Mad Little Slice of Heaven
by Chuckling-Ghost
Summary: My name's Jerry. Fairy Tail is without a doubt the most insane place I've ever been. The brawls are frequent and immense, the jobs and guild members are outrageous in every sense of the word and the magic they use is just as wild as they are. The longer I'm here the more convinced I am that there's really only one way to describe Fiore's number one wizard guild...
1. Ch1: Three Wizards and A Cat

1: Three Wizards and A Cat

It was very bright and very loud. Much brighter and louder than I would've expected my room to be. _Urgh…did I fall asleep with the lights and TV on?_

Then I sat bolt upright, _I don't have a TV! Where the hell am I?!_ I looked around frantically, taking in the water, the cobblestones, the people and bright sunlight. I blinked, looked around some more, tried to analyze the situation and decided that somehow I had been dragged into an alternate world where shenanigans were bound to ensue. I wasn't a heavy enough sleeper for someone to move me without me waking up barring the use of knockout gas, and there was no reason for anyone in the world to go to that much trouble for little old me. Besides, if they had, then I'd probably be waking up in a small dark room, not a sunny street side in a port town.

I immediately started rummaging in my pockets, _Am I prepared? Did anything come with me?_ _Let's see, deck of cards, ooh, knife. Hope I don't need that…_ I tucked the black switchblade back into my jacket pocket. How my favorite tan sport jacket and fedora had followed me along with my comfiest clothes I did not know, but I also really didn't care either as I started patting around for my wallet. Thankfully it was there.

I pulled it out, unzipped it and frowned, _Well that looks different…_ I pulled out the little card that was where my drivers license had been and frowned as I studied the itsy bitsy print on it.

_Congratulations, you've been pulled into the world of Fairy Tail. Yes that show you started watching last night. Hope you remember the first episode pretty well, because now you're stuck in it! The cards in that little deck in your pocket will respond to your wishes. You have an inherent caster magic that's different from that, but you'll need to learn how to use it. For now, good luck with the cards! (see the other side for tips) (aren't I helpful?)_

I frowned and flipped it over.

= _The cards can grow or shrink and become as hard as steel. They will also float and move around at your command. _

_= That smokin' hot blonde over there is Lucy, you should go say hi. _

_= Find Natsu and Happy. _

_= Whatever you do, don't piss off Erza._

_= Go join Fairy Tail._

_= Remember, it's never too late to forgive someone and make a friend._

I blinked as I read the last tip and then my head snapped up and I started looking for a "smokin' hot blonde" named Lucy. It took me about thirty seconds to spot the extremely curvy blonde in the white top and blue skirt storming along in a huff. I immediately stuffed my wallet in my pocket, "HEY LUCY! WAIT UP!"

Lucy, for of course it was her (only smokin' hot blonde on the street), stopped in surprise and turned to look at me as I ran up to her. I caught up to her a moment later and smiled my friendliest smile as she looked at me with puzzled chocolatey brown eyes, "Hi! Sorry, I have no idea who you are, I just know I'm supposed to come over and say hello to Lucy."

Lucy looked at me like I was out of my mind and I gave her a flat look, "Magic. Do ya really want to know?" Lucy nodded, "Ah. Okay, sooo why were you supposed to come say hi to me?"

I shrugged, "Dunno, apparently you're important to say hi to. I was gonna ask where we are."

Lucy frowned at me, "You…don't know where we are?"

I blinked at her flatly, _hell with elaborate lies,_ "I just got yanked here from an entirely different dimension in my sleep. I now have the clothes on my back, the stuff in my pockets and a little card telling me to say hi to you, find someone named Natsu and his friend Happy, and go join Fairy Tail. That is the very fullest extent of what I have to go on right now." I thought back to the episode of Fairy Tail I had watched the previous night right before I went to sleep, "And a fuzzy idea of what all that means."

Then a pair of girls ran past us shrieking about a salamander. I pointed after them as details started to come back to me, "And my fuzzy idea says follow those two to Natsu. Let's go!"

Lucy caught my shoulder as I turned to follow the two girls to the "salamander". I paused and looked at her. "Level with me," Lucy said firmly, "Are you serious?"

I took out my wallet and showed her the card, "I'm good. _I ain't that good._" Lucy quickly started reading and blushed as she got to the tip that referred to her as "that smokin' hot blonde". Lucy looked up at me and gave me the most fearsomely searching gaze she could muster. Then she sighed, "Say I believe you. What do you want from me?"

I blanked. I really did. I tilted my head to the side and then, "Well…if we wind up being friends a date might not be out of line, because I have to agree with the card, you _are_ beautiful." Lucy blushed and I continued, "For now though, I think I'd better do what the card says and go find Natsu. You read the card, so you know now what I mean by a fuzzy idea." I paused and then a small sly smile slid across my face, "Would it help if I told ya Natsu's a Fairy Tail wizard?"

Lucy's heart visibly skipped a beat, "how did you…" Then she looked at the card in her hand again and her eyes went _very_ wide, "_HOLY…YOU'RE ACTUALLY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION?_"

I nodded and did away with the pretense of being _totally_ clueless, "Yes, and if I remember correctly then that Salamander those two are running to see is actually a kidnapping slave trader who plans to kidnap a whole boat load of girls tonight using illegal charm magic. Even if we _don't_ find Natsu, I'm not letting him get away with that. I don't know if _I_ can beat him, but I know Natsu can." I extended a hand with a grin, "You in?"

Lucy looked at me in shock and then accepted the hand before giving me a very stern look, "If you're lying to me, you'll wish we had never met."

I grinned, "Oh I think you and me are gonna get along just fine."

…

==…~…==

…

Half an hour and a horde of angry bewitched fangirls later, I sat in a restaurant with Lucy in the booth next to me, and a pink haired fire wizard named Natsu with his talking blue cat named Happy across the table. "Thanks for buyin' us lunch!" Natsu said as he dug in with the gusto and manners of a starved animal.

Lucy looked at me skeptically and I sighed, "So Natsu, you're a Fairy Tail wizard right?"

Natsu looked up and said around a mouthful of noodles, "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"You're kinda famous Mr. Salamander," I replied cheerfully and pretending not to notice how Lucy froze next to me, "So anyway, here's the deal. That guy back there claiming to be a Salamander?"

Natsu nodded, "Uh-huh, what about him?"

"He was impersonating you," I said bluntly. Natsu froze and then, "WHAT?! BUT HE LOOKED NOTHING LIKE ME!"

I nodded, "Yeah, but a lot of people don't know what you look like. He's using your reputation to draw people in and then he's sucker punching the girls with charm magic to make them act all crazy over him."

Natsu's expression was suddenly a very ugly thing indeed as he growled, "_Really?_"

I nodded as I cheerfully set fire to the fuse leading to the powder keg labeled Natsu, "Yep, and he's planning to kidnap them all this evening at the party he's throwing on his yacht. He can't do that if his yacht were to say 'mysteriously catch fire and sink' now can he?"

Natsu stood up immediately with a grin on his face, "I like the way you think buddy! Then when he comes to put it out we can beat him up!"

I grinned, "Exactly. If you'll handle him since he's the only wizard in their group, I think me and Lucy can handle his gang. Two wizards vs a couple of thugs sounds pretty skewed in our favor to me."

Natsu's grin widened, "You're wizards too? What do you do?"

Lucy held up a ring of keys proudly, "I'm a Celestial Spirit wizard, I summon Celestial Spirits with these keys."

I pulled my deck of cards from my pocket and willed the top five to float in a star formation and then spin like a skill saw blade, "I've got magic cards that I can use as weapons."

Natsu grinned, "That's awesome! You're just like Cana!"

I smiled thinly, "Probably not as experienced, but sure, why not. Wanna go sink a slimy bastard's ship?"

"Hell yeah!" "AYE SIR!"

…

==Twenty Minutes Later==

…

It wasn't hard to find the phony Salamander's ship, it was easily the biggest one there. All I had to do was point it out and Natsu unleashed a massive fire attack with a howl that lit the ship ablaze in an instant. I lowered my finger and stared at the massive conflagration, "Holy shit dude…"

Natsu grinned and roared, "HEY PHONY SALAMANDER! COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME!"

An immense fireball suddenly rocketed down from above the burning ship. Lucy and I dove aside. Natsu caught the blazing thing in one hand and ate it like an apple. As he munched, he was eyeballing the phony Salamander who had taken to the air on a twisting tower of flames. As soon as he finished, "Let's get him Happy!"

"AYE SIR!" Happy the cat cheered as he leapt to Natsu's back, sprouted big white feathery wings and flew up into the air, taking Natsu with him for what I'm sure was one hell of an aerial battle. At the time though, I had bigger problems as Lucy warned me, "Heads up, looks like Natsu missed a few."

I snapped my gaze to the burning ship and saw about a dozen burly sailors eyeballing us angrily and reaching for whatever makeshift weapons they could lay hands on. I allowed a card to slip from my sleeve and then I threw it, "_GROW!"_ The card suddenly grew to the size of a serving tray mid flight and slammed into one of the sailors before plowing him right back into the burning ship.

Then I extended my hand and it flew back to me and shrank back to its regular size as I caught it with a grin, "A word of advice gentlemen? _Surrender and retreat._ Your buddy with the fire magic's out of his league and you won't beat two wizards without his help! You should grab one of the life boats and make a run for it before the army shows up to settle down that howlin' flamin' brawl up there."

I flicked a fan of cards into my hand and spread them, "I've got a sleeve full of aces, and you don't even want to know what my friend here can do."

They swapped glances, decided I was bluffing, and charged us. I set the card I had shot a moment earlier on my knuckles and then punched with it. The card went flying with the force of my punch and spread wide as I barked, _"GROW!"_ In the space of a few feet, the card was as wide as the pier. I'm not sure what their reaction was, I couldn't see through my card, but I could sort of feel it as my card slammed into them and started to push them back. Then they started pushing it back towards me. I grinned as I felt them put their weight into pushing it, "_Shrink."_

Suddenly the card was the size of an ordinary playing card again. The goons fell face first to the pier as the resistance suddenly gave way beneath them. I grinned as a devilish idea occurred to me. I dropped the card flat onto the pier before them and made it grow out under them before they could regain their feet, "_Grow!"_ I snapped my fingers and the card flew into the air. I could feel the strain of lifting them in my brain as I sent them flying into the sky. It had only been a moment and I was already feeling my skull throb, but in that moment, I had launched them almost twenty feet in the air. Then I grinned and shrank my card back to normal size. They fell screaming back to the pier and I could hear it from across the pier as bones and boards audibly shattered amid screams of pain.

I panted and put my hands on my knees as I caught my card, "Miss Lucy, you wouldn't happen to have a spirit that could finish pulverizing them would you?"

Lucy was silent for a moment and then, "Um, yeah, I know just the guy!" She stepped forward, "Open! Gate of the Golden Bull! _TAURUS!"_ There was a golden glow, a sound like a clock chiming and the distinctive clanging of a cowbell, and then a massive minotaur landed on the pier next to me, "MOOOOOOOOOOO! How ya dooooooin Miss Luuucy?"

"Good to see you Taurus!" Lucy chirped, "You see those guys over there? Can you beat them up for me? Pretty please?" she added with a flirty smile.

I shot the minotaur a thumbs up, "Already softened 'em up for ya big guy! They were gonna kidnap Lucy and a bunch of other pretty girls and do horrible things to them. Go smack the ugly off 'em!"

"**YOOOOOOOOOOOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!" **Taurus roared as he drew his axe and charged, "**HOW DARE YOOOOOOOOOOOOU EVEN THINK OF HURTIN' MISS LUUUUUUUUUUCY?!"**

As the massive minotaur proceeded to brutally pulverize the slavers, Lucy looked down at me, "They weren't really planning to come after me were they?"

I took a breath and let it out before nodding grimly, "If I hadn't been here, then that phony Salamander would have nailed you with the Charm magic the first time you saw him, Natsu would've stumbled onto him and snapped you out of it, and then after you left Natsu in the restaurant because you didn't know he was a Fairy Tail wizard, that faker would've tracked you down and fed you some lies about being in Fairy Tail himself to get you aboard his ship. Natsu would've saved you right in the nick of time and wrecked the entire town in the process, but it wouldn't have gone nearly this smoothly."

Lucy shuddered slightly as she looked at the scum of the earth currently being beaten to pulp by her pet minotaur spirit, "Thank you."

I smiled and straightened up, "No problem! It's what any real man would do." Then I turned and looked at the sight of Natsu and his impersonator laying waste to the town with the spillover from their battle. I felt a bead of sweat run down my temple, "Aaand I guess that's what happens when wizards duke it out."

Lucy turned and looked like she almost soiled herself at the sight of the town going up in flames, "_HOLY CRAP! WHAT IS WITH THAT GUY?!"_

"Offhand," I deadpanned, "I'd say he's a moron for not taking it out over the water to minimize the damage, but he's our ticket to Fairy Tail and apparently he's one hell of an ace in the hole, so I'll let him slide."

Lucy nodded, "Right."

Then we both winced as the imposter Salamander unleashed an immense laser like attack that lit half the town on fire. I slumped slightly, "On second thought, maybe we oughta go help him?"

Then Natsu jumped over a hundred feet and punched the guy so hard he went flying across town into the nearest church bell with enough force to ring it. I smiled wanly, "Then again, I know virtually nothing about this guy, so who am I to decide when he needs backup?"

Happy flew up, "Hey guys! We need to go! The army's headed this way! Natsu said to leave it to him and come find you to tell you we really need to run now!"

Lucy and I gawked at him for a second and then I turned and barked at the fishermen hiding behind the cabins of their boats, "OI! FISHING FOLK! THESE SCUMBAGS WERE SLAVERS PLANNING TO KIDNAP ALL THE GIRLS IN TOWN! MAKE SURE THE ARMY KNOWS AND FLINGS 'EM IN JAIL!" Then I looked over my shoulder and glanced at Lucy, "Eh Lucy, maybe you should call off the cow? There's not gonna be anything left for the army."

Lucy blinked at me and then turned and her jaw dropped in horror, "WHAT THE HELL TAURUS?! YOU WENT TOTALLY OVERBOARD!"

As I contemplated the blood staining that entire end of the dock and the broken and twisted forms that Lucy's minotaur spirit had been busily mangling for the last five minutes or so, I rather thought that was an understatement. However, as the minotaur disagreed and declared that anyone who would dare to hurt Lucy deserved nothing less, I was inclined to agree with him too. Lucy blushed, thanked him and dismissed him back to wherever he came from.

I grew one of my cards to the size of a carpet and stepped on, "Okay, let's see if this'll work. Happy? Would you carry Lucy until I know if this'll work? Your wings are a little more tried and true than my card."

Lucy had just enough time to register what I'd said and then Happy had her and she was zooming into the air. I flew up after her and was relieved to find that lifting myself on a card was as easy as walking. I grinned as Lucy got over her initial panic at the fact that she was flying and realized that she was _flying._

I won't lie, seeing her face light up in that wonderful smile as she experienced flight for the first time, I decided right then and there that I really didn't care at all about ever going back to my own magicless world.


	2. Ch2: Helpful

Chapter 2 – Helpful

==That Evening==

We stopped on the side of the road to a town called Magnolia to rest for the night as the sun started going down. I could've probably kept going, my floating card was able to carry me and Lucy all day without tiring me at all. Natsu and Happy were getting tired though, and apparently Natsu gets motion sick whenever he's on any sort of vehicle. Not wanting to deal with possible fire barf, Lucy and I agreed that it was probably best to rest there.

Natsu gathered up some firewood and we set up camp just inside the tree line to the side of the road in a peaceful little dip in the ground. We quickly realized that I was the only one without anything to sleep on, so I wound up just snoozing on my card when we finally got to sleep. First though came a very important revelation.

"Sooo…" Lucy started, "I feel kind of bad having to ask but…" she looked at me, "What _is_ your name? You never told me."

I tilted my head in confusion, "Eh? I didn't? Oh…" I blinked and then smiled, "My bad, the name's Jerry. Jerry Granger. Since we're doing introductions, let me make sure I've got your names right. Lucy?" Lucy nodded, "That's me!" "Natsu?" "Yeah?" "And Happy." "Aye sir!"

I smiled, "Ah good, I remembered them all." There was a short stretch of quiet and then I realized that I had no idea if I had any money. I pulled out my wallet, unzipped it and pulled out one of the bills inside as I realized it was the wrong color. I frowned and showed it to Lucy, "Hey Lucy, is this what money looks like here?"

Lucy's eyebrows rose, "Yeah, that's a pretty big bill. Dooo you have more of those in there?" I turned it around and looked at the number 10000 in the corners of the bill, "Yeah I sure hope it's a big bill!" Then I frowned, "How big of a bill? Like, what could I get for this?"

"You could feed two Natsu's lunch for that," Happy supplied. I looked at the little cat with a raised eyebrow. Natsu ate a _lot._

I glanced at Lucy and she nodded, "In other words you could feed ten _normal_ people a fairly decent lunch with that."

"Sooo…ten cheap burgers?" I asked as I eyed the bill slightly dubiously, that wasn't that much at all…

"No, more like twenty cheap burgers, fries and drinks for everybody," Lucy corrected me. I flicked an eyebrow up, _that_ was a little more like it.

I rocked slightly from side to side as I thought about it and tried to come up with another good measure of value to compare with, "Sooo…about how much would a month's rent on an apartment be?"

"About ten of those for a really good apartment although you could probably get a place for about five. It might not be a _nice_ place, but you'd have somewhere to sleep." Lucy declared after a moment. I quickly crunched some numbers in my head and decided a jewel was approximately equal to a cent, meaning 100 jewels was a dollar.

I smiled, "Well then! Let's find out how generous my mysterious benefactor is!"

I pulled out the impressively thick stack of jewel notes and quickly started counting them on the dry clean surface of my card. There was a lot, I could tell that at a glance. It wasn't until I got through the first ten 10000 notes and got into the stack of _50000 and_ _100000_ notes behind them that I realized how much. My eyes got very wide very quickly as the money hoarding genes I had inherited from my mother's side of the family kicked in full force. It took me almost two minutes to count it all, add it up in my head and then double check it all to make sure I had counted that right, because when my hands move that fast, sometimes even I have trouble keeping up.

I immediately scooped it back into my wallet, zipped up said wallet, and stuffed it in my front pocket where it would be much harder to get at as I crossed my arms with a mildly stunned expression, "Nope, nope! I have no money at all."

"Bullshit!" Lucy exclaimed immediately, "I just watched you count all that like Ebeneezer Scrooge! How much have you got in there?!"

"Enough that you're going to have to come over here very very close if you want me to tell you because I'm not saying it above a whisper," I replied bluntly. Lucy immediately slid over to me and brushed her hair back off her ear as she lent it to me. I blinked at her eagerness and then, "Hold out your hand, I'll write it."

I took her offered hand gently and quickly spelled it out on her palm with my finger tip. I could tell from the way that Lucy's jaw hit the ground that yes indeed, that really was a freaking huge number. Even given the multiplier, that was still equal to over half a million cash in my pocket. Lucy leaned away from me a little bit to look me over and frowned, "Okay, my family is _absurdly_ wealthy, and even for me, that is a _lot_ of money. How the hell did you get all that?!"

I gave her a flat look, "Got yanked here from a different dimension remember? Apparently somebody up there likes me. A lot." I looked up at the sky and waved, "_THANK YOU!" _I turned my gaze back to my new friends, "So, should we tell each other about ourselves or what?" I smiled apologetically, "Sorry, I'm not very good at making friends."

"Eh, yeah that seems like a good place to start," Natsu mused, "I'm Natsu, I've been a Fairy Tail Wizard since I was a little kid. I'm a fire dragon slayer and this is Happy. I hatched him with a friend when I was a kid."

"I'm Happy and I'm a cat!" Happy declared, "I really like fish and Natsu even though he's super mean sometimes and a total dummy." Natsu shot him a glare, "What?!" Happy just giggled, "Loopy! Your turn!"

"It's Lucy," Lucy growled, "I'm Lucy Heartfilia, a celestial spirit mage. I've wanted to join Fairy Tail since I was a little kid and be a great wizard like my mother."

_That_ got Natsu and Happy's attention (and mine as well). "So your mom was a wizard?" Natsu asked, "What guild was she in?"

Lucy blushed slightly, "Oh, she wasn't in a guild, but she _did_ have three of the gold Zodiac keys, and everyone I've met including my spirits has told me that she was a really good wizard."

"So, you got the keys from your mom?" Natsu asked.

Lucy's face fell slightly, "Yeah, they're all I have left of her."

All three of us stiffened and then Natsu said quietly, "Oh, um, sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up like that." There was a brief pause and then he lit a small flame in his hand, "If it makes you feel any better, I learned my magic from my dad too. Until I find him it's all I've got left from him."

Lucy looked up, "Your dad was a fire wizard?" Natsu laughed slightly, "Nah, he was a fire _dragon._" Mine and Lucy's eyes bugged out slightly as Natsu explained, "I don't know who my blood family are, but it doesn't really matter to me. Igneel raised me until I was ten and then one day, he just…disappeared." Natsu's face fell and just as we were about to say something to try to comfort him he perked back up, "But it's okay because that's when I found Fairy Tail! Now the whole guild is my family!"

I didn't know why, but that brought a smile to my face.

I snorted slightly with a small smile, "Well, I'd toss in my sad past too since we're telling, but the truth is, I don't have one. I grew up in a perfectly normal house, parents, grandparents, cousins I'd see from time to time and friends. Grew up, moved out…" I shrugged, "woke up in Hargeon this morning without a clue how I got there and a little card saying I had been yanked into a different dimension."

"Different dimension?" Natsu asked skeptically.

I nodded, "Yeah. Where I'm from, we don't have magic. Magic itself is the stuff of myth and legend. We use science and electricity for everything instead. Now I'm here, with a deck of magic cards, a beautiful girl, a talking cat and the son of a fire dragon. If my family could see me now, I think they'd be cheerin' for me." I looked up at the sky with a smile, "My mom and grandparents would be worried but excited for me…and my dad would be jumpin' up and down trying to get me to hurry up and ask Lucy out. The others would be thinking it, but dad would be the most vocal about it by a mile because he'd be the least worried about me being able to handle this new world thing."

I glanced over at Lucy and saw that she looked faintly weirded out so I smiled, "Don't worry, he got like that about every girl I got close to. They all did." I laughed lightly, "They set me up on _so_ many blind dates, I think they were more desperate for me to have a girlfriend than I could've ever been! I didn't really care anything about it. I never met a girl who just really pushed all the right buttons, except for Julie who was one of my two best friends and didn't count, so they never worked out, but I guess my folks were trying to care enough to compensate."

"Sooo…" Lucy asked, "_would_ you ask me out if your dad were jumping up and down about it?"

"Not yet," I replied, "I hardly know you. I'm a pretty cautious guy ya know?" Lucy pouted slightly at that so I added, "_but_, if I had to make a choice right now to take a chance or never get the opportunity again, I'd probably take a chance on you. From what I've seen of you, you _are_ my type."

"Oh?" Lucy asked coyly with a sly little grin (_clearly fishing for compliments,_ I thought, _well, I'd hate to disappoint_), "And what type is that?"

"Beautiful," I replied simply, "Also, you're not a pushover, you _do_ seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and you like adventures right?" I finished with a small smile. Lucy blushed and I looked away, "Honestly if you can forgive my occasionally terrible jokes, terrible mess, terrible social skills, and the fact that I'd be a total amateur since I've never been on a date, then you're already leaps and bounds ahead everyone else. I've been on a lot of blind dates, but those don't count since they were basically just me being awkwardly thrown at whatever poor girl my family had their sights set on that month and trying to be polite before breaking it off at the end of the evening. I know how to be polite and make sure a girl has a good time, but romance? Baffling stuff that is."

Lucy took a moment to consider that, "Okay, terrible jokes, everyone makes a few every once in a while. Given that I haven't heard you crack one yet, it's pretty obvious that you don't do it that often. Social skills, you've been doing fine thus far. Never had a date? Join the club. You and Natsu are just about the first people I've ever met who were my age, and yes, that _does_ mean I've never had a date. Terrible mess…" she thought about it for a moment, "_How _terrible of a mess?"

"I casually make painfully true jokes about living in a trash can," I replied bluntly, then I smiled, "buuut given that fire magic is an option now," I smiled, "I'll probably wind up just burning whatever trash I generate as soon as I can learn some fire magic. I'm a pretty quick study at most things, so it probably won't take long."

Lucy frowned, "Why didn't you just burn it before if it was such a problem?"

I shrugged, "No fire place, and building a fire pit outside probably wouldn't have gone over well in the middle of town. You're right though, I should try to find a place with a fireplace that I can use as an incinerator. In the meantime, hey Natsu how do I…wow that was quick."

Natsu and Happy were both completely sacked out and already snoring. "Well, he did have one heck of a fight earlier," Lucy pointed out. Then she smiled, "You know, I could give you some pointers on magic if you want, since you're new and all."

I blinked and then smiled, "I'm all ears."

Lucy lit up, "Okay, so my magic teachers always told me to meditate to gather more magic power. For those who have natural caster type magics it should come to you pretty easily once you start meditating and then once you know what it is, you can start training it. I don't think I have a natural caster magic, if I do then it never really showed itself." She paused, "Of course, I was never really looking for one either…"

I nudged her gently with a grin, "Try looking! You never know, maybe you've got some incredibly badass magic just waiting for you to unlock it! Come on, you try and I'll try!"

Lucy smiled and curled her legs so that she was sitting cross legged and took a deep breath. I laid back and began to recall all the advice on meditation I'd ever heard. _Quiet the storm of your mind_, echoed the voice of a master monk from a tv show I'd once enjoyed. So clear my mind I did. I closed my eyes and did my level best to think of absolutely nothing.

That had never worked for me. I always dropped into a lethal focus when that happened. If I did it while in the ring, I started to see my opponent's little tells before their strikes. If I did it while working, time seemed to either blaze by or slow to a crawl. The only way I had ever been able to "quiet the storm of my mind" was to drown it all out with one single purpose that was always intertwined with something physical or convert it into relatively coherent thoughts. These were my thoughts as I attempted to meditate.

My eyes cracked open and then opened fully as I threw a deadpan glare to the night sky. Then they slid sideways to the beautiful young woman next to me. I laid very still and prayed that she wouldn't open her eyes and notice where mine were. Something to distract myself and drown the noise of my mind? I grinned with a slightly wicked smirk, _Hello miss distraction, how do you do?_

I started to study her. Her hair was slightly frizzy from the warm night air, not enough to be unflattering but just enough to sort of float and make a little halo around her. Her face was very nicely sculpted, not too round, not too angular…just a nice pleasant shape, and her profile from this angle sent the more primal parts of my brain into overdrive. I felt myself start to drool as I took in the curves of her body, a perfect hourglass that I could feel every fiber of my being screaming at me to wrap in my arms. There wasn't a single bit of her that was unpleasant to my eye, no extra fat anywhere except for her chest that I wanted very badly to play with. Even her exceptionally shapely posterior I noticed, was pure sinew and sexiness. _GodDAMMIT I wanna bury my face in that!_

Then she let out a little pant that set my blood and face blazing with heat. Her eyes opened ever so slightly and she let out a _moan._ Not a moan of pain, oh no, with that little shudder that went with it? There was no mistaking _that_ for anything but the same feelings her beauty had just inspired in me. She glanced over her shoulder at me and her eyes widened from scorching my very soul at 'bedroom' to setting alarm bells ringing with her mild 'holy crap!' expression as she exclaimed, "Jerry, you're _glowing!"_

I blinked and the spell was broken. Gone was the raging fire in my veins, and apparently in hers as well because she gasped and flinched like the warm night air had slapped her in the face like a cold towel. I blushed as I realized that whatever she had been feeling had been a _direct_ result of my intense focus on her. I raised my hands and saw that I was indeed glowing. It was fading now, but a faint white glow like a little light bulb was emanating from every inch of exposed flesh and out of my sleeves as well.

I exhaled and willed my breath to glow in a faint little miasma, "Whoa…"

Then I blushed, "Erm…did…my magic just ah…affect you?" I didn't have to ask, there was no doubt in my mind that she had been feeling some definitely pleasurable effects from my attention being focused on her, and the only explanation I knew for that was _magic_. Could've been hers, but I seriously doubted it given that it seemed to have stopped when _I_ blinked, not when she noticed me glowing. It merited testing at a later date.

Lucy blushed glowing neon red, "Um…maybe…"

I rolled onto my knees and bowed in apology (I don't know it just felt right!), "I am so sorry! I had no idea it was going to do that! I just needed something to focus on and you're super beautiful and drew my eye so I thought why not and apparently I was focused enough for my magic to work and I'm really really sorry…" I paused in my babbling and looked up, "Unless you liked it in which case I'll be happy to try again."

Lucy blushed even brighter, "Um…no, I, think we should get to know each other a little better first. It looks like you've got some kind of light magic, why don't you try using that?"

I sat up and blinked, "Oh, right…mmm…" I held my hands together and willed a little ball of light into existence between my hands. I held it up and blinked at the little ball of glowing magic. I tossed it from one hand to the other like a cat with a ball of yarn, "It's squishy."

I flipped it up balanced on the tip of my finger and tilted my head as I observed it. I willed it to rise and after it did I willed it to flick around in conjunction with my gaze. It replied happily. I smiled and started making shapes. A block, a ball, a pyramid and a splat shape… I smiled at it as a thought occurred to me and willed it back to my fingertip as I made a little finger gun. I grinned and closed one eye, "Bang."

To my immense shock, the harmless little light ball became a friggin' _laser beam_ that exploded in a five meter wide fireball with a sound like cannon fire on contact when it hit the tree I'd been playfully aiming at on the other side of the clearing. I am not the least bit ashamed to admit that I jumped when it hit. I stared in slack jawed shock for almost a full minute before looking at my little finger gun and grinning, "_Awesome."_

"That is insane!" Lucy exclaimed, "How did you turn that harmless cute little blob of light into a giant explosion?!"

I raised an eyebrow at her, "That wasn't giant. A _giant_ explosion would've knocked down the entire forest and charred everyone but Natsu into crispy barbeque. Granted that was a decent little kaboom, but nowhere near giant."

"What kind of explosions are you used to?!" Lucy asked in a slightly terrified voice.

"None," I replied, "I tend to avoid them and I didn't work in an industry where they were common. However, I am familiar with the amounts of devastation produced by my world's weapons. It was relevant to my writing, so I researched it."

Lucy blinked and immediately shifted gears from terror to interest, "You write?"

I nodded, "It's my hobby. Do you?" Lucy blushed slightly, "Um, a little…I've always loved books and I really admire the people who can write like that and I want to be able to write that well myself."

I smiled, "Much the same for me. What do you write?"

I'm not sure how long we talked, but I do know that when morning rolled around and I woke up with Lucy's head on my chest, moving from that spot was the _last_ thing I wanted to do. Unfortunately, Natsu's a surprisingly early riser.

He called us weird, I called him jealous. He didn't get it. I sighed as it went completely over his head and gently rubbed Lucy's back, "Lucy, time to wake up."

Lucy stirred and then tilted her head to look up at me still clearly half asleep. The sight made my heart skip…three beats? At least three. Then her mind caught up to where she was. Her eyes went wide, her face went red, and she went springing away from me faster than I would've thought possible, babbling in embarrassment. I could only laugh as she tried to stammer out some sort of denial about something. I wasn't quite sure what she was on about, she was talking much too fast and looking much too cute for me to make it out. Also, it was always funny to watch someone flustered.

**AN:** _Hey everybody, Ghost here. I hope you're enjoying the story thus far, for those wondering next week will see our arrival at Fairy Tail. Sorry if you were hoping to see it this week, but I felt some character and world building needed to be done before we could get there._

_I'm also pleased to announce that this story will actually have a consistent release schedule unlike so many of my other stories. I'm going to post a new chapter every Friday, except the weeks of holidays which fall on Thursday. Those weeks I'll post special chapters on Thursday instead._

_As always, reviews, thoughts, comments and questions are all welcome!_

_Happy Friday everybody! Ghost out._


	3. Ch3: Welcome to Fairy Tail!

Chapter 3 – Fairy Tail

Two days and some shenanigans with a flying pig later, we arrived in Magnolia. Magnolia was a nice little town, it had a close comfortable feel about it. I don't know why but it made me feel right at home as we strolled along the canal side. I noticed a nice two story building on the right with a sign labeled "vacancy" and made a note to return to check it out.

We strolled past an impressively sized cathedral which I raised an eyebrow at. We proceeded through a market with a lot of open stalls and up a wide flight of stairs on the side of an incline in the street before making our way down the wide street to the massive building at the end of it. I felt my small smile at the scenery grow to a large grin as I saw the words "Fairy Tail" over the entrance.

"Welcome to Fairy Tail!" Happy told us cheerfully as Natsu strolled up to the doubled doors. We vaguely expected Natsu to open the door and let us in. We should have known better.

Natsu kicked the door open, shouted that he was back alive and immediately started a massive barfight that the entire guild was almost immediately in on. I blinked in shock as the whole guild hall went from a cheerful pub scene to an all-out brawl in less than a minute. I smiled weakly, _So this is Fairy Tail huh? Figures this is the kind of guild that a guy like Natsu would belong to._

I raised an eyebrow as I noticed the _gorgeous_ brunette at the bar. My other eyebrow went up as she drained the glass of red wine in her hand and then snatched an entire _barrel_ up and drank from it like a can since the glass of wine was apparently not nearly enough. Lucy said something and I turned my attention back to her as she looked at me, "What is wrong with these people? There's not one sane person in the entire place!"

I shrugged, "Sanity's overrated. Besides, if Natsu's the norm here, and apparently he is, then I'd really expect nothing less." Lucy looked at me skeptically and I made a face, "Lucy, he spent _six hours_ trying to catch a flying pig, _a flying. PIG. _Not because it was a flying pig, but because he wanted to know if it tasted more like chicken or bacon."

The answer was extra delicious bacon.

Then we turned as someone asked, "Hello, are you new here?" My heart and brain _stopped_. Lucy's beautiful. The brunette at the bar who I later learned was named Cana is a total knockout. This woman, who I learned from Lucy's fangirl squeal was Mirajane, _she_ was drop dead gorgeous. The deepest blue eyes I've ever seen, snow white curls down her back and her bangs pulled up into a curious little ponytail in the front that worked astoundingly well for her, curves that rivaled if not _surpassed_ Lucy's even in the floor length and rather conservative dress, and that smile…if I'd ever doubted that there was a divine power at work in making humans, those doubts vanished and I could only praise said being as the very finest of artists.

It took almost a full minute for my brain to start working again, and if someone hadn't thrown a mountain of a man who I later learned was Mirajane's "little" brother Elfman at her, I probably would've taken a few minutes more. As was, I managed to catch Elfman out of the air with reflexes and strength I was pretty sure I didn't have, before he could slam into Mirajane. I don't know quite what spurred me to lift him over my head and throw him back into the fray as I roared at him to "Get back in there and _fight like a man!_", but I did.

I glanced over my shoulder, "Nice to meet you Miss…Mirajane was it?" Mirajane was looking at me with an extremely amused expression as Lucy gawked at me. "Yes, it's very nice to meet you too," Mirajane replied before her eyes widened slightly, "heads up!"

I turned my attention back to the front and got a face full of completely naked buttocks. I slammed into the ground, turned my landing into a reverse somersault and planted both feet in the face of the naked bastard that had just slammed ass first into my face. I spun back to my feet and barked, "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YA PERVERT!"

"Nice shot Jerry!" Natsu called as he twirled a pair of boxers like a trophy. Then the naked pervert punched me in the back of the head. I staggered and then turned and returned the favor with every ounce of strength I had in my left arm. Said naked pervert went flying once again, this time with a nosebleed courtesy of yours truly. I turned back to Natsu, "Did you seriously just punch that dude out of his underwear?!"

Natsu laughed triumphantly and then the brunette at the bar called in a carrying voice that cut through the chaos, "Okay guys, that's enough." A blue glow suddenly lit up her corner of the room as she added with what had to be a magical card held high, "I suggest you knock. It. _Off._"

"Oh yeah?!" the thankfully no longer quite so naked pervert shouted as he climbed back to his feet and readied his own magic, "SAYS WHO?!" I'm still not quite sure when or how he reclaimed his boxers but I'm glad he did. I did not need to see that.

The big guy who I'd caught midair lifted his fist over his head and roared a wordless challenge as his fist and arm turned to stone, some ginger guy in a green parka muttered something and fired up some of his magic, aaand of course _Natsu_ was ready to take all of them and more as flames blazed to life around his fists. I spread my fingers and they started glowing, like hell was I getting caught in a wizard brawl without my own magic in rear kicking gear.

Then the ground shook and a voice like thunder rumbled from overhead as an immense shadow filled the hall, "**WILL YOU FOOLS STOP BICKERING LIKE CHILDREN?!"**

I looked up and felt my stomach drop as I realized the shadow was from an equally huge man. _A GIANT?!_ I heard Lucy squeak, "HE'S HUGE!"

The entire guild froze. "Oh hello!" Mirajane chirped as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "I didn't realize you were still here Master!"

The giant turned to look at her as Lucy squawked, "Did you say master?!"

Before Mirajane could answer, Natsu cackled something moronic and earned the attention of the giant with an appropriately giant-sized _stomping_ ensuing immediately. Natsu didn't even have time to make a ridiculous squeaky sound as all the fight was literally _squashed_ out of him. Then the giant turned his attention back to Lucy, Mirajane and me because I was still right there close, "**Well, seems we've got some new recruits.**"

Then he drew himself up to his full height and let out an almighty growl that I am not ashamed to admit made me fear for my life for a brief moment, then the giant shrank. He shrank and shrank, and shrank some more. A moment later, where had before stood a giant was a guy so small that as he raised a hand in greeting and declared it nice to meet us, the only logical response was the one Lucy and I chorused, "_He's tiny?!_"

"Is this guy really in charge here?" Lucy exclaimed. "You just watched him shrink down from a giant capable of literally _squashing the scrappy_ _outta Natsu_," I replied dryly, "Yeah I'd say he's probably in charge."

"Lucy, Jerry," Mirajane said with a smile, "allow me to introduce the Fairy Tail Guildmaster Makarov."

Makarov turned with a grin, and then with a small grunt, he _jumped_. I don't mean a little jump either. He went spinning through the air all the way to the banister of the second floor balcony. It would've been a touch more impressive if he hadn't missed the angle ever so slightly and slammed back first into the banister, only narrowly catching himself to avoid falling back to the ground. I was surprised he was able to keep his funny orange and blue hat on.

Master Makarov pulled himself upright like nothing had happened and stood balanced on the banister before hefting a thick stack of papers to show the guild as he exclaimed, "You've gone and done it again, you bunch of clods! Just take a look at how much paperwork the Magic Council sent me this time! This is the biggest pile of complaints yet!" He took a breath and shouted, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?!" He lowered his head and started to shake slightly with frustration, "All you kids are good for is getting the higher ups mad at me!"

I frowned, that wasn't a good start to my impression of him. Then Makarov sighed, "However…" He lifted his head and gave us all the cheeky sort of grin that spelled nothing but fun and victory. As the papers in his hand burst into flames he declared, "I say to heck with the Magic Council!"

He tossed the burning papers out over the crowd and Natsu leapt to catch them in his mouth like a dog with a ball. Master Makarov continued, "Now listen up. Any power that surpasses reason still comes from reason right? Magic isn't some miraculous power, it is a talent that only works when the flow of energy inside of us and the flow of energy in the natural world are in perfect synchronization. To perform magic, one must have a strong mind, and the ability to focus. It should take over your being and come pouring out of your soul! If all we do is worry about following rules then our magic will never progress! Don't let those blowhards on the council scare you, follow the path you believe in, because that's what makes the Fairy Tail guild _NUMBER ONE!"_ he proclaimed triumphantly as he thrust his index finger to the sky and earned a cheer from the guild (myself included as I decided that I definitely liked his style and would have no problems at all getting along with him).

…

And then…

…

A few minutes later, Mirajane pressed a magic stamper onto my shoulder and it produced a perfect crimson imprint of the Fairy Tail emblem on my left shoulder. "I'll consider it a badge of honor," I declared with a grin as I craned my head to look at it with a smile. Mirajane smiled, "Good, it's important to be proud of your guild!"

I turned my smile on her as I lifted my jacket and slung it over my shoulder, "I have no doubt that I'll be extremely proud to call this place home. Where I'm from, you couldn't have anywhere near this much fun without the law showing up to shut it down and arrest everyone involved." Then I tilted my head and smiled with slight embarrassment, "Ah, one more thing Miss Mirajane, how does this guild business work? I've never been in or interacted with one."

Mirajane looked at me in surprise, "Really? They don't have any guilds in your town?"

I smiled, "Ah yeah…see I'm from waaay far away. We don't have any guilds at all in my world." Then my trap snapped shut as I realized what had just escaped my mouth. I made a face and decided to accept it and move on as Mirajane realized what I'd said. "Parallel world," I explained, "Not a fun one. No magic at all. Just got here a few days ago. Not sure how."

Mirajane smiled at me in an "oh you poor sweet nitwit" sorta way and I glowered slightly, "If I were going to lie, why would I tell a lie that nobody would believe?"

Mirajane's smile faded as she thought about that and then she stiffened slightly as she realized that it was probably too absurd to be a lie. Master Makarov, who had just finished having an argument with a young boy who had run out of the guild crying, looked over at me as Natsu stormed out, "Ah, so you're from Edolas eh?"

I looked at him in surprise, "I might be. I'm not sure where Edolas is."

"It's a world parallel to this one which has a significant magic shortage," Makarov explained, "The people there are almost religious about conserving their magic."

I nodded, "Ah. Yeah, I must be from the dimension on the other side of that one. In my world we haven't got any magic at all, so my world is pretty radically different. I only got here a few days ago. I woke up on a street in Hargeon the day Natsu got there. Nothing on me except my clothes, a deck of magical cards, a good knife and a little piece of paper telling me to find Natsu and come join Fairy Tail. Oh, and something about not pissing off someone named Erza…do you know who that is? You're all laughing so I guess you do."

"Erza's one of our strongest wizards," Mirajane explained, "She's out on a job right now, but when she's here most everyone walks on eggshells around her because she's prone to playing disciplinarian with her fists."

"Tougher than Natsu I'm guessing," I mused. Elfman chuckled, "Natsu? Erza's stronger than just about _everybody_."

I looked at him, "Well, I guess if she's the group disciplinarian that makes sense. Wouldn't be able to do much to you guys if she wasn't a powerhouse. Back to the matter at hand though, how's a guild work? Like I said, never been around one, so this is all new to me."

Makarov smiled, "Well for starters, every year you pay a membership fee to help with upkeep of the guild hall and go towards our damage fund, and the guild gets five percent of whatever reward you rake in, plus the cost of whatever damages you cause in the course of the job to make sure that they're paid and the guild's reputation is able to stay intact. Over there is the request board," he gestured with his staff to a bulletin board that Natsu had been looking at earlier, "We take all kinds of jobs, basically anything except assassinations and other things deemed illegal abuse of magic by the Magic Council. We've got everything up there right now from hunting down proof of a mythical lake monster to stealing a book from some perverted duke."

I nodded and eyed the board as Master Makarov continued, "Once you pick a job, you let me or Mirajane know that you're taking it and then you head out to meet the client. The client will give you any further details on the job and then you take care of whatever problem they're having. Once you're done, you report back to the client and they give you your reward money. Then you come on back and let us know how it went. After that you can take another job whenever you want. There's no limit on how many jobs you can take except for what you're capable of. Once you take a job, you should at the very least attempt it as a matter of your honor as a Fairy Tail mage. Taking a job and failing is fine, but taking one and then not even attempting it is like stealing an opportunity from your brothers and sisters among the guild. Needless to say, it's pretty highly frowned upon."

I nodded, "Right, better take one that I can handle." I tilted my hand palm up and let it start glowing, "Got anything good for light and explosions?"

Makarov went pale, "How big of an explosion?"

"About fifty times the size of my projectile if the few times I've used it is anything to go on," I replied, "I've never tried to make anything other than about a fist sized, so I don't know if that ratio is constant or if it fluctuates."

I allowed a fist sized gloop of light to appear in my hand to demonstrate. I started morphing it into shapes, "I don't know how to change the color yet, and I don't know how big I can make these. They're totally harmless until I fire them. Then they turn into a laser beam that makes things explode. If I were to fire this, it would make a fireball about five meters in diameter with a pretty loud bang. I don't really know what else I can do with it."

Master Makarov studied my little light shapes, "Have you tried making illusions?" I thought about it and then my brow furrowed as I turned my hand and willed my little blob of light to turn into a mirror image of Master Makarov. My palm glowed like a searchlight and then a caricature of the Master appeared on the table. I flinched and then frowned, my pride as an artist would not let rubbish like that stand. A moment of glowing later, Makarov was looking at a pretty good imitation of himself. Makarov nodded, "That's pretty good, especially for your first attempt. How about invisibility? Can you do that?"

I tilted my head, thought about how invisibility was supposed to work and then closed my eyes as I tried to will the light to bend around me. I felt a wave of cold wash over me and shuddered. The feeling disappeared quickly as I opened my eyes, "That was weird." Then I noticed everybody was staring, "Did I do it?"

"For just a moment you were starting to fade out of sight," Makarov replied, "Whatever you just did, it seems like you were on the right track. Now would you mind telling me how you did that?"

"Master," Mirajane suddenly said in a warning tone. I glanced at her in surprise and learned that she had a surprisingly good death glare.

Makarov turned a slightly ruffled look on her, "What? It's a very interesting ability!"

"That you and every other pervert here would use to try to sneak into the girls' bath," Mirajane said flatly, "Jerry, don't tell him how that works and don't get any ideas about sneaking into the girls' bath. I will find out, and I _will_ make you regret it."

I thought about it, "Did I hear Lucy say you're a pin up model?"

Mirajane's eyes narrowed, "You might have. Why?"

"In the event I never work up the nerve to ask you out I would like to at least see you in a bikini at some point," I replied bluntly, "You are absolutely gorgeous, and I'd have to seriously question my own manhood if there wasn't a large part of me screaming to hunt down some of those pictures. Sorry," I added with a smile and shrug, "simple truth. Any man who doesn't want to see more of _you_ has something very, _very_ wrong with him."

There was a lethal silence and I noticed that everyone was leaning away from me. I kept my smile plastered on, "Am I about to get blasted into a smear on the ground?"

"That depends," Mirajane said quietly, "How much did you mean that?"

"One hundred percent?" I replied curiously, "Why _wouldn't _I mean it?"

Mirajane laughed slightly and smiled a secret little smile that made my heart skip a beat, "I'm a frequent Sorcerer Weekly Centerfold. You can buy it at most newspaper stands." She turned to arrange some bottles on the shelf behind her, "Don't ever lose that honesty of yours," she looked over her shoulder and shot me a wink and smile as she added, "it's kind of cute."

I'm not sure exactly when I wound up looking at the ceiling, or when I fell off my stool, but the next thing I knew I was on my back in the floor with everyone laughing. I looked around, thought for a moment and sat up, "The heck just happened?"

The laughter started fresh and I noticed Mirajane was blushing just as pink as her dress (very pink and it looked extremely cute on her). I thought for a moment, _no pain or throbbing in the face from a smack, so it probably wasn't Elfman decking me which means…_ "I just got hearts in my eyes and fainted didn't I?"

The laughter intensified and I picked myself up. I dusted myself off, set my hat back on my head, caught my jacket off the back of my barstool, "That's never happened before. Well, I guess it's a good thing I enjoy making people laugh eh? Time to go pick out a job I think. What was that I heard about one to steal a book from a perverted duke? I think I just found me an excuse to practice my invisibility!"


	4. Ch4: Crime and Punishment

**AN:**

_Ok! Here we go with the Everlue job! But before we do that, reviewer replies! I'm going to try to do these at the beginning of every chapter if I get a review on the previous chapter before the next one comes out, other comments I'll try to reply to via PM. :D_

**_Reptil:_**_ Thank you so much for your kind words! :D Yes Jerry is a rather tough and extremely talented wizard, and it's __really__ going to show in this chapter, but I guarantee that there is an INCREDIBLY good reason for it, which I'm saving for a pretty big reveal down the road. There'll be periodic hints leading up to it, but I'm expecting it to hit somewhere around Chapter 30 or so, maybe a little later since I haven't written it yet, but the reason IS there and I promise it'll explain his strength and magical aptitude perfectly (at least I think it does). Again, thank you for your kind words, I hope you continue to enjoy!_

**_AND NOW ON WITH THE SHOW! :D_**

Chapter 4 – Crime and Punishment

I was caught at the request board by a cute girl who was barely jaw high on me with blue hair and her two lanky guy friends. "Hey did I really just see you turn invisible?" she asked excitedly, "That's so cool! You said you were taking the book stealing gig right?"

I nodded, "That's right. Were you going after it?" The girl nodded, "Yeah, but we'd be willing to share if you want to join us! I'm Levy, this is Jet and this is Droy. We're Team Shadow Gear. That invisibility of yours would be perfect for this job, so we'd be delighted to have you along!"

I smiled, "Well that sounds quite agreeable. Being my first job like this, I was thinking of finding a more experienced member to join me anyway. Best way to keep the muck ups to a minimum yeah?"

"Definitely!" Levy agreed, then she leaned around me and waved a piece of paper, "Hey Master! We're taking the book stealing gig in Shirotsume! Jerry's coming with us!"

"Good luck and take care! Show him the ropes and try not to go overboard!" Master called back, "I've heard enough out of the council for one month!"

"You got it!" Levy called as she led us towards the door, "See you in a few days!"

As soon as we were out the door, I pulled my deck of cards from my pocket and drew the top card before tossing it. It grew midair to the size of a large carpet and hovered. I stepped on and walked to the front before sitting down. I looked over my shoulder at Team Shadow Gear who were all gaping at me, "You guys gonna get on or what?"

"YES!" Levy exclaimed excitedly. Then she seemed to teleport and I suddenly had a pair of small thin arms wrapped around my shoulders. I also had two jealous male wizards glaring at me as Levy set her chin on my shoulder. "It's just like a magic carpet!" she gushed.

I smiled, "Sort of. It's not as soft, but I should be able to carry all four of us no problem." I felt the weight as Jet and Droy climbed on and Jet asked, "How fast does this go?"

I looked over my shoulder, "With passengers I'm not going faster than about thirty miles per hour, which is about an extremely fast horse's gallop, but since we'll be doing that at flying altitude, we should get there fairly quickly. Actually…" I flicked off a few more cards from the top of my deck and turned them into seat backs and arm rests, two more to make side walls and then I frowned, "I still can't go too fast or we risk one of you getting blown off, but we should be able to go faster now."

"I could still get us there fastAH!" Jet's ungrateful grumbling was cut off by me slamming another card down on his head, effectively putting a lid on his seat and shoving it to the back to turn it into a trunk compartment. I glared at Droy, "Any _further_ complaints?"

Droy sat back with a grin as he reclined on the box his friend was stuffed in, "Nah. I'm good. Do your thing man!"

I looked at Levy, "He is officially the better of your minions." If Levy hadn't had the "armrests" I'd made, she would've fallen off the card laughing at Jet and Droy being referred to as "minions".

I lifted the card up smoothly. Thanks to the size of it, our combined weight had been effectively reduced to less than a thirtieth of what it normally was, so I was able to easily lift all three of us high into the air over Magnolia. I looked at Levy, "Okeydokey Miss Levy, where we headed?"

Levy looked around and pointed, "Shirotsume is that way. Let's see what this baby can do!"

I turned us to face the direction she had pointed, put cards across the armrests to act as seatbelts, put a hand on my hat and mentally floored it. Turns out, my magic _car_-d has an acceleration speed of zero to fifty-two miles per hour in four seconds (my magic told me). I slowed us to a stop after a few minutes because I was pretty sure I wasn't the only one running short on breath, and holding onto my hat with one hand and the other over my mouth and nose so that I could breathe was a pain. We were zipping through the air so fast that we couldn't draw a breath because the air was zipping by too quickly.

I inhaled and exhaled, "Okay, I'm gonna put up a windshield right quick." I threw up a card across the front and sloped it back towards us to reduce the drag and wind resistance. I looked over at Levy, "Before we start going again, how far are we going? That's fifty two miles an hour we just did, but with the windshield up we won't be able to-"

"Holy crap there's Shirotsume!" Droy exclaimed as he leaned to look over the side and point.

I shrank the windshield in surprise, "Really?" Levy nodded and confirmed that it was only twelve miles from Magnolia. She then also confirmed that it was indeed Shirotsume a little ways away and congratulated Droy on spotting it. I smiled, "Oh, well that makes things simple doesn't it?"

…

==About Three Hours Later==

…

I sighed as Jet and Droy leapt to attack the short fat obnoxious…_slime_ that went by Duke Everlue as said slime stain called Levy ugly. Everlue's massive gorilla of a head maid snatched them both out of the air and smashed them into each other and then the ground effortlessly. Everlue's other rather hideous caricatures of maids proceeded to stomp on and kick them while they were down and Levy looked like she was almost in tears. I sighed as I walked out of the trees, "Well, so much for plan A."

All present turned to look at me and I smiled, "Good day to you, Duke Everlue I presume? We have come to arrange a deal on behalf of our client. I do apologize for our logical deception, but we had to make sure you actually had what we were looking for. Also, please pardon my idiotic associates for their most egregious assault upon your person. Rest assured they will be punished thoroughly later and I do hope that their brash behavior does not cast a pall on our negotiations."

Everlue's eyes narrowed, "Hmm…negotiations you say? I suppose I could forgive these louts' behavior if what you are offering is sufficiently enticing."

"Two million jewels for the book called _Daybreak,_" I declared bluntly, "Our client is a huge fan of the author and heard rumor of a book that nobody except one person had ever gotten to read. He is willing to spend quite a considerable amount of money for a chance to read it."

Everlue frowned, "Hmm…you do make a tempting offer…but no. That book is mine and mine alone! No amount of money will be enough to buy it from me."

I nodded, "I see. So it does exist, and it is in your possession?"

"Yes now go away!" Everlue snapped, "Leave my property at once or I shall have you removed by force."

I smiled as I imagined the little sleaze ball's head bouncing on the ground, "Very well. Good day to you sir." I picked up Jet and Droy by the collars and dragged them along, "Come along Levy. We'll just have to tell the client that it's no deal on Daybreak."

Levy looked at me in confusion and then ran slightly to catch up with me. I waited until we were out of sight of Everlue's manor, "And now, we know he's got it. Also, you make a terribly cute blonde, so ignore the sleaze bag with no taste in women." Levy blushed slightly, I guess she heard how amazing she was from Jet and Droy so often that it had rather lost its effect when it came from them, but she really did look _extremely_ cute in that maid outfit with her hair magically dyed blonde.

An hour later the four of us snuck back under the cover of my invisibility. I used my cards to cut the latch on one of the windows and force it open and in we slipped. We strode through the mansion until we found the library. When we did, we found Everlue waiting for us, the book clutched in his grubby little paws with his giant maid behind him and two imposing looking fellows flanking them. One was armed with a great big frying pan and I raised an eyebrow as Everlue cackled, "Go ahead and show yourselves wizards! Now that I know what you're after it was easy to set up my security here! Even if you can turn invisible, you still can't hide the fact that you have to open the door!"

I dropped my invisibility spell and shrugged, "Oh dear, you got us." "_VANISH BROTHERS!"_ The two imposing guys charged us. "Jet! Droy!" Levy barked. The two male members of Team Shadow Gear leapt into action and were immediately flattened by a flying sidekick and a frying pan. Then the "Vanish Brother" that had kicked Jet in the face landed on Levy's _Oil Slick_ spell and fell down, cracking his head in the process, and then the other fell victim to the _Anvil_ that fell on his head and knocked him soundly unconscious before bouncing off and making sure the other one didn't wake up for a while.

Everlue gaped and I grinned at Levy, "Very nice." Levy grinned and curtsied. Why she was still wearing her maid uniform I have no idea, although she had changed her hair back to blue.

"V-Virgo! Stop them!" Everlue exclaimed. The giant maid leapt clear over his head and attempted to body slam us, "_Flying Virgo Attack!" _I replied with a laser beam that knocked her from the air and sent her flying. She slammed into the ceiling and then fell to the floor before dissolving in golden light.

I raised an eyebrow, "A Celestial Spirit?" then I noticed something else, "CRAP! Where'd he go?!" Levy and I ran over and quickly found the hole. Levy stared at the tunnel for a second and then a wicked little grin crossed her face. "Oh _Droo-oy…"_ She sing-songed.

Droy was immediately wide awake despite the giant frying pan in the face a moment earlier and standing at our side like an obedient puppy, "You called Levy?"

"Everlue went down this hole," Levy explained, "Send some of your plants down there and pull him out by his feet. If he's not still in there then find out where he went."

"You got it Levy!" Droy exclaimed excitedly as he pulled some seeds from the yellow bandolier he wore and threw them down into the hole, "Knuckle Plant!"

The hole immediately erupted in foliage and Droy frowned in concentration, "He's not in there anymore, but I can tell where he went. Come on, this way!" We turned to take off and were greeted with the sight of the Vanish Brothers getting back up. I growled, "Levy, Droy, take Jet and go after Everlue. I'll handle these two."

So saying I launched one of my instantly billboard sized cards like a cannonball and blew them both back through the wall and out into the massive entry hall that dominated the center of the mansion. I charged through after them, shooting my steel hard cards like bullets. I had to give the Vanish Brothers credit, the one with the frying pan almost immediately started deflecting my bullet cards and doing a fine job of it. Even after I started manipulating them like a swarm of lightning quick hornets, he was still managing to block most of them.

I raised an eyebrow with a grin, _Well if physical attacks won't work, then let's see how they do against OWWW._ I was driven to a knee as a very large foot collided with the top of my head. An instant later another foot slammed into my face with enough force to send me flying. I rolled a landing and my eyes narrowed into a glare as the taller of the Vanish brothers skipped back to stand on the shorter brother's frying pan.

"Heaven and Earth Annihilation," The shorter one declared, "The true power of the Vanish Brothers. You look to the earth, we strike from above." Then the taller one added, "And when you look to the heavens, we strike from the earth. Few have seen this combination and lived to tell of it." "Tell us," the short one asked, "Do you know the wizards' weakness?"

"If they focus on their mind at the expense of physical training then their weakness is their body," I declared, "Do you know the warrior's weakness?"

The two brothers tilted their heads in unison, "Eh?" I guess they'd never had their question turned back on them before.

"Overconfidence," I declared bluntly. Then I dropped a massive, iron hard card half as wide as the ceiling on them with the force of a car crash. Then I picked it up and smashed them a few more times for good measure. I shrank my card back and recalled it before firing a bomb shot at them. The Vanish Brothers were sent flying away from each other and I started unloading on them. Explosion after explosion went off until I was certain they'd stay down. I raised my finger guns and glanced from one to the other. Then my eyes went wide in horror as I saw a glow coming from one of them.

"_FLAME COOKING!"_ The shorter one shouted as he aimed his frying pan at me and sent the full power of my explosions back at me as a massive fire bolt. I got one card up to block the worst of the flames. When they faded, I noticed something immensely annoying. I pulled my card aside to peek out and saw that the smaller brother had abandoned the fight to run and go check on the larger, who hadn't had a magic frying pan for protection.

I frowned as I saw the horrific burns the larger Vanish Brother was covered in and shook my head. The words on the card that had welcomed me to this world echoed in my head, _it's never too late to forgive and make a friend._

"Oy, Vanish Brothers," I called. The smaller one glared over his shoulder at me, and I gave him a level grim look, "One of you is injured, and judging by the looks of him he's in no shape to finish this battle. If you attempt to fight me now, then I will target him mercilessly and without remorse. Leave this place and get your brother to a doctor. I won't stop you." I reached into my wallet, pulled out three of the 50000 jewel notes and set them on one of my cards. I gently pushed the card and money over to them, "I don't know how much Everlue was paying you, but maybe that'll be enough to get your brother some medical attention."

The smaller Vanish Brother looked at the money warily, "Is this some kind of trick?"

I snorted, "If I wanted you dead, you would be. These cards of mine can move at speeds faster than sound itself. I could've had your heads off in an instant. Now take that money, take your brother, and go get him a doctor. You fought well Vanish Brothers, most people wouldn't have been able to stand after that smashing I gave you," I declared with a grin, "We'll call this fight an undecided draw for now and look forward to a rematch somewhere down the road. What do you say?"

The smaller Vanish Brother was quiet for a moment and then he looked at his brother and sighed. He took the money and hefted his brother's arm over his shoulder before drawing himself to his feet. He nodded to me, "Thank you wizard. We shall train relentlessly in preparation for our rematch with you. May I know your name?"

I smiled, "I am Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail." The smaller Vanish Brother nodded, "I am Yu Pan, and this is my brother Mi Shu. We the Vanish Brothers shall do battle with you again one day Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail. Until then though, farewell." And with that, they vanished in a puff of smoke.

I waited for a moment to make sure they were gone and not about to sucker punch me with that frying pan, and then I heard the screaming and had to run.

An instant of trying to figure out where the screams were coming from later and I decided screw it. I just went ahead and started blasting holes through walls. Going that way, it only took a few minutes to find them, and it was a good thing I found them when I did.

Jet and Droy were both unconscious with nasty head wounds and Everlue was watching with sadistic glee as the mountainous maid held Levy in the air by the outstretched arms and pulled with the sort of slow steady force that would have her shoulders out of their sockets in a few minutes at most. Everlue jumped when I blasted through the wall and that was the last he knew about it for a few minutes because I slammed one of my bullet cards into his jaw like a steel clad uppercut. Everlue went flying and I turned a vicious glare on the mountain maid, "Put. Her. Down."

The mountainous maid dropped her, "Okay." Then she charged me and got an explosion in the face for her troubles. To my surprise and mild horror, she plowed right on through it, scorched but otherwise unscathed with a massive punch ready to deck me.

I dodged and slammed the most massive punch I could into her stomach. It was like punching a boulder and then she just fell on top of me. It was then, as I was laying there suffocating and being crushed under her massive bulk that I realized something. _"This isn't your real form is it?! DISPERSE!"_

I'm not sure quite how I did it, but somehow the solid light she had used to hide her true form was blown away in the eruption of light that I cut loose and I was left with a considerably smaller body on top of me. I didn't even think about it, the instant that massive weight turned small, I did the punch and roll. In an instant I was on my knees, she was on her back, and she was kicking her legs up and wrapping my head in a scissor hold. Once again, I was getting smothered, although this time it was muscle, not fat. Cue the kidney punch! One two jabs in the kidneys and slam with the head. Her grip with her legs broke and before she could recover I drove an elbow into the inside of her knee, hooked my right arm under her left leg and flipped her. I surged upwards and caught her wrist, forcing it up behind her back as I grabbed the back of her head and shoved it into the floor.

It was then that I noticed two things. Number one, she was beautiful. Number two, she looked… shockingly aroused. Then she let out an excited little pant and I was so flustered that my grip loosened up enough for her to break free and roll me off of her. Before I knew what had happened, she was straddling me, had my hands pinned over my head with a pair of handcuffs that I had no idea where she'd pulled them from, and was giving me the _sultriest_ damn look I had ever been on the receiving end of with eyes nearly as blue and intoxicating as Mirajane's. "Is that all you've got?" she purred a few scant inches from my face, "Come on…punish me some more…"

I blinked, _masochist._ I headbutted her, forced myself to sit up and stopped because I suddenly found myself with a very pretty spirit in my lap looking like she was about to juice herself. She moaned and just as my brain was in danger of putting my body on autopilot, Everlue started flipping out.

Apparently, he did not approve of her form (which was gorgeous and infinitely better than that form she'd been wearing for him), did not approve of the way she was fighting, and also did not approve of her cooking, her housekeeping or her general attitude. That was all declared at the top of his lungs and in very rude phrasing which to keep my blood pressure down I'm not even going to try to remember, and to top it off, those last three I could tell actually very much hurt her… and then he threw her key on the ground and declared that he was going to get another spirit.

The pretty spirit in my lap looked horribly shocked and utterly heartbroken, and was just about to dissolve into golden light with tears forming in her eyes when I caught her and turned her to face me, "You're Virgo right? As soon as I'm done dealing with that son of a bitch over there that just broke his contract with you, I want to make one. Are you okay with that?"

Virgo looked stunned and then nodded slightly with a little blush and smile rising to her cheeks. A second later she disappeared in a little burst of light along with the handcuffs she had managed to slap on me, and then I turned a murderous glare on Everlue.

A few minutes later, Levy was looking at me in mild horror at the state I'd left the little shit stain in as I gently picked up Virgo's key. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that fifty two rapid fire sledge hammer blows really leaves a mark. The only reason I hadn't reduced him the rest of the way to an actual stain on the floor was because a quick death would've been far FAR too merciful. "Umm…I think you might have gone a little overboard," Levy declared nervously.

I snorted, "Anyone who would hurt someone that loyal to them that badly deserves to be beaten three quarters of the way to death and then left to suffer through the last quarter slowly. Did you get the book?" Levy flinched as she remembered why we were there and then started looking around, "Ah! There it is!"

With a little cajolery and reasoning, Levy used her Gale Force Reading Glasses to help me sort through all the documents in Everlue's manor for something to get him locked up (and thereby shift the eyes of the law away from our little B&E as well as ensure that Everlue's punishment did not end with my pulverizing him). In less than an hour we were toting a hogtied Everlue and a pile of paperwork down to the nearest police station. The local sheriff started looking through the documents and evidence we'd brought him, thanked us, and declared that Everlue was probably never going to set foot outside of a prison again.

Levy read _Daybreak_ on the way back to the client's house and realized it was an enchanted book. Upon entering the presence of the client (one Kaby Melon) the book's words and letters unscrambled themselves to reveal the real nature of the book, which was the author's final masterpiece for his son, who was in fact the client. Knowing what we did about the circumstances which led to the book's writing, it was a very sweet ending.

Levy declared that we wouldn't accept the reward because we technically hadn't completed the job of burning the book. I nodded in approval. Jet and Droy kept quiet but moaned in disappointment as soon as we were out the door. I slapped them both in the heads with 50000 jewel notes (it required a little jumping since they were both taller than me) and told them to be quiet. The members of Team Shadowgear stared at me as I explained that I actually hadn't needed the money for this job and just wanted the experience…and an excuse to not be in the guild hall getting laughed at for getting so googly eyed over Mirajane.

Levy giggled slightly at the reminder and then swatted Jet and Droy when they started laughing at me. "You two have no room to laugh at him," Levy declared bluntly, "Especially since I can get the same reaction out of both of you at the same time, despite the fact that we've all known each other since we were kids and you should be used to it by now." Then she shot them the same sort of wink and smile that Mirajane had shot me, "Right?"

Jet and Droy both immediately collapsed like Yu Pan Vanish had introduced them to the business end of his frying pan with hearts in their eyes. Levy waved their antics off with a sigh, "Forgive them, they're hopeless goofballs." Then she smiled, "But they're _my_ hopeless goofballs, so I don't mind." Then she looked at me, "Didn't you say you were going to make a contract with that Celestial Spirit girl as soon as you were done with Everlue?"

I flinched slightly as I remembered and then nodded, "Yeah, thanks for reminding me." I drew the key from my pocket and realized something. I pointed the key like I had seen Lucy do, "Virgo, I don't know if you can hear me, and I'm sorry if there's an incantation for this that I don't know, but I would like to make our contract now if you're not busy. Open Gate of the Maiden, Virgo!"

Apparently she could hear me, because she popped from the ground in a burst of golden light with a sound like a clock's chime. She was every bit as beautiful as she had been when we fought, only now, rather than a maid's uniform, she was dressed in a tight black and gold militaristic jacket open quite revealingly at the chest, spotless white pants and gloves, and thigh high black boots with a pair of handcuffs and a whip at her belt. She looked dangerous, powerful and intoxicatingly sexy.

I smiled, "Ah good, it worked!" Virgo smiled back playfully, "Never had any training as a Celestial Wizard huh Master? Don't worry, everyone has to start somewhere."

I may have blushed slightly with embarrassment, "Heh, yeah. Aright, you got me. I've never had any training as a Celestial Wizard, or a wizard at all really, so how's this contract business work? My friend Lucy's a Celestial Wizard and I've heard her mention them, but I've never actually seen or read one."

Virgo smiled, "It's really simple actually. I tell you the days I'm free to be summoned, which is every day except Sunday, and you agree to not summon me on Sundays."

I then realized something very important, "Alright, but first I must ask one question." "Go ahead," Virgo asked with the faintest wariness in her eyes.

"What day is today?" I asked with an embarrassed grin, "Sorry, I just got yanked here from a different dimension a few days ago, I have no idea what day, month, or even year it is."

Virgo blinked and then started laughing as she told me that it was Thursday July 4th, year X784. I blinked, "Today's the fourth of July? Holy crap, Happy Fourth of July!"

Virgo, Levy and the recently recovered from their fainting Jet and Droy looked at me curiously. "Is the fourth of July important?" Virgo asked.

I tilted my head as I thought about it, "Ehhh…in this dimension I doubt it, but back home it's pretty much my home nation's birthday. It's one of our big holidays where most everyone gets a day off. That's all rather beside the point though, so let's continue. I can summon you any day except Sunday, is there anything I cannot or _should_ _not_ ask you to do, either because you can't or because you just don't want to?"

Virgo thought about it for a moment, "Well, I am bound by Celestial law to not kill you through direct or indirect means, so I won't do that even if you ask me since it would lead to my own excruciatingly slow death by exile. That's about the only thing I _can't_ do, aside from things I don't have the magic to do, such as revive the dead or things like that. I can fight though, and I'll be happy to do so, although I don't like killing so I'd be happy if you would refrain from asking me to do that."

"But slowly pulling my arms out of their sockets is okay?!" Levy exclaimed.

Virgo and I looked at her and Virgo blinked, "Well yes, putting shoulders back in isn't really a problem, it's simple first aid." Levy's expression was a bit priceless as Virgo turned back to me, "Anything else really is quite on the table aside from harming children. I feel certain you wouldn't, but just in case, I'd like it made clear that I would be _really_ uncomfortable with that. I can't stay in this world for long stretches of time, being here too long is one of the only things that can actually kill a Celestial Spirit. Everything else pretty much goes away when we return to the Celestial Spirit World." Her expression turned grim and sad, "Poor brother Leo…"

My interest immediately piqued, Leo was _my_ birth sign, "What happened to him?"

Virgo frowned, "He interceded on behalf of Aries. You see the wizard holding their keys was a very bad woman who was horrible to her spirits. When that woman was planning to torture Aries by making her stay here in the human world for a week, which could very well have killed her, Leo came and stayed here in the human world for _months_, something no other spirit could have done, to drain her power so that she couldn't summon Aries or any other spirits to abuse. Then that woman went and died because she couldn't summon any of the spirits she had keys for to help her in a fight. Unfortunately, the Celestial Spirit King saw that as violation of the law against killing our wizards, and Leo's been banished from the Celestial Spirit World for over three years now."

Nobody could have missed the tears welling in her eyes, "If brother Leo's still alive, then he must be in unimaginable agony right now, every second of every day."

"Because he stuck up for his little sister and the bitch that was hurting her had a terminal case of _stupid?!_" I barked, "That's **BULLSHIT!** Where is this king?! I demand a retrial! Any human court would find Leo _totally_ in the right! Right?!" I turned to Levy because Levy seemed really smart, "Things aren't messed up enough here that he'd be wrong to protect his family, right?!"

"Definitely not!" Levy agreed, "And if that raging _bitch_ (Jet and Droy actually visibly flinched at the sound of Levy cussing) went and got herself killed rather than stop abusing the spirits that are supposed to be her friends, then that's on her! You don't join a wizard guild and take a job that you know could be dangerous when you know you've got no magic power! That's just suicide! If all she had to do was be nicer to her spirits then she should've just done that! Leo did nothing wrong! All he did was try to protect his family!"

"The only thing I could even possibly see as being wrong with Leo's actions is that he didn't take a more active approach to getting rid of that wizard," Jet declared angrily. Droy nodded, "Even if he couldn't kill her like a human would for messing with their little sister, he should've tried to find a way to dissolve the contract. There are other ways to dissolve the contract besides death right?"

Virgo frowned in thought, "Only if the wizard gives up the key or is arrested…"

I pounced, "So if a wizard is so bad that even by human standards they're scum then the contract can be dissolved?!" Virgo blinked at me, "Um…I suppose that's right…"

"Then Aries's contract should've been dissolved long before that wizard's death!" Levy exclaimed, "If it's standard of human behavior and morality that determines where the line is, then that wizard had long since crossed it and was already in _gross_ violation of the contract! You don't just abuse people like that! Don't you make me get my Wind Reader Glasses out!" She declared angrily as she spun and pointed an accusatory finger at the gigantic spirit that had appeared behind us in the oh-so-subtle time stop that had only been given away by the expression of shock on Virgo's face.

Jet and Droy actually looked mildly intimidated by that threat. "Don't make her do it!" Jet begged the titanic looking spirit.

"She'll bury you in such a mountain of evidence and case files to support her argument that it'll take a month to dig yourself out!" Droy added.

"Show us the contract and the evidence for both sides," I declared firmly, "We'll punch the accusation's arguments full of more holes than there are stars in the sky! If the clause for dissolving contracts when the keyholder steps across the line into immoral action is for the protection of Celestial Spirits, then the verdict itself is in direct violation of that clause as any human court would find Leo and Aries' deceased wizard in gross violation of numerous living rights laws! On those grounds alone the verdict should be overturned! Whether it is the word or the spirit of the law upon which the judgment was based, either way, the key holder was clearly in the wrong in that situation! Aries's contract should've been severed the _instant_ that wizard tried to chain her up and keep her in the human world, if not sooner as that is nothing less than attempted murder!"

"Even if by some obscure chance the wording of the law puts Leo on the wrong side of it," Levy declared fiercely, "Words are worth _nothing_ without spirit to back them up. I'm a solid script mage. I know words better than _anyone_, so I move that it should be the _spirit_ of the law that is taken into account, NOT the wording!"

The Celestial Spirit King (Virgo told me after the fact) stroked his immense mustache and was quiet for several moments as he stared off into space, "You humans make a valid point, and upon reviewing the evidence, I do believe that you are correct. Very well then, **_LEO THE LION…_**"

There was a flash of light and a sound like a clock chime and the ginger haired guy that I'd seen at the Guild Hall that morning was suddenly standing before us looking very flustered if not outright _stunned_. "LOKE?!" Team Shadowgear chorused.

Loke who was apparently also Leo turned and looked at us, "Um, hi guys… hey Virgo, um, what's going on?" He pointed at the Celestial Spirit King before asking in a kinda small voice, "And why is he here?"

"Your retrial is in session," I responded bluntly, "Levy and I are your defense attorneys. I think we're winning."

Loke/Leo started to splutter and protest and was cut off by Levy's hand snapping out, curling into his lapel and yanking him down to look her in the eye. Loke/Leo was quite pale as Levy explained to him just exactly why he was innocent, how it was not his fault and how he wouldn't have to wait on a slow death by exile if he made a monkey out of her in the courtroom by refusing the pardon we had just worked very hard to get for him. When she was finally done she asked in a quiet, steely voice, "Do I make myself _perfectly clear_ Mr. Lion?"

I'm not sure if Loke/Leo soiled himself from Levy's absolute _death glare_, but I don't think it's too much of a stretch to guess that he wanted to as he replied in a small timid voice, "Yes ma'am…"

"Pfftffft…Pffft…" We all looked at the Celestial Spirit King and saw he was trembling and then, "**_PFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**" We all stared as the Celestial Spirit King proceeded to burst out howling with laughter fit to literally shake the heavens.

A moment later when the Celestial Spirit King's laughter petered out, he smiled a big toothy smile at us, "Leo the Lion, you are hereby granted return passage to the Celestial World. You are exonerated. Be grateful to the guidance of the stars!"

Leo went to his knees in shock with tears brimming in his eyes, "Thank you…thank you all so much…" he cried as he covered his eyes with his hands, "Please sir, I have to make it up to them!"

The Celestial Spirit King was starting to fade out of existence in what looked like a ripple of reality, "Very well then. Choose one of these two who argued so passionately for your innocence to be your new keyholder."

"LEVY!" Leo declared without hesitation as he snapped an adoring gaze to the blue haired Solid Script mage. I couldn't blame him, she _was_ supremely cute, especially in that maid's uniform (yeah she was still in it). Levy blushed slightly and shook her head with a smile, "Sorry Loke, I've already got Jet and Droy drooling over my every step, don't need a third one. Why don't you give it to Jerry? He's already got Virgo's key."

Leo looked over his shoulder at me with a flat stare and slumped a little at the fact that I was emphatically male, "Okay…"

I walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, "Come on bro, I need a good wingman." Leo's head snapped up and he looked at me in surprise. Then a huge grin lit up his features, "Now that's more like it!"

I grinned and offered him my hand, "Partners?" Leo took the hand with a grin, "Partners." I nodded, "Now you go on home and get some rest, you've earned it bro." Leo laughed as he dissolved in a cloud of golden light and left a key in my quickly clenched hand with the symbol of Leo the Lion on it.

I smiled at it, "What an eventful first day I'm having…" Virgo cleared her throat, "Um, Master? Since we've completed the contract, can we resume our conversation later? I want to get home to welcome Brother Leo back."

I nodded with a smile, "Of course, we'll talk later. Go be with your family. My questions can wait a while." "Thank you!" Virgo chirped as she disappeared in a burst of golden light.

I turned back to Team Shadowgear, "So, shall we head home?" I grimaced down at the burn holes littering the sleeves of my jacket and the char blackened ruins of my poor hat in my hand, "I've got some shopping to do." I sighed at it, "This was my favorite freakin' hat too…"

**AN:**

_Okay, now before I get bombarded with comments that that was too easy on saving Loke/Leo, I'd like to point out that in canon all it took was Lucy pitching a complete and utter hissy fit about how unfair Leo's punishment was. Levy and Jerry were actually ready to start pulling case files and have an all out legal debate with King Stash-Face. I get the feeling from canon that the Celestial Spirit King really hated having to banish Leo at all and was probably looking for any even halfway decent excuse to pardon him. I'm pretty sure that a legal team from Fairy Tail featuring Levy is enough reason for anyone to just shut up and go with it to avoid the horrors that arguing with them would bring down._


	5. Ch5: In the Archives

**AN:** _Ok, before we get this show on the road, reviewer replies! I want to preface all of these by saying thank you so much to everybody who has liked this story, and especially to those of you who are leaving comments. I can't tell you how much they make my day every time. :D_

**_Reptil: _**_I'm glad you enjoyed! Writing Levy and Team Shadowgear was fun, the trickiest bit was figuring out how and why Levy was selected for the S-Class trial in canon, because while we all love Levy, we never really get to see her do very much that's badass prior to the S-Class trials, and even then she had to share the spotlight a pretty good bit. So my theory is that she's actually not just the brains, but also the __**powerhouse**__ of Team Shadowgear, with Jet and Droy acting as her sidekicks. Jet and Droy strike me a bit as comic relief characters, especially later in the story, so I thought, "Hey, what if they're both bumbling goofballs, but Levy always pulls their chops out of the fire and that's why they love her so much?" Then that line of thought led to Levy actually using their goofs and mistakes in direct combat to set up her own much better attacks, example "__**Oil Slick**__" and "__**Anvil**__". __We will be seeing the Vanish Brothers again, but they're going to be busy healing and then training their butts off for a while, so it will be a few arcs before they make their return. Don't feel too bad for Lucy about her not getting Leo and Virgo. Can't say too much about it now, but given that Jerry is a Celestial Mage as well now, there is going to be considerable exploration of Celestial Wizardry, and with Lucy being one of Jerry's teammates, she will of course benefit from what he learns, and learn a few things on her own as well!_

**_The watcher earth C-137: _**_Glad you're enjoying and very happy that you liked my explanation! It really did strike me as a little bit odd that a mere hissy fit could overturn such a serious legal judgment and while I __**was**__ ecstatic to see Leo (my birth sign) added to the main roster, it just never did sit quite right with me how that was handled. So, I fixed it. :D Now wait no longer, for here it is! Chapter 5 has arrived!_

_**An Old Crow: **__You know that face Makarov made when the mayor gave back the Guild Hall after the Grand Magic Games? That's the face I made when I read your review. Thank you so much for your kind words, I think that may legit be one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten. Worry not about the future of this story, I can guarantee that my weekly posting schedule will continue at least through Christmas of this year, so you won't be left wanting for regular updates this year. :D_

_Now without further ado..._

**Chapter 5 – In The Archives**

I wound up just crashing in the Guild Hall that night, it was almost dark by the time we got done negotiating with the Celestial Spirit King for Leo's pardon and explaining what all had happened to Master Makarov. Mirajane gave me a beat up old blanket and told me there was a couch in the archives. Then she showed me the archives and I'm not gonna lie, I started drooling as I excitedly exclaimed, "BOOKS!"

The archives were in the Guild Hall's basement. It was a _huge_ room, probably thirty feet tall and stacked to the roof with shelves laden with books branching out from massive wooden beams that looked almost like they had been grown into that shape (given that I was in a wizard guild, that didn't seem too farfetched).

I had seen entire public libraries with fewer books than what I was looking at right now, hell, this was big enough to be two or three libraries on its own! It had massive ladders on tracks and wheels to reach the top shelves, and I guess it really had to unless everyone who ever went in knew how to fly. The floor was down even lower than the rest of the basement and as soon as one walked through the door there were book shelves on the left, a wide staircase leading down to a landing before going even further down to the floor of the massive room, and a nice little reading area set up in the middle with a coffee table, a lamp and a pair of blue velvet sofas. There had to be tens, no, _hundreds_ of thousands of books in that room.

"Oho," Mirajane grinned, "A bookworm like Levy?" I nodded, utterly enraptured by the absolute _mountain _of books before me, "Back home I had hundreds of books, and my mom and grandparents had hundreds each, altogether we had a few thousand between us. My dad only had fewer because he was so busy with work. We had more books than anyone I knew, but this... So. Many. BOOKS." I grinned, "I might not sleep tonight…or tomorrow…or the next day!"

Mirajane smiled, "Well, there's a pair of wind reader glasses on the table there if you decide you want to read. Please put them back in their case when you're done." I nodded with a huge grin, "Thank you, so, SO _MUCH!_"

Then I realized Mirajane was smiling and I found myself suddenly flat on the floor looking at the ceiling again as Mira laughed. This fainting thing was going to make an issue of itself wasn't it? Mira crouched down over me, still smiling, "Am I really that beautiful?"

I nodded, "Definitely." Mirajane smiled and then a mischievous grin dominated her features and holy _crap_ did it look hot on her!

"So when I smile you faint…" she mused, "What happens if I straddle you?" My brain screeched to a halt and all the blood from up top shot to rigid attention in a very different spot. Mirajane smirked, "Let's find out." I was very quickly caught in a limbo between fainting and being completely and utterly enraptured by what was happening as Mira proceeded to do exactly that. Mira put a hand over her mouth and shot me a smoldering coy look with a naughty little grin, "Oh my what an interesting face you're making! This _is_ a fun little experiment…let's see what happens next…"

She laid down on top of me and cupped my face in her hands to make sure that my eyes couldn't escape her utterly captivating deep blue gaze as those perfect white curls fell down around us like curtains to block off the rest of the world and ensure that my attention did not stray. I'm not sure if my heart was hammering or doing a slow rythmic blasting trying to beat its way out of my chest to embrace the firm-soft-wonderful pressure pressed up against it, but with Mirajane pressed against me, my eyes utterly lost in hers, I am completely sure that I was at least one hundred and fifty two percent at her mercy. "I wonder what would happen…" she murmured. _KISSKISSKISSKISSKISS!_ Every fiber of my being screamed.

"If I told you I have a boyfriend who would absolutely _murder_ you if he found us in this position?" Mirajane finished with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and a wicked little grin.

I think my heart skipped a beat. My brain screeched to a halt to loudly question that in very rude terms. Then both my heart and my brain looked at each other, nodded in unison and declared the hell with said boyfriend and the hell with dying! This was too good to miss!

I raised my hands, one to wrap around Mirajane's waist, and one to her cheek as I smiled gently, "Well then, I guess I'd just have to say, in for one jewel, in for 'em all, and die a very happy man." I rose and very gently kissed her. She jerked back in surprise for a brief instant, not enough to break the kiss, and then she smiled into it and kissed me back. If the aforementioned murderously jealous boyfriend had killed me right then, I wouldn't have noticed because I was already in Heaven.

Then before my body and instincts could get carried away with me, Mirajane broke off the kiss and grinned at me, "Well, aren't you lucky I'm single?" She sat up smiling, "Once you get settled in, maybe we'll go on a date sometime. I can tell that was your first time. You did alright, but there's still a lot of room for improvement! You know what that means…" she declared with a twinkle in her eye.

"Practice, practice, practice…" I answered excitedly.

"Yep!" Mira replied as she rose to her feet and headed for the door. She paused and looked over her shoulder at me, "Sleep tight handsome, see you in the morning!"

She closed the door behind her and I couldn't help staring at the spot where she'd been for a moment and then I covered my eyes as a massive grin split my features, "BEST! DAY! _EVER!_"

I sat there for several minutes just utterly high on the wake of Mirajane's kiss. Unfortunately though, my brain is a racing thing and I burned through all the mind addling endorphins in minutes. Then my attention reverted to my first and oldest love, _BOOKS._ I strolled over to the table and opened the case holding the wind-reader glasses. "Now then," I grinned as I slipped them on with my eyes closed, "Shall we begin?"

I opened my eyes and immediately began scanning the names of the books all throughout the archive, "Whiiich one… whiiich one?"

…

…

The next morning, I guessed it was morning…I was still sitting in the archive in the middle of a giant pile of books. The wind reader glasses had amped my already absurd reading rate to astronomical levels. I had blasted through over fifty books on magic, fifty _textbooks_ on magic. Thanks to the wind reader glasses, my attention span didn't have enough time to waver, so I was able to blast through what would otherwise have been _weeks_ and _weeks_ of mind crushingly dull studying in no time flat.

I had sorted them by order of priority to learn through scanning the prologues and introductions to figure out what the magics did. I had read the introductions of I didn't even know how many books, but if it was in my pile, I had at least looked at it. The first one I had crunched into my head was called Archive, and it had made things _SO_ much easier.

I had once seen a movie about a guy who'd taken a pill that made him an incredible genius with full access to all of his memories ever and the ability to apply the knowledge within them. That's what Archive was like. Once I had it, everything was right there, dredged up from the depths of my mind and bubbling below the surface of my consciousness just waiting to be relevant.

After that I had quickly learned several other magics. Now I was not only a Light wizard, I had Archive and through it a degree of telepathy that I had yet to test. I had some simple transformation magic that I fully intended to master. I didn't have anything to Requip, but I knew the theory of _how_. I had learned the basics of telekinesis, and best of all, _Teleportation._

Something else I'd found that I wasn't sure about was a research paper/thesis by someone named Precht about the possible mechanics of something called Slayer magic. I vaguely recalled Natsu having mentioned being a Dragon Slayer, and Natsu was a beast, so I studied the paper intensely. I hadn't gained a lot from it, apparently old Precht hadn't had much to go on, but I had learned how to amp my usual magic intake even higher than when I was meditating on a moment's notice, and I also figured out how to convert light into ethernano, which was apparently the appropriate term for magic particles, and absorb them to give myself a boost. Precht had theorized it was the basis of Slayer wizards' ability to devour their elements, and as I made the room go dim and felt power surge through me, I was sure he was right.

That and my new Archive were probably the only reasons I hadn't already long since collapsed from information overload and mental exhaustion when Mirajane came in. I didn't even realize she was there until she tapped me on the shoulder and scared me half out of my skin. She gave me a gentle smile and asked if I had slept at all. I had thoroughly lost track of time, but regardless of what time it was, I blearily shook my head and she sighed. Then she raised a hand to my head and before I realized what was happening I was sound asleep.

…

=-(zzzzz…)-=

…

I didn't wake up until Mira shook me awake later on. She smiled at me from where she was perched on the edge of the couch, "Have a nice nap?" It took me a moment to remember where I was and then I smiled, "I did. Thanks, I get goofy when I stay awake for too long. So…you use sleep magic?"

Mira nodded, "I learned it in passing. It's not my best magic, but I'm passable at it." I sat up and sat forward, looking over at my shoulder, "So what's your best magic?"

Mira smiled, "Have you ever heard of Take Over magic?"

"Nope," I replied, "From the name I'd guess it lets you take over things?"

Mira nodded, "Take Over lets you exert control over the things your Take Over specializes in, and absorb their essence so that you can turn into them and take on their strength. I have a unique Take Over called Satan Soul."

I raised an eyebrow, "Sooo…you can take down and steal the powers of demons to fight with?"

Mira nodded with a slightly sad look in her eyes, "Yes, they used to call me Mirajane the She-Devil. I was actually one of the six strongest wizards in the guild. Second youngest to ever make S-Class, and I was only second because Erza beat me by a hair's breadth in the S-Class Trial the year before. I can still do little things like transforming into other people and sleep magic, but…" she trailed off and bit her lip slightly as she stared at the coffee table.

I was quiet for a moment at the sad tone, "You've lost a lot of your magic haven't you?"

Mirajane started slightly, "How did you…?"

"The way you're talking about it," I said, "It's the same way people talk about a place they miss. You've clearly still got some magic or you wouldn't have been able to zonk me like that, but from the way you're talking, you used to be an absolute titan of a mage right?" I frowned and sorted through the knowledge of magic I had gained the night before. _Magic's powered by emotions, so emotional turmoil can probably royally screw over a person's control of it…something really bad must have happened for her to have lost that much of her magic…_ I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a hug, "I don't know what happened, but for what it's worth," I kissed her gently on the top of the head, "I still think you're pretty damn amazing."

Mira stiffened in my arms and then pulled away to look me in the eye with a thoughtful frown, "Are you reading my mind?"

I blinked, "Eh…no? Least I don't think I was…I mean, I might have an aptitude for telepathic magic, but I've never been able to before. I used to get my friends going by using logic and my knowledge of them to figure out what they were thinking or going to do next, but I don't think I've ever actually read minds. I certainly didn't do it consciously and if I did at all I apologize for the intrusion. You just seemed really sad about it, so I figured something bad must've happened and you looked like you needed a hug so I gave you one."

Mira raised an eyebrow and then smiled and leaned back into me, "Well maybe I need a good cuddle too." I pulled her a little closer and smiled, "I like cuddles."

I don't know how many hours I spent on that couch in the Archives, but between the reading, the sleeping all day and falling back asleep with Mira in my arms, it was probably upwards of forty.

Later that night, probably at some obscene hour of the morning before the sun rose, I woke up with Mirajane in my arms and became acutely aware that I was starting to smell rather funky. I didn't want Mirajane to wake up and smell me smelling funky, so I closed my eyes and did my first inventive transformation magic. I wasn't completely sure if it could help, but I tried to apply a bit of my scientific knowledge to the magic. I knew that body odor was caused by compounds in sweat and bacteria breaking them down into gases, so I willed all the sweat and odorous compounds on my body and in my clothes to turn into molecules of apple scent. I glowed for a brief moment and then was promptly slapped in the face with the crisp smell of apples.

It was a stark enough change that Mirajane woke up immediately and looked around. That or she felt the magic go off right next to her. Either way… "Do you smell apples?" Mira asked curiously as she sat up and looked around. Then she started sniffing and looked over at me, "Did you do that?"

I smiled and went to open my mouth before I realized how bad my breath probably was and immediately clamped it closed, put my hands over it and willed the same transformation onto all the stink in my mouth. It took me all day to get the taste out of my mouth, but it worked. I smiled at Mira, "Yeah, I woke up and realized I probably smelled pretty ripe since I haven't been off this couch in…hell how long _have_ I been here? Anyway, I didn't want you to get blasted with my morning breath, so I used some of the transformation magic I learned last night to turn my breath and B.O. into apple smell."

Mirajane blinked, "And that worked? I've never even heard of somebody being able to do that…the closest thing I've ever heard of is deodorant lacrima that absorb bad smells and spray out good ones in their place until they run out of the scent stored in them…"

I thought about it, "Mmm…well I might know why that is. If people are thinking about it in terms of altering a smell without knowing why a smell smells the way it does, then it probably wouldn't work. I targeted the molecules that the human nose registers as a smell and changed them. Since they're so tiny it was really easy."

Mira tilted her head in confusion, "Molecules?"

I blinked, "You don't know about molecu-magic world. Sorry, I forgot, magic probably drastically reduced the need for scientific exploration in this world. Okay, you know how ethernano is teeny little particles even smaller than specks of dust that power magic?"

Mira nodded, "Yeah, everyone knows that." I nodded, "Okay, now what if I told you that everything else in the world except for light, fire, electricity and their cousins on the electromagnetic spectrum is made of particles like that and everything in the world can be broken down into less than a hundred and twenty or so basic types which can be broken down further into three types of particles that are even smaller than that?"

Mira thought about it, "That would be a little difficult to believe, but I've heard stranger things…can you tell me more?"

I nodded with a smile, "All you want! I learned this stuff when I was a kid and had it compiled upon all throughout my education. I may not remember everything, but I can at least give you a pretty good idea of how it all-" _GRO-OH-AH-OH_

My stomach growled at me loud enough that Mirajane and I both looked at it in surprise. It was then that I realized that I was really freaking hungry. "Can I tell you about it over dinner or breakfast or some sort of food though?" I asked with a small embarrassed smile, "I think my stomach's about ready to have very unpleasant words with me."

Mirajane smiled, "Alright, but first, let me try that smell change spell of yours."

I nodded, "Ok, you just gotta tell your magic to target the particles of sweat and the bacteria affecting them and then change them to a smell you like. Mine didn't require anything more than that, but I don't know how most people interact with their…" Mira closed her eyes and I felt a little pulse of what I later learned was magic right before the smell of roses washed over me and began to mingle with my apple scent, "…oh. Well, I'm glad it worked," I finished with a smile.

Mira cracked an eye to smile at me, "Got anymore little tricks like this one?"

I grinned and let some light magic play around in my hand, "Let's head upstairs and I'll see what I can do."

We headed back upstairs and the instant I opened the Archive door I could hear the noise, "Wow, they sure are loud aren't they?" Mira frowned at me, "I don't hear anything."

I raised an eyebrow at her and then shrugged it off with a smile, "Eh. Maybe the magic's sharpened my hearing." We proceeded across the basement and up into the Guild Hall proper. Then it became very clear to me why Mira couldn't hear anything. _The Guild Hall was almost completely empty._

The only people left were Master Makarov and Cana, both passed out at the bar. I could still hear so much noise though. Now that I was up there and could look around, I could tell a lot of it was coming from outside, but there was still a buzz emanating from Cana and the faint distant sounds of a party from Master Makarov. I stared, "What the…"

Then I heard Mira ask, "You _are_ a telepathic mage aren't you?" I turned and saw that Mira had one finger over her lips and was looking at me discerningly. Then she spoke again without moving her lips and I realized that she was thinking it, not saying it. _You're hearing their minds right now. I'm guessing it's something you picked up down in the Archives?_

I nodded and tried to reply, _Ah…yeah, it's actually even called Archive magic…can you hear me?_

_Loud and clear,_ Mira replied telepathically, _So what's Archive magic like?_

_All the knowledge that's ever been in my head is right there at the surface now,_ I told her, _I can remember everything I've ever learned and it's like having all the pieces of all the puzzles laid out in front of me. Everything I've ever known is right there for me to reach out and grab, it's almost like I've never forgotten anything because everything I had forgotten got dredged back up like a book from the back of a library. I read that it would give me some telepathic capabilities, but I had no idea it would be like this…I thought it would be like plugging in a computer when I wanted to and moving files…this is…vaguely unsettling actually. Oh and eh, Mira, while we're linked like this erm…_

It accidentally flooded up to the surface, all the old disappointments of getting interested and honestly excited in the girls my family set me up with, only to quickly find out that they were simply incompatible beyond a mere superficial attraction. It had happened so often that I had become quite sour on the idea of ever finding someone to love. It wasn't something I liked to think about, but Mirajane was…wow. I'd never met _anyone _who pushed so many of my buttons so effortlessly and all at once. I knew I'd fall in love with her if she gave me even half a chance.

Mirajane flinched away and then smiled sympathetically as she quickly understood what I meant. She laid a hand on my cheek, _You're cute and sweet and honest, I'd love to play around with you, but I'm not looking for anything serious. Is that alright?_ I nodded, appreciation for her forthright honesty warming my mind. Mira laughed slightly, _You just grew to like me that much more didn't you?_

I nodded and Mira laughed and kissed me gently, _Don't get carried away Jerry, it's just casual fun for you and me._ The memory of what my magic had done to Lucy sprang to mind and no matter how much I tried to quell it, not wanting Mira to see it and think I was some sort of super perv (even if I was), it _would not go away._

"Ooh…" Mira purred aloud as she gave me a smoldering look, "That looks fun." It was then that I realized Mira was actively _holding_ the memory at the surface so she could get a good look at it. Then a lot of information about what parts of her were sensitive shot across the link and I definitely felt the blush rise to my face as she leaned close and whispered, "There's something for you to think about next time you're alone."

Then she stepped on past me and went to start cleaning up. I stared after her for a moment utterly stunned and then a grin split my features and I hurried to help her.

**AN: **_(Clears throat) Ok, so I know this chapter was probably a bit of a turn off for some people. It's fluffy, lacking action, and involves the main character getting involved with Mirajane, who is amazing and everyone wants. I understand how this could be worrying to some readers, but rest assured, this is not some ultra fluffy, harem or self-insert solely to get with a certain character crush fic. Rest assured, there is in fact an **extremely **good reason why Jerry and Mirajane are somewhat romantically involved now. I'm trying to keep the relationships in this one as realistic as I can, and it makes very good sense to me that Jerry, who has just been chucked into an alternate world, would naturally latch onto the first people he makes friends with. If you've ever been overseas with a group, then you are probably familiar with how much more quickly you can make friends with somebody from your own country simply because they seem more familiar. That's kinda what's happening here with Jerry getting so quickly attached to Fairy Tail. Also, there's just something about Fairy Tail that really draws you in which nobody can really resist for long. It's just one of those places. There is also a reason why Mira is not looking for anything serious, and before anyone thinks it, NO, it is not simply for the sake of multiple love interests. There's a VERY real reason, and it will be explored as the story goes on. This isn't a romance fic, but I'm not going to pretend there's nothing going on in that department._

_This is also not a slice-of-life fic, but I am going to take opportunities to explore and world build, so for those of you who enjoyed this chapter, take heart, more are coming. _

_For those who want more action and bad assery, don't fret, there's lots more of that coming too!_

_More funny? Hell yeah, we got more of that on the way!_

_See you all next week! _

_'Til then, Ghost out! :D_


	6. Ch6: Magnolia

**AN:** **Okeydokey! As always, reviewer replies and thank you so much to everyone who comments! :D**

**_An Old Crow: _**_Again, thank you so much for your kind words, and worry not. I can guarantee this weekly schedule and continued quality through at least the end of this year. :D_

**_Reptil:_**_ Quite glad you enjoyed it, romance is hard for me to write because I have very little experience with it myself, so I'm always glad when it turns out right. As for how Jerry's learning all the magic so fast, you remember he mentioned learning Archive first? Archive lets him remember __**everything **__so once he learned that, everything else was like downloading a new program into a computer. Thus, he is able to learn things at insanely accelerated speeds, especially when coupled with Wind Reader Glasses which let him read entire textbooks on the magic he's trying to learn in a matter of minutes. He can't use it all perfectly yet, there's a lot of practicing to be done, but he knows the theory and how to do it, now he just needs practice doing it to get to where he can do it really really well. It's not "pick up a book on fire magic and now you're Natsu", it takes time, practice and effort. The telepathy is just a natural result of unlocking Archive and he hasn't got anything like full control of it yet. Also even though it's only semi-canon at best, in that one episode of the anime where Erza and Gajeel dress up as superheroes, Mirajane was able to teach Natsu and Happy transformation magic in less than a day, so it may be a case of "anyone can do it, but not many take the time to learn how, and even fewer learn to do it well". Jerry is taking the time, he's just very smart to begin with and now he's learned Archive which basically turned his brain into a supercomputer. You know Hibiki from Blue Pegasus? He's got Archive Magic too._

Chapter 6 - Magnolia

The next morning, I stepped out of the Guild Hall for the first time in a few days and the morning sun stabbed me in the eyes like a knife made of solid pickle juice to the brain. I immediately squawked in pain, turned back around and covered my eyes with both hands, "_BRIGHT."_

"Wow," Cana drawled with a grin as she walked past me and out the door, "You must be a really shitty light wizard to not even be able to handle a little morning su-_OUCH!_" She too spun and covered her eyes, but she only used one hand as she already had a bottle of something alcoholic in her left hand, "I take it back. The morning is evil."

Makarov chuckled as he strolled past us with dark glasses over his eyes, "Silly brats. That's what sunglasses are for."

If our faces weren't already in our hands, we would've face palmed. Cana fished a pair of sunglasses out of her bag and I put a dimmer spell over my eyes. It only brushed off about twenty percent of the light, but that was more than enough to make it highly tolerable. We turned to the bright sunlight and sighed in relief. "Much better," I declared. Then I remembered that I still had no idea of my way around Magnolia, "Hey Cana?"

Cana looked over her shoulder at me, "Hmm?"

"Where's the nearest clothing store?" I asked with a slightly embarrassed smile, "My coat and hat got torched on that job the other day, and I haven't got anything else to wear so I need to do some shopping. Gotta find a place to stay too."

Cana raised an eyebrow and then pointed down the street, "Go about four blocks down this street and hang a right. Should be on your left. If you get to the canal you went way too far but there's another one on the left before you get to the cathedral."

I smiled, "Thanks Cana!" I jumped and teleported. It was slightly disorienting and I knew as I landed (nearly fell flat on my face) four blocks away that I'd need to practice with my teleportation before I could really make any good use of it. I headed down the street that I was guessing Cana had meant and soon enough found the clothing store she had pointed me to.

I went in and quickly found the men's section. I started poking around and quickly found that plain old blue jeans were in very short supply. I pouted slightly when I realized that and then started checking out all the other kinds of pants. It didn't take me long to find some black and gray camouflage pants made out of a material that I deemed to be close to the durability of denim. They were almost like sleep pants but sturdier. They fit well and didn't look too odd at all, so I bought a few pairs.

Thankfully socks were easy to find, as were underwear, and shirts in seven different colors (one for every day of the week). Then I went to find a good jacket and immediately discarded the idea in favor of a badass dark gray cape with a high collar. I had seen capes back fire on the people wearing them many _many_ times in cartoons, but dammit if they weren't still cool as hell and good for keeping the rain off. Then I became even more delighted with my find when I realized there was a hood that bunched up inside the collar, which made it even better and cemented its place on my list of things I was definitely buying.

I paid for my new clothes and closed my eyes before activating my magic and stuffing them into my Requip space. Even if I couldn't change clothes with it (and I fully intended to learn how), it was still a very useful technique to have an extradimensional storage space. All except for the cape, _that_ I put on right away. I bounced across to the nearest mirror -yes I _bounced_. I was excited to check out my new cape and excited at being in a world where I could get away with actually _wearing a cape_\- and got a rather disorienting surprise.

I blinked as I looked in the mirror and then I turned to the shop's apparently only employee, "Excuse me, miss?" She looked at me out the corner of her eye, "Yes?"

"Is my hair dark brown?"

"No it isn't sir, is it normally that color?"

I reached up and felt a strand of it, my hair wasn't normally this shaggy either, but I supposed it might have happened when I got transported between worlds. I pushed it back and grinned, "Yeah. I kinda like it like this though. It doesn't look too bad does it?"

The cashier looked from me to the magazine she was reading, back to me, back at the magazine. Then her eyes got very wide, "Ahhh…no it actually looks really good on you. Um, just one question though…" She picked up the magazine and turned it around to show me the picture, "Is this you?"

I let my hair fall back down into its usual disarray as I walked over and looked at the picture. I looked back at the mirror with a frown before looking back at the picture, "That's downright uncanny. No I don't think I've ever been in a magazine before. Out of curiosity though, what magazine is it?"

"Oh it's just this week's Sorcerer Weekly," She replied as she closed the magazine to show me the cover. "Ah," I replied with a smile, "Do you know where I could perhaps buy a copy? Sorry I just arrived in town the other day and I'm not really familiar with local goings on. I was thinking maybe a local magazine could help me get my bearings."

After the cashier gave me directions to the nearest newspaper stand I thanked her and headed off to find it and get ahold of a copy of Sorcerer Weekly.

A few minutes after I left the store, I was stopped by a familiar voice, "Hey Jerry! Is that you?" I paused and turned, "Oh hey Lucy! What's up?"

Lucy ran to catch up to me, "I was hunting around for a place to stay. Where've you been? I haven't seen you at all the last few days."

I smiled, "Well I went on my first job as a wizard and…" I paused as a little lightbulb went off over my head and I remembered what was in my pocket, "sorry I completely forgot. You said the gold Zodiac Keys are super rare right?"

I immediately had Lucy's full and undivided attention, "Yeah, why?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out Virgo and Leo's keys with a grin, "Well I'm sorry, but you're not getting these two."

Lucy's wail of surprise and dismay made several people stop and stare, "YOU FOUND TWO OF THE _ZODIAC_ KEYS ON _ONE JOB?!_"

"Well to be more accurate, I beat the stuffing out of the jerk who discarded Virgo's key and then me and Levy wound up saving Leo's life so I got his as a reward," I explained. Then I frowned at it, "Although, I've only made my contract with Virgo…I still need to summon Leo, but…"

I leaned over a little closer to her and gave her my best soul searching gaze. Lucy looked slightly intimidated and then I raised the key to my lips the same way I had to call Virgo, "Ay Leo, if you've recovered, pop on down here. I got an idea you might like."

A burst of golden light later and Leo was standing next to me, now with cat ears poking up out of his ginger hair and a suit rather than the baggy green parka he'd been wearing before. He smiled and waved, "Yeah I'm feeling a lot better no- _who's that?!" _He exclaimed with hearts in his eyes as he noticed Lucy.

I pointed a thumb at her, "Leo the Lion, meet Lucy Heartfilia. She's the one who told me about Celestial Wizardry and she has three of the Zodiac Keys."

Leo's interest immediately doubled, "Really?! Which ones?!"

Lucy blushed slightly at the attention and then pulled out her key ring to show him, "I've got Cancer, Aquarius and Taurus."

Leo made a face, "Oh you poor girl." Lucy looked mildly spooked, "What? Why?!" Leo shuddered, "Aquarius." Lucy looked like she was about to agree with him and then the annoyed switch went off in her head, "Hey! No insulting my spirits! Aquarius has been with me since I was a little girl!"

Leo frowned slightly and then his eyes went wide behind his glasses, "OH! You're Miss Layla's girl? I'm sorry, I should have realized it sooner. You look just like her."

Lucy's eyes went wide, "You knew my mother?"

Leo nodded, "Only briefly. She actually managed to round up all but one of us once. Ironically Aquarius was the only one she _couldn't_ get her hands on in time, and that was because the wizard she'd entrusted Aquarius to had moved all the way to Alvarez."

Lucy was pale with shock, "My mom…had…all twelve…of the Zodiac Keys?"

Leo nodded, "She was super nice." His expression turned that odd mix of sad, embarrassed and something else I couldn't put my finger on that for some reason still looked funny as hell on him, "I wish she had kept my key…she was _sooo_ much better than Karin…" He smacked a fist into his hand, "And then I'd be contracted to you instead of Jerry! _Crap _why did I let her return my key to circulation?!"

I blinked, "Oh, the contract's already in effect?" Leo nodded and gave me a thumbs up, "Yep, I'm free any time the sun's shining, but for me, every night is date night, so don't summon me at night unless there's cute girls involved." He gestured to Lucy, "Example, this is a truly beautiful girl." He gestured to a rather comically unpleasant looking lady waddling down the street and added, "That's not."

I burst out laughing as Lucy blushed, "I fully agree!" Lucy's blush intensified and then I finished laughing, "Actually Leo, that's part of the reason I called you down here. I wasn't aware the contract was already in effect, but that only changes the question a little."

Leo blinked at me in confusion and then he went pale, "Wait, were you about to offer me to Lucy?!"

I shrugged, "As you said, she's beautiful. If someone offered to hand _me_ over to a girl like her, I'd be jumping up and down for the opportunity, but as the contract is already in place, I won't break it. Bad precedent and it would probably look bad on both of us."

Leo looked mildly stunned and a little mortified as I continued, "However, since we both agree that Lucy is _very _beautiful, and I'll add sweet, intelligent and fun to be around as well, do you think I should form a team with her?"

"_ABSOLUTELY!"_ Leo exclaimed, "I can't believe you even had to ask!"

I swished Virgo's key through the air and called Virgo. She popped out the ground with a smile, "I was listening Master. I think it would be a wonderful idea. If Lucy is anything like Miss Layla then she's a wonderful girl, and Aquarius, Cancer and Taurus all speak quite highly of her, or at least," she grinned, "As highly as Aquarius ever speaks of anyone."

I nodded, "Good enough for me!" I turned to Lucy with a smile and a thumbs up, "What do you say Lucy? Team up on jobs?"

"Um, yeah, sure…" she agreed in a way that made it clear she was a little too flustered to have really thought about it much. Then she remembered, "Oh, but do you mind if Natsu's on the team too? Natsu said something about wanting me on his team the other day and then EEP!"

Speak of the devil. Natsu landed face first on the pavement and skidded a few feet before slumping to the ground momentarily and then leaping back to his feet like nothing happened as he roared, "GRAY I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" Then he spotted us, "Oh hey Lucy! Jerry! What's up Loke? Sorry, Gray just fired me out of a catapult."

I looked at Lucy, "Yeah I think I could handle having a tank like him on the team, always good to have at least one really big gun. Whatcha say Natsu, wanna team up with us?"

"I dunno," Leo mused, "Natsu's kind of an idiot." "YOU WANNA FIGHT?!" Natsu exclaimed. "Answer the question first," I interceded as I stepped between the two, "Natsu, do you want to team up with me and Lucy on our next job?"

"Sure why not?" Natsu asked, "I was gonna track you both down to team up soon anyway. There's this job that we need a cute blonde for to go in disguise as a maid to steal a book and I thought Lucy would be really good for that."

I grinned, "Ah, hate to break it to ya Natsu, I just finished that job with Team Shadowgear the other day."

"That's how he met me," Virgo added with a smile and wave, "Nice to meet you Natsu-san. I'm Virgo."

"Nice to meetcha Birdo," Natsu declared with a grin, "You wanna be on the team too?"

Leo face palmed as he realized, "Oh right, you've been out of the loop. Natsu I'm actually a Celestial Spirit. I've been pretending to be a human the whole time I've been in Fairy Tail."

Natsu blinked, "Okay. So?"

Leo blinked in what I guess was confusion or maybe disbelief at how dense Natsu was, so I explained, "Natsu, that means Leo, or Loke, whatever you want to call him, is only here when I call him. The rest of the time he gets to go home to the Celestial Realm, just like Virgo and all of Lucy's spirits."

"You remember Taurus right?" Lucy asked, "Leo and Virgo are like him."

"You mean the bull guy?" Natsu asked, "he was kinda cool…" Then it visibly clicked with him what we were telling him and he pointed a finger at Leo, "AHA! So that's why you always smelled funny!" Leo confirmed that it was and Natsu quickly agreed to form a team with us.

He also wanted to go find a job immediately, but we stalled him with the need to find a place to stay first.

Natsu offered to let us stay at his place in the interest of getting us to hurry and go take a job with him, but Leo immediately intervened and firmly, "Nope! I've seen your house Natsu, it's barely fit for a _racoon_ to live in. I'm not sure how _you_ live in it, but I'm sure as hell not letting a pretty girl like Lucy stay there." I grimaced as Natsu squawked with indignation and began to argue with Leo, _sounds like Natsu's about as good at housekeeping as I am._

I once again intervened, "We appreciate the offer Natsu, but it's always good to have one's own place to stay. You wouldn't want Gray staying in the same house as you would you?"

Natsu looked mortified at the idea and conceded that maybe it wasn't the best idea for _me_ to stay at his house, but he still wouldn't mind letting Lucy stay. Leo then added that having Lucy in his house could be like having _Erza_ in his house and Natsu immediately went ghostly pale and declared that a less than stellar idea as well.

Lucy and I were both mildly intimidated by Natsu's reaction and Lucy asked, "Just what kind of monster is she?" "She's awful!" Natsu exclaimed, "A monster!"

Leo gulped slightly, "She is definitely terrifying. I mean don't get me wrong, she's _gorgeous_, but she's also about the scariest woman I've ever met." "The only girl in Fairy Tail who could ever hold a candle to her was Mira, and Mira hasn't been in that good a shape in years…" Natsu muttered.

"Wasn't Mira one of the guild's top six?" I asked, more interested than wary. "Erza's in the top _four_," Natsu informed me nervously.

"With the exception of Mirajane and Master, she could probably stomp everybody who's regularly at the guild at once," Leo clarified, "And since Mirajane lost her will to fight, I'm not sure she could fight Erza anymore."

I raised an eyebrow, "Impressive. What's she look like?" "Like I said," Leo declared, "_Gorgeous,_ as beautiful as Lucy, but in a more, _dangerous_ sense. Lucy's got that sweet friendly look about her. Erza's pretty like a dragoness. You _know_ you wanna ride, but you _know_ the attempt could get you fried."

Then a voice that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end purred from behind us as armor clad hands clasped our shoulders, "Aww…I think that's the most sincere compliment I've ever heard out of you Loke…Am I really that pretty?"

Leo and Natsu were both instantly _ghostly_ pale as Leo turned shakily to the beautiful redhead who had popped up between me and him. "Y-y-yes ma'am…" he squeaked in abject terror.

Suddenly the red hair turned to white curls and Mirajane winked at us with a crooked little grin, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that about me not being able to fight Erza anymore. I may be rusty, but I think I could still put my game face on and give her a run for her money if I had to."

I think that honestly scared them _more_ than the possibility of Erza sneaking up on them. "I'm…gonna go home now…" Leo squeaked.

Leo disappeared in a burst of golden light and when it faded Natsu had skedaddled as well. Mirajane giggled, "It's so much fun to tease them." Then she turned and looked me over appraisingly before reaching out to run a hand over my chest through the fabric of my cape in a way that made my heart do an interesting little dance. "Nice cape," she purred.

I think I probably blushed about the color of Natsu's hair and then Lucy exclaimed, "Holy crap are you two dating already?!"

Mira laughed, "Oh no, nothing like that! We're just friends…" I felt disappointment start to rear in my head and then with a saucy wink she added, "with benefits." The disappointment turned to glowing smugness. Lucy squawked in surprise and Virgo looked on with extreme interest.

Then Mira sidled over to a stunned looking Lucy and I could just barely hear her whisper, "So did that magic of his feel as good as it looked like it did? I read his mind, it looked like a lot of fun!" Lucy nearly fainted from embarrassment and Mira easily caught her with a grin, "Whoops! Guess that's a little too bold for Lucy!"

Mira wound up helping us house hunt and we eventually found that nice two story building I'd seen on the way to Fairy Tail down by the canal. The diminutive and stumpy old lady who owned it showed us in to the lower apartment and began to show us around.

There were four apartments, the two floors split into two apartments each, and all four apartments were one bed and one bathroom, plus a kitchen. The building was pinkish red brick on the outside and old fashioned plaster with wooden timbers inside. The rooms were spacious with tile floors that would be easy to clean. There was full plumbing and utilities, the place was clean and in good shape all around as far as my careful inspection could tell. "Sooo…how much for the place?" I asked after deciding I liked it fairly well.

"Seventy thousand jewel a month," she replied calmly, "And I don't like shenanigans. I know what kind of madness you Fairy Tail wizards get up to, and I won't have it in my building. If you can keep it some semblance of sane I'll rent to you."

I mused on that for a minute and then, "There are four apartments here and you make seventy thousand a month off each of them, correct?" "When they're occupied yes," she replied, "I have other properties around town and in a few other nearby towns, but just having one of these four paid for is enough to easily cover the taxes on this place and I still turn a profit."

I nodded and did a little quick math in my head, "So over the course of the next ten years you'd make thirty three million six hundred thousand jewels if every apartment was full and paid for on time the whole time. Right?" She checked my math in her own head and nodded, "That's right."

"Would you be willing to sell the whole building for thirty five million cash?" I asked calmly.

The old lady's jaw dropped and then she pulled a piece of paper from her purse and slapped it on the table, "Put your money where your mouth is and it's yours."

I smiled as Lucy and Mira gaped at me, "I'm glad we could work something out." I fished out my wallet and started counting out thirty five million jewels from what was left of the over fifty million I had found in my pocket in Hargeon. When it was done, I figured I was probably down to about fifteen million or so, but given that I'd just bought an entire apartment building and still had almost half what I'd paid for it left over, I figured I was still doing pretty damn good.

When I was done, I slid the money across the table to her and she quickly recounted it at what Lucy had termed Ebeneezer Scrooge speeds before nodding and sliding the deed across to me with a smile, "Nice doing business with you, have a nice day."

I held the paper up to Mira, "Mira, this looks legit right?" When the old woman started to splutter I used the opportunity to glimpse into her mind and see that it was indeed the real deed and she was a woman of her word. I smiled at her, "I apologize ma'am, I have only just arrived in this country recently and I'm not familiar with local paperwork yet. I have to have my friends here help me with everything lest I make a foolish mistake. I sincerely apologize if I have given any offense," I finished with a small bow. Then I rose to shake her hand, "I wish you the best of luck with your other properties and thank you so much for selling me this one. I will treat it as my home."

The old lady blinked and then smiled and rose to shake my hand, "It's been nice doing business with you. If you decide you want to buy any more of my properties like this, I'll be delighted to sell to you."

I nodded with a smile as she headed for the door, snapping her fingers and making her table and chairs shrink and fly back into her purse, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you ma'am." "You too!" she declared as she cheerfully headed on out the door, taking her "vacancy" sign with her.

I closed the door behind her and found Mirajane suddenly very close to me, "Sooo…how much money exactly have you got in there?" she asked with a very sweet smile that rather than making me faint made certain parts of my body come _wide_ awake.

"That was a little over two thirds of what I had," I replied, "Consolation prize for getting yanked here from my home world by forces unknown."

Mira pouted slightly, and I couldn't tell if she was joking or not when she declared that to be a shame as we would've been getting married in less than a year if that had been just pocket change for me. I laughed and assured her that it was quite a hefty chunk of change for me too, "But," I added, "that doesn't mean I don't intend to have that kind of money to throw at what I need to as life goes on."

Mira smirked at me, "I hope you don't plan to make that kind of money on wizard jobs, even if you took a job every week for a year, it still probably wouldn't add up to even a tenth of what you just spent on this place unless they were all S-Class jobs. Our entire request board right now put together probably doesn't add up to a tenth of what you just spent."

I grinned, "Ahhh but you see that's where coming from a different world comes into play. You remember how many hundreds and hundreds of books I told you I've read? How many of those books do you think have been written and published in _this_ world?"

Mira blinked and then her eyes went wide, "Wait, so you're telling me…"

I smiled, "And I remember most all of them _very_ well. Thanks to my Archive magic, I can probably get them all word for word. On top of that, there's no telling how many magic spells and inventions I'll be able to come up with and monetize using knowledge of my world's science."

Mira thought about it for a second and then a grin slid across her face, "Make good on that big talk and I might just have to rethink my stance on that not looking for anything serious thing I said the other day." I grinned and pulled her a little closer for a kiss, "Yes _ma'am!"_

"Um, should I leave?" Lucy asked with embarrassment creeping into her voice. I broke off kissing Mira to look at her with an owlish blink, "Why? Aren't you going to go upstairs and pick an apartment?"

Lucy blinked in surprise, "Huh? But, you just bought this place and…" "And I'm not charging my teammate for a place to stay," I replied, "You helped me find this place, so as far as I'm concerned one of these ought to be yours."

"B-but I can't just stay here and not pay or anything!" Lucy spluttered.

I blinked and then started thinking, "Well…if you insist…" I thought for a moment and then smiled, "Alright, your rent shall be twenty five thousand jewel a month, due on the second of every month or the earliest available date if you're out of town on a job. How's that sound?"

Lucy bit her lip, as I learned later that was a _hell_ of a good deal. She thought about it for a minute and then asked, "What's the catch?"

I blinked in legitimate confusion, "Catch?" "That is _insanely_ cheap," Mira explained, "You could barely get a filthy hovel in a bad part of town for that kind of money."

I thought for a moment and double checked the math in my head. Then I shrugged, "What can I say? Cost of living was pretty cheap back home. You got what you paid for, but my apartment back home was only the equivalent of forty five thousand jewels a month, and it was in a _fantastic_ location as well as a very nice place. I'd charge more, but if money's that hard to come by on wizard jobs, then I don't want to charge too much and be constantly getting disappointed and frustrated if Lucy can't pay. Besides, friends and family discount."

"But...but…but…" Clearly Lucy was still having severe misgivings about accepting such a cheap rate. I looked at her flatly, "I can make it as uncomfortable as you wish by suggesting alternative means to cover that other twenty thousand jewels worth if you want. Keep protesting about how nice I'm being and I'll get creative."

Lucy flushed crimson and immediately decided that she wasn't going to win this one, "Right! I'm just gonna…go upstairs and start deciding where I want my furniture! Yeah! That's what I'll do!" She turned and bolted up the stairs.

Mirajane looked at me slyly, "So now I'm curious, what _would_ you have suggested if she kept refusing?"

"That she could have the seventy thousand a month rate and pay me whatever she couldn't get in jewels with kisses, one kiss for every thousand jewel and if she went three full months of no pay she could shag it off," I replied nonchalantly before realizing that had left my mouth completely unfiltered and blushing utterly crimson. "I wouldn't have meant it of course," I added quickly, "I'd never even try to enforce a deal like that. A homecooked meal or some help cleaning up or doing the laundry would've been totally viable alternatives. The kissing thing would be only if she really wanted to and you didn't object." Then I had to be honest and admitted with a blush, "I _would_ tease her about it though, and I wouldn't refuse if she wanted to unless you objected."

Mira regarded me coolly for a moment and then tapped a finger on my chest with a naughty little grin, "_You_ are a _very_ bad boy. Keep that up and I'll have to spank you some time."

I blushed crimson again and rather than something intelligent, my brilliant response which proved that my body's instincts had _completely _overruled my brain, was to ask if I'd get to spank her back. She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Only if I get to be a _very_ bad girl…"

And out I went like a light! _Damn this fainting quirk!_

...

_Next week: Moving in, an eating contest, and Jerry, Natsu and Lucy's first mission as a team!_


	7. Ch7: Settling In

**AN:** _As always, reviewer replies before we get started! :D_

_**An Old Crow:**__Once again, so glad that you're still enjoying and thank you so much for your kind praise. Were you able to beat back the vermintide? I certainly hope it was fun. :) Yes having Natsu mispronounce Virgo's name was intentional as it was one of his quirks that I found somewhat amusing early on in the series that he mispronounced new names. So Virgo = Birdo. Reliability is something I'm trying very hard to make a consistent trait of this story, and if I'm successful with my new method then I'll likely be applying it to several of my other stories which have unfortunately been ah...erm...well there's no easy way to say it, they've gone dormant. I've got like a dozen Naruto fics which each have great things planned for them, but I can't write once my inspiration withers, and that's put a stopper on all but one of them, and even that one's suffering a bit right now. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to write a good __One Piece __story... Thankfully though, this one will most likely not be suffering that problem. I can't say much about next year, but through the end of this year I'm quite certain I'll be able to keep to my weekly update schedule. :D_

**_Reptil:_**_I have not yet decided on future tenants, barring one whose identity I expect to be quite a significant surprise that I'm very much looking forward to springing. If anyone has any suggestions for other tenants, I'd be happy to hear them. Feedback is like a mana potion for a writer, the more I get, the more magic I can make happen. :D_

**_me _**_(anonymous reader)__**: **__I'm glad you're enjoying and planning to continue. I wouldn't call it a "harem" per se, although it could likely be construed that way. Jerry will have quite a lot of love interests but that's just because there are so many lovable ladies in Fairy Tail, and you better believe I'm gonna be juggling Ship Teases for every single one of them, __just because I can!__ Mwahahaha! (clears throat) In all seriousness, once Jerry actually gets into a solid pairing, he'll hold on to her like she's his lifeline, and the only way he'll ever let go is if tragedy strikes and something happens to her *coughDEADcough* and that would utterly __**destroy**__ him, so it would be a while before he could even consider falling in love again. As for my updating schedule, yes, I update every Friday unless there's a holiday on Thursday, in which case I will do a holiday special that Thursday._

**_GrayWolfDen:_**_You need morrree? THEN MORE YOU SHALL HAVE! ON WITH THE SHOW! :D_

**Chapter 7 – Settling In**

After I woke up to Mira and Lucy giggling, the three of us went out furniture shopping. Thankfully Mira knew a shop and quickly led us there. The shop keeper greeted us warmly and quickly began to show us around.

Lucy gravitated towards the mahogany furniture, and immediately backed away like it was a poisonous snake when she noticed the price tag. I went straight to the cherry. Cherry reminded me of home, everything in my family's home had been a nice dark reddish cherry. It was also I noticed after a quick glance around, the cheapest wood there aside from pine. The owner explained that about half the forest around Magnolia was cherry trees, and the other majority was pine. Since they were easy to come by, they were much cheaper than the mahogany which had to be shipped from the other side of the kingdom and was extremely hard to get on top of that. Lucy immediately moved over to the pine furniture and started looking through it, much more pleased with the price tags there, although she still balked a little over the price of a three piece bedroom combo.

She bought it anyway though, a dresser, bed (mattress included thankfully) and writing desk. She also bought a table and chairs and called it good since her apartment had come with a stove and refrigerator. I had been a little surprised to learn that they had refrigerators there until Mira explained that they ran on temperature regulating lacrima, the same way a lot of stoves and heaters did actually.

I bought a chest of drawers, a bookshelf, and a bed (again, mattress included), as well as a small table for the kitchen that I'd probably never sit at, two chairs, a couch, coffee table and a little stand for in case I found or figured out how to make a TV (I very much intended to try). After explaining the concept of a TV to Mira and Lucy they realized I was talking about a lacrima-vision (what a convenient name too), which was sold right down the street or could be simply made if I could lay hands on a decently sized lacrima. I shouldn't have been surprised, the existence of magic ovens and refrigerators should've been a giveaway, but…(shrug) who knew?

So after moseying down to the lacrima store and getting myself a decent little lacrima-vision, Mira headed back to the Guild Hall to make sure everything had gone smoothly while she was out, and Lucy and I toted our furniture home using my cards to form a little train of floating wagons behind us. It was a little heavy, but I had carried much heavier things. It didn't take long to get everything moved in and set up. We slid over to the market and went home with a lot of towels and sheets.

By the time we made it back to our shared building, the sun was on its way down and we were both quite tuckered out. It wasn't until our stomachs growled at us that we realized neither of us had eaten all day and we hadn't bothered to purchase any food. I looked at Lucy, "I haven't eaten since last night. Have you?"

Lucy made a face as I fished for my key, "I ate a little breakfast, but I haven't had anything since…" Then she looked at the armful of sheets and towels in her hands and sighed, "I really need to take a job soon, this totally wiped me out…"

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, quickly switching keys and opening the door into my apartment, "Well go on and set your stuff down. I've still got more than a plenty to buy us some dinner."

"What?" Lucy asked in confusion, "But…aren't you and Mira…?"

"Friends?" I replied, "Yes we are. As are you. Friends don't let each other go hungry."

Lucy looked a little guilty about accepting and then her stomach almost _roared_ at her. I smiled gently as she blushed in embarrassment, "Lucy, it's fine. I'm a young bachelor with a fair deal of money. It is perfectly natural and fine for me to spend that on a beautiful young woman. In fact, it's something I don't do often enough, so please, let me buy you dinner."

Lucy blinked and then her blush intensified, "Wait, are you…asking me on a date?"

"Only if you want it to be. It can just as easily be merely two friends having dinner," I replied with a smile before turning and tossing the towels and sheets at the couch like a ball, "Alley-oop!" I turned back to her a hand extended with my smile unwavering, "So, dinner?"

Lucy's blush faded as a smile spread across her face, "Let me throw these into my apartment. I'll be right back."

I half wondered if she thought I wouldn't notice the fresh coat of lipstick and the way she'd quickly done her hair up when she came back down the stairs. The other half wondered and hoped it was for me because she looked extra cute like that. We stepped out and I locked the door behind us. We made our way down the street hunting a restaurant and wound up wandering through town for nearly an hour. After a while we were both tired, and a bit frustrated and hungry too.

We had walked in silence for several minutes and then I paused and sighed, "Well, this is taking longer than I expected." I looked over at Lucy who was still looking _extremely_ cute even as she shot me a weary glance. I sighed through my nose, _Eh what the hell…_ "You wanna make out? We might as well sate at least _one _appetite."

Lucy immediately froze, turned as pink as Natsu's hair and her neon blush faintly glowed in the moonlight as she stared at me in shock. I smiled wanly and went to walk on, "Sorry, that was probably a bit too forward of me…My brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work so well when I'm hungry."

Then Lucy caught my sleeve and said quietly, "I didn't say I didn't want to."

We both started off a little awkward, it wasn't the best lighting, and neither of us had much of any experience. We both gave it our best though and pretty quickly we hit our stride. We might've gone farther than what rapidly became some extremely hot kisses, but we were interrupted by my stomach growling. I wanted to ignore it, but then Lucy's growled right back. We both grimaced. Lucy rested her head on my shoulder with a sigh, "I'm so hungry…"

Then something occurred to me, "Hang on, lemme try something." I reached out with my Archive's telepathy, "Okay, looks like every restaurant in town is closed, _but_," I added with a grin, "the Guild Hall is still open and serving. I guess it's the happenin' place in Magnolia after sundown." We quickly stepped out of the dark little alley we'd ducked into and headed for the Guild Hall.

About fifteen minutes later, we pushed through the doors to find what seemed like half the guild chanting for either Natsu or Gray. Natsu and Gray were sitting at the table glaring daggers at each other.

Lucy quickly caught Cana and asked what was going on. "Oh that?" she laughed, "Master didn't want them wrecking the place so late in the day, so he and Mira set up a contest. They're gonna have an eating contest. The hottest curry Mira can make for Gray and ice cream for Natsu. See which of them gives up on eating their opponent's element first."

By then though, I was already at the table. I was sold from the moment I heard 'eating contest', "FEED ME!"

"AW MAN, YOU'RE GETTIN' IN ON IT TOO JERRY?!" Natsu exclaimed excitedly. Gray declared that I was going down. I laughed and declared that I'd take them both on, hit me with everything.

Everyone laughed.

Then the first round came out and I inhaled both my dishes before Natsu and Gray had their third spoonfuls. I tilted back my head and just poured the contents of the bowls in. I must've instinctively used my transformation magic, because it was like something straight out of a cartoon. The trick was to mix the two and let them mitigate each other, just like how I later learned it was easier to fight Natsu and Gray while they were fighting each other. I set my bowls down and grinned at them smugly with my cheeks puffed out to the size of my head like a squirrel as they and everyone else gaped at me with identical expressions of shock and awe. I swallowed, "Don't just sit there, eat up. The food's great, can I have some more Mira?"

Mira set down another bowl of each and watched as I threw them back like shots of whiskey. Mira pouted at me as Natsu and Gray redoubled their efforts, "Are you even tasting the food?"

I swallowed and smiled, "Yes. It's extremely good. I do apologize for rushing my bowls, but it _is_ a contest. May I have another round?" Mira thought about it and shot a meaningful glance at Master Makarov.

Master nodded, "Yes, but you must use a spoon so you don't outpace these two quite so badly." I grinned and replied that that was no problem, but that it wouldn't help 'em much. Mira brought me a fresh round and two spoons. My hands dissolved into blurs of motion turning the contents of the two bowls into a steady stream of food down my gullet. I almost started getting dizzy from switching from one to the other so quickly. "SO! FREAKING! GOOD!" I declared happily between mouthfuls.

In a matter of minutes, I'd cleaned those two bowls as well. It was then that I noticed a hush had fallen over the room. I blinked and realized Natsu and Gray both had their heads down on the table, each halfway through their second bowl. Steam was coiling out the corners of Gray's mouth and Natsu looked… kinda dead really.

Master strode across the table to stand between them and looked from one to the other, "Well boys, it's official." A mildly sadistic grin spread across his face, "_You're both wimps._ This contest is over! The winner is Jerry! Somebody take these two knuckleheads home! They'll have their punishment game in the morning!"

I tilted my head in surprise as Macao and Wakaba dragged Natsu and Gray out, "Punishment game?"

Makarov looked at me, "Have you never been through one before?"

I shrugged, "Not a thing where I'm from. Care to enlighten me?"

Makarov chuckled, "Well it's lucky you won then! You would've been in for a nasty shock otherwise. You see sometimes bets are made where the only real reward is ducking the consequences of losing. Those consequences are the punishment game. Natsu and Gray's bets usually involve such games because they like to laugh at each others' misfortune whenever they get the upper hand in their rivalry. Tomorrow's punishment game will be embarrassing for both of them since they _both_ lost."

I quirked an eyebrow curiously with a mischievous smirk, "Whatcha gonna do to 'em?"

Makarov raised an eyebrow, "Me? But you're the winner. That means _you _get to decide their punishment."

I thought for a minute and then a wicked grin spread across my face, "Dunking booth?"

"Dunking booth?" Everyone chorused.

"You've never seen a dunking booth?!" I exclaimed, then my wicked grin returned, "Ohhh…you guys are gonna love this. I'll need some help to set it up though."

The next day truly was awful…for Natsu and Gray.

They were both wearing tutus, floaties and snorkels, and everyone in the guild got to take a turn at trying to dunk them in my giant evil vat of blue gloop. I couldn't make a suitable dunking mechanism, so instead everyone threw bags of feathers at them while they stood on a round log over the vat. Every time one lost his balance he'd start to fall, grab the other one and yank him in too, then on the off chance one managed to avoid getting dragged down with the other, they'd knock each other in when they tried to climb back up! Then they'd get all sticky and the feathers would stick to them until they looked like funky chickens. At least that was the idea.

Of course, being Natsu and Gray, they started fighting immediately and somehow wound up baking themselves into a giant loaf of chalky blue no-longer-gloop. The vat fell apart from the force of their (mostly Natsu's doing I think) explosion and left them sitting in what looked like a giant block of blue chalk. It took them a minute to realize what had happened, and then they exploded out of it. If I hadn't realized what was coming, I probably wouldn't have been able to get my Archive Screen Shield up and keep the entire guild hall from being turned as blue as them. As was, I crossed my arms and grinned as they realized they were blue, "Gents, ya done been _smurfed."_

Nobody knew what a smurf was, but they all knew what Natsu and Gray being turned blue was, so they all laughed anyway. Then Natsu and Gray started fighting when Gray blamed Natsu for knocking them in and it was back to business as usual.

…

…

The next day we took our first job as a team, Natsu, Lucy and me. The job? Hunt down and dismantle a rogue's guild that had set up shop near a nearby town and started terrorizing it. For 100,000 jewels each (the total reward was 300,000), I had no qualms about busting some heads. Makarov begged me and Lucy to keep Natsu from burning down the town when we accepted the job. Lucy and I agreed to do our best and then headed out to the town that had sent out the message for help.

It didn't take long to find the rogue's guild. Natsu had run one down in less than half an hour after we got off the train. I grinned as Natsu started threatening to burn the rogue guild's location out of the rogue in question, "Hang on Natsu, I got this." I grabbed the rogue's head and dove in with my Archive. A moment later, I knew way more than I wanted to about the Rogue's Guild called Red Ravens. I pulled my hands back in disgust and glared, "Natsu, forget burning this bastard for information, let's _castrate him_."

Natsu looked at me in surprise as I glared at the suddenly terrified scum bag, "You'll see when we get there, but I'm starting to wish we hadn't brought Lucy for this one." Lucy nervously asked what I was talking about. "They've been kidnapping girls to be their _playthings_, and they're looking to get into slave trading," I snarled as I started glowing angrily, "If it weren't for the fact that they've got hostages I'd ring their base in fire and blow the whole thing to Hell with them in it."

Lucy looked appropriately horrified. Natsu looked appropriately pissed. The pickpocket in Natsu's hand immediately caught a Fire Dragon Iron Fist to the face hard enough to crack his skull on the cobblestones. Lucy flinched and Natsu snarled, "Let's go."

I pulled Leo's key and swished it, "Open Gate of the Lion." Leo popped through and immediately took stock of the situation. He looked at the thoroughly concussed pickpocket, looked at us, "I'm guessing slave traders?"

"Wannabes," I growled, "We've got their location, could you take Lucy and go get the local division of the army? Natsu and I are about to go light those scumbags _up._"

Leo nodded, "Sure. I'll be able to sense your location through my key."

"Why do I have to go get the army?!" Lucy demanded, "I can fight too!"

I turned a hard look on her, "_Because_ Lucy, if these pieces of shit get the drop on you and manage to separate us, they'll probably have you at gun point, naked and begging them to stop in less than five minutes." Lucy went ghostly pale and I hugged her, "Please, stay with Leo, summon Taurus and stay _safe. _Anything else, we'd bring you, but not this one okay?"

Lucy nodded and I stepped back to give her a reassuring smile, "We'll win Lucy. Get the army and have them ready to tote what's left of these sorry pricks to jail. _If _there's anything left, I intend to leave these bastards worse off than the ones we ran into in Hargeon." Lucy nodded and I turned to Leo, "Keep her safe and catch up as soon as you can." Leo and Lucy agreed and Natsu and I turned and took off at a run.

…

…

Natsu and I arrived at the Rogue's Guild's headquarters about fifteen minutes later. Happy was flying Natsu, and I was using one of my cards to sky surf. They'd set up shop in an abandoned chapel. Some part of me took offense to that. _Add it to the list of reasons for them to burn in Hell, _I snarled internally.

I'd come up with a plan on the way. Natsu wanted to charge right in and beat up everything in sight, but I persuaded him to let me evacuate the hostages and enact a pitfall trap to keep any of them from getting away.

When we arrived, I summoned Virgo. It gave me a small throbbing headache above my eyes but it was worth it, "Hey Virgo, how big of a hole can you make?"

Virgo tilted her head, "Pretty big." "Big enough to completely engulf that building down there?" Virgo glanced and nodded, "Yes I can do that." I smiled, "Good. I'm about to do a lot of teleporting to save the hostages they've got in there, and when I give the word, or if you see men start coming out of there, drop the whole building. Natsu, keep your guard up and when I've got all the hostages out, Virgo's gonna drop the building down the hole, and I want you to set it on fire. I know you want to bust some heads, but a simple Fire Dragon's Roar will be more than a plenty."

Natsu nodded, "Right." I closed my eyes and turned, searching with my Archive. In less than a minute I had a map of the entire area in my head with friendlies in white and shit-stains in red. _Calculate trajectory…power levels…time consumed…_I didn't open my eyes, I had to keep them shut to keep the map up. "Get ready…" I breathed as I extended my hand.

There was no real thought for the next thirty four seconds, in, out, in, out, in, out… When I had gotten the last one, I felt like my skull was about to explode from the strain, "VIRGO! NATSU! NOW!" I heard an almighty crash and then Natsu charged forward, "FIRE DRAGON…**_ROOOOOOOOAR!_**"

I felt Virgo dismiss herself as soon as the building collapsed into the massive hole that opened under it and the pressure in my head lessened considerably to about the range of a mere migraine. It was enough that I could crack an eye and squint through the pain. I grinned as I saw Natsu turn the pit into a maelstrom of flames. Natsu turned and walked back to me and I was surprised that he looked angry. "They're all gonna die now, you know that right?"

I grinned viciously, "Good. Serves 'em right. If you're having doubts, go check on the girls. I'll put out the flames in a minute since it's bothering you." It took me a second to amp my ethernano intake the way Precht's thesis had taught me, but once I did, the pounding headache faded almost immediately as energy raced back into my system. I rose to my feet and threw five cards out over the flaming pit. I tilted them and grew them so that they formed a giant fan. A few minutes of spinning later, the flames were sucked away into the sky and dispersed.

I strode over to the edge of the pit and nodded in satisfaction as I saw over two dozen flash fried bandits and rapists lying stunned and unconscious in the rubble down below, "And there's even bodies for the army to count. Perfect."

Lucy and Leo showed up about twenty minutes later with about twenty soldiers and a small crowd of townsfolk. After the girls had been given blankets and loaded into the back of a wagon for a ride back to town with the local doctor, ladders were brought and the thugs, some of whom were even still alive, were carted away. The mayor of the town and the head of the local guard thanked us and gave us the reward money.

…

…

We were halfway back to Magnolia before Natsu spoke, "I won't deny that they deserved it, but I didn't like doing that. Not like that. Fighting's one thing, that was…" he trailed off. Lucy was watching nervously from where she sat behind me on my flying card (walking that far was for Natsu and chumps). An uncomfortable silence had settled over us the instant we were away from the grateful townsfolk.

"A slaughter?" I supplied dryly.

Natsu glared at me and then turned his gaze back to the ground, "Yeah."

I sighed and thought for a moment, "Sorry Natsu. It was the most efficient and effective plan I could think of. If we had gone in guns blazing and busting heads, then some of the hostages could've been caught in the crossfire, or used as human shields, or some of the targets might've escaped. The pitfall would've been sufficient to trap them, but then the guards could've been captured and used as hostages when they went to retrieve them, and then it would've been back to square one. We had to put them down and put them down _hard_ or it could've gone very wrong, very quickly. For the record, _I_ am quite satisfied with how the plan turned out."

Natsu looked up at me with a hard, searching look, "You are one cold dude, you know it?"

"Actually," I said quietly, "right then? I was pretty fired up. Trust me, I wanted to beat the hell out of them too." I crossed my arms and sat back with a sigh, "If it makes you feel any better about it, think about those girls we saved Natsu. They were in a living Hell there. We saved them from that. Now they can get back to their lives."

Silence reigned for a few minutes and then Lucy finally worked up the courage to ask, "Um, guys? What happened before I got there?"

"I had Virgo collapse the building into that pit the instant I got the last hostage out with my teleportation," I said quietly, "Then I got Natsu to set it on fire. Fish in a barrel doesn't even _begin_ to describe it."

Lucy took a moment to grasp the import of that and then her eyes went wide as the images started flashing through her head of what that must've been like for the people caught in it, "Whoa."

I nodded grimly, "When I say I'm sending somebody to Hell, that's where they're going, and I'll get express tickets." Lucy looked at me in shock as though she'd never seen me quite properly before and I sighed, "For the record, I reserve that sort of treatment for the worst of the worst, monsters in the most despicable sense of the word. If they were just thieves, I would have left it at collapsing their building on top of them and dropping them down a great big hole. Those were murderers, rapists and would've been slavers like those bastards in Hargeon if we hadn't gotten there when we did. A plague cannot help being a plague, and a hurricane can't help being a storm. That is their nature and I bear them no grudge. Those men could've been good, but they _chose_ to be monsters. For them, I have no mercy."

"You still put out the flames though," Happy pointed out.

"Only because Natsu was uncomfortable with it," I replied quietly, "I would've let them burn."

"How can you be so comfortable with just killing them like that?!" Natsu exploded, "I would kill for my friends sure, but that was…"

"BECAUSE EVERY ONE OF THOSE GIRLS LOOKED LIKE MIRA, LUCY AND LEVY TO ME, OKAY?!" I shouted. There was a stunned silence for a second, I'm pretty sure people would've been staring if anyone was around. I took a few deep breaths and I'm not sure I wasn't shaking a little, "It doesn't matter what they look like. It doesn't even matter if they're pretty. When I see someone hurting a girl, or a kid, or even just a harmless animal, I'm not seeing what's actually in front of me so much as a nightmare image of people I care about experiencing the same thing, and I think you react to people messing with your loved ones about the same way I do." I snapped my fingers and made a little explosion.

Natsu, Lucy and Happy stared at me and I continued with a sigh, "You're right. I'm cold. I'm cold, brutal and honestly just a bit plain damn _mean, _but that's because I know that losing control and going off half-cocked will only make things worse_._ I…I just…the plan worked okay? It worked perfectly. I know it was brutal and horrible, but…they…GRAAAAAH!" I couldn't anymore, I just couldn't. My logic was all logic'ed out and the emotional half of my brain had gotten a foothold and that was it for my rationality.

"Look, I'm a results guy! You tell me squash the bug, _I squash the bug. _You tell me move the mountain? I may not be able to, but I'll damn sure try! You tell me stop the bandits? I make sure they never ever go again! I take things to their logical extr-finish! I make sure that the problem is solved in such a way that it won't ever be a problem again! When the problem is bugs, that means kill the bugs. When the problem is _bandits_, that means permanently incapacitate the bandits so they can never ever hurt anyone ever again! I can break their legs, I can flash fry them, I can just out and out pull a queen of hearts and OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! But I can't just risk them getting out of jail and going right back to it. That-that's a _problem_ where I'm from. People go to jail for doing bad things and then they get out and go _right back to doing what they went to jail for! Except they're better at it because they've had other criminals to compare notes with!_"

I gestured desperately, "Do, do you see what I'm saying here?! I _can't_ instant rehabilitate them, I don't have that much control and power with my telepathy or I could just rewrite their brains and turn them into like _soybean farmers_ or something, so I have to go for the beat down! The ones that died went down in seconds, the ones that lived were only on fire for a few minutes and were probably hurt by the building falling on them as much as the flames, that was actually a _very_ quick takedown! I didn't drag it out, I didn't take any _pleasure _in it aside from a job well done…I..I just…_why are you upset with me when we won quickly easily and thoroughly?!_"

Natsu, Lucy and Happy were all quiet for a moment and then… "Huh," Natsu mused, "I guess when you put it that way there's no reason to be." He smiled, "You're right! Thanks Jerry, that did go off really well!"

"YOU GOT ME ALL RILED UP FOR _THAT?!_" I roared. I was starting to really see why Gray enjoyed punching Natsu in the face so much…

_**Next time on "Mad Little Slice of Heaven"...**_

...

_I had more papercuts and puncture wounds than anyone should ever have courtesy of a swarm of paper butterflies that despite looking like they should be flimsy and harmless were as hard as steel and acted like a swarm of itty-bitty fighter jets. Natsu and Happy were trying to outfly an apparently fire proof origami dragon the size of a rhino that could apparently unfold itself into a giant razor sharp blade at speeds too fast to even see. The paper shield and sword she had summoned were letting her go toe to toe with Taurus effortlessly and I couldn't tell if she was just that strong and capable of turning into paper or if we were just fighting a magically animated paper… puppet…_

_I cursed as the thought occurred to me and spread my telepathy, trying to pinpoint our foe's real location._

_Then time seemed to slow down and I whirled, not even needing my telepathy to spot her as I realized where she was… __**right behind Lucy with a javelin...**_


	8. Ch8: Overdoing It

**AN:** _Ok, first off as always, reviewer replies, including an answer that I'm sure plenty of people were wondering about after the last chapter! (Heads up, this answer's a little longwinded)_

**_Reptil: _**_Here is a list of confirmed canon kills, in Fairy Tail, BY Fairy Tail:  
Ikaruga: Cut down by Erza  
Azuma: Cut down by Erza  
Tempester (twice no less!): by Laxus (and/or Gray depending on which version you prefer)  
Jackal: Pummeled to death by Lucy with Urano Metria  
Ezel: Beaten to death by Wendy  
Torafuzar: Cut open by Gajeel  
Keyes: Blown apart from the inside out by Juvia  
Kyoka: Cut down by Erza and then stabbed through back by Minerva for the finisher  
Wall Icht (puppet): Killed by Freed and Ichiya, I'm including this one because lethal force was used  
Bloodman: Killed by Gajeel  
Wall Icht: Electrocuted/Fried to death by Laxus  
The VAST number of soldiers wiped out by Makarov's Fairy Law during the Alvarez War_

_Now I know what you're thinking, in every one of these situations it was kill or be killed and all but two of the ones named weren't human, and therefore nobody could blame them for using lethal force. This is true, but also, THIS IS TRUE._

_The reason that's important is because it gives an excuse for using that lethal force. Fairy Tail are meant to be the heroes, unambiguously the good guys, and that would be pretty dang difficult to pull off if they were willing to just axe any opponent they came across. Also, this isn't some dark, gritty, broody story, lots of the characters have tragic pasts, but the closest we ever get to a sure enough DARK arc is the Tartaros arc, so you don't really expect to see a lot of killing from it. It's also meant to be something which can be enjoyed by readers of any age (within reason), so it can't really go all in on the blood and guts the way another story might._

_Fairy Tail is meant to be light hearted and fun, and that's one of the things I love about it._

_HOWEVER, it doesn't change the fact that these characters can and ARE willing to use lethal force when the need arises. Not to mention that they routinely use weapons and magic which can be deadly very VERY easily, and they use the same magic on people that they use on the giant monsters. Case in point, Natsu blows up a ship. One bad fire wizard jumps out and starts fighting him which draws our attention...what happened to his gang and everyone else including the innocent girls on the ship? They're pulling themselves out of burning wreckage as best they can, but that's never focused on because it would throw our hero's recklessness into the really REALLY bad light that it honestly deserves._

_So I think that while they WOULD kill if they had to, they most probably really REALLY don't like to if they can avoid it, and it's all but canon that most of the collateral damage they do which is just played for laughs in the show but in reality is incredibly serious is simply just them being just that damn absentminded, reckless and clumsy. That's why I included that last section of this chapter with Natsu, Lucy and Happy all looking at Jerry like "What the fuck dude?! How can you be so chill about this?!" and Jerry having his little mini-breakdown over it._

_In Jerry's case you see, it's almost a case of "wrong genre-savvy". He focuses entirely on the desired result, he's an "ends justify the means" kinda guy despite his actually very strong morals. He may be a Fairy Tail wizard, but he hasn't got that Fairy Tail mentality yet. This'll be gone into in more depth (in this very chapter even!) but for right now, he's probably the most dangerous-to-confront member of Fairy Tail, with the possible exception of the S-Class and the Thunder Legion, not because he's necessarily just that strong, but because he's focused on one thing: WINNING, and he doesn't really care if his opponent survives because he only really fights people who in his eyes deserve whatever misfortune and punishment they get. He's a combat pragmatist: talking is not a free action, neither is transforming, he WILL hit below the belt, he WILL go for the sucker punch, and he will DEFINITELY bring a bazooka to a fist fight._

_This is something that's VERY ingrained into him, and it will prove beneficial to him as the story goes on. This isn't some super dark story that's going to be all BLOODBLOODBLOODDEATHDIEGORE, but that willingness to do whatever it takes to win is one of Jerry's core personality traits, and it hadn't really gotten a chance to shine yet as this is only his fourth fight. However if you look back at fights one through three, he wasn't exactly GENTLE in those either.  
Let's recap:  
Slavers in chapter 1: Dropped from heights more than great enough to kill an ordinary person, many bones were broken and handed over to a pissed off minotaur who basically reduced them the rest of the way to stains on the dock  
Vanish Brothers: Basically had a billboard dropped on them, and then blown up repeatedly until they surrendered  
Everlue and Virgo: Virgo left partway through, and Everlue didn't put up enough of a fight to even call it that, but take just a second to consider the damage done by "fifty two rapid fire sledgehammer blows". Severe internal bleeding, most internal organs traumatized, most bones badly broken if not outright shattered...Everlue will never walk again, likely never twiddle his moustache/nosehairs again, and be lucky if he can ever eat anything not delivered through a straw again._

_But when you think about it, how much damage would say NATSU's standard attacks actually do to an ordinary human being? We've seen this guy catch the weight of a BUILDING and just nonchalantly shove it hard enough to make the giant robot its attached to stumble back. A punch from him would at the very least shatter an ordinary person's bones, if not outright knock their head clean off!  
"It's Fairy Tail, it's an anime, they're just exaggerating, oh he's holding back when he fights humans". I'm a martial artist, I know what holding back looks like, especially holding back THAT MUCH. Holding back is not in Natsu Dragneel's vocabulary._

_Now it's obvious that people in Fairy Tail are stupid tough, that'll be addressed later as well, but just the stuff that Gildarts nonchalantly does to young Natsu which is played for laughs would be outright LETHAL if you did it to anybody in our world (example, that half mile flick through the roof when Natsu sucker punched him that one time, any ordinary kid would've been in a full body cast AT BEST!)_

_Once you take all this into account, I think the evidence speaks for itself. They don't LIKE killing, but they definitely aren't too concerned about their opponents living either, so Jerry's tactics aren't really going to be much of an issue for anyone who doesn't see his more brutal curb-stomp tactics in action, and even then, this was exceptional circumstances. I'm of the same mind as Jerry and I'm pretty sure most people would agree with me that kidnapping raping slavers deserve very VERY painful demises and there's no such thing as overkill._

_However, this will be his last confirmed kill until...hmm...some chapter in at least the twenties probably, and this will probably be the darkest chapter until some time around then as well. There'll be some deconstruction of some things that will be kind of "oh shit!" moments, but this is likely to be the last chapter to get such a downer ending for a while._

_As for Archive, yep, check out Hibiki's use of it in the Nirvana arc. Shields and minor explosions._

**_An Old Crow:_**_Quite glad you're still enjoying, commentary is always welcome, and I'm glad you like the picture! :D It's not the best picture of Jerry, he's a little too sinister looking in it I think, but it serves well enough to give a general impression of his appearance. I'll be honest, I had entirely forgotten about Kamika (the Garou Knights girl), no the paper mage in this chapter is actually a subtle expy of Konan from Naruto. I do apologize for that downer ending last chapter, but it seemed like a really good place to end that chapter. The ending of this one's a little bit serious as well, but don't worry, I think this one's light enough to make up for it. :)_

_On with the show! :D_

**Chapter 8 – Overdoing It**

When we made it back that evening, I made a beeline for the bar. I wasn't going to drink, I liked my brain cells too much to sacrifice them so needlessly. Besides, there was something much better at the bar than booze. Or rather, some_one._

"Oh hey Jerry!" Mira exclaimed with a bright smile as I slid onto a barstool and slumped over the bar. Mira noticed my slumpiness and frowned, "Did the job not go well?"

I shook my head, "Oh no, job went as smoothly as could be asked for. Saved seventeen young ladies from being basically toys for a gang of sick pieces of shit, got the immense pleasure of dropping said sick pieces of shit down a deep dark hole, along with their entire hideout coming down on top of them, and then I had Natsu set the whole kit and kaboodle on _fire_." I might've had a bit of a sadistic grin slide across my face as I said that, and I _definitely_ did as I added, "I _love it_ when bad things happen to people I despise, and that bunch was scum of the earth the likes of which I hate the most."

"Sounds like it went pretty well then," Mira replied with what sounded like a hint of carefulness in her voice, "So why the long face?"

I pouted slightly, "Eh, Natsu and Lucy were both really uncomfortable with my method of 'drop 'em all down a great big hole and set 'em on fire until they're crispy'. Then Natsu complained about it on the way back, which got me all riled up, and then I convinced him that it was the best way we could possibly have handled it, no casualties, all the hostages saved, not a single escaped target, no collateral damage…and then he just blows off the whole thing that he's been giving me the cold shoulder over for hours like it was nothing. Really kinda left me in a bit of a funky humor, was hoping you could cheer me up?"

Mira was staring at me and I felt a bit of a sinking feeling in my gut as I wondered if she was going to have the same reaction Natsu had. "Mira?" I asked tentatively.

Mira shook herself slightly and smiled at me, "I'm sorry Jerry, I must've misheard you. I could've sworn you said 'no collateral damage'. About a job. _With Natsu._"

I raised up slightly with an eyebrow quirked, "Well, _yeah…_ I mean Master said make sure Natsu didn't burn anything down he wasn't supposed to, so I did. We beat the location of the rogue's guild's base out of one of their pickpockets almost as soon as we were off the train, and then while Lucy went to get the army, me and Natsu flew out and did the whole 'drop em down a deep dark hole and set 'em on fire' thing. I wasn't gonna let him burn down a town after Master said not to. The whole thing took like, maybe an hour?"

"So let me get this straight," Mira leaned down to look me in the eye, "You're telling me that you hunted down and took out an entire rogue's guild, saved everyone they had kidnapped without any harm to any of them, and kept Natsu from destroying anything _except_ the one building he actually needed to destroy…all in the course of an hour."

"Well if you want to get _technical_ it took a grand total of sixty-_two _minutes, if we include the time it took to turn them over to the authorities, and collecting our reward took another hour," I replied dryly, "We're _wizards._ Eating the notion of 'impossible' and using improbability for toilet paper is kinda the whole shtick."

Mira searched my face for some sign that I was lying and then turned and walked off. I didn't bother to watch her go as her staunch disbelief had me feeling even more agitated than I'd been when I'd walked in. I flopped back onto the bar and fumed silently.

A few moments later, she came back with wide eyes looking like she was in a bit of a daze and told me, "Don't care what you order, first round's on the house."

I sat up in surprise, "Eh?"

Mira looked at me with a quirked eyebrow of her own, "_You _might eat impossible and shit it out on improbability, but around here taking a job, _especially_ a job with Natsu, and coming back without a single incident and the entirety of the reward is basically unheard of. I think this is the first time I've heard of anyone from Fairy Tail doing anything more exciting than going grocery shopping without destroying something…and to think you did it with _Natsu _on your team…"

I stared for a moment in polite disbelief, "You're shittin' me right?"

Mira smiled at me sympathetically, "Yeah, you're _definitely _from another world. This is _Fairy Tail_, the biggest and best guild in Fiore, and also the most notoriously _destructive._ Every guild has something it's known for. Fairy Tail is known for having extremely powerful, and _extremely reckless_ wizards. More often than not we wind up doing as much damage getting rid of monsters and such as the monsters themselves were. What happened in Hargeon was only a little bit bigger a mess than what Natsu usually gets into, and believe it or not, despite being arguably our most destructive member due to his magic, he's actually pretty normal for this guild. So for you to go on a job, collect the full reward _and _prevent any collateral damage? It sounded too insane even for Fairy Tail. So, in honor of your doing what we had begun to assume was impossible, first round. On the house." She told me with a smile.

I blinked, "If it's not too bold, can I have a kiss?"

Mira smirked, "Someone's feeling brave! What happened to that funky humor?"

I smirked right back, "I'm 95,000 jewels richer than I was this morning, I helped save seventeen pretty girls today, apparently I did the impossible, and now I'm sitting here talking to the most beautiful woman I've ever met who just told me first round's on the house. I came to talk to you hoping it would make me feel better, and I gotta say congrats! You've succeeded."

Mira smiled at me, "Well when you put it like that…" she turned, poured a mug of something fizzy, shot me a wink and took a sip. Then she set the mug on the bar and slid it over to me with a smug little grin, "There ya go hot shot."

I blinked as I processed that her lipstick was still on the rim of the mug, _indirect kiss?_ I felt myself blush and then a grin just as big and smug as hers settled across my face, _I'll take it. _I threw it back and drained the whole mug in one go before setting it back on the counter as I met her eyes with a grin, "Best drink I've ever had."

Mira snorted lightly with laughter, "Are you sure you don't just want in my pants while you're at it?"

I think that blush would've been in the 'neon fire engine' category, but I carefully schooled my face into a neutral expression, "That'd be nice too…"

Mira took one look at me trying (and largely failing) to keep my cool and burst out laughing, along with Cana who sat down next to me and then I realized _Elfman _was sliding onto the stool on the other side. "Hey guys!" I said with a cheerful smile trying to cover up the nerves from having the sasquatch sized brother of the girl I'd just been quite shamelessly flirting with slide onto the stool next to mine.

"Baaall_sy!_" Cana cackled.

Elfman smiled in a very nonthreatening manner as he cracked his knuckles, "Yep, that's pretty manly. You know what else is manly?"

"Remembering what happened the last time you tried to interfere in my dating life?" Mira asked him sweetly, causing her immense brother to go as pale as his hair.

"Y-yeah, it's super manly to let a woman make her own decisions…" Elfman stammered.

I tried really, _really _hard not to snigger at his expression… Then Cana made a whiplash sound and I couldn't restrain myself. Elfman shot me a look but I couldn't help it, his expression was _priceless_. After a moment I cleared my throat, "In all honesty I don't blame you Elfman, if I had a sister I'd be protective too. That's just a natural thing a man should do, wanting the best for his sister."

All three of them stared at me and then Elfman exclaimed happily, "I know right?!"

Thus began a rather extensive conversation that lasted several hours and completely eradicated whatever remained of the foul humor that Natsu's objection to my methods had raised that afternoon. I went home grinning from ear to ear and a touch tipsy to boot (mostly courtesy of Cana who had proven to be exceptionally fun and a considerable flirt). We'd actually been the last ones in the Guild Hall that night, so the three of us helped Mira close up and I'd actually gotten a full kiss on the mouth from Cana, who was so inebriated I was surprised she could walk a straight line. My offer to walk her home was waved off and she'd just climbed up onto a very flustered Elfman instead, grinning drunkenly as she pointed forward with one hand while she held onto Elfman and clutched her bottle in the other, "Forward noble steed! To Fairy Hills! Mush! Mush!"

Mira sighed and patted me on the shoulder, "Don't worry about it Jerry, we get her home most every night." Then she kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "See you in the morning…"

As she ran to catch up with Elfman and his plastered passenger, little shivers of pleasure ran down my spine and between her and Cana, the grin didn't leave my face until well after my cheeks got sore from smiling too much. I couldn't have cared less, that was worth smiling about.

…

…

I'm honestly not quite sure what started the guild wide brawl that morning. I think Gray and Natsu were within twenty feet of each other and the usual explosions ensued. Natsu got thrown out of the brawl and slammed into the bar about two minutes in. "GRAY YOU BASTARD I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT!"

Gray's response was a blast of ice magic… which completely missed Natsu and hit me square in the back!

Let it be known that I really, _REALLY_ hate cold. So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that I started glowing like a spotlight immediately as I blasted the ice off my back. "Natsu…" I ground out, "Tag. Me. IN."

Natsu looked at me and then reached out and patted my elbow, "Tag, you're it."

"GOOD!" I roared before kicking off with an explosion and hurtling like a cannonball through the melee to blast through Gray's hastily erected ice shield and deliver a punch to his gut that launched him out of the brawl just as fast as I had been going in. Actually, he might've been going a little bit faster since I loaded the punch with an explosion to negate my own momentum so I could get my feet back under me.

Somebody took a swing at me, wasn't sure who, didn't really care. I sprang out of the way and dropped a piledriver into the back of his head when he over extended. He hit the ground and I spun out of the way of the next attack, curiously noting that I could sense where everyone was as a gut feeling. I later realized this was Archive's telepathy giving me a heads up, but at the time I just rolled with it.

A kick came in for my back and I turned and effortlessly slammed my weight into the oncoming foot with my arm folded like a shield. It would've been nasty if it had connected with anything soft, but I'd jammed a lot of kicks like that, and just like those times, my would be opponent suffered a reversal of momentum and fell flat on their back, where they immediately got stepped on.

Then Gray was back with what had to be a hundred pound maul made of ice. Knowing there was no way in hell I'd be able to dodge it forever, I took the opposite approach. One blast powered jump later and my knee was connecting to Gray's jaw hard enough to cut him a flip. I angled the flat of my hand up and used another explosion to drive me straight down on top of him. Judging by his expression, I'd say it hurt about as much as I had intended. Then a fireball came right for my face and a hasty Archive screen was all that kept me from eating it.

Then there was an overly excited Dragon Slayer right in front of me torqueing a full body punch towards my face, through my Archive screen and into my hastily crossed arms. My only thought as he sent me flying anyway was, _How the fuck is he this strong?!_

I slammed into a very large solid something and landed on my feet, glancing over my shoulder and up as I'd felt it give a little on impact, "Oh hey Elfman…" Then I saw a massive double fire and ice attack headed my way. I reached behind me, grabbed Elfman's shirt and teleported straight up with him. As Natsu and Gray's combo attack roared by beneath us, I turned us with my teleportation, "ELFMAN! BODY SLAM!"

Then I braced my back against his and kicked my feet up to give us a little rocket boost. I think it actually wound up hurting Elfman as much as Natsu and Gray who I successfully pinned under him. How do I know this? About five seconds later, Elfman was after me too.

If not for the fact that my best friend and most frequent sparring buddy back home was about the same size as Elfman, I might've been significantly worried. Something I quickly learned though, was that Gabe was a _much _better fighter than Elfman. Elfman probably had an edge in sheer strength and size, but he was nowhere near as efficient in his movements and that made his strikes _very _easy to predict and dodge. Yes, _dodge_ because even as good as my guard is, there are some things you just _do not_ try to stand your ground against. A fist at least half the size of your head being swung by a guy nearly seven feet tall is one of them. The other thing I noticed about Elfman? His guard _sucked._

Normally I was a quick, light and mostly evasive fighter. I had always been severely lacking in the offense department, but now that I could accelerate and strengthen my hits with explosions? Elfman lasted about the ten seconds it took me to get inside his reach, put my fist into his jaw on my way past followed by my foot torqueing into his face just in time for me to teleport back to the ground and sweep him with the tail end of the spin on my kick while he was off balance. The bigger they are the more satisfying it is to put 'em on the ground.

There was no time to pat myself on the back though, because Natsu and Gray had circled around and were charging. All I had to do was teleport backwards about two feet and out of the way. They clocked each other instead of me and when they started to get back into it with each other, I grabbed a table and used my telekinesis to pick it up and slam it down on top of them. I picked it up and hauled back in case I needed to do it again, but then I noticed how quiet it was.

Then my wild grin vanished promptly as I noticed Master Makarov standing there looking at me with a bemused expression. I carefully put the table back, "Eh, mornin' Master…nice day ain't it?"

"Yeees…" Master drawled, "And now that you've gotten involved in one of our guild brawls for the first time, you get to help with another Fairy Tail tradition. Cleaning up afterwards."

I looked around and noticed that most of the furniture in the main hall was upended and there was food and drink splattered everywhere. It looked like a riot had gone down, which technically it kinda had. I flexed my fingers, "Right." I raised my hands and reached out with my telekinesis, locking onto all the food and drink that had been spilled, then I furrowed my brow in concentration as I brought my hands together to trigger the transformation magic. I had an instant pounding headache which was _not _helped by the collective gasps and exclamations of surprise from everyone in the room.

Master asked me in a slightly freaked out tone as I clutched my head, "Jerry, what did you just do?"

I cracked an eye through the stabbing pain right above my eyes, "Telekinetic and transformation magic, busted all the more complex molecules in the mess back into the very most basic particles they were composed of. Turned the whole mess into dust and gas. Did it work?"

"Yes, but I think you probably shouldn't use that magic again so lightly," he told me in a gentle tone, "For one, judging by the way you're holding your head, I'd guess you've got a splitting headache." I nodded and he continued, "You've over exerted your magic, do that too much and it can kill you. You're in good health right now, but if you had tried that while you were injured it might very well have drawn from your very life force, which would've badly impacted your ability to heal and fight off infection, making it take far longer to recover and opening you up to things you'd normally never have to worry about. Magic Deficiency Syndrome is no joke kid, you shouldn't risk your health for the sake of getting around a little house cleaning."

Then he motioned me down closer and told me quietly, "Also, that looked like a very devastating form of magic, please tell me you can't use it on living things."

"Theoretically it works on _anything_ except for the very most basic components of matter, so basically anything except metal, sand and air," I grumbled.

Makarov nodded, "I thought so, yes that's a very dangerous ability and not one you should flaunt. Don't tell anyone how you did that, and never use it in combat unless you want the Magic Council gunning to have it outlawed and you with it. Next time just use a broom and mop like everyone else. For now, sit down, eat something and try to recover a little. You probably just shaved half an hour off the clean up time."

I gratefully sank into a seat at the table I had flattened Natsu and Gray with and started trying to amp my ethernano intake so that maybe my brain would quit throbbing a little sooner. After that Master set everyone else to sweeping up the dust my magic had left before turning to me, "So what do you call that magic? I've never seen or heard of anything like it before."

I thought for a moment, "Decomposition."

A few moments later I managed to amp my ethernano intake and I asked Master quietly, "Master, I understand that this power is devastatingly dangerous, and of course it shouldn't be used lightly, but in the event that I am faced with the choice of using it or being overwhelmed and someone getting killed…I can use it then, right?"

"Of course," Master replied, looking slightly offended that I even had to ask, "That is a stipulation on any rule in Fairy Tail. No matter what it is, our comrades come first. Just please, don't send yourself into Magic Deficiency Syndrome with it. I don't want to have one of my brats saved at the cost of another. Always look for another way out, your teleportation can be used on targets besides yourself right? Resort to it before that. Given that you pulled _that _out of something as simple as telekinesis and transformation, I wouldn't be surprised if you come up with something equally terrifying to do with teleportation."

I smiled, "You're right about that Master. Back home, telekinesis, teleportation and limitless transformation were widely regarded as among the most dangerous of all abilities. Yes, even without Decomposition, I still have quite a fearsome arsenal with just those three."

WHACK! "Magic is _not _a weapon," Master told me firmly as I rubbed the back of my head, "Nor is it just some mundane tool to be used. It's a part of you, just as much as any of your limbs, it's an extension of your very being."

I blinked in confusion, the first part was easy. The second… "So…my magic is…a reflection of who I am?"

Master nodded, "Yes. Can't you feel it?"

I looked at my hands and gently flexed a glow into my palms, "No. It just blinks on when I think about it, like flicking a switch. I get a headache when I overdo it, but that's about the only feeling I get that I can directly correlate to it."

Master frowned, "That's very strange, but not unheard of. You must not be very in tune with your magic if it's such a trickle that you can't even feel it."

"So…how do I get _in _tune?" I asked.

Master thought for a moment, "Magic reflects the user, so I suppose to grow more in tune with it, you will need to become more in tune with yourself. You're still new, so I don't know you as well as my other brats. Tell me. What sort of person are you?"

I sat forward and laughed slightly, "A lazy glutton who can only be roused from his apathy to indulge his adrenaline addiction."

Master was silent for a moment and then, "That's…a very harsh assessment of yourself. May I ask how you came by it?"

I looked at him and blinked, "Eh? Oh…just took a good long honest look at myself really." I sat forward and rested my cheek on my fist with my eyes wandering across dimensions to home, "I never suffered or struggled with anything, and even though opportunities for mental challenge were there, I was always content to coast. I could've been number one at virtually anything I wanted, but I didn't care enough about any of it, so I was content to be the bottom of the top quarter. Better than most, but nowhere near as good as I _could_ have been. I had what I needed, and entertainment was so easy to come by…I never had any reason to get off my ass and go _do _something, so I never did. The one thing I _did _do was karate, and that's because it fed my adrenaline addiction perfectly."

"Karate huh? That's not something that lazy people get very far in," Master pointed out, "Judging by your performance in the brawl just now though, I'd guess you stuck with it long enough to gain proficiency?"

"Seven years under one of the most skilled masters in an area about the size of Fiore," I agreed, "I was nowhere near mastery, but I had gotten into the higher ranks."

"Oh? How high?"

"Um…three ranks shy of master and one shy of being able to open a sub-dojo of my own…" I admitted a little shyly, "I think it would've taken at least another two or three years to get to the rank where I could be considered a sensei, but I only ever failed one rank test and that's because I got sick halfway through it, so I think probably two or three years at most. We only had one person above that rank aside from Sensei, and she was really _really _old, so I think she had been that rank for a while. I never asked, didn't really matter. It was a part of my life and I had no intention of ever stopping."

"And did you?" Master asked.

I curled in on myself a little, "Yeah… I had to move to pursue my education and it was too far to make it back for weekly practice. I fell off my training routine big time and I'm honestly surprised I did as well as I did just now." I smiled thinly, "I guess some of it stuck, but it's hard to tell. That wasn't my old style, I always fought defensively. Of course," I mused, "I suppose I did still use the knowledge pretty regularly even if I had no call to use the movements…" I laughed lightly, "You know it's funny, it wasn't until after I'd been gone for a year that I figured out the openings in my old sparring buddies' styles. Gabe always left his left side open when he punched with it and Julie, for all that her kicks were superb, she always dropped her guard on the back side when she was throwing them. A fast opponent could hammer them." I sat back and looked up at the ceiling, "Don't guess I'll ever get to tell them now…"

Master thought for a moment, "So you think yourself lazy because you never strove for anything when you never had a reason to?"

"Ye…oh," It hit me halfway through what he meant, "So…I'm not lazy?"

"If you never had anything to strive _for _then how is it wrong to not strive?" Master asked, "There's a lot to be said for being content with what you have, and a lot to be said _about _throwing your all into goals which ultimately amount to nothing. _So._ Are you lazy for not doing things which have no need to be done? Is it lazy to accomplish that which you set out to do, no more and no less? Is it lazy to not beat yourself up over not achieving everything there is to achieve?"

He let me ponder that for a moment before continuing, "According to Levy, Jet, Droy, Natsu, Happy and Lucy, you've been a complete and utter draft horse of assistance and help on the two missions you've been on. Mira says you carried everything for Lucy when she was moving in, and that you went out of your way to invent a spell on the spot to make your breath smell better when she was close by because you didn't want to inconvenience her with bad breath before spending an hour helping her get things ready to open in the morning. I've also heard no small amount of talk from Levy and Droy about the wonders of your flying card-mobile which got you all to Shirotsume and back in record time. On top of all that, quick recovery time aside, Natsu tells me you pushed yourself to your limit on your last job for the sake of making sure the mission went as smoothly as possible."

"Seems to me," he mused, "you're mistaking effortlessness for laziness. A lazy person doesn't help and complains even when they do no matter how easy it is. Just now when I asked you to help clean up, you didn't even hesitate did you? Even if that spell was intended to get you out of spending an hour or so with a broom or mop in your hand, you saved everyone else at least half that much by turning all the spilled food and drink to dust. Finding a better way to do something is innovation, not laziness. Don't sell yourself so short. After all, it's not like any of _us _use brooms and mops and such when we don't have to either. Observe." He pointed and I saw a couple of people playing rock paper scissors.

Then that guy with the brown hair…Max? I think his name was Max… stepped out of the huddle pouting and carrying a broom. Then he raised his broom like a bat, a dull yellow magic seal appeared in front of him and he swung his broom through it. All the dust in the room suddenly flew right out the door as though it had been blown out by a fierce breeze.

"What was that you told Mira?" Master asked with a smile, "We eat the notion of impossible and shit it out on improbability?"

"Something like that," I mumbled.

"So don't be so hard on yourself," Master told me, "From what I've seen, you're _practical_, not lazy. Try to be a little more accepting of yourself and you might just find your magic responding."

…

…

Two days later on a job to root out some counterfeiters, I learned that there were wizards who could force a "trump card or dead friends" situation with _alarming_ ease.

If anyone ever tells you that Paper Magic is a joke, _slap 'em._ The origami witch responsible for the counterfeiters' success had blue hair, orange eyes and a high collared black overcoat. Tracking her down had been the easy part. Archive made spotting the distribution pattern and tracking it back to the source a piece of cake…admittedly a very big, tough to chew piece of _stale_ cake… but damn it if it hadn't been the last part of that job that was easy.

I had more papercuts and puncture wounds than anyone should ever have courtesy of a swarm of paper butterflies that despite looking like they should be flimsy and harmless were as hard as steel and acted like a swarm of itty-bitty fighter jets. Natsu and Happy were trying to outfly an apparently fire proof origami dragon the size of a rhino that could apparently unfold itself into a giant razor sharp blade at speeds too fast to even see. The paper shield and sword she had summoned were letting her go toe to toe with Taurus effortlessly and I couldn't tell if she was just that strong and capable of turning into paper or if we were just fighting a magically animated paper… puppet…

I cursed as the thought occurred to me and spread my telepathy, trying to pinpoint our foe's real location.

Then time seemed to slow down and I whirled, not even needing my telepathy to spot her as I realized where she was…_ right behind Lucy with a javelin._

It wasn't even a conscious decision as I lashed out with my magic, the paper javelin disintegrated into powder along with every other piece of paper on the street and a fair deal of cloth and other things as well. I didn't get any flesh with it…I think…but about ninety five percent of everything else? _WHOOM_. Dust on the breeze.

I passed out immediately as pain lanced through my skull, but the last thing I saw was Lucy springing away from the flabbergasted and suddenly naked paper mage and Natsu springing at them. He was yelling something I think, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what.

…

…

I must've woken up pretty quick because I hadn't moved from the spot I'd been in and Lucy and Natsu were only just making it over to me. I felt like my head was a jar of pickle juice with the bass set to **BOOM**. I could see Lucy's lips moving as I forced myself back up onto my hands and knees, the ringing in my ears screaming as I shook my head, which felt like my brain sloshing around in the pickle juice.

I decided that trying to go anymore vertical was a bad idea and instead flopped over onto my side so I could roll onto my back, scrunching my eyes shut against the murderously bright sunlight. I'm not sure how long it took me to amp my ethernano intake, but once it did the pain went from "utterly intolerable" to just "horrid".

As the pain started to recede and the ringing in my ears with it, I was able to hear Lucy, Natsu and Happy freaking out. "Did we get 'er?" I forced out. I raised a hand, "Natsu…" Natsu took my meaning thankfully and a second later a disproportionately strong hand yanked me upright into a sitting position with another set of hands immediately steadying me.

The ringing in my ears flared up again and I tried to crank my ethernano intake higher, which was actually higher than I'd ever pushed it before. It worked and a few moments later I could hear, see and think again. I sat forward and put my head in my hands, "How long was I out?"

"About a minute," Lucy replied, "What _was _that? You turned half the street into dust! Is that the same thing you used on that mess the other day?!"

I nodded and Natsu exclaimed, "Didn't Gramps say to never use that and that it would send you into Magic Deficiency Syndrome?!"

"Unless it was that or see one of you die," I clarified, "That witch was right behind Lucy with a javelin. I overdid it big time, but I panicked. I'm glad it worked. I couldn't have shot her without hitting Lucy, and even if I teleported, there wouldn't have been any guarantee I could stop that javelin. You _did _tie her up right?" I asked as I cracked one eye and immediately felt my heart skip beats for the second time that afternoon as for the second time that afternoon I saw the paper witch standing behind one of my friends with something sharp and poised to strike.

I slammed Natsu to the side and suddenly the pain lanced through my head again. As I scrunched my eyes closed at the pain, there was a flash of light visible even through my eyelids and a sound of fist meeting flesh. Then again and again and again. It must've been one hell of a pummeling and then I heard Leo shout, "REGULUS… **_IMPACT!_**" There was a not inconsiderable explosion that set my ears ringing again.

When my hearing came back I heard Natsu ask Leo, "Dang Loke, I never thought I'd see _you _hit a girl."

Leo snorted, "Are you blind Natsu? Look at the Adam's Apple and fake boobs. That's a crossdresser. Totally fine to pummel."

"What's a crossdresser?"

"A dude dressed up like a lady! How do you not know what a crossdresser is?!" Leo exclaimed, "Anyway, I'd better get going. Every second I'm here is a drain on Jerry's magic. He's at like one percent of his usual magic levels. Take care of him for me will ya?" There was a flash of light as Leo dismissed himself and then the pain in my skull faded. My limbs still felt like rolls of wet felt, but I could think again.

"Natsu…Lucy…" I mumbled, "That was…that was way too close. We…we need to get stronger…"

**Next time! On ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_"__DONE!" I exclaimed happily as I set my pen down and slapped the final sheet over on the stack._

_Then I turned it over and straightened the stack before putting a fresh sheet on the top and scrawling in a rather fancy but still legible script, Pirates of the Caribbean. I was immediately glomped by Lucy and Levy who were clamoring for an opportunity to read it. I hissed as I felt my still healing ribs creak and they both immediately let go and apologized. _

_I winced as my ribs reluctantly pulled back to where they were supposed to be, "Okay. Now that my bones have re-cracked…who wants to read about them that sail under the skull and crossbones first?"_

_Before Levy and Lucy could begin to argue over who got to read it first, Jet burst in through the door, "__**HEADS UP! ERZA'S HEADED THIS WAY!**__"_


	9. Ch9: Erza

**AN:** _For all my beloved readers in the Eastern Hemisphere, Happy Friday! For everybody on my side of the planet, SURPRISE! :D_

_And now, reviewer replies!_

**_GrayWolfDen: _**_Yes indeed things are moving fast and staying exciting! Believe it or not, the mission to take down the Red Ravens Rogue's Guild was on July 8th, only six days after Hargeon. The counterfeiter hunt in the last chapter was on July 11th, three days later. So yeah, busybusybusy! Mira wasn't kidding last chapter when she said Natsu'd rake in more for the guild than anyone barring maybe the S-Class if he wasn't so destructive. Natsu strikes me as one of those guys who just CANNOT SIT STILL, so he's always on some job or other, besides, with his debt (which will be addressed more later) he really can't afford to NOT be working his ass off. In case anyone's wondering, this is actually all keeping as close as I can to the canon Fairy Tail timeline with the handful of dates I've actually been able to find._

**_Reptil:_**_Yes, currently Jerry's biggest weakness is the fact that he's from our world and therefore has incredibly low reserves of magic. Since magic's not a thing here, Jerry's body hasn't adapted to absorb ethernano at anywhere near the rate a native of Earthland does. Whether or not his body could handle more power if he had a way to get more remains to be seen. As for his first novel, I (and by extension Jerry) actually do have a VERY good reason why Pirates of the Caribbean over Harry Potter. The reason is simple: Much of Harry Potter falls straight apart if there are no Muggles and non-magic society, which in Fiore there aren't. So it would actually require __**vastly **__more work and alteration to make Harry Potter work for natives of Earthland due to the need to introduce the idea of an entire dominant magic free society, as opposed to Pirates of the Caribbean, which already has magic in the form of the curse on the Aztec gold. Pirates of the Caribbean would only need a small handful of tweaks to work for the audiences in Fiore, whereas Harry Potter would require either a complete overhaul or a vast amount of world building. Thank you once again for your kind words and support, I hope I was able to satisfy your curiosity. :D_

_**AnimeMyWorld:**__I'm so glad you're enjoying, welcome to the party! :D Yes I think of all the ladies of Fairy Tail, I would probably fall for Mira the easiest, and therefore a romance with her is easiest to write. However it should be noted that Mira is still quite insistent that they are __**NOT**__ in a committed relationship. This is important, and there is a reason for it. Whether or not she'll change her mind as the story goes on...we'll just have to wait and see, but rest assured that if the fire Jerry and Mira have got between growing between them ever does burn out, it's going to burn a lot higher and a lot hotter before it does._

**_Me (guest): _**_Glad to see you back and__very glad you're enjoying. I'm glad you brought this up because it is an important question. Yes, anyone can learn any type of magic. This is actually even shown in canon with Ultear learning Arc of Time from a book and Sherria Blendy learning Sky God Slayer magic from another book. __**HOWEVER**__ there are other factors that play into how well a person can use different types of magic. For example, if a person tries to learn and use a magic which is completely counter to their personality, then it won't be as strong as it would for someone whose magic manifested that way naturally. So for example even if Gray wanted to, he could probably never beat Natsu at Fire Magic even if they were otherwise exact equals just due to their differences in nature and upbringing, but likewise Natsu could never out-Ice Gray. Emotional, psychological, environmental and genetic factors all play a roll in determining what kind of magic a person can use, and most wizards choose a certain type to specialize in, which they then take to greater heights than a person who doesn't could ever hope to. There are some highly exceptional few however who can learn multiple types of magic and use them with the same fearsome proficiency as all but the strongest of those who choose to specialize. It's highly implied that Fairy Tail's S-Class can all use multiple types of magic along with several major antagonists, but those people are almost all S-Class strength or greater, and even they usually have their go-to magic that they feel the most comfortable using. So for example Jerry will almost certainly never be as good at Ice magic as Gray or be able to do with Fire magic what Natsu or even Macao and Romeo can since they're specialists, but that doesn't mean he can't use fire magic at all. He just doesn't know how (yet)._

_And now...the moment you've all been waiting for..._

**Chapter 9 – Erza**

It was slow going on the way back that evening to say the least. The sun was well on its way towards the horizon by the time we ran down the last of the counterfeiters and handed them over to the local guard. I'd forced myself to keep going and used my telepathy to help Natsu pinpoint the fleeing rats while Lucy watched my back and in short order we'd finished. Rare indeed is the person who can outrun a dive bombing Happy carrying a payload of Goomba-Stomping Natsu.

I've never been happier for the purple boar cart taxis to exist because I could barely put one foot in front of the other. It was only my stubborn pride that kept me from falling flat on my face and having to get Natsu and Lucy to help me walk. They were clearly worried and I felt a little bad about it, but I footed the bill to get us back, so I think it evened out. Normally Lucy and I would fly on my Card-car and Happy would carry Natsu to wherever we were going. With Happy being exhausted from toting Natsu around for their aerial battle and both of them tired from chasing down the remaining counterfeiters, Natsu was actually almost ready to try my Card-car. If only I'd still had enough fuel in my own tank to actually use it!

"Sorry Natsu," I groaned as I flopped back onto the bench in the side of the wagon, "I don't think I'm gonna be flyin' anybody anywhere for at least a few hours yet."

"Nah, don't be," Natsu grimaced as he climbed in, "Lucy got me a bucket and I haven't eaten anything today, so maybe it won't be as bad as…_hrk…_" he immediately hung his head over the bucket between his feet and proved that even 'not as bad' was still not 'good'.

"What's wrong with those two?" the cab driver asked Lucy over his shoulder.

"Well Jerry pushed himself way too hard today and Natsu just gets motion sick," Lucy explained, "He says it's a Dragon Slayer thing."

"Dragon Slayer huh? I didn't know there were any of those still around," the driver mused, "but anyway, where y'all headed to this evening?"

"We live in Magnolia."

The driver pinched the bridge of his nose, "Hooo…that's a ways off ya know? It's a six hour ride, so with it being this late already, we probably won't make it tonight, and we'd be getting there in the middle of the night even if we did. There's a good inn at Balsam Village. That's about halfway to Magnolia. Would that be alright?"

"Sooner we stop the bett_urrr…_" Natsu almost managed to finish a sentence.

I dug in my pocket and yanked out a card to hand to Lucy, "Sounds good to me. Lucy, would you call Gramps and let him know we won't be in until tomorrow? I think I'll be able to fly by then."

Lucy nodded and paid the driver before looking back at me as we rolled on, "How's this work?"

"Push your magic into it to energize it, it'll link you straight to him," I explained before smiling thinly, "Cana showed me how to do that a few days ago."

Lucy did and a moment later Master picked up, "Hello? Is that you Jerry? Everyone alright over there?"

"It's actually Lucy right now," Lucy clarified, "Yeah everyone's fine but those counterfeiters put up a way better fight than we were expecting. Jerry's totally worn out and doesn't trust himself to fly us, so we're coming back by wagon. We're going to spend the night in Balsam Village, but we should make it back sometime tomorrow."

"Nobody's hurt right?" Master asked worriedly.

"It was close, but we're all fine," I forced out, "Need…" I yawned, "Need to sleep…Hey guys, would you wake me up when we get there?" I didn't hear their answer as my eyes slid shut. It had been a _long_ day.

…

…

I slept for twenty hours straight and still felt like I hadn't slept a wink. I woke up starving and if I hadn't been slumped over the counter at the Guild Hall where Master and Mira could keep an eye on me, I probably would've gone right back to sleep hungry. I had to push myself upright and support myself on the bar with my elbows to blearily eat the sandwich Mira slid in front of me a few minutes after realizing I was awake.

If I hadn't been so tired that I was having to force myself to concentrate in order to chew, I probably would've scarfed it down like every bit the starving man I felt like. It was delicious. The taste didn't overstay its welcome, it wasn't overpowering, so even though I was having to chew slow, it was still perfect. Mira got it exactly right, the peppers she'd thrown in even woke me up enough to talk a little.

Master asked how my head was and explained that once the throbbing headache faded it meant I was recovering. If my head was still throbbing then it meant I was still in the absolute red danger zone for my magic power and that if I had that sort of headache due to magic exhaustion then it meant every second I used magic I was creeping closer to tapping into my own life force. "It can shave years off your life, but if your head's not still hurting then you're probably alright. However, you definitely pushed yourself much too far this time. Anytime you still feel this bad after a full night's sleep, you definitely pushed yourself too far."

I nodded weakly, my head felt way too full of cotton to even consider arguing that it had been necessary. Besides, I'm sure he knew or he would've been a lot more upset about it. "Plan better, fight smarter, you got it Gramps heoooh…" **WHUMP.** …Aaand I was back out like a light.

…

…

A few days of hanging out around the guild and two nights of sleeping in my own bed later I was fully recovered, so I looked across the bar at Mira, "Hey Mira, is there anywhere good around town that I can practice my magic without having to worry about blowing things up or starting an all-out brawl? You know, just a quiet place without a lot of people? The brawls are good for practice with tried and true, but I want some quiet so that I can experiment in peace."

Mira thought about it and then shook her head, "Sorry Jerry, your best bet's probably out in the forest. Anywhere in town there's something to break, and if you try to practice here then you'll have a brawl on your hands almost immediately." She nodded her head off to the right, "If you head over out that side of town, the other side of the mountain is pretty clear and nobody really goes back there, so you might be able to find some privacy back there."

I nodded with a grin, "Thanks Mira. I'll head over there right now. See you…when I see you! Probably this evening, but it may be tomorrow if I really lose track of the time."

Mirajane sighed with a little smile, "Have fun! See you next time."

I teleported across the room and out the door, threw down a card and up I went. I flew off in the direction Mira had pointed me in and with the bird's eye view I was quickly able to find a clearing on the backside of the mountain. I exhaled as I landed and then started looking around for a decent sized boulder to sit on.

I was quickly able to find one and I sat down on it cross legged. I amped my ethernano intake as high as I could. I figured I was probably already running on a full tank, but I was out here to find out just how much power my "full tank" actually contained, and after having been on the business end of magic exhaustion once, I had no desire at all to run face first into it again, especially in a situation where it could get me and/or my friends killed.

_Being helpless to save_…NO. **NO.** **_NO._** I smacked myself in the sides of the head to silence that line of thought before it could get going, _Quit crying over milk long spilled! She's in a better place and we __**are not thinking about her right now**__._ _Focus on the magic! I need a knockback attack._

I extended my hands and gathered my power in my palms, "_WAVE._" The resulting burst of telekinetic force was enough to whip up a large cloud of dust, almost like an immense burst of wind. I frowned, not strong enough. I slid into irritation, _"__WAVE."_ This time there was a large expanse of freshly exposed dirt all around me as my wave ripped up the top layer of earth and windrowed it at the edge of where my wave petered out.

I rose, _better. It should work well when I'm in battle as a way to get some room. Now for direct damage…_ I extended my fingers into a gun and aimed at the ground, willing both my telekinesis and my explosive light magic into my hands as I drew upon the pointless rage that always simmered in the dark places of my soul and curled it into a fist that would crush everything in its path, _"__SHATTER."_

What followed can only be termed an _explosion._ It was like what my Wave had done except concentrated into a cone that started at about a foot wide and widened to almost as wide as my Wave had been, but it went a lot further and had a much more dramatic effect. With a flash of light and a sound like a thunderclap, the ground did exactly as I had instructed it and _shattered_. No, it didn't just shatter, it _erupted_, was blasted into a zillion little pieces and flung away from me.

I gaped at the line of destruction left in wake of my spell. Then I grinned, _"__Aaaaawesoooome…_" Then my grin turned to mischief and wickedness as I curled my fingers into a fist. I pulled back and as I slammed my fist into the ground, high as a kite on my power with my emotions howling like a roaring bonfire while my magic blazed around my fist, I roared the first word that popped into my head with mad glee, "**_CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!_**"

For a split second, nothing happened. Then the entire mountainside exploded under me.

…

…

I hadn't _quite _buried myself under the entire mountain, but even the tenth I'd upturned on top of myself was enough that if Virgo hadn't beaten the rest of the guild to the scene, coming through the gate on her own power and immediately used her burrowing magic to stop the avalanche's worth of earth from crushing me completely instead of just that one boulder hitting me a glancing blow, I would almost certainly have died.

When I woke up, I was in a hut in the forest being overseen by an old pink haired woman who bore a stunning resemblance to a certain kunoichi from Konoha's Squad 7. It tripped me out enough that I momentarily wondered if I had changed dimensions again, then I realized Mira was holding my hand, passed out with her head down on the side of the bed. I gently rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, about the only part of me I had enough energy to move.

The pink haired lady turned around and saw my eyes open and immediately began to question me about just what the hell happened. I told her and she immediately scolded me for being a typical Fairy Tail idiot. All I could do was smile, which quite threw her off her game.

"What the hell are you smiling about?!" she demanded, "You've got a dozen broken ribs, a shattered collarbone, a concussion, half your face scraped off _and_ we had to put your knee and right shoulder back in their sockets on top of all the cuts, bruises and scrapes full of dirt! We had to shave your head to get to half the cuts on your scalp and stitch them shut, your teeth were knocked half out and I was only just barely able to fix them, and with the amount of flesh missing off your face you may be permanently disfigured! On top of all that whatever you did drove you right to the edge of complete magic exhaustion and Magic Deficiency Syndrome! You're lucky to be alive! If that Celestial Spirit of yours hadn't come through the portal on her own to dig you out, you'd be dead! Dead, dead, dead as a doornail! Even with that in mind you must be insanely durable to have survived that!"

I looked down at Mira and exhaled, "I am lucky. Battered and bruised, but alive and a proud wizard of Fairy Tail, apparently a much more powerful wizard than I would ever have guessed at that. I have two wonderful partners in Leo and Virgo…The most beautiful woman I've ever met cares about me enough to be here holding my hand when I wake up…and I've got one hell of a good doctor who apparently knows her painkillers _very_ well since all I feel is exhausted."

The old woman, Porlyusica, stalked over and immediately began checking me over. Her eyes got wider and wider and after a moment she crossed her arms and gave me a stern look. "You might not be hurting, but don't think for an instant that that means you're healed. You're still in nearly as bad a shape as you were when they brought you in. I'm keeping you here for observation for another day and then I want you to spend at least three days resting. No strenuous activity for at least two weeks, and no fighting or shenanigans for a month unless you want to lose any progress your bones have made towards healing."

I nodded and frowned slightly, "Will I be able to use my magic?" Porlyusica thought about it, "What kind of magic do you use and what will you be using it for?"

I twitched my face slightly and summoned my cards from out of the pocket I kept them in and had them shuffle themselves. Porlyusica flicked me between the eyes and told me to quit using what little magic I had recovered, so I let them drop. "I have telekinetic magic, a basic grasp of transformation, a magic that's a combination of telekinetic and transformation which lets me reduce anything to dust at the cost of exhausting myself, teleportation, a memory magic called Archive that also grants me telepathy, and light magic. I also unlocked some new form of magic that I didn't know I could do by combining my telekinetic and light magic."

Porlyusica frowned, "Is that what you buried yourself with?"

I winced out a small grimace, "Yeah. I know, no using that for sure."

"Most definitely not," Porlyusica declared firmly, "I don't see any problems with the telekinesis so long as you don't over exert yourself, and the Archive magic should be harmless, but try to lay off the teleportation and light magic. Teleportation will take a lot of energy that you need to be devoting to healing and I'm guessing you use explosive light magic?" I nodded and she ordered me to not use _that_ under any circumstances, "The last thing your body needs in this state is more explosions and things falling on you. I hope I don't have to tell you that the one you actually admitted exhausts you is as completely out of the question as the one you buried yourself with. You would probably be better off completely forgetting those two."

I smiled weakly, "Pity. That Crash magic was pretty awesome…" Porlyusica said something that sounded really shocked, but I didn't hear her, my consciousness was fading very quickly.

…

…

A week later, I was sitting at a barstool while I wrote, my hand flying across the paper. Even though I could remember every book and movie I'd ever seen word for word and picture them all perfectly, translating all that into paper and print still took a lot of time (especially since I had to do all the descriptions in addition to the dialogue, it was amazing how much of the paper and ink was devoted to setting the scenes). Now though, I was al…most… "_DONE!" _I exclaimed happily as I set my pen down and slapped the final sheet over on the stack.

Then I turned it over and straightened the stack before putting a fresh sheet on the top and scrawling in a rather fancy but still legible script, _Pirates of the Caribbean._ I was immediately glomped by Lucy and Levy who were clamoring for an opportunity to read it. I hissed as I felt my still healing ribs creak and they both immediately let go and apologized.

I winced as my ribs reluctantly pulled back to where they were supposed to be, "Okay. Now that my bones have re-cracked…who wants to read about them that sail under the skull and crossbones first?"

Before Levy and Lucy could begin to argue over who got to read it first, Jet burst in through the door, "HEADS UP! ERZA'S HEADED THIS WAY!"

From the way everyone in the guild except me, Mirajane and Lucy _froze_, you'd think he'd said the apocalypse was on its way. Levy was far from the only one who looked very much like a deer in the headlights for a second, then she seemed to remember that she was probably the sweetest and most peaceful person in the guild aside from Mira and Lucy, and she relaxed. Cana started drinking faster, Gray and Natsu stopped fighting and actually _hugged each other_ (god I wished I had a camera!) and everyone in the room broke out into a cold sweat. I swiveled in my seat with a wince, "So I'm finally gonna get to meet the infamous Erza Scarlet huh?"

Clanking footsteps filled the unnatural silence and echoed through the guild hall. "That's gotta be her," one girl whispered. "Those sound like her footsteps…" Wakaba the chain smoker muttered around his pipe. "Even the air's gone completely still…" Natsu's purple haired buddy Macao breathed in terror.

A massive form appeared, silhouetted in the doorway. I tilted my head curiously and then my eyes widened as she strode in. She set down the massive…_thing_ she was carrying and it was apparently every bit as heavy as it looked because the crash it made as it hit the ground was comparable to a table being smashed to splinters. That was a sound I had become way too familiar with since joining Fairy Tail. It was then that I got my first good look at her. "Wow she's pretty…" Lucy muttered.

_Pretty?_ I thought to myself, _She's as hot as Mirajane! I see what Leo meant about her being beautiful like a dragoness…_ Erza's hair was straight as opposed to Mirajane's curls and it fell down past her shoulders like a sheet of pure scarlet silk. Yeah, _scarlet_, mere 'red' didn't do that vibrant shade justice. Her eyes were so intense that even from across the room they were hard to meet, but hooboy was the view _worth it!_ Erza had very regal features and carried herself with unshakeable confidence and pride. I'd heard her hyped as the Queen of the Fairies, and now that I got a look at her, I was _fully_ prepared to believe the hype. She _looked_ like a queen, and one glance at the armor and the steel in her eyes was all the proof anyone would need that she could and _would_ cheerfully take on and DISMANTLE any and all challengers. Having every hair on my body stand on end just from being in the same room with the amount of magic power that she casually radiated was a bit of a telltale sign too.

"I have returned." She declared, "Where is Master Makarov?" Erza's voice _fit_ with the aura of power that surrounded her. It was resonant, a smooth tone of authority and control that wouldn't sound at all out of place commanding an army or bringing a court of squabbling nobles to heel. _I see how she got the title,_ I mused as my eyes flickered around and I saw that everyone was waiting on her every word with baited breath. This was a woman whose opinion and power could shake everyone in the room. The only person I'd seen command that kind of respect out of Fairy Tail was Master Makarov, and _he_ turned into a giant when he was annoyed.

"Welcome back Erza," Mira chirped, "Master's at a conference right now."

Erza nodded crisply, "I see."

Someone, Max I think, asked her what the big thing she had carried in on her shoulder was. "It's the horn of a monster I defeated," she explained, "The locals were so thankful that they decorated it and gave it to me as a souvenir. _Do you have a problem with it?"_ The guy who'd asked as well as the guy next to him immediately squawked very politely that they had no problem with it at all in a tone that heavily implied they'd nearly peed their pants at the mere _thought_ of Erza being angry with them.

"Bet she's heard about what happened at Mt. Hakabe…" Cana muttered around her barrel of beer to Macao. "You think so?" Macao whispered back nervously, "Oh man I'm a goner..."

Then Erza's gaze turned extra fierce as she turned to face the guild as a whole and raised her voice ever so slightly. In the silence her presence had invoked, it was all that was needed, "_Now listen up._ While I was on the road I heard a few things. Word is that Fairy Tail is causing nothing but trouble as of late. Master Makarov may not care, but _I_ most certainly do. Cana…" she near snarled in a voice that made everyone's favorite topless drunk flinch, "You need to start controlling your drinking. _Vijeeter,_ please take the dancing outside. Wakaba, _get rid of that filthy habit. _Nab, I suspected I'd find you dawdling at the request board, _JUST PICK A JOB._ Macao…" she sighed and was quiet for a moment, which was apparently worse for Macao than being snapped at. Erza put a gauntleted hand to her forehead, "I don't even know where to _begin _with you. You cause so much trouble, I've almost given up…"

"Wow, she's really tearing into everybody…" Lucy whispered, "It's like she's taking over!" Happy muttered that that was just how Erza was and Lucy grumbled, "Even if she is kinda bossy, she's still saner than anyone else here, I don't understand why everyone's so afraid of her." I looked at her flatly and thought, _You clearly aren't very good at sensing power. That woman could take Natsu and Gray at the same time and probably not break a sweat._

Lucy's eyes bugged out slightly and I realized I must have transmitted that without meaning to. I nodded and turned my attention back to Erza, and much more interestingly to Natsu and Gray who were still hugging each other and drenched in a cold sweat as Erza's attention fell upon them. Gray muttered something in reply to Erza's subtle insinuation that maybe he and Natsu had been quarreling and Natsu squeaked, "AYE!"

"Why is Natsu talking like Happy?!" Lucy exclaimed. I guess it hit her right about then that Erza really _was_ a terrible force to be reckoned with.

"He's scared," Mira explained with a grin as she quickly doodled a picture of Erza kicking the crap out of Natsu in the air with a light pen, "A few years ago he challenged Erza to a fight and she beat him up pretty badly."

"Then she caught Gray wandering around naked and decided to beat him up too," Macao added.

Cana chimed in, her barrel now nowhere to be seen and replaced with a small mug that I knew she'd drain in five minutes or less, "Don't forget when she beat up Loke for trying to hit on her. He totally deserved it though." I grimaced, Leo should've known better than that.

Then Erza spoke again, "Natsu, Gray, I need the two of you to do me a favor. While I was traveling, I overheard something that has me worried. Normally I'd consult the Master before taking action, but he's not here and this is a matter of utmost urgency. The two of you are the strongest wizards here. I could really use your help." _That _got a reaction. The whole guild immediately started whispering and muttering to each other, wondering if that really just happened.

"We'll meet at the train station tomorrow morning," she declared without waiting for them to agree. Of course, judging from how scared they obviously were of her, I suppose she wasn't wrong to assume they'd never dare tell her no.

"Erza, Natsu and Gray working together?" Mira said quietly, "I never saw that one coming. This might just be the strongest team Fairy Tail's ever seen!" I glanced at her and nodded, from what I'd seen of the guild, that was probably true.

Then I turned back to the scene before me, "Erza." Erza turned to me and the whole guild froze, "Yes? I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."

I nodded, "We haven't, I only joined a few weeks ago. I'm Jerry Granger, this is Lucy. We're Natsu's teammates. If you're not too opposed to it, I'd like to join you three. It would be wrong to let my teammate go and not try to help however I can."

Erza eyed me carefully, "While I appreciate the help, are you sure you can fight with those injuries?"

Mirajane chuckled, "Oh that's right, you haven't heard yet." Erza looked up at her, "Heard what?"

I could tell from Mirajane's voice as she laid her hand on my good shoulder that she was smiling, "Think of Jerry as about ten percent of a Gildarts with Levy's brains. He only looks like this because he knocked down half a mountain on top of himself while he was practicing the other day. Porlyusica didn't ban him from using his magic, so he can still fight even if he's only got one good arm, _and_ he's got two Celestial Spirits working for him, one of which is actually Loke, who's stronger now than he's ever been. So you're really getting at least two for the price of one with Jerry."

Erza's eyes widened slightly and then she smiled, "Well then. I'm certain you'll make a fine addition to the team, welcome aboard." Then her brow furrowed, "And what do you mean Loke's a celestial spirit?"

I could tell Mira was grinning, "Oh we have got _so much _to catch up on. Come on sit down, I'll tell you all about everything that's been going on." She then led Erza down to the other end of the bar and they immediately put their heads together and started whispering back and forth to each other. Levy grinned and slid off down to the other end of the bar to join them.

I was _not_ oblivious to the glances and mischievous giggles sent my way. "I have the distinct feeling that I am a topic of conversation," I muttered to Lucy. "You're dating Mirajane," Lucy replied, "She's a celebrity. I'm surprised you don't have the paparazzi chasing you yet." I raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"You know she models in Sorcerer Weekly right?" Lucy asked skeptically, "That's like one of the most widely read magazines in Fiore, and she is a _very _regular centerfold."

I did indeed know that Mira was a model and centerfold. I had half a dozen magazines in my nightstand drawer to prove it. Mira was aware of them as I'd actually still had one lying on the bed when she helped me home after leaving Porlyusica's, and she had been quite flattered. Then she had pulled me in for a picture the next day and that picture was now on top of the nightstand right next to the lamp. Again, she was aware and thought it was very sweet.

It was right about then that I became aware of Cana sitting next to me. "Hey Cana," I smiled, "What's up?"

"So, I know you brought down half a mountain on yourself, but nobody's told me exactly how you did it yet," Cana said so quietly that I knew nobody but me and maybe Natsu could hear her, "Mira just said to think of you as ten percent of Gildarts. What did she mean by that?"

_Then _I realized what she wanted. Mirajane had explained to me after I woke up the second time that the magic I had brought down the mountain with, Crash, was the signature magic of Fairy Tail's strongest wizard and ace in the hole, Gildarts Clive. Gildarts was supremely popular within the guild, an absolute hero, and possibly the strongest wizard in the country since his power was as great or greater than Master Makarov's (Makarov was apparently recognized as around number 5 for the whole continent). From what I understood, Gildarts was basically Fairy Tail's personal Superman.

Now that I thought about it, there would almost certainly be some people who wouldn't be pleased at the thought of me having their ace's signature magic. "You're asking about the fact that I can use Crash magic," I said quietly.

Cana's grip on her mug tightened and her expression turned very dark. "That's what I thought she said," Cana muttered icily as she went to get up. The emotional turmoil and upset screamed through my limited telepathy with such anguished volume that there was absolutely no mistaking it.

I snapped my good hand out and caught her shoulder, "Cana, I can hear the pain in your heart loud and clear. What's wrong?" Cana froze and the volume of her pain skyrocketed, the spillover making it suddenly and abundantly clear just _exactly_ what was wrong. My hand dropped along with my jaw as my eyes popped wide and my mouth made a little 'O'. It suddenly made _perfect_ sense why she was upset. "Oh my god I am so sorry Cana…"

Cana tensed and suddenly whirled, grabbed me by the front of my cape and got right up in my face with a death glare and a tone to match, "Don't you dare say a word about this to anyone, and don't ever speak to me again." The look in those purple eyes promised nothing but imminent pain and death if I tried to argue.

I took as deep a breath as my broken ribs would allow, _I can't leave her like this._ There are some things you just _know_. This was one of them. Without warning, my hand snapped up to the side of her head, "Hold still."

Cana's eyes went wide as the data transfer began in a cloud of gold bars that quickly faded towards blue. Cana's breath hitched as she realized what I was doing and I got the full blast of her troubled past in exchange for the knowledge I was giving her. It almost brought tears to my eyes. A moment later it was done, and I lowered my hand and gaze as I turned back to where I had been writing my book before Erza came in, "I'm sorry Cana. I hope that will help you find what you're looking for."

Cana straightened up and was quiet for a moment. I couldn't meet her gaze, but I could see her trembling ever so slightly out the corner of my eye. Then she wrapped my head in a gentle hug and the new Crash mage whispered, "Thank you…" I felt something warm and wet on the bandages wrapped around my head and then she hurried out of the guild.

I was acutely aware that the entire guild was staring at me. I looked over my shoulder at them, "It's her business not yours, keep your noses out of it or I'll help her push them in for you."

When I turned back around, Mirajane was in front of me, her chin propped on her hands as she gave me a very sweet and enticing smile, "So, makin' moves on Cana? Careful, I might get jealous." She was teasing me I knew it, but she was also trying to get me to spill whatever secret I had just learned.

I looked her dead in the eye and linked our minds for a moment, _Mira, I trust you with my life. I think you know that. Please trust ME when I tell you that what I just learned is something that nobody but Cana has any business knowing until she's ready to tell them herself. If I knew how, I'd already be wiping it from my own memory to preserve her privacy on this. I don't want to refuse you anything, but on this matter I will keep my silence, so please, __don't ask__._

Then out loud I declared, "And _NO_ I am not making moves on Cana! Nor is it the other way around, so _Gray stop shootin' me the stink-eye!_" I grinned as the stripping ice wizard flinched and denied that he had been doing any such thing.

I shot a wink at Mirajane and she immediately took the hint. She sighed with a smile as she straightened up and spread her hands in a 'what can you do?' gesture as she declared in a carrying voice, "What a shame! Why does my boyfriend have to be so noble and loyal that he can't look at another woman even if I suggest a threesome? I guess it's a good thing I love how sweet you are huh Jerry?"

She winked at me with her cutest teasing grin as the entire guild began to whoop, whistle and holler catcalls, and I obliged her by pretending to faint for a moment with hearts in my eyes. It wasn't hard, even if she was joking, didn't mean it at all and was just helping me distract everybody from the scene that me and Cana had just made, that Mirajane had thought of that at all was pretty dang hot. It would definitely be happening in at least one dream, but I know she knew that already.

After that, Mira went back to her gossip session. Lucy peeked at me over the top of my rendition of _Pirates of the Carribean_ (which she had swiped to read when Levy went to join the gossip session at the other end of the bar) with a grin, "You know, it is _totally_ adorable how you two can just read each other to play off one another like that right? You didn't even use your telepathy after you had that little silent conversation did you? Don't worry, I'm not going to ask. Some people have secrets they don't want getting out and it's not fair to them to be prying into it."

I blinked at her and then smiled, "I'm glad you're sensible enough to balance out Natsu."

Lucy blushed and shrank behind the cover of the book a little. She was quiet for a moment and then, "So uh…are you and Mirajane…I…don't _think_ I've ever seen her spend the night except for right after you got back from the doctor and couldn't really move around so well on your own, but…"

I grinned, "Why Lucy, a gentleman never kisses and tells!" Lucy raised an eyebrow, clearly thinking about the day I'd bought our apartment building. More specifically she was thinking about how Mira and I had had absolutely no problem with making out in front of her, and how I'd been so blunt about my desire to make out with her too. My grin widened, "I will say she's amazing though."

Lucy huffed slightly and went back to reading with a little grin still playing about her lips.

**Next time! On _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_We strolled into the train station on our guard and found Eisenwald waiting for us in the lobby. It looked like the entire guild was there, the numbers were probably at least ten to one in their favor. At the front was a shirtless guy with white hair in a goofy do cross between "cockatoo" and "combover" with a scythe, a flute and wearing a robe like the bottom half of a dress. Goofy do in the dress was apparently Erigor the Reaper._

_ He immediately embarked on a very long winded speech about unfairness and the lost rights of his guild. He was able to fly, which Lucy and Gray quickly chalked up to wind magic. He alighted on top of a speaker pole when Erza asked what he was planning, "What do all train stations have?"_

_ "Speakers and a PA system, which makes it a good thing our friend is currently cutting all the wires in the control room doesn't it?" I declared with a smug little grin (not actually a lie! Cancer actually was currently heading straight for the control room), "Nice try Airhead, but your evil plan was a little obvious there. Also what was your name again? Very Boring? It seems rather fitting. You're quite the talker aren't you?" Erigor flinched at the blow to his ego and then colored up with fury as I blew a bubble with my gum and popped it with a bored expression in his direction, "We gonna do this thing or what?" _


	10. Ch10: Evil Genius

**AN:** _As always, Reviewer Replies! :D_

**_Reptil: _**_Right you are! Cana will indeed take to Crash magic like a duck to water because it is in fact in her genes. Remember in a previous reply I mentioned that genetics had a role in determining a person's magic? This is an example of that. As for how bad Jerry messed himself up, no permanent damage due in large part to Porlyusica's healing and the fact that he's a lot tougher in Earthland due to the presence of Ethernano and the effects that has on human physiology. He'll be back to normal in about a month, although it will take a bit longer for his hair to grow back properly since it isn't faring so well against the sticky on the bandages, and Porlyusica actually has a temporary hair growth inhibitor in the healing salves she gave Jerry for his head to keep from having hair in her way when she checks his stitches. It'll grow back normally once Jerry stops using the salve, but until then he's totally bald under those bandages. As for his magic, no giant light avatar, no logia body, and the closest thing he can get to a clone is more like a Shadow Clone. You know that semi-solid thought projection thing Jellal can do? Jerry can learn how to do that, although whether he will or not even I'm not sure yet. As for Light being his main magic affinity or something deeper, the answer is yes._

**_Raidentensho: _**_He will advance his Celestial Magic to that level eventually, but he might not use it the way Lucy does in canon due to things which will be explained in this chapter. As for Saint Seiya, can't say I've ever seen it, but the designs would be different because the pictures I found of the Gold Cloths honestly all look kinda the same to me when activated. I'm sure they're very interesting and unique in universe, but I'd have to mix it up more and tailor them to the spirits as they are in Fairy Tail. And yes, if Erza thought there was a special armor that could only be accessed by having a Celestial Spirit, she'd probably go find herself some Gate Keys. Yes, more than one because we all know that deep down Erza is an absolute hoarder._

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_Correct! I update on Fridays barring exceptional circumstances such as: I fall asleep as soon as I get home from work and don't wake up til the next day, there's a holiday so I update on Thursday, or I just feel like updating on Thursday. Basically Jerry and Mira are currently friends with benefits although they have yet to get friendly enough for any benefits beyond an occasional kiss/make out session. She likes him and he likes her, but neither of them are ready for a committed relationship. They're still feeling each other out. Yes he will be able to learn more Crash magic, but due to how much of his power it wipes out, and how much it upset Cana, he may prefer to explore other avenues._

**_And now, without further ado..._**

**Chapter 10 – Evil Genius**

**…**

**…**

That night as Lucy and I walked home, Lucy looked over at me, uncharacteristically serious, "Level with me Jerry. Can you actually fight with the shape you're in?"

I was quiet for a moment, "I'll do whatever's needed."

"Even if it kills you?" Lucy asked sharply, "You know nobody would ask that of you."

I chuckled and slid my gaze over to her, "What brought this on?"

"What brought this on?! You got _buried alive!_" Lucy exclaimed, "I was there when we got you to Ms. Porlyusica! I saw what your body looked like! _I know you're not healed!_"

I was quiet for a moment, "You're right. I'm nothing like healed. If it comes down to a fist fight, I'll be at a glaring disadvantage. I'm not as strong as Natsu or Gray. Everything on the right side of my body is going to be a major weak point, and with my ribs like this I'm not sure how agile I can really be. In all honesty, I wasn't planning to go out again for at least a few more weeks, it's not like I need the money after all."

"So why?" Lucy demanded, "Why push yourself like this?!"

"Because whatever Erza's on to, it's BIG," I declared grimly as I looked at my one good hand, "You've seen how Natsu and Gray are. You know as well as I do that putting them in the same room is asking for trouble, and you know what they're capable of. What does it tell you about how bad things are that Erza _specifically asked _for those two to be _on the same team?_"

Lucy's stride faltered for a moment and I nodded, "Exactly. Something's got Erza spooked, and anything that can spook a wizard that powerful badly enough to get reinforcements from _those two_, especially at the same time, is something that they need every ounce of power they can get in order to deal with. Even if I can't fight as well as normal, I can still summon Leo and Virgo. I can still use my cards, were you on the Everlue job? No, no that's right…I went with Team Shadowgear on that one...yeah, I've gotten a lot better with them...My Archive will grant us a huge edge in coordination, and if this big brain of mine can contribute anything at all, I won't feel right unless I do."

"Besides," I added in a slightly more upbeat tone, "Natsu's our teammate. We can't just let him go haring off on his own without us! On top of that," I grimaced, "What if Erza decides she likes having those two for backup and is actually capable of controlling them? If we don't get on that team _now_, at its conception, then we might lose our big gun. I don't know about you, but I _like _the balance our team's got. How many times would we have died now if we _hadn't _had our favorite fire munching idiot? I can think of at least two or three times I owe him for. I can't just ignore that and not back him up when he's probably going to need it."

Lucy was quiet for a moment, "But what if you get hurt?"

I gestured at the bandages around my head and arm in the sling, "Not like it's never happened before. I'll survive and if I don't then that's as far as I was meant to go." I smiled, "These last few weeks have been absolute Heaven for me, if the price I gotta pay for that is my life to do what's right…" I shrugged, "So be it."

"How can you be so casual about this?!" Lucy exploded, "You're my friend! One of the first friends I've ever had aside from my Celestial Spirits! I don't want to see you get hurt!"

I paused and looked at her quietly for a moment. Then I reached out an arm with a smile, "Come here."

"W-what?"

"I'm a hugger," I declared with a grin, "You need a hug!"

"I DO NOT NEED A- oh wow that is a good hug…" Lucy's tirade fizzled out the instant I wrapped my arm around her. The faint pulse of magic I was putting out to calm her down certainly didn't hurt. I think I might've overdid it a little because she almost turned into a boneless mass of relieved jelly as she returned my hug.

"I'm not going to die Lucy," I told her quietly, "We've got Natsu, Erza, Gray, all our spirits, and each other. If you're going to worry about anyone…" I stepped back and winked at her with my best grin, "Then worry about whoever Erza's aiming us at. They're going to have a _very _bad day tomorrow."

Lucy grinned, "Yeah, you're right. Just…promise me you'll be careful alright?"

"I'll be _effective,_" I hedged, "Best defense is a good offense and all that."

Lucy gave me an unamused flat stare and I sighed, "Fine. I'll be as careful as I can be without risking everybody else…but if I see a golden opportunity to nip the baddies' plan in the bud, I'm takin' it!"

Lucy sighed as she opened the door to our building, "That's the best I'm going to get out of you isn't it?"

I nodded, "Most likely."

"I guess it'll have to do then." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, "Night Jerry."

I'm not sure exactly when she got to the top of the staircase, but suddenly she was up there looking down at me asking if I was alright. I blinked a few times, my brain rebooted, and was my face red? It felt red. Then a devious little smirk spread across Lucy's face as she leaned over the rail, "Hey Jerry, I'll make you a deal. If we make it through this without anyone getting hurt, I'll give you a kiss that'll blow. Your. _Mind._ How's that for a bribe?"

I think my hand set itself a new speed record as I shot her a thumbs up, "DEAL!"

…

…

The next morning Lucy and I met up with Natsu and Gray at the train station. Erza hadn't set a time, so we just tried to get there early. Lucy and I were the first ones there, followed by Gray and then Natsu and Happy. Gray and Natsu immediately started to bicker, their rage manifesting through little auras of magical energy around them as they got right up in each other's faces. To just sit there listening to them, you'd think they hated each other every bit as much as their constant quarreling and fighting would imply. I had a hunch that they actually trusted each other quite a bit, but that didn't mean they liked each other, and I'd no sooner put that notion to them and risk having to fight them both in my current state than turn down a make out session with Mira.

"Let's just sit here and pretend we don't know them…" Lucy muttered as we watched the two argue from a bench with a fish munching Happy.

"What made you decide to come along Lucy?" Happy asked around his fish.

"Same reason Jerry did," Lucy replied, "You and Natsu and Jerry are my teammates now, I can't just let you all go haring off without me. What kind of teammate would that make me? It's fine when it's something that I really need to stay back from, like that job with the rogue's guild the week before last, but other than that I _need_ to come along and help however I can. Besides, Mira asked me to come along to try to keep Natsu and Gray from killing each other when Erza's not around. She figures Jerry's as likely to start fighting with them as they are each other."

I opened my mouth to protest that, then closed it back. I couldn't even begin to deny that when I wasn't injured, I wound up facing off against them in the brawls almost as often as they did each other. I didn't harbor any actual animosity towards them, except Natsu when he was being a complete _doofus_. _Then _I felt a strong urge to deck him. For the most part though? I just enjoyed fighting, and those two put up the best fight. It was just good practice.

Before Happy could make a smarmy comment in response to Lucy's reason for being there, Erza walked up, "Good morning everyone. Have you been waiting long?" Lucy and I took a second to gawk at the literal wagon load of luggage Erza had with her, and then Natsu and Gray threw their arms around each other's shoulders and started dancing around like idiots.

"It's time to go good buddy!" Gray exclaimed in a voice loaded with false cheer. "Aye! Haha!" Natsu agreed in an equally fake voice. "Listen, one Happy's enough!" Lucy barked.

Erza declared that it was good to see them getting along so well before turning to introduce herself to Lucy. I thought about paying attention, but I was having too much fun watching Natsu and Gray flip flop from glaring daggers at each other, auras blazing when Erza's back was turned, to the arms-over-shoulders-dancing routine when she glanced over her shoulder. It wouldn't have been quite as hilarious if they hadn't switched back and forth at least five times in ten seconds. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing as Happy and I sniggered at them.

Then Natsu spoke up, "Hey Erza." Erza turned to him and he continued, "I'll come along but on one condition." He held up a fist with his going-to-set-things-on-fire grin, "When we get back I want a rematch." Gray tried to talk him out of it in hissed protests, but Natsu plowed right on, "I've gotten a lot stronger than I used to be, so it's not gonna be like last time. This time'll be way different, cause this time, I'm gonna beat you!"

Erza smiled slightly and agreed that he had gotten stronger, "As to whether or not you can beat me…I guess we'll just have to see. I accept your challenge."

Natsu was so fired up that his head spontaneously combusted…

…which was a pretty stark and kind of amusing change from his queasy expression twenty minutes later as the train rolled out of the station. I grinned at him as I leaned over the back of the seat. The booths only seated four, so I had to sit on my knees and lean over the back of my seat to be in on the conversation. Gray called him pathetic, Lucy was sympathetic, and Erza offered a cure if he'd sit by her. Natsu and Lucy switched seats and Erza gently laid the ailing Natsu's head on her shoulder. I was just about to think it was sweet, then Erza's fist slammed into Natsu's gut and knocked him soundly unconscious. "There," she said with a smile, "That should make the trip a little easier on him."

I grinned and Lucy grimaced as we realized Erza was just as batshit crazy as the rest of Fairy Tail. Then Gray spoke up, "Erza, I think it's about time you start filling us in. What kind of mission are we going on here?"

Erza nodded, "I have reason to believe the dark guild Eisenwald is planning something big. I'm not sure what exactly, but it has to do with a magic item called Lullaby." I frowned as the gears in my brain started churning. Erza continued, "I overheard some wizards talking in a pub in Onibus a few days ago. I thought they were on an unsealing job. It wasn't until after I had left the pub I saw them at that I realized who they were talking about: Erigor the Reaper. He's the ace of Eisenwald and only takes assassination requests. When the Council outlawed assassination requests, Eisenwald decided that money was more important than the Council's rules, and they were kicked out of their wizard league six years ago. That didn't stop them though, they've disobeyed orders and remain active to this day."

"Oookay I think I should be going home now…" Lucy whined. "Lucy's slimy all of a sudden," Happy noted. "_It's sweat,_" Lucy growled.

Erza smacked Natsu's head like an armrest, "If only I hadn't been so foolish! If I had only recognized Erigor's name I could have _pulverized them_ and forced them to reveal their scheme to me!"

"So let me get this straight," Gray mused, "You think Eisenwald's up to something with this Lullaby thing and given what you overheard you think it's gonna be something bad."

Erza nodded, "That's right. I'm not foolish enough to think I can take an entire magical guild by myself, that's why I asked you all to come along. The wizard who was going after the Lullaby said he would be back with it in three days. That's today, so there's no time for subtlety or doubt. We're storming the Eisenwald Guild."

I casually blew and popped a bubble with my gum before declaring, "Don't wanna burst your bubble Erza, but if that guy said three days, then we need to be figuring out where their target is, not their house."

Erza's gaze snapped to me and I met it calmly, "If a dark guild wants something called Lullaby then Lullaby is most likely dangerous magic. Judging by the name Lullaby, I would wager it to be a sound based magic, probably related to sleep or just as likely _eternal_ sleep. If their boss Erigor's an ace assassin, then he's already bad news even without the Lullaby. So the question is: what does he need Lullaby for, and the only answer I can think of is that there's a target he's not sure he can handle without it. He's probably very cocky, so the target must be extremely dangerous for him to be wary enough about it to be hunting down this Lullaby thing. So ask yourself, what's going on right now at the end of this rail line in Clover?"

Erza thought for a moment, then her eyes went wide, "The Guild Masters' Conference?!"

I raised an eyebrow, "The heads of every guild in the league his guild got kicked out of are all gathered in one place, probably in one _building_, and all within earshot of each other. If they're all as strong as Master Makarov, or even just strong period, then nobody would be stupid enough to attack them without an ace up their sleeve. If Erigor's got a magic flute that can put anyone who hears it to sleep though…"

"Then he'd be able to massacre them while they were unconscious," Erza finished as the color drained from her face, "That's brilliant…How did you figure all that out?!"

I shrugged, "I'm an evil genius."

Erza raised an unamused eyebrow at me, "_Evil_ genius?"

I shrugged, "We all have our quirks. I enjoy trying to anticipate the twists and turns in stories, which usually boils down to figuring out what the villain's planning. I've gotten good enough at it that I'm certain I qualify as an evil genius myself now since what so many so called "evil geniuses" plan is just common sense obviousness to me. It's like when we call Gray a pervert because he's always trying to get naked. Like right now, he's ditching his coat."

Gray froze halfway out of his coat and looked down at his arms halfway out of the sleeves. He sheepishly and slowly slid back into his coat, looking out the window to conceal the fact that he was blushing as pink as Natsu's hair. I nodded, "Ya see there? Gray's a perverted streaker and I'm an evil genius."

Erza smiled, "I see. Well, I'm glad you're on our side."

Then the train shook and began to slow down as we rolled onto a long bridge across a wide river. I thought for a second and then I felt the color drain from my face as we finally stopped and the roar of the engine faded, "Someone just uncoupled the car…That means…" **_BOOM!_**The whole train shook as a storm of solid shadows slammed into the bridge beneath us.

"EISENWALD WAS IN THIS CAR!" I shouted as the train started to tilt, its weight crushing the now crumbling bridge beneath it, "GRAY! FREEZE THE RIVER SOLID OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DROWN!" Grays magic roared to life and a moment later the lower side of the train car was covered in ice.

…

…

…

It took us almost half an hour to evacuate the train cars that were still there, we couldn't just leave the other passengers to fall whenever Gray's ice melted, and then we took off on my card car as fast as I could zip us along down the tracks, using the screens from my Archive magic as windshield and windows. Once I amped my intake I was able to shoot us along down the tracks like a rocket.

Natsu had tried to protest, but one glare from Erza had him hopping aboard, pale as a ghost and quiet as a mouse. Thankfully, it turned out his motion sickness did not apply to my card car. He was actually quite excited when he realized that, but Lucy and Gray shushed him as they were in the backseat together while Erza rode shotgun.

Erza was silent for several minutes as we zipped along, her eyes focused miles down the tracks on the train engine and the last car that was surely holding the Eisenwald wizard that had tried to eliminate us. I didn't mind. It was slightly unsettling how tense she was, but the others being quiet allowed me to really put the pedal to metal. Then Erza brushed her hair back out of her face and looked over at me, "This is terribly useful magic. I see why Mirajane wanted us to bring you."

I blinked and then smiled, "Thank you." "Can it go any faster though?" Erza asked with a hint of nervousness, "We still haven't caught up to them yet." "Erza, we're already going over twice as fast as that train was," I told her bluntly, "We're currently moving at around a hundred miles per hour. If we go much faster then we'll catch up to the train faster than I can slow us down, and probably go _splat_ against the back end of it."

Erza blinked at me, "A hundred miles an hour? Really? But it's so smooth…" I nodded, "You're basically riding on a cloud, and I'm a good driver anyway. The only reason I'm not going faster is because I'd probably get tunnel vision if I went too much faster. If I judged the speed of the train right and assuming he didn't force them to speed it up, which I bet he did, then we may catch up in about five to ten minutes. Depending on how fast that train can go, we might not be able to catch up to them from down here…" Then I frowned, "Hang on, I'm taking us up. We'll see if we can spot the train from the air."

Before anyone could protest, we shot into a steep climb and a moment later the entire countryside was laid out beneath us. My eyes shot down the length of the track until I spotted the train slowing to a stop at a town nearly twenty miles away, "There!"

"That's not Clover though!" Erza protested. "Two possibilities," I declared, "Number one, he's stopping to pick up the rest of Eisenwald, and number two, they may be gearing up for a test run with the Lullaby! If they use it over the loud speakers while they've all got earplugs then they might be able to put the entire city to sleep and pillage it while everyone's out cold! One other thing, Natsu! Happy! I want you two to wait outside when we get there! If we get bogged down in a fight in there, then there needs to be someone out here who can go after anyone they send sneaking away while the rest of us are distracted, and you're the only ones who can fly besides me!"

Natsu started to whine and then Erza shut him up with an over the shoulder death glare. I explained to him that it was the most important job available, as whoever he went after would almost certainly be not only powerful but also the one going after the Guild Masters, and he seemed slightly mollified.

…

…

We strolled into the train station on our guard and found Eisenwald waiting for us in the lobby. It looked like the entire guild was there, the numbers were probably at least ten to one in their favor. At the front was a shirtless guy with white hair in a goofy do cross between "cockatoo" and "combover" with a scythe, a flute and wearing a robe like the bottom half of a dress. Goofy do in the dress was apparently Erigor the Reaper.

He immediately embarked on a very long winded speech about unfairness and the lost rights of his guild. He was able to fly, which Lucy and Gray quickly chalked up to wind magic. He alighted on top of a speaker pole when Erza asked what he was planning, "What do all train stations have?"

"Speakers and a PA system, which makes it a good thing our friend is currently cutting all the wires in the control room doesn't it?" I declared with a smug little grin (not actually a lie! Cancer actually was currently heading straight for the control room), "Nice try Airhead, but your evil plan was a little obvious there. Also what was your name again? Very Boring? It seems rather fitting. You're quite the talker aren't you?" Erigor flinched at the blow to his ego and then colored up with fury as I blew a bubble with my gum and popped it with a bored expression in his direction, "We gonna do this thing or what?"

Erza, Gray, Lucy and the entirety of Eisenwald were looking at me like I was out of my mind.

"I guess you Fairy Tail flies will make a fine trial run for the Lullaby," Erigor went to raise the evil flute to his lips and I casually spat out my gum before grinning evilly as it landed exactly where I wanted thanks to my teleportation magic. Everyone else immediately stuffed their fingers in their ears. I just started counting down in my head, _3…2…1…_

The instant the flute touched Erigor's lips he immediately yanked it away, "WHAT THE HELL?!" He looked at the flute in revulsion and then exploded, "WHY IS THERE CHEWED GUM ON THE LULLABY?!"

I started chuckling, "_Evil_…" I teleported behind Erigor and blasted him point blank with an explosive dose of my light magic from my good hand straight to the base of his skull as I shouted, **_"_****_GENIUS!"_**

Erigor slammed into the floor like he'd been shot face first from a cannon (which he basically had) and then I teleported to the ground in the center of the Eisenwald mob before letting my light magic explode from all points of my body. The resulting explosion was Natsu worthy and sent the entire Eisenwald guild flying, burned, blasted and mostly unconscious when they hit, with the few who weren't out cold being so dazed and stunned that Gray was able to freeze them all solid in about twenty seconds flat.

I exhaled heavily. I hadn't even realized I was holding that breath. I panted, why were there spots? _Yellow and black spots,_ my suddenly hazy mind bubbled up, _like an old film strip burning…_ I swore under my breath, "I really overdid it…" I only narrowly managed to catch myself as my knees tried to give out on me.

"This is new…" I ground out as my ears started ringing. I felt like my head was in a vice and the rest of me was full of burning sand. My arms were like soaked rolls of heavy felt and I could feel the moisture in the air sticking to my skin like an itchy wet blanket. "So this is what Master was talkin' about…"

Then the coughing started. It started off as just a little hacking, then it stepped up to a bone rattling, gut shaking **BOOM** of a cough, and I felt my bowels heave in protest as the sheer force of the convulsions began to make me vomit. I tried to hold down what little breakfast I'd eaten, but it didn't work. Then I realized hazily that vomit wasn't supposed to be red as it stained the ground in front of me. I vaguely wondered if it was the ground shaking or me…

…

…

I cracked my eyes open and my ears were still ringing slightly. I couldn't hear anything, but I could register that I was lying on my back in a very familiar bed. I tried to raise my hands to my eyes to rub some of the sleep out of them and massage the fuzz out of my head and the ringing from my ears. My hands refused to move at first and then as I tried much harder they came up and slapped me in the face very hard, poked me in the eye, and earned a frustrated growl as I started to thrash about trying to make my horrid stupid body _move_.

It felt like my whole body was asleep, not just my arms, but all of me, so I thrashed about trying to get some feeling back. I threw my forearm to my face and desperately bit it to try and regain some feeling. Then someone pulled my arm away from my teeth and the pressure on my skin was awful enough that I gasped in pain and let them pull my arm away.

I felt two hands press to the sides of my face and my eyes popped open in pain to reveal Mirajane looking at me with desperation. I went still as I realized, _Oh, I was hurting myself…why was I…_then it hit me and everything came rushing back.

"Ears ringing…" I forced out, "Can't hear…" my voice must have been gravelly as an old dirt road and either a shout or a whisper judging from how hard it was to speak. Mirajane's eyes widened and she glanced up at someone and then suddenly something miraculously, _wonderfully_ cool was being smeared all over the side of my head. I let out a little moan of appreciation as the ringing faded and my sense of hearing began to return.

"He should be getting his hearing back any second now," I heard someone, Porlyusica, declare quietly. "Can you hear me Jerry?" Mira asked loudly as Porlyusica rubbed something else on my throat.

I winced and cracked my eyes open, trying to give her a reassuring smile as I mumbled, "Loud and clear Mira…shhh…Porlyusica's stuff worked really good, I can hear again and I've got a headache from hell. Whole body feels like its asleep and my head won't quit pounding."

Porlyusica sighed exasperatedly, "Okay, Mira, Erza, help me roll him over." A moment later I was face down with a pillow under my chest as, I guess it was Porlyusica, it could have been any of them, rubbed something down the length of my spine and began to massage it in. Then I realized it was at least two of them as the third one took hold of my head and began to rub something onto my temples and forehead. As they worked, all the pain started to quickly fade away and the strength rushed back to my limbs.

I shuddered slightly as the feeling rushed back through my body. It was the best thing I'd ever felt, "Ohh god that feels amazing…" I groaned. A few minutes later Porlyusica told them it was okay to stop and I looked up, "You can keep going if you want to…I haven't felt this alive and good in…" my head slumped back down onto the mattress, "…ever."

"You should feel a lot better!" Porlyusica snapped, "You came this close to dying because of that horrible flute demon."

"Flute was a demon?" I asked as I raised my head for a moment before letting my face flop back down because keeping it raised was too much effort and honestly hurt a little bit.

"Yes a rather giant one with a curse that ripped open all of your wounds from that avalanche you caused and was doing serious nerve damage on top of exacerbating your magic exhaustion," Porlyusica declared dryly. Then she jabbed a finger straight into a pressure point I hadn't realized was there and I yelped in agony as it felt like my whole body was on fire for a second. "And _that's_ for disobeying your doctor and using the exact magic I told you not to!" she hissed acerbically.

"Sorry…" I grumbled, "Had to stop Erigor."

This time it was an armored gauntlet karate chopping me in the back of the head. I groaned in pain. Erza packed one hell of a wallop, and I could tell she'd been holding back with that one. "As amazingly cool as you taking down the entire Eisenwald guild almost entirely by yourself in less than a minute was," Erza told me firmly, "It was still terribly foolish of you to ignore Porlyusica-san's orders simply for the sake of impressing me."

I went 100% stiff, "Have I been sleep talking?"

"No you've been still and quiet as the grave for three days," Mira told me calmly, "We've been very worried because you were barely even breathing." Then she added with a hint of accusation creeping into her voice, "Lucy's the one who figured out that you were trying to show off for Erza, and you just confirmed it."

I'm certain I blushed and I was very glad I was face down in mattress. "Em…Can't really deny it now. Sorry. Just, erm…hell." I thunked my head onto the mattress. What was I supposed to say? In retrospect it was selfish, stupid, pig headed and probably a shortsighted blunder that could've gotten me killed if I had missed one of the Eisenwald guys. "I'll…try to be a little more careful from now on…"

"I should certainly hope so," Erza told me sternly, "How will you get your hero's kiss if you go and get yourself killed being heroic?"

Aaaaand there went my train of thought screaming and skidding and flying off the track into the land of _WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!_ My brain hadn't been so derailed since…since…hell when _was_ the last time? I certainly couldn't recall anyone ever throwing me that badly with a simple _sentence._

I tilted my head slightly so that my ear was angled up a little more towards Erza as I glanced at her out the corner of my eye and immediately shut my eyes because I knew that if I met those eyes I wasn't gonna be able to ask, "Erm…sorry, run that one by me again?"

"Your hero's kiss," Erza repeated, "Everyone knows that the most heroic person gets a kiss. That's why I try to be the most heroic, so I don't have to kiss anyone unless I want to. This time though, I think you and Gray and Natsu might have equaled me in that regard, given that you took down an entire dark guild almost entirely by yourself and the three of us took down a giant demon. Since it was a tie, Lucy doesn't have to kiss any of us. Although, now that I think about it, you might have to kiss _her,_ since she's the one who guarded you and got you out from under the Lullaby demon's feet while you were unconscious. It was quite upset with you for spitting gum in its face. That's probably why it went after you first."

Mirajane sniggered, "He did what? You didn't tell me about that part!"

"He spat his gum onto the flute so that Erigor couldn't play it," Erza explained, "The look on Erigor's face when he realized it was truly priceless and all the proof I needed that Jerry is indeed the evil genius he claims to be. The Lullaby was so furious it didn't even notice Natsu until he decked it." Mirajane began to howl with laughter and I think even Porlyusica was laughing a little.

Then something occurred to me, "Hey Erza, how much of a mess did fighting the Lullaby make? My attacks on Eisenwald didn't do much damage to the station I don't think other than maybe getting some blood on the floor, but I _know_ I felt the ground shaking right before I passed out."

Erza was quiet for a moment and then she laughed a little nervously, "Weeell…we kind of destroyed the entire train station and the Council's demanding a written apology. It could've been a lot worse. Gray froze its feet in place when we realized it was trying to stomp you, and Natsu set the gum you had spat on its face on fire, so it was too busy trying to get the burning gum off to really do too much to the rest of the city. It only took us a few minutes to dismantle it, so amazingly the damage was kept to a bare minimum. The worst thing that happened was the train station being destroyed when the Lullaby revealed its true form."

I actually did manage to look at her without getting flustered then, "So they want an apology for us handling it in the best way possible?"

Erza thought about it for a moment, "Yes, that does sum it up rather accurately."

That ground through the gears in my brain and then came out my nose as a snort with a wicked grin, "Let _me_ write the letter. I wanna get expressions out of this persnickety council just as good as the one I got out of Erigor."

Erza was silent for a moment and then she and Mirajane both burst out laughing. I grinned mischievously. If the mere thought of it made Erza and Mira laugh this hard, then I was going all out. Erza told me after a moment that I really shouldn't do that because they could do all sorts of horrible things to the guild if we mocked them too much, but she thanked me for the laugh.

…

…

==**_The Voice of an Angel_**==

…

==Three Days After The Battle at Onibus==

…

Erigor seethed within the prison wagon as it trundled down the road beneath the full moon. It was heavily reinforced and he was shackled hand and foot with magic sealing stone. The incarceration was bad. The broken nose was embarrassing. The method by which said incarceration and broken nose had been _delivered, _THAT was unforgivably infuriating. He _still _couldn't get the disgusting feel of chewed gum off his lips.

In retrospect it was obvious what had happened. That Fairy Tail fly in the bandages had teleported his gum onto the Lullaby right before baiting Erigor into trying to play it so he could get an opening. _He would never have beaten me if I hadn't been distracted!_ Erigor raged internally, _I'll make him pay for this! Nobody mocks Erigor the Reaper and gets away with it!_

He then began lightening his mood with the thoughts of all the horrible, _horrible_ things he was going to do to that masked wizard if he ever got a chance. He had just gotten to the idea of pulling out the masked wizard's teeth so he could never chew anything (especially gum!) ever again, when the carriage slowed to a stop.

Erigor was immediately alert and readied himself for a fight. Like hell he was letting them throw him in prison without a fight! _If I can just get the keys, I can rip the guards to shreds and get out of…what is that?_ The sound sent shivers down his spine. _Is, is that someone singing?_

He listened carefully and as the sound of bodies beginning to hit the ground outside the prison wagon reached his ears, he began to be able to make out the words…

_Come out moon…come out wishing star…_

_Come out, come out…wherever you are…_

_I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake…_

_Come and find me._

_I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break._

_Come and find me…_

_I need you to come here and find me,_

_Cause without you I'm totally lost…_

Though Erigor would never, ever, EVER, not-for-a-single-moment-how-dare-you-even-imply-it admit, tears actually started to well in his eyes at the sheer heartbroken longing of the song reaching his ears as it wafted through the prison convoy. For the first time in over a decade, he remembered that his heart had once had strings as the mysterious singer effortlessly tugged on them with nothing but her voice. His sharp ears actually picked out the sound of some other Eisenwald wizards in the adjacent wagons beginning to openly sob at the beautiful but heartbreakingly sad melody.

Just as the final verse ended, the voice suddenly changed tones and it was like a completely different person speaking, "Eeerigooor…are you in there?"

Erigor lunged to the window, his eyes wide. The mystery singer smirked up at him from among the crowd of unconscious guards, all laid out colder than ice by the magic of her song. It might've had something to do with those lingering wisps of pink fluff Erigor's eyes picked out, but surely it was mostly that utterly enchanting voice that belonged to the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, "Are you an angel?" he asked reverentially.

She just laughed, "Awww! Just for that, I think I'll let you live. Provided of course," her hand snapped out, fingers easily curling around his neck, and with an absolutely shocking amount of strength for such a petite form, brutally yanked his face into the bars of the wagon and down to her eye level, "_You tell me exactly where the vault that held the Lullaby was and how to get in._"

Erigor felt his heart begin to quiver, not in awe this time, but in absolute terror as he realized he was staring not at an angel, but at one of the most infamous dark wizards in the country.

==**Next time! On**_** Mad Little Slice of Heaven!==**_

_I spent the afternoon that first day digging through the archives to see if there was anything else on Slayer magic. If there was any way to jack my magic levels higher so that I could do what I needed to without rendering myself nearly comatose, I wanted to know immediately. Levy came down to see what I was up to when she found out from Mira that I was there. She quickly wound up helping me search, but not until after she had read Precht's thesis on the matter. "Do you really think this conversion process will work?" she asked me with a thoughtful frown._

_I nodded, "Oh the absorption rate increase I know for a fact does. It's the only reason I haven't been collapsing from magic exhaustion on an even more regular basis than what I have. As for the elemental conversion, I haven't had a lot of opportunity to practice with it, but I'm certain I was able to turn light into ethernano and absorb it the day I found that."_

_Levy almost dropped the paper in her hands, "What?! Show me!"_


	11. Chapter 11: One Month

**AN: **_And now, Reviewer Replies!_

_Sorry if I'm a little briefer than usual with these, I'm writing these at 2 in the morning and the wifi dropped my connection and lost the first draft as I was uploading it. Very, VERY frustrating._

**Reptil:** _He has to tag objects with his magic before he can teleport them, but if he were to learn another brand of spatial magic, such as say...portals? That would change. The closest we'll see to Trafalgar Law's Ope-ope no mi is Minerva's Territory magic. It was actually a combination of both that made him pass out, but that'll be explained a little bit more next chapter by someone who is really REALLY good at figuring this sort of thing out._

**Raidentensho:** _First off, my apologies, I misspoke last week. THIS is the chapter that explores Celestial Magic more in depth. Yes each of the three Slayer magics will be getting much more attention and explanation in this story, similar to what this chapter does for Celestial Magic. There are unique dangers posed by Dragon Lacrima, but those will be explored as well. As for the Battle in the Rift, there's no guarantee that Jerry won't put a stop to that before it even starts since he has a lot of the same reactions I do such as, "I'm sorry, I must've misheard you. I could've sworn you just said that your plan was to throw the thing that can eat magic with no known upper limits INTO AN INFINITE WELL OF POWER WHICH HE CAN PROBABLY EAT TO BECOME UTTERLY INVINCIBLE?! WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!" Yes, that was an incredibly stupid plan and I said so the instant I learned about it, ESPECIALLY considering that all Slayers have one great big absolutely GLARING weakness in common which I cannot BELIEVE Mashima forgot so completely and thoroughly. I love Fairy Tail, but it could NOT be more obvious that Hiro-san had no idea what he was doing in those last few chapters. There will be lots of time for Jerry to hone his skills and grow stronger on his own soon enough, but it won't be on solo jobs. I don't know where so many writers get the idea that next tier powerups are something that just pop out of nowhere in the middle of high stakes fights. I can only guess that they've never actually BEEN in a fight. Breaking out new moves that you've never even tried before is a really good way to get your ass kicked because you haven't worked out the bugs yet so you're every bit of that much more likely to screw it up and give your opponent an opening. That's actually something Jerry brought up in Chapter 9 right before he discovered the formula for Crash magic. Glad you're still enjoying! :D_

**Me (Guest):**_It's going quite well, thank you for asking. Yes the special distraction tactic and curb stomp with Erigor was very fun to write, I'm glad you enjoyed it. There are actually several reasons for Jerry getting hurt so much which will be gone into more as the story goes on, as well as one rather meta reason which will become very VERY obvious in retrospect once its revealed. Worry not though, this'll be his last big injury for...(goes to check the schedule) ...such a long time that even I'm not entirely sure when the next one is going to hit. I'm thinking it'll hit in around three months in universe at the earliest, which is a lot, and I mean a LOT, of chapters away. Yes that bit with Lucy in the start of the last chapter was intended to be uncomfortable because she was actually very much correct to be worried about Jerry. If Natsu hadn't been waiting outside and ready to give the Lullaby a Happy assisted Fire Dragon Iron Fist to the face the instant its true form stabilized and stop its magic from going off, everyone would be either hospitalized or just outright DEAD in Jerry's case, along with most every non-wizard within the Lullaby's range, for reasons which will be explained next chapter. You see next week is a special chapter which is going to feature viewpoints other than Jerry's set at the same time as this chapter, including one from someone who is actually really good at figuring stuff like this out. As for the letter to the Magic Council, I was originally not going to let Jerry write it since in-universe it had BAD IDEA written all over it, hence Mirajane and Erza immediately trying to talk him out of it. Buuut, since you asked for it, I changed my mind. He and Levy assisted Makarov with writing the letter, and the Council's reaction to it will be addressed in next week's special chapter._

**_And now, ON WITH THE SHOW!_**

**Chapter 11 – One Month**

Porlyusica let me go home that night, albeit with an admonishment not to use my magic so recklessly again until I was healed and a declaration that I was extra stupid even for a human. I slept like a rock that night and felt good as new in the morning. Or at least, I felt as good as I had before the Lullaby socked me with death magic.

Lucy and Levy had both finished _Pirates of the Caribbean _and were now jumping up and down for the next installment. I told them it would take time and got them to reluctantly, poutingly agree to wait until I was recovered from being buried alive.

Natsu was jumping up and down to go on a job, and again, I thought I convinced him to wait until I was recovered enough to not be fainting after using my magic in earnest. Erza offered to let him go on a job with her since she took another one right away, but Natsu chickened out at the thought of being alone with her, so she went by herself.

I spent the afternoon that first day digging through the archives to see if there was anything else on Slayer magic. If there was any way to jack my magic levels higher so that I could do what I needed to without rendering myself nearly comatose, I wanted to know _immediately_. Levy came down to see what I was up to when she found out from Mira that I was there. She quickly wound up helping me search, but not until after she had read Precht's thesis on the matter. "Do you really think this conversion process will work?" she asked me with a thoughtful frown.

I nodded, "Oh the absorption rate increase I know for a fact does. It's the only reason I haven't been collapsing from magic exhaustion on an even more regular basis than what I have. As for the elemental conversion, I haven't had a lot of opportunity to practice with it, but I'm certain I was able to turn light into ethernano and absorb it the day I found that."

Levy almost dropped the paper in her hands, "What?! Show me!" I raised my hand and the air around it grew dark as the light that drew within the sphere of my magic was converted into ethernano and absorbed. I looked at it and frowned thoughtfully, then I spread the conversion field across my whole body. I was immediately blind, but the rush of power into my system was incredible. My bones stopped aching, my muscles felt stronger, and most of all, I felt absolutely _wired_. It was the exact inverse of magic exhaustion, I felt like I could turn an _entire_ mountain to rubble and still have juice in the tank! I willed the conversion field to pull back away from my eyes and was able to see again.

I smiled at Levy's stunned expression even though I know she couldn't see it, "I haven't tried it with anything other than light, but at the very least this works for me. I think I'll call this Blackout Mode…whatcha think? Cool?"

"That. Is. AMAZING!" Levy declared with stars in her eyes. Then she quickly turned her eyes to the paper and quickly began to study it. A few moments later, she wrinkled her brow in concentration and a few moments later her eyes popped wide open as she apparently got it. "Ho-ho-holy crap…" she laughed giddily as she rocked back and forth with a huge smile on her face, "I feel amaaaaaziiing!"

I grinned and waggled a finger at her, "Now try Blackout Mode. It's even better."

Levy's eyebrows went up, "Ooh!" She grinned and closed her eyes before dropping into a meditative position and a moment later she was shrouded in darkness and laughing as power surged through her. I tilted my head, now that I saw someone else doing it, it was surprisingly creepy to see what was basically a living silhouette.

"Ya know Levy," I mused as I allowed my own Blackout Mode to fade away from my head, "If I had known it looked this bloody _creepy_, I would've limited it to just covering my cape."

The eerie silhouette thing that was Levy stopped laughing and tilted her head at me, "Creepy?"

"Can you see out of it?" Levy's eyes suddenly materialized, looking all cute and innocently confused but still friggin' creepy due to the featureless black mask they were set in. I allowed mine to cover my head again and then let my scariest most evilest laugh bubble up and out of me. Levy actually squeaked in terror as I leaned in her direction.

Her Blackout Mode immediately faded off her head to reveal her frightened expression as she pointed at me and sat back and away from me, "Okay turn that off! You're right it's super scary when it's over your face like that!"

I sat up and let it fade away and just encompass my cloak, "See? Told ya." Then an idea occurred to me and I let it slide up over my head again, not most of my face but enough to cover my nose and the skin around my eyes. I pulled two points up out of the top and said in a ridiculously deep voice, "I'm Batman."

Levy blinked at me in surprise, then she started laughing as she asked who Batman was. I blinked and then a grin split my face as my mask faded away. In less than five minutes I had explained the concept of superheroes to Levy and had her utterly enraptured with tales of the Dark Knight of Gotham. I burned an entire afternoon telling Levy Batman stories, and then I went home with a book on card magic.

I would've asked Cana for tips and training in it, she'd been very good at explaining how to do the Calling Card spell, but I didn't dare disturb the boozy brunette any more than my magic already had. We hadn't spoken since I had given her the knowledge I had of Crash magic, but I'd occasionally catch her shooting glances at me. They weren't angry, they seemed almost sad. I considered talking to her, but I didn't have a clue what I'd say.

Also, the fact that she never wore more than a bikini top and her capris was exceptionally distracting even from across the bar if I didn't have Mirajane or Lucy or Erza nearby to draw my eye. I knew that if I got up close to her again, I wouldn't be able to keep my lecherous instincts from directing my gaze and making an already awkward conversation even more so.

So, rather than deal with that awkwardness and risk mucking it up by trying to tackle it before Cana was ready, I let her have her space and dug up a book on card magic to see just what all it could do.

…

…

A week after the Eisenwald Incident, my bones were still creaky, my head was itchy from being covered in bristles where my hair was starting to grow back, and my face was still healing from having half of it scraped off, but other than that I felt pretty good. Porlyusica had given me a magic healing salve that she said would allow my skin to recover with little to no scarring, so every other night I unwrapped all the bandages on my head to apply the salve. It usually hurt like pulling off extra sticky tape and often times pulled open some of the old scabs, but with a little help from Mira the first time (she was surprisingly not at all disturbed by the squick factor), I quickly got good enough at it to do it myself without pulling a bunch of scabs off and getting blood everywhere. I still wound up having to use telekinesis to clean it up just due to the sheer amount of it that got all over the bathroom while I was still learning, but it was actually very rare for me to wind up doing it by myself.

I hadn't realized Virgo had a nurse's outfit, or how incredibly cute she looked in it. More than that though, I hadn't realized how very good a nurse she was. At the risk of sounding trite, her hands were as soft as starlight and she was every bit as attentive as anyone could ever ask for. I hadn't even thought to summon her the first time she popped up to help. I tugged one bandage that was just a little too sticky and yanked a scab half the size of my palm off, leaving a _lovely_ raw patch oozing blood and going wild from the exposure to air on the raw nerves.

It was a rather lengthy and explosive stream of swearing that Virgo startled me out of. I nearly jumped through the roof when the chime announced her arrival. She knocked on the door gently, "Master? Would you like some help in there?"

I opened the door, "Hey Virgo, yeah, thanks for coming. Ah, do you know how to do this?"

Virgo smiled at me gently, "Master, do you know how many Celestial Wizards I've served in my life? I've had…far more practice with first aid than I ever wanted." There was a very somber look in her eye and I immediately realized I'd just dredged up what was probably a _lot _of painful memories.

"Oh, um…" _What the hell do you even say in a situation like this?!_ "I'm sorry, I…didn't mean to bring up any bad memories…ah…shit…erm…" I floundered and then Virgo smiled at me.

"Master, I don't regret a single thing I've ever done for my wizards, and even if my memories of them hurt to think about, I still wouldn't trade any of them for the world," she told me softly, "Now please, sit down and let me help you."

I did and as Virgo gently undid the rest of my bandages without the slightest hiccup I had to wonder, just how many people had she done desperate first aid on trying to save their lives? I didn't dare ask. Virgo might be a masochist, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't the type of pain she was into.

Then as Virgo started rubbing the healing salve across my scalp she mused quietly, "You know, maybe you should punish me…you wouldn't be like this if I'd been faster during the avalanche…"

My hands snapped up and caught her wrists. I gently held her hands to my head and raised my eyes to meet hers, which I noted with a hint of displeasure were glittering with excitement, "_Sit down Virgo,"_ I growled.

Virgo sat immediately with her shins tucked under her as she asked with a big smile, "Punishment time?"

I gently took her head in my hands and looked her in the eyes very seriously, "Virgo, if you had not been there, I would be dead now. If I'd had any idea what my magic was capable of, I would've summoned you before I started. The failure there was mine, not yours." Virgo looked very confused and I exhaled slowly, "I understand that you're a masochist Virgo, and I'm willing to help you indulge that, but don't ever blame yourself for _my_ screwups. You've been an incredible help to me at every turn, and you've never asked anything of me in return except punishment."

Virgo nodded and I took a breath, "I just thought about it, but I never did ask you what the limits on our relationship actually are. You remember when we were first making our contract and I asked if there was anything I couldn't or _shouldn't _ask you to do?"

Virgo nodded and I took a moment to steel my nerves knowing that this was quite possibly going to very deeply offend her, "What I wanted to ask you was if you and I could have…" _shit, too nervous, can't say it…_ "erm…intimate relations, I suppose you might say. With you being the Maiden and all, I didn't want to risk putting you in a compromising position or hurting you or anything like that."

Virgo blinked at me curiously, "But don't you have Miss's Mirajane, Lucy, Cana, Erza and Levy?"

I couldn't have been more surprised if she'd slapped me with a wet fish. I blinked in surprise and started ticking them off on my fingers, "Mira's certainly a valid point to take into consideration but she's adamant on not developing a serious relationship. The jury's still out on Lucy. I think Cana's still pissed at me over the whole Crash Magic thing. Erza I hardly know, and cute as she is, Levy's more like a little sister to me than a potential girlfriend. Besides, I had only even really met three of them when I met you, and I hadn't known any of them for more than three days."

Virgo lowered her gaze, "You're not wrong to wonder about my title as "The Maiden". You're right, I can't lose my virginity. It's an integral part of my being, so it could have very bad repercussions for me, but there's…also the other thing…" Even though she had hung her head and her bangs obscured a fair bit, I could still see her face twist in unmistakable pain and definitely not the kind she enjoyed, "Master, you…_do _understand that I'm functionally immortal right?"

I felt her fingers clench slightly as she shook, "You don't know what it's like for a Celestial Spirit to lose their wizard…every time my wizard dies before passing on my key…it's like a chunk of my soul getting torn out! Even if they do pass on my key before they die, I still see them go, and even if I don't, I still know the instant they're gone. It doesn't hurt as bad but it's still the most horrible feeling imaginable… It hurts so much…" she told me quietly as tears leaked out, "Everything else pales in comparison, it's so bad that physical pain feels like pleasure to me because that's just so much worse!" She leaned forward and rested her forehead on my chest, "If I fell in love with my wizard…and they died…I can't even imagine how much worse it would be. I thought I'd die of grief the first time I lost my wizard…if I lost a wizard I'd fallen in love with…I _know_ I would…"

I held her gently until she found her voice again through the tears that I could feel tickling across my chest. When she spoke again, she laid a hand over my heart, "The contract is a link on our very souls, so I can sense what you're like and where you are. I can get a sense of what you're thinking too, so I know why you asked me about this." She looked up at me and gave me a watery smile full of understanding, "I really appreciate it. You're probably one of the most considerate wizards I've ever had about this, but I think it would probably be better if we didn't go there." Then she glanced away and bit her lip with a grin as a blush rose across her face, "It _is _a hot thought though…I had never even considered something like _that…_I'm gonna have to try that…"

Then she shook her head and smiled at me, "But for right now, let's get these bandages of yours changed. After that I'll go on back." And so she did, leaving me with quite a lot to think about.

…

…

A few days later, I wound up strolling out in the forest for some reason that I can't remember, I was probably on my way to or from Porlyusica's, and bumped into Gray. Gray had been on his way back from a job and we were jumped by a pack of what I can only dub wannabe wizards. The little troll looking dude was a halfway decent sand mage, but Max with the broom could've swept him like a barroom floor, so of course Gray punted him probably halfway across the forest. There was a weird looking chicken guy who I pretty quickly blasted into submission (don't tell Porlyusica!), and Gray knocked out a pair of knife wielding twins before they knew what hit them.

Then the last one told our fortunes after groaning in a sort of ominous way. "You'll meet someone special, but the stars point to great trouble with water and women unless you heed the advice of your friends," he told Gray. Gray was unimpressed, but I stopped him from clocking the guy and pestered some tips on it out of him before letting him go with a five hundred jewel note as thanks. I told him to go get himself some food and pointed him towards town, he looked famished. He hugged me and ran off. I looked after the rapidly fleeing fortune teller flatly, "What a pack of weirdoes…and I hang out with Natsu!"

…

…

On the evening of August the first, I came to the startling realization that I had only been in the world of Fairy Tail for a month. At the same time, I had been there _a month_. As Lucy handed me her twenty five thousand jewel in rent money with a smile, I could only stand there in the door stunned and accept it with what must've been a rather odd expression on my face.

Lucy noticed and frowned, "What's wrong? Is it not enough? Because you know I tried to tell you that it was a dirt cheap rate and…"

I cut off her budding tirade as she reached for her purse. "It's not that at all," I told her quietly. I took a deep breath and explained, "Lucy, you do realize that this is the first really significant mark of time I've had since I got yanked here from my world right?"

Lucy blinked and then her eyes went wide as that registered, "Oh! Sorry, I just wanted to pay my rent, I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories or…"

I raised a hand to still her panicked babbling, "Nothing of the sort, it just caught me off guard. It feels like a lifetime ago already, so it's kind of surprising to realize it's only been a month." I leaned against the doorframe, "So much has happened…This has to have been the most hectic month of my life…" I tilted my head back to look at the ceiling, "My folks are probably still freaking out over my disappearance…They'd be so pleased if they could see me now but they probably think I'm dead…of course," I smiled slightly, "This world could be heaven. It's everything _I _ever wanted in a world."

Silence reigned for a moment and then Lucy piped up, "You should write them a letter! Just in case you ever _do _get a chance to send one! I…" She stopped herself and fidgeted for a moment before admitting, "I…write my mom letters every time anything interesting happens…I…know she'll never get to read them, but…it makes me feel better…"

I blinked at her in surprise and then smiled, "Thanks Lucy, I might have to try that." Then my oven timer "_DING!_"-ed and I shot a glance over my shoulder before turning back to Lucy with a grin, "If you're hungry, I'll have dinner ready in a few minutes. Care to join me?"

Lucy looked like she wanted to and then looked down at her admittedly rather filthy clothes as I noted that she did in fact look like she'd been dragged feet first through a pig sty, "Um, I'd really like to, but I _really _need a shower…"

I nodded, "That's fine, would you like to join me afterwards? I can fix more while you're getting cleaned up." Lucy brightened and agreed before heading for the stairs only to groan as she remembered she lived on the second floor. It was right about then that I noticed she was really favoring her left foot. I cleared my throat, "If you want, you can use my shower instead."

Lucy me shot a grateful look, "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose…"

Her face said otherwise and I handwaved it with a smile, "No worries Lucy. We can even throw your stuff in the washer while you shower."

Apparently, that was the last little bit needed to make an irresistible offer because a few moments later Lucy was in the bathroom with a towel and pushing a lump of clothes out through a crack in the door, "Thanks Jerry!"

I picked up the bundle of clothes and headed for the wash room under the stairs. I tossed in a rechargeable detergent lacrima (yet another convenience I'd found a pleasant surprise) and then tossed Lucy's shockingly filthy clothes in before closing the door, setting it to hot water and heavy dirt, and turning it on. Then I went back down the short entrance hall to my apartment and started fixing more dinner as I pulled out what was ready and worked to make sure I had gotten everything right. Granted it's difficult to screw up a baked potato, but I'd seen far more surprising things in the month I'd been at Fairy Tail. God that still felt so weird to think about…

I tossed two more potatoes into the aluminum foil and then into the oven, then I quickly flash cooked the bacon to crisp and crumbled it into a bowl with my telekinesis. I pulled the potatoes that were done from their foil wrap and set them on two separate plates. I actually had more than two plates now! That was something else that earned a moment of pause as I thought about how many people were in my life now. I'd _never _had company in my old world, hadn't really even had friends since I'd moved away and started college, which had sucked because my best friends Gabe and Julie had gone to different colleges in different states and I never got to see them. Now it seemed like I was with friends every day again!

I set the table and went back out to the laundry room to check on Lucy's clothes. I frowned as I saw twenty minutes still on the wash timer. _Maybe they'll get done before she does?_ I only allowed that absurd little thought a moment of my brain space, _No way in hell is she gonna stay in the shower for an hour when she knows the food'll be ready soon._

I headed back into my apartment and heard the water cut off as I walked in. I winced, _ah shit…_ Then a moment later Lucy called, "Hey Jerry? Are my clothes dry yet?"

"You've only been in there for fifteen minutes," I replied, "Food's ready whenever you are, ah, would you like a bathrobe or a shirt of something?"

"Yeah I can't just come out and eat naked!"

I grimaced slightly as dirty thoughts raced through my mind, "Well I'll close the bedroom door and you can grab what you want out of the drawers." I did so and then went to check on the two extra potatoes. They were cooked enough, so I yanked them out with my telekinesis, unwrapped them and set them on the plates. Foil in the garbage can and I pulled the fridge open to get the drinks and cheese out.

As I was pulling the cheese out, I heard the bedroom door open and when I straightened up, I found Lucy smiling at me clad in what looked an awful lot like nothing but my fuzzy red bathrobe (I had seven, one for every day of the week). She had it tied firmly shut at the waist but that did basically nothing to cover those very long toned legs and it was _not _hard to see as much as I wanted of her figure. With her hair down and that big smile, I had to stop and stare as I wondered if she was aware of just how damn sexy she looked. She smirked a little as she noticed my blush and I decided, _Yep, she knows __**exactly **__what she's doing._

Then something registered a moment late and my gaze snapped back down, "Lucy. _What happened to your leg?_" She had an extremely large very angry looking black and purple bruise across her shin.

Lucy started in surprise and tucked the leg in question behind her other one, "Oh, I kinda tried to kick a chair off course during one of Natsu's brawls at the Guild Hall a few days ago. I should've just ducked but I was really angry."

"About what?" I asked, mentally noting that something _really _needed to be done about the guild's bar brawl problem.

"Apparently the entire guild's decided that you, me and Erza are the only ones capable of keeping Natsu in line," Lucy declared with more than a hint of irritation, "Seriously, I bring him back from a job without anything getting burned down _once_ and everyone acts like it's a miracle! Then Master sent us out on another job immediately, and when we made it back from _that one _with no extra damages, he declared that Natsu was never allowed to go on a job without you, me or Erza along again. I mean, technically it's just until Natsu pays off the _insane _debt he's racked up, but that lunatic's burned down like a dozen buildings in the last two months! That doesn't even _include _what happened at Hargeon! The Council covers half of the damages if the damages were incurred on a completed job for the Council, which thankfully most of Natsu's jobs are, but the Guild still has to foot the bill for the other half, and because Natsu usually works alone all the debt falls right square on him. I don't know how he manages to eat since every jewel he makes goes to paying off his debt and the Guild's membership fee!"

Lucy sank into a chair and covered her eyes with one hand, "Apparently this month is the first time he's actually made net progress on his debt in years!"

I felt a small shudder run down my spine, "He has to pay for _half the damage he's caused?"_ I still remembered Hargeon pretty dang vividly. If that was _normal _for Natsu, then he'd never pay off that much debt! Even if Natsu was only covering half of it, Hargeon alone would've probably been well over a billion jewel!

Lucy shook her head, "Master said the Guild's membership fees cover a fair deal of it, but Natsu still has to fork over most of his reward money because of how much insanely much damage he does. According to Master, if Natsu weren't so prone to collateral damage, he'd rake in more money for the guild than anyone except the S-Class, and possibly even more than them because he takes jobs so often."

I sat down and grimaced, "Do we have an actual _number _on how much debt he's in?"

"Two hundred and eighty four," Lucy replied flatly.

"…Thousand?" I asked hopefully.

"_Million,_" Lucy declared flatly.

I had expected that, but I still cringed at the sheer size of the figure, "_GOD _**DAMMIT **Natsu!"

Lucy nodded, "Mmhmm, and if he tries to skip out on it, then he gets a bounty on his head about equal to that." Then she looked at her potatoes, "This smells good, what is it?"

"Baked potato," I replied, "Don't tell me these aren't a thing here?"

Lucy shook her head and went to take a bite, "No, I've never heard of it." She ate a forkful and her eyes widened, "I'm going to need to do these more often though."

"Try it with the cheese and bacon bits," I grinned. She did and immediately dumped a gratuitous amount of both on her potatoes before digging in with gusto.

"Do you always eat this well?" She asked after slowing down a little.

I nodded, "Is pizza a thing here?"

Lucy blinked at me, "Pizza? Of course it is! Everyone knows _pizza_."

I nodded, "Ah, that's too bad. I could've made a fortune if I invented pizza." Then I grinned, "Oh well, entertainment's easier anyway."

Lucy blinked at me, "Entertainment?"

I shot her a sly look, "You liked Pirates of the Caribbean riiight? You do realize that I have _hundreds _of stories like that stored away in my head right? Are movies a thing here? I haven't seen any, but that doesn't mean they don't exist."

Lucy tilted her head, "Movies?"

"Vision lacrima recordings of theatrical performances which can be shot anywhere and are thus not constrained by the limitations of a theater set," I explained. Lucy's eyes widened and I grinned, "I take it that's a new one for you. _Well,_" I took a drink, "I'll have to contact the local theaters once we get a movie shot. The lacrima production will be a bit of a drain, but for the return movies usually see and with the sheer cinematic effect wizards can produce, it should be easy. Heck, I could probably even just record a mission and sell copies of the recording! Would probably help pay for the damages too…" I mused.

"Do you really think so?" Lucy asked curiously.

"It was a big enough thing in my world that nearly every house had the equivalent of a lacrima vision so that people could watch movies and broadcast shows. Calling it a multibillion dollar industry is an understatement," I told her with a grin, "If we pioneer TV itself? We'll be as big as the railroad industry. Possibly bigger."

I could almost _see _Lucy's eyes turning into Jewel symbols. We kept talking for over an hour and after her clothes got dry, I actually got a little kiss on the cheek before Lucy went up to her apartment for the night.

If I hadn't already been involved with Mira, I'd have seriously considered trying to persuade her into another good make out session…at minimum. I still very much remembered how much fun Lucy was to kiss, and this time I was guaranteed there'd be no rumbly stomachs to interrupt since we'd just eaten. Even _with_ my relationship with Mira in mind, I still had to bite my tongue something fierce to keep from trying to turn what I realized in retrospect could possibly have constituted a date into an…ahem…all night affair. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that even though Mira had _said _we weren't exclusive and that she didn't want anything serious, I'd still seen absolutely _no _evidence that she was even considering anyone else, and I _DAMN _sure wasn't about to go and risk my relationship with her for anything.

Doesn't mean the idea wasn't running through my mind for the rest of the evening until I fell asleep though…

…

…

I woke up at some obscene hour between midnight and morning and rolled over onto my back. I'd rolled onto my cast and I now had a lovely red patch across my chest. I was down to just a cast now rather than a cast and sling. It was, _refreshing_ to say the least, having at least some use of my arm back, but I was still getting used to not doing everything with my left hand. You wouldn't _think _I'd get used to only using my left so quickly that I'd have to start actively remembering to use my right, but I did.

I laid there for what might've been seconds or hours, blearily wondering what had woken me up. Then I heard something moving in the kitchen. I closed my eyes and listened carefully before reaching out with my telepathy. I took about two seconds to register who it was and then I got out of bed, pulled my pants on and stormed out to the kitchen bellowing, "NATSUUUUUUUUUUUUU! _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT AT THIS OBSCENE FUCKING HOUR OF THE MORNING?!_"

Judging by the deer in the headlights look Natsu and Happy were sporting in the erratic and wildly flickering light my rage was manifesting, my fury was _not _lost on them. Then I felt a slight tug on my magic and a moment later a pink haired figure appeared right behind Natsu and Happy. I blinked in surprise and Virgo smiled at my intruders crookedly, "Shall I throw them out Master?"

Natsu and Happy whirled and caught sight of Virgo just in time for me to shoot her a thumbs up, "Do it!" Virgo snapped her fingers and with a little burst of pink light a hole popped open under Natsu and Happy who fell through with squawks of surprise. The hole closed back up as soon as they were through. A moment later I heard a very loud splash from the canal outside as Natsu howled in surprise.

I blinked, "Virgo…did you just open a _portal?_"

Virgo grinned at me, her form glowing faintly in the dark, "Yeah. Since you have so many different kinds of magic, I can access yours and mix them with mine. Your Teleportation magic mixed with my Hole magic lets me make holes through space time. Really this is the biggest leap my magic has taken since I learned Hole magic."

I took a moment to process that, "So…we can use each others' magic?"

Virgo nodded, "That's right. A really big part of the Celestial bonding process is exchange of magical ability. Celestial wizards get stronger the more they summon us and we get to draw magic power from them to reinforce our own life force. Without our keys down here on Earth to absorb ethernano, we'd lose our strength and die quickly, that's why we have them. When a Celestial wizard contracts with us, we're able to form a symbiotic relationship with them. We protect and aid them, and in exchange, having our key and essence linked to them and their magic increases our ethernano intake. A side bonus is getting to acquire any types of magic our wizard has, but it's not one we get to use often because of how rare it is for Celestial Wizards to learn other types of magic. Leo and I have both gotten _incredible_ boosts to our magical abilities from being partnered with you," she added with a grin. Then she winked at me, "So, you want to learn Portal magic?"

I grinned from ear to ear, "Let's get started!"

**Next time on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven!_**

_The sixteen year old prodigy who was honestly Ariel, no, all of Mermaid Heel's pride and joy, sheathed her sword and whirled, whipping out a newspaper from Ariel didn't even really want to know where. Kagura pointed at the front page with an almost manic look in her eyes, "Master do you see this?"_

_ Ariel raised an eyebrow and then looked, smirking slightly, "Malba City's annual rutabaga festival is next week?"_

_ Kagura blinked and turned to look at the front page in confusion. Her eyebrows drew together and she raised her eyes to shoot a dry glare at the woman who was the closest thing she had to a mother, "Master, there's nothing on here about rutabagas."_


	12. Ch11,5: One Month - Elsewhere

**AN: **_Ok, special chapter this week, our first view at a few POV's besides Jerry's! But before we do that, Reviewer Replies! :D_

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_Glad you liked it, especially since we've got two more of these nice little chill sorta chapters this week and next before we get to some serious excitement again._

**_Reptil:_**_I believe the magic share and other info last chapter regarding Celestial Wizardry is semi-canon at best. It's my personal head canon as to why the Celestial Spirits have keys and contracts at all, and I derived it from what hints and details we get about how Celestial Magic works, so like I said, semi-canon? There are currently no planned original keys, but that's no guarantee that there won't be any. As for what kinds of magic Jerry can use, certainly, I'll throw a list in after the end of this chapter!_

**_Raidentensho:_**_Yes indeed, if Jerry's successfully able to "invent" the movie industry, then he and all of Fairy Tail will be absolutely ROLLING in the jewel. Yes Jenny's Mecha-Soul certainly does pose some interesting possibilities that I had honestly quite forgotten about with it being so far in the future, but now that you bring it up, yes I just might have to do something with that._

**_And now, without further ado..._**

**Chapter 11.5: One Month – Elsewhere**

...

==August 1st, Era, a little after 5:00 PM==

...

Siegrain read over the letter again and couldn't help but smirk at the audacity of the Fairy Tail guild. None of it was obviously worded to be directly insulting, but nevertheless Makarov and the team that had been involved at Oshibana had somehow _still_ managed to insult every member of the Magic Council, up to and including the implications that they were incompetent, smelled bad, into freaky stuff with their private lives that he hadn't even realized were a thing, and that their mothers dressed them funny. All this _on top _of subtly pointing out that they had gotten the absolute best results possible with the damages caused being the result of a giant demon trying to go on a rampage which they stopped in mere minutes.

It had taken Org a few minutes and two or three read throughs to catch even a hint of the insults although he'd picked up on the unusual tone of the letter immediately. To say he'd been red faced with fury would be an understatement, especially as he had realized on the second read through that for once, there was exactly _squat _he could blame Fairy Tail for. They had acted perfectly in accordance with the laws regarding wizard guilds and no less than five loopholes had been both pointed out and exploited to prove it. There were also no less than half a dozen case files attached to the leeter to establish precedent that proved the law was perfectly on Fairy Tail's side. They couldn't even charge Fairy Tail for the damages! The Council's hands were _thoroughly _tied.

Siegrain's eyes flicked down to the cluster of signatures at the bottom. Only one was unfamiliar to him from previous reports.

"I suppose this Jerry Granger must be responsible for this… mockery," Ultear declared from her soft chair across the desk, "I've heard speculation that Mystogan was involved on this one, do you suppose that's his real name?"

Siegrain shook his head at the gorgeous woman who also happened to be his closest confidant, "No. I've met Mystogan, this isn't his style, and the magic doesn't match up either. Mystogan is an extremely formidable wizard, and I believe he could have accomplished a feat like this, but the letter isn't like him at all, neither is the manner in which they defeated Eisenwald. If it had been Mystogan, the Eisenwald Guild wouldn't have even known he was there until they were waking up in prison." He snorted with laughter, "You have to admit, whoever he is, he's actually pretty funny. Can you _imagine _the look on Erigor's face?"

Ultear took a moment and then sniggered into her hand, "It must've been _priceless._ Doesn't excuse the letter, but it must've been pretty funny."

Siegrain snorted, "The letter is almost an excuse in its own right." He grinned, "Did you _see _Org's face? Just that second read through when he realized that he couldn't pin _squat _on Fairy Tail and actually kind of owes them a _reward_ was probably the funniest thing I've seen all month!"

Ultear smirked at the memory before musing, "I have to wonder if this Jerry Granger is going to be Fairy Tail's new legal defense. If so then he may prove to be an even bigger thorn in the Council's collective side than the rest of Fairy Tail combined!"

Siegrain snorted, "It would certainly cut down on our revenue. The damage collections from Fairy Tail alone accounted for almost twenty percent of the donations for guilds across the entire country last quarter, and they've been quite consistent in that. On top of that, since so many of their jobs are for the council, we've actually been getting top notch services nearly for free because they have to pay so much back in damages. Even with the council's policy about covering half of the damages caused for official jobs, the amount we save makes it hardly a pittance, especially considering that it comes out of the total pool for _all _wizard guild damages. I still don't know why Org hates dealing with them so much. They're a hundred times more effective than the Rune Knights and cheaper to boot."

Ultear waved the letter at him in answer and he snorted, "Well yes there _is _their attitude, but really, that's nothing when you measure it up against their results. When's the last time a Fairy Tail team actually _failed_ a job for us?"

Ultear shrugged, "Hard to say. Still though, do you think we should do anything about this Jerry Granger?"

Siegrain set down the letter and picked up the report on the Oshibana Incident, quickly opening it to the page detailing the aftermath, "It says here he got caught up in the initial build up to the Lullaby's life draining spell and was badly affected. He's also speculated to have driven himself to near total magic exhaustion immediately prior to falling victim to the Lullaby's spell. Judging by the effects, I think it even helps explain how the Lullaby's magic worked."

Ultear perked up immediately. Siegrain was a lot of things, but wrong was rarely one of them. He may have become one of the Ten Wizard Saints because of his power, but it was his instinct for profound insight into the workings of magic that made him that strong to begin with. So if he had an idea of how magic from the legendary Black Wizard Zeref worked… "Do tell!"

"It seems to be a magic draining spell," Siegrain explained, "Normally you wouldn't see such horrid results so quickly, but since Jerry Granger had already driven himself to near magic exhaustion he had no reserves for it to eat through, therefore it was able to start eating straight out of his life force without the buffer a person's magic would normally provide. It's like instant and severe Magic Deficiency Syndrome forced through an aerial drain attack. The structure of the Lullaby lends further credence to the idea as we know that wood and plant life can sustain vast amounts of magic, and given that the Lullaby becomes a massive wooden demon, it would certainly be able to withstand any but the most absurd overload." He snorted, "You could probably fire the Etherion at that thing while it was hungry and it would just thank you for the snack before stepping on you. It must've been terribly fragile though for them to have defeated it so quickly."

Ultear raised an eyebrow, "It was rooted in place and faced with the undivided attentions of Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster and your favorite red head." Siegrain shot her a mild glare as she continued, "There aren't many things that _could _put up a good fight in those circumstances, especially given how big it was."

Siegrain nodded, "It would've been far more effective in its flute form. Despite the lack of self-defensive capabilities, it would've been much more difficult to hit and its spell would've likely remained just as potent. Kinda makes you wonder about the validity of even having a giant demon at your beck and call."

Ultear raised an eyebrow at the subtle jab, "At this point, it's more a revenge thing."

Siegrain smirked and spun his chair, "Suuure it is."

When he spun back to the front, Ultear was right next to him, her hand clamping onto the top of the chair to stop it from moving as she leaned over, her dark hair falling around her face like an inky black curtain as her eyes bored into his. Ultear's displeasure was all but palpable between them. Siegrain grimaced as he realized he probably shouldn't have said that. He went pale and a bead of sweat may or may not have run down his back. _Time for Plans A and D!_

His grimace turned into his best attempt at a sincere and apologetic smile, "Alright, hey I'm sorry you know? I shouldn't have brought that up. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you?"

Ultear smirked and turned, easily tugging him from his chair to tow him along behind her, "I knew you'd see it my way."

…

==Somewhere in West Fiore, 7:18 PM==

…

The massive man with one arm tucked into his arm like a sling snarled at the paper in his hand before throwing it down. The raven haired little girl doing pushups while he sat on her flinched before redoubling her pace, praying that she wouldn't be the target of his ire the way she so often was.

The massive man simmered with rage, _One day, MY GUILD will be the strongest. _He shot a glare down at his daughter, _Why couldn't I have had a daughter like Erza Scarlet?_

"I'm sorry!" the poor child beneath him squeaked, "I'll get stronger, I promise! I'll be even stronger than Erza Scarlet!"

Jiemma realized belatedly that he must've said that out loud and then he snorted derisively, "You'd better, worthless brat."

Minerva bit her lip. The words stung, they always had. She had started to build up a tolerance to it, but she was nowhere near an immunity.

…

==Akane Beach, 8:15 PM==

…

At a bar on the beach, three men sat around a table waiting for their friend. She was fifteen minutes late.

"There you are," the immense man rumbled through his iron jaw as one of his oldest and dearest friends ran up.

The girl with cat ears pouted at him, "I was getting a helpless kitty out of a tree!"

The small blonde man next to the man with the iron jaw grinned, "We figured as much. We went ahead and ordered for you."

The cat girl frowned, "What did you order?"

"We got you the tuna," the third man drawled, "Unless you're gonna tell me you didn't want your favorite fish for dinner?"

"THANK YOU!" Milliana exclaimed as she tackled him in a hug before seeming to teleport into a chair, deeply excited about the prospect of her favorite dinner.

"You and your tuna," Simon smirked, "Never fails to baffle me how you can always get so excited about it. You eat the same thing every day!"

Milliana pouted at him, "It's good!"

Wally laughed, "Can't deny that, they do serve up a pretty mean tuna sandwich here."

It was at about this point that Sho decided to broach the topic, running a hand through his messy blonde hair, "So, has anyone else seen the papers?"

The other three looked at him, Simon going a little stiff at the mention of it. "No," Milliana replied, "Why? Did something happen?"

"Just show them," Simon grumbled as he reached for his drink.

Sho produced a copy of the weekly paper and plopped it on the table with the headline reading, "OSHIBANA TOWN SAVED! FAIRY TAIL VS DARK GUILD AND GIANT DEMON!" It wasn't the headline that caught his friends' attention though. It was the picture, five wizards walking (well, four walking, one was out cold and being carried by two of his friends) away from the wreckage of a building with dozens of wizards frozen in ice behind them, in the lead was…

"Erza…" Milliana whispered in surprise.

"Nice to see she's doing so well for herself," Wally mused, "Wonder how much of that was her doing? She looks like she's perfectly fine."

"How can she look that _perfect _after a fight like that?!" Milliana exclaimed.

"She's _Erza_," Simon declared bluntly, "She always looks good. Oh be quiet," he grumbled as the other three shot him knowing looks and tried to cover their snickers.

…

==Mermaid Heel, 9:30 PM==

…

Mermaid Heel's Guild Master, Ariel Finnegan liked to think of herself as a very patient woman. She loved all her girls very much, and while they could be trying sometimes, she knew they were all far better behaved and well mannered than probably ninety percent of the rest of the wizards in Fiore.

Which made the issue currently facing her, a bit…tricky. "Kagura, please. You need to rest! Haven't you practiced enough for one day?"

The sixteen year old prodigy who was honestly Ariel, no, all of Mermaid Heel's pride and joy, sheathed her sword and whirled, whipping out a newspaper from Ariel didn't even really want to know where. Kagura pointed at the front page with an almost manic look in her eyes, "Master do you _see this?_"

Ariel raised an eyebrow and then looked, smirking slightly, "Malba City's annual rutabaga festival is next week?"

Kagura blinked and turned to look at the front page in confusion. Her eyebrows drew together and she raised her eyes to shoot a dry glare at the woman who was the closest thing she had to a mother, "Master, there's nothing on here about rutabagas."

Ariel nodded and sighed, "You're talking about Erza Scarlet taking down a giant demon in Oshibana town right?"

"_In less than fifteen minutes!" _Kagura exclaimed, "She's so strong! I'm nowhere near her level yet! I have to keep training!" So saying she turned, drew her sword and unleashed a slash loaded with gravity magic that split the waves almost a hundred meters into the surf. Ariel raised an eyebrow, Kagura could normally split the surf twice that far out.

Ariel sighed and laid a hand on her strongest pupil's shoulder, "_Kagura." _Kagura flinched at the firm tone and Ariel continued gently, "You are extremely strong. I often think you don't realize just _how _strong. I think even Erza Scarlet would be terribly impressed with your strength." Kagura blushed at the praise and Ariel continued, "However I'm sure Erza Scarlet would _also _tell you how important it is to rest and not drive yourself into the ground. What if she dropped by tomorrow and you were all worn out and disheveled from training all night?"

Kagura would never admit to actually _squeaking _at the thought, but Ariel had made her point. She smiled, "So come inside, take a nice bath, and when you're done, I'll fix you something to eat. How's that sound?"

Kagura nodded and sheathed her sword, finally allowing herself to admit how tired she actually was, "Alright. Thanks Mo-…Master."

Ariel's heart skipped a beat, "Did, did you just call me Mom?"

Kagura blushed crimson, "I'm really sorry! I didn't mean…"

Then she was wrapped in a hug and Ariel told her quietly, "Don't be. I consider the whole guild my family. I don't guess I've ever said it, but if I ever had a daughter, I'd want her to be just like you. So if you want to call me Mom, I'm okay with that."

Kagura decided right then and there as happy tears began to build and then pour down her face that she would never call Ariel Finnegan "Master" again.

…

==Magnolia, 10:30 PM==

…

Lucy sat down to her desk and began write…

_Dear Mom,_

_Paid my rent today for the first time. Jerry still insists there's no need, but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't._

_Wound up having dinner with him. Can you believe he's a good cook on top of everything else? Can't believe my luck. I meet one of the hottest guys I've ever seen and not only is he smart, cool and thoughtful, he actually thinks I'm really pretty too! Too bad he met Mirajane as soon as we got to Fairy Tail, there's no way I can compete with her._

_It's even worse because I can't even be upset with her. She's so sweet that even if he had actually been mine to steal, I don't think I'd be able to stay angry at her! She helped settle down one of those insane brawls today and I don't think she knew I was listening, but I think I actually heard her chewing Natsu out for letting me get dragged through that pigsty today._

_Natsu's a great guy too, but he's so weird sometimes. He'll just jump right in against a monster, and I know he'll save me if I'm ever actually in danger, but he's so freakishly tough that I'm not sure he understands what constitutes danger for normal people like me! He sat there and laughed while that stupid monster boar dragged me all over the farm! I don't even want to think about what I got covered in!_

_I know I don't say it enough, but thank you so much for teaching me Celestial Magic, if I hadn't had Taurus, I don't think we would've stopped that boar before it destroyed something and we got charged for it. I think Natsu would've waited for me to let go, but I wasn't going to let go until I absolutely had to. It's super infuriating because he could've totally turned that stupid pig into bacon in like a minute, but nooo, he had to sit back and laugh at me try to do the job he dragged me along on!_

_To make matters worse, apparently everyone's decided that now me, Jerry and Erza are the only ones who can keep Natsu in line, so he's not allowed to go on jobs without one of us along anymore! He's terrified of Erza and definitely won't go to her, Jerry's still recovering from that avalanche and that run-in we had with Eisenwald last week, so guess who his number one pick is?_

_If he wasn't such a stupid childish __prick__he'd be a total catch, but the way he acts I just can't even see him that way!_

_On the upside, Jerry was totally concerned about me when I got back, and I __know__he was checking me out over dinner. I might not be able to compete with Mirajane, but if those two ever break up, I've totally got a shot with him!_

Lucy stifled a yawn, looked over at the clock on her wall and raised an eyebrow as she saw it was after 11:00, she turned back to her letter and quickly wrapped it up,

_It's getting late, so I'm going to stop here for tonight. Tell you more next time,_

_Lots of love,_

_Lucy_

…

==Meanwhile, Era==

…

Siegrain and Ultear collapsed onto the bed, their chests heaving in unison. Ultear wrapped her arms around her favorite toy and kissed him, "_You_, are a _very _bad boy."

Siegrain grinned and held her a little tighter, "Only for you."

Ultear snuggled into his chest with a smile, "Mmm…damn well better be."

...

**END** **CHAPTER**

**...**

**AN: **_Ok! As promised, a list of all the magic Jerry can use as of this chapter!_

_..._

_=Light magic: Explosive bolt, invisibility, illusion-making, Desire, Blackout Mode_

_=Archive: Telepathy and telepathic 'radar', screen projection, screen shield_

_=Telekinetic_

_=Teleportation_

_=Hole Magic: Portals_

_=Celestial Spirit Magic_

_=Card Magic: Bullet Card, Card Car, Card Dimension_

_=Crash Magic: Standard and Decomposition_

_=Transformation (limited to substances, can't transform himself yet)_

_..._

_This is pretty much his standard set and will remain such for the next...(goes and checks schedule)...few dozen chapters I think. I can go ahead and confirm that his next new type of magic is going to be another potent combination type, but I'm not saying what it is until time for its debut. By my current estimates, it should make its first appearance this coming spring or early summer. The arc preceding and leading into that one is taking a while and I don't know quite how long its going to be yet, I just know that it's going to be the most epic one yet...until I try to one up it with that next one. All I can tell you about what to expect for it is the following: Trains, storms, and Gajeel singing._


	13. Ch12: Gone Fishing

**AN:** _As always before we get started, Reviewer Replies!_

**_Reptil:_**_Glad you liked it, I was a little tentative about how to go about that chapter, so I'm pleased that it went over well. As for a weapon, Jerry's strongest weapon is and always will be his mind, but that doesn't mean he won't pick up some weapon or other as the story goes on. You'll probably be able to guess what it is before it's confirmed, but that's going to be quite a ways off yet._

**_Raidentensho:_**_The Mira pairing will stay for at least a while longer yet although as I said in one of these notes a few chapters ago, I can't guarantee that it'll be the 'end pairing' because of Mira's firm stance on 'nothing serious', but in regards to Jerry x Mira, I think you're going to really like this chapter. He won't date Juvia, but they will get along extremely well. Yes Pirates of the Caribbean will likely be Jerry's first major motion picture, and yes Hisui will be a fan (along with most of Fiore). No gold dust on Erza's armor, too expensive, especially considering how insanely vast her collection is. Regarding the poison armor, she just might procure some, but it won't be Jerry's idea. Can't let him have ALL the good ideas. It's much more likely that she'll meet a certain someone and think, "Wow, poison is scary. I need something to fight that..." which I'm pretty sure is the reason for about 99% of the armor and weapons she's got. Erza nearly gets her butt kicked, Erza decides 'Never again', Erza goes out and gets some armor and weapons to make damn sure it never happens again._

**Chapter 12 – Gone Fishing**

**…**

**…**

I was a bit surprised when Elfman showed up at my apartment the next afternoon, but I invited him in. He stepped in, having to duck his head to fit through the door. I tugged a chair out with my foot in passing as I led him into the kitchen, "Care to sit? I'll feel weird sitting if you stand."

Elfman sat at the small kitchen table and was quiet until after I had fished a drink from the fridge, offered him one, and sat across from him. "So," I asked with an amiable smile, "What brings you by Elfman?"

Elfman studied his cup for a moment, "What are your intentions towards my sister?"

I was quiet for a moment and then I nodded and exhaled, "I figured that's what it was. Mira's…amazing. She's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met, she's smart and sweet and I honestly very much enjoy being around her. If you're asking do I intend to have sex with her, then the answer is only if she wants to. No man would force himself on a lady. If you're asking do I intend to marry her, then the answer is currently no. I have no plans to marry her or even ask. The founding premise of whatever relationship we have is that we are just intimate friends. I asked her before we even began if she would accept and reciprocate romantic attachment from me, and she asked that I not harbor such feelings. Until such time as she decides that she wishes for our relationship to be more than just intimate friends, I'll not violate the trust she's put in me by letting my heart fall into her lap. If she wants to give me hers, then I'll accept and return the favor as the happiest man in the world. Otherwise, she is just one of my very dearest friends in the whole world."

I looked up from my drink and across the table at Elfman, "Does that answer your question Elfman?"

Elfman crossed his arms and looked troubled, "I wanna say it's unmanly of you to not marry Mira before you have sex with her, but at the same time, it would be even more unmanly to do exactly what she asked you not to."

"You know we haven't had sex yet right?" I asked him bluntly.

He actually flinched in surprise, "Huh? But I thought…I mean everyone's saying…"

I barked out a short small laugh, "No, she's probably seen _me_ naked because of the fact that she's helped Ms. Porlyusica bandage my wounds and take care of me, but we've never gone beyond heated kissing." I took a drink and clarified, "Not that I don't _want_ to go further, I am a man after all, but as I said, a real man would never force himself on a lady, so I'm leaving the ball in her court. I'll play whenever she wishes, but it's entirely at her discretion, and I think she likes it that way. She loves teasing you know."

Elfman barked out a small laugh, "Trust me man, you have _no_ _idea. _Let me tell you about when we were younger…" And so we spent an hour discussing Mirajane's previous mischief. Apparently, she was actually quite the little hellcat back in her heyday.

I was quite surprised, and Mira was mildly mortified when she learned Elfman had told me about it.

Then I kissed her and told her that I thought her mischievous side was kind of hot. She blushed for a moment before grinning mischievously and proceeding to push me down into a chair to show me just how good she really was at teasing. Of all the cartoony anime quirks to not inhabit the Fairy Tail world, I think nosebleeds are the ones whose absence I am most glad of, as I would definitely have bled to death through the nose before she finished detailing the first of her fantasies. I couldn't have imagined how much I had underestimated Mira's dirty mind, but her excitedly whispered fantasies and the feel of her breath on my neck and her body in my lap were enough to thoroughly convince me that if I ever did get her naked it would be the ride of a lifetime.

Then I voiced the thought and she asked if I wanted to try it. The answer of course was yes and we then proceeded to make the rumors about the steaminess of our relationship not only true, but a bit of an understatement.

…

…

I cracked my eyes open and the grin that hadn't left my face for…I wasn't sure how long, widened a little at the head full of snow white hair lying on the pillow next to me. I had no idea how long Mirajane and I had been at my apartment. At least a few meals, two or three extremely steamy showers and a lot of in-between sleep had passed, but I hadn't been keeping count.

I wasn't sure what had woken me, and just as I was about to nod back off, I heard the knock on the door again. I raised up a little and frowned in the direction of the front door. I gently disentangled myself from Mira and gave her a kiss as I whispered, "back in a sec…" I got up, retrieved my pants and headed for the door.

My hand was less than a foot from the doorknob when Natsu blew the door down and burst in, "JERRYYY! Oh hey Jerry! Are you alive in here?"

My eye twitched at him, my hand still extended to where I had been about to open the door. "**Idiot**," I declared after a moment, "I was _less than two feet from opening the door._"

Natsu scratched his head, "But we've been knocking for half an hour…"

I blinked, "Oh…sorry, I was having a _really_ good sleep, but you still shouldn't have knocked down my door!"

"We were worried," Erza declared as she poked her head through the door, "You haven't been by the Guild Hall in nearly a week, and Mirajane's been missing as well. The only time Mirajane's not at the guild regularly is when she's out on a job or gone on vacation. She would've let us know if she were going on vacation, and she hasn't gone on a job in years. We were wondering if you'd seen her? We've been asking around, but even Elfman doesn't know where she is."

I blinked, "Wow, Lucy's _really_ good at keeping quiet. There's no way she didn't know. I don't think these walls are _that_ sound proof…"

"Know what?" Gray asked with a frown.

"That I've been here shagging my new boytoy's brains out for…how long did you say?" Mira declared from the bedroom door. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that she was dressed in nothing but my fuzzy black bathrobe and her hair was still gloriously disheveled from the near week of constant lovemaking. She looked so luscious with that smug little grin as she leaned against the door frame that it was all I could do not to toss our friends out, prop the door up and pounce her…maybe even skip the tossing our friends out and propping the door up thing.

I turned back to Natsu, Gray, Happy and Erza and grinned from ear to ear as they all gaped at me. Then Mira looked at Natsu, "I'm kind of surprised you didn't figure it out. Your nose is usually pretty good."

Natsu looked puzzled and then he went ghostly pale, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SMELLING WHEN I COME TO VISIT LUCY?!"

Mira walked over and draped her arms around my shoulders as she set her chin on my shoulder, "Yep! Now would you mind letting us finish? I've only got a few more safe days this month, so I'd kind of like to finish working through that bottle of lube we started. There's only a little bit left." Natsu, Happy and Gray's jaws hit the floor as Erza blushed as red as her hair. Then Mira winked at them, "So Natsu, Gray and Happy, go home. You can stay and join us if you want to Erza."

Erza somehow blushed even _more_ crimson and nearly fainted as Mirajane laughed. I was immediately ready for the next round and quickly shooed Natsu, Gray and Happy out. Mira guided Erza out and I set the door back up into its frame before forcing the broken hinges and lock back together with my magic.

Mira leaned against the wall with a smile and a sigh, "I guess we had better hurry and finish huh? We must've been going at it for a while now if they got so worried they sent those three to check on us. How long did they say we'd been going at it?"

"Nearly a week," I replied with a touch of embarrassed pride. Best. Week. EVER.

Mira went pale and quickly counted on her fingers before sighing with relief, "Alright, we'll have to finish today and tonight. Even as amazing as you are, we don't know each other nearly well enough for you to be getting me pregnant." Then she wrapped her arms around me and added with a kiss, "_Yet._"

I kissed her back and then I remembered something, "Oh, by the way Mira, I almost forgot…" I kissed her gently, "Thanks for the birthday present."

Mirajane blinked at me in surprise, "Birthday present?" I nodded and explained that the day we'd started our little multiday marathon had coincidentally been my birthday. "I wasn't even thinking about it at the time," I admitted, "I was too focused on you, but now that I think about it, today's the seventh. We've been going at it for five days, so…" I kissed her again, "Thanks for the best birthday ever."

Mira looked thoughtful, "I wish you had told me, I would've made a cake." I kissed her, "Then next year, we'll have cake," I leaned in close and added in a mischievous whisper, "and I'll lick it off you." Mira gave a little squeak of scandalized excitement and we didn't make it back to the bed before we started again.

…

…

I was not expecting to be greeted with cheers when Mirajane and I walked into the guild hall the next morning. I thought the sheer volume was gonna blow my cape back like a gale force breeze. Mira blushed as pink as her dress. After my face managed to pull itself back into its proper position from where the hurricane force cheering had all but pushed the flesh and bandages off my skull backwards, I grimaced, "They told everyone didn't they?"

"Yep," Mira replied as she eyed her guildmates. Then she sighed, "Well, guess it's a good thing I don't mind them knowing."

"Should I keep the details to myself?" I muttered out the corner of my mouth.

Mira shrugged with a smile, "You can if you want to, but you don't have to. It's nothing worth getting worked up about. I gotta go make sure Wren and Katy kept everything under control while I was out, see you later!"

She strolled on across the guild and I was immediately swamped by a tidal wave of guys wanting details. I was immediately uncomfortable. I like entertaining, I do _not_ like being surrounded by lots of people clamoring to ask me questions. I resisted the urge to simply blow them back the way I had Eisenwald and instead sprang to the ceiling, using my telekinesis to cling to the ceiling, "Keep ya leerin' to ya selves!" I shouted, "Ya ain't gettin' _squat_ outta me!"

I flew down to the bar and landed by Master Makarov as the guild's entire population of horny males groaned. Then they tried to follow me over anyway and were met with a bomb shot aimed right at them, "_MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF. SEE WHAT HAPPENS."_

I don't think I've ever seen that many people come so close to shitting themselves in unison. They immediately dispersed and went back to what they were doing. Things were quiet for a moment and then Cana, who I hadn't realized was sitting next to Master Makarov, looked up from her drink with a lecherous grin, "Wow, was it really that bad that you don't wanna talk about it?"

I snorted, "Three thousand three hundred and forty seven. Archive lets me keep count of anything I have memory of."

Cana frowned, "What's…" then her eyes widened as she realized what I was talking about, "Was that you or her?"

Mirajane grinned over her shoulder as she made her way behind the bar, "And I didn't fake a single one." I seriously thought Cana's jaw was going to legitimately hit the ground. Cana looked at me and sized me up quickly before turning back to Mira, "Is he just _that good?_"

"That's about half of it," Mira replied as though it were the most mundane topic in the world, "The other half is that for some reason his magic can directly induce pleasure for whoever he's using it on. To his credit, he doesn't rely on it nearly as much as you'd think he would. It's a supplement, not his entire style."

Cana looked over at me, "So you could make a girl cum just by hitting her with your magic?"

I thought about it, "I'm not sure. If you'd like to try it and Mira doesn't mind, I could try." Mira smirked and told me to go ahead before reminding me that we weren't exclusive. I nodded and turned back to Cana, "Ready?"

Cana downed the rest of her drink and turned to face me with a mischievous grin. She leaned against the back of her chair and crossed her legs, "Hit me handsome."

"Never done it with just my magic before, so it might not work, but you should feel something," I declared, "And I'm probably going to stare. It helps." Cana told me to look all I liked. I nodded, "Alright, here we go…"

I started taking in every detail of the gorgeous young woman in front of me. Her eyes were a purplish blue and they twinkled with mischief almost as much as Mira's. Her face was very nicely shaped and the dark chocolatey brown hair was just begging to have fingers tangled in it while those full pink lips were having the booze kissed off them. That long neck and collarbone I wanted to trail kisses down on my way to the main event, good grief what a rack! Perfectly taught and full orbs of flesh that I was just dying to test the sensitivity of and, dear god were those her nipples poking through? My lust went through the roof as I noticed that and I'm certain I blushed as I imagined tasting them. Then Cana gasped in pleasure and I knew I was on the right track with this whole pleasure magic thing.

I imagined running my lips down those perfect sexy abs to her waistline and sliding her pants off while copping a feel of that gorgeous ass and long lissome legs at the same time, and then Cana shook. She let out a little gasp of, "Oh god…" and nearly fell off her barstool. I blinked and shut the magic off to observe Cana's flushed red face, the heaving chest and slightly stunned, starstruck expression as she looked at me like I was from outer space.

Then, right before the guild hall erupted in whatever over the top reaction they were about to have…the guild hall had been so quiet while I did my thing that I knew they were watching intently and were probably going to have some sort of over the top reaction…a wave of magic washed through the guild hall. I heard Makarov mutter, "Mystogan…" Then the entire guild was suddenly groaning complaints and falling out in short order.

I leapt up as Mira collapsed, "MIRA!" "It's fine…just a sleep spell…" Makarov mumbled, clearly half asleep himself and struggling to remain conscious, "He always does this…Why aren't…you…being affected?"

"A good question," A deep rich voice asked from behind me. I whirled and saw a man with five staffs, four on his back and one in his hand. His face was covered by a pair of navy blue bandannas even more thoroughly than mine was by my bandages, and he wore a cape over some strange shirt like garment and a mess of bandages that seemed to cover every inch of him. He had the oddest pants I've ever seen, they looked almost like big stiff cloth tea cups rising up from his knees.

I raised a glowing hand and growled, "Master, who is this guy?" _Do I need to blast the ever living hell out of him?_

Mystogan raised a hand and lifted the sleep spell from Makarov. Master Makarov popped up fresh as a daisy, "Ah, that's right, you haven't been here long. Jerry, meet Mystogan, he's one of our S-Class wizards, like Erza and Mirajane. He has a very annoying habit of putting everyone in the guild to sleep whenever he comes in to get a job," he added with a pointed glare at the masked wizard before continuing, "Mystogan, this here's Jerry. He's from another dimension on the other side of Edolas. He just arrived recently."

Mystogan's eyebrows went up, "So you're…" Then he nodded, "Ah, I see. That explains why my magic doesn't affect you." Then he pulled down the bandanna covering his face and smiled, "It's nice to meet you." He quickly pulled it back up and glanced over his shoulder as I gaped at him (the resemblance to the picture of that guy I'd been told was one of the magic council was _not_ lost on me). Then he turned back to me, "If you'd like to discuss it more, we can. I have a little time to spare."

I nodded, "I think that's probably a good idea. We shouldn't stay here with a sleeping spell on all of them though. It's a little rude you know." Mystogan nodded, "Yes, let me grab a job right quick and we'll head somewhere a bit more private."

"Wow. You really _do _look like him," a voice drawled from upstairs. Me, Mystogan and Master Makarov turned and saw a blonde man in a furry coat that he wore like a cape with an asshole grin leering down at us, "So _that's_ why you cover up your face all the time. I kind of suspected you know, but now that I know for sure it makes _total_ sense. I wouldn't want to look like that guy either."

Then from halfway across the guild hall where she'd finally shaken off the effects of the sleep spell and returned to her feet, Erza said, "Well Mystogan, it's nice to finally meet you. I have to say I quite agree with Jerry though, the sleep spell thing is very rude."

Mystogan suddenly looked like a turtle as he pulled his head down inside his cape and hissed, _"Not one word._"

I blinked as I realized he had an absolutely neon blush going on. It took a second and then I grinned, "Ahhh! _THAT _makes sense!" I laughed, "Don't worry if he doesn't turn around Erza, it's not that he doesn't want to meet you, he's just shy. Apparently _somebody's_ got a thing for redheads." Mystogan gave me an absolute death glare as the asshole blonde guy I later learned to be Laxus and Master joined me in howling with laughter.

Erza blushed in surprise, "Oh, well…I'm…very flattered. Thank you Mystogan," she said with a smile.

Mystogan was blushing as red as Erza's hair, I could tell even through the teeny little gap in his bandannas. I grinned, "Duuude, turn around! She's smiling at you!" I kid you not, _steam_ erupted out of Mystogan's mask from the heat of his blush and I couldn't help cackling. Then Laxus started singing, "Mystogan and Erza sittin' in a tree…" Mirajane snapped awake to join him in the chorus, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Apparently, Mira's teasing instincts were vastly more powerful than Mystogan's sleep spell. Then she realized what was going on and leaned across the bar excitedly, "Oh my god, are you Mystogan?!"

Mystogan waved timidly, "Um, hello." Then he started side shuffling towards the request board, "I'm…just going to get a job and go hide somewhere now…" He ran to the request board, grabbed one, turned to us, "I'm taking this one!" he declared in a panicked voice as he waved the flier at us. Then he bolted out the door and his sleep spell went with him.

I blinked as I realized possibly the most interesting person I'd met since arriving at Fairy Tail was getting away, "WAIT FOR ME!"

…

…

After catching up to Mystogan and having a chat that lasted probably two or three hours as he detailed Edolas's magic problem, their crazy king's plot to fix the problem, and the reason why he was so panicky around Erza, I headed back to the guild hall, thinking hard about what we had discussed.

The instant I got back, "Hey Levy! You still here?!"

The entire guild turned to look at me and then Levy called back, "Yeah I'm still here! What's up?"

"Got a brain teaser from Mystogan I need your help with!" I declared as I walked over, "How are ya with making lacrima?"

"_Making_ lacrima?" Levy asked curiously, "Why does Mystogan need a lacrima? More importantly, what does he need one to _do?_"

"Basically we're trying to make a Blackout Mode lacrima," I explained quietly, "Mystogan's actually a Holder Type wizard. A Blackout Mode lacrima would help him out big time." That was nowhere near the extent of what he needed it for, but if we could get him even a small one, then he'd be able to solve Edolas's magic problem.

The entirety of Team Shadowgear looked like I had just told them that the moon actually _was_ made of cheese, "MYSTOGAN'S A HOLDER TYPE?!" There was a roar of disbelief from the rest of the guild as Team Shadowgear's incredulous shout registered with them.

"That's incredible," Levy declared after a moment, "Holder type wizards usually have a really hard time competing with Caster types, but Mystogan's S-Class anyway! That's amazing!" Then she spun on her barstool, "GAAAAAH I WANNA PICK HIS BRAINS SO BAD NOW! He must be a freaking genius!"

I grinned at her, "Bet if we make him that lacrima he'll let you pick his brains all you want."

Levy caught my hand and had me flapping along in the breeze like a kite behind her as she excitedly dragged me, "TO THE ARCHIVES!"

…

…

That night, I headed home grinning from ear to ear. It had taken me and Levy all day, but I was pretty sure we had figured out a spell to make the Blackout Mode lacrima. Master had come and told us that if we were successful then we had to be super secret about it, we weren't even allowed to tell anyone what Blackout Mode was for fear that somebody would try to steal what would be basically a source of infinite magic power thanks to the nature of Blackout Mode. He didn't stop us and was actually quite interested to see if we could pull it off, so we chugged right on along.

Now though as I found my apartment door slightly open, and I was certain I hadn't left it that way, I conjured a bomb shot into my hand and cautiously probed the room with my telepathy before I prepared to enter. I sighed and snuffed the bomb shot out as I recognized the mental signature.

I pushed the door open with my shoulder and went in, "Hey Cana, what brings you by?"

Cana was draped over my couch, looking supremely wasted as she laid there with one arm dangling over the edge with a bottle still tangled in her fingers. She lifted her head weakly and groaned. Then she sat up and rubbed some of the sleep from her eyes, "Hey Jerry, sorry for breaking in. I wanted to come by and apologize for being such a bitch to you the other day. It's not your fault you've got the same magic he does, and then you even showed me how to use it and I just felt really bad for treating you like it was some sort of crime just to have that magic…just wanted to apologize…"

She got up and started staggering towards the door. I had to lunge forward and catch her as she almost tripped, "Easy there Cana." It wasn't easy to pull her back to her feet, she was limp as a noodle and I really only had one arm and my telekinesis to work with, but I did, and then I pushed her back over onto the couch. She landed with a little grunt and the springs in the couch squawked in protest. I gave Cana a slightly critical gaze, "Cana, where do you live?"

She mumbled that she lived across town and I shook my head, "No. I am not letting a beautiful young lady like you stagger her way home after dark. Some jack ass would get ideas and might hurt you. No way in hell am I letting that happen. You're staying right here tonight and if I have to knock you out to keep you from leaving I will."

"You're not the boss of me," Cana slurred in annoyance as she tried to get up again despite her legs not cooperating.

I sat down next to her and wrapped my good arm around her before pulling her into me, "No, I'm your guildmate. That means I'm going to take care of you, and I am most certainly _not_ letting you go rambling off to get yourself raped by some random asshole in a dark alley." Cana tried to pull away, but she was so weak I was able to easily pull her back, "Cana, you're drunk. Please, just stay with me tonight."

Then she looked up at me and was quiet for a minute before grinning in a way that I could tell immediately meant a very bad idea had just crossed her mind, "Oh yeah… *hic* … haven't… haven't paid you back yet…"

I frowned and before I could ask what she was talking about, she raised her head up just enough to kiss me. My eyebrows went up in surprise and she tried to push me down onto my back. I caught her shoulder and pushed her back down before declaring firmly, "Not until you are completely sober and in full possession of your mental faculties."

Cana looked surprised and a little hurt as she pulled away and pulled her knees up to her chin, "Oh…okay…s'rry…jesht…jesht wanted to thank you…"

I pushed her back onto _her _back and leaned over, "Cana, you are a gorgeous young woman and when you are sober again, I will _very_ happily go at it with you just as hard as I did with Mira. If you want to, then we'll get so drunk, naked and wild that even if we're _blackout _drunk, we'll never forget it. Until then, I am a gentleman, and I will _not_ have your first time with me be a drunken one night stand that you'll regret in the morning. Do I make myself clear?"

Cana was quiet for a moment as she looked at me with an utterly starstruck expression, then she smiled softly and reached up to stroke the side of my face, "Why can't more guys be like you?" she asked quietly. Then she closed her eyes and swiftly began to snore.

I sat there for quite a while, just thinking. After a while, I got up and got busy.

…

…

When Cana woke up the next morning, she found a note in her hand instead of the bottle she'd had the night before.

_Cana,_

_We didn't do anything last night. Feel free to have whatever you want out of the fridge and cabinets, and please lock the door when you leave. _

_I'm Going on a little fishing trip as it just occurred to me that I have yet To Find a good fishing hole in these parts. want to get some big fish with big Gills to cook up for the guild sometime. not much left of the summer, it would be a shame if we didn't throw a beach party. booze, Darts, games, the works._

_I'm not sure when I'll be back, if you could please pass this note along to Mirajane and Master Makarov I'd be grateful._

_Back soon with the biggest fish I can find,_

_Jerry_

...

**Next time, on**_**Mad Little Slice of Heaven...**_

**HALLOWEEN SPECIAL, Chapter 12.5: ****_Terror_**

_ Cana __stared in horror for a moment and then snatched the cards back up and began desperately shuffling as fast as she could, "No! NO! THERE'S NO WAY! I MUST'VE DONE IT WRONG!"_

_She threw the cards back out into formation and even though they were a little bit sloppier this time, they were still in place. Cana flipped them all at once with magic and froze as she felt her heart stop in horror, the exact same awful pattern right where it had been a moment before. Cana sat back, her eyes wide and then she snatched up her cards and ran out the door, "LEVYYYYYYYYYYY!"_


	14. HALLOWEEN SPECIAL Ch12,5: Terror

**AN:** _Happy Halloween everybody! This week it's our very first Halloween Special! But before that, as always, Reviewer Replies! :D_

_**Raidentensho:**__No guarantee yet on Jerry actually using Star Dress type magic since he'll be actively learning the Celestial Spirits' magic himself, which is far more beneficial to all involved. Once Lucy learns about it, she will most likely be trying it too. I haven't played Ronin Warriors or Monster Hunter, so I'd have absolutely no frame of reference for those, but no, Jerry's got his look, it's one he'll be sticking with aside from the eventual addition of a hat. As for his luck, well that's addressed rather specifically in this little special._

**_Prometo:_**_Not to worry my non-English speaking friend! I understood your comment perfectly and I am delighted that you are enjoying my work! Also, congratulations! You're the first person to comment on the fact that yes, Jerry does indeed use the same brand of light magic as Larcade! Very glad you're enjoying Mira and Cana, and you're actually in luck, Cana's quite prominent in this chapter!_

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_Read on and find out! When will Jerry and Mira be exclusive? Sorry, that's a seeecreeet!_

**_Reptil:_**_(bows) Thank you! Thank you! I like to think myself (and Jerry by extension) rather clever, so glad you agree! As for more details on Mystogan's eventual fate, like I told AnimeMyWorld on Jerry and Mira becoming exclusive: Sorry, that's a seeecreeet! XD It's funny you should bring that up, especially on the same chapter that Prometo noticed Jerry using the same magic as Larcade (sex, hunger & sleep control). I'm not saying that his magic granting him absolute immunity to any but the very highest caliber of sleep spells that could zonk an entire country is why he was immune to Mystogan's magic, but I'm also not saying it's not why he was immune to that sleeping spell. Further clarification you say? No way! It's a seeecreeet! _

**(cackles) AND NOW...**

**(scary pipe organ music) (thunder) (chains clanking and other Halloween sound effects)**

**MAD LITTLE SLICE OF HEAVEN**

**HALLOWEEN SPECIAL 1**

**CHAPTER 12.5 – TERROR**

==August 5th, 11:18 PM==

Cana obliterated the now empty bottle with a flash of Crash magic that reduced it to powder over the trash can she kept next to her bed. Jerry's download of his knowledge of what constituted his form of Crash magic had made it remarkably easy to use, but it had presented another entirely different dilemma… "Why the hell is my booze not working?" Cana snarled in the dim lamplight of her room at Fairy Hills.

It was a good room. She'd gotten Laki to help her cover the wall with an enormous wine rack not long after the Wood Make mage had joined, and she'd collected liquid relief in over 300 different vintages from across Fiore and even a couple of imports as well. Her bed was soft and warm and the whole room smelled faintly of wine. The lights weren't bright and the walls were thick, perfect for a hangover. She hadn't had a sure enough hangover in years due to her perfect cure of "just stay drunk", but she still had the thick heavy curtains from when she'd had them regularly.

She slumped back and glared up at the ceiling, "That bastard. I oughta kick his ass for making me feel like this…" Not enough that he'd flirted with her, oh no, he'd just _had _to go and find out her secret and teach her his own version of Gildarts's Crash Magic. Even worse, it was _easy_. Easy, easy, _EASY. _It was as easy and reflexive as her card magic now, her card magic that she'd practiced and honed for _years_, and that said a lot about how much she actually was meant to have it.

The Decomposition variant that Natsu said was prone to completely wiping the bastard's reserves out was actually just a more thorough and less explosive version of Crash, it actually required a little bit _less _power than Crash itself since it only scoured things down to sand rather than actively blowing them apart. _A surefire sign that it's not meant for him,_ Cana glowered as she uncorked her next bottle and sipped it, _It's so easy for me that I'm surprised I'm not destroying everything I touch. If this is how Gildarts feels then it's no wonder he walks through walls by mistake._

She took a drink and let her mind wander, nearly obliterating the neck of her bottle when her mind wandered back to the bastard that had her feeling more confused and upset than anyone other than Gildarts. Then as the alcohol finally started to hit her, _Why am I so pissed off at him? Nobody's asked me about it, so he's kept quiet…he gave me the best help he could and it's not like he's asked anything of me in return…It's not his fault I've got issues…_ She cocked her head to the side as the thought hit her, _Wow, I'm really being a bitch to him right now…_

The thought was a little bit alien to her, but even as she thought it she realized it was more likely than not very true. Then uncertainty reared its head, _So what do I do now?_

She sat forward and tried to think, and then the answer was right in front of her. She blinked and then a smile spread across her face, _Duh Cana…_ She picked up her cards and began to shuffle them, _Hey guys…Sorry I didn't think to ask you sooner…I've been kinda out of it these last few days. Ready to help me make a decision?_ The cards didn't answer directly, but she knew they were. She smiled and laid out the cards in a triangle of six pointing toward herself: the immediate result of the action proposed, two for the most likely repercussions a month out and three for the most likely repercussions six months out.

"Ok, so if I don't apologize and keep on like I've been…" she turned the first card, the immediate results, over and grimaced, _Death reversed, no change._ _I'll keep feeling like shit and that SUCKS. Let's see what happens in the long haul…_

She turned over the first possibility for a month out and froze, _The Tower, catastrophe. What the hell?! _She gently reached out and tentatively laid a hand to the card hissing as the visions raced through her mind… Levy Jet and Droy beaten and pinned to a tree, Gramps ill and too weak to move, a mechanical giant, the guild hall in ruins while a battle raged around it, Erza fighting for her life in a strange crystal room… Cana snatched her hand back as though bitten and the horrible visions stopped abruptly. Her chest heaved and her heart hammered, _WHAT THE HELL?!_

She took a moment to calm herself down, _Ok, ok, no need to panic…just…just gotta keep an eye on Levy that's all…It, it started with Levy right? So if I just keep Levy safe then that won't happen… Yeah, yeah, that's right, let's see what the other card i-__**HRK!**_ Cana choked as she flipped the other card, _THE LOVERS REVERSED?! The guild's gonna be nearly falling apart on top of all that?!_

She immediately reached for her bottle and began to chug. When she had sloppily drained half the bottle, she wiped her mouth and then before her terror could get the better of her she flipped the last three cards all at once with magic. She nearly fainted in shock as her duplicates of Death and The Tower leered up at her next to the inverted moon. She didn't even need to touch them to know what they meant. Death, lots of it.

She stared in horror for a moment and then snatched the cards back up and began desperately shuffling as fast as she could, "No! NO! THERE'S NO WAY! I MUST'VE DONE IT WRONG!"

She threw the cards back out into formation and even though they were a little bit sloppier this time, they were still in place. Cana flipped them all at once with magic and froze as she felt her heart stop in horror, the exact same awful pattern right where it had been a moment before. Cana sat back, her eyes wide and then she snatched up her cards and ran out the door, "LEVYYYYYYYYYYY!"

She caught Levy coming out of the shared bathroom at the end of the hallway and grabbed her hand, "LEVY! SIT DOWN! I NEED TO READ YOUR FORTUNE! _RIGHT NOW!"_

"OK OK! What's gotten into you?!" Levy exclaimed as she sat down right outside the bathroom door. Cana shuffled her deck like poker cards, shuffled them twice more and set them down, charged them with the question that had produced the awful pattern but with regards to Levy's next six months.

She set the cards down, "Ok, draw six cards and set them down in three rows, one in a row, two in a row and three in a row with the three over here by me. Face down."

"Are you sure you're okay Cana?" Levy asked warily as she began to do so, "I've done this with you a million times, I know how it works. There, all done." Cana swiped her hand impatiently and all six cards flipped to reveal that same awful pattern grinning doom up at them. Levy's eyes went wide as she saw it and the meanings of those cards raced into her mind, "Cana, tell me I'm wrong about what those mean."

"What do they mean?" Erza asked over Cana's shoulder, "Aside from that you're blocking the bathroom door?"

Cana whirled and caught Erza, quickly forcing the red head to sit, "ERZA! FORTUNE TELLING! RIGHT NOW!" She quickly snatched up the cards and shuffled the deck, once, twice, three times, "LEVY! SHUFFLE!" Levy shuffled and handed them back to Cana.

Cana slammed the deck down between her and Erza and belted out the instructions rapid fire. Erza was well enough attuned to her friends that she knew something very bad had been on those cards, so she wasted no time in laying them out as Levy had. Cana went to flip them and Erza stopped her, "Why don't you let me flip them over?"

Cana froze and was almost shaking with nerves before she nodded, "Yeah, yeah. You're right, it'll be more accurate that way." Erza nodded and quickly flipped them over, when she was done, that same awful pattern was there again. Erza got a good look at it as Cana and Levy both went pale and then a memory flashed through her mind and made her go ghostly pale as well, "Cana, correct me if I'm wrong…isn't this top row…"

"The exact same pattern Lisanna drew," Cana finished in a horrified whisper.

Silence reigned for a moment and then, "Where's Jerry?" Cana demanded tersely as she began shuffling the cards again, roughly slapping out a fresh set of six and turning them over rapid fire. All three sets of eyes went wide as they saw a radically different reading before them, "…I need to talk to him RIGHT NOW."

"Nobody's seen him in three days!" Levy answered nervously, "What does he have to do with it?!"

"I had a fight with Jerry a few days ago and this fortune was to see whether or not I should apologize to him!" Cana explained, "This pattern," she gestured to the extremely _good _reading in front of them, "Is what happens if I do and do it at the very next opportunity! That other one was what happens if I _don't!_"

"We need to keep this quiet," Erza declared after a moment, "Let's spread out and find him, but if word that you've drawn _that_ pattern again gets out then the entire guild will be hovering around us like mother hens for the next six months. Did you do one for the guild as a whole?"

"Didn't think about it, was too busy freaking out," Cana replied tersely as she immediately began shuffling, "Ok this is if I don't apologize…" Six cards out and six cards flipped…

"What the hell?" Erza breathed quietly as the awful pattern leered up at them once again, "Can one little apology really make that much of a difference?!"

"What the hell's wrong with Jerry that not apologizing to him leads to _that _for the whole guild?!" Levy exclaimed.

"Let's find out," Cana answered as she began shuffling again, "Here's what'll happen to _him _if that happens to us." She tossed out six cards and flipped them and all three were dumbstruck as the pattern representing imminent death and turmoil sat there staring at them once again. Cana stared in shock and then reached out and gently touched the three cards in the top row.

She was immediately assaulted with a vision of Jerry and a little blue haired girl who Cana didn't recognize standing in front of a shit load of graves bawling their eyes out with much of the guild around them. She lifted her hand away and exhaled, "He'll survive, but it looked like whatever happened absolutely destroyed him, so I don't think it's his fault."

"Then we need to find out whose it is," Erza declared sharply, "Is there any way you can narrow the prediction down?"

Cana thought for a moment and then shuffled the deck before tossing out six fresh cards, "This is what will happen if I wait a week." She flipped them and three hearts skipped a beat as that awful pattern loomed up at them once more. Cana went pale, "I've got less than a week to apologize?!"

"So whatever happens to avert that series of events is going to happen or not within the week?" Levy asked with a frown, "That's a _really_ narrow window of opportunity. Maybe it's some kind of job?"

Cana shuffled and tossed, "If he takes a job in the next week…" She flipped and flinched, "Bad future." She shook her head, "Ok, we need to narrow this the fuck down. Jerry's future for the next _week _if I apologize as soon as possible." She shuffled and tossed out three cards for a very tight, accurate prediction.

"Strength and the Moon inverted…followed by The Tower reversed…" Cana muttered, "So he's going to get confused but try to do something nice and that's going to change everything?"

"Can you find out what it is?" Erza asked.

Cana laid her hand to Strength and the reversed Moon and froze as the vision washed over her, "**OH.**" She lifted her fingers and moved them to the reversed Tower, "**_OH._**"

She pulled out one more card and looked at it, her breath immediately beginning to hitch as tears started to well in her eyes. She quickly scrubbed them away as she started grinning, "I know what the decision is."

"What is it?!" Erza demanded.

Cana turned around The Emperor to show them with a watery smile, "_He's going to find Gildarts._"

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**AN: **_And no, this is not a trick, it is a treat. See ya next week everybody! :D_

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_(cackles) THAT was the trick!_

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_Come on, you didn't really think I'd forget the preview did you? XD_

**NEXT TIME! ON ****_MAD LITTLE SLICE OF HEAVEN!_**

My card car slammed to a halt in the drizzling rain and I backed up. I blinked with a shell shocked stare through the misty gloom. The two who couldn't possibly be real, couldn't be really there, stared back at me in surprise.

I raised a finger and took a breath, before asking tentatively as my heart pounded in my chest, "Gabe? Julie?"


	15. Chapter 13: DAMMIT NATSU!

**AN:** _As always before we get started, Reviewer Replies! :D_

**_Raidentensho:_**_One of the biggest things to being a powerful and versatile wizard is understanding. Knowing exactly how something works, what all it can and can't do, and how to make it do those things is 9/10s of being a good user of it. Applies to machinery, tools and most everything else I know of - applies to magic. Once Jerry gains an understanding of how and why his magic works the way it does and what it can and can't do, he'll become vastly more formidable in a very short amount of time. Not quiiite instantly, but the knowledge alone will be an incredible boon. That sounds like a very interesting power system, I might have to look into it. _

**_DarkDrawerJ:_**_TROLOLOLOLOL! XD I'm glad you read all the way to the bottom of that one, it'll make this week's chapter just that much more potent! :D_

**_Blaze2121:_**_I'm very glad you're enjoying enough to read it all in one go. :D Yes the Mira pairing is much more popular than I had originally anticipated. Granted, Mira's awesome, one of my favorite characters, not hard at all to see why people would want more of her. It won't be a harem ending. I actually already know the final pairing, but as DarkDrawerJ noted in his review of the Halloween Special last chapter, I am a complete and utter juggling troll, so I'm going to keep everyone guessing for as long as I can. Seilah's a long shot, especially considering her enmity with Mira. Yes, I can confirm: Jellal and Ultear shag in this one. A LOT. Ultear takes full advantage of having one of the top 10 most eligible wizard bachelors secretly wrapped completely around her finger. Jellal doesn't mind (who would?). Funny you should mention Gilgamesh, I actually just recently got into Fate myself. I'm currently reading a Grand Order fic called 'Fragments of Chaldea' which is just hitting all the right buttons for me thus far, so don't expect a Fate fic from me any time soon. Jerry's an up close fighter and as for Jerry getting slayer magic...hmmhrphhmmmumblempf (various noncommittal noises)._

_**Reptil: **__I REPEAT! TROLOLOLOLOLOL... XD (cackles) Yes if I ever throw out a special chapter (which I am prone to on holidays) it's going to actually be extra good, and I don't go for clichés like that.(seriously, can you imagine a Fairy Tail that DOESN'T go all out for Halloween?) If I make a Halloween Special, hold on to your hats because shit's about to get scary. If I make a Valentine's special, get ready for something that'll make you go 'Aww...' and actually really support and want to see more of whatever pairing I cook up for it (hopefully). I didn't really know what to do for a Thanksgiving Special, so I'll go ahead and tell you it's a fun AU with lots of treats in it for my beloved readers to sink their teeth into. Spoilers you say? I shall not give those except in very vague manners which you will be able to guess about, but I will confirm that there will be at least one rather significant spoiler contained in this year's Thanksgiving Special. What it/they might be, and how many, I'm not telling, but by the time we get to the end of this story, you're going to look back at that Thanksgiving Special and go "OMG HE PLANNED THAT FAR AHEAD?!" and I shall be sitting here at my computer going TROLOLOLOLOL and laughing my ass off. Also, one other reason I'm going out of my way to make these specials so out of left field is because I can't write the in universe happenings of these holidays without giving stuff away several arcs in advance. For example: This chapter opens on the morning of August 9th. Halloween is still two months away in universe. Do you have any idea how incredibly much stuff is going to happen in that two months? Everything from Galuna to the NIRVANA arc. That is a LOT of spoilers that would be given away if I wrote Jerry's first Halloween with Fairy Tail, and not little ones either. I've got some __serious__ zingers lined up between now and then and I have no intention of giving them away this early. Seriously, you ain't seen nothin' yet._

_**Now that all that's been said...**_

**Chapter 13 – DAMMIT NATSU!**

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==Early Morning, August 9th==

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My card car slammed to a halt in the drizzling rain and I backed up. I blinked with a shell shocked stare through the misty gloom. The two who couldn't possibly be real, couldn't be really there, stared back at me in surprise. I raised a finger and took a breath, before asking tentatively as my heart pounded in my chest, "Gabe? Julie?"

The one who looked like Gabe but slightly bigger and tougher frowned, "Who?"

I sighed, okay, just an eerie coincidence. Then the one who looked just like Julie with blue hair declared that their names were Juvia and Gajeel, and as she asked if that was what I meant in an odd monotone, I very nearly lost my mind as I realized I was looking at this world's doppelgangers of my best friends Gabriel Fox and Julia Keyes.

I laughed slightly and put my good hand over my eye, "No… my, my apologies. I've just arrived in this country recently and you two look…_shockingly_ similar to my best friends back home." I shook my head and forced a smile, "I'm sorry. I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail. Unless I miss my guess, you two are wizards eh? What brings you to Magnolia?"

The big one who I had to keep telling myself wasn't Gabe grunted that they were just passing through, but Ju…_via_ swatted him and produced a picture, "Have you seen this girl? We were hired to find her."

I accepted the picture and my eyebrow rose behind the bandages, "Lucy Heartfilia."

Ju-_via's_ (I knew I was going to get it wrong out loud at least once, the resemblance was utterly mindboggling aside from the blue hair) eyes lit up, "You know her?" I had to blink to dispel the image of my best friend and smiled, "Ah, yeah, yeah, she's actually one of my teammates. Eh, climb on. I'll take you to her."

The pretty blue haired mage who I had to keep telling myself was not Julie hopped on to my card with a grin that was every bit as infectious and hard to resist as Julie's, "Let's go!" I couldn't help smiling back, "Ey Ga-_jeel_" I caught myself in time to not call him Gabe, "climb on. I can carry half a dozen people like this no problem and fly with it."

Gajeel eyed the card warily, "I'm good. I'll walk."

I nodded, if he was anything like Gabe then he was stubborn as a mule and there was no point in trying to convince him to try something before he was ready. "Alright, I'll go slow so you don't have to run," I declared with a smile.

Gajeel blinked, "Oh, well, uh…thanks."

I began to ease along with my card, "So, I guess you two are in a wizard guild?"

Juvia nodded, "We're with Phantom Lord. I'm Juvia of the Element Four, and this is Gajeel the Iron Dragon Slayer. We're two of Phantom's five S-Class."

I grinned, "Ahhh so you two must be pretty powerful eh? Iron Dragon Slayer, guess that means you're like a more hard headed version of Natsu huh?"

"Natsu?" Gajeel asked questioningly, his brows instantly furrowing in consternation. I frowned as I heard a memory strain to break through to the surface of his mind when the name came up. "If you don't mind, I'm a telepathic wizard. It sounds like you've got a repressed memory in there. Want some help getting it out?"

Gajeel thought about it for a moment and then his curiosity got the better of him. "Don't go muckin' around too much in there," he ordered as he leaned down to offer me his head. I raised my hand and frowned, _That's not just a repressed memory, it's an out and out magic induced BLOCK._

"Someone already has," I said quietly. Then as Gajeel and Juvia's eyes widened I ordered the mental barrier to, "RELEASE."

Gajeel almost collapsed under the weight of his memories crashing over him like a tidal wave. He staggered and Juvia and I immediately reached out to stabilize him. His eyes were out of focus for a second and then he snapped bolt upright and shouted, "OH **SHIT!** I GOTTA GO FIND LYOS! OH GOD!" His hands flew to his head as he started to seriously panic, "_WHERE'S CRYBABY WENDY?!_" He turned to Juvia and all but shouted, "SORRY JUVIA, TELL MASTER JOSE I'M SORRY BUT I GOTTA LET YOU HANDLE THIS ONE ALONE! PUNCH NATSU FOR ME WHEN YOU SEE HIM! MY BABY BROS AND SISTER NEED ME!" He turned and shouted at the top of his lungs, "DON'T WORRY SHORTIES! BIG BRO'S COMIN FOR YA!"

So shouting, Gajeel took off running panicked through the woods like a bat out of hell, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEENDDYYYYYYYY! LYOOOOOOOOOOS! SHITTY BRAT THAT HANGS OUT WITH NATSUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHERE ARE YOOOU?!"

Juvia and I stared after him for almost a full minute and then Juvia turned to look at me in confusion, "Any idea what all that was about?"

I mulled it over for a second, "He had a magic induced block in his memory. Don't know how, don't know _why_, but someone or something had made him forget, it sounded like his little brother and sister, plus Natsu and some kid that used to hang out with Natsu." I frowned, "I wonder if Natsu's got a block like that…He's enough of a dimwit that he may have just forgotten altogether, but he's usually pretty good about remembering things important to his friends…I'll have to check when I see him. Well…" I turned a smile on Juvia, "Shall we continue? Lucy's usually at the Guild Hall by now, and now that we don't have to go slow for him to keep up, I can show you what this baby can do!"

Juvia cast one more glance after Gajeel and then nodded, "Yes, of course. Let's go." There was something odd about the way she said it, but I decided to let it slide for the moment. If Juvia was anything like Julie then she'd never keep quiet about something important without a damn good reason.

I picked us up over the treetops. I'd been zipping along doing fifty miles an hour with my new Archive Magic Radar running solid to try and find anyone with a Fairy Tail emblem. I had been legitimately planning to scan the entire country if I had to, and given that once I amped my intake my range was about a hundred mile radius with no definite upper limit on the speed of my card car, I thought that was perfectly doable. Impractical? Maybe. Going way too far for a girl who I barely knew? Probably. Good way to get some space and clear my head on the matter? _Definitely_.

Juvia wrapped her arms around me to hold on, "Um, are you sure this is safe?"

I snapped my cards out of my pocket and formed the sides and seatbacks of my card car, "Totally." Juvia smiled and settled back against the seat I had made for her. I smiled, even if her hair was the wrong color, it was a lot like having Julie riding shotgun again. Then a thought occurred to me and I tried to make a speaker with my Archive magic. I looked over at Juvia, "Hey Juvia, you want some music?"

She asked if I could make music and I told her I could as I made the speaker make some interesting test noises. I looked over at her, "Ah, since you remind me so much of my friend, would you mind if I start with one of her favorites?"

Juvia shrugged, "I don't see why not." I grinned and tapped the label on the screen. A second later KISS's "Lick It Up" came thumping out of the speaker. I grinned as Juvia began to bob along to the beat, a little grin playing across her face. In a matter of moments, the grin was a full on smile and she was dancing as much as she could without leaving her seat. I smiled as the rain slacked up and drove us on back to Fairy Tail. Definitely a Julie clone, and definitely going to be my friend.

Selfish and jumping to conclusions? Maybe, but I wasn't wrong.

…

…

Half an hour later, I landed us in front of the Guild Hall and had my card dump us off before shrinking back to normal size and zipping back into my pocket. "Welcome to Magnolia," I said with a grin, "Lucy should be inside by now."

We walked up the steps, through the door, and stopped as we became aware of the entire guild stopping to look at us. Next thing I knew, Master Makarov had bounced all the way across the room and landed on my chest before clinging to me to shout in my face, "JERRY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

I blinked, "Didn't Cana pass my note along?" "The note saying you were going fishing the same day Natsu and Lucy disappeared on an unsanctioned S-Class quest?!" Makarov shouted.

"THEY DID _WHAT?!_"

"We thought you had gone with them," Erza declared as she walked up.

"NO!" I exclaimed, "I went to find Gilda…" I snapped my trap shut, went pale and started looking around to see if Cana was listening as Erza and Master both gaped at me.

Then Cana said from behind me, "I thought that's what that note said." I froze, _Really should've encrypted that better…_ I turned nervously, "Eh, hey…Cana…"

She flicked me on the head gently, "Use better codes. I got that one on the first try before I was even through my morning hangover. Master, get off him for a minute." _Crap she's pissed…_ I thought as Master let go and hopped down to the ground. Then Cana hugged me. I blinked in complete surprise and then Cana loosened her grip a bit to look at me, "I am completely sober right now." Then she kissed me. My brain shut down for a second.

Cana came up for air and raised an unimpressed eyebrow at me, "You're supposed to kiss back. I didn't think I was that bad at it."

I shook my head, "No, that was a good kiss, I was just surprised. I was expecting to get slapped, not kissed. Here, lemme apologize." So saying, I dipped her and kissed her as best I could. I only went just long enough for her to start kissing back before I set her back upright. Master, Erza, Juvia and the rest of the guild were looking at us with bemused expressions.

Master Makarov scratched his head as he thought, then his eyes went wide and he raised a finger to point at Cana, "Wait…" I could hear it in his head as his eyes widened, he had figured it out. Cana blushed slightly as she realized he had figured it out too and then Master grumbled, "I'm gonna kill that bonehead…" Then he shook his head, "But that's gonna have to wait! Erza, Jerry! Go get Natsu and Lucy and bring them back here so I can pulverize that idiot!"

Juvia cleared her throat, "Um, excuse me." Everyone turned to her and she raised her hand in greeting with a smile, "Hello, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Juvia Lockser of Phantom Lord's Element Four. I was recently hired by Lucy's father to find her. Would you mind if I tag along?"

Master stroked his mustache, "Normally I'd say no and that this was a guild matter, but you're a pretty powerful water mage right?"

"I like to think so," Juvia replied humbly with a small smile. Makarov nodded, "Good, and you've probably heard about the Curse of Galuna Island right?"

"THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK THE CURSE ON GALUNA ISLAND?!" Juvia exclaimed, "ARE THEY INSANE?!" She paused and collected herself, "That's a very dangerous mission. Master Jose won't let anyone take it unless at least two of the Element Four and Gajeel are going. I think it would probably be best if I join for the sake of having a little extra power on board if nothing else. Master Jose would be furious if I let Ms. Heartfilia die on such an unfortunate endeavor when I could've intervened. This is a rather important job."

Master raised an eyebrow, "How important?"

"Five million jewels important," Juvia replied, "Due to the pay alone, getting Ms. Heartfilia back to her father is being considered an S-Class mission worthy of two of the Element Four, although I brought Gajeel instead. I had no idea it would turn into an actual S-Class quest…"

Master looked around, "So where's Gajeel?"

Juvia sighed, "I'm not sure. Jerry found a magical barrier in Gajeel's memories and as soon as it was removed, Gajeel went running off as fast as he could to search for his long lost younger siblings. In all the time I've known Gajeel I've never seen him panic like that, so it must be terribly important. He said he was sorry and asked me to handle this myself," she looked at me and Erza with a smile, "so I definitely wouldn't mind joining forces with you for this one as my usual back up has proven a little unreliable today. Oh, before we go, do you mind if I punch Natsu when we find him? Gajeel asked me to pass one along for him, apparently they know each other."

Erza barked out a little laugh, "Oh don't worry, there'll be punches in plenty when I find him." Juvia smiled, "Oh good! Well, shall we get going then?"

I threw out my Card Car and gestured with a grin, "Ladies first."

…

…

I flew us up above even the highest tree tops and cranked my ethernano intake up to eleven so that I could really cut loose with the speed. According to my Archive navigational system, we were clocking in at about two hundred miles per hour. Still though, it was nearly nightfall by the time we reached Galuna. We passed a small tidal wave on our way to shore and I slowed us down as I felt the familiar mental signatures that I'd grown to know and mostly love over the last month and a half. "Found 'em." I declared as I peered over the side.

"Take us down there," Erza ordered. I landed us on the beach just in time to see a beat up Natsu, Lucy, Gray and Happy wash ashore, one and all unconscious and severely waterlogged. It was not lost on us that Gray was tied up.

I would've let them lay there until morning, but Erza was of a different mindset. She snatched Natsu up off the sand by the hair with one hand and punched him square in the gut. Natsu came awake with a sound somewhere between a wheeze and a shout of pain. Then as soon as he got his breath back in and realized who had a hold of him, he let it right back out as a very terrified and girly scream that woke up Lucy, Gray and Happy immediately.

"I see you understand why I'm here," Erza declared in her best _'__I'm about to freaking kill you'_ voice with the death glare to match.

"Sorry Erza," Gray groaned as he managed to force himself upright, "Natsu sucker punched me."

Erza shot him a glance and then nodded, "You are forgiven." She turned her glare back on Natsu, "**_YOU _****are not.**"

Natsu squeaked pitifully and Lucy looked at me, "Um, Jerry? Help?"

I frowned at her, "Don't look at me. This was _monumentally_ stupid. I thought you were smarter than this." I crouched down and poked her in the forehead with a glare, "Your life is not worth a gate key, not even one of the Zodiacs with over three million jewel thrown on top." I straightened up and crossed my arms as I glared at her and then Natsu and nonchalantly snatched Happy out of the air by his tail, "And I am _VERY_ insulted that you three didn't even think to invite me. What happened to the four of us being a team? If you had _asked,_ then we could have poked Erza, said please, been out here, had it done in probably a few days at most, and gone zipping along back home seven million jewels richer." I lifted Happy up to eye level and gave him my very deadliest glare, "And I can hear your thoughts **you moronic blue puffball**. _Shame on you for deliberately picking the one with a reward you knew Lucy wouldn't be able to resist just so you could drag her into this!_"

I glared at Natsu, "And because you tied Gray up, if you all hadn't been lucky enough to wash ashore, and we hadn't been here, then Gray would have _drowned_ just now because his arms were tied and there was no way for him to swim. Is that what you want Natsu? For Gray to _die_ due to some freak accident of nature that you put him in the way of?"

Natsu looked like I had slapped him with square in the face a stomach virus. That analogy brought a memory to mind, "Oh, that reminds me. Erza, could you hold him from behind for a second?"

Erza immediately adjusted her grip into a full nelson and I grinned, "Thank you very much." I teleported over and torqued such a full body punch into Natsu's solar plexus that Erza's grip actually wavered a little. I straightened up, "Gajeel says hi."

I heard Natsu's brain start trying to fire through the same magic memory repression that had been on Gajeel and I raised a hand to his head and flicked him between the eyes, "_Release._" Natsu started retching and barfing fire as I stepped back quickly. Erza dropped him in disgust and we watched as Natsu clutched his head, drenched in cold sweat and ghostly pale, his memories crashing through his mind like an avalanche as he continued to vomit flames.

"What did you do to him?" Erza muttered as she crossed her arms and watched him wriggle like a worm on a hook. I quickly explained and then Natsu shot bolt upright, "I GOTTA FIND STING AND WENDY! AND LYOS TOO! OH MAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO ANNA-SENSEI?!" Then he seemed to remember whose name I had mentioned, "WAIT! YOU SAID YOU SAW GAJEEL! IS HE OKAY?!"

"He's about as panicked as you are," I replied, "He took off to hunt for your three younger siblings this morning after I removed the magical block in his memory."

Natsu slumped slightly in relief, "Okay, Gajeel's a jerk but he's reliable. I can trust him to find them and make sure they're alright."

"That's great," Erza said calmly. Then she socked him in the jaw hard enough to launch him six feet in the air, grabbed him by the ankle before he could fly too far and proceeded to do the Tom-and-Jerry, slamming him into the ground repeatedly like a bag of potatoes as she shouted, "_Because I would have felt a lot worse about beating you to a pulp for being so reckless and stupid if you had to go find your younger siblings after this!_"

She kept it up for several minutes. I wound up doing what must've been a funny looking dance as Lucy kept trying to hide behind me only for me to repeatedly step aside to give Erza a clear shot when she decided to turn her attention that way. Juvia untied Gray and the four of us watched in awe and slight mortification as Erza proceeded to beat Natsu into a near unrecognizable bloody pulp howling, "PUTTING NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE IN JEOPARDY BUT THOSE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS AS WELL! BREAKING THE RULES AND TAKING AN S-CLASS QUEST WITHOUT PERMISSION! SNEAKING ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR WHERE MASTER REMINDED YOU THE VERY SAME DAY THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO BE! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! MASTER WILL PROBABLY KICK YOU OUT OF THE GUILD WHEN WE GET BACK! HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH AND RECKLESS AS TO ENDANGER YOUR LIFE LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! YOUR PLACE IN FAIRY TAIL LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! OUR FRIENDS' LIVES LIKE THEY'RE WORTHLESS?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO **_STUPID_** NATSU?!"

Every word was accentuated by Natsu slamming into the ground as hard as Erza could slam him. Then she threw Natsu up in the air and caught him by the lapels and I was slightly horrified to see that there were tears shining in her eyes as she demanded, "Why Natsu? Why would you be so selfish and stupid as to do something like this?" Natsu didn't answer and Erza shouted, "ANSWER ME NATSU! PLEASE! JUST TELL ME WHY!" Still Natsu said nothing.

Erza was so upset she was shaking and as I saw her getting ready to punch him, I said quietly, "Erza, I think you knocked him out with that first uppercut. Pretty sure he's been unconscious through the whole lecture."

Erza blinked and then shook Natsu a little. Sure enough, Natsu's head was lolling about limply. If his eyes hadn't been swelling shut, it would've been clear that there was nobody home even if the lights were on. Erza sighed angrily and dropped him, "Natsu you damned fool…"

She turned to Lucy, who once again tried to hide behind me only for me to once again side step as Erza stormed over. Erza loomed over Lucy and asked in an extremely stern voice, "Lucy, did you know that it was forbidden for you to take an S-Class quest?"

Lucy looked like she was about to wet herself, "Natsu said Master would forgive us and be proud if we pulled it off…I thought it was just a little rule, not something that would get me kicked out of the guild…I'm sorry…"

Erza was about to reply and then there was a flash of magic and Gray grinned, "Ice Make Stocks. That's payback for sucker punchin' me Natsu." Erza turned around and leveled a murderous glare at Natsu, who was now wriggling and trying to get free of the restraints Gray had magicked onto him. Natsu felt Erza's gaze land on him like a spotlight and froze.

Erza strode over and crouched down, "Natsu." Natsu squeaked. "Did you hear what I said about the very strong possibility of you getting kicked out of the guild over this?" Erza asked in a quiet voice. I think I actually heard Natsu's heart stop for a second.

"No…" Natsu breathed, his eyes wide in horror, "Please, anything but that…I'd rather die than leave Fairy Tail…"

"You understand what you did right?" Erza asked patiently, "You endangered not only your own life, but Gray, Lucy and Happy's lives as well. How would you have felt if they had drowned in that wave that washed you ashore? They would be dead, _because of your stupid pride Natsu._" It was quite visible as the weight of Natsu's actions settled in on him while Erza continued, "Even beyond that, now you run the very severe risk of getting yourself and Happy kicked out of the guild, not only for coming on this S-Class quest without permission, but for lying to Lucy about the importance of stealing an S-Class quest. It's even worse because Jerry's right, you could have just asked me and I would've taken the request as soon as I finished my cake and brought you all along with me for back up in a heartbeat. Do you understand me Natsu? This isn't like your usual screw ups. _You could seriously be getting kicked out of Fairy Tail over this._"

Natsu was quiet for a second and then immediately began to cry and beg and plead with Erza to not let Master kick him out, but Erza's only reply as she straightened back up was, "That is not my decision. You will have to wait for the Master's judgment."

Natsu was very quiet and very still after that. Erza turned to face us and sighed before casting a glance up at the odd purple moon. Then she turned to me, "Jerry, what's the range of your telepathy?"

"You want me to scan the island and see if I can figure out what's up?" I asked. Erza nodded, "Yes, since we're already here, we might as well look into it even if we aren't officially accepting this request yet."

I closed my eyes, sat down, cast my web wide and began to listen.

…

…

A little while later I opened my eyes, "Okay. Good news for Gray, he has a friend on the island." Gray turned to me in surprise, "Seriously? Who is it?"

"Actually two," I clarified, "Ur says you'll probably remember Lyon."

All the color went out of Gray's face in an instant and then he leapt up angry, "IF THAT'S SOME KIND OF JOKE THEN I'M GONNA BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU INJURED OR NOT!"

I stared at him flatly, "_I'm not joking._ There's a woman in a block of ice under the mountain over there who says her name is Ur, that she used to be your teacher and that her student Lyon brought her here and is trying to melt her so he can try to beat down a demon that she's already finished killing. She also speculates that if we can get Juvia to share knowledge of her Water Body, sorry Juvia heard a little from everybody while I was listening to the whole island, then Ur might be able to return to human form after her body finishes melting in what Lyon's estimating to be three days."

Gray sat down in shock, "That…that can't be right…"

"I can give you directions if you want to go look," I told him, "But I don't think we should do it just yet. Lyon's followers are out and about right now. He's got at least four more wizards with him, two feel fairly formidable, Natsu and I should be able to handle them I think. One seems kind of harmless, but the fourth one feels about as tough as Erza. I don't know that I've got enough magic after flying us out here at top speed to pull another win like Eisenwald, not to mention these guys probably won't be considerate enough to group up all close together for me to take them all out in one big shot, and I probably can't teleport us out if things get hairy. We should wait until morning."

Gray was still and then he nodded with a pale face, "Alright, but I probably won't sleep worth a damn now."

I looked over at Erza, "Even if we don't take the curse breaking job, which the natives seem to think will require breaking the moon, I think we should at least stick around to help out Gray's master and get his…what is he Gray your brother? We oughta help get Gray's doofus brother back to his senses."

Erza nodded, "I quite agree, but will we be able to do it without Juvia's help? She hasn't agreed to share knowledge of her magic with us."

We all turned to Juvia and suddenly Gray was on his knees bowing before her, "Please Ms. Juvia! Master Ur is a hero who's saved countless lives, including mine. Your spell may be the only way to save her!"

Juvia thought about it for a moment, "I suppose I could share, but I would like to get something in return…"

Gray immediately had her hands clasped in his as he begged, "Please! I'll teach you all the magic I know if you'll help me save my master!"

Juvia blushed slightly as she realized he was suddenly shirtless, "Um, okay…but will you please put your clothes back on?"

Gray looked down and realized he was not in fact merely shirtless, he was also lacking in the pants, socks and shoes department, "OH CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

As Gray began going around gathering up his clothes, which had somehow been scattered all over the beach, Juvia turned to the rest of us, "Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to ask about something. The Eisenwald Incident was all over the papers, and there were supposed to be five wizards from Fairy Tail involved, including Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, a blonde girl who I've now confirmed to be Lucy, and one unknown masked wizard that's rumored to have dismantled the entire Eisenwald guild singlehandedly." She looked at me, "Was that you? We all thought it was Mystogan, but your bandages are very much a mask and you seem to be a part of this team."

I blinked as that registered and then I laughed, "Yeah, that was me! Funny you should mention it though, I found out yesterday that I actually have quite a bit in common with Mystogan! I had actually never even heard of him before yesterday, but it turns out he actually even really does look a little bit like me under that mask of his. Of course," I added thoughtfully, "I also look a little bit like Gray under all the bandages, or at least I will once my hair grows back. Different hair colors, and my face is a shaped a little different, but the resemblance is there. Yeah though, the masked Fairy Tail wizard in the Eisenwald Incident was me."

Juvia went even paler than usual and started trembling, "You took down an entire guild…in that bad a shape?"

I blinked and then smiled, "Nah…I was fresh out of the infirmary when I did that. I'll have my right hand back in a few days, and to tell ya a little secret," I leaned forward and glanced around jokingly as I raised a hand and whispered, "I only write with my left. My right's stronger."

"Don't forget the part where you evacuated a train and then chased down the run-away engine the dark wizard who wrecked the train was driving," Erza added, "All that _after_ you figured out their plans in a matter of minutes just from the little snippets of information I had managed to pick up in passing."

"I can't claim credit for the train thing," I replied, "Gray's the one who caught it when the bridge collapsed. The _real_ question though, is why does Juvia look like we just told her she had to fight a dragon with no magic and a teaspoon?"

Juvia did indeed have her soul peeking out of her dropped jaw waiting for an opportunity to flee with little terrified eyes. It fled back inside when it realized we had seen it. Her eyes were like two blank saucers and she was so pale that after a second, I started to legitimately worry that she'd had an out and out heart attack. Lucy gently touched her shoulder, "Juvia? Are you okay?"

There was no response other than slumping lifelessly over onto Gray's shoulder, and after a second more, I began to grow seriously worried, so I dove into her mind with my telepathy and immediately jumped back out. The fear in there was so strong that it was contagious. "I don't know what she's freaking out about," I declared after I managed to calm myself down, "But from the way she's panicking, you'd think she had just found out she had to fight Erza, Mystogan, Laxus, and a small army all at once. Her fear's drowning everything else out, so I wasn't able to get anything else out of her mind. Anyone wanna try to snap her out of it?"

Juvia was now slumped against a now fully dressed and very concerned Gray, looking like her very soul had broken. Natsu waved a flame on the tip of his finger from where he was still in the ice stocks, "I bet I can wake her up."

Erza nonchalantly smacked him in the head, "Be quiet Natsu. Jerry, do you have any idea of what might wake her up?"

I thought for a moment and then, "Okay, Lucy, Erza, I'm about to shout something really embarrassing to wake her up. It's just to startle her awake." They both nodded and I shouted, "EVERYBODY! **_GET NAKED!_**"

Gray was suddenly butt naked and totally didn't even realize it. I didn't even see him _move_ it was so quick. I still don't know how he manages to strip that fast, especially since I don't think he even _realizes _he's doing it, and then Juvia leapt away from him with a scandalized shriek as she realized that the flurry of movement next to her was her unwitting pillow stripping completely naked in an instant. Juvia scrabbled backwards away from him pointing an incriminating finger at him, "P-p-p-p-p-_PERVERT!"_

"Ah, she's going to fit right in!" I declared cheerfully as Gray realized he was naked again and immediately reached for his underwear, blushing so much that his whole body turned pink. Juvia looked vaguely traumatized as she asked what I was talking about.

Erza looked at me flatly, "Jerry, that was a very mean trick."

I shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of aside from physical violence, and I don't want to hit Juvia. Gray's not a pervert Juvia, he's just got a terrible habit of stripping in public, but we all call him a pervert anyway to annoy him."

"J-j-juvia doesn't really see how that's much different," Juvia stammered as she stared at Gray's very exposed butt as he unwittingly mooned her while pulling his boxers back on. Lucy had covered her eyes and Erza was just used to it. I was torn between being apologetic and trying hard not to laugh my ass off.

Then Gray straightened up and turned around to flash us a thumbs up with a grin, "There! All dressed!" He was wearing nothing but his boxers.

"YOU'RE STILL IN NOTHING BUT YOUR UNDERWEAR!" Juvia exclaimed.

"That's about how much clothes he usually wears," I replied, "It's rarer to see him with pants on than it is to catch him with them down. He's the only person I've ever seen get quite literally punched out of his boxers. It's so odd that I'm not entirely sure that he's not using magic to do it for shits and giggles."

Gray blushed and immediately started hunting for his pants, completely unaware that his boxers were starting to slide down as he bent over to pick them up. Then Juvia blasted him from behind with a firehose like torrent from the tip of her finger, "QUIT MOONING JUVIA YOU PERVERT!"

The torrent cut Gray two full flips and buried him face first in the sand. All that was left visible was his legs sticking up comically as Juvia covered her eyes and blushed furiously. Natsu and I began howling with laughter as it registered with us what had just happened. Then Gray got up trying to look like he had a shred of dignity about him at this point and all we could do was laugh harder as he looked down and realized that Juvia had accidentally blasted his boxers the rest of the way off.

Juvia turned around and sat down with her arms crossed in a huff as she pointedly looked away from Gray, "Juvia will not watch your perverted show! Put some clothes on and do not bother Juvia again! If Juvia didn't have to stay to get Lucy Heartfilia back home safely to her father, Juvia would leave _right now!_"

Lucy peeked through her fingers, "Wait, what was that?"

Juvia yanked a flier from her pocket and extended it to Lucy without looking, "Your father is most interested in your whereabouts. Juvia's guild was hired to find you."

Lucy accepted the flier and tried to read, and then an angry tick mark formed on her head as she turned as crimson as Erza's hair. Then she jumped and torqued a surprisingly beautiful flying roundhouse kick into Gray's face, "GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON SO WE CAN HAVE A DECENT CONVERSATION HERE YOU PERVERT!"

I held a little archive screen up with the number 10 on it and handed Erza, Natsu and Happy screens too. Erza's said 8.5, Natsu's said 11 and Happy's just had a picture of a fish. Lucy landed and then blinked as she noticed them, "What's that for?"

"I didn't know you knew martial arts," I declared, "After my arm heals up, we should spar sometime!"

Lucy blushed, "But…I _don't_ know martial arts!"

I looked at her, "Really? You're missing a golden opportunity then. If your hand speed is anything like comparable to that perfect flying roundhouse kick you just sent Gray _flying_ with, then I bet you'd be great at it." Lucy blushed, "You, really think so?"

Erza nodded, "That was a good kick."

Gray peeled himself off the tree Lucy had kicked him into and snorted blood out of his nose, "Hey Jerry, what did that fortune teller guy say about trouble with water and women?"

I blinked and then started laughing as Juvia asked a little heatedly what he was talking about. I grinned, "Oh a few weeks ago we beat up this little troop of wizards that tried to mug us in the woods. The last one standing was a fortune teller that predicted that Gray would have trouble with water and women unless he heeded the advice of his friends. Now it's coming true because you're a water woman and he's not heeding our advice to put his clothes on and keep them on so he's having all sorts of trouble with you and now Lucy too. I gotta wonder how long it'll be before Erza gets in on it," I added with a grin.

Gray immediately went ghostly pale, snatched up his coat and wrapped it around himself before crouching down so that he looked like a Gray-faced penguin wrapped in a floor length coat as he waddled around picking up his clothes when he walked over them like a little robotic trash collector. He was blushing furiously as we howled with laughter, even Juvia gave in to her curiosity and looked, which got her giggling too.

A moment later, he paused and pulled his head down into his jacket. He moved around in there a bit and then he stood up, revealing himself to now be fully dressed and looking very proud of himself, "AHA!"

Only for his pants to fall right back down.

Juvia and Lucy had to hold onto each other to keep from falling over they were laughing so hard and I was rolling on the ground clutching my gut cackling so hard I couldn't breathe. If it were possible to actually die from laughing too much then Natsu, Happy and I would've been in serious danger. Even _Erza_ was laughing out loud as Gray looked horrified and pulled his pants back up before sitting down so that maybe they wouldn't fall down again.

When we finally managed to stop laughing, Gray was as pink as Natsu's hair and pouting. It was right about then that Lucy remembered the flier in her hand and looked at it like it was made of solid congealed chicken shit. She looked ready to pitch a fit for a moment and then a resigned look settled over her face and she turned to Juvia, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention Juvia."

Juvia blinked in surprise and then smiled, "It's no problem Ms. Heartfilia. I'm just doing my job."

Lucy blushed extra pink, "Please just call me Lucy. This flier's here because I ran away from home." There was a round of surprised blinks and then Juvia asked why she would do that. Lucy scowled slightly, "Because ever since I can remember, my dad has been an icy prick, but ever since my mom died a few years ago, he's become so emotionless that it's like I don't have a father anymore."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she actually shook a little, "I don't think he even sees me as his daughter anymore! I'm just some _tool_ to him, to be groomed and trained and then thrown at some rich guy to make a business deal! That's probably why he wants me back now! I bet he didn't even _notice_ when I ran away! Just you watch, we'll get back there and he'll call me into his study, tell me off and then tell me to go marry some old rich bastard like my feelings don't exist! Like I don't have any say so and should just go along with whatever scheme he's got cooked up to indulge his greedy plans!"

If my eyes hadn't been riveted to Lucy in horror, I'm certain I would've been able to pick out several horrified expressions aside from my own. "Lucy…" I said in a quiet almost whisper. I didn't even know what I wanted to say next, it just popped out. I knew in my head that such rotten people existed, that arranged marriages for business deals were older than time and that they could be terribly unpleasant…but that was all just data in my head. I had never met anyone who'd had the misfortune to run afoul of them before. Now my friend was in front of me crying and I had no idea where to even begin to comfort her.

Then Juvia pulled Lucy into a hug. Lucy blinked in surprise and then Juvia declared quietly, "Juvia's sorry, she didn't know. Juvia won't take you back, not to a horrible place like that."

Lucy's voice was thick with anger and grief as she mumbled, "No, we'll go. We'll go and we'll take Natsu and Jerry and Erza and Gray and I'm going to make it crystal clear to him that I am not his puppet."

Juvia laid her head on top of Lucy's, "Juvia hopes Lucy's father is less disagreeable than Juvia's was."

I _know_ more than a few eyes popped open at that one. Lucy asked what Juvia was talking about and then Juvia revealed quietly, "Juvia's father was the same way. Very rich, but colder than the gold he hoarded. After Master Jose came to take Juvia to Phantom Lord because he had heard about her magic, Juvia's father said such awful things about Juvia and said she wasn't his daughter anymore. Juvia thinks she hadn't been for a long time though." She was quiet for a moment before a small smile graced her lips, "Gajeel-kun beat him up for making Juvia cry and got in trouble with the Magic Council for it, but Gajeel-kun has been Juvia's best friend ever since."

There were a few moments of silence and then Natsu groaned, "Awww man! Now I'm gonna have to take back what I said about Gajeel being a jerk!"

Erza promptly smacked him in the head for ruining the mood.

_**NEXT TIME! On Mad Little Slice of Heaven...**_

_The floor exploded as a massive…__**thing**__ of ice erupted through it, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I came within an inch of wetting myself in surprise. Snow started howling through the room as the temperature plunged even lower. Then I noticed something that made me go pale, "YUKA! THE DOME!"_

_"HOW THE HELL DID IT FREEZE?!" Yuka shouted over the roaring wind as he saw that his Wave Shield had indeed somehow frozen solid._


	16. Chapter 14: Reunions

_**AN: Ok, first off, sorry for the late posting everybody! I know it's after Friday for some of you, but I've been falling asleep as soon as I get home pretty regular this week, so the following fight scene is brought to you by Last Minute Productions! On my last read through before posting I realized this fight deserved more attention than it was originally going to get, so it did! But enough of that, you've waited long enough! So as always our customary starter, Reviewer Replies! :D**_

_**AnimeMyWorld: **__They don't realize everything, just that they'd forgotten about Wendy, Sting, Rogue, Anna and each other. The other pieces of that puzzle are still a complete mystery to them, so the timeline is far from wrecked. Thanks for the good wishes and here's the newest update!_

**_Prometo:_**_ Glad you liked it! Yes they have remembered Wendy, Sting, Rogue, Anna and each other. As for potentially earlier arrivals, I'm not telling. That would be spoilers. I'm glad you like the Juvia-Lucy friendship, I thought that scene worked really well too. Sorry to make you wait a little extra this week, here's the chapter._

**_Blaze2121:_**_ Yep, I know who it is. A possibility of kids by someone other than the final pairing? My dear Blaze, __**any **__time a male and female have sex there is a chance, no matter how miniscule, of a child. So yes, there is the possibility of Jerry having a child by someone other than his final match, although there won't be anything funny about it as Jerry is the sort to take his duty as a father with the utmost seriousness. It hasn't shown up much yet, but Jerry has a deep seated love of children and messing with children is a guaranteed __**BERSERK**__ button of his. Natsu has NEVER raged as hard as Jerry will over an injured child. He's also not the type to start any sort of relationship if he's not willing to keep up with it. Drunk one night stands aren't his thing at all, so the odds of a child popping up from one are exactly zilch since he'll never have a drunk one night stand. As for Ur and Gildarts, yes I see where you're going with that, but I don't have any plans for it (currently, not everything is set in stone yet). _

**_Reptil:_**_ Glad you laughed, I had to write that scene like five times to make it appropriate levels of funny. :D Comedy is hard :/ ... but anyway, yeah it seems like everyone wants to see kid Sting Rogue and Wendy show up sooner rather than later. Since it's so popular, I guess I can go ahead and admit in my usual vague way that Sting and Rogue will be showing up earlier than the canon Grand Magic Games arc. Beyond that, I'm not saying. Not when, not where, not why. Too much spoilers already but I hope that gets a smile. Yes, Gray will make good on his promise to teach Juvia everything he knows, and if Ur makes it then she and Lyon will be delighted to help as well. Ultear? Hmmm...I wonder what's going to happen with her...read on and find out!_

**_DarkDrawerJ: _**_Glad you like!_

**_Raidentensho:_**_ Mmhmmyesmmmmhmmm(snort-snuffle-various-noncommittal-noises) I do believe that would be possible, but it would be something that would require a true MASTER mage, one well versed in many, many forms of magic._

**_Lazymanjones96:_**_ Welcome oh lazy one! I'm glad you're enjoying, here's your next dose!_

**_Raphaim:_**_ Don't worry about it, this sort of thing is only slightly more embarrassing than usual for Gray. He'll laugh about it later._

_**And now, without further ado...**_

**Chapter 14 – Reunions**

I won't bore you with the details on breaking the so-called "curse". That took five minutes, Erza proving she's smart and highly observative on top of everything else, her super strength armor and long-distance javelin, a high-powered blast from me, and a brief explanation. We were then treated to the rare sight of demons joyously dancing in the now freely falling rain (turns out the villagers were actually demons who had been made to forget they were demons to begin with by some sort of holy magical lens cloud over the island).

Instead, let's skip right to the fun bit…what came _after_ we left the village.

The six of us were calmly walking through the jungle, and I had to admit, it was beautiful. Now that the so-called curse had been lifted, I could see this island becoming a major tourist spot. It wasn't the most cheerful of walks. All of us had our eyes peeled. Erza was out front, then Natsu and Happy were behind her, followed by Lucy, Juvia, Gray and me bringing up the rear. I had my telepathic radar going, keeping my mental eyes peeled for any sign of trouble.

This made the series of giant ground shaking _thumps _that brought the whole party to a stop all the more surprising. I scanned the area again in consternation, wondering how the hell I missed something big enough to make a noise like that. I frowned and turned, knowing I wasn't going to like whatever I saw as I declared, "I can't sense anything but bugs, birds and a…"

"RAAAAAAAAT!" Juvia screamed.

Granted, as the fifty foot high rat glared at us, I was rather inclined to agree with her, even as I recalled how irrationally terrified Julie had always been of rats. "Gray, make an igloo and then start breakin' out the spears! Natsu! Happy! With me!" I threw out one of my cards and leapt on, immediately sticking myself to it with my telekinesis and lighting myself up like a spotlight as I sky surfed towards the giant mangy…why was it wearing a dress and tutu?

It clicked with me about two seconds later, _Dress and tutu, this thing is somebody's pet?! SHIT! They've got a fifty foot tall guard rat?! What the hell else have they got hidden that I didn't pick u-oh shit!_

Surprisingly, the rat was quite quick, especially for something that size. I only narrowly dodged the trampoline sized paw tipped with claws that looked more like cavalry sabers as it rocketed through the air in an attempt to swat me. "OKAY MICKEY!" I roared as I righted myself from my impromptu barrel roll out of the way, "YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

I created an illusion of a Gatlin gun (not necessary for rapid fire, but a nice mental trick) and proceeded to unload my Beacon Shroud (as it would thenceforth be known) right at its face, "**_DIIIIIIIIIIE MICKEEEEEY!_**" I followed it up with an insane laugh as an absolute barrage of bomb shots fell upon the chef's worst nightmare in a cascade of explosions.

The rat turned, and just as I thought it was about to run away, something that looked like it was the size of a semi-trailer appeared in my peripheral vision and nearly batted me out of the air. If I hadn't teleported, I'd have been out of the fight immediately as its massive tail roared by. I reappeared just in time to see Natsu unleash his Fire Dragon Roar right in the rat's face. The rat decided quite promptly that it had had all it wanted and ran for the shore.

Natsu and Happy glided over to me, "You alright Jerry?!"

"Yeah it missed me," I called back before directing my gaze to the ground, "Heads up, I think we woke up some grumpy locals."

Sure enough, a small army of people in hoods, masks and cloaks were rushing out of a nearby temple set into the base of the mountain we'd been heading towards. They were promptly forced back as a flash flood appeared out of nowhere. Natsu and I gaped and then we noticed Juvia striding forward from the rapidly dissolving igloo with what looked like a pair of miniature hurricanes flanking her. She was clearly quite upset about something. I glanced over at Natsu, "Any idea what pissed her off?"

"I think she's angry about the rat," Natsu mused before exclaiming lightly, "Whoa! Looks like you were right about those wizards!"

I turned my gaze back to the ground and saw a massive golem rip itself out of the ground as a pink haired wizard girl yanked herself and her friend atop it with some kind of magic. Juvia tried to blast them with a firehose like torrent but one of the two on the golem blocked it with what looked suspiciously like a forcefield. Then Juvia was knocked reeling as an invisible force slammed into the ground next to her. The army of hooded guys were currently trying to engage Erza, Gray and Lucy. I saw one guy with claws going after Gray and… actually putting up a pretty good showing! I'd say he should've focused more on Erza since she was by far the biggest threat on our team, but that would've just gotten him eviscerated so…smart move by Claw Boy.

I turned my Gatlin-gun with a grin and called to Natsu, "Well, looks like we're about to have some fun. Normally I'd say air superiority for the win, but I think you'd burn the whole island down if you tried that! Get down there and help handle the mooks, I'll back up Juvia against those two on the rock monster!"

Before the golem could lash out at Juvia, it was engulfed in light and explosions from my Gatlin-gun. I flew down to land next to Juvia and hopped off my card before flipping it up to act as a large shield. Juvia quickly ducked behind it, "That was unnecessary but thank you."

I only narrowly managed to brace the card against the golem's immense fist as it crashed into my makeshift shield. "Guess again," I growled, "Whatever that forcefield is, it's negating our magic! That bombardment would've leveled a city block if it had hit and as much of your water evaporated as splashed on contact. If that hits you, Water Body or not, it's gonna hurt."

Juvia was quiet for a split second and then, "I see. Can you stall them while I make an opening?"

I shot a grin over my shoulder, "You got it!" Juvia nodded and disappeared into a puddle of water that quickly wicked away and through the sand. I willed a dozen more of my cards out and into the shape of a skill saw blade. I grinned and slammed my shield aside before launching my new weapon Captain America style right into the force field. This was the first glimpse I got of my opponents.

One had pink hair and a gothic Lolita outfit going on. Not a bad look for her, but she wasn't nearly as cute as my favorite ladies. Judging by the way her hands were held like she was operating a marionette, I had to guess that she was the one operating the golem. The other wizard with her was apparently the one creating the forcefield. He had hair almost as blue as Juvia's that stood on end like a troll doll, and his eyebrows would've made Rock Lee and Might Guy offer him a green jumpsuit on principle. For anyone who doesn't get that reference, his eyebrows looked like he'd taken a good push broom (not too soft but not too firm, perfect for sweeping copious amounts of sand or dust), sawed it in half, and stuck it to his forehead.

He looked entirely too confident in himself, although I suppose the magic negating field that effortlessly repulsed my card saw was a pretty good trick, and his partner's rock golem did make a good complement to his abilities. I narrowly managed to teleport out of the way as the giant stone fist swung at me again. Telekinetic card shield or not, if I took an overhead swing like that I was screwed. I teleported behind a tree just in time to catch my card saw as it cut through the trunk like a knife through butter. I disassembled the card saw and kept one out to act as a surf board while I grabbed the unsteady trunk's core with my telekinesis. I lowered it like a lance and blared trumpets over my Archive speaker to make absolutely sure they didn't notice Juvia sneaking up from behind. _"__CHARGE!"_ roared the speakers and I jetted towards the golem with my tree lance leveled at the two atop the golem.

I have to give Mega-brows credit. He didn't even flinch as he started shooting bolts of that magic negating forcefield at me. I ducked and weaved around them, but there were too many coming too fast. He tagged my card and the ground quite literally fell out from under me, but by then it didn't matter because, "WATER SLICER!"

Juvia erupted out of the sand behind the golem and carved it to rubble in seconds with high pressure water jets. Not one to miss an opening, I landed and used my telekinesis to swing my tree like a baseball bat, "**BAAATTER UUUP!**" **_POW! _**Apparently, 'magic proof' does not equal '_tree_ proof'.

The two wizards atop the golem went flying and I turned my attentions to the rest of the battle, just in time to see Lucy summon the familiar form of Taurus. _Really Lucy? _I thought, _You're only just now summoning Taurus?_ Then I saw a whole lot of shining pieces of metal go flying from the crowd around where Taurus had just popped up, and a guy with crab legs sticking out of his back and a pair of scissors all but skated out of a pack of masked henchmen that Taurus proceeded to send flying with an axe slam that made the ground explode. I raised an eyebrow, _Actually, that's a pretty good combo! Nice one Lucy!_

Then Scissors, who I later learned to be Cancer, got nailed from behind and Taurus suddenly roared in terror. My gaze snapped to the bovine behemoth and a chill ran down my spine as Taurus's eyes started to glow a very unfriendly shade of pink. Mega-Brows and Goth-Pinky had gotten up remarkably quick, with a new golem forming under them.

"Well," Juvia mused dryly, "It would seem our opponents are a little hardier than I would've expected. Do you have any more trees to throw at them?" I just grinned and shot my arm out behind me. Fifty two cards shot from my sleeve like bullets like massive rocket powered razor blades, and over a dozen trees started to topple.

"_Plenty." _I grinned before throwing my arm back forward to snatch with my telekinesis and send a barrage of trees like javelins straight at the new golem as Juvia added her own immense water attack. Then we felt our chances drop like rocks as Taurus stepped in front of the golem and spun his axe so fast it looked like a solid disc of steel. Wet saw dust rained down across jungle floor as everyone present gaped. Then the brainwashed Taurus raised his axe over his head and with a roar like a fog horn slammed his axe into the ground.

I shit you not, a chasm split the island clear to the shoreline from the force of that hit. If Juvia and I had been standing even two feet closer together, he would've gotten us.

Juvia and I took a second to gawk and then immediately ran for cover because Taurus was winding up for another hit, "**_LUUUCYYY! CLOSE THE GATE!_**"

"I CAN'T!" Lucy shouted back, "IT'S NOT WORKING!"

Taurus's axe came down again like a meteor…and stopped short as an almighty clash of metal on metal rang out across the clearing. I peeked out from behind the tree I'd dove behind and stared as Erza casually held Taurus's axe to the ground with the tip of her sword, "Well Taurus, that was quite impressive axe work. I've never fought a Celestial Spirit before. Why don't we have a little fun? Just you and me hmmm?"

"**NOOOOOO!"** Taurus bellowed in a panic before yanking his axe clear for a fresh swing, "**I HATE TO HURT A PRETTY LADY, BUT I CAN'T CONTROL MY MOVEMENTS RIGHT NOW!"**

"Don't worry!" Erza declared as she easily hopped over his next swing, completely heedless of the way his axe mowed down three trees like they weren't there, "I will make sure you can't hurt anyone!" Then she proceeded to go toe to toe with him. I wanted really bad to watch, because my respect and admiration for the Fairy Queen had just shot through the roof, but right then I had more pressing concerns…

"JUVIA!" I shouted, "TAKE DOWN THE ENFORCERS! NATSU! YOU AND ME ARE HANDLING THE WIZARDS! LUCY! KEEP TRYING TO CLOSE THAT GATE!"

I unleashed a barrage of flash bombs towards the golem. It wasn't lost on me that now that the pink haired wizard was having to control two forms the golem was moving a lot slower. Mega-brows was still an issue with his forcefield, but even if I couldn't hit through his forcefield, that didn't mean I couldn't blind the puppet master.

_"_Natsu? Juvia? As in Fairy Tail's Salamander and Phantom Lord's Rain Woman? And I guess that makes the redhead Erza Titania! What an impressive line up! Perhaps I should mention that we are part of a respected wizarding guild ourselves?" Mega-brows called as he forcefield blocked a torrent of flames from Natsu, "Does the name Lamia Scale mean anything to you?"

"Right now, it means people who work for my friend's doofus brother and don't know how to negotiate!" I shouted back as I dove aside to dodge his return fire forcefield blast, "The damned demon's already _dead! _We're here for the _woman_ in the ice!"

The golem, the wizards on it, and indeed the entire battlefield went instantly quiet as my words made impact. Of course, most of them were already out cold. Half a dozen wizards is a bit much for anything except an equal number of wizards to handle. Then a voice asked from way _way _too close behind me, "How exactly can you possibly know that?"

I stiffened and then turned to find myself face to face with a guy in a helmet, a cape and much fancier clothes than anyone else on the island. "I'm a telepathic wizard. Ur reached out when I scanned the island for hostiles last night."

"Ur's dead," Helmet-head declared as he raised a hand which immediately started glowing with what I recognized as ice magic. I pointed, "AHA! SO YOU'RE GRAY'S DOOFUS BROTHER!"

I couldn't see his eyes, but the pause indicated a blink, "You know Gray?"

"ICE-MAKE HAMMER!"

Helmet-head's helmet was promptly rung like a bell. It even made a nice gong sound.

To Lyon's credit, he only staggered from the impact, yanking his still ringing and freshly dented helmet off and clutching his head. Granted, it was only about a tenth the size of Gray's usual Ice Hammer, but still, it would've flattened most people. The head full of spiky white hair turned a pained and indignant glare on Gray, "GODDAMIT GRAY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! AND WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Gray set the icy hammer on his shoulder, "That's how we say hello to our rivals in Fairy Tail. As for why I'm here, I came out here to retrieve my dumbass fire-breathing friend. I didn't realize I'd find more than one of my rivals out here. Iced Shell turns the user into the ice and preserves their consciousness in a state of suspended animation. Master Ur didn't know an elemental body spell, so she thought it would be the effective end of her, trapped forever as immobile and eternal ice. However, we now have someone with us who _does_ know an elemental body spell, which even happens to be _water_ body, and that means that as soon as Master Ur finishes melting, she'll be able to reform her body and be as good as new. Also, she's finished killing Deliora already, so no worries there either."

Lyon started stammering and protesting. I could hear the gears in his brain grinding and screeching to process that. I calmly raised a hand, "**_Link._**"

"_Hello Lyon,_" A feminine voice echoed through my head into Lyon's.

Lyon's head snapped up and he looked around wildly, "MASTER UR?!"

"_It's been a long time,_" Ur declared with what felt like a smile, "_You've both grown up so much. I have a favor to ask of you._"

"Um, okay?" Gray answered warily.

"_Tell Zalty to drop the disguise. You can tie her up if you have to, but I want to hug my daughter once I have arms again._"

Wait, what?

…

…

As it turned out, Zalty was the name of a stumpy little bastard in a mask that worked as Lyon's number-one sneak about. Said stumpy little bastard's appearance as such was also actually a magical disguise for a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a body to rival Mira's as well as the power signature I'd picked up on that rivaled Erza's. I learned from Erza's being utterly floored by the reveal, that she was also a member of Magic Council.

Said drop-dead deadly gorgeous Magic Councilwoman did _not_ take being called by her first name well. She did _not_ like being told that her mother was alive. She _really_ didn't like being trapped in a dome of **You-Shall-Not-Pass** by Yuka the Mega-brow's Wave, and surprisingly enough, for some reason she really **_REALLY_** did not like Gray and Lyon. Even more surprising though?

She **HATED **me.

Apparently it was somehow all my fault. This lead to another interesting revelation: Ultear's got one _hell_ of a stink-eye on her. It was enough to make Gray and Lyon freeze up immediately, so I guess she inherited it from Ur. She demanded to know how I had known and I responded by bringing her into the telepathic conversation with Ur.

The immediate influx of hurt and rage and unless I misunderstood them, fear and betrayal, was almost enough to immediately shatter the link just from sheer overload. I tuned it to just the four ice wizards and mostly out of my head. The shouting and emotions were still there, but it was like it was going on in the apartment next door instead of inside my head.

I turned to everyone else, "Okay, Ultear is very upset, apparently mostly with Ur, Gray and Lyon. I'm hearing something about being abandoned and replaced. She is very VERY upset with me for making this telepathic conversation possible, but if Ur is right, then she'll be fine once this whatever undoubtedly sad and tragic backstory they apparently have is sorted out. Now everybody stay on your toes because Ultear's a powerhouse, and if that conversation goes badly, then she can probably find a way out of that bubble and whip everyone here except maybe Erza all at once, and she could probably throw down evenly with Erza." _That _earned some politely disbelieving stares.

Then the temperature started plummeting. I glanced around nervously and I wasn't the only one as our breath started to steam and ice started forming on every available surface at an absolutely alarming rate. "The question now…" I breathed, "Is which one of them is doing that?"

Then the floor exploded as a massive…_thing_ of ice erupted through it, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I came within an inch of wetting myself in surprise. Snow started howling through the room as the temperature plunged even lower. Then I noticed something that made me go pale, "YUKA! THE DOME!"

"HOW THE HELL DID IT FREEZE?!" Yuka shouted over the roaring wind.

Then a voice replied, cutting through the howling localized blizzard easily, "Nothing gets between a mother and her children." Then the flash frozen dome shattered and Gray and Lyon were thrown towards where it had been.

A moment later the blizzard settled down, leaving the entire room covered in snow. We all blinked in confusion and then did doubletakes as we realized there was a beautiful dark-haired woman who looked like a short haired version of Ultear hugging her, Gray and Lyon. Ultear was crammed in the middle and looking a bit stunned.

Silence reigned for what seemed like a long time and then Gray and Lyon seemed to register what was going on and hugged Ur back. I'm not sure which one of them said, "Welcome home big sis."

That was apparently the straw that broke Ultear's… recalcitrance? Reservations? Resentment? The point is she started bawling like a baby and it was messy and sweet and I was very glad I had my Archive because I did _not_ have a camera. Thankfully though, Archive was able to compensate and that picture wound up on no less than four mantles. I could not have been gladder to have put Juvia in telepathic contact with Ur the instant we were in range.

What? I like my contingency plans! There was no guarantee that we'd be able to actually get anywhere near the temple, and we honestly didn't _need_ to for me to connect Juvia to Ur and transfer the elemental body spell that would save Ur, so why wait?

The results clearly spoke for themselves after all.

Now if only Ur's entrance blizzard hadn't caked enough snow and ice onto my face for me to have a full-blown Santa beard of it… Then Erza, Juvia and Lucy noticed and started giggling at it…I reached up and idly scratched it as I conjured an illusion of a Santa hat and turned my cape red to match, _I wonder if I should grow my beard out?_

I threw my hand out to the side with a wannabe suave look at them, "It is I! _Santa Jerry!_" All three girls immediately lost it cackling.

…

…

After the tearful reunion had mostly dried up, Ultear stepped back with a smile as bright and happy as any at Fairy Tail, "I have to go for now, there's someone I have to go and see, but I'll come see you at Fairy Tail as soon as I can."

Ur looked at her with an eyebrow quirked knowingly, "Is this about what you were hiding from our telepathic conversation?"

Ultear went pale and started stammering as Gray and Lyon started grinning smugly. Apparently they'd been on the receiving end of that look before quite often. Ur smiled and hugged Ultear again, "Don't stay away too long this time okay?" Ultear almost started crying again, but instead she just nodded and then turned and absolutely _booked it_ for the shore.

I blinked at her rapid departure and then I turned to the three remaining ice wizards, "Okay, so…Ms. Ur and Lyon, are you two coming with us to Fairy Tail or…?"

Lyon coughed lightly, "I'm, actually already a member of Lamia Scale along with my team. The old hag will be angry with us for being gone so long, but I very much doubt she'll kick us out."

"You know she's gonna spin us," Mega-brows Yuka grumbled. A guy who looked very erm…dog like (and I mean that in the best possible way, he seriously looked like a dog!) shouted that the aforementioned hag, who I guess was the guild master of Lamia Scale, was going to be furious with them.

"It's only because she loves us," the girl that had taken over Taurus's body declared.

Lyon nodded, "True. That being said… _Master Ur, you should totally join Lamia Scale instead of Fairy Tail!_"

"WHAT?!" Everyone from Fairy Tail except me exclaimed. I just face palmed.

Before a fight inspired by guild pride could erupt, Juvia stepped forward, "Um, actually…I think Lyon might be right…_but I swear there's a good reason!" _she added in terror as Natsu, Gray and Erza gave her a triple death glare that made her seem to shrink down to a tenth her size.

"And what reason," Erza asked as she not-so-subtly summoned a sword, "_might that be?"_

"Phantom Lord's about to declare war on Fairy Tail and Master Jose aims to wipe you off the face of the earth?" Juvia squeaked, seeming to shrink smaller with each babbled word, "Juvia's really sorry and she argued against it as best she could? Please don't kill Juvia…" There was a protracted and thoroughly stunned silence, and then…

******_"_****_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"_** everyone from Fairy Tail, me included this time, plus everyone else who understood the import of that, which was everybody, screamed.

Juvia's legs gave out in fear and she broke down in terrified sobs as it all poured out. Granted, it now made sense why she had been terrified to find out that Laxus and Mystogan were in town even as Gajeel was taking off to go find his long-lost siblings and the mission be damned.

Apparently Master Jose of Phantom Lord was a seriously egotistical prick who was feeling threatened by Fairy Tail's awesomeness. Apparently Phantom Lord and Fairy Tail had been rivals since their conception, with their respective first masters having been enemies, so this feud was _not_ new. However since Jose had gotten the job from Lucy's dad and found out that Lucy was with Fairy Tail, Jose's paranoia had skyrocketed and he'd thought that Fairy Tail was trying to buy our way to the top using Lucy's family's money. Apparently, Lucy was the only child of one of the richest men in the kingdom. I tucked that information away for later musing even though I knew it didn't make a damn to how I viewed her. She was still my friend.

Juvia explained how Jose had sent her and Gajeel to take Lucy by force and provoke Fairy Tail into storming Phantom's main base of operations where an ambush would be set up for Master Makarov by the entirety of their S-Class. This was at an additional request from Lucy's father to eradicate Fairy Tail which had only cemented Jose's half-baked plans to start a guild war with the aim of Fairy Tail's wholesale destruction. Lucy looked horrified, Gray and Natsu were a hair's breadth from absolutely _losing it_, Erza was so pale with rage that I was starting to legitimately worry about her health, and I was an ample plenty of ready to go kill Lucy's dad in the slowest most painful manner I could think of.

"Why are you telling us this?" Erza ground out.

Juvia looked like she wanted to cry some more and then she gathered herself to mumble, "Because Juvia likes you all… Juvia…Juvia wants to be friends with Fairy Tail. In Phantom Lord, we…we don't have friends. Nobody does, but Juvia especially because Juvia makes it rain all the time… Even among the Element Four only Gajeel really likes Juvia…and Master Jose shot down Juvia's protests without even considering them for a moment… Fairy Tail just…seems so warm and happy…is…is it wrong for Juvia to want to switch?!" She asked desperately.

That took us all by surprise. "You want to leave Phantom and join Fairy Tail?" Erza asked in surprise.

Juvia poked her fingers together with a blush under her tear stained cheeks, "Um…if, if that's alright…with Gajeel gone and only the Element Four left to face off against three of Fairy Tail's S-Class, the Thunder Legion, Natsu, Gray and Jerry, Juvia thinks Master Jose is biting off more than he can chew. Juvia thought it was a bad idea even _before_ she knew Laxus and Mystogan were in town, but with those two around?" she winced.

"Juvia's not suicidal, and Juvia doesn't think Totomaru can beat Natsu, also Sol's a big mean _dummy_ and Aria's no better. So if the Mech-Giant doesn't work, and Juvia thinks it doesn't stand much chance given what you all did to that demon Eisenwald summoned, Juvia saw the pictures you know…" she took a shaky breath, "then Phantom doesn't really have any trump cards good enough to beat the rest of Fairy Tail." She exhaled with a sudden flash of annoyance and pouted in a way that was unwittingly very cute, "But does anyone listen to Juvia? _Nooooo…_fight Fairy Tail they said! It'll be fun they said! _Juvia's seen Fairy Tail fight and she wants absolutely no part of it!_"

Then Lyon seemed to teleport over to rest a hand on her shoulder as he leaned down with a bright smile, "Oh you don't want to join _Fairy Tail_ Juvia, you should come join Lamia Scale! We're _much _better than those hooliGANS!"

He went flying as Gray set his ice golf club on his shoulder and quirked an eyebrow, "Fooour. Ice Make Golf-club. Don't diss my guild Lyon."

I missed what came next because Erza immediately had me calling Master Makarov to warn them. Master Makarov laughed and relayed the image of a guy with mismatched black and white hair and a red ninja outfit trying to balance on a new dunking booth while dodging pillows being thrown by half the guild. I burst out laughing as Master explained it over the screen I had pulled him up on with Archive. Juvia went slightly bug-eyed at the sight.

"Totomaru there, the Fire Element of the Element Four, tried to set the Guild Hall on fire," Master explained with a smug grin, "He didn't realize that Natsu does that at least three or four times a week and our anti-Natsu measures caught him. Now everyone's using Totomaru to test out the new dunking booth, and Sol, the Earth Element, is over there." He turned the screen to reveal a green haired man tied up, hanging from the ceiling and covered in confetti while being used for a piñata…_by Elfman._

Master grinned, "Mira caught him snooping around Jerry and Lucy's apartment building and called down half the guild on him." Erza nodded approvingly while Juvia twitched ever so slightly. Master grinned, "We also already got full and signed confessions from both of them admitting what Juvia just told you, so we've got blackmail material on Phantom out the wazoo now. Jose tries anything now, and I can throw him to the Council like a doggy bone." He cackled, "Let's see 'em say I run the most troublesome guild in the kingdom _now!"_

Juvia's eyes went a little wider and then her expression fell and she declared flatly, "Juvia would like to join Fairy Tail _immediately_. Phantom Lord has _far _too many dummies in it."

Master smiled, "We'd be delighted to have you Juvia. You're not here yet, but I'll go ahead and say it, welcome to Fairy Tail!"

Juvia perked up at that and then frowned worriedly, "Can Juvia bring Gajeel? Gajeel's the only good thing in Phantom Lord. Juvia would like to keep her best friend."

My smile widened as Master grinned, "The more the merrier!"

Juvia smiled, "Yay!"

…

…

Juvia took a moment to visibly steel herself and then she nodded to me, "Okay, I'm ready." I nodded, "Putting you through."

A guy with a long mustache and a pony tail who looked every bit the slime ball I'd been warned he was appeared on my screen, "Hello? Who is this?"

"Master Jose, Juvia would like to report," Juvia replied.

Jose's eyes widened and then, "There you are! Where the hell have you been Juvia? You were supposed to report in with the Heartfilia girl yesterday!" He looked to either side of the screen, "And where's that moron Gajeel? Who's projecting for you? I know neither of you can do this."

Juvia's face screwed up in rage at the abuse. "That is what Juvia was calling to _report about_," she ground out.

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?! Get on with it!"

Juvia held her temper in check…narrowly, "Juvia has found Lucy Heartfilia. Lucy Heartfilia was on the S-Class quest to Galuna Island. That quest has now been completed. Gajeel has taken leave of absence to find his family. Juvia will be escorting Lucy Heartfilia to her home and sending the guild's twenty percent of the reward money to you." There were numerous choked back exclamations of _TWENTY PERCENT?!_ Even I raised an eyebrow, that was _quadruple_ what Fairy Tail got of our winnings.

Jose frowned and then roared, "WHAT?! HOW DARE THAT BONEHEAD ABANDON HIS MISSION! I OUGHT TO KICK HIM OUT FOR THIS! HELL, I THINK I WILL…" he made a visible effort to control his shouting and then, "Get the Heartfilia girl back here at once and be ready! Totomaru and Sol should be back soon from burning down the Fairy Tail Guild Hall, and the stupid fairies will no doubt be hot on their heels!"

Juvia twitched as she made a very good effort to keep her voice steady, "Juvia does not think you understood, _Master Jose_," the venom dripping from his name as she spat it out was almost palpable, "Juvia is taking Lucy Heartfilia _to her home and completing the job. It will be Juvia's __**last**__job for Phantom Lord so she is sending the guild's twenty percent to the Guild Hall by mail. __**Did Juvia make herself quite clear, Master Jose?!**__" _Juvia's voice had risen to a near shriek of fury by this point and she took a second to gather herself before continuing.

Jose's face went blank in shock and then Juvia continued acerbically, "As for Totomaru and that bungling moron Sol, those two _botched. It._ They got caught and told Fairy Tail everything, even signing written confessions Juvia hears, and also Councilwoman Ultear Milkovich's _mother _is standing _right here listening to you along with representatives from Lamia Scale, ALL OF WHOM HEARD THE WHOLE THING_. So in short…" she declared coldly, "Phantom Lord is as good as _defunct."_

"On top of that," she added as Jose went ghostly pale, "all but maybe Gildarts of Fairy Tail's S-Class are currently _in _Magnolia at Fairy Tail's Guild Hall, or standing right here next to Juvia, as well as their counterpart to Gajeel, his equally formidable rival, the rival's brother from Lamia Scale who would probably jump to Fairy Tail's aid in a heartbeat along with _his_ very formidable team, and the wizard who took out the entirety of the Eisenwald Guild in less than two minutes who was _not_ in fact Mystogan. In short, they have at least half a dozen wizards of the Element Four's caliber _or better,_ as opposed to Phantom's four with Gajeel not fighting, one of which is Juvia, who is quitting, and two of which have already been subdued, therefore they don't count. So you are out-gunned _at least _half a dozen to one, on _top _of having lost the element of surprise _and_ Master Makarov having you by the balls with those confessions."

Juvia paused for a moment to let that sink in and then, as Jose looked to be in serious danger of at least fainting and possibly having a full-on heart attack, she continued with a little sniff, "Juvia expects Totomaru and Sol will drag themselves back to the guild after Fairy Tail finishes publicly humiliating them for their amusement, but Juvia will _not_ return and she will tell Gajeel not to either. Juvia is completing this one last job for Phantom and that. Is. IT. So, that being said, _there is only one thing left for Juvia to say!_" Juvia all but shouted.

Jose flinched back in surprise and no small amount of what looked like fear at Juvia's fury, then Juvia's face softened and she said quietly, "Thank you. For everything." She nodded to me sharply and I cut the transmission.

Juvia took a deep breath, tilted her head back and screwed her eyes shut. Then there was a burst of purple light from her thigh and a strangled _"__EEP!"_ escaped her in a way that let anyone who heard it know that she was doing her very best to hold back an outright **scream** of pain. It only took a fraction of a second for us to realize she had just erased her own guild mark.

Gray, Lyon and I jumped to catch her if she fell, with everyone else present only half a second behind us, but she raised a hand to still our concern and ground out as she fought back tears, "No. Juvia made this choice, she'll…_I _will stand by it."

"Alright," Gray replied as he stepped forward anyway and set a hand on her shoulder, "But if you need anything, we're here for you." Lyon and I both nodded and I saw everyone else doing the same. A pained grimace twisted across Juvia's face as she cracked her watery eyes ever so slightly and nodded jerkily, "Yep."

Then Gray pulled her into a hug and Juvia went completely still for a moment. I think Juvia might have cut loose the absolute flood of tears she was holding back right then…if not for one little thing.

Said thing being that the flood promptly evaporated as she looked up at Gray in annoyance and growled out with a dangerously twitchy grin, "**Gray.** Where. Are. _Your clothes?_"

"AW CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

Cue Juvia chasing Gray around the forest calling him a pervert while I used Archive to play some appropriately wacky chase music and everyone howling with laughter. I could be misremembering, but I'm certain in a gasp for breath to fuel further laughter, I heard Lyon mutter with a grin, "Good old Gray…"

Then Ur pulled him into a hug with a mischievous grin and made him blush as red as Erza's hair as he realized that she had just pulled his face straight into her cleavage and her shirt was conspicuously missing. "WHERE ARE _YOUR _CLOTHES?!_"_ That only redoubled the laughter.

Then Ur asked him in a sultry voice, "Where are yours?"

"AW CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!" I couldn't help it. I freakin' lost it and laughed until I couldn't breathe.

...

**NEXT TIME, on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_There was a sound of gauntlet meeting skull, face meeting floor and flying cat being snatched out of the air. Erza's death glare landed on Lucy and she absolutely __growled__, "__**MARCH.**__"_

_Then they all remembered. All three of them went ghostly pale and Lucy turned and obediently marched in front of Erza over to Master Makarov while Erza dragged Natsu and Happy. I followed behind them along with Gray and Juvia in the silence that immediately fell in wake of Erza, well…__pulling an Erza__._

_Master immediately righted himself and sobered up from where he'd been reclining in his usual spot on the bar and put on his best serious face. To my surprise, he had a remarkably terrifying serious face even when he barely came up to my waist. A part of me wondered if he had given Erza lessons on it at some point, __**because his was scarier**__. _


	17. Chapter 15: Home

_**AN: Ok! As always, reviewer replies! :D**_

_**Prometo: **__As always, glad you're enjoying. Yes the way the Gray x Juvia ship was handled in canon chafed my ass at every opportunity, Juvia deserves better than that constant rejection crap. Needless to say, I am VERY pleased with what 100 Year Quest has been doing with it. Yes in the battle scene Jerry was lobbing entire trees (just small ones though). Erza vs Taurus would've been a pretty good fight, but as the story's told from Jerry's perspective, anything he doesn't see he can't recount. There'll be different POV chapters in the future, but for now we're limited to Jerry's POV._

**_Raidentensho: _**_Glad you're still liking. Was that a request for spoilers on the End Pairing? Sorry, I'm not tellin'. I will however specify that it is not Juvia. Take that one to the bank, I will admit this freely: JERRY'S END PAIRING IS NOT JUVIA. Juvia is much to similar to Jerry's best friend from his world Julie, so the extreme friend zoning carries over. They will team up and hang out often in the future though, as will Gajeel. More things to be altered you say? (cackles) Oh just you wait!_

**_Blaze2121:_**_Perfect date for Erza? Cake + Picnic + Romance + Good laughs because her date has a good handle on her sense of humor + the two secret ingredients that she would never ever admit to (good fight and a steamy 3 hot ending). Bonus points if she somehow gets some new armor that she absolutely adores out of it. Pick at least three and you have a very happy Erza. How would Jerry react to meeting a certain black dragon? The same way Roronoa Zoro reacts to meeting God: "That depends on his attitude."_

**_Reptil:_**_(bows) Thank you! Thank you! Why was Laxus still in town? He might not have been, but he hadn't had time to go very far if he wasn't. What was that about puppets? I could've sworn there was something in your comment about puppets having their strings cut, but I think that's unlikely since I only use sock puppets. Isn't that right Mr. Lefty? (left hand sock nods in agreement)_

**_And now that I have finally found the little button that makes these nice line breaks..._**

* * *

**Chapter 15 - Home**

The land of Fiore is one of the most gorgeous I've ever seen, don't know if I've made that clear yet or not. It's got mountains, forests, babbling brooks in the bottom of gentle valleys and every bit of it looks like something straight out of a postcard. The towns are every bit as picturesque, and I don't think I could make it a prettier country if I tried. If I had to compare it to a place in my home world, I'd say Virginia or the French countryside. The weather was perfect, not too hot not too cold, just a mild autumn day with a couple of puffy white clouds overhead to give the sun something to peek out from behind. It's really a shame that I was in such a foul mood that day, it was a perfect day for drinking in the sights.

Why was I in so foul a humor after such happy events as what had transpired on Galuna?

"_Daddy look! I made a rice ball with your face on it!" "I'm busy right now." "…Oh, okay. I'm just gonna leave it right here then. It's not good to work on an empty stomach." "DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN LUCY?! QUIT BEING SUCH A PEST! I DON'T WANT TO EAT YOUR SILLY RICE BALL!"_

Because I could hear Lucy's thoughts _perfectly._

A damn near inhuman growl ripped its way out of my throat, startling Lucy from her reminiscing in the shotgun seat of my...well, at _this_ size my card car almost counted as a small passenger airliner. If I wasn't wrapped up in my Blackout Mode, there's no way I could've sustained it for such a long flight. She looked at me in surprise, along with probably everybody else. It hadn't been a _quiet _growl. "Jerry? Are you alright?"

I snarled, my eyes wide and twitchy in outrage, "Lucy. Answer me a question. Did. That fucker. Hit you?"

Pure and utter confusion flashed through Lucy's mind and then it clicked. A hand went over her mouth, "Oh my god, have you been listening to my…"

"You're thinking very loudly and I want to know just how hard we need to beat down your jackass of a…he's not _worthy _of calling himself a father if that's how he treats his child," I declared angrily. If I were Natsu I'd have been ensconced in a twenty foot high pillar of white hot flames and howling hell bent on some bloody murder. As was, I'm pretty sure I was glowing like a halogen work lamp under my Blackout Mode. "So I'll ask again," I said quietly, "Did. He. Hit you?"

She was so stunned that the honest answer couldn't help bubbling to her mind and then on out her mouth, "No, he was cold and mean, but he'd never…I…I mean…I don't _think _he would…"

I ground my teeth together and then looked over my shoulder, "Gray! I wanna put that fucker on ice! He emotionally abused the _shit_ out of Lucy! He never physically hit her but emotional pain is just as bad!" That took a second to register and then…

"Excuse me?" Ur asked icily. I downloaded the memory I had just heard from Lucy into her mind and I swear the ground two hundred feet below us got a fine coating of frost as Ur turned crimson. "Gray, Lyon," she said in a deceptively calm voice that steamed in the sudden chill pervading the air around us, "We're going to have a little Ice-Make contest when we get there. It's gonna be a winter _wonderland. _I'm making a jackass-cicle for the centerpiece. I trust you two will get very creative and _extensive_ with your creations."

"Yes ma'am," Gray and Lyon chorused.

"Is my dad gonna die?" Lucy asked nervously.

Ur laid a hand on her shoulder with a sweet, gently reassuring smile, "Oh sweety…yeah just a little bit. Don't worry, we'll wait until after you're done calling him out on his bullshit."

"Jerryyy…" Lucy whined.

I snorted at her, "Be glad I didn't share that with anyone but Ur. The place would be on fire and merrily burning right on down by the time we made it to the ground if I had. I'm gonna have a hard time not decking him on sight as is." Lucy went to protest and I cut her off, "Lucy, think about how much that memory hurts. Now think about what we do when someone hurts one of our friends even a little bit."

Lucy considered that for a moment and then went pale, "Yeah, please don't share anymore."

Erza called from the third row, "Do we need to have a talk with Mr. Heartfilia?"

"More like a Natsu-grade ass-kicking!" I called back.

"I see," Erza replied, suddenly stony faced.

I heard Lucy wail internally, _Oh god Daddy's gonna die…_ I added, "Don't kill him. That would upset Lucy even more and then he'd never get a chance to make it up to her. We'll have to settle for kicking his ass and making it extremely clear that he is to never ever, _ever_ treat her as a mere _pest _again."

The whole crowd of people on my card car, plane, thing… which included every wizard that had been on Galuna except for Ultear, went simultaneously very still. Then everyone but Juvia, who'd already had a pretty decent idea what Lucy's homelife was like from her own experience with such a life, roared in unison, "HE TREATED HER AS A WHAAAAAT?!"

"SOMEBODY PASS LUCY BACK HERE SO I CAN GIVE HER A HUG **_RIGHT NOW!"_** Erza demanded.

"Little tricky given the arrangement and altitude!" I called back, "Give Juvia one! Her dad was just as bad!" CLANK! Juvia squawked in protest as her head was suddenly yanked into Erza's breastplate.

My jaw clenched and my rage cranked up a few more notches as I heard Lucy mentally muse to herself how bad it might have been if I had realized that her father had done that to her _on her birthday_.

…

* * *

…

We touched down at the end of the main street of a little town nestled in a peaceful little valley between three low mountains. It was a lush and grassy valley with an abundance of wild flowers outside the boundaries of the small… it wasn't really big enough to call it a town since there were only maybe two dozen or so buildings on the single street, so I'll go with village. Really it was all one giant meadow, a natural garden of the finest caliber. It was here that we got our first glimpse at where Lucy had grown up: the sprawling edifice known as Heartfilia Manor.

To call Heartfilia Manor a house would've been a strong contender for 'understatement of the century'. It was bigger than the Guild Hall, and considerably fancier. Heck, it was probably bigger than every other building in the valley combined! _Palace_ was a more appropriate word than manor. "Lucy you didn't tell us you were friggin' _royalty."_

Lucy blushed as pink as Natsu's hair as Natsu's head whipped around in surprise, "I-I'm not! Daddy just owns one of the biggest railroad companies in the kingdom…"

"So you're not royalty in the sense of nobody from your family's married a prince or princess yet," I drawled as we strolled down the street with the rest of the party in tow, "As far as wealth goes, yeah. I think you're probably _richer _than the royalty of some countries. Do you have the faintest clue how much it would cost to build a place like this?"

"It was a few billion jewel…" Lucy muttered. Natsu and I were the only ones that heard her and our sudden _stop _brought the whole party to a stop in the middle of the street. I shook it off quickly, "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"_Billions?" _Natsu squeaked. The rest of us started moving again, Natsu just stayed there frozen in shock until Erza threw him over her shoulder like a sack of flour and just kept walking like it was nothing unusual.

"I gotta say Lucy," Gray mused as he looked around, "I'm kinda diggin' your hometown. This is really nice."

"Agreed," Lyon declared, "It does have a very welcoming atmosphere."

A chorus of approval started ringing out from the rest of the party and I noticed Lucy's blush getting pinker and pinker until she was nearly the color of Erza's hair. Then the thought in her head solidified into words and, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ENTIRE VALLEY AND EVERYTHING IN IT IS JUST PART OF THE ESTATE?!"

Lucy flinched and then as the entire group stopped and gave stunned voice to their surprise, she glared at me, "QUIT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I'M THINKING!"

I raised my hands in apology, "Sorry, sorry, that one surprised me. Would you like to know what some of the others are thinking?"

I suddenly found a blade at my throat, "How about you keep quiet, keep walking and _keep out of my head?_" Erza asked me in a voice frostier than any of the ice wizards could've pulled off. There was no mercy in those eyes for anyone who refused. I immediately teleported the rest of the way down the street and started talking to the very startled little old lady sweeping off the front walk of what I now realized was a stupidly huge and well maintained garden.

The instant I told her we'd brought Lucy to see her father, carefully avoiding the topic of why, and pointed her towards the collection of wizards making their way down the street with Lucy out front, she immediately took off faster than I would've expected her to be able to, running to hug Lucy.

…

* * *

…

The rest of us were shown to a very sizable lounge to wait while Lucy was dragged off by her family's servants for a bath. It was clear from their smiles and Lucy's light protests that there was no need for us to intervene, so we waited patiently until Lucy came back almost an hour later looking considerably refreshed with fresh clothes on. I'd heard something with my telepathy about a dress which she'd managed to politely refuse, instead opting for a white top and dark blue skirt. She asked us to join her and her magic tutor, who'd been happily chatting with us while we waited and had an idea of just how strong we were, managed to warn the other servants off trying to dissuade us as we rose to follow her to her father's study.

The walk there only hammered home how big the place was, the hallways were all at least twelve feet high and over fifteen wide, the windows were huge, there was fancy trim everywhere…I was starting to think that Lucy had really meant a couple _dozen _billion jewel to build this place. Plush carpet over every bit of floor, not a speck of dust anywhere…just how rich was Lucy's dad?!

The so called 'study' was as tall as a gymnasium, had a huge window in the back that went all the way to the ceiling and bookshelves all the way to the ceiling with a balcony on either side for access to the higher shelves. The amount of wealth on display here was quite frankly absurd, and it was a clear testament to the power of the blonde man in the brown suit with the neatly trimmed mustache who I knew from her memories was Lucy's father Jude Heartfilia.

It took Jude Heartfilia exactly ninety eight seconds to make every last wizard present, myself included, completely and utterly _snap_. We had been trying to keep our tempers in check, we really had. It was only to give Lucy a chance to say what she needed without being interrupted, but still, we had been trying.

If he hadn't been so shocked by the way everything around him was suddenly exploding and being frozen in place while the remains reared up to grab him as about a hundred various sharp pointy weapons and dear god was that a _dragon_ made of _snow?_ all aimed themselves square at his face, he would most certainly have soiled his britches. As was, I'm pretty sure he still peed himself inside that ice block Ur had materialized around him as he belatedly realized that we did _not_ work for Phantom Lord and we did not give even a _fraction _of a shit about his money.

"YOU WANNA RUN THAT BY US AGAIN?!" We roared in unison as we went completely and utterly _snap_.

What did Jude Heartfilia say that made us all go completely and utterly _snap?_

He tried to say it was _Lucy's_ fault that he'd tried to eradicate Fairy Tail.

Jude Heartfilia's jaw worked mutely for a minute. He looked like a fish out of water. It might've been funny if I hadn't been wrestling so hard with the urge to blow his damn head off.

Lucy smiled thinly, "_Daddy,_ meet my guild and my guild's friends. Just so you know, Phantom Lord lost before they even got started, bringing me back here was Juvia's last job for Phantom before she joins Fairy Tail, and if you ever try to mess with us again, I'll be back to let you get _very_ acquainted with my raging pyromaniac teammates."

"Trust us…" I growled as I glowed like a lightbulb. "You don't want that," Natsu finished as flames danced in his palms.

Lucy nodded, "Case in point. I didn't come back here to make amends. I came to say my final goodbyes. I'm not 'Lucky Lucy Heartfilia' anymore, I'm Lucy of _Fairy Tail._ Keep your money and, Jerry was I right about the arranged marriage guess?"

"Yep," I growled as I cracked my knuckles and cranked the glowing up a few lumens.

"You can keep the arranged marriages too," Lucy continued. Her gaze dropped to the ground, "I don't _want_ money, or wealth or any of those things. Money can't buy you happiness. I've known that since I was a little girl. What I want," her gaze rose to meet his with as much steel as Erza's full armory, "all I _ever_ wanted from you, was to feel loved. At Fairy Tail, I feel loved, like I have a family. That's something I _never_ got from you. It didn't have to be this way," she said sadly, "We could've sat down and talked it out, but now I can't trust you." She shook her head and looked at him, "I truly believe that if Mom were still alive, she'd tell me to follow my heart and be true to myself. It was hard to leave this house, but only because I have so many fond memories of living here with Mom. So this is goodbye, Daddy…"

She turned and walked out. We all watched her go and then turned murderous glares on Jude Heartfilia. Ur strode forward and slapped the hell out of him. It was one hell of a slap too, sounded like a gunshot going off. "As a mother myself," Ur said quietly, "I can tell you that your wife would be absolutely _disgusted _with you, and if she had even a _fraction_ of Lucy's spine, she wouldn't have been your wife for much longer." Then she turned and strode out after Lucy.

Next it was our turn. Erza strode forward and leveled a sword at his throat with a death glare, "The only reason you are not drawing your final breaths right now for your attempt to destroy our home is because Lucy asked us not to hurt you. I doubt she will show such compassion a second time, and I most _certainly_ will not."

Erza sheathed her sword and dismissed her armory's worth of floating weapons before turning and striding out.

Gray was next. He kept his message short and sweet. He flipped Jude the bird and strode out.

Then was Natsu. He got right up in Jude's face, flames licking out the corner of his mouth. I couldn't hear quite what Natsu said, but when he stepped away, Jude was ghostly pale.

Juvia waved her hand with a scoff as she turned to leave, "Juvia has nothing to say to scum like Jude Heartfilia."

Lyon took a step forward as Juvia strode out, "Do not come to Lamia Scale for help. We do not want the business of someone like you." Lyon turned and strode out, his team falling in step behind him.

Then it was just me and Jude. I looked at the man who had caused my friend so much pain and stalked over to him, giving him my very coldest death glare. I leaned in, "I know millions of words, but I have none which can alone describe the vileness of a father who treats his loving child as a mere annoyance _on her birthday._" I straightened up, "You sir, are _scum_ of the absolute most _horrid _variety: the sort of sick _worthless __**cretin**_ that would hurt a little kid. Stay the hell out of Magnolia and away from my guild, or I will make you wish I had simply blown your goddamn head off right here and now. As is, I'm leaving you a little parting gift anyway." I stuck my finger between his eyes, "Lucy asked me not to kill you, but that doesn't mean I can't exact a little…" golden bars appeared all around us in the air and started rapidly turning blue, "_…__justice._"

I left him there, encased up to his neck in ice in the middle of his rather bombed out study, shuddering and pale as all the memories Lucy had of his neglect and emotional abuse slammed into him in concert, with all the pain and betrayal of trust and affection that went with them. I caught the handle of the door as I passed through it and paused to look over my shoulder, "Crappy days to you Mr. Heartfilia, now please feel free to catch pneumonia and die after a protracted and drawn out period of miserably regretting not giving your sweet wonderful daughter the love she deserved when you had the chance. Good luck cuddling your money, _I hope it gives you a paper cut!_"

I strode out and slammed the door behind me with my telekinesis. It might never be too late to forgive and make a friend, but there are some times when a person just isn't even close to being worth the effort. Then I paused as a very nasty little thought occurred to me when I was almost to the front door.

I backtracked via teleport and pushed the door open a little to poke my head in and give him a flat look, "If you happen to decide that you want to legitimately reconcile with Lucy, and I _will _check with my telepathy, then we will tolerate your presence long enough for you to make the attempt. If you are successful and she forgives you, then we will consider you extended family provided you start acting like an actual father. I'd hate for you to reconcile with her and then actually die that way, but if you're going to keep being a heartless scumbag, then by all means, go ahead. Door's open, it's up to you whether or not you take it."

_Then_ I teleported away.

…

* * *

…

After that we dropped the Lamia Scale wizards off at their guild in a city of canals that I decided I very much wanted to come back and check out in more depth some time, and flew on back to Fairy Tail. Ur came with us after promising to visit Lamia Scale just as often as Fairy Tail because Lyon clearly didn't want her to leave. If it weren't so sweet, I might've found some room for teasing or mockery in how very desperate Lyon seemed to make sure Ur would never leave again. However only a complete scumbag would laugh at an orphan's, no, _any child's_ reaction to miraculously getting their mother back. It doesn't matter how old they are, you don't laugh at someone's love for their mother.

We weren't able to kick the party off _right _away when we got back, although the whole guild immediately started rushing to decorate and prepare for what was going to be one of the biggest parties of the year. Fairy Tail as I later found out, had a _lot _of orphans. For one of those orphans to get one of their parents back? Blood or not, that was cause for the very grandest of celebrations.

First though, there was something very important to take care of.

Natsu, Lucy and Happy had almost totally forgotten what had brought us to Galuna in the first place. In wake of Ur's return and Phantom Lord's shenanigans, I think almost everyone else had as well.

Not Erza, and admittedly, not me either.

Before anyone could celebrate, there was a sound of gauntlet meeting skull, face meeting floor and flying cat being snatched out of the air. Erza's death glare landed on Lucy and she absolutely _growled_, "**MARCH.**_"_

_Then _they all remembered. All three of them went ghostly pale and Lucy turned and obediently marched in front of Erza over to Master Makarov while Erza dragged Natsu and Happy. I followed behind them along with Gray and Juvia in the silence that immediately fell in wake of Erza, well…_pulling an Erza._

Master immediately righted himself and sobered up from where he'd been reclining in his usual spot on the bar and put on his best serious face. To my surprise, he had a remarkably terrifying serious face even when he barely came up to my waist. A part of me wondered if he had given Erza lessons on it at some point, _because his was scarier_.

This wasn't our usual, cheerful and happily buzzed Gramps who sat on the bar all day. _This _was the Wizard Saint, the sleeping giant who had more than earned his right to be called MASTER of Fairy Tail. Erza's air of authority could make the whole guild clam up and start sweating. Master Makarov? Right then? SO much scarier… I was on edge just from being in close proximity to the targets of that look, and I noticed Gray was in his underwear, but Juvia was still hiding behind him anyway.

Natsu and Happy both looked liable to faint from sheer terror, and Lucy looked like she might start hyperventilating at any moment.

Master eyed them imperiously and said in a quiet but carrying voice, "Natsu. Happy. Lucy." I'm still not sure how he managed to do that, putting that much disappointment and accusation and cold simmering anger into just their names. The disappointment was the worst though. It wasn't even aimed at me and I could still barely repress a flinch. It was worse for them though, I could almost hear their hearts skip a beat before hammering like mad. Maybe it was the way their breathing went from near still in fear to ragged shuddering wheezes of terror…

Master let that hang in the air for what felt like a long time and then, "You have broken guild rules. Trespassing onto the second floor, where you had been reminded the very same day that you were not allowed to be, taking an S-Class quest without permission when you could very easily have asked Erza to take you on one... These are serious offenses alone, but Natsu and Happy…" That disappointment was there again and I can only imagine how much like a knife in the gut it must have felt for Natsu, "you who knew better, you lied to Lucy about the severity of your crimes and tricked her into being your accomplice on a mission which could very easily have put her life in extreme danger, and you chose the reward which you specifically knew would be most enticing and difficult for her to resist. Then when Gray came to retrieve you, you knocked him out and tied him up, as you were getting on a boat to sail through tumultuous waters, _directly _putting his life in danger."

Master's glare intensified, "Do you understand Natsu? Not only did you trick Lucy into a stupid and reckless stunt, you _directly put Gray in harm's way._ I know you two are rivals and that you fight all the time, but if you seriously care that little for your guildmate's wellbeing…" He let it hang in the air. Nobody could have come close to mistaking the weight of what Natsu had done.

"Trespassing and stealing an S-Class quest, I might could have overlooked to an extent because it turned out well in the end," Master said quietly, "But manipulating your comrades and placing them into danger is unacceptable. For that, your punishment will be quite severe indeed."

The whole guild seemed to hold its breath, Natsu and Happy were as white as sheets and Lucy looked like she might be sick at any moment.

Master took a deep breath and then sighed it out, "To begin with, none of you shall receive any pay for the Galuna Island job. That will go to Erza, Jerry, Gray and our newest member Juvia. The Celestial Gate Key which was part of the reward will go to Jerry as he can use it just as well as Lucy."

The golden key in my pocket suddenly felt like it weighed a million pounds even as I nodded. The collector in me had wanted it immediately, but at the same time…that wasn't quite how I wanted to get it.

"Secondly," Master continued, "Natsu and Happy, you two are as of now _on probation. One more boneheaded stunt out of EITHER of you over the next six months, and you're BOTH OUT. __**DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" **_Natsu and Happy's souls were circling around their ghostly pale forms as they weakly nodded.

"Lastly," Master declared, "As punishment for trespassing on the second floor and stealing an S-Class quest, I have a _very _fitting punishment for all three of you." They all three stiffened and Master turned his gaze to Erza, "Erza, would you be willing to help me make this punishment happen?"

"Of course Master," Erza replied curtly, "Name it and I shall make it happen."

Master jerked his head towards the stairs, "Go pick the nastiest sounding S-Class quest you feel like handling, and these three are going to accompany you… _for no reward. _If they want the rewards for being S-Class so badly, then I think of no more fitting punishment than withholding those rewards after they've gone through all the trouble."

Erza nodded, "Very well. I shall be back swiftly." She headed for the stairs and then paused, "May I bring more teammates with me? I would like to have someone a little more trustworthy at my back." _Ouch!_ That verbal jab wasn't even _aimed _at me and I still winced slightly_._ I could tell from the way Natsu flinched like she'd slapped him that her words had hit their mark _perfectly_.

Master nodded, "Of course. Same rules as normal apply for you and everyone else."

Erza nodded, "I see." Then she turned her gaze to me, "Jerry, would you mind accompanying me on this mission?"

Well hot damn if _that _didn't give me some warm fuzzies of pride along with the shock at being Erza's first pick! I stared for a full thirty seconds before snapping my dropped jaw shut with a grin and snapping a salute, "I'm in Erza."

Erza nodded with a smile, "Excellent. I'll be back momentarily."

Master nodded, "Good, good. Now then, just one more thing." **BAM!** Master smashed Natsu and Happy into the floor with a suddenly giant sized hand, "HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME WORRY SO MUCH YOU MORONS?!"

"Sorry Gramps…" Natsu and Happy mumbled miserably. Lucy bowed repeatedly and echoed the sentiment.

The guild was about to go back to normal, I could feel it in the air, then someone started clapping slowly. We turned and saw three figures silhouetted in the doorway. One was Ultear, who looked like she was walking around in something of a daze. One was a little girl with hair as pink as Natsu's that made me immediately wonder if she was related to him. The one clapping was in the middle. He was a tall old man with an eye patch and a long white beard. He looked like a nice guy, weathered and wise and probably a bit stern...kinda like what I imagined when I thought of Merlin. In other words, a _wizard's _**WIZARD.**

He also had a staff with the Fairy Tail emblem on top of it I noticed. Then he called, "Well handled boy. You've grown into the Guild Master I hoped you'd be. I'm glad to see you've been taking care of everything so well in my absence."

My head whipped around to look at Master Makarov and I saw that he looked just as stunned as Natsu had been terrified. Master Makarov's mouth worked mutely for a moment and then he breathed in shock, "_Master Precht?!_"

* * *

**NEXT TIME! On ****_Mad Little Slice of_****_Heaven..._**

_As the old man's name registered with me, my head snapped back around to stare before shooting a glance at Levy who looked just as floored as I did. Good, so I wasn't the only one who'd made that connection. I immediately teleported to the Archives and snatched up the thesis on Slayer Magic before teleporting back to hold it up in confusion, "Precht? As in the same Precht who wrote the paper that's saved my ass half a dozen times now?"_

_Precht, or I suppose __Master__ Precht blinked as he looked at it and recognition lit his face, "Is that my thesis on Slayer Magic?" _

* * *

_**AN: (Clears throat) For those of you who don't know, next week is Thanksgiving here in the US. It's a rather big holiday, so I'm putting out another special like I did for Halloween. It will be posted on Thanksgiving Day, November 28. Yes, I'm posting it on Thursday. **_

_**Chapter 16 "The Greatest Heights" will be coming out Friday December 6th. **_

_**For those who don't want to read my Thanksgiving Special, I understand and apologize if I have disappointed you. For those of you who do, I will go ahead and tell you what makes this special so special: Concealed within next week's special is at least one **__**MAJOR**__** spoiler. I will not tell anyone what the spoiler(s?) is/are or even how many there may be. The special is a completely self contained one-shot set in an alternate universe which will have no bearing on the rest of the story. I sincerely hope you all enjoy it, and if not, then Happy Thanksgiving anyway. For those of you that don't have Thanksgiving, have a pleasant chilly Thursday (unless you're in the southern hemisphere in which case it's just Thursday, but I hope you have a good one anyway).**_

_**See you all next week!**_

_**Ghost**_


	18. Thanksgiving Omake: Viking AU

_**AN:**__**Ok, before we begin, as always, Reviewer Replies! :D**_

_**Blaze2121: **__(chuckles) Oh you think THAT was 0 to 100? (laughs) Nah. That's 50 tops. Yes we hit AU territory the instant I introduced Juvia and Gajeel early, as for crackety-crackin' goodness? Mmm...no, we're not even close to the insanity a crack fic from me looks like. Yes that was one of the biggest shockers we'll have for a bit. I like throwing them in right at the ends of arcs as a lead-in for the next one. Next week's chapter is a little bit of an interlude chapter before we start on the next big arc._

**_Raidentensho:_**_Wow, you really wanna see those Saber kids don'tcha? As for original silver keys I currently have no such plans, but that doesn't mean that none will appear. The star-armor will show up in a sense. Not in the way you've discussed and it's not true Star Dress like what Lucy uses, but I think it's going to be pretty cool._

**_Prometo:_**_Yeah, I feel like the only reason Natsu was able to get off so lightly in canon was because the Phantom Lord War started immediately upon their return and Makarov had bigger problems right then. Given what a big deal was made of it before the complete WHAM! episode that was the return to the Guild Hall, I was expecting something more like what happened last chapter. Precht never saw himself as bad in canon until after his death, he thought he was trying to lead the world into a better tomorrow. Being legit off his rocker didn't help. I'm not answering any questions about him because it's way too spoilerific._

**_Reptil:_**_Yes, Precht the Second Master of Fairy Tail just came home for the first time in a few decades. Everyone is stunned. Isn't it exciting? :D_

* * *

**_Ok, now that we're through the replies, here's the promised Thanksgiving Special! This Special is a completely self encapsulated AU one-shot, however there is at least one MAJOR spoiler contained in it. What that/those may be, I'm not telling, but I encourage you all to try and guess. I'll post all guesses in next week's Reviewer Replies section because I'm really looking forward to hearing what everyone thinks is coming. _**

**_As another special treat, I am answering questions this week. I won't say anything too spoilery, but if you have any questions about what's happened thus far in the story, or any questions about Jerry, I will be quite pleased to answer (said answer will be by PM as well as posted in next week's Reviewer Replies), and if the answer is too spoilery, then I'll give hints. _**

**_Also, there's one more special surprise at the end of this one: A Preview of the upcoming arc which I guarantee NONE OF YOU saw coming._**

**_Now without further ado, my first Mad Little Slice of Heaven AU..._**

* * *

**_A Dragon Needs His Dragoness_**

* * *

I had not expected to wash up on the shores of a Viking tribe's island. It was a fairly decent sized island, although I had to wonder how that gigantic mountain sized tree in the middle was a thing. Giant Redwoods were twigs compared to that tree, but luckily most of the other vegetation on the island was just normal scrub and what have you. The wind wasn't up and the tree's canopy sheltered it from…absolutely nothing when the wind was up because even though it was wide enough to cover the whole island, it was just that dang tall! The buildings were pretty simple affairs: timber, wattle, daub, fairly low to the ground. The meeting hall had stone walls, which I learned as time went on to be a necessity to keep them from knocking it down by accident.

It was cold as hell, but thankfully the Vikings of the island took pity on me. Of course, that might've had something to do with me bashing heads with the best of them as soon as a brawl (which I later learned to be their favorite pastime and bonding activity) broke out, despite still being soaked to the bone with ice in my hair. What? Natsu almost brained me _and _the gorgeous girl helping me recover from my little subzero swim, with a _giant._

After throwing the small giant whose name I learned to be Elfman back, I had proceeded to dive right in and earn some respect. After that came a big meal where I got to know my new friends and I was pretty quickly accepted. I got to know everybody pretty well and come spring time I learned it was time to well, go i-viking (raiding)! Apparently raping was a bit of a no-no, which quietly struck me as a little bit odd until I learned that most of the women on the Fairy Isle Tenrou were originally _from _the countries the men tended to raid, and the few that weren't had mothers or grandmothers who were. Then it made sense. Nobody wanted an angry wife, girlfriend or female community in general waiting for them when they got home. The fact that the women here are every bit as fierce as the men probably had something to do with it too.

It also explained why everyone on Tenrou was fluent in at least three or four different languages, including English!

It was also worth noting that one of the strongest warriors on the Fairy Isle was a woman (freaking _gorgeous _woman at that), and Mirajane, the gorgeous girl who'd helped me recover, was apparently not only her equal in combat as well as looks, but she was also the leader, Jarl Makarov's, favorite cook and granddaughter in law. It had vaguely surprised me that she was married, but it _did _explain why the giant blonde guy, Laxus, kept shootin' me dirty looks prior to that first brawl. I might or might not have blacked his eye and chucked him across the room hard enough to shake the building in exchange for a half broken nose and some bruised ribs. We got along pretty well after that though.

I had wound up setting up shack on the outskirts of town and if I did say so myself, mine was one of the nicer houses. Having a knowledge of modern construction and chemistry helped of course, but it also led to me winding up being regarded as one of the smartest men on the island when people started asking me things and I kept having good answers. There had been some questioning about the possibility of me being a monk which had died a swift death under my flat stare. Crushing the rock I was holding to powder when asked about it might've had something to do with it too (heheheh suckers. It was _gypsum _I was powdering to make cement for my house!).

Anyway, flash forward to spring, and we're off to go a raiding! Specifically, we're on the northern coast of what I later identified to be a medieval England. Hence my current situation.

We were on a hill in jolly old England just at the edge of the wood line, overlooking a pretty stereotypical looking castle. It was a kind of peanut butter colored stone, decent sized walls probably twenty feet high around what I judged to be an approximately fifty foot high keep, and a moat. It was by no means a small castle, and judging by our scouting, the local area and especially the lord of the castle was filthy rich. Needless to say, it was a prime target for a good raid aside from being stupidly well defended. Only a very foolish to the point of lunacy Viking raid would even consider bothering it. Bummer for them, the Vikings of Fairy Isle Tenrou were one and all completely bonkers. That being said, it really said something that they were looking at me like _I _was the crazy one.

"You are seriously out of your mind," Gray informed me.

"Good thing too, cause if I wasn't, this'd probably never work," I replied with a grin before squaring myself up a little bit more on the tree we'd pulled back to make a catapult, "Just be ready when I drop the drawbridge."

"I'm all for storming the castle alone, that's about as manly as it gets," Elfman declared, "But this is too crazy even for Natsu!"

Laxus had no such compunctions, "Good luck. If you die going splat against that wall, we'll give a courtesy five seconds before we laugh at you." _SWTHUNK!_ Laxus's sword slammed through the rope holding the whippy little sapling back and I launched.

I was grinning like every bit the lunatic they'd accused me of being, but it was _so _worth it to stop my momentum by drop kicking that one guard right off the battlement. I didn't even need the makeshift, Batman-style hang glider I'd made my cloak into! I landed on my feet, my momentum sufficiently given away that I could actually do so, and grinned as I drew my twin long knives from where I kept them crossed in the small of my back below my shield, "Top o' the mornin' lads! _Die._"

It took them all of ten seconds to process what had just happened. By then I had already crossed the distance to the first of them and slit his carotid artery. The next one caught a blade through his throat as well and had the dubious honor of saving my hide from his friend's sword as a human shield right before my knife slipped through the back of that guy's shirt and into his lung as well. Aside from the crash of metal on stone as they fell, they all three went down with hardly a sound. Of course, that first guy had done a _perfect_ Wilhelm scream, so I was still a little confused as I looked around and blinked, _Only four guards? Was I that quiet?_

I grinned and strode onwards, _Oh well! Their loss, now how's this one work? _It took me about two minutes to deduce the drawbridge's operating mechanisms and where they were located.

Five minutes, three improvised grenades (Fairy Isle's sulfur rich hot springs! Gotta love 'em) and a whole lot of dead bodies later, the drawbridge fell. I took the stairs down from the guard house two at a time and drove my knives through the chest of another very surprised looking shmuck on my way down. Of course, there aren't many logical reactions other than surprise to have about a Viking literally jumping on you to flatten and stab you. I quickly withdrew and sheathed my knives, relieved the freshly dead guy of his longsword, and immediately went to work on the three guys that had been about twenty feet behind him.

Block, sword into throat, sidestep the overhead swing and stab through ribcage as he overextends, relinquish sword hilt to dodge thrust, and straight fingered strike in throat to crush windpipe. Long knife and stab with free hand while he realizes he can't breathe and knee in the gut for good measure. I drew my other knife almost absentmindedly as I surveyed the courtyard for any more signs of opposition.

Then Natsu was next to me, "DUDE! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Gildarts (our raiding chief and the strongest guy we had by a mile) patted me on the shoulder as he walked by, "You might just be good enough for Cana." Cana was Gildarts' drop dead gorgeous but severely alcoholic daughter who nobody was allowed to even look at too much unless they could best him in a fight (ie _nobody)_. Needless to say, that was about the highest praise that could be offered by anyone from the Fairy Isle.

Then Gildarts reminded us _why _nobody got to woo Cana as he nonchalantly punched what I confirmed on my way by to be a _six inch thick oak door to friggin' splinters_.

"Very much appreciate it, but I think I'll stick with the traditional method of kidnapping a cutie on a raid actually," I told him as we proceeded into the entrance hall, "If Cana's even a quarter as strong as you she might kill me in her sleep by accident!"

Gildarts laughed and told me that was a good answer.

We didn't even have to question anybody to find out where they were keeping the food thanks to Natsu's nose. Natsu led the team to get the food, Laxus and Gildarts went with Freed (our best translator aside from myself) and a few more of our number to get the lord of the castle to kindly cough up the whereabouts of the treasury, and Bickslow, Erza and I led the *ahem* _exploratory_ teams.

I was the one who hit the jackpot. I found the local lord's daughters. They _tried _to keep me out. Tried and failed, but of course, how were they to know that I was packing explosives? For that matter, they probably didn't even know what explosives _were_. As far as I knew, I was the first one to come up with them in this part of the world, let alone weaponize them. After the smoking remains of the door collapsed, I proceeded through, "Knock kno-o-ock! Room service!"

I found them both in a corner behind a very cute maid with pink hair and a right bitchy looking older woman with blue hair. I stroked my beard (a must in the cold weather of the Fairy Isle), "Okay, I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you two lovely young blonde ladies are the ladies of this castle?"

"DON'T YOU DARE ADDRESS THE LADIES OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!" the blue haired woman screeched.

I blinked and then looked at one of my team, "'Ey Scorpio, you want that one?"

"ALRIGHT!" Scorpio exclaimed delightedly before darting forward and scooping up the blue haired woman, tossing her protesting over his shoulder and shooting me a thumbs-up as she began to flail at him like a fish on a hook, "See you guys at the ship!"

He took off with a deranged cackle worthy of Bickslow and I turned back to the remaining three girls only to immediately have to catch a book thrown at me. I opened it and calmly folded the poor bent pages back straight before closing it gently. I held it up and pointed at it, "Well I'm sure this is a nice book, and yes I do like books, but I'm afraid we all know that's not what we're here for."

"Are you here to rape us?" The pink haired maid asked with an odd expression that wasn't quite the outright fear I'd expect from someone uttering that statement. She actually looked…almost excited, but that couldn't be right…right?

"Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure it doesn't count as rape if I take you home and marry you," I pointed out calmly before musing, "Granted, there might be some courts of law that would argue otherwise, but I'm pretty sure that those courts would already be screaming for my head given that I've killed at least a dozen guys today. _So._" I smiled warmly, "What are your names?"

"I am Virgo and you will _not _harm Mistresses Lucy and Dimaria!" the pink haired maid declared boldly as she stepped forward and spread her arms protectively, "Do what you will with me but you will not harm them!"

I pondered that for a moment and then smiled, "I assure you Virgo, I'm not going to harm either of them." I darted across the room and tossed her over my shoulder just as Scorpio had his new lady friend, "_You _on the other hand I might just have to take up on that 'do what I want with you' thing!"

"V-virgo!" The blonde with the longer hair exclaimed as she lunged forward, "You let her-_gah!_" She promptly found herself _catching _her pink haired maid, and before any of them knew what was happening, I'd tied up all three of them with the rope I carried under my shield. Although to her credit, the one with the shorter hair actually managed to sock me pretty good before I twisted her arm around her back and tied her hands. "I can't decide which of you is the cutest, so I'm taking all three of you home with me!" I declared with a grin, "Don't worry, we treat women very well. I wasn't kidding when I said none of you will be harmed. Well, ya might get bonked over the head if you make too much of a fuss."

"Are you really gonna keep all three of 'em?" Wakaba asked me.

"You're already married," I told him flatly, "But in all seriousness, it's not an issue if my future bride wants to have her sister and personal servant living with us is it? And if I wind up bedding all three of them, well," I grinned mischievously as two out of three wailed in distress, "I don't recall any rules saying I can't do that. _WILL YOU QUIT THAT HORRID YOWLING?!_"

…

* * *

…

We wound up hijacking a couple of wagons from the castle's stable to haul our loot with. When we loaded the ship, it was actually sitting low in the water. That took some doing, the _Tenrou Wind_ was _not _a small ship.

"Wow, you really _are_ a greedy bastard," Gray told me amiably as he observed my triple catch, all three of whom were now sitting in a row against a wall, two out of three with gags in and all three with their hands tied.

I shrugged from where I was sitting on top of a trunk load of their clothes (which would bring them a bit of comfort and me a bit of money if I sold some of them to the ladies of Tenrou), "It would be exceedingly cruel to separate the two sisters from each other, and Virgo, she's the one with the pink hair, actually seemed rather excited about the whole thing and has been very agreeable. Sooo, I figure if the blondes don't work out, I can marry Virgo and let the other two go to someone who needs one."

Then the shorter haired sister managed to work her gag loose and spat it out. "Speak plainly barbarian," she snapped at me, "What are you planning to do with us?"

I slid off the trunk and crouched in front of her, "I have a name. It is Jerry. You should use it." She gave me a look that would've curdled milk and I smiled at her thinly, "As for what I intend to _do _with you, I intend to give you a nice warm bed to sleep in, food which I will expect some help with cooking, a very nice house to live in which I will expect some help cleaning when it needs it, and a new life on the Fairy Isle Tenrou, where women and men are equals…something that I'm pretty sure jolly old England is _not _very up on if I recall rightly."

Three pairs of eyes went wide with surprise, "E-equals? What are you talking about?" she asked me, clearly flustered by the very notion. It also gave me an opportunity to see how ridiculously pretty her eyes were (they were a very warm amber color, not quite golden, not quite chocolatey but still _very_ easy to get lost in when they weren't glistening with steely disdain and fury).

"He _means_," Erza declared as she walked over, "That a woman may be just as much a warrior, head of house or whatever else she wants, and that anyone who says otherwise is an idiot whose foolishness is not tolerated on Tenrou."

All three of my potential wives gawked at her as they registered that Erza was a woman. Erza looked over at me, "Jerry, why have you still got them tied up?"

I pointed at the shore fading on the horizon, "Until we're too far for them to try anything absurd like swimming back, I don't want to risk them doing anything absurd, _like trying to swim back_."

"And the gags?"

"They wouldn't quit screaming and crying," I declared flatly before pointing at Virgo, "Please note! _Virgo_ has been very well behaved and as soon as I'm sure she won't try anything daffy, she'll be the first one I cut loose to do as she pleases. Come ooon! I even brought their clothes and possessions so that they wouldn't feel so out of place on Tenrou! Granted I plan to sell some of it, good profit and they won't need nearly this many clothes, but still! It's the thought that counts right?"

"Y-you lie!" the shorter haired blonde protested before Erza could answer, "You, you're a Viking! A barbarian! I might believe that bit about selling our clothes to your own women, but do you really expect me to believe you've no intention of raping us?!"

I pointed at Erza, "Have you met Erza Scarlet? She's one of our toughest warriors. While it's true I did dismantle your castle's entire garrison by myself, Erza's still a _much _more fearsome fighter than I am, and I'm pretty sure she'd hang mine or anyone else's balls from her mantle if she caught us raping. As you can imagine, being a woman herself, she doesn't take very kindly to that." Erza nodded with a proud little grin on her face at having her battle prowess praised and authority acknowledged.

"B-but…you said you were going to bed all three of us!"

"I said there was no rule saying I _couldn't_ if you all three _wanted_ to," I corrected, "If none of you want to, then that's fine! I'll be disappointed sure, but I'm not one to force myself onto anybody. Seriously, are you utterly _blind _to how damn cute you are? What man _wouldn't _want to bed you?"

She struggled with that for a moment and then, "So why did you capture us if you weren't taking us to be slaves?"

I sighed, "Again, I want a _wife._ Not a slave. A _wife._ I very specifically stated that right after I blew the door off its hinges and you threw a book at me!"

"That was actually Lucy," she told me with a pout as she looked away. DAMMIT SHE WAS SO CUTE!

"So that makes you Dimaria?" She froze and I knew I was right, "Well Dimaria, it's very nice to meet you. You as well Miss Lucy, and Virgo, you already know I've taken a shine to you."

"How do you know our names?" Dimaria asked warily with no small amount of dawning terror in her eyes.

I patted her on the head with a smile, "You must've been really out of it from the panic. Virgo introduced you all when I asked if you were the lady of the castle." She attempted to bite my hand and I snatched it away with a grin, "Oh my, it seems I've caught a little dragoness!"

Cue Natsu popping up as if summoned by magic, "Dragon?"

I sighed, Natsu was quite possibly the only person I'd ever met who liked dragons as much as I did, we even jokingly called him one because he was prone to using alcohol and torches to set things on fire, including his enemies. I frowned at him, "You can't have Dimaria. One dragon per household is _more _than a plenty."

"By that logic you can't have her either," Freed told me slyly as he walked over, "Or were you unaware that you're already gaining the nickname 'Black Dragon' for your taking that castle by yourself? We had begun to wonder if you were a wizard, but after seeing you singlehandedly storm a castle and lay waste to the entire garrison by yourself, dragon seems more appropriate."

I grinned and rocked back and forth on my toes a little, utterly glowing with smugness, "Higher praise cannot be given! Well except for what Gildarts said, but…ya know!" I shook the smug off, "Anyway, yeah Fried, if that's the case, then I have to take that previous statement back and amend it to 'a dragon needs a dragoness'…" I reached out and quickly curled Dimaria into my arms so I could set my chin on her shoulder as I leveled a pointed glare at Natsu daring him to argue, "but this one's mine, so you still can't have her!"

Dimaria went ramrod stiff and glared at me out the corner of her eye, "I, I am not!"

"_Yet,_" I replied with a grin.

…

* * *

…

A year and a half later I wrapped an arm around Dimaria's shoulder as she laid in bed and kissed her gently, "Love you."

Dimaria smiled at me cheekily as she held our newborn son, "Of course you do, a dragon needs his dragoness."

...

...

**END**

**...**

**...**

* * *

**COMING SOON**

_Erza shot me the cheekiest damn grin over her shoulder that I would never have guessed she was capable of, and a wicked grin of my own slid across my face, __**Oh game on Red, game on.**_

_**...**_

_ "__I've never fought an opponent like that," Erza mused, "Even most masked opponents don't go for a full mask, there's usually at least their mouth and eyes showing."_

_..._

_I rolled out of the way and narrowly dodged Gajeel's flying piledriver which left a lovely crater in the deck where my head had been._

_..._

_"__We're going to find a lost city of gold," Erza replied nonchalantly._

_I'm certain that I'm not the only one who did a double take, "Come again?"_

* * *

**_THE ROAD TO MATTACHU_**

* * *

_The man we'd thought we knew cracked his knuckles, "Hehehe...you ain't seen nothin' yet!"_

**_"FIRE IRON DRAGON SWORD HORN!"_**


	19. Ch16: The Greatest Heights

**AN:** _Ok, as always, Reviewer Replies! :D_

_**Prometo:**__ If Jerry were to be the one to find Gildarts, tell him about Cana and get him back to Fairy Tail via teleport to see her then Gildarts would approve of him as much or more than anybody else. That doesn't mean he wouldn't still be very over protective of his baby girl to try and make up for all the time he missed, although he would understand that she's a grown woman and would likely take a bit of a hands off approach. A bit like, "You're ok for now, but if you ever make my baby girl cry, there won't be a body left to find." Basically Jerry's got the go ahead to date Cana, but if she gets attached then he'd better be ready to reciprocate or Gildarts will freakin' OBLITERATE him._

_As of August 2nd Jerry is 19 years old._

_Yes Jerry and Dimaria may seem like a bit of an odd match, but they actually are an exceptionally good one. They have very similar senses of humor and Dimaria's upbeat enough to pull Jerry out of his occasional emotional slumps. She's also a badass and most of the time a combat pragmatist which are both major points in her favor with Jerry, and she's a thrill seeker who likes to just curl up and rest in between adventures...just like Jerry. She might be a little bit of a tsundere at first, but way more dere than tsun so Jerry's able to see right through it. Their relationship in the Viking story is about how their relationship would play out. She'd be a little reluctant and guarded at first, but she'd pretty quickly open up and the instant she did they'd be inseparable...not to mention going at it like rabbits. You can consider that a good candidate for the final pair, but there are several of those, and they'll each be getting a 'What if?' scenario like this at some point to keep things balanced._

_Jerry has exactly ZERO aptitude for traditional Slayer magic of any sort, demon, dragon or god. While he could be turned into a slayer through magical means, it would be an alteration to his natural state. As for Acnologia, he's currently in no state of mind to be offering magic lessons to anybody, let alone doing the complex magic gifting enchantment that would turn Jerry into an Acnologia-Slayer, so while it's a very fun idea, I'm afraid Acnologia teaching Jerry how to be a Dragon Slayer is a complete no go. Also, I'd about bet that Acnologia doesn't even know how to make another slayer. It's not impossible for Jerry to become some sort of Slayer, but the odds are unbelievably slim._

_There will be no Erza+Natsu romance. That is a strictly sibling relationship. This one I can guarantee._

**_Raidentensho: _**_Zoldeo? Honestly I didn't even think about him for this omake. Aquarius was only there because Virgo was, and Scorpio was only there because Aquarius was. Jerry will be wary, especially if he finds a cask of gold coins with skulls on them (which really ought to be enough to warn anybody off it) but no more so than normal. He has actually not seen "The Road to El Dorado" although I have, so be on the lookout for a cameo!_

**_Reptil:_**_ The next special like the Viking AU is the Valentine's Day Special. It'll be a little more down to earth because it's going to be showing what would've happened to Jerry if he HADN'T been yanked to a different dimension, and because it's Valentine's Day, yeah, go ahead and expect some serious romance. :_)

_**The watcher earth C-137: **__Mmmhmmhrphmmm(snuffle)(snort)(various noncommittal noises) Glad you enjoyed! :D_

_And now, on with the show!_

* * *

**_Chapter 16 - The Greatest Heights_**

…

…

As the old man's name registered with me, my head snapped back around to stare before shooting a glance at Levy who looked just as floored as I did. Good, so I wasn't the only one who'd made that connection. I immediately teleported to the Archives and snatched up the thesis on Slayer Magic before teleporting back to hold it up in confusion, "Precht? As in the same Precht who wrote the paper that's saved my ass half a dozen times now?"

Precht, or I suppose _Master _Precht blinked as he looked at it and recognition lit his face, "Is that my thesis on Slayer Magic?"

My jaw dropped and I immediately bowed, "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

Master Makarov looked at me in confusion, "What?"

I looked at him and pointed at the paper, "The magic I learned from this is the only reason, and I do mean the _only_ reason I can use like half the magic I have. Most of the stuff I pull? I wouldn't be able to without what I learned from this."

I don't know when Master Precht moved, but suddenly I felt a hand land on my head. I started and turned my head to look, crap was he really that much taller than me? That one eye of his felt like it was peering into my very soul…

Then Master Precht _hmmm_ed, "How very curious. Your capacity and natural aptitude for magic are very impressive, but your natural ethernano absorption rate is so meager that it is almost nonexistent." He removed his hand and crossed his arms to look at me thoughtfully as he declared, "By my estimate, your current power level is less than one percent of your potential strength."

I…kinda felt like the world had suddenly stopped. _Less than one percent? I THOUGHT I WAS AT NEARLY FULL CAPACITY!_ My eyes went wide as all the air went out of me in a single breath, "What?"

I wasn't the only one shocked. Master Makarov spluttered, "_ONE PERCENT?! He took out an entire dark guild in one shot!"_

Master Precht looked at Master Makarov as though that were completely obvious, "Well yes I _did _say 'impressive' didn't I? You _do _remember how difficult my praise is to earn right?"

I think I heard more than a few people's brains break as they wondered what his standards were like…mine was one of them.

Then Master Precht looked at me again, "Have you tried to legitimately _consume_ an element? If you have mastered the basic principles outlined in my thesis, then I suspect you have learned enough to figure out an elemental affinity."

"Light," I said quietly, "No I haven't tried to eat it the way Natsu does, but I can alter my natural ethernano intake so that I absorb light and automatically convert it to power."

Master Precht took a moment to contemplate that and then nodded, "Very good, that automatic conversion is the first step towards a Slayer's elemental consumption ability. Now the next step, try to take in as much of your element as you can. To get a proper handle on just how much you can take, I recommend that you keep going even after you feel like you've had enough. Don't worry, I will stop you once you are approaching a dangerous overload."

I nodded, still kind of in a daze of shock and surprise. I tilted back my head and opened my mouth as I'd seen Natsu do, and then…I _ATE._ It was more like a giant inhalation than a bite. Between the exclamations of surprise and the sudden total darkness, I knew I was doing something right, probably something akin to Blackout Mode. Then I kept going. It became a strain to keep going after a moment, like trying to suck in a massive breath. For perspective, try exhaling as hard as you can with your mouth wide open. See how long you can keep it up. It was kind of like that. The strain kinda cancelled out the Blackout Mode-esque rush.

Then as I paused to regroup, and the darkness disappeared as light flooded back in, I realized I was thinking about it wrong. I was supposed to _eat it._ So, I did. I closed my eyes, mentally grabbed all the light in the guild, and imagined cramming it into my mouth. I felt something like a mouthful and then I swallowed it. The instant I did, I felt _power._ It was beyond what I felt with Blackout Mode and I could only stare into space in wonder at the incredible energy and strength I was feeling. Then Master Precht tapped me on the shoulder, "Keep going boy. You're only at five percent."

I gaped at him and then nodded a little numbly. I raised my hands to better envision grasping the light around me. This time, I didn't just reach for all the light in the building. I went for the whole town. It was like slurping down very long noodles… tasty noodles of pure energy for sure, but still, noodles. I'm not sure how much of it I got before Master Precht tapped me on the shoulder to signal that I needed to stop, but later reports claim it wasn't anywhere near the whole town, just everything within about half a mile of the Guild Hall.

I stopped when Master Precht tapped me on the shoulder and the light flooded back in. I'm…honestly not sure what was said or happening. You've heard of sensory overload? That's what I was experiencing. I don't know how drugs feel, but I had gotten a steroid shot once that had me wired and more pumped than I could ever remember being to kick a cold once. I'd gone from a bit droopy to having enough energy to feel like I could fight two or three people at once and do so evenly for several rounds. Now that I thought about it, that was kind of what Blackout Mode felt like. That…that was **_NOTHING_** compared to this.

If how I felt usually was one percent, then Blackout Mode must've been two or three. This? There was no doubt. THIS was one hundred percent. Fifty times better and more alive than the best I'd ever felt. I stood there, stock still for a moment, reveling in the wonder of how very much just…raw _life_ I could feel reverberating through my very soul. Then, I made the only sound such happiness could. I started laughing. "THIS! FEELS! AMAZING! PAHAHAHA! I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE! IS THIS HOW NATSU FEELS ALL THE TIME?! NO WONDER HE'S CRAZY! PYAHAHAHAHA! WHOO!"

I teleported straight up as high as I could. I don't know why. I teleported back a second later, a tad puffy with some ice formed on the bandages around my head, "Space is cold. Don't go to space. View's great but it's really, really cold. I am so freaking pumped right now and I feel like I'm talking really fast, but I can't slow down because I'm also thinking really fast and is this normal? Am I babbling? How is _everyone_ not acting crazy all the time if you all feel like oh wait a minute never mind I forgot where I am for a second, this is the madhouse known as Fairy Tail and now I totally get why it's so crazy. This must be how you guys feel all the time, so no wonder you're all batshit crazy. Don't worry I love you all anyway because this place is fun and I really like it here and I am probably making a total fool of myself right now but I don't even care because I feel **_FREAKING AMAZING!_**"

I was nodding really fast and grinning and even if I couldn't remember the looks I was getting, I'd still be completely certain I looked positively _unhinged_. Then my gaze landed on Cana, "RIGHT! GOTTA GO FIND GILDARTS! BACK SOON!" ***_POOF!_**_*_

…

* * *

…

I wandered back into the guild…I'm not sure how much later it was. I thought it had been a few days. I felt like I had done enough for a few days…but everything was a bit of a blur and I couldn't remember whether or not I'd actually _slept _during that time so…

I raised a hand in greeting as I strolled through the door with the same smile that hadn't left my face since I'd hit one hundred percent, "Hi everybody! I'm back!"

I was immediately rushed by a massive figure with red hair and a black cloak who I belatedly realized was Gildarts. Gildarts had me by the shoulders and was frantically looking me over, demanding to know if I was alright.

I teleported out of his grip and back about a foot, raising an eyebrow, "Yeah. It was just a dragon. Natsu and Gray put up a better fight than that lousy sack of scales did."

Gildarts stared at me incredulously, "Seriously?" Then he blinked, frowned and then he smiled, "You really had me going there for a second! You must've teleported away the instant after you sent me back here right? There's no way you stuck around to fight that thing."

I frowned at him and replied very flatly, "No, actually I bitch-slapped it with its own breath attack, ripped out its right eye, a kidney and probably about half its liver, maybe some intestines, and then I proceeded to beat its ass like a piñata until it wised up and ran away. I then spent several hours trying to figure out how to cook dragon before the meat went bad, and then I looked around and realized I had already eaten it. Then I felt kinda stupid and came on home."

Gildarts stared at me and then started laughing. I briefly considered being annoyed, then I settled for quirking a smile at him, "What's _funny_ is that you don't believe me." I looked around him at the rest of the guild, most of whom were staring at me, "Hey guys, have Erza and Natsu and Lucy left yet? I didn't want to miss that."

"No, we were waiting for you to get back," Erza replied from behind me. A part of me made a note to not linger in the damn door anymore. This had to have been the third or fourth time somebody who I really REALLY should have been able to sense coming had snuck up on me because I was standing in the door. Then I turned around to greet her and…

My heart. **STOPPED.**

I stared for what must have been almost a full ten seconds and then my brain numbly started working again, albeit very slowly as I looked her up and down, trying to figure out what was different. Hair, eyes, face, armor, body…everything was the same, but at the same time…it was SO not.

I'd heard the myths about people burning away to nothing if they looked upon the true forms of angels and gods. Now I felt I might be getting an understanding of how that must feel. Don't get me wrong, I had known Erza was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen. Now though? I felt like my eyes were burning from how…hot doesn't do it justice, it was like looking at the sun except it didn't hurt…radiant? How utterly _radiant_ she was.

She was saying something, she looked concerned…was I staring? Ah crap I was staring… I immediately averted my eyes and I could tell from the way my face was burning that I was blushing up a storm. _Mystogan might've been on to something there…_ "I'm fine, um, sorry, you just look, eh, really nice today." I'm sure I was sweating as I glanced at her, _Don't make it awkward-don't make it awkward-don't make it awkward…_

Then Erza blinked, blushed slightly and smiled a little and why was I on the floor looking at the ceili-GOD DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN!

I groaned and raised my good hand to my face, "And I had _just_ gotten past fainting over Mira's…"

…

* * *

…

It turned out I had actually only been gone for a little over an hour. Master Precht was still there, and _that _was absolutely wonderful because after helping me hit my full power, he'd gotten into a big teaching mood, and unsurprisingly, he was an EXTREMELY good teacher. After he realized there wasn't enough space in the Guild Hall for the amount of magic instruction he intended to do, he led everyone outside to the shore of the immense lake that bordered Magnolia and…

"EARTH MAKE! _ARENA!_" Master Precht thundered as an amount of magic comparable to a hurricane roared around him. As the entire guild gawked in awe, all fell silent for a split second… then the lake _erupted_. In a spray of water that made rain fall from the clear sky across the entire city, what looked an awful lot like a jumbo sized version of the Roman Coliseum appeared on massive earthen stilts exploded into existence. Even Master Makarov could only gape at the sheer _power _the Second Master had displayed.

Master Precht for his part only took a deep breath and let it back out slowly as a large bridge rose from beneath the surface of the lake to give us a route across. "I will dispel the arena when I leave, but it should make a fine training ground, and it will hopefully prevent any unnecessary damage to the Guild Hall." He turned to us with a broad smile, "Shall we?"

His words ignited a stampede across the bridge to check out the insane feat of magic our Second Master had whipped out with seemingly as much effort as putting on his socks. I took it a little slower, I had no desire to be trampled. This afforded me a view of a truly rare sight: Ur absolutely fangirling over Master Precht's skill with Make Magic and Ultear's expression torn between embarrassment at her mother's antics and pride at her surrogate-father's strength. The little girl Ultear had introduced as her daughter Meredy looked very confused, but was completely blasé about the whole 'pulling a village sized arena out of thin air' thing. As I noticed Ultear and Meredy's reactions, I felt my jaw go a bit slack as I realized they were _desensitized to such grand scale magic._ I couldn't help but wonder, _Just how ridiculously powerful IS Master Precht?_

Then a hand tapped me on the shoulder and I looked, my eyes nearly popping straight out of my head as I saw _another _Master Precht right next to me. I glanced back at the one talking to Ur, back at the one next to me, back, back, back and forth a few more times, "_You can clone yourself?!"_

Master Precht grinned, "Just a little thought projection. I use a stronger version of your Archive magic called rather aptly 'Super Archive' which lets me keep track of dozens of conversations at once. This is the best way to tutor multiple students simultaneously. Come now, let's hurry. I'm only here for today."

I blinked and then it clicked that he was offering me one-on-one magic tutoring. A broad smile spread across my face and I stepped aside, "After you Master!"

…

* * *

…

The arena was just as grand inside as one would expect. It was clearly not made for entertainment because in the place of bleachers were tiered platforms which were being rapidly filled by dozens of clones of Master Precht and every wizard from Fairy Tail present. Master Precht led me to one of the top tier arenas after quizzing me on the walk across the bridge about my preferred magic, background and tactics.

He stood across from me and calmly explained that he had a very simple method to make me stronger. "Given your background, I'm sure you understand the value of sparring for experimentation and training. So, as you already have a fair grasp of combat, we shall focus on your application of magic. Come at me with everything you have and when we are finished, I will tell you of my observations."

I heard an explosion to my left and glanced over to see that many of the other platforms in the top tier were already home to tremendous battles. The explosion was Natsu (imagine that). I looked back to Master Precht and nodded, "Right." I activated Blackout Mode across my whole body except for my eyes, "Due to what I now know to be my reduced intake rate, I tend to activate this before I do anything too big."

Master Precht nodded, "A wise precaution, although keep in mind you now have literally a hundred times your usual reserves."

I grinned beneath my shroud of darkness, "Yep, I'm looking forward to testing them! Thank you so much for pointing that out by the way, I've never felt so alive."

Master Precht nodded, "My pleasure, now come, we're burning daylight."

As soon as he finished saying that, my fist snapped forward with a tremendous amount of pure telekinetic force. I could tell from the way the wall behind Master Precht shook that it had been outrageously powerful, but it barely scooted Master Precht back an foot. I took a split second to gawk, a burst of pressure strong enough to rattle a ten foot thick stone wall over two dozen meters away and he didn't even look ruffled?!

Master Precht nodded as he stroked his beard, "A good effort. Against masses of weaker opponents it will be a fine way to get yourself some breathing room. From what I was able to surmise of the Eisenwald Incident, I suppose that was how you defeated their whole guild singlehandedly?"

My eyes somehow went wider, "A-actually I used a light based explosion. It had the added effects of a standard explosion, which when detonated from a blind spot allowed Gray to bind them all in ice right after they landed. It was a full body version of this spell," I raised a finger gun and ignited a Bomb Shot, finding myself stunned again as my usual baseball sized spell manifested at the size of a small car. I set one hand on my firing arm and growled slightly as I forced it back down to the size it was supposed to be. At that size it would be enough to destroy a city block in a single hit! As I finally got it back down to size, "Alright, here it comes!"

It traversed the distance to Master Precht the instant I released it and the ensuing explosion nearly blew me off the platform. If I hadn't crashed into something, I would've gone over the edge. As the spots faded from my eyes and my ears quit ringing, I realized Master Precht had caught me with magic chains, was completely unfazed by the utterly insane Natsu-plus grade explosion (that might've even been a _double _Natsu…) and was looking at me with a pleased expression as he declared, "A very impressive display of Bullet Magic! I suppose you've never tried for a higher caliber shot, but you're in luck. Bullet Magic was actually the first magic I learned myself, so I'm rather knowledgeable about it."

If my grin had grown any wider I think my head might have split in half and I made every effort to catch every single thing he said as he explained the functions and mechanics of bullet magic as well as its synergy with light magic, such as how the energy was "very compactable, the fastest available and goes BANG very nicely." Yes, he said it exactly like that.

At this point though, I had to ask, "Um Master? How exactly were you able to shrug those attacks off? I've been noticing a lot people are stronger or more durable than they physically should be, but you weren't even fluffed by that explosion, and you seem like you know a lot about how things work, so could you please explain it to me?"

Master Precht looked surprised at the question and stroked his beard as he thoughtfully cast his gaze skyward, "Hmm…You're from Edolas correct?"

I shook my head, "Actually by mine and Mystogan's reckoning I'm from the dimension on the other side of Edolas where magic doesn't exist at all."

Master Precht nodded, "I see. Has anyone warned you about the effects of Magic Deficiency Syndrome? Or I suppose, should I ask has anyone informed you of the benefits of ethernano?"

I shook my head, "Master Makarov warned me about the dangers of Magic Deficiency Syndrome when he was telling me not to overdo it, but that's all I've heard."

Master Precht nodded, "I see. Very well, I shall explain. Put simply, ethernano strengthens the existence of whatever it is infused into. For example, if you poured magic into a sword, the sword would become far more durable and able to cut much better. If you pour magic into fire, then it will burn hotter and can even take on other secondary effects depending upon what kind of magic is infused into it. So when a person allows ethernano to suffuse their body, they become stronger, faster, more durable and more resistant to sickness."

"It is because of this that it is crippling for ethernano levels to drop," he continued, "Since the body is used to raised levels of ethernano, it doesn't build as much resistance to naturally occurring degradation. For example, dental decay and vision loss, these two problems very rarely affect wizards and even then often not substantially. However, if a wizard of advanced age were to suddenly go into Magic Deficiency Syndrome, then their sight would degrade quickly and their teeth would begin to lose their strength. It wouldn't be particularly fast, but when combined with the feeling of weakness and overall weakening of the body's infrastructure, a person with Magic Deficiency Syndrome will often die quickly due to the drastically increased toll on the body simply to stay alive, which many simply cannot cope with."

"However," he added, "The reverse is also true. Those with greater magic levels can weather the effects of time much longer and much better. I for example am currently one hundred and eighteen years old, but I am just as physically able as I was when I sixty due to how much ethernano my body is able to contain, and as you pointed out, I am far more physically formidable than most. Most of all though, this is just a Thought Projection which has a merely semi-tangible form at most, so you can go all out without having to worry about hurting me." He gave me a second to let that sink in and feel like a dummy before continuing with a grin, "Now then, we should continue with the lesson. What all types of magic can you use?"

I took a moment to compile the list in my head and then started going through every use of magic I could remember in as much detail as I could think of, well, except for what I did with Mira. I kinda glossed over that, but once it came up, he only took a few minutes to determine the true nature of my primary caster magic once I started describing what it could do for him, and to my surprise, it was _not_ Light. At least it wasn't _generic _Light.

"Your magic is known as Desire," Master Precht declared with a look of surprised respect in his eyes, "It is an obscure branch of light magic, and an exceedingly dangerous one at that. I know of only one other user of this magic, and he lives across the ocean to the west. As you can imagine, as with many magics, its rarity is directly correlated to its inherent formidability. Desire deals with the needs of the target, specifically food, rest, safety and to reproduce. There may be more, but to be honest, that other user quite grated upon my nerves so I didn't question him much more than I had to in order to satisfy my curiosity."

I nodded, "Quite understandable. So, my magic can induce sleepiness, hunger and panic as well as erm…pleasure?"

Master Precht nodded, "Yes. I imagine it would also work the other way, allowing you to remove those things so as to allow you or your allies to shrug off hunger, weariness and panic. As you are no stranger to combat, I'm sure you can understand just how much of a boon that is."

A lightbulb went on in my head, "That also explains why Mira and I didn't get hungry or tired when we were…eh…hehe…" Master Precht blinked and then laughed lightly at my blush as he figured out what I meant, "Oho! Well that may be as good an indication as any of how long you are able to keep your magic running. If I understand you correctly, you did that while you were at only one percent of your power correct? How long were you able to go?"

"Five days, pretty constant, erm, _activity,_ with eight intervals of rock solid sleep that lasted an average of two hours. Some a lot more, some a lot less. I didn't use my magic constantly, just for that last little extra push to help drive her wild…on occasion I'd give a steady little trickle if I wasn't quite feeling confident on a particular…ah…ya know. We ate twice a day on average, not much because we, erm, got distracted. If the power increase is directly correlated to my stamina then…" I did the math in my head, "…yowza. Two thousand two hundred and forty hours straight."

Master Precht nodded, "Yes that sounds about right for the amount of power I measured at your full capacity. However, I must warn you not to over do it with this magic. It can induce a lethal overload with any of the four needs. You are familiar I'm sure with what happens when the human body gets too excited or panicked."

A small wave of horror broke over me, "You mean I could've given Mira an _actual heart attack?_"

Master Precht nodded gravely, "Not a small one either if you really cut loose with this magic. It sounds like you were pacing yourself well, only using little flashes of your magic or mere trickles of it if you used it for prolonged periods, but yes. If you blasted someone with any of the four needs at even a halfway decent percentage of your full power, you could render them completely incapacitated or dead. That other user I met in the west claimed to be able to lay waste to entire battlefields in minutes without breaking a sweat simply by cutting loose a fraction of his power with one of the needs, and his reputation more than adequately backed up that claim."

"The way I understood it," he continued, "Hunger causes people to go mad with starvation, forcing them to see even their closest allies as food. Safety can induce sheer all-consuming panic, which can turn even the most disciplined armies into a catastrophic rout due to sheer terror. He regarded Pleasure and Rest both as near instant kill techniques, Pleasure more so than Rest as Rest will simply induce a coma from which a person _can_ be revived through magical means, albeit not easily and often not before dying from dehydration. Pleasure on the other hand leads to, as you guessed, a heart attack at best, but the way he described it, it tore the very souls from the victims' bodies and allowed them to move on straight to the afterlife. That may have been just the colorful language he was annoyingly prone to, but there was no mistaking the lethality of that magic."

He stroked his beard for a moment in thought before continuing, "He did mention that when unleashed indiscriminately, as he was wont to do, that Pleasure would only affect those who had sought out such pleasure before. For those of exceptionally pure heart and mind, it was useless unless he specifically targeted them with his magic. To the best of my understanding he did so by manifesting tentacles of light to bind and force his magic upon them from a safe distance. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing," I grumbled as I tried to recover my composure from what had to have been an _epic_ face fault, "Just ah, flashbacks to some very eh… bizarre and somewhat unsavory literature I stumbled across a while back. This other user grated on your nerves right?" Master Precht nodded and I grinned ruefully, "Good, then I trust you won't mind if I kill him dead as a doornail if I ever run into him?"

Master Precht seemed to size me up, "He is regarded as one of the five strongest wizards on that continent. The three considered to be superior to him are renowned as three of the mightiest wizards in the world, _period._ I was actually there to meet with one of them, the one known as the Wizard King who supposedly knows every type of magic that has ever existed. Unfortunately, before he could return from his errand and meet with me, I figured out that everyone in that land was completely and utterly insane, even by Fairy Tail standards, and so I had to flee in fear for what remains of my own sanity. Given that that nuisance's power rivaled if not surpassed my own, I'm not sure you could take him."

I gave him a thin, vicious grin, "Why Master Precht, you of all people should know better than anyone: _Never_ underestimate the righteous fury of a Fairy Tail wizard. If that raping, tentacle happy piece of shit even _thinks _about laying so much as a _single slimy appendage_ on one of my friends, _I will tear him into little tiny shreds, set the shreds on fire and then stomp a mud wallow in the ashes._"

Master Precht pondered that for a moment and then grinned, "If you ever do, then be sure to get a picture of the look on his face when he realizes how very doomed he is. I'm sure it'll warm my heart and be good for a laugh for years to come. But we digress, I have a theory that perhaps the hunger aspect of your magic is what allows you to devour magic as a Slayer does since you do not appear to have an inherent aptitude for Slayer magic."

I thought about it for a moment and then nodded, "Yeah, that makes sense. Also, an addendum to that, I don't think I'm limited to just light."

"What makes you think that?"

I ripped up a clod of dirt with my telekinesis and bit into it on instinct. To my surprise, it suddenly glowed and then disappeared down my gullet. It tasted like dirt, but it also gave me an instant kick the same way Blackout Mode did.

Master Precht actually stared in shock for a moment, and then we spent the rest of the day proceeding to test out my ability to devour what we discovered to be pretty much _anything_, including the seemingly unlimited forms of magic that Master Precht actually _knew, _as well as find out what all I could do with it once I had.

…

* * *

…

That night the party erupted just as expected, and we all got completely and utterly _wasted._ Even me, and I normally don't drink. However, this event encouraged me to start doing it more as I somehow woke up with not one, not two, but _three _gorgeous women draped over me. Granted we were all still dressed, but still! Even more amazingly? None of them minded! Mira just gave me an amused smirk when she woke up straddling me. Cana also didn't mind, she just stretched, leaned over from where she had been passed out on my shoulder to give me a kiss on the cheek… and went to find more booze. Yeah…she might have a problem.

The one that _really_ surprised me though was Erza, who was conked out on my other shoulder. She just blushed, apologized and then blushed some more when I told her I didn't mind at all. Then she went to get some pancakes.

Then Mira got up to begin fixing said pancakes after giving me a good morning kiss of her usual mind melting variety and I sat up to observe the state of disarray the Guild Hall was in.

I wondered how Juvia was going to take the fact that she had somehow wound up in the middle of Team Shadowgear plus Gray and his family. Gray and his family were of course, all in their underwear, which immediately drew my attention because good _god_ was Ultear beautiful…and clearly a good mommy too if the way she and her pink haired daughter were clinging to each other was any indication. _Yeah,_ I mused, _she's officially in the same category as Erza and Mira now_. I wiped my nose just in case it _did_ somehow start bleeding and turned my attention elsewhere.

Master Makarov, Master Precht and Gildarts were all at the bar, all passed slam out, although given Master Makarov's usual capacity to bounce back to sober and serious in an instant no matter how drunk he was, I had a feeling that could change at the drop of a hat.

I felt my face twitch into a grin as I noticed Natsu and Lucy curled around each other in a corner with Happy in the middle. _OHO! So THAT's why they took off for a tropical island without me is it? Shitty dumbass Natsu, you should've just said so! So THAT'S the kind of 'S'-class reward you were hoping for was it?_ I was barely able to hold in my malevolent cackle as I realized what Natsu had _really_ been after. I turned my attention away with a smirk still playing about my lips, _Well, I'll not stop you Natsu. Even if she is an amazing catch who's probably entirely too good for a moron like you. After all, _my gaze landed on Mira, Erza and Cana grouped up in the center of the bar as Mira started cooking, _I've got quite a set of wonderful little fishies myself!_

A smile warmed my face and I continued looking around. Then it slid off and cracked into an expression of complete and utter confusion, _Okay, that gives "Max with the broom" a WHOLE new and highly unwelcome connotation._ I immediately averted my gaze from the somehow impaled Sand Mage, vaguely wondering just who exactly did that to the poor guy.

Then a pun hit me about…a lot of years and a paragraph late. _Fishies, fish in the sea, fishing,_ _IS THAT WHAT MOST GUYS MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THEY LOVE FISHING?!_ Given the connotations I'd heard attached to…pretty much EVERYTHING else…a moment of consideration later I decided that it probably wasn't and my brain was still just groggy and weird from getting wasted, but just in case…

I teleported over to the bar immediately and jerked a thumb at Cana, "I'll have what she's having."

Mira, Erza and Cana looked at me in surprise. Mira raised an eyebrow, "I thought you weren't a big drinker?"

_Thank god for convenient excuses,_ I changed the angle of my thumb, "Check out Max." They did. They turned back around pale, and while Cana started _chugging_, Mira poured four more of what Cana was drinking. What was Cana drinking you ask? I found out when the taste hit me: _Fire Water._ I could feel my eyes start burning when it hit.

I drained the mug in one go anyway.

Afterwards I shook my head and blinked vigorously, "What's the proof on that?" "168," Mira replied offhandedly. "Not enough," Cana replied. Erza just sat there quietly.

For about sixty seconds there was complete and utter silence. Then almost in slow motion I saw the looks of horror dawn on Mira and Cana's faces as they whipped around to look at Erza, who by that point was already long gone.

The world returned to normal speed and volume when Erza suddenly roared, "_HOW DARE YOU ASSAULT MY EYES WITH THE SIGHT OF A BROOM SHOVED UP YOUR ASS FIRST THING IN THE MORNING?!_" **BOOM!** I didn't _see_ or _hear _her armored boot connect to Max so much as I felt the shockwave coming off the impact. When I glanced over my shoulder there was a broom spinning midair next to where Max had been, and where a particularly irate Erza's foot was still extended from having punted him clear out the door.

Erza reached out to catch the broom smartly, and then even more smartly retracted her hand with a look of disgust before she touched it and let it clatter to the ground. "How did we completely forget why Erza's not allowed to drink?" Cana mumbled.

Mira winced and nodded, "Jerry, since you're going on this quest with her, you've _got _to make sure that whatever happens, _you do not let her drink. _It doesn't matter if it's just a sip of watered down wine or if she puts down a whole barrel of Everclear, she gets just as wasted, just as quick, and it _always _results in an unstoppable rampage until she's dealt with whatever set her off. She completely loses all self-restraint and destroys anything that gets in her way even more brutally than she normally would. It's like Natsu except _so _much worse. Then she sobers up just as quick and can hardly remember what happened. Case in point…" She nodded towards Erza.

Erza had one hand on her hip and the other on her forehead with a confused and slightly consternated expression, "Why do I get the feeling I just kicked the crap out of somebody?"

I nodded, "Duly noted. No drinky-drinky for Erza."

…

* * *

…

Later that morning after Master Precht, Ultear and Meredy left and things had kind of gone back to as normal as they ever were at Fairy Tail, I winced as Porlyusica pulled off the last of my bandages. The air on the bare skin of my scalp did _not _feel pleasant. She sighed, "Well, you'll undoubtedly have some scarring around this eye, how you managed to catch a boulder with your face in a way that made such an even mark is beyond me, but on the upside, it looks like your hair is starting to grow back." She gently rubbed my head and I could feel a short but thankfully thick and even stubble of hair.

I grimaced, "Well that's something at least. Thank you again for all your help." I flexed my fingers with a smile, "It's good to have my hand back. Don't suppose you know a trick for making hair grow back faster do you? My head's cold."

Porlyusica scoffed, "Just go get a hat. Try not to break anything again for at least a week."

I smiled, "As inconvenient as losing use of my arm was? I have no intentions of breaking anything ever again if I can avoid it."

"Hah! You're in Fairy Tail kid," Porlyusica laughed, "If you _don't_ get yourself injured regularly then there's something wrong with you. I've never seen such a reckless bunch!"

I smiled as I got to my feet, "Weeell I've always been a bit of a weird one. If that's what makes me the oddball this time, _I'll take it. _See you around Ms. Porlyusica, have a nice day." And out I went.

I tossed out a card and hopped aboard, quickly sitting and crossing my legs for balance and then zooming away back towards town.

* * *

**Next Time! on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_Erza nodded, "Thank you, I do like to think I know all my guildmates rather well." She took a sip of tea with a small smile before calmly sliding the compartment door closed and locking it, "That of course brings up the fact that you're new and I don't know you very well at all. So while I would hate for Natsu to miss his punishment…" She swapped her tea over to her right hand and immediately clocked Natsu into what I suspect was blissful unconsciousness with a lightning quick rabbit punch from her left before turning a rather disconcerting gaze on me, "I'd much rather have some privacy while I question you about your intentions regarding Mirajane. Her last steady boyfriend didn't work out well, and I didn't like seeing my best friend like that at all. **So**," Her friendly smile promised all manner of horrible pain and torment if I lied, "**Let's talk**."_


	20. Ch17: Q&A with Erza

**AN: _Ok, as always, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

**_Blaze2121:_**_ Well I'm certainly glad you're enjoying, and I'm very pleased to hear that you consider the comedy and romance aspects to be on point (comedy and romance are hard), but I sincerely hope I'm doing the rest of it well too. As for all 3 at once for a while, jury's still out on that one. I'm opening a poll on the subject. There'll be a note about it at the end of this chapter._

**_Beruit: _**_Yes, Precht was speaking with Larcade. DOES he know about Zeref? Hmmm...I have to wonder about that. No, August would not have killed Precht because August knows that if Precht hadn't done what he did then August would never have wound up where he is now. The Gildarts scene had to be censored for the sake of preserving a couple of questions which are going to be rather important, most of all though is the following: Was Jerry telling the truth about defeating Acnologia?_

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_ Glad you like it! One of the things I really set out to do with this fic was shine some light onto the stuff that was just glossed over in canon and really explore some of the mechanics of the world that Hiro-san didn't have time/narrative-room for. More MiraXJerry you say? You're in luck!_

**_Prometo:_**_ Not just any kind of magic, any ANYTHING period, and in any amount. 'Bottomless pit' is an apt description. This was actually first hinted at all the way back in the eating contest in Chapter 7. DID he eat Acnologia? I suppose the real question is do you believe that I'd seriously let him beat and rip the stuffings out of canon's biggest baddest and nonchalantly send him packing this early in the story? So the real question would be: IS Jerry full of shit?_

**_Raidentensho:_**_ The real question is: If Jerry's strong enough to beat down Acnologia hard enough to send the Dragon King packing with his tail between his legs, does he even NEED to be a slayer? And beyond that, do you believe Jerry is THAT powerful? Keep in mind, we're talking about ACNOLOGIA, the man responsible for singlehandedly driving dragonkind to virtual extinction. I don't know 'Uncharted' so no. Yes it will be epic. I actually have no plans currently for Jerry's Second Origin, and given that it was never shown being unlocked naturally in canon, I've no idea what unlocking it through any method other than Ultear's would entail. What makes you think he's weaker than Erza when he's at 100% given that as of your asking that you were apparently convinced he could not just beat but DECIMATE Acnologia? If he's THAT strong at full power, then he's at LEAST as formidable as Gildarts because even Irene who was equal to August who trounced Gildarts didn't fancy her odds in a 1v1 with Acnologia. What does his scar look like? (chuckles) I wonder..._

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Q&A With Erza**

* * *

==That Evening==

* * *

We wound up recruiting Levy for the quest as well since Erza had realized on her second read through of the flier that Levy's near encyclopedic knowledge of ancient languages and vast skill as a polyglot would come in handy on this quest. When I asked why, Erza had declared there was an exceptionally high chance we'd be travelling abroad on this one. Fiore's actually a reasonably small country, so I don't guess I should've been as surprised as I was that wizarding jobs, especially ones as important as S-Class quests, could wind up being international affairs.

We booked a night train to the town of Thistleton in the mountains around the middle of North Fiore so that we'd have time to get packed for our trip. It hadn't taken me long since most everything I had that I would even consider taking with me fit in my Requip space, but not everybody can do that, so I wound up having about nine hours to kill. Then Mira popped in to give me 'a reason to come back safe', and that nine hours to spare turned into nine _minutes _before I knew any time had passed at all.

Lucy, Levy and Erza had all grinned at me knowingly as I ran up with my shirt on backwards, my hair messed up and a big smile on my face. Natsu was just curious about why I smelled like Mira. _Then_ it hit him and his jaw hit the ground, "AGAIN?! SERIOUSLY?!"

I grinned smugly, "Again. Seriously. I think that's one of the very few things I am completely _incapable _of getting tired of." Natsu babbled something incoherent as Happy declared me gross.

Then Erza picked me up and tossed me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes in an instant, "Ok! Too much information, time to get on the train." I gestured cluelessly to Lucy and Levy and got a laugh as we boarded the train. I could've been upset or annoyed by the indignity of being hauled about like a piece of luggage, but there were worse things than being literally carried off by Erza.

Erza gave the train conductor her ticket, and then turned around so I could show him mine. He looked mildly confused, so I told him with a smirk, "In a fun twist on the classic story, I, the handsome prince, am being toted off by the beautiful princess for a ravishing in the royal bedchamber. Please do not interfe-WHOAHO!"

I immediately teleported halfway down the train car, blushing as red as Erza's hair with the very distinct feel of her hand still quite fresh where she'd copped a feel of my ass.

I tried to think of something clever, heck, _anything _clever or not, to say, and then it sank in with Lucy, Levy, Natsu and the train conductor what had just happened. Happy didn't get it, but he could tell Erza had done _something _and that it had embarrassed me. To call it a mere 'storm' of hysterical cackling would be an understatement. Then Erza shot me the _cheekiest _damn grin over her shoulder that I would never have guessed she was capable of, and a wicked grin of my own slid across my face, _Oh game on Red, game on._

We pretty quickly found our way to our cabin and got our things stored away beneath the seats. Lucy and Levy had headed straight for the dining car with Happy, and that left just me, Erza and Natsu in our cabin.

"You have a _delightfully _sadistic sense of justice," I told Erza with a grin as I watched Natsu utterly _wilt _when the train started rolling.

Erza nodded, "Thank you, I do like to think I know all my guildmates rather well." She took a sip of tea with a small smile before calmly sliding the compartment door closed and locking it, "That of course brings up the fact that you're new and I don't know _you _very well at all. So while I _would_ hate for Natsu to miss his punishment…"

She swapped her tea over to her right hand and immediately clocked Natsu into what I suspect was blissful unconsciousness with a lightning quick rabbit punch from her left before turning a rather disconcerting gaze on me, "I'd much rather have some privacy while I question you about your intentions regarding Mirajane. Her last steady boyfriend didn't work out well, and I didn't like seeing my best friend like that at all. So," Her friendly smile promised all manner of horrible pain and torment if I lied, "_Let's talk._"

Everything suddenly fell into place and I snorted with laughter a little, "So _that's _why you brought me. Gotta say, I find your deviousness quite cute."

Erza frowned, "Pardon me?"

I waved my hand lightly with a smile, "Come on, it's obvious! You bring me along on a dangerous quest where any or all of us could die at the drop of a hat, then you wait until we're underway to start questioning my intentions regarding your best friend so that you can bump me off on the quest and make it look like an accident if you need to. Use your reputation as being completely upright and noble to sell any lie you have to tell regarding my demise, and do the stoic face pretending to be hiding your tears so you don't look weak when in reality, you're just praying nobody finds out. I can only deem it an admirably devious little scheme."

Silence reigned for a moment and then, "Do you really think so little of me?" Erza asked quietly as her eyes burned with indignation.

I raised an eyebrow, "Eh? Pretty sure that was a _compliment_ to your planning skills Erza. Going by your reaction," I continued, "I'm going to guess that either you had no such plans and this questioning me is a spur of the moment thing, _or_ you're a _brilliant _actress trying to throw me off the scent of the plan I just mentioned. Either way, it says favorable things about you, and regardless of which it is, if your intentions are truly to simply ensure that I have nothing but the best intentions for Mira, then I have absolutely nothing to fear."

"And why is that?" Erza asked in a rather dangerous voice.

I looked at her flatly, "Because even though she's _asked _me not to fall in love with her, and I've been trying my damnedest not to, she is as far as I can tell a complete and utter _angel _who I would very much like to spend the rest of my life with. I love her," I admitted quietly, "I can't stop that no matter how much she may want me to, but I won't tell her until she says it's okay. She's done so much for me, been everything I could've ever asked for, hell, she's…" I shook my head with a small smile, "She's _so _much better than I deserve, but I guess, if she wants me, then all I can do is go along with her wishes in whatever way I can and hope that maybe, someway, somehow, I can be as good for her as she is for me. You want to know my intentions Erza?" I looked her right in the eye, "I intend to be who or whatever Mirajane wants me to be. If that's a booty-call, a boyfriend, or even just a guildmate, she deserves every ounce of affection and respect I can give her and I bloody well intend to deliver."

I sat back and looked out the window, "If this mystery ex were to come back, genuinely repentant for making her cry, I'm guessing there were tears?" I asked with a glance at Erza who nodded, "Then after I _beat. The. SHIT._ out of him for breaking her heart, if she still wanted him, I'd step aside with nothing but a warning to him to never even _think_ about making her cry again, because I would make absolutely sure there was ZERO chance for a third time." I thunked my head against the window frame, "Would it hurt to see her with someone else?" I pursed my lips, "Proba-no. I'm not even gonna lie to myself like that, _definitely_. Definitely hurt. It would kill me inside, but I think as long as she was happy, I could keep my feelings on it to myself and move on."

I rolled around and looked up at the ceiling, "I think she may be planning to get back together with him, somewhere in the back of her head, or maybe she's just terrified of getting hurt again. Either way, she's made it clear repeatedly that she doesn't consider us exclusive. She's all but _encouraged _me to flirt with Cana, and I can't say I don't like Cana. Cana's pretty dang beautiful too, and she's one heck of a kisser. If what concerns you is that I'm, openly flirtatious I suppose, with other girls, then you can rest assured that I only allow myself to be that way because Mira has made it clear she doesn't mind. I don't know if you were there for it, but she all but told me to use my Pleasure magic on Cana, which is about as close to sex as one can get with their clothes on. So, I don't know if she's into threesomes, if she's just trying really hard to keep me from focusing all my affection on her, or what. What I do know," I declared as I rolled my gaze back around to Erza, "Is that anything Mirajane asks of me? _Mirajane is probably going to get._"

Erza was looking at me thoughtfully and then she nodded, "I believe I'm starting to see what Mira meant when she said you're ten percent of a Gildarts."

I tilted my head in confusion, "Eh?"

Erza smiled, "Oh that's right, I forgot, you haven't really had much time to get to know him. Gildarts is a _notorious _womanizer, but he's also very honest and a genuinely good man. You _might _want to be careful of flirting with Cana in his presence though. He's fiercely protective of everyone in the guild, but now that he knows Cana is his daughter? I expect he'll be almost smothering in how overprotective he'll be of her. Even the fact that you're the one who pointed it out to him and got him back to Fairy Tail in record time to see her probably won't be enough to save you if he decides you aren't worthy of her."

I nodded, "Duly noted and thank you for explaining. I had assumed she was simply referring to my ability to use Crash magic."

Erza flinched, "_You can use Crash Magic?!"_

I blinked at her, "Eh, yeah? Didn't Mira tell you that's what I upended the mountain on myself with? Thought everybody knew that. It's not my natural magic and I haven't really practiced with it, since I'm only just fresh out of my bandages and Porlyusica told me not to until I was…It's, actually _really _simple. I was able to show Cana how to do it in no time. Of course, Archive made that just, absurdly easy since I can just transfer knowledge at will now…"

Erza nodded, "You're right, that…probably is what she meant. I thought she simply meant that you were immensely formidable. I had no idea you could use _that._"

I nodded, "I combined my telekinesis with the explosive aspects of my light magic and the result was the mountainside I hit with it being blown apart at the seams under me."

Erza nodded, "That _does _sound like Gildarts's Crash magic."

I nodded, "I don't know if it's the exact same. I'm sure that if it is then he is probably _far _more proficient with it than I am, but whatever it is, Cana seemed to think it was close enough to thank me for knowledge of it."

Erza nodded, "I expect so. Well, on to the next question." Her expression turned serious again, "What are your intentions towards _Lucy?"_

I snorted, "If you had asked me that a few days ago, I'd have told you probably about the same thing I would about Cana. Be as nice as I can, be a good friend, if I get a chance to get with her and Mira doesn't mind, _take it._ Ever since Dingus there pulled his little Galuna stunt though?" I nodded towards Natsu, "I'm starting to think that he's got a very significant crush on her, and he is my teammate and my friend. I'll not begrudge him an open playing field to try and get with her."

Erza blinked at me in surprise, "What's the Galuna Island quest got to do with it?"

I frowned, "Think about it. He didn't _need _to drag Lucy along to pull a harebrained stunt. He's perfectly capable of doing that on his own. He also didn't _need_ to take the lowest reward on the board. If he was looking to prove himself, then he could've gone for a higher reward which would've indicated more risk and therefore more proof of whatever strength he had if he were successful. He _didn't though. _He chose the only job in the entire guild hall that had a Celestial Spirit Key as part of the reward. Why? To get Lucy to go with him. Why wouldn't he come to me or you for something like that? If he wanted a plan to get away with it and ensure the mission was a success, he would've come to me, and if he wanted permission, he would've gone to you, but either of those options means more people joining him. Normally I'd chalk it up to him being a bonehead, but given that I saw him curled around Lucy yesterday morning like she was the most precious thing in the world to him, and that he _has _been visiting her on an almost daily basis since we got settled in? A lot of pieces start falling into place."

I started counting on my fingers, "The Gold Zodiac Key that he _knew _she wanted, the element of mischief to entice her and get her excited, going alone with her on a mission which he knew would be dangerous and therefore probably involve her needing to be rescued? I don't think Natsu was trying to prove _squat _to the guild in general. If I had to guess? I'd say that was his idea of a _date._"

Erza looked like I had told her with a straight face and a good amount of evidence that not only were there going to be cows casually bouncing over the moon that evening, but also that it actually _was _made of cheese. "Wh-what? Th-that's absurd, surely not even Natsu would…"

"How'd…you know?" Natsu forced out as he revealed himself to have woken up, still immensely motion sick.

Erza stared at him in shock, "A-ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU DID ALL THAT FOR THE SAKE OF TAKING LUCY ON A DATE?!"

"Thought it would…_hurp_…be fun…" Natsu mumbled.

Erza kept staring for a moment and then knocked him right back out as her face twisted into outrage, "**_IDIOT!_**"

I raised an eyebrow, "Undoubtedly. Although that does beg the question, does he consider _this _some kind of date as well?"

Erza shot me a very _very _sour look, "_What?_"

I started ticking it off on my fingers, "He's still getting to be with Lucy. He's still going on a dangerous adventure. Even if there's no reward, he will undoubtedly get to spend time with her and earn her trust in the thick of whatever combat or trouble may arise on this mission. The only real difference between this and Galuna is that they're not getting rewarded even if we succeed, we're already here, and there's no element of mischief because it's sanctioned and technically punishment. We've even got a cute blue haired girl along for the ride! All we need now for this to be Galuna Take Two is…"

I was interrupted by a knock on the compartment door. Erza slid it open and I nodded as I saw who had knocked, "Speak of the devil. A dark haired rival of Natsu's."

Gajeel blinked in surprise, "Eh?"

Natsu's nose twitched and then he came wide awake his finger immediately extended towards the Iron Dragon Slayer, "GAJEEL!"

"Hey Flame-for-Brains," Gajeel smirked, "Long time no see. Thought I smelled you in here."

…

* * *

…

After a quick round of introductions, Gajeel was sitting next to me and across from Erza and a still almost too queasy to talk Natsu. It wasn't until Erza asked him point blank about Phantom Lord's plans to eradicate Fairy Tail that Gajeel realized he might not be in perfectly friendly company.

Before he could panic or get violent, I interceded rather smoothly, "The plan was a _total _flop you know. Apparently Jose sent two shmucks called Totomaru and Sol to handle it after you and Juvia didn't report in. They got caught."

Gajeel facepalmed, "Of course they did. Geeze the boss can be such a moron sometimes…Er…" he realized belatedly that he had just confessed.

I waved his panic away, "Oh relax, Juvia's already joined Fairy Tail and vouched for you. You want me to call her for you? My Archive can project for you easy."

Gajeel looked at me in shock and then, "Yeah, yeah. I'd like to talk to Juvia about this."

I manifested an Archive screen and pulled it up to the size of a dinner tray before handing it to him, "Here ya go, she should be on any minute."

A moment later, sure enough, Juvia's face appeared on the screen as she asked tentatively, "Hello?" Then she recognized Gajeel and exclaimed happily, "Gajeel-kun!"

"Hey Juvia," Gajeel grunted, "What's this I hear about you joining Fairy Tail?"

Juvia huffed, "Stupid Jose kicked Gajeel-kun out for ditching the mission. Juvia was furious, and besides, Stupid Jose's plan backfired _big time _just like Juvia said it would!"

"WHAT DO YA MEAN HE KICKED ME OUT?!" Gajeel barked in indignation.

"He blew his top and called you a bonehead and said he was kicking you out," Juvia replied bluntly, "Then he tried to call Juvia back and Juvia told him to fuck off because Councilwoman Ultear of the Magic Council's mother heard him confess to the whole plan along with representatives from Lamia Scale, Fairy Tail had already caught and gotten written confessions out of Totomaru and Sol, and Phantom was outnumbered about half a dozen to one because _all _of Fairy Tail's S-Class is either in Magnolia or very close by right now, and they've got at least three more wizards who are probably at least as tough as we are in house!"

Gajeel stared at her slack jawed for almost a full minute before, "You told Jose to fuck off?"

Juvia blushed and poked her fingers together, "Well not exactly, but Juvia thought the message was pretty clear…"

Gajeel stared at her for a moment and then threw back his head and laughed, "Good for you Juvia! I was gettin' sick of that greaseball anyway!" He laughed for a moment more before he sobered up, "So what convinced ya to join Fairy Tail?"

"They're super nice!" Juvia exclaimed, "And they have kick-ass parties that are _so much better _than anything we ever had in Phantom, and Fairy Tail only takes _five _percent of our reward money instead of twenty!"

Gajeel took all that into consideration, "And ya really think we'll be happier there?"

"Definitely!" Juvia declared with an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Gajeel reached up and wiped his Phantom Lord mark without so much as a flinch and then grinned, "Well, I'm sold. I'll see ya when I get there."

Juvia squealed with delight, "Thank you Gajeel! I promise you won't regret it! Ooh! Lemme tell Master Makarov! _Masteeer! Juvia just found out Gajeel-kun wants to join!"_

A moment later Master Makarov's face came onto the screen, "So you're Gajeel huh?"

Gajeel nodded, "Yep, Black Steel Gajeel Redfox the Iron Dragon Slayer. Juvia tells me ya run a pretty sweet operation at Fairy Tail, thinks I oughta join. She's usually right, so have ya got room for another dragon in that nest o' yers?"

Makarov raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to be as insanely destructive as Natsu?"

Gajeel thought about it, "Ehh…depends, how destructive _is _Natsu these days?"

"Are you going to accidentally burn down buildings at random and make the Council send me dozens and dozens of complaints about how reckless you are?" Makarov asked flatly.

"Juvia would never let Gajeel-kun be so foolish!" Juvia exclaimed.

"We were kinda Jose's go-to team for _quiet and no screw ups _actually," Gajeel added before admitting a tad reluctantly, "Granted I may get a little carried away with busting heads, but that's just 'cause I enjoy it."

"Believe it or not Gajeel-kun's actually very well behaved when nobody's actively offering a fight," Juvia added, "Don't let him fool you, he was actually one of the nicest people in Phantom! That's why he's Juvia's best friend."

"Don't go tellin' em that ya crazy rain-woman!" Gajeel exclaimed, "I don' want anyone thinkin' I'm a softie!"

Juvia stifled a laugh, "Oh relax, everyone knows you're tall, dark and scary. Oh wait, I'm sorry, _Mr. _Tall, dark and scary."

I couldn't help but grin, it was just like Gabe and Julie back home!

"What're you laughin' at?" Gajeel growled at me.

I grinned at him, the glare was so reminiscent of Gabe's that it almost hurt, "Remember how I told you when I met you that you two look just like my best friends back home? You _sound _just like them too. Trust me, that's a compliment."

"Oh, well, don't make a habit of it," Gajeel grumbled, again looking so much like Gabe it was hilarious.

"I'm sorry!" I cackled, "T-the resemblance is…PAHAHAHA! You, you'd have to see it to believe it!" I took a deep breath and managed to stop laughing.

Master turned his gaze back to Gajeel, "Well anyway, Juvia's vouched for you, the door's open if you want it."

Gajeel nodded, "Yeah, I think I'd like to join."

Master nodded, "Is Erza there?"

"Right here Master," Erza replied as she leaned forward to look around the side of the screen, "You want me to mark him?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Master replied.

Erza suddenly pulled a magic stamper from her Requip Space, "Okay Gajeel, where do you want it and what color?"

Gajeel turned his shoulder to her, "Black please."

Erza nodded and pressed the stamper to his shoulder before pulling it away with a smile to reveal a shiny black Fairy Tail insignia, "Welcome to Fairy Tail."

Gajeel nodded with a grin, "So uh, I kinda forgot to ask, why are all of you on a train?"

"We're going on an S-Class job," I replied with a smile.

"Natsu here stole one without permission," Erza clarified, "So now for his punishment, Master has declared that he and his accomplices have to go on the nastiest S-Class quest I feel I can handle for no reward. I brought Jerry here and our friend Levy along for back up."

Master made a thoughtful sound and then, "Gajeel, you were one of Phantom's S-Class right?"

Gajeel nodded, "Yeah, strongest wizard in the guild behind Master Jose."

"Hmm…" Master mused, "Erza, do you want another person for back up?"

Erza pondered it for a moment, "I don't suppose it could hurt. Did you have someone in mind?"

"It would be a good way for him to get his feet wet," Master replied, "If he wants to of course. What do you say Gajeel? Want to join in on the job with Erza's team since you're already there with them? The pay's pretty good on this one!"

Gajeel thought about it for all of thirty seconds, "Hey Juvia? Think you can get my stuff moved into somewhere new? I don't want those shmucks in Oaktown getting any ideas now that I'm not in Phantom anymore."

Juvia nodded, "I was planning to anyway."

Gajeel nodded with a smile, "Alright then. I'm in! What's the job?"

"We're going to find a lost city of gold," Erza replied nonchalantly.

I'm certain that I'm not the only one who did a double take, "Come again?"

…

* * *

…

It turned out that Erza had not picked out a mere S-Class job. No, she had picked out a _decade quest,_ a job so tough that nobody had managed to successfully complete it in the over ten years it had been available. That said, the reward was considerable: Twenty million jewels worth of considerable. Even split four ways, that was still equal to the average S-Class job.

Needless to say, this little bit of previously withheld information put a considerable grin on my face, and I was far from the only one. Gajeel looked quite excited when he found out. Natsu was so surprised and delighted that he forgot to be queasy for almost five whole minutes.

Lucy… "TWENTY MILLION JEWELS?!" she wailed from where she was being forced to be Natsu's shoulder to be queasy on, "THIS JOB IS WORTH TWENTY MILLION JEWELS?! DON'T THESE THINGS GET MORE DANGEORUS THE MORE THEY'RE WORTH?!"

"It wouldn't be much of a punishment if it weren't severe," Erza explained nonchalantly. For all that she was being a hard-ass to their faces about it and had ostensibly stuck Lucy with a severely increased chance of getting puked on, it wasn't lost on me that she'd basically given Natsu an excuse to be in very close contact with the now revealed target of his affections. Of course, the flip side of that was that Lucy would be extra furious with Natsu if he puked on her, so at this point it was more a question of what Natsu wanted more: Cuddles with Lucy, or to give in to his motion sickness and barf everywhere. _High risk, high return at its finest,_ I mused.

Gajeel looked over at me and Levy, "So what exactly did they do? I know you said somethin' about stealin' an S-Class quest, but in Phantom if you made it back alive after a stunt like that it was just no pay for the job, a scolding and an increased chance of being in the running to make S-Class that year."

"Natsu, Happy and Lucy took off a really dangerous S-Class quest without permission and none of them are S-Class," Levy explained, "It was extra bad because Lucy didn't know the rules about it and Natsu tricked her into joining him."

"It was much more the 'tying Gray up in a boat' thing," Erza clarified, "if not for that, Natsu and Happy probably wouldn't have been put on probation."

"Probation?" Gajeel asked warily.

"Natsu's rival Gray went to stop them and talk sense into them, but Natsu sucker punched him and tied him up in the little row boat they were taking out to Galuna Island," I explained, "Wouldn't be so bad except the waters were rough, the boat got flipped by a twenty foot tall wave and they're insanely lucky that none of them drowned, especially Gray since he was tied up and wouldn't have been able to swim if he had to."

Gajeel's expression grew more and more horrified as the explanation went on and when I was done, "And yer master didn't kick him out on the spot when he got back?"

Silence reigned for a moment and then Erza declared quietly, "Fairy Tail is our family, we're loathe to see anyone leave it, even in light of such awful transgressions." Then she rabbit punched Natsu unconscious again without the slightest warning, earning a squawk of pain from Lucy as Natsu's head was currently on her shoulder. It didn't last long because Erza's fist crashed into _her _jaw next and then flashed out to grab Happy by the head and stuff him face first into Lucy's cleavage to muffle his hearing. The entire series of strikes was almost too fast to follow and her gauntleted hand was little more than a blur of steel until it settled on the back of Happy's head.

"I'm hoping this quest will last long enough that Natsu's six month probation will be over when we get back," Erza admitted, "If I can just protect him from his own foolishness for six months, then maybe he'll make it through this. Six months is longer than he's ever gone without doing something foolish, that's why I chose the only international S-Class quest I could find aside from the 100 Year Quest."

We took a second to process that and then Gajeel asked quietly, "You'd really go that far for him huh?"

Erza nodded, "He may be an idiot, but he and Gray are still like little brothers to me."

Gajeel crossed his arms with a smile, "Well if nothin' else, it's good to see that my dumbest little brother found himself a good family."

Erza and Levy frowned as that processed and then their eyes went wide, "WAIT! THERE ARE MORE DRAGONSLAYERS?!"

Gajeel raised his hand to count on his fingers, "Gihi, that's right. Me, Natsu, our little sister Wendy, my little brother Lyos and Natsu's little brother Sting. That's why I'm on this train, I thought I caught a whiff of Wendy. Turns out it was just Shorty here."

Levy shot him a very dirty look, "So what? You're saying I smell or something?!"

Gajeel just looked at her and bluntly declared, "Wendy smells like tiny, blue and cute. What part of that does not describe you?"

A suddenly crimson blushing Levy was saved from answering that by Natsu groaning, "But Gajeel, Wendy smells like outside, not inside. Levy smells like books…"

"I know that, but it was close enough to merit investigating!" Gajeel declared, "I also smelled dragon in here but that turned out to be you."

This got me curious, "So what do I smell like?"

"Your girlfriend." "Mira." There was absolutely no doubt in their voices and I admit it raised a bit of a blush to my cheeks. I just turned and grinned out the window.

"You mean Mirajane the She-Devil?" Gajeel asked, "That's not what I would've expected her to smell like at all…"

"Yes I was actually just discussing that with him right before you came in," Erza explained.

Natsu sat up in surprise and he and Levy exclaimed in surprise, "Jerry passed the Erza test?!"

"Erza test?"

"For those of us who've been with the guild for a long time, Erza's everybody's big sister except for Mirajane and Cana," Levy explained causing Erza to glow with pride, "So anyone who wants to date one of us has to have Erza's approval or risk getting beaten to a pulp. It's different for everybody."

"Yeah but nobody's passed the Erza test for Mira since-" **POW!**

"Be quiet Natsu," Erza ordered sharply as Natsu collapsed off her suddenly outstretched fist. I pouted slightly and turned by gaze back out the window. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Levy a second later and there was some rustling of sleeves as she communicated her shock to Erza.

"The heck are you two signing about?" Gajeel asked a tad irritably.

"Jerry is a very good boyfriend who is very protective of Mira," Erza explained, "So for the safety of both him and Mira's ex-boyfriend I'm trying to keep him from finding out said ex's identity because while Jerry is formidable, I'm not sure he's _that_ formidable. Either way, I doubt either of them would walk away completely unscathed from a fight which, given their attitudes and feelings towards Mira, would almost certainly occur, and I doubt either of them would stop until someone separated them or one of them stopped moving. Since Jerry is an evil genius, it's imperative that we don't say anything about Mira's ex-boyfriend because Jerry will very quickly figure it out if we do."

It was right about then that Erza noticed my fingers scratching away at my knee like they were typing on a computer.

"_JERRY,"_ Erza declared sharply, "Mira wouldn't want you to fight him! Trust me, if she wanted him to suffer, _he'd be suffering_. Don't forget that Mira's every bit as devious as she is strong. She is _more _than capable of making him hurt in far subtler ways than merely beating him to a pulp, and she more likely than not could and _would_ do it herself if she wanted it done."

My frantically twitching fingers slowed to a halt and a bit of the tension left me, "Fine, but he's still on my eternal shit list if she hasn't forgiven him."

"She said there was nothing to forgive and wanted everyone to pretend it never happened," Levy replied quickly.

"She would _certainly _not appreciate it being brought up for the point of violence," Erza added.

I growled lightly, "Fine… fine."

Everyone was quiet for a moment and then Gajeel asked bluntly, "Yer not even close to givin' up are ya?"

"_Nope," _I bit out. I took a breath, "I'll keep myself under control. If Mira doesn't want his ass kicked then it simply can't be helped. I'll do nothing that would upset her, but the instant I get the go ahead from Mira, there's going to be a very high chance of things getting very ugly, _very_ quickly."

"For _you,_" Erza shot back sharply, "You would almost certainly lose."

I shot a glance at her and saw that she honestly believed that. "Hmmm…I need to get stronger."

Erza sighed, "_Men._"

Through the reflection in the window, I could see Gajeel looking from her to me in confusion, but I decided not to comment on it. I had definitely gotten stronger recently, there was no doubt about that. However, if he was in Fairy Tail, then he had almost certainly benefited from Master Precht's tutelage as well, and judging by Erza's surety, he'd been no slouch to begin with. It also narrowed the possibilities down _considerably_ given that even at one percent I could fight evenly with Natsu and Gray who I knew from my own experience and Erza's judgment to be two of the strongest wizards in Fairy Tail aside from the S-Class. In fact, given that Mystogan was into redheads…there was really only one person I was aware of who fit the criteria. I started running through what little I knew about him and a scowl twisted my features without my meaning to as things started lining up.

"I don't know who it is," Gajeel muttered, "But that face he's makin' makes it looks like he does."

Erza's head snapped around, "HOW?! I was certain I didn't say anything that could've given it away!"

"There are only six people in the guild that I'm aware of who are that much stronger than me that you would be certain of my defeat should I confront them," I declared, "of those six: one is Mira, one is you, two are very much too old, and Mystogan prefers redheads. Am I wrong?"

I could tell from Erza and Levy's expressions that I wasn't. "Hmm…you're right. Lightning is a troublesome magic to combat." Erza and Levy both flinched. Yep, that was the final confirmation I needed.

"Hmmm…" I felt my fingers go to twitching again but I didn't bother to stop them, _How to stop a lightning bolt…_

Erza sighed, "Just remember your promise to behave until Mira asks you not to."

"Of course," I replied evenly as I turned to look at her, "No matter how much I may feel he deserves to have his ass kicked, the important thing is Mira's happiness. If Mira's happy, I'm happy. If Mira's not happy, somebody's in trouble."

Erza breathed a small sigh of relief, "Well in that case I've nothing to worry about. Mira's happier with you than she has been in years."

I couldn't help it, Erza's words had their intended effect. The knowledge that I was making Mira happy was plenty to banish the violent clouds of tactical thought from my mind in an instant.

Then Gajeel made a little whip cracking sound.

I turned around slowly to look at him and then grinned a little, "And proud of it." The way his smug, goading grin turned to an expression of complete shock was about fifty percent of the immense grin spread across my face as I turned back to look out the window towards the wall of dark clouds on the horizon.

...

* * *

**...**

**NEXT TIME on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_He gestured us to a table with chairs around it, calmly seating himself at the head of it. We sat around the table and he nodded, "First off, I want to thank you for coming. This is a matter very dear to my heart."_

_"__It's our pleasure Dr. Whistler," Erza replied with a smile, "We're happy to help."_

_Dr. Whistler nodded, "Weeell you might not be so pleased when I tell you that over seventy expeditions throughout the years have tried this job and most have never been heard from again."_

_..._

* * *

**...**

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:**

_**As those of you who read my Reviewer Replies know (and really everyone should), I've known who the final pairing for this story is from the word 'go'.**_

_**HOWEVER, as several readers have pointed out, this could easily be a harem fic due to the way I'm trying to make sure all the options are as believable as I can. Given that it's been pointed out several times now, I find myself considering the possibility.**_

_**SO.**_

_**Starting now, and extending through Valentines Day 2020, I'll be taking votes on this matter:**_

_**Should this story feature multi-pairings? Yes or no.**_

_**The poll is posted on my profile page, but if polls aren't your thing, then you can just leave your vote in a comment/review.**_


	21. Ch18: The Melancholy of Dr Whistler

**AN: _Ok, first off, before we get started with Reviewer Replies, an update on the poll:_**

**_Yes Multi-pairing is currently in the lead with 11 (7 votes and 4 comments), as opposed to 'no I wanna know who the end pairing is' at 7 (3 votes and 4 comments). We also had one comment that basically said 'don't care, trust you to make it work either way', which certainly made me smile even if I can't really count it towards one side or the other._**

**_Also, something I feel I should clarify: When I say 'multipairing' I'm talking about the end pairing. Regardless of which side wins, there WILL BE at least a handful of threesomes. The only thing up for debate here is whether more than one of them turns into something extremely serious, and whether or not I tackle absolutely horrific kick-in-the-feels tragedy before this story is over. Granted that's not a writing muscle of mine that gets much exercise, but there's also a reason for that...I don't like sad things._**

**_Anyway! Now that that's out of the way, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

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**Raven Carver: **_You're quite right, I'm enjoying the hell out of this fic. Thank you so much for your kind words. I think I see what you're saying about how anyone who knows the series would be able to figure it out in an instant, but keep in mind Jerry knows NOTHING. He has absolutely ZERO knowledge of anyone/thing he hasn't personally met/seen happen. So anything that would be a huge heads up to us goes completely over his head. There's even something in this chapter that I'm sure every one of you will know exactly what's happening which completely throws Jerry for a loop because he has no idea about the reason for it. All your support? I appreciate it very much! :D_

**Blaze2121: **_Again, you ain't seen nothin' on the crack end of what I can do. When I go off into crack-fic territory, you'll know it. As for the 3 you mentioned, what makes you think they'd be all? Jerry's nice to everybody, the things he does which win them over he could and WOULD do for anybody. That's just who he is!_

**Raidentensho:** _Nah, Gajeel's fine. He didn't develop the motion sickness until the GMG remember? So he's still fine and dandy on vehicles and still thinks Natsu's being a wimp. Decomposition vs Acnologia? Nope. Dragons are immune to harm from any magic of their element, which in Acnologia's case is ALL OF IT, so even Decomposition at its strongest would bounce right off him. The only thing that can hurt Acnologia while he's in dragon form is dragon grade physical force. In a one-on-one with no chance of bystanders getting hurt, Makarov in good health could probably beat Acnologia in Giant form because at that size he's actually strong enough to fight Acnologia's dragon form. He'd at least put up one hell of a scrap. Given how little we get to see Erza's canon armors actually do their thing, we're much more likely to see something like Purgatory Armor get busted out and get a chance to see WHY she's always so confident in it even though the only time we've ever seen her bust it out and it not get shattered to bits in like a minute was when she, Mira and Makarov went to curbstomp Twilight Ogre._

**AnimeMyWorld: **_Is Laxus stronger than him? Even I'm not sure on that one! Could Jerry win? Yes, if he was prepared, and possibly even easily depending on how far he was willing to go. For example it would be FRIGHTENINGLY easy to simply open a portal into Laxus's skull and crush his brain like a handful of Jello, but that would obviously be an instant kill technique and Jerry would have to be pretty unbelievably PISSED to use such directly lethal means, especially since it would almost certainly horrify everyone he cares about. Barring any instant-kill techniques would it otherwise be one unholy HELL of a scrap? Oh yeah. Laxus is a tough customer no matter who his opponent is._

**RedBloond:** _Well that was a short comment, please see the above note about how the poll is standing. Thank you for voicing your opinion. :)_

**Prometo: **_As always, glad you're still enjoying. Yes I think Gajeel's going to have quite a number of interesting and epic moments before we get back to Fairy Tail. I certainly hope you will find the plot interesting! :D I'm glad you're enjoying Jerry's relationships, they're actually THE number one aspect of this fic I'm shakiest on since I have absolutely ZERO personal experience with romance. The harem route might be predictable, but rest assured that if it wins it won't affect the way I write this story in the slightest. The only difference is whether or not I have to tackle heart-wrenching tragedy before the end of this thing._

**The watcher earth C-137: **_Thank you for your confidence in me, I shall strive not to disappoint! :D You know it's kind of funny that everyone's treating this as a romantic comedy. I had no intention of it being that, it just sort of turned out that way. I'm starting to wonder if I should change the story's category TO Romantic-Comedy instead of Adventure-Comedy since everyone seems to consider it as such._

**DarkDrawerJ: **_As always, glad you're enjoying. :D _

**Guest: **_Well I'm certainly glad you're enjoying! Yes that fight would/will be freaking EPIC if it happens. I'd honestly call it one of the most hype fights in the whole story. Batman vs Superman? Mmm... More like Thor than Superman, and I'm honestly not sure who a good analogy for Jerry would be given his actually shockingly varied and formidable array of abilities._

**_Alright, and now that we're through the comments..._**

**_..._**

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**Chapter 18 – The Melancholy of Dr. Whistler**

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...

A little while later, Erza and I headed down to the dining car. It looked like we'd be running into a lot of rain soon, so we elected to go on down and get something to eat. We didn't make it in time, and by the time we got to the end of the car, the rain was coming down in sheets. We stepped on across, hoping to make it without getting _too _wet. With the roar of the wind and the rain hitting in waves, I almost couldn't hear the roar of the wheels on the tracks or the rattling of the chains acting as a failsafe for the event the coupling between the cars failed.

I was intent on getting across, which made bumping into Erza's back a surprise. I looked up from where I'd had my head ducked down to keep the rain out of my eyes and saw her shoot me a terrified glance over her shoulder. There was no mistaking it either, that was absolute _terror._

I don't know what possessed me to throw the door back open to the car we'd just stepped out of and yank her inside, but in retrospect it was definitely the right move… even if I tripped and we wound up sprawled in the floor. I kicked the door shut to keep the rain out and turned my attention to Erza.

My eyes went wide as I registered the sound of her ragged, panicked breathing right in my ear. I couldn't feel her heart hammering as she clung to me like the only piece of driftwood keeping her afloat, but I knew it was. "Erza," I said quietly, then a little louder and more firmly when that didn't merit a response, "_Erza._"

Erza jerked and suddenly she sat up, completely heedless of the fact that she was straddling me. I could see her chest heave even beneath her breastplate and the look on her face was that of someone who'd just woken from a horrible nightmare. I sat up without a word and gently pulled her close, "Hey, hey, just calm down. It's alright. You're not there anymore, you're right here with me okay? We're safe. You're safe. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

Erza trembled as I heard a breath escape her, "How do you…"

"I don't," I told her quietly, "but I was trained well enough to recognize the signs of a PTSD induced panic attack."

"PTSD?" Erza asked, scrabbling for something to focus on other than whatever hellish memory had just reared its ugly head.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," I explained gently, "It's what happens when people go through something so awful that they never fully get over it. A lot of people learn to function properly again, but if anything sets them off, then in their mind, they're right back in whatever hell hole they escaped. I won't ask, but if you ever need to talk to someone about it, I'm right here." I made sure I had eye contact with her, "I won't judge, no matter what it is, and if there's anything you need help with, I'm here for you. You're my guildmate, and that means I'll do everything I can for you okay?"

Erza contemplated that for a moment and then gathered her composure and nodded, "Yes. I'm alright now. Thank you. Let's, let's get something to eat."

I nodded, "Alright, let's get up and I'll use a portal to get us into the next car. It'll be drier that way." Erza nodded and then we just…sat there for a moment.

Then Erza looked at me irritably, "Aren't you going to offer to help me up?"

I blinked and then snorted with a little smile, "Erza, _look down._"

Erza looked down and realized she was perfectly straddling my lap. She immediately blushed as red as her hair. I could almost hear the gears in her head screech to a halt. It probably didn't help that my body had finally caught up to the situation and ah…_reacted _accordingly. I made no mention of it though as I chuckled and folded my legs to stand. I wrapped my arms around her and caught her cuirass and my cloak with my telekinesis, "Uuup we go."

Erza had her feet back under herself almost immediately and stepped back, still blushing utterly crimson and refusing to meet my gaze as she adjusted her skirt. I kept my smile small as I conjured a portal into the dining car and turned to offer her my hand, "Shall we m'lady?"

Erza somehow blushed _redder_ and nodded, standing completely stock still. It was the most ridiculously _adorable _thing I had ever seen. My smile turned to a mischievous smirk, "Upsy-daisy!"

To say Erza was merely _flustered _when I picked her up in a bridal carry would be an understatement. Something in her brain had definitely short circuited from embarrassment. If I ever made a photo album of this quest, the most utterly _priceless _face she was making was beyond any shadow of a doubt going in it. Off hand, I'd say it was about as good as the one I'd made when she grabbed my ass earlier.

I didn't get immediately clocked, so I just strode through the portal, noting that despite the armor, Erza was actually remarkably light. She was as light as a pillow in my arms. Of course, that could've just been the fact that I was still at what I estimated to be ten percent of my magical reserves. According to Master Precht, that meant I was also about ten times _stronger_ than I was used to being.

The dining car was pleasantly lit with soft yellow light, and half of it was taken up by a long bar with brass bar stools. The other side of the car was lined with small two person booths that provided a good view of the country side trundling by through the large windows. The roar of the storm outside was little more than a faint drumming on the roof that blended well with the noise the train made. Altogether it made for a very relaxing atmosphere.

I carried Erza over to a bar stool and gently set her down. The urge to steal a kiss as I took in her flushed face and vaguely star struck expression was almost too much. I actually caught myself leaning in before I forced my instincts back under control and sat down on the stool next to her. I grinned and brushed the urging of my instincts aside to cheerfully request a menu from the highly amused bartender. No alcohol. After that little almost a slip up, I knew that there would be absolutely _no way _I'd be able to restrain myself around Erza if I were intoxicated, and Mira's warning about what happened whenever Erza got drunk was still quite fresh in my mind.

The bartender handed across a pair of menus and propped her elbow on the bar with a cheeky grin, "So, what can I get fer the happy couple?"

I chuckled, "While I'm flattered that you think I could catch such a fine woman as Erza with anything short of a miracle, I've actually already spent my miracle to become attached to her equally amazing best friend."

The bartender's eyes went wide with excitement, "Whoa, yer Erza Scarlet? That's so cool! I totally see why they call you that too, yer hair's so pretty! I've never seen anyone with hair like that!"

Erza's blush deepened again and she smiled, "Oh, well thank you. Yours is quite lovely as well."

The bartender reached up to her wild black bush of hair that was only narrowly held in check by a bandanna and a modest laugh, "Oh what, this mess? Nah, horrible. I'd _much_ rather have nice straight hair like yours, it must be so much less hassle. If I want mine to look even a little presentable, I have ta fight with it fer half an hour!" She chuckled, "But that's enough about me, tell me about you! I've never had a celebrity in mah car before!"

By the time we headed back to our car over an hour later, any trace of Erza's nightmarish flashback had completely vanished in wake of the cheery conversation and sunny smile from the bartender. As we got up to leave, she had one final question, "Hey, just one more thing before ya go. I've kinda been thinkin' I might like ta learn some magic. Mermaid Heel's actually only a few miles from my hometown and I've always thought about joinin'. Ya think I might could cut it as a wizard?"

Erza turned that heart stopping smile on her and was completely oblivious to the way it knocked me flat as she told Risley that she was certain she'd make a fine wizard. Risley on the other hand, "Hey is he alright?"

Erza looked down at me and my brain rebooted just in time for me to get knocked right back to Lala-land as she shot me a fond smile. She said something that made Risley laugh and say something, Erza said something back and then waved goodbye before catching me by the scruff of the neck and tossing me over her shoulder. The jolt knocked me back to my senses and I looked over my shoulder at her, "As much as I don't mind, I gotta know, is this going to be a thing with you?"

"Depends," Erza shot back cheekily, "Are you going to keep fainting every time I smile at you?"

"Mayb-EYAK!" I yelped in surprise as she copped another feel of my ass, prompting another teleport halfway down the car. I drew myself back up and whirled to look at Erza, "If you just really wanna feel me up _that bad_ then just say so!"

Erza suddenly caught me by the front of my cape and dragged me along with a grin, "SO. Mira's talked up your performance quite a bit and she gave me permission to play with you before we left. So yes, in light of all your teasing, I think it's time for me to tease back. Thanks for the food Risley, best of luck if you decide to join a guild! Whether you join Mermaid Heel or come join us at Fairy Tail, I'm sure you'll do wonderfully. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make good on some threats." Risley gleefully called for us to have fun.

Erza dragged me back across to the sleeper car and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief as her trauma made no sign of rearing its head. Then I remembered why she was dragging me and it was _my _turn to blush as red as her hair.

When we got back, Gajeel was the only one still awake and with Lucy stretched out using Natsu for a pillow and Levy doing the same with Gajeel, there were no seats left. Gajeel looked up at us and rumbled out quietly, "Second door from the end's mine. I got a private one since I normally don't like sharin'. I'll make sure ya don't miss our stop."

Erza nodded, "Thank you Gajeel." Then she closed the door and dragged me along. Well, led really, I wasn't resisting at all (who would?!). We made our way down to the compartment Gajeel had indicated and as Erza slid the door open I noticed that there was very little space in it as most of it was taken up by a small bed. It was barely big enough to sleep _one _comfortably, so I opened my mouth to tell Erza I'd sleep on the floor so she could have the bed…

Theeen she pushed me into the room, down onto the bed and straddled me after closing the door behind herself. She positioned herself _perfectly_, and gave me the most cat-caught-the-canary grin I have ever seen. "Now then…" she mused, "I wonder what I should wear for this…Hmmm…" Light flashed and suddenly she was wearing a cat ear headband, fluffy paw gloves, a skin tight blue and white tiger-striped one piece, and white stockings. She smiled at me as my eyes nearly popped out of my head, "Like what you see?" Then she downright _purred _as she ground herself against me and ensured she had my _FULL _attention.

She smirked down at me, "Or maybe…" another flash, "You prefer bunnies?" _BUNNY GIRL?! MIRA JUST HOW MUCH DID YOU TELL HER?!_

Erza leaned down to get right in my face, "Ohhh…you like that? Hmmm…" Hands that felt _way _too soft and delicate to be as strong as I knew they were slid under my shirt, "Let's get this off…"

She pushed my shirt up and only the fact that my arms were rigidly clenched in place kept her from shoving it right up over my head and on off. The mischievous light in Erza's eyes faltered for a moment before she gave me an alluring grin, "Bunny girl's not quite doing it for you? Don't worry, I've got one more that's even better…" She sat up a little, still keeping her hands on my chest as the light flashed around her again. Then she was wearing what I was fairly certain was nothing more than an apron, a maid hat, some lilac colored gauntlets and maybe something on her lower body but I was too busy getting swamped in the wave of what felt suspiciously like my own brand of Pleasure magic trying to override every shred of self-control I had.

To say I was at **WAR** with myself is an understatement. My heartbeat and blood roared in my ears and every fiber of my being screamed for me to bring her lips crashing to mine, to hold and caress and _play_ with every inch of her, and most of all find out _exactly _what was beneath that apron in the most intimate and thorough manner I could. I twitched and shook as I tried to retain control. My eyes bulged to see her better until I crammed them shut. My fingers scrabbled at the sheets for anything to hold onto to keep me from grabbing her and ripping that outfit off her. My whole body shook violently as my hips tried to thrust of their own accord and I did everything I could to stop them. My front tried to curl me up to her while I fought to keep my back as straight as a board. My mouth opened to say something, and I slammed my teeth shut with such force that I'd have undoubtedly bitten my tongue off if I'd missed, not giving the faintest ghost of a damn what lust-addled words might've tumbled from it. Worst of all though was the way that my sense of touch seemed to have been hyper sensitized… Every brush of fabric from the sheets beneath me and the heat of Erza's body as she rode my fit like a rodeo bull was a fresh wave of flames trying to burn away my control. For what felt like an eternity, the animalistic urges I thought I had long since gotten the better of and suppressed raged against my will for control.

It wasn't until a nightmarish image of Mirajane in tears flashed through my head that I was able to muster the strength to stop shaking and force my magic to kick the influence of whatever it was that was coming off that outfit Erza was wearing. I took a deep breath and tried to forced my pulse to calm down. I opened my eyes and didn't quite _snarl_, "Erza. _Enough._"

Erza actually looked utterly _stunned_, and then a moment later, she flashed again and was suddenly wearing conservative lilac pajamas with little cross and heart logos all over them. She tilted her head to the side and smiled softly, "Congratulations. You passed."

_Everything _clicked as her actions all afternoon suddenly made sense. "You've been testing me since the train station haven't you?"

Erza nodded as she sat back and crossed her arms with a small grin, "I really thought I had you for a minute there. Nobody's _ever _been able to resist my Seduction Armor before. Hmph, most don't make it past my Kitten Outfit, let alone Bunny Girl. Lucky you, we would've had to carry you off the train in pieces if you'd failed at this critical stage."

I exhaled slowly, try as I might, my heart was still jackhammering from what I'm certain had almost been a heart attack, "You almost did. I'm curious, how much did Mira actually tell you about what we did?"

"Very little actually, why?"

"So Bunny Girl's just a standard phase of the test?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because Mira has a bunny girl outfit just like that one you were just wearing except black that I happen to _really _like seeing her in," I explained, "Honestly, no offense, but if it had been Mira instead of you, any self-restraint I have would've gone flying out the window instantly. You pull that look off every bit as well as she does. There's no way in hell I could've restrained myself if I didn't have her back home waiting for me."

Erza smiled at the compliment, "Well, now that I know I can trust you…" she laid down on top of me and wrapped her arms around my neck as she laid her head on my shoulder. "…take good care of me," she whispered in my ear before shifting around just enough to make absolutely _sure _there was no way I was going to sleep easily and then she got very still and I guess she was comfortable.

"Is this what you meant by teasing me?" I muttered as I gently raised my arms to wrap around her waist.

She reached down with one hand and moved my hands about six inches lower before grinning into my jaw, "Nope, _this is._ Since I grabbed your bottom, you can touch mine, just this once. Good luck going to sleep though!" she laughed quietly.

I took a moment to register that and then I vindictively charged magic power to my hands, "Well I'd hate to leave a lady unsatisfied." Erza felt the charge rush to my hands and I felt her tense in preparation. Then I unloaded straight into her with a blast of Pleasure that made her whole body shake every bit as hard as I had and earned me a very _very _arousing moan of surprised ecstasy.

A moment later, after she stopped instinctively grinding herself into me to drive herself higher and higher on those wild waves of pleasure I'd induced into her system, she went completely limp and groaned into my ear, "That's cheating…"

"You know what's _really _unfair though?"

"What?"

I snapped my fingers and she drifted off to sleep, with me right behind her as I forced the sleep magic to wash through my body as well and relieve me of the stress it had just been placed under. I fell asleep grinning from ear to ear, _I love my life…_

…

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…

Erza and I woke up right before the train rumbled to a halt. Erza sat up on top of me, looking very surprised to find me there. Then she remembered the night before and blushed crimson again. She thought about slapping me, it was not a quiet thought, but she restrained herself and vented a frustrated breath instead. I quirked an eyebrow at her, "Agree to never speak of this again?"

Erza nodded with an odd look on her face, "Agreed."

Then Gajeel knocked on the door, "Hey, you two alright in there? We're pullin' into the station."

Erza requipped into her usual clothes and armor, "Yes we'll be right out."

…

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…

It was still raining as we stepped out of the station. Even though it was mid-morning according to the big clock in the middle of the train station, it was still pitch black outside with only the lights in windows, street lights and occasional pops of lightning overhead to illuminate the gloom. I manifested a pair of large Archive screens to act as an umbrella and light source before we stepped out of the train station's awning. "So, which way?" I asked.

Erza had the flier in her hand and examined it in the light from my Archive, "It says that our client lives at Whistler Manor in Thistleton, but it doesn't say where that is."

"Should we split up and look for it?" Lucy asked, "If there are any restaurants open then we can probably ask for directions."

"Excuse me, are you wizards? Judging by the giant light shield I'm guessing you are," We turned and found a young blonde woman in a business suit looking at us from beneath an umbrella.

"We are," Erza replied as she turned the flier around, "We're here about a job. Could you point us to Whistler Manor?"

The woman's eyes lit up, "Yes! I'm Jean Dark, Dr. Whistler's assistant! I was sent to meet you! Come on, I've got a magic-mobile waiting!"

…

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…

Half an hour and a drive up a winding road to a secluded ridge overlooking the valley, we found ourselves being escorted through the, I suppose entrance hall would be the term for it, of Whistler Manor to meet our client while the storm raged outside with seemingly renewed vigor. I was glad we hadn't walked, it was getting nasty out there.

Jean led us to a room littered with hunting trophies including a zebra skin rug, some horns from something that looked like it had been the size of an elephant, and a shining scaly skin that had to be thirty feet long wrapped into a large wreath. This was where we got our first glimpse of our client. He was, _exceptionally_ old to put it lightly. At a glance, I'd put him in his seventies minimum. He had a short neatly trimmed beard that stuck straight out from his chin like a knife blade and his hair stuck out similarly around the large bald patch atop his head. He had a weathered, angular face, but most of his wrinkles seemed to indicate a frequent grin. His age didn't seem to impede him any given that he was currently tied in a knot like a pretzel cracking his neck with one foot while he perched the other on top of his head.

"Doctor Whistler, you have guests," Jean chirped.

"Oh? Who is it?" He asked without opening his eyes to look.

"A group of wizards from Fairy Tail sir," Jean replied excitedly, "They're here about the job!"

Dr. Whistler's eyes opened and his gaze immediately landed on us, quickly noting our guild marks before rolling to his feet with far more limberness than his apparent age would imply. His assistant held out his robe for him without even having to be asked and he effortlessly slid his arms into it, "Well well! You don't say! Fairy Tail finally sent me some wizards eh? I must confess, I've been hoping for a group from Fairy Tail for a while now! Sit down, sit down and I'll tell you about the job."

He gestured us to a table with chairs around it, calmly seating himself at the head of it. We sat around the table and he nodded, "First off, I want to thank you for coming. This is a matter very dear to my heart."

"It's our pleasure Dr. Whistler," Erza replied with a smile, "We're happy to help."

Dr. Whistler nodded, "Weeell you might not be so pleased when I tell you that over seventy expeditions throughout the years have tried this job and most have never been heard from again."

I'm not gonna lie, _that _was a little intimidating. "Of course," Dr. Whistler added, "There were only ten wizards among those groups, and none from an accredited guild like Fairy Tail." That eased my worry a little. "I'm particularly happy to have _Fairy Tail _wizards because three of your guild's four founders were the men who recovered the artifact that's made this quest possible."

His assistant handed him a picture from the mantle and he showed it to us. It had four men, including one who looked just like Dr. Whistler clutching a battered and ancient book with an utterly giddy grin on his face, two blonde men and a tall guy who aside from his dark hair looked like he might be related to Elfman.

Dr. Whistler pointed to the man holding the book, "This man here is my grandfather, the first Dr. Whistler. He was an archaeologist who sought the legendary lost city of gold Mattachu. He never found it, but ten years before I was born, he hired a trio of young men from the Treasure Hunting Guild Sylph Labyrinth to track down that book in his hands there. The book is a diary written by the Count de Mufintopin, an ancient explorer who brought back the story of Mattachu from his ventures into the jungles of the land of Minstrel, and it contains significant details on his journey there and back. The three men from Sylph Labyrinth later went on to found a wizard's guild called Fairy Tail not long after, but sadly they were never able to get around to helping my grandfather with the hunt for Mattachu itself." I swapped a small glance with Levy, if those numbers were right, then he had to be _at least_ eighty-eight.

His old face twisted into a frown, "My grandfather believed in Mattachu with everything he had, and even though he had the Count's diary, nobody ever believed him. He was eventually cast out of the Royal Archaeological Society as a crack pot and a fool, chasing after pie in the sky day dreams. He died a laughingstock among those who should've been respecting him and hanging on his every word," He took a deep breath, "As you can imagine, that sticks in my craw a bit. My father was a business man, and I've managed to do very well for myself with the business he left me, as you see," he gestured to the manor around us, "and a fair deal of my excess wealth has gone towards encouraging, aiding and funding expeditions to find Mattachu."

He slumped back in his seat, "I really have nothing left to lose. All of this?" He gestured to the manor and everything in it, "I can't take it with me. My family are all gone, my only relative left was my grandson Miguel, and he disappeared on his own expedition to Mattachu three years ago. I can only assume he's dead at this point." He didn't stumble over it one bit, he had clearly accepted it as fact. That didn't make the obvious hurt in his voice and etched across his face any easier to bear witness to. The way Helga turned and looked away was telling too.

"My one last wish in this life, is proof. Proof that my grandfather was right so that his ghost can rest easy, and confirmation that my grandson didn't die for nothing. I'm…" he grimaced, "I'm ninety years old. I have no need of the gold, or any of this wealth I've amassed. I just…" he trembled a little, "I just want to be able to go to my grandfather's grave before I die and tell him he was right. When I see my parents and son and daughter-in-law and grandson again, I want to be able to tell them it was all real! I'll provide transportation, travel expenses, anything you feel you may need, I will happily provide it! Just please, help grant this old man his dying wish…" In that moment, Dr. Whistler looked every second of his ninety years and then some.

"Of course we will!" Erza exclaimed as she moved around to gently hug him (she didn't even bonk his head on her breastplate!), "You poor thing, of course we'll help you!"

"Right!" The rest of us chorused.

And that's how the _second_ most life altering job of my wizarding career began.

...

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...

**NEXT TIME! on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_"Then allow me to demonstrate how terrifying it can be!" I exclaimed delightedly. I snapped my fingers and a ten foot sphere of darkness erupted around us as I stepped closer to Erza, who had gone completely still in anticipation. I paused at what I thought was just outside of her arm's reach and flared light through the eye holes of my mask as I let a burst of light shine up from my hand like a flashlight to provide a scary under light to my face, "Boo."_

_**POW!**_

_Never let anyone tell you that Erza Scarlet does not have a killer right hook._


	22. Merry Christmas Deleted Scenes

**AN: _Ok! Merry Christmas to all! Unless of course you don't celebrate Christmas in which case, Happy Holiday of your choice! Or if you don't celebrate any holidays because you're just that much of a stick in the mud, congratulations here's a special chapter because I do! _**

**_For those interested, the Multipairing vs True Pairing poll is currently 16-7 in favor of Multipairing._**

**_Now that the news update's out of the way, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

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**_DarkDrawerJ:_**_ As always, glad you're still enjoying! :D Yes that was a fun little chapter to write. I was initially worried that it might be a little TOO steamy on Erza's part, but then I remembered, 'oh wait, it's Erza. Yeah, she would TOTALLY do that.'_

**_Blaze2121:_**_ Why didn't Erza bust out the succubus outfit you ask? Three reasons: Number one, I don't know what Erza's succubus outfit looks like (although I do have some rather vivid ideas on the subject *nosebleed to oblivion*). Number two, we actually get to SEE Erza try to seduce someone in 100 Year Quest, and that was the same combination she uses there. Number three, Jerry almost lost it as was. Do ya really think he could've withstood a succubus on TOP of kitty=bunny=Seduction Armor? And yes, forget steam it'll have smoke roiling off it when/if the real thing rolls around._

**_Beruit:_**_ Glad you're enjoying! Thanks for the high praise, that's exactly what I've been going for! :D I haven't spelled it out yet, but Mira and Laxus weren't a thing until right after Lisanna 'kicked the bucket' and Mira needed a shoulder to cry on. As for Laxus's power trip, I can't say much without spoilers about Laxus's future characterization, but I will say that it wasn't an issue then._

**_Raidentensho: _**_He actually already HAS his weapon, and yes, we've already seen it. He's had it since his introductory scene. Why hasn't he USED it? (chuckles) Yooou'll seeeee..._

**_Prometo:_**_ Yes to all! :D_

**_A-non-knee-moose:_**_ Ah, I see you are also a moose of culture! Yes Doc Whistler is indeed a reference to and expy of Mr. Whitmore, but did you catch the OTHER cameo in that chapter? 8D Weeell the reveal of the final pairing is still a considerable ways off yet, although like with all the red herrings, there will be numerous hints dropped prior to its confirmation. Depending on how the poll goes, I may admit who it is on Valentine's Day if 'Harem Ending' wins (we're currently at 16-7 in favor of a Harem Ending), in which case it's a moot point._

**_StraxyX:_**_ Don't know if you've made it this far yet, but in regards to your comment on Chapter 3, Jerry isn't TRYING to flirt. It wouldn't have done him any good even if he WAS trying to flirt since Mira's got one hell of a resistance to flirting after hearing it from so many guys (keep in mind she is publically acknowledged in-universe as one of the most beautiful women in Fiore). She hears it from everybody, so flirting is actually a terrible idea with her if you haven't already earned her interest. Jerry's just honest to a fault and lucky as hell._

* * *

**_And now that all that's out of the way, let's get on with the show! I'll admit, this isn't the Christmas Special I originally planned, but that one's having to be put off until next year since it would give away quite a bit of spoilers for the upcoming arcs. Strangely enough, if through some miracle I'm able to keep to my schedule, we'll actually hit Christmas in universe just in time for Christmas next year, which is also perfectly timed for the first Christmas Episode!_**

**_Sadly though, that DOES mean I had to whip up something else for this year's Christmas Special, and since it was a right pain to get this ready in time (writer's block is EVIL), it came out a bit shorter than I wanted. Then since I had the day off today, I was able to spend most of the day racking my brain on what to do, and lo and behold I managed a second one! I put them in here in reverse order to how I wrote them so they'd fall in chronological order. _**

**_I would also like to clarify that these ARE canon to the rest of the story, they are not mere omakes._**

**_I hope everyone enjoys, and if you catch the references, you have my full permission to lose your mind with excitement at the implications, and if you've been reading the Reviewer Replies, you might even be able to guess one of the blockbuster shocks of the Road to Mattachu arc._**

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**...**

**==Visitors==**

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…

I honestly found it bizarre to have so many friends over so often, my parents had been rather paranoid about guests my whole life, so it wasn't something I was used to. Now though, it seemed as though the entire guild wanted to check out my apartment. When I mentioned it to Lucy, she revealed that most of them didn't even bother to ask before entering her apartment and just popped in unannounced. "I guess they're a bit more worried about getting blown up if they sneak up on you," she mused.

Natsu and Happy dropped by the day after we moved in and only made a cursory glance around, sniffing a few times before asking where Lucy's apartment was. I pointed him upstairs and he took off with a delighted grin. I guess he was more excited to visit Lucy than me. Not that I can blame him, Lucy _is_ much friendlier, and she's gorgeous too, so there's that as well.

Cana was second. A day or two after Lucy and I got moved in, she dropped by to see the place, and she poked around everywhere. Most particularly I noted, in the fridge and cabinets. After about the tenth cabinet she opened, "Are you looking for something Cana?"

"Where's the booze?" she asked with a frown.

"I don't drink but once in a blue moon, so I don't have any," I replied dryly.

Cana looked at me in shock, "What _are _you?"

"Supremely stingy and inordinately fond of my brain cells," I replied.

"Ah, so you're a stick in the mud."

"Nooo," I replied a little peevishly, "I just don't drink often."

Cana yanked a bottle out of her purse with a grin and waved it at me, "So if you're not a stick in the mud, how about helping me kill this?"

I looked at it, "Is there enough there for both of us?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna drink like ninety percent of it anyway," she admitted, "But drinking's no fun if I'm all by myself."

I sighed with a small smile, "Alright, alright. I guess if you just need a place to crash, it's not like I've got anything better to do today."

I did actually. There was a lot I wanted to learn about the new world I was inhabiting, and I had a considerable stack of books borrowed from the Guild that I was steadily burning my way through to try and get a grasp of the world around me. Even with the Wind Reader Glasses though, it was still mostly boring, especially the friggin' encyclopedia. Informative? Yes. Entertaining? _Hell _no. An afternoon of drinking and possibly cuddling (or more!) with one of the most gorgeous women I'd ever laid eyes on was much more exciting an option.

And so drink we did! We also played a lot of cards. It started with poker (which she kicked my ass at), then Blackjack (which she also kicked my ass at), then two or three other games (all of which she kicked my ass at). It probably didn't help that she'd had _way _more than one bottle on her and was making me take a shot every hand I lost. She'd offered a kiss if I won, so I wasn't protesting the booze too hard, but suffice to say I was rather tipsy by the time she suggested strip poker.

I don't remember much of what happened after that, and all I know for _sure_ is that I woke up the next morning in nothing but my underwear with Cana on top of me on the couch in nothing but her underwear and usual bikini top. Cana looked a little surprised when she woke up, but instead of getting angry, she just smiled and gave me a good morning kiss.

Then she helped me cook breakfast and it was _not _lost on me that she didn't put her pants back on until after she'd had her breakfast while sitting in my lap. She paused on her way out the door, "Thanks Jerry. This was fun, we'll have to do it again sometime." Then she gave me a quick kiss before heading out with a wave and a smile, "See you at the Guild!"

…

Master Makarov dropped by the next day. "Heard you'd acquired an entire building. Thought I'd drop by to make sure everything was in order and safe."

I nodded and stepped back out of the doorway, more than a little embarrassed that I'd almost closed the door on him because I'd looked right over the top of his head and not seen him, "Of course, come on in."

Master walked through the kitchen, extending his arm with magic to peer into the oven to make sure the temperature lacrima was working, then the fridge and freezer. He walked to the back where the water heater was (there was only one for the whole building, but the temperature lacrima was robust enough to act as a tankless water heater capable of keeping up with everything there going simultaneously) and checked that, then he came back into my apartment and proceeded to inspect the bathroom.

After he was done checking everything, he came back to the living room/kitchen and hopped up onto the couch, turning and sitting. "Well, this is certainly a very nice place," he declared, "But there is a small matter that concerns me."

My ears pricked up immediately and he continued, "I understand you're letting Lucy rent an apartment upstairs at an extremely low rate."

I nodded, "That's right. She's my friend and helped me find this place, I'm not going to charge her full price."

Master nodded, "That's very kind of you, and I'm sure you would never use the leverage of being her landlord to gain any undue influence."

I blinked and took a second as that processed, then I went pale as I understood what he was implying, "WHAT?! NO! I'D NEVER! That joke about paying me in kisses was just me poking fun at her to make her drop the issue! I'd never ever make her actually do anything! I just didn't want her arguing for a higher rate that she wouldn't be able to afford! And I mean she _is _a great kisser, but that's not something I'd ever try to force her to do! She's my friend, the first one I made in this world! I'd honestly probably just shrug off any debts she did build up unless she was just outright taking advantage of me, and even then, I'd never call 'em like _that!_"

Master nodded, "Very good. I trust that applies to other potential tenants as well?"

"Of course! It's a moral thing not a 'she just so happens to be my friend' thing," I exclaimed.

Master nodded, "Well good, would you mind if I spread the word to other members of the guild? According to Mirajane, even what you specified as your regular rate is dirt cheap. I'm sure plenty of our members would be overjoyed to live here."

I was momentarily at a loss for words, then I thought for a moment, "I suppose it couldn't hurt. I'd prefer it be people I'm already fairly acquainted with though. I honestly hadn't even thought about the possibility of renting out the other two apartments yet, but I guess if anyone's having trouble keeping their rent up somewhere else, I could at least talk to them."

Master nodded, "We don't have any that I'm aware of right now, but I'll let you know if I catch wind of any."

I nodded, "Cool! Thanks Master!"

Master nodded and hopped off the couch with a smile, "Rightyo, well that's all for the inspection. Which apartment is Lucy's? I need to drop by and check on her too."

I directed him upstairs and less than half an hour later heard a loud shriek of "GET OUT!" followed by a loud splash from the canal. I looked out the window and saw Master climbing out of the canal, drying himself off with magic and strolling off with a cheeky looking grin on his face.

I immediately headed upstairs, pausing at the door to knock, "Lucy? It's Jerry. You okay in there?"

A moment later Lucy opened the door with a lacy red and black corset in one hand, "Oh hey Jerry. Yeah, I'm alright. Just…coming to terms with the fact that everyone in this guild is a damn pervert. I mean I was all touched and thought it was sweet when Master came by to check and make sure the apartment was in good shape and that I wasn't living in some hovel," she threw her hands up in exasperation, "and then he just goes poking through my underwear drawer! I mean, serious…ly…"

It was right about then that she realized she still had the corset in her hand. For a split second, she _froze, _her eyes locked on it with the most hilariously gobsmacked expression. She immediately hid it behind her back as she blushed utterly crimson.

I tactfully cleared my throat, "Well, I'm glad you're alright. You know that I'll come running if I ever hear you scream like that right?"

If anything, she blushed a little redder at that, only now she was smiling, "Thanks Jerry. I really appreciate it. Um, I was about to have lunch, you want to come in?"

I smiled, "Sure! What's cookin'?"

…

The day I unlocked Crash Magic, Elfman dropped by right before lunch and declared my very utilitarian abode to be quite manly. I gave him a thumbs up and grimaced as he sat down on the couch, apparently intent on staying for a while. He looked at the books, "You sure do have a lot of books. Why don't you do something more manly, like lifting weights?"

I sighed, "Because the training regime I use doesn't require excessive weights as it's designed to enhance speed, precision and control more than raw strength. Martial arts are designed for anyone to be able to use, and thus do not require excessive brute strength."

"Oh?" Elfman asked, his curiosity piqued, "So what kind of workouts do you do?"

"Pushups, sit-ups, jumps and various flexibility exercises on top of simply executing my techniques in increasingly rapid repetitions and varied combinations. I'd do chin-ups but I don't have anything sufficiently sturdy here to hang my full body weight off of," I ticked off, "Really though, the guild hall brawls have been providing plenty of practice."

"So…does that work?"

"I was regional grand champ for 17 year old males the last year I competed," I answered honestly, "And our dojo routinely took home the overall number one spot."

Elfman wound up staying through lunch as we swapped stories and exercise tips, then we headed over to the guild together to see if anything interesting was happening.

…

Levy, Jet and Droy dropped by the day after I was allowed to go home with my injuries. I was still crashed on the couch with my head leaned back and everything from the waist up wrapped in bandages. I was on the couch so that I didn't have to get up to snag things out of the kitchen with my telekinesis. I had never realized how prone I was to eating with my right hand until I had to consciously use my left one.

I was in the middle of forcing myself to focus as I attempted a telekinetic drawing for the first time. I'd always wondered about the implications of telekinesis for the world, now that I actually had it and nothing better to do, I was quite determined to find out. Thankfully I caught their mental signatures before they knocked and I was able to wave my charcoal dust back into its jar rather than having it explode, "Come on in, it's open."

Levy immediately zeroed in on my attempts at charcoal rendering from memory with telekinesis and demanded to know what it was. I picked up a picture that I'd managed to pull off with my telekinesis and floated it over to her, "That's Fuyuki Japan. Super duper packed and skyscrapers everywhere higher than you'd believe. I've only been there once, and I don't remember much of it, but I don't think I'll ever forget this view."

They only stayed for a little while, apparently they were on their way out of town on a job and had just stopped by to check in on me, but they turned out to be the first of many. No less than a dozen people from the Guild dropped by to check on me that day. It may have been a little tiresome to have to deal with so many people, especially in my apartment, and I didn't make much progress on my telekinetic control, but when I started to drift off to sleep that night, I realized I didn't mind. It, actually made me kind of happy when I stopped to think about it.

Then someone knocked on the door and I was just about to take that thought back when I realized it was Mira dropping by to check on me on her way home for the night. I actually wound up going to sleep with an even _bigger_ smile.

…

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…

**==Legend==**

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…

==July 18th==

"Long ago, in a time near forgotten, when man had only just recently become more than beast and had only just begun to band together into what is now called civilization, back before the concept of separate nations existed, there was a king. Because all of mankind was united within that single nation called Babylon, centered in the great city of Uruk, the King of Uruk was king of all mankind and thus had the attention of the gods. Wanting to maintain their influence, the Gods decreed that the king was to marry a goddess, and from their union was born a son. This son was the first demigod, and he was blessed with seemingly limitless talent, strength and cleverness. Should he apply himself in the slightest, no matter the domain of his interest, he would surely excel to the greatest limits. When his father the king passed away while he was still young, and with his mother having returned to Heaven, the son became king.

The people rejoiced at his kingship, for they knew that he was capable of ruling well. The young king was brilliant in all regards, but all too soon he became obsessed with worldly pleasures. His eyes became clouded with greed and his heart blackened with arrogance. All that existed in the world was his, for he was king of all mankind, and so all that mankind made was by rights his. He set out to collect everything, and he took all the worlds treasures for himself. If it had a shred of value that he could see, it was immediately thrown into his treasury. Whether or not he had any use for it mattered not, it was treasure and all treasures were to be his.

If he saw a treasured lover, his thought was that she must be his. He would snatch women away from their lovers and take them for himself until he grew bored of them and sent them back to their lives. If he saw a treasured tool, or anything which he did not already have a sample of, he took it without hesitation. If it were precious metal or gems, it became his. He was king of all, there was no questioning his commands even though the people suffered and starved under his rule.

The gods saw this and were displeased, for the king neglected not only the people but the gods as well. The temples were stripped of anything which could be considered valuable to better line the king's palace, and the offerings were reduced to naught but scraps from the king's table. This angered the gods terribly, so they sent an emissary to punish the king.

"This emissary was granted the power of the Chains of Heaven called Enkidu, and this gave him life, so he was called Enkidu as well. Enkidu knew nothing of man, he had only just been born, so he was sent a tutor in the sacred priestess Shamhat, a woman of great beauty. For seven nights and six days, Shamhat taught Enkidu, and when he had been taught, Shamhat led him into Uruk. Upon seeing the young King's cruelty and tyrannical nature, Enkidu challenged the king.

For days on end they fought tirelessly, the king using magic to call forth the treasured contents of his vault and flinging them like arrows as Enkidu turned the very earth around them into the mighty Chains of Heaven. When finally the vault was empty and Enkidu was down to the final links of his chains, the king and Enkidu fell onto their backs and laughed. From this almighty clash the two forged a mighty friendship.

From Enkidu's influence the king grew kinder, for Enkidu was kind and to see unkindness was saddening to him. As Enkidu was the king's only friend, the king went out of his way to be kinder so as to not sadden his friend. As the years went by, they grew ever closer, and with their unfathomable strength they staved off many catastrophes. The king continued to collect his treasures, but he was no longer cruel, and his people were once again happy.

Impressed by his feats and enamored with his wealth and strength, the goddess of love and war, Ishtar the Princess of the Gods, came to the king with a proposal of marriage. However, the king was aware of the goddess's cruel and whimsical nature, and so he rejected her advances.

Outraged by his rejection, Ishtar demanded permission from her father, the King of the Gods, to send punishment upon the king and by extension all of Uruk. The King agreed and Ishtar unleashed Gugalanna, the mighty Bull of Heaven who was considered a catastrophic entity even amongst the gods who only Ishtar could tame. Gugalanna was as tall as a mountain, his fur was as a storm front and lightning roared from his eyes as his horns plowed up rivers. With his mighty thrashing and fury, he would bring a flood to drown all of Uruk.

Or at least he would have…had the king and Enkidu not intercepted him. For seven years Gugalanna raged, but together the king and Enkidu bound and slew him. The clouds that had covered the earth receded and the great flood that had threatened the world dried up and fell back into the sea. It was the greatest of victories and the king and Enkidu were praised as the great guardians of mankind.

Their joy was not to last though, for Ishtar's reputation had been sullied further by their rebuffing of her punisher. In rejecting her the king had earned her scorn, in slaying her mighty champion Gugalanna, he earned her unyielding wrath. Ishtar demanded that the king and Enkidu be punished for so insulting her, and the gods agreed, for in scorning her and defeating the gods' greatest destroyer, the king and Enkidu had broken the yoke of the gods upon humanity altogether. They had no force greater than Gugalanna, so as long as mankind had the king and Enkidu, they had nothing to fear from the gods. For the gods this was a catastrophe no less than what they had sought to unleash upon Uruk, and so they agreed to punish the king and Enkidu.

The king could not be so easily killed, for to do so would send humanity spiraling back into chaos which was no more pleasing to the gods than to have man be free of their control. Even beyond that, the king had proven his strength when he defeated Gugalanna, so his premature death could not be arranged even by the gods. Enkidu on the other hand, was not so lucky. Being that he had been created by the gods, he could also be unmade by them, and so he was turned back into the clay from whence he'd come. He died in the king's arms.

In those last few moments, as his life was fading, Enkidu thanked the king for being his friend, but told him not to weep as he assured the king that he would find many more such treasured friends if he tried. The king in his grief disagreed and told Enkidu that he would forever be his only friend, that way his value would never decrease in the slightest. Enkidu died before he could change the king's mind and thus the vow to never have another who he called friend was etched forevermore upon the king's heart.

After Enkidu's death, the king was struck with a profound fear of his mortality. He had long desired to see humanity through to the end, but now with Enkidu's death weighing heavily upon his mind, he realized that as a mortal he could not. So he abandoned his post and wandered the world for many years, until he finally learned of one who had attained immortality. He ventured into the underworld to seek out this hermit, and learned to his horror that the hermit had only escaped death by casting aside his humanity. This was an unacceptable route to the king and so he was about to give up on immortality.

However, as he was about to leave, the hermit told him of another way to achieve immortality. Even deeper within the underworld he said, there was an herb, the root of which would allow him to live as long as he wanted should he consume it.

Taking heart in the ancient hermit's words, the king ventured to the deepest depths of the underworld. After much searching, he found the herb and headed home, overjoyed that he might live long enough to see humanity through to the very end. However, as he was making his way home, he realized that in his fervor to find a way to cheat death, he had neglected his body and was now terribly weary. He stopped at a spring and took a bath, groaning in pleasure as the weariness left him. But in his moment of respite, a hungry serpent found the herb that granted life and ate it.

The king cried out in horror as his prize was swallowed, snatched away right before his eyes. Then, to the king's surprise, the snake shed its skin and was born anew, the first of its kind to ever do so. The king laughed as he understood that the herb granted youth rather than eternal life and that his quest had been completely in vain. Yet at the same time, it wasn't.

For in that moment, upon seeing the snake shed its skin, the king realized that he didn't have to live forever to ensure humanity's future. He would never fully get over the death of his friend, but never again would he let it crush him so. He went home to Uruk and resumed his duties as king, working tirelessly to ensure the future of humanity, putting his wisdom and gifts to use for the betterment of all his people, for he had come to realize that they were his greatest treasure. Forever after he was remembered as the first hero whose story _was_ remembered. He was known forever after as the King of Heroes, the one and only, King Gilgamesh."

…

* * *

…

Lucy and Levy started as they realized they had only just then heard the king's name for the first time. Then Levy asked, "So, did the king ever make another friend?"

I opened my mouth to reply and drew a blank. The answer had _been there _just a second before, I was sure of it! But now… "Ya know, I feel like there was more to it, but I can't for the life of me remember it." The back of my right hand suddenly itched, so I scratched it through the bandages.

Levy pouted, "Come ooon, surely you can remember!"

I frowned at her, "No, I really can't." I racked my brain in silence for a few moments anyways and came up with a frustrating blank. I could almost _feel _the hole in my memory, but that was supposed to be impossible with Archive…right?

"So what did King Gilgamesh look like?" Lucy asked, "He must've been really handsome if the Goddess of Love fell for him."

"Golden hair, red eyes, wore a vest and a turban and big floofy pants," I declared without a moment's hesitation, "You could tell he was from a different era, and even more you could tell that he was _important_ just by looking at him. Pride oozed off every inch of him but there was just as much surety that he had earned every scrap of it."

Lucy and Levy both blinked at me in surprise and I blinked as it hit me just how _sure _I sounded. I put hand to my head and started scratching through the bandages as though that might help me get a better look in my minds eye at that hole in my memory. That same hole that wasn't supposed to exist and kept slipping through my fingers every time I felt like I almost had it, but for all that I couldn't pin a single thing about it down, I was growing increasingly sure it was there.

"You almost sound like you met him," Levy pointed out cautiously.

"I know, but I can't remember, and he was _not _the sort of person you'd ever forget meeting and _HOW DO I KNOW THAT?!_" I wanted to throw my broken arm to my head to that I could scratch furiously with both hands because now my whole scalp was itching like mad, but at the same time, the back of my right hand was going equally mad and I wanted to bite it to make it quit itching, "_GAAAH WHY AM I SO ITCHY?! AND WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER?!"_

I yanked out my cards with my magic and started using their hardened corners to viciously scratch at my bandages with enough force to somewhat mitigate my horrid itch. As the itch began to subside, "Ok, Levy, it's your turn to tell a story right? Maybe taking my mind off of it will make this itch go away."

Levy blinked and then racked her brain for a moment before, "Ah I know! How about the tale of Sir Ban and the Fairy Elaine?"

* * *

==Later==

That evening as Lucy and I were walking home from the Guild Hall, Lucy asked, "So have you been able to remember anything?"

"About?"

"King Gilgamesh," Lucy clarified, "It seemed really personal for you."

The itch started up again. "The way I can't remember, it's almost like there's some sort of magic induced block in my memory," I mused as I scratched at the back of my hand, "But that's impossible because there was no magic in my world, and memory alteration, especially something capable of circumventing Archive, would require magic."

Lucy was quiet for a moment, "You seemed like you really liked that story, and it seems like you really respect King Gilgamesh, but something I didn't notice until the end of it, you never mentioned his name when you were talking about his time before he met Enkidu and the adventure after it."

I nodded, "That's because he wasn't the King of Heroes then. It wasn't until he after his revelation that he became the hero who was remembered for being the first and greatest of all heroes. The time with Enkidu and the adventure leading up to that revelation were important because those are what made him into the hero he became."

"So…he wasn't as much of a hero before that?"

I shook my head, "Definitely not. When he was a kid he was good, but between then and meeting Enkidu he was a horrible tyrant, everything the man he grew into would've despised. When he was with Enkidu he was better, but only because Enkidu was there and good enough to more than balance him out. It wasn't until after his quest for the immortality that King Gilgamesh understood the lesson that Enkidu was trying to teach him."

"And after he learned the lesson?"

"He was a good king," I replied before explaining, "he kept his kingdom in the best order he could. Everyone he could help, he did. Those who could grow to be better than they were, he encouraged to do so and directed them on their way to become greater. He pretended that he was only doing it because it made him better, and in his eyes, he was, but to him the king's glory was the people's glory, and their achievements were his. It's like saying the body's works are the achievement of the mind, but at the same time the mind is nothing without the body to support it. So he promoted his people and himself at the same time because they were his people but he was _their _king. He was thoughtful and treated his subjects with understanding, presenting himself at all times as an example of how they should strive to be. He took pride in his people and they took pride in him and as a result both parties took even more pride in themselves."

I grinned, "If I were ever to be a king, that's how I'd try to rule. In fact, that's how I try to be anyway. Treat everyone with understanding, and have the patience and wisdom to work through and overcome anything with enough pride to keep my head up no matter how bad things look."

"Maybe that's why you remember it so well," Lucy mused, "He became everything you want to be."

I pondered that for a second and then smiled, "Yeah, I guess he is, isn't he?"

...

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**NEXT TIME on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_..._

_Gajeel and I had managed to stop laughing about five minutes later, but we still had very large grins plastered across our faces. Then Levy's voice bounced through my head, "Hey Jerry? Am I doing this right?"_

_I sat bolt upright and looked around, quickly pinpointing her location half a mile away (by no means an unimpressive broadcast distance, especially for a beginner), "When did you learn Archive?! And you don't have to talk out loud you can just think it now that the connection's established."_


	23. Ch19: Heart Kreuz

**AN: ****_Ok, and now for our regularly scheduled update! _**

**_..._**

**_What? You thought I wasn't going to post an actual chapter this week because it was Christmas? The Holiday most about giving? Ha! What silliness! Of course I'm posting a regular chapter this week in addition to the holiday special! Also, kinda bummed me out that only one person said anything about that special. :/ Seriously, there were some pretty huge hints about some pretty huge stuff in there!_**

**_Ah well, anyway, here we go! Reviewer Reply!_**

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**_DarkDrawerJ: _**_I'm very pleased you enjoyed! And thank you for being that chapter's sole commenter thus far! I hope you had a very merry Christmas/holiday of your choice!_

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_..._

**_MAN THAT WAS QUICK..._**

**_Ok, let's get this show on the road!_**

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**_..._**

Chapter 19 – Heart Kruez

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"HOW?! IN THE HELL?! DID YOUR FLAME BRAIN ASS _WORK UP_ **_TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FOUR MILLION JEWELS WORTH OF DEBT?!_**_"_ Gajeel roared in consternation at Natsu.

We were at a small tavern in Thistleton. Our train south was set to depart later that evening, and now that the storm had rained itself out, it had left a nice cool air about the town and the sun was even starting to peek through in places. I'd even have hazarded a guess that it was to be the first of many crisp autumn mornings. The girls had gone shopping for some fresh attire for the desert and then jungle treks Dr. Whistler had informed us were in store. Being guys, we were willing to forge on in what we already had, but Erza, as I later learned, was more than a little bit of a hoarder when it came to armor, clothes and basically anything she could stuff into her Requip space, and Levy and Lucy weren't opposed to a little shopping either.

Apparently Thistleton was something of a hotspot for the clothing industry as I had learned when Erza made quite possibly the most disturbing and high pitched sound I had never wanted to know she could make. While Natsu, Gajeel and Happy clutched their ears in googly-eyed pain, I tried to unclench my muscles from the tree branch I'd wrapped them around ten feet off the ground. Down on the ground, Erza had excitedly explained to Levy and Lucy that Thistleton was apparently the home of her favorite clothing and armor brand, Heart Kreuz.

I finally managed to pry myself free from the tree branch I was hanging from like a three-toed sloth and dropped back to the ground as Levy and Lucy developed hearts in their eyes at the way Erza was hyping the local clothing industry, "Okay, so Erza wants to go clothes shopping. You want me, Natsu, Gajeel and Happy to go and get some train tickets while you ladies do that? We can meet back at that restaurant over there. I'll let you know with my Archive when the train's leaving."

Now almost an hour later with our train not departing until that afternoon, I sat with two dragon slayers and a cat at the bar in a small tavern trying not to grin while one dragon slayer berated the other for being a reckless idiot and the reckless idiot's flying cat sniggered around a fish he was eating. A part of me idly mused that it sounded like the start of a joke, _Three wizards, two dragon slayers and a talking cat walk into a bar…_

Then the bartender asked if we wanted any drinks. Gajeel replied that he really needed a Bloody Irene, which was apparently tomato juice and vodka, the same as a Bloody Mary back home. The bartender proceeded to plonk an apple on the bar. All three of us looked at the apple in confusion and then Gajeel looked up at the bartender, "Uh dude, I said a Bloody Irene. You know, the tomato juice and the vodka? I could understand if it were a tomato soaked in vodka, that would actually be kinda cool…but this is an _apple_."

The bartender nodded, "Yep, just bite into it."

Gajeel took the apple, looked at it skeptically, looked at the bartender and then bit into it. He chewed for a moment with a thoughtful frown, "Holy shit, this tastes like tomato juice…"

The bartender nodded, "Yep, now turn it over."

Gajeel eyed him skeptically and then did so before declaring after another bite that it tasted like vodka. He looked at the bartender in surprise, "How da hell'd you do dat?"

"Magic," the bartender told him cheekily before pointing to me, "Next?"

I grinned, "I'll have some whiskey and have you got anything fizzy and kinda bittersweet to put with it?"

Bartender nodded, "Royal and Wiz it is." So saying, he plonked another apple on the bar.

I blinked at it and then I picked it up, "Not sure I believe you ya know." Then I bit into it and after chewing for a moment just to make sure, "Alright there's the whiskey…" _but there's no way in hell you made the other side of this taste like coke,_ I thought to myself. So thinking, I turned it over and bit into the other side. I chewed for a moment and then gave the bartender a flat look as I registered the unmistakable taste of coca-cola, "Alright, I admit it, you're good."

The bartender nodded, clearly pleased, "Yep." He pointed to Happy, "Next?"

"Have you got a fish that tastes like Tuna and Salmon?" Happy asked with big wide eyes. "Yep." _Plonk._ Another apple. Happy bit into it and he looked like he was almost in tears as he bit into the other side of it, "It's _beautiful…"_

The bartender grinned and looked at Natsu, "Alright brother man, whatcha want?"

Natsu thought about it for a minute, "Have you got an apple that tastes like pussy?"

The rest of us spewed apple everywhere and shouted in unison, "NATSU!"

The bartender's reply? "_Yep."_ PLONK. Another apple.

As Gajeel, Happy and I stared, Natsu eagerly snatched it up and bit into it, only to immediately spit it right back out, "WHAT THE HELL MAN?! THIS TASTES LIKE ASS!"

"Turn it over."

…

That took a split second to register and then Gajeel and I nearly fell off our barstools laughing. The bartender was grinning from ear to ear and Happy was tearfully demanding to know why Natsu would want to eat a cat. Gajeel and I were laughing _way _too hard to help Natsu explain it to the poor fuzzball.

Gajeel and I had managed to stop laughing about five minutes later, but we still had very large grins plastered across our faces. Then Levy's voice bounced through my head, "Hey Jerry? Am I doing this right?"

I sat bolt upright and looked around, quickly pinpointing her location half a mile away (by no means an unimpressive broadcast distance, especially for a beginner), "When did you learn Archive?! And you don't have to talk out loud you can just think it now that the connection's established."

_You didn't think I was going to pass up a chance to boost my ninety eight percent retention rate that last two percent did you? Of course I learned Archive! If I'd known we had a book on it I would've learned it years ago! Do you have any idea how satisfying it's going to be to finally kick that smug pretty boy Hibiki Late's ass in a trivia competition?!_

I quirked an eyebrow, _Someone can beat YOU in a trivia competition? For that matter, you do trivia competitions?_

I got the distinct impression of a pout as Levy replied, _Yes I do! It's a hobby that I happen to excel at._ I waited a moment and raised a finger to forestall Gajeel, Natsu and Happy's questions as Levy continued, _Anyway, would you three mind coming over here? We want second opinions._

I was suddenly very VERY glad that Archive could only transmit what I _wanted _it to transmit as utterly delightful images started racing through my head about what they might be wanting second opinions _on._ I smacked myself in both sides of my head and tried to clear my head so that none of that got transmitted and found a message from Levy in my mental "inbox": _No we are not trying on lingerie._

I suddenly found myself wondering if I had transmitted unintentionally and then shook my head and sent back, _Aw…eh whatever I'll ask Gajeel and Natsu and we'll probably be there in a few minutes._

_Great!_

Levy shut down the link and I shook myself slightly, "The girls are trying on new outfits and would like our opinions. Not lingerie unfortunately, but I am still not one to refuse beautiful ladies wanting to show off a little."

"Why would I want to look at Erza?" Natsu asked with a confused frown.

"Do ya wanna look at that little blondie o' yers that looks like a younger bouncier version of Anna-sensei?" Gajeel asked with a sly grin.

Natsu flushed as pink as his hair, "Good point." I couldn't help but nod in agreement as I thought, _although really I think they're all extremely easy on the eyes._

"Anna-sensei?" I asked curiously as I forked over some jewel for my apple.

"The woman who taught us how to read and write," Gajeel clarified, "Flame-brain there had a _huge _crush on her."

Natsu sputtered and stammered, trying to deny it and then Gajeel cut him off, "Oh please, you were runnin' around like a chicken with its head cut off pickin' flowers for Wendy and the lady dragons for _hours_ because you got flowers for Anna-sensei and not Wendy or any of them. Even _Sting _was laughin' at ya!"

Natsu sulled up and pouted. After a minute he grumbled, "I like blondes. It's a fire dragon thing. Sue me."

"Actually please don't," I deadpanned to the bartender as I paid for Natsu's apple as well, "As Gajeel pointed out, he's up so far past his ears in debt it's not even funny."

"THAT REMINDS ME!" Gajeel barked, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"

"He burned down half of Hargeon fighting with a slave trader that knew magic a little over a month ago," I declared bluntly, "Granted most of it was the slave trader's doing, but given Natsu's ability to eat fire, he could've probably completely neutralized the damage since the guy was a fire wizard."

"BUT HIS FLAMES TASTED LIKE SHIT!" Natsu protested.

"And would you eat them again for a hundred million jewel?" I asked with a polite smile.

"WELL YEAH WHO WOULDN'T?!"

"Because I checked with Master Makarov and Hargeon accounted for almost _a hundred and seventy million_ of your debt. You wouldn't be half as deep in the hole as you are right now if you'd just nommed his attacks, kept after him until he ran out of power and punched him in the face." I told him flatly. Natsu deflated immediately. I sighed, "Well come on, we don't want to keep those three waiting."

…

* * *

…

I'd gotten us to the Heart Kreuz…it couldn't be called a mere _store_…the Heart Kreuz _emporium_… in pretty good time. Now Natsu, Happy, Gajeel and I were sharing a bench outside a dressing room. The girls were in a changing room behind a curtain.

"Why are we doing this again?" Gajeel rumbled quietly.

Then Levy stepped out in a black leotard with gray tights underneath, fingerless gloves, black boots and a denim jacket. I could tell from the way Gajeel's jaw dropped that his question was thoroughly answered, but I grinned anyway, _"__That's _why."

"Point," Gajeel replied numbly, his eyes the size of saucers and totally locked on our resident bookworm.

Levy grinned and did a little twirl, pausing with her back to us so she could shoot a wink over her shoulder, "So, how do I look?"

Gajeel looked like a fish out of water and I grinned mischievously as Natsu and Happy started questioning his well being. His stunned expression was very clearly not lost on Levy whose smug little grin suddenly turned mischievous. She skipped across to us and got right up in Gajeel's face with an immense smirk as she laid a finger to his chest, "Like what you see?"

Gajeel let go a breath I hadn't realized he was holding, his eyes totally locked on Levy, "Whoa…"

Levy's grin grew and she held his gaze for just a minute more before whirling away from him, the air of daring and absolutely enticing confidence disappearing in an instant as she went back to her usual lightheartedly bubbly self, "Hey Erza! Lucy! I definitely need at least three sets of this!"

Then she skipped back through the curtain and all three of us stared after her. After a moment I broke the silence, "Black Canary huh? She didn't strike me as a martial arts type at all!"

My three fellow bench sitters looked at me, "Huh?"

"Oh, Black Canary's a character from a series of stories where I'm from. She's a superhero who specializes in hand to hand combat and has a super-scream that can bring down buildings if she really wants to," I explained, "That outfit Levy was wearing was a dead-on replica of what Black Canary usually wears."

"Levy can actually be _really _scary when she wants to be. Not quite as bad as Erza, but not far behind her either," Natsu mused before adding, "She doesn't get into the guild brawls often, and even then, she usually uses her magic to trick people and trip them up. I've only ever seen her get actually _angry_ once."

"What happened?" Gajeel asked curiously.

"She kicked Natsu across the Guild Hall, flipped Gray into a table so hard it broke and put Elfman on the ground begging her to let go in about three seconds. There's a _reason _everybody leaves her alone when the brawls start," Happy explained with a grin, "Erza taught her when they were little because Mirajane was teaching…" He trailed off and shot a worried glance at Natsu who looked like he'd just taken a punch in the feels.

It was only a momentary pause, but it was there. Then Happy picked back up, "Anyway, Mira and Erza were always going at it and when Mira was teaching somebody Erza had to do it too. So Levy would up learning how to fight from Erza and now nobody's stupid enough to make her angry. Plus Levy's super nice and everybody likes her so nobody wants to be mean to her anyway. I've never seen her act sexy like that though, she must liiiiike you!" Happy giggled.

Gajeel unwittingly rewarded Happy's teasing by blushing as pink as Natsu's hair, which was indeed kind of hilarious, "Y-you really think so?" There was nothing at all funny about the sheer longing and hope in his voice though, so I elected not to laugh at him.

Happy on the other hand is an ill-mannered little shit with a mean streak and the maturity of a bratty eight year old (which technically he was), so he immediately seized upon the opportunity to mock the iron dragon, dismissively waving his hand, "Nah, Levy's _way _too nice for a big smelly brute like you."

If Natsu and I hadn't been there to restrain him, I'm pretty sure Gajeel would've popped Happy's head right off his fuzzy blue shoulders for that. Even _with _us there, Happy's wings and practice at running away from people he'd infuriated were probably all that saved him.

"_Calm! Down! Gajeel!_" I ground out as I struggled to hold the full nelson I'd wrapped him in when I saw him lunge for the blue fluff ball while Natsu tried to hold him back from the front. It was vaguely unsettling that Gajeel wasn't even staggering with a hundred and sixty pounds on his back. _Note to self, never let Gajeel land a solid hit._ "He's just trying to rile you up! Ignore him and I'll help ya paint him pink later, but if you go on a rampage in here tryin' to catch him, the girls'll kill all three of us! You don't want Levy to see you rampaging like some kind of monster do ya?!"

It really said something about how interested in Levy he was that Gajeel immediately froze and settled down. "Tch, ya got a point," Gajeel growled, "Little blue turd ain't worth my time." Then he glanced over his shoulder at me, "Are you gonna let go?" I let go and slid back to the ground, I hadn't realized he was _that _much bigger than me.

I raised my hands in a peaceful gesture, "Sorry, sorry."

"Well, if you boys are done contemplating the best way to skin the cat," Lucy drawled from the curtain, "How do I look?"

I glanced over and my eyes went as wide as Gajeel's had a moment before. Lucy was wearing a black body suit that covered everything but her head and neck. It looked like it might've been leather at a glance, but the way Lucy was able to move around in it proved that whatever it was under that subtle matte black armor plating all over it, it wasn't leather. What caught my eye the most though was that it was a _form fitting _black body suit that showed off her curves to the absolute max. There was white fur poking up from the inside around the collar and really the only thing missing was a mask. I blinked as it hit me, "First Black Canary and now Black _Cat_, I'm starting to wonder if Heart Kruez's designer has been to my world."

Everyone looked at me in surprise, "Huh?"

I pointed at Lucy's outfit, "That's nearly identical to the outfit worn by a very famous comic book character, just like the one Levy was wearing a minute ago. Also yes, you look stunning in that."

Lucy smiled and twisted a little to look at herself from every angle she could, "Yeah I was thinking about getting this as a battle suit for when we go on jobs. It cleans itself with magic, it's got heat regulation lacrima in it so that it won't get too hot or cold no matter what I wear it in, and it's enchanted to harden whenever any substantial impact hits it. It'll basically paralyze me for a split second, but it'll also make everything but my head indestructible to physical attacks. You would not _believe _what all they've tested this against. Even _Erza_ couldn't break through it on the demonstration dummy. _And!_" she added with a grin as she pulled up a hood from under the fur on the collar, revealing it to have a pair of stitched on cat ears, "It also has this super cute hood that heightens my hearing and lets me see in the dark when I have it up!"

I shot her a thumbs up with a grin, "Sounds like a winner to me!"

Gajeel nodded his approval, "Looks good on ya girly."

"Definitely!" Natsu agreed eagerly, "Have they got another one?! Everyone should have an Erza-proof suit!"

All three of us looked at him and Lucy sighed, "Un…fortunately it's also super expensive. I don't think I can afford it."

"How expensive?" I asked warily.

"Even wholesale because we're here at the factory it's a hundred thousand jewels," Lucy groaned, "I _could _get it, but it would _totally _wipe me out. There's no way I'd be able to afford my rent next month!"

I blinked and then told her flatly, "Lucy if all you're worried about is your rent, I'm pretty sure your landlord would prefer to have you alive, healthy and a little behind on a rent that he told you upfront there was no need for you to have rather than injured or even dead because you passed up a chance at a top of the line battle suit. Besides," I added brightly as Lucy looked at me in surprise, "we may not even be back by next month!"

Gajeel looked at me kinda sideways, "Eh dude, not sure if you know this, but that's kiiinda not how rent works."

"It is since I'm her landlord," I replied smugly and was immediately rewarded with a look of dawning realization and excitement on Lucy's face, "I own the apartment building we live in. Bought it when we moved in."

Gajeel looked at Natsu, looked at me. He looked at Lucy, back at Natsu, back at me, "You and her are livin' together?"

"No," I replied, "she has one of the two upstairs apartments, I have one of the two downstairs. She needed a place to stay and since she helped me find the place, I offered her one of the apartments when I bought it. I wasn't even gonna charge her but she insisted on it. So if she needs a bit of slide on next month's rent to keep herself alive on a decade quest," I shrugged dismissively with a grin, "_eh._"

Gajeel thought about that for a moment, "You wouldn't happen to have a room to rent would ya? I'm looking for something in the area."

"Twenty five thousand a month, due on the second, your choice of upstairs or downstairs," I told him, "We're about a twenty minute walk from the guild hall, fifteen from the market and your best bet on food after sundown is the guild hall. Be forewarned, Natsu's prone to entering without asking and I haven't really installed any measures to prevent that yet. Lucy and I usually settle for throwing him out."

Gajeel thought about it for a moment, "Would I have to sign a contract or anything?"

I shrugged, "Eh, if you skip out on your rent too much, I'll just use a portal to dump the entire contents of your apartment in the woods. As for duration of stay, doesn't bother me much. You can pay for however long you want to stay up front or do it on a month-to-month basis like Lucy. If you find something else and want to move out, I'll give back an amount proportional to the amount of the month left. There shouldn't be any need for contracts between friends, although, if it were me, I'd do like Natsu and find a place to build a house. You'd be a little farther from the guild, but there's no substitute for having your own place."

"So why didn't ya?" Gajeel asked curiously.

"Didn't know enough magic at the time," I replied simply, "All I could do when I bought the place was a bit of card magic and blow stuff up. If you want some help, I'm sure we can help build you a place when we get back from the mission."

"Are ya any good at buildin'?" Gajeel asked curiously.

"My dad's whole family was construction workers, I've learned a heck of a lot from having to help when they decided to do stuff themselves. If I didn't have magic it would be a hell of a task, but seein' as how I _do_, it shouldn't be a problem. Especially if I've got you and Natsu to help."

"You want Natsu, to help with construction?" Erza asked as she stepped out from behind the curtain in a short lilac colored kimono and black stockings with her hair up.

I took about three seconds to get over how freaking _gorgeous_ she was, rebooted my brain, contemplated how bloody unfair it was that she could blindside me with her beauty like that, and shook my head a little to recover, "Yeah. I need fire to bake bricks. With my magic I can get the other materials, but fire magic is one thing I don't have a way to generate except for my explosive light magic, which isn't at all suited for precision work. Speaking of, where _is _Natsu?"

It was then that we realized Natsu and Happy had slipped off to who knew where. Gajeel sniffed and then pointed, "That way, over near the armory."

Erza thought about that for a second and then face palmed, "Of course, the forge."

"Forge?" Gajeel asked with perhaps a little too much interest.

"Any metal you eat you have to pay for," Erza glared between her fingers.

Gajeel drew himself up indignantly, "I know that! I was _askin' _because the higher the quality of the iron or steel I eat the more power I get from it! A fancy place like this is bound to have some top notch steel in their armory! I always stop by armories if I can find 'em because if I can buy even a few pounds of high quality steel then it'll be a perfect emergency power supply for me in the event we get in over our heads! You know how Natsu gets stronger when he eats flames? Steel is to me what a roaring bonfire is to him, so of course I'm interested in a forge!"

Erza looked rather abashed and bowed slightly, "Of course, my apologies. I've grown so used to Natsu's foolishness that I assumed you would act the same way. You may strike me for my foolishness if you wish."

Gajeel shrugged, "Ok." I shot him a surprised glance and then _CLANG!_ In a movement almost too fast to see, Erza was holding her head with her eyes scrunched shut and Gajeel was shaking his hand with a grimace, "What the _hell _is your head made of woman?! Iron's not that hard! That was like punchin' a friggin' dragon…"

"Your punch is quite impressive as well," Erza replied as she cracked an eye with an odd little grimace twitching across her face, "I've been hit with clubs that I didn't feel that much."

Any further conversation was cut short by the sound of Natsu's deranged cackle echoing through the largely empty warehouse. All three of us went pale and then Gajeel took off shouting, "Don't worry! I'll get him!"

"Try not to get us thrown out!" Erza called after him. There was no reply and she sighed, "Do you think he'll be able to restrain Natsu?"

"He's Natsu's big brother, I think if anybody can it's Gajeel," I replied, "I just hope he can do it without makin' a scene…"

"Yes…" Erza mused, then she glanced at me, "So, how do I look?"

I looked and she hit me with that little smile and I wound up on the ground looking at the ceiling again. I sat up grimacing as Erza blushed and smiled and pretended she hadn't done that on purpose, "Erza Scarlet you could wear _anything _and look stunning in it, so that is a completely moot question. Any time you ask me how you look, the answer is going to be _gorgeous._ I might not say it, but I'm thinking it. What you _should_ be asking is how that looks on you, and the answer is that the lilac color highlights your hair nicely without clashing, it appears to fit you well and doesn't show off an indecent amount which would draw you unwanted stares, wolf whistles and hands from those too stupid to know better. It also looks like you'll be able to move around in it very well so I'd say it's a keeper unless it gives you an unpleasant draft in places you don't want to talk about, in which case you can change in an instant, so again, moot point. Long story short…"

Erza looked slightly taken aback as I paused to take a breath, so I prefaced my conclusion with an admittedly quite genuine smile, "You look amazing Erza."

Erza blushed, smiled in a shy sort of way that made my heart do a weird little number and nearly sent me toppling over backwards again, "Well then, I guess I'm getting this one." A flicker of movement at the curtain as Erza turned to head back to it gave away the fact that Lucy and Levy had been listening in on the conversation.

After that it was Levy's turn again, and she did not pass up the opportunity to skip over to me in her little black cocktail dress, get disarmingly close and whisper with a mischievous grin, "So, makin' moves on Erza huh?"

"No," I replied flatly with the most deadpan expression and tone I could muster, "She asked, I answered, thoroughly and honestly. Did it sound like I was making a move?"

Levy pulled back with a look of small surprise on her face which she quickly brushed away, "Well then, in that case…" she did a little twirl, "how does _this _look on _me?_"

I observed her carefully for a moment, "I'd pair it with a white jacket, good contrast and keeps your overall color palette balanced nicely. It'll also mitigate any chill that open back might give you. You'd be wearing this for parties and dancing right?"

Levy looked at me, "Well yeah, what else would I wear it for?"

I shrugged, "Beats me, I'm a guy! Modest black heels to wrap up the outfit and a matching headband since I know you like to wear those. Maybe one with a little flower on the side."

"Are you sure you're into girls?" Levy asked teasingly.

"I'm into girls enough that I can use my imagination to run through dozens of possible combinations of color and clothing in a couple of seconds to give girls I happen to like advice on things like clothing because I know they like clothes," I told her flatly, "I'm an artist, matching colors is a skill I kinda need to be good at."

Levy pondered that for a moment and then glanced down and twisted to look over her shoulder, "White jacket huh?"

I gave her a double thumbs up with a grin, "White jacket."

…

* * *

…

We continued that way for almost four hours and the girls walked away with several new outfits. Well, Levy and Erza did. Lucy had her new cat suit. They had gotten into it so much that when Erza had revealed that Heart Kreuz did men's clothing as well, I'd wound up being sent to find new clothing for myself as well.

I'd protested lightly that I didn't need any new clothes and then Levy pointed out that I'd gotten to look at them in nice clothes and now they wanted to play dress up a little. I found my nerves getting slightly frayed at the idea and then Erza pointed out that my usual attire wasn't fit for the sort of fancy restaurants that Mira actually quite enjoyed being treated to. I smiled, "Which way to the men's section?"

Cue me being subjected to almost an hour of being pushed, pulled and shoved into a changing room before stepping out to be appraised by three very beautiful lady wizards who might've been enjoying themselves just a little too much.

I managed to get away with two suits, a new set of nice black pants, a red jacket and a very traditional wide brimmed dark blue wizard hat that Levy had gleefully plonked on my head that turned out to be a perfect fit. That was nowhere near the extent of what they'd had me try on, but I'd managed to convince them that three suits was plenty (also it was getting just a _wee_ bit expensive). Then on the way to go find Natsu and Gajeel, I grabbed a pair of white gloves that happened to fit perfectly.

Erza had asked me why and I had turned a wicked grin on her as I raised one hand to make it very visible as I pulled on my second glove. Apparently, I have a terrifying wicked grin because all three of them looked like I'd turned into a demon as I told them, "_'__Cause it's badass as hell._"

"Also!" I added brightly, my demeanor shifting as easily as putting my hat on, "I like wearing gloves, and they go well with all three suits! Now if only I could find a good…" My wandering gaze landed and an excited grin spread across my face, "MASK!"

Fifteen minutes later I'd added a full face mask in the shape of the theatrical symbol of comedy to my list.

"And what's the purpose of that?" Erza asked with her arms crossed and an eyebrow quirked.

I put it on and willed my eyes to glow a bit through the eye sockets, "Makes it easier to be scary!" I let the glow fade and continued, "It also gives me an _awesome _poker face, so between that, the intimidation factor, and making it hard to see where I'm looking, having a mask like this is perfect for battle against any human opponent because it's a _trifecta_ of psychological warfare. Can you think of anything more unnerving than an opponent who hasn't got a face to read?"

"I've never fought an opponent like that," Erza mused, "Even most masked opponents don't go for a full mask, there's usually at least their mouth and eyes showing."

"Then allow me to demonstrate how terrifying it can be!" I exclaimed delightedly. I snapped my fingers and a ten foot sphere of darkness erupted around us as I stepped closer to Erza, who had gone completely still in anticipation. I paused at what I thought was just outside of her arm's reach and flared light through the eye holes of my mask as I let a burst of light shine up from my hand like a flashlight to provide a scary under light to my face, "_Boo."_

**POW!**

Never let anyone tell you that Erza Scarlet does not have a killer right hook.

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME! on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

* * *

"So can ya actually fight or are ya just one o' them squishy wizards who's totally useless if they can't use their magic?

I considered my response for a moment, looked at my hand that I'd so recently gotten back and flexed the fingers, "Well. Now that I've finally got my hand back in working order, how about we find out? It's been a while since I had a fight without magic."

Everyone looked at me and Gajeel asked, "Are you seriously challengin' me to a fight?"

"A friendly spar," I clarified, "you're so much like my friend back home, I'm very interested to see if you have similar fighting styles."

Gajeel grinned and rose to his feet. I grinned and rose as well, "Everyone else might want to back up."


	24. Ch20: Rivals

**AN: ****_Happy New Year everybody!_**

**_For anyone interested, the multipairing vs 1v1 poll is currently at 18-7 in favor of multipairing. I think I can probably guess how that poll is going to end because an 11 vote lead is going to be rather difficult to catch up, but I'll leave it open like I said I would in case a dozen more people want a 1v1 ending._**

**_And now, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

**_AnimeMyWorld: _**_As always, glad you're still enjoying. How will Jerry fare in a straight up fist fight? Read on and find out! :D_

**_DarkDrawerJ:_**_ Yep, there's a pretty stout case (11 votes worth of case) to be made for the likelihood of a harem ending. Oh, you were talking about who'd be IN the harem? Well it's worth mentioning that due to the fantastic art and comics of one RuskyBoz, I am quite firmly in the Gajevy camp, so don't expect to see JerryxLevy. Not happenin'._

**_Raidentensho:_**_ Flame Alchemy gloves would be doable, but a moot point for a caster type wizard. A holder type wizard would undoubtedly wet themselves at the prospect though. Yes alchemy would be feasible but if it shows up it will be quite a ways off yet and most likely fall under the same category of magic as all the other magic since it's basically just magic with a bit of scientific know how._

**_And now, on with the show!_**

Chapter 20 – Rivals

…

…

Two days later my head was still wrapped in bandages. I was honestly surprised getting punched through a brick wall had only scraped me up. Sure, I knew at some level that my magic being at full strength had made me a lot tougher, but I didn't think it was _that _much.

Erza had been very embarrassed and asked me to strike her so she could atone. I gave her a very flat look, scratched at a fresh bandage on the side of my head, and then grinned, "I think I bit my tongue when you hit me. If you want to atone, then you should kiss it and make it better."

It was meant as light teasing, a smidge of payback for grabbing my ass on the train (I considered the nearly giving me a heart attack thing even after the burst of Pleasure magic). I had expected blushing, confusion and embarrassment. I considered the possibility that she might smack me again. When she reached out, curled her gauntlet in my lapel and yanked me to her, I was pretty sure I was about to catch an even heavier punch than the one that had knocked me through the wall.

What I _got _was a **scorcher** of a kiss that even Mira would've been proud of. Turned out Erza was fierce about everything, kissing included. When Erza came up for air, all I could do was stare into her half lidded eyes and try to catch my breath as the taste of strawberries continued to permeate my mouth. "Better?" she panted huskily and good _god _there was no way she was not doing that on purpose…

It took my poor deep fried brain a minute to churn up even a single word of response, "Yeah…"

Erza stayed close for a moment and then with a sly little smile, "So, who's a better kisser? Me or Mira?"

It took me a second to process that, "Too close to decide, I'd have to kiss you both repeatedly in rapid succession to pick a winner."

Erza thought about it for a minute, then she smirked deviously, "I bet I can arrange that…"

My brain processed that and then I wound up flat on my back looking up at the ceiling with Leo on his knees next to me begging me to teach him my secret. All I could do was clap him on the shoulder, "Leo my brother, even _I'm _not sure what the hell just happened."

"That's Erza for ya!" Happy declared dismissively as I noticed that Erza had already gone with Lucy to pay for their purchases with Natsu and Gajeel.

Then Levy cleared her throat, "I think I get it." Leo and I looked at her immediately and asked her to explain. "Well you see," Levy told me, "Even though Erza and Mirajane don't compete with their magic and fighting prowess anymore, they are still very much each others' rivals, although over the last few years, they've settled down a lot because the fields they're good at are kind of mutually exclusive ever since Mira lost her magic. Mira's great at cooking, housekeeping and basically everything feminine, and Erza's…kind of useless at all of that, but on the other hand Erza _is _still one of our strongest wizards, something that Mira can't compete with her over anymore, so they've kind of settled into a peaceful…I guess armistice is the word given what a complete warzone they made of anywhere they got competitive."

"Whenever they _do _find something they still don't know who's better at though," Levy continued with a grimace, "It's right back to how they used to be. If they play cards, it's life and death serious between them. Heck by Master's orders they're actually _not allowed _to play cards anymore after what happened last time. Now it looks like you've gone and gotten into Erza's head to compete with Mirajane over which of them is a better kisser, and that's going to lead into who's better looking, who's better in bed, who's a better girlfriend over all… I see what's going through your head Jerry, but you're probably going to regret this no matter how much fun it sounds, because they're going to hound you relentlessly, and if Mira accepts this as a new part of their rivalry then any relationship you have with her will probably get an instant backseat to proving she can be a better girlfriend than Erza, which if it's anything like their _usual _attempts to one up each other, is probably going to end up turning into an all out battlefield on top of your trampled and forgotten body. The best parallel I can think of would be if Natsu and Gray were suddenly interested in the same girl, only at least ten times worse."

I…think I may have actually gone a little pale over that. I must have because Levy nodded, "Mmhmm, I don't know if you did it on purpose, but if you did then it may very well have been the worst mistake you've ever made. Personally," she mused, "I hope it turns out alright. You and Mira are adorable together even if you're just 'friends with benefits'."

"Yeah, you and me both," I replied worriedly as I threw my brain into gear trying to figure out how to keep the awful scenario Levy had described from becoming reality. Losing Mira over something like _that_ was so many different levels of unacceptable that even with Archive I'd be hard pressed to count them all.

Then Happy giggled that I was gonna die with just a little too much glee and I shot him a flat glare, "Hey Leo, you don't have anything against punting cats with too much attitude do you?"

"Nope!" Leo grinned and before Happy could process what I'd said Leo's foot connected to him and off went the blue fluffball. He caught himself midair by snapping his wings into existence.

"Am I gonna catch crap from Natsu over that?" I asked idly.

"Nah, he'll be fine. Everybody's punted that cat at least once," Levy replied nonchalantly, "Even Erza's kicks don't hurt him, so even though Happy'll whine and cry about it, Natsu doesn't much care because he knows Happy's okay. Come to think of it," she mused, "I'm not sure I've ever seen anything actually legitimately _hurt _Happy. Even getting caught in Natsu's fireballs just singes his fur a little."

I thought about that for a moment and then, "How fast can Happy fly? And does he actually have claws? He's so different from normal cats that it's hard to guess."

Levy thought about it, "Well on his speed I think Natsu's claimed that he's broken the sound barrier while carrying him, but I'm not sure that that's not just Natsu bragging, and yes he does have claws. Why?"

"Think about what you just said and apply those three attributes to anything other than Happy in a combat situation," I replied crisply.

Levy and Leo both did and their eyes went wide after about fifteen seconds, "You don't mean…"

"Yeah," I mused, "if he actually puts some effort into it, then that puffball might just be useful for more than comic relief and getting Natsu places in a hurry…"

"Why on Earthland are you trying to make Happy _tough?!"_ Levy exclaimed in a mild panic.

I gave her a flat look, "He's a member of my team. Being completely harmless is _not _an option. Besides, with the mission we're going on? I have a feeling every little shred of extra firepower we can get is going to be not only wanted but actively _needed_. If a city of gold exists and it _hasn't_ been found and plundered yet, especially with so many expeditions having been confirmed to have gone after it and not a single one returning?"

"You think there's something out there that's been eliminating them?" Levy asked as she realized where I was going with a small amount of dread in her voice.

I nodded, "I'd about bet money on it."

…

…

Now, two days later, we were all sitting in the same restaurant in Hargeon that Lucy, Natsu, Happy and I had eaten at the day we met. "I'm glad to see they've been able to rebuild most of what Natsu burned down," Lucy mused as we waited for our food to arrive.

"Now now, it wasn't _Natsu_ that burned the town down," I declared with a small crooked grimace, "He just happened to have been fighting the guy that did when it happened."

Then the waitress recognized us, "Oh my god! You're those wizards from a month ago!" Cue half the restaurant freezing and whirling to look at us. On that note, cue _me, Lucy, Happy and Natsu_ freezing as we realized there was a very good chance we were about to be chased out of town.

Then the waitress bowed, "Thank you so much! That slaver creep almost got me with that charm magic! If you hadn't beaten him and his gang, I might be in Bosco right now!"

Lucy and I were utterly stunned, but Natsu just grinned easily, "No problem! He was trying to drag Fairy Tail's name through the mud, I would've kicked his ass for that anyway!"

"Don't forget that he was trying to impersonate _you _when he did it," I added, "But seriously, don't worry about it! It's just what any decent passerby would've done."

The waitress's eyes went wide, "You're Salamander?! Like, _the real one?!"_

"Yeah, that's him," the rest of us chorused.

"Oh my god you are so much hotter than that creep was…" the waitress murmured reverentially before blushing and covering her mouth with her little notepad.

"Well yeah!" Natsu grinned, "That guy's fire magic was nothing on mine!"

The rest of us grimaced as we realized that he thought she was talking about the temperature of their flames, but the waitress brushed it off to ask excitedly, "So, you guys are real Fairy Tail wizards?!"

We nodded and Natsu replied, "That's right. I'm Natsu Dragneel, and this is Happy." We then went around the table introducing ourselves and found ourselves signing autographs and getting our picture taken in less than five minutes. Our food wound up being on the house and everyone wanted to shake our hands.

It might not have been significant, Natsu, Erza, Happy, Levy and even Gajeel took it all in stride. I guess it had happened to them before, but I think it was the first time I got to see the effects of our shenanigans as Fairy Tail wizards, and I still keep it as a fond memory. Sometimes it's not easy being a wizard, and it's not always easy to do the right thing, but even if there were no other benefits, at least for me, little moments like that would make it worth it.

…

…

"So what kinda magic do you guys use?" Gajeel asked as we waited on deck for our ship to depart.

I flipped my deck of cards out of my sleeve and shot them from one hand to the other with a grin while I waited for somebody else to answer first. Erza spoke up pretty quick, "I use Requip magic. I have various armors and weapons which enhance my fighting capabilities and which I can switch out as needed to suit the situation."

Lucy held up her keys, "I use Celestial Spirit Magic, these keys let me summon Celestial Spirits who can help me out with all sorts of things."

Gajeel turned his gaze to Levy, "How 'bout you Shrimp?"

"Shrimp?" Levy asked icily.

"Don't encourage him if you don't like it," I warned her quickly, "Everyone he considers worth paying attention to gets a nickname. Complain about your nickname and you're guaranteed it'll stick."

Gajeel frowned at me, "Lemme guess, your friend back home did the same thing?"

I grinned, "It's a long story. Levy did you want to tell him what kind of magic you use before I start rambling?"

"Solid Script Magic," Levy told Gajeel flatly, "I make words, my words have effects. I also learned Archive recently, so I'll never forget anything again unless I want to and I can communicate with people telepathically."

Gajeel thought about that, "So you can make anything as long as you've got a word that corresponds to it?" Levy nodded and Gajeel's next question came as no surprise, "So can you make iron?"

Levy promptly did so, nonchalantly generating a chunk of iron the size of the suitcase she was sitting on. Gajeel looked at it hungrily, "Do you mind if I eat that?"

"Eat tha… _You had better not be looking at me as some kind of battery!_" Levy snapped.

Gajeel looked mildly offended as he picked up the iron and took a fist sized bite of it. He paused, blinked and then looked at her, "Nah, I was thinkin' ye're one hell of a cook! This is great!" He proceeded to chow down on it like it might disappear if he didn't eat it quick enough.

Levy watched with a slightly stunned expression, "But…I'm a terrible cook…"

"Says who?" Gajeel asked indignantly, "Point me at 'em so I can teach 'em some manners!"

"Making iron with my magic doesn't count!"

"Does fer me."

Levy didn't have a response for that and instead she just blushed a little before looking away with a slight pout, "Well, maybe I'll cook something some time and you can try it, but I'm not kidding when I say it's bad."

Erza laughed lightly as Gajeel grinned, "Oho, you must be quite special Gajeel, she hasn't offered to cook anybody anything since the time she nearly gave Jet and Droy food poisoning." Levy squawked indignantly at having it brought up but Erza just gave her a mischievous little smile.

"I like Levy's foo- _hurp!"_ Natsu tried to say before his sea-sickness got the better of him and he had to lean back over the rail.

Gajeel blinked at him and then turned back to Levy, "Well, even if ye're not good with normal food, yer iron's delicious, and I'm a good cook, so it's no big deal." Levy smiled at him and then he turned to me, "So Bandages, what's yer magic? I know ya've got that screen thing ya used to call Juvia, but ya pulled out those cards the instant I asked about yer magic. Guessin' yer some kinda card wizard?"

I grinned, "Ohhh…I can do a bit more than that, but yes, the first magic I learned was these little beauties right here. Good for offense, defense, transport…I'm working on learning Card Dimension which'll let me store stuff in them as well. Beyond that I also know Light magic, Teleportation, Telekinesis and the screen thing you saw which is called Archive, which also grants me a ridiculously good memory and telepathy. I also use Celestial Spirit Magic like Lucy."

"So can ya actually fight or are ya just one o' them squishy wizards who's totally useless if they can't use their magic?"

I considered my response for a moment, looked at my hand that I'd so recently gotten back and flexed the fingers, "Well. Now that I've finally got my hand back in working order, how about we find out? It's been a while since I had a fight without magic."

Everyone looked at me and Gajeel asked, "Are you seriously challengin' me to a fight?"

"A friendly spar," I clarified, "you're so much like my friend back home, I'm very interested to see if you have similar fighting styles."

Gajeel grinned and rose to his feet. I grinned and rose as well, "Everyone else might want to back up."

Before the girls could even move, Gajeel had closed the distance, hauled back to clock me. Sure enough, there it was. _Sway right, right jab to left temple, follow with left hook to stomach, shift and right hook to left ribs, jump spin for round house and instead chamber side kick, snap sidekick to nose and drop low, lunging uppercut with right and block right hook, dodge left hook, block right knee and use as propulsion for backwards roll out of reach…Roll, plant feet, come up __**BOOT!**_

I narrowly managed to cross my arms in time and as a result did _not _get my nose broken. I still got punted across the deck, but thankfully I was able to use it to power an extra long backwards spring. I would've landed perfectly too if I hadn't tripped backwards over a suitcase. I rolled out of the way and narrowly dodged Gajeel's flying piledriver which left a lovely crater in the deck where my head had been. I jumped and put another snap side kick into his ribs. All that did was scoot him a few inches and tick him off.

He lunged at me and the instant his arm extended I caught it, _drop low, spin, over shoulder and flip HOLY FUCK THIS GUY'S HEAVY!_

It would've been a perfect shoulder flip if Gajeel hadn't been quick enough to turn it into a tackle and basically he just fell on top of me…all three hundred plus pounds of him. "Gihihi, I win." Gajeel chuckled as he wrapped me in a choke hold.

Normally I'd have let it go and conceded, but that laugh kinda ticked me off.

"Hey what're you…What the hell?! ACK!"

Next thing Gajeel knew, his grip was broken, his nose was well acquainted with the back of my head, his cheek was acquainted with my elbow, he'd caught another two punches in the face, and he had both my boots planted in his gut. I sprang to my feet, jumped, and the ensuing piledriver as I came down actually knocked Gajeel reeling. Would've been very satisfying if he hadn't had an equally stout left jab crashing into my momentarily exposed ribs.

We both staggered back clutching the points of impact. Then Erza stepped between us, "Alright, that's enough. If you're going to continue, then you will have to wait until we arrive at our destination. The crew is starting to get anxious and the other passengers are boarding."

I nodded and as I felt my pulse start to slow down, I shot a grin across at Gajeel, "I was right! You _do _fight just like him! Thanks! Best fight I've had in a while!"

Gajeel was quiet for a second then a grin spread across his face, "Yeah, you're alright. You know we're gonna have to have a rematch sometime though right?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," I replied with a grin.

We went and sat back down in our circle by the rail Natsu was leaning over and Lucy asked me, "So, why do you always strain your magic to the point of nearly blacking out if you can fight like _that _without it?"

"For starters there's the whole 'was actually at one measly friggin' percent the whole time you've known me' thing," I replied, prompting Gajeel to whip his head around to stare at me, "and for the other, don't forget that when I _do _use magic on that scale, it's to save somebody's bacon because no amount of physical movement is going to be enough, and it usually ends with the entirety of whatever enemy force we're facing being taken out wholesale pretty much instantly." I smirked, "I'm actually really curious to see what I can do now that I'm up to a whopping _ten _percent."

"_Ten percent?!_" Gajeel demanded angrily, "_You're tellin' me you're at only TEN FREAKING PERCENT and you fought evenly with me?! Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?!"_

I got up and started rifling through my bag, "I'm not joking Gajeel. Part of that long story I mentioned is the fact that my natural ethernano absorption rate is a fucking _joke._" Finding what I was looking for, I turned and held it up to Gajeel, "This is a magic capacity meter. It reads the percentage of magic a person or lacrima has in proportion to how much they naturally _can _have. How much power would you say you have right now in comparison to your full tank?"

"I _have _a full tank!" Gajeel declared.

I poked him with the meter and it popped up a glowing holographic number reading sixty-five percent, "Actually you're at a little over two thirds of your full power. Don't worry, that includes what you can do when you eat steel or something. I thought the one percent that was all I'd ever had _was_ my full tank until Master Precht told me otherwise. If you still don't believe me…" I pressed it to my own forearm and a holographic 3 popped up. I grimaced, "Ah shit, I thought it was higher."

"That can't be right!" Gajeel declared agitatedly, "There's no way in hell you're on the level with me in a fight at only three goddamned percent of your power!"

"Um, you _do _realize he took out an entire dark guild in one shot right?" Lucy asked tentatively.

"Of course I realize he's that strong!" Gajeel snapped, "He fought evenly with _me_ didn't he?! I was Phantom Lord's second strongest wizard behind Master Jose! What I'm sayin' is that there's no way in hell he's strong enough to go toe to toe with me at less than a twentieth of his full power!"

I cleared my throat, "Actually Gajeel, something you may wish to consider. Did any of my punches actually _hurt?_"

"What? No, we were just playin' around right?" Gajeel asked in confusion.

I grimaced, "Ah…no, I actually _was_ slugging you about as hard as I could since I know you're made of iron, and every one of _your _hits felt like getting hit with a steel bat."

Gajeel stared at me, "…Are you serious?" I nodded and he suddenly exploded, "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WALKIN' AROUND ON THE VERGE OF MAGIC DEFICIENCY SYNDROME?! HOW ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE?! YOU CAN'T BE TAKIN' DANGEROUS JOBS WHEN YOU'VE BARELY GOT ENOUGH ENERGY TO STAND UP!"

I dug a finger in my ear at his volume with a grimace, "Yeah, that's the other part of the long story. I'm from a parallel dimension where there _is no magic._ I grew up thinking magic was just a myth, then I woke up in Hargeon one morning with no clue where I was and a note from who or whatever yanked me here telling me to find Lucy, Natsu and Happy and go join Fairy Tail."

Gajeel gave me a flat look and then, "Dude, seriously, if yer gonna make somethin' up, come up with somethin' better than that."

"I ain't makin it up!" I snapped, "Seriously! About two months ago I was just an ordinary college goin' shmuck and then one morning I woke up in Hargeon without a damn clue where I was!"

Gajeel still clearly didn't believe me so I sighed and thought for a moment, "Will ya believe me if I can prove that I really _am _at only three percent?"

Gajeel laughed, "Yeah right! But sure, if you really _are _at less than five percent of your magic power and still have that much spring in your step, then I'll believe you might've grown up without magic."

I sighed with a small smile, "Aaalriiight… Hey Erza? Would you mind catching me if I start to go a little cuckoo like last time?"

Erza immediately got up and set a hand on my shoulder, "I won't let go." I nodded and raised my hands, mentally reaching out to grab all of the light within about a mile in front of me, closed my eyes and then…**_CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMP!_**

I heard Gajeel and a lot of passengers squawking in surprise over the sound of my munching, but I wasn't going to stop until I was full dang it! A few moments later I heard the power meter blare it's little overload warning and I stopped, letting what was left of the light I had seized to devour go.

It left me in a bit of a daze, but I wasn't as out of it as I had been last time, so I was able to hear Gajeel ask Natsu in a stunned voice how much power he thought I'd just eaten. Levy asked me curiously if my conversion rate for eating was the same as Blackout Mode and I confirmed it was. A few lightning fast scratches of pencil on paper later, Levy declared that I had just taken in five hundred twenty four thousand Edeas. Then she poked me with the magic capacity sensor and declared that I was at a hundred percent.

That wasn't surprising given that my mind was racing with so much nothing that I could barely hear her. I only know what happened because the others told me. I could hear, but at the same time I couldn't. Everything had just…faded away into background noise. My vision started to blur slightly and my eyes itched madly. I reached up and covered them with a growl of displeasure as my head started to hurt. I forced my eyes open just long enough to snatch my contacts out and throw them away. Lack of replacements that had made me keep them in this long be damned, that _hurt._ Then the ground lurched. I jerked in surprise and almost fell. It was only Erza's hand on my shoulder that kept me from face planting.

The lurching didn't stop. I felt like I was on some kind of giant demonic teeter totter as I started flapping and shifting my weight in counterpoint trying to keep my balance. My face hurt and my sinuses burned, my teeth felt like they were about to rip themselves out and my whole body was racked with chills. I couldn't even begin to think through the panic and the pain… Then my head started itching. The itch started small but all over my scalp and face, but within seconds I had given up flapping to keep my balance to start clawing at everything I could get at above the shoulders with every scrap of speed I could muster as I started to very loudly complain. Then something which I later learned to be Erza's fist clocked me and I was out like a light.

…

…

It was the sensation of movement that woke me… not little movement either. It felt like whatever I was laying on was actively trying to buck me off like a rodeo bull. I forced my telekinesis out to figure out where the hell I was and what was going on. I was acutely puzzled by the fact that there was no actual bucking going on, and that powerful smell of metal was Gajeel. Which really begged the question of how the hell I could smell him that clearly. There was a mild babble in the air, muffled, but it was definitely there…

I forced myself to levitate, and as soon as I wasn't afraid I was going to get chunked across the room at any second, I was able to calm down and think. It took me several seconds and then I asked, "Gajeel…how are Dragon Slayers made?"

Gajeel jerked awake, "What the hell? Why are you floating?"

"Motion sickness," I replied, "Just like Natsu. It's never happened before, and believe me, if it were going to happen before, it would have back in my world where vehicles were absurdly common place. This is something very new to me, but it seems that separating myself from the boat's motion is all it takes to negate it. More pressing though is the fact that at least two of my senses have been sharpened. I've never been able to smell before, but now I can smell _everything._ I can hear everything going on outside even though I know there's no way I'd have been able to before."

I opened my eyes and immediately scrunched them back shut, "And my sight is sharper too. I know there's not a single light on in here, but it's so bright that it might as well be high noon in a desert."

Gajeel nodded, "Yeah, given that you were on the verge of Magic Deficiency Syndrome it's not surprising that you feel like that. One of the symptoms of Magic Deficiency Syndrome is all yer senses getting super dulled. Yer body's natural healin' slows way down and ya become vulnerable ta all kinds o' diseases that would normally never bother anybody. Ya get super slow and super weak, yer bones get fragile and your flesh bruises and cuts easily. I've never seen it happen, but everyone knows the symptoms."

"I don't think yer a dragon slayer," Gajeel mused, "Levy explained yer magic to me. My first thought was that ya were a Dragon Slayer, but there's two pretty simple explanations fer why there's no way in hell ya are."

"And those are?"

"Ya haven't got an element, and Dragon Slayers ain't born, they're made," Gajeel declared, "Levy says ya met and claim ta have beaten a dragon, but she also claims ya were nine tenths outta yer mind when ya said it. So while that means ya coulda been made inta a Dragon Slayer, there's a very important element missin', namely the fact that ya haven't got one."

"I'm guessing I would if I were a Dragon Slayer?" I reasoned.

Gajeel nodded, "If ya were a Dragon Slayer, then ya'd only be able ta eat one element. Like how I can eat iron and Natsu can eat fire. Tryin' ta eat anything else would make ya horribly sick, but Levy says ya were able ta eat dozens o' different types o' magic that the Guild's old Master chucked at ya. That ain't Dragon Slayer magic that's lettin' ya eat like that. I dunno what kinda magic lets ya do that, but it definitely ain't any Dragon Slayer magic I've ever heard of. As fer yer motion sickness, it's probably jest cause yer senses have been kicked up so high by havin' yer magic at full power fer what's apparently the second time in your life."

I smiled thinly, "Ah. That makes sense. So I suppose you believe me now?"

"Yeah, I believe ya, ain't no way you were at full power if ya could eat _that _much. Ya blacked out the whole dang harbor!" I flinched and Gajeel sniggered, "Yer actin' like ya weren't expectin' that, but Shrimp says ya blacked out half yer town the first time ya did it." He cleared his throat, "Anyway, there's no way in hell ya'd have been able ta fight like that if ya hadn't lived that way yer whole life. Magic Deficiency Syndrome would've put any ordinary wizard on the ground an' writhin' in agony if they were that low on power."

He sighed and got to his feet, "I'll go let the others know yer awake. They seemed pretty worried about ya. Try ta get yer feet back on the ground if ya can. Ya'll never get over somethin' like motion sickness if ya don't try, an' acclimatin's 'bout the only way ta do that."

I nodded, "I'll try, and Gajeel…" I cracked an eye and looked over at him as he opened the door, "Thanks."

Gajeel looked over his shoulder and grinned, "Try ta keep yer magic levels high, that'll help ya acclimate faster."

I immediately activated Blackout Mode, shocking even myself with how fast it came on. When I pulled it back from my eyes, I saw Gajeel staring at me. "Blackout Mode," I clarified, "I went beyond just eating and developed a way to passively absorb any light that touches me. It's the same as eating a steady stream."

Gajeel stared for a moment more and then grinned, "When we get there, _I want a rematch._"

I smiled behind the shadows of Blackout Mode, "You're on."

...

...

**NEXT TIME on ****_Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_"__Well, it would appear that you have made a friend, Lady Serena," He smiled as he drew a card from the deck and precisely placed one back, "Please keep in mind your father's wishes regarding your safety. I would so hate to have to intervene."_

_"__What Daddy doesn't know won't get me grounded," Serena, because that was apparently her name (it was slightly embarrassing that I hadn't learned it yet), replied smugly, "And if you want to remain employed, you'll keep it that way, right Elric?"_


	25. Ch21: On a Boat

**AN: _Okeydokey! For anyone who was following my Naruto story Brilliant Minds and Black Hearts, I'm sure you've seen the last chapter, sorry, that one really is over. Thank you for reading, and don't worry, this one will NOT have an ending like that. For all of you who didn't read that story, rejoice! For now I have that much more brain space to devote to this story! (and lord knows I need it for this arc...)_**

**_But for now, Reviewer Replies!_**

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**_donumah36: _**_Delighted you're enjoying, I am certainly aiming to continue._

**_DarkDrawerJ:_**_Glad you enjoyed, especially the interactions since those are actually one of the hardest things for me to write because I'm very bad at them in real life. I was quite indifferent to Gajevy until I found RuskyBoz's comics and art, she really does a fantastic job with them. It's a bit like Bellagill92 with the Jerza and Miraxus pairings. I really didn't care for either of them that much until I read her stories, but afterwards I'm like, 'Eh, gotta be somebody might as well be them.' but Jellal is still not even close to forgiven for making Erza cry as far as I'm concerned...even if his interactions with her in 100 Year Quest are utterly friggin' hilarious...and admittedly I do like him alright, he's just not quiiite good enough for Erza (although really nobody is), but especially not with that mopey emo-ass attitude! Honestly, if you know you're not good enough for her but she disagrees then you should just GO WITH IT and do everything in your power to prove her right! SERIOUSLY! What the actual hell Jellal?! JOIN FAIRY TAIL AND DATE ERZA ALREADY! Sorry, little ranty sometimes about my ships. Also, please note that just because I support a ship in canon doesn't mean it's getting ANY traction here._

**_Raidentensho: _**_Yes! Epic it will be! As for Incantation Bakudo 75, Gajeel can already do pretty much exactly that except it would just be a rapid fire barrage of Iron Dragon Logs. Throw Levy or Freed in for a little Jutsu Shiki and boom, 5 Pillar Iron Prison._

**_Guest:_**_Glad you're enjoying! You are now vote number 19 for a multi-pairing!_

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**_And now, who's ready for our first big hint at Jerry's backstory?_**

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**Chapter 21 – On a Boat**

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* * *

…

I hadn't anticipated our trip being on a cruise ship, but apparently it was the only ship headed for the country of Minstrel where Mattachu was supposed to be located within the next few weeks and Dr. Whistler was impatient after having waited so long. The upside was that the ten day voyage came with very good food. Natsu wasn't able to stomach any of it until the captain strode by and learned about his seasickness. A glowing magic circle later and Natsu popped up fresh as a daisy, throwing his fists to the sky and howling with joy, "I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"

The rest of us stared for a moment and then looked at the captain. He grinned beneath his white mustache, "Think nothing of it! I learned that spell from a wizard many years back. I can't have my passengers not enjoying their voyage can I?"

"We certainly appreciate the gesture," Erza declared, "And normally I would have absolutely no reservations about it, but Natsu here is in trouble with our guild. We actually chose to drag him along on a cruise for the express purpose of making him miserable with sea sickness."

The captain thought about that for a moment and stroked his mustache, "Is that so? Hmm…well I know you wizard guilds are pretty stubborn about your rules and enforcing them…hmm…" An idea visibly popped into his head, "I know! We're having a costume party this evening, you can force him to be a clown! We have all kinds of fun costume accessories for you to choose from in the props room for our shows!"

Erza's eyes lit up and Natsu immediately found himself being dragged off by the ear while Erza chatted animatedly with the captain.

"Costume party huh?" I mused before looking over at the others, "Any of you bring costumes?"

They shook their heads in unison and we ran to catch up.

…

* * *

…

The party was grand. That's the only word for it: _grand_. I wasn't sure how they had hidden that giant ballroom in the middle of the ship, but it gave the impression of a royal ball. There were lots of people, all dressed in costumes. The food was exquisite and the music was provided by an entire live orchestra.

"Just how rich is Doc Whistler that he can afford tickets to something like _this _at the drop of a hat?" I asked Lucy as we took it in. Everyone was having to enter in pairs, don't know why but we were.

Erza was all but dragging Natsu. She was dressed as a ringmaster, resplendent in a red waistcoat over a white blouse and black pants, with a top hat to well, top it off. Happy had a little lion's mane and Natsu was as promised, a clown. He had an afro, a big red nose that Erza had apparently glued to his face with magic, make up and a white jumpsuit with many colored polka dots as he honked his way around on giant red shoes.

Levy and Gajeel were a pair. Gajeel was wearing a red leather suit with metal studs which left his midriff bare and wouldn't look out of place on an Elvis impersonator. He had also magically dyed his hair white for the occasion. Levy had turned herself blonde and was wearing a white floor length dress with a bow on the back and billowy detached sleeves. Lucy had explained to me that they were dressed as Sir Ban and Lady Elaine, a legendary knight and his fairy lover. I nodded as I remembered the tale Ley had told a few weeks back about the knight who had once been a bandit seeking the Fountain of Youth only to fall in love with the fairy maiden guarding it and later become a knight on a quest to revive her following her death at the hands of a demon. Given the excitement and love Levy had for the story, it certainly gave me hope for Gajeel's chances with her that she had chosen what I suppose was something like Earthland's answer to Romeo and Juliet to be their costumes.

That of course left me and Lucy. Lucy was an archaeologist. She had on a tan button down and black pants, white gloves and black boots, all topped off with a tan pith helmet. I had wrapped myself in even more bandages than usual and tossed my cape on along with a pair of pants. Add a pharaoh's headdress and no shirt over the bandages and voila! One mummy back from the dead! I was actually quite surprised that they were a thing in this world, but I wasn't going to question it.

Less than thirty minutes into the party, we heard a voice that made me stop and whirl around to find the source of the most prim and proper British accent I had heard since getting yanked to this world. "Oh my, I suppose we were not the only ones who had this idea," drawled the elderly man with the stark white hair and weathered skin in the archaeologist outfit that looked highly similar to Lucy's.

My eyes however were immediately drawn to gorgeous young woman next to him who had my full and immediate attention. She had her silky black hair in a bob cut and a little cobra crown. She had dark blue eyes and she was every bit as well put together as any of the ladies at Fairy Tail. She was dressed like an ancient Egyptian queen, with the little crown shaped like a cobra, a short white linen (no that might've been silk…) dress that showed off her exceptionally well toned legs and did nothing at all to hide that incredible figure…

I immediately averted my gaze with a blush as she blushed and asked with the same mischievous smile that Mirajane usually wore when she was about to drive me wild, "Oh my…does the pharaoh like my dress?"

I quickly recovered and raised up to my full height imperiously to declare in a deep voice, "The pharaoh is pleased!"

"Would the pharaoh like to dance?" She asked with a teasing smile.

Next thing I knew I was dancing with her and holy hell did she know how to make herself tempting! We weren't doing any of that grinding sort of dancing that is popular in clubs, but she _still_ made the whole thing such a sensual experience that it was almost as enticing and exciting as having Mirajane in my lap. She had _zero _compunction about pressing her breasts to my chest and getting very close when the slow numbers came on, and when she flipped around to press her back to me, she proved herself _very _adept at applying pressure to exactly where it needed to be in order to drive me mad. Her eyes and smile were like a dare to get into something mischievous and she drew so close to kissing me often enough that even if she hadn't had all that other going for her, I probably still would've been getting pretty interested in the thought of making out with her.

We danced all night and I wasn't even really tired at the end of it. I was just disappointed that it was over. The last song had been a slow one with the lights low and she leaned in close as it was drawing to a close, "Thanks, this has been really fun." Then she slid one of the hands that was on my shoulder up to my jaw and gave me a gentle kiss that for all that it was subtle, brief and subdued was every bit as breathtaking as Erza, Cana, Lucy or Mira's. When she pulled away, she laid a finger to her lips with a teasing grin, "Mm-mmm…that's all you get…" Then as she turned and walked off, I heard her add quietly, "For now…"

We found ourselves in each other's company a little longer though as her friend and mine had gathered around the same table and apparently spent the night having almost as much fun as I had. Except for Gajeel and Levy, they'd been on the dance floor with us. "Well, it would appear that you have made a friend, Lady Serena," He smiled as he drew a card from the deck and precisely placed one back, "Please keep in mind your father's wishes regarding your safety. I would _so_ hate to have to intervene."

"What Daddy doesn't know won't get me grounded," Serena, because that was apparently her name (it was slightly embarrassing that I hadn't learned it yet), replied smugly, "And if you want to remain employed, you'll keep it that way, right Elric?"

"Ah the young mistress's tongue is as sharp as ever," the now named Elric bemoaned with a grin that proved he didn't mind at all. I pulled out a chair for Serena and she sat down, shooting me an approving smile as I sat down between her and Lucy.

Then Serena noticed Lucy's guild mark and her face lit up with excitement, "That mark…are you a Fairy Tail wizard?!"

Lucy smiled and raised her hand to show her mark, "Yeah, actually all six of us are! Me, Jerry, Erza, Natsu, Levy, and Gajeel just joined a few days ago. He used to be with Phantom Lord."

Serena stared for a moment and then narrowly contained an outright _squee _of excitement behind folded hands, "Erza Titania Scarlet, Natsu the Salamander and Black Steel Gajeel are here?!"

I only had the faintest warning before Natsu got whirled at us like a top. I managed to catch him and spin him into a chair at the table next to the one we were at before gesturing to him with a smile, "Tada! One Salamander!"

"Aye…" Natsu groaned pitifully. At a guess, I would say that either the captain's anti-seasickness magic had worn off, or Erza had taken the opportunity to punish him a little more creatively and proactively. Then I decided it was that second one as Erza walked up and leaned down to glare in his face and inform him that he got off lucky because the musicians were tired. I offered Erza my chair and she took it before becoming immediately engaged in conversation with Serena, who was every bit as excited to meet and talk to her as she had been about dancing with me.

A little bit later when Gajeel and Levy made their way over, Elric got up to give Levy his seat and joined me, Natsu and Gajeel at the adjacent table for a game of cards...which he proceeded to thoroughly hand us our asses at. I was silently very glad that there was no money involved or the old butler would've fleeced us.

For all that he did kick our ass at cards though, he was still very good company and chock full of stories of exploits from his younger days. By the time we retired for the night, we had all firmly chalked him up in the "new friend" category. Serena caught me for a good night kiss on our way out of the ballroom and whispered in my ear, "See you around handsome!"

_If only she was a badass wizard…_ I less than half lamented to myself as I wandered back to my cabin, _then she'd be as perfect as Mira and Cana and Erza and Lucy and… _I blinked and paused before smiling, _I love my life._

I made my way back to my cabin with a little bit more hurry than I'd had before and quickly fished out a pen and some paper from my extradimensional storage space before setting it on the cabin's little desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down as I finally got around to taking Lucy's advice -and writing a letter home.

…

* * *

…

_Dear Mom, Dad, Grampy, Granny, Abuela, Abuelo, Cousin Rick, Gabe, Julie, Sensei and anyone else concerned about my disappearance,_

_Calm down. I'm not dead. I wound up down the rabbit hole, over the rainbow, across the great divide, whatever euphemism for "sent to another world" you care to use. Don't ask how, I don't know. Thankfully this particular wonderland is not as crazy as anywhere Alice ever went, although there is a talking cat here too…It ain't Kansas I can tell ya that much!_

_Quit giving the paper that look, __**I AM NOT JOKING**__._

_I am flattered that you think I could come up with this and pull off my own disappearance thoroughly enough to make it plausible, but the truth is that this is real. I'm in another dimension and if this has somehow made its way to you then I can only assume Mystogan got control of that wormhole machine he's been trying to shut down… (keep reading everything'll be explained)_

_This is a really long story, so I'm going to tell it like one. This is going to include basically everything that's happened to me over the last month and a half, so get comfortable because you're probably going to be reading for a while. If I have a chance to include pictures I will, but in case I can't, I'm going to describe everyone and everything anyway. _

_Chapter 1: Three Wizards and A Cat_

_It was very bright and very loud. Much brighter and louder than I would've expected my room to be. __**Urgh…did I fall asleep with the lights and TV on?**_

_Then I sat bolt upright, __**I don't have a TV! Where the hell am I?!**__I looked around frantically, taking in the water, the cobblestones, the people and bright sunlight. I blinked, looked around some more, tried to analyze the situation and decided that somehow I had been dragged into an alternate world where shenanigans were bound to ensue. I wasn't a heavy enough sleeper for someone to move me without me waking up barring the use of knockout gas, and there was no reason for anyone in the world to go to that much trouble for little old me. Besides, if they had, then I'd probably be waking up in a small dark room, not a sunny street side in a port town._

…

* * *

…

I kept writing all through the night and wound up waking up slumped over backwards in my chair when Lucy came to check on me the next day. I folded the papers and tucked them into my extra dimensional storage before following Lucy down to the galley. My stomach had just realized that my light meal the other day wasn't all that physically filling even if it had kicked my magic levels up to max. I was freakin' hungry!

…

* * *

…

"So what was that you were writing?" Lucy asked me as we sat down next to Natsu and Levy, "It looked like there was a lot of it. Is it that sequel we've been waiting for?" she added with a grin.

Levy's head immediately whipped around at the mention of the promised sequel to _Pirates of the Caribbean_, "You're writing again?!" Then her face lit up excitedly, "That's right! You said you'd work on it when you were recovered!"

I snorted a small laugh, "No, it's not that. I was writing a letter home, just in case I ever get to send it."

Lucy stared at me, "You wrote a letter _an inch thick?_" Even Levy gawked at that before frowning, "No way, it _has _to be that new story. There's no way you wrote a letter home that was over a hundred pages long!"

"Actually it's closing in on _three _hundred," I replied flatly, "I wrote down everything that's happened to me since that morning I woke up in Hargeon. The more important stuff got more than one page."

Levy was quiet for a moment and then, "Can I read it?"

I blinked, processed that and then I crossed my arms in an X, "No way. Very private."

Next thing I knew, Levy had tied me to my chair. Natsu grinned even though he was slumped over the table looking otherwise completely pitiful, "Hehe, you should know better than to try to keep a book away from Levy…"

"Levy, that's super private!" Lucy protested on my behalf, "He probably included all his thoughts about everything and everybody in it! It's like reading his diary or something! Not that it's a diary or anything…" she hastily added.

"So?" Levy asked as she conjured a Solid Script Feather that for some reason Natsu was very eager to get away from immediately, "I just want to make sure I'm portrayed well, and Jerry wants me to make sure I'm portrayed well and not have to find out how ticklish he is."

"I'm _not_ ticklish," I grumbled.

"Even if I shove this about six inches up your nose and wiggle it around?" Levy asked me with a much too serene smile as she brandished her feather menacingly.

"I'll sneeze all over you!"

"Natsu tried that," Levy replied with a vicious light in her eyes, "Ask him how well it worked."

Natsu was making as much of a beeline for the door as he could with his seasickness back in full force. I looked back at her, "I'll let you read the pages that concern you, but I see no reason at all for you to read about how exactly I wound up in bed with Mira for a week."

"Not even if I want to try the same thing on Gajeel?"

I noticed Gajeel turn around and dance right back out the door he had paused halfway through and had to laugh. I sincerely doubt he will ever admit to it, but oh my god it was hilarious. "Okay, okay, fine, you win. _GAJEEL YOU OWE ME BIG!_"

"NOOO~TED!" Gajeel shout-sang back.

Levy immediately went ghostly pale as I disintegrated the rope holding me in place and handed her the two hundred and sixty something pages she was so desperate to read. "Now no backin' out and disappointin' him," I grinned as I patted her on the head and went back to eating.

"How long was he standing there?" Levy asked in a horrified little voice.

"Long enough to hear you say you wanted to shag his brains out for a week straight," Serena declared with a mischievous grin from where she'd slid into the seat Natsu had vacated. As Levy's soul attempted to vacate the premises from sheer embarrassment, Serena looked across at me and pointed at me, "Two things. Number one: When you say 'Mira', are you talking about _Mirajane_ _Strauss?_"

I nodded and she sat back thoughtfully, "Wow, so I guess I never stood a chance huh?"

I tilted my head, "Well…Mira's pretty insistent that we're just friends with benefits, so I'm not really sure. If it wasn't for that, I'd have to say 'definitely' because she's amazing, but I can say with a pretty great deal of surety that you're as good a kisser as she is."

Serena thought about that for a moment and then sat forward to give me that same enticing grin she'd lured me to the dance floor with the night before, "And that brings us to number two, a week straight?"

I blushed slightly and nodded, "Yes, it was actually my birthday and, well, she didn't realize it at the time, but it turned out to be a pretty great birthday present anyway."

Serena thought about that for a moment and then nearly made me choke on my next bite in surprise as she declared, "I've got a week, and room service has booze." She got up with a smile, "Just something to think about."

I'm not ashamed to admit that my jaw went slack and my stare followed her right out the door. Lucy asked me a few minutes after she left, "So…were girls this crazy about you back in your world too? Or is it just your magic making your attention more pleasant than most now?"

"I told you Lucy, I never had a girlfriend prior to Mira."

"That doesn't mean girls didn't like you, it just means you didn't like them back," Lucy pointed out, "So is this new?"

I thought for a moment, "I suppose there could be cultural differences at work, but I never noticed any unusual attention from any of the girls I knew. They might've been paying more attention, but if they did, I must've been about as oblivious to it as the average post. Personally, I think it's highly unlikely," I admitted with a smile as I selected my next bite, "Gabe was Mr. Popular, not me."

"Gabe?" Lucy asked.

"My best friend," I explained as I took my bite. I chewed for a moment and then swallowed, "The one that's just like Gajeel. He was the quarterback on top of being a guitar player, edgy dresser and in several of the honors classes. Really that last one's mostly Julie's doing, those two were like siblings. She was the smartest of the three of us even though she always insisted I was. Of course, she also tried a lot harder. Julie was class president, valedictorian, this, that… you name it, she was the best. She never did cheerleading, which was one of the stereotypical 'cool kid' things, but she was captain of the dance team which was about the same degree of 'cool'…oh, and they were the only people in our age group who did karate with me. The three of us all started at the same time and rose through the ranks together. Those two had _everybody's _attention, and they deserved it! They worked their asses off to be that cool. Kinda made me worry about them," I mused.

"I always figured all that trying would drive 'em both gray early," I declared with a small grin, "They toughed it out though, never did any drugs like a couple of the other braniacs who pushed themselves too hard or partied their future away like idiots. Of course, I'm pretty sure Sensei would've kicked their asses if they'd ever done anything that stupid." I resumed eating with a small smile at the thought of my old friends.

"So you were the best friend of the two most popular people in your age group who excelled at everything, and if I know _anything _about you, you were doing pretty well for yourself too, _on top _of making it look completely effortless. Am I right?" Levy asked over the top of the letter home that contained the details of basically everything I'd done over the last month and a half.

I nodded, "That's right."

"And you said your family was able to set you up with loads of blind dates that you always made go well, right?" Lucy added.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Dense as a post," Lucy and Levy chorused.

I frowned at them, "Eh?"

"You hung out with the coolest people in your age group, you had lots of girls willing to go out with you because those blind dates wouldn't have gone on at all if they weren't at least a little interested, and you didn't do anything except for the one thing you wanted to, which happened to be being a badass, and knowing you, you probably made it look like you were just too damn cool to be bothered with anything else," Levy explained, "So you probably had girls drooling all over you and just didn't notice it."

I blinked and then, "Oh! Well that's nice." I went back to eating.

I think they were staring. After a moment, Lucy asked, "Um, shouldn't you be having a bit more of a reaction to that?"

"Why would I?"

"Well, didn't you think that nobody particularly liked you, romantically I mean?" Lucy reasoned, "So shouldn't it be at least a _little bit _of a surprise to find out that you were probably actually really popular?"

I didn't even look up as I started after my next bite, "I really couldn't care less even if it is."

"What?! Why not?!"

I glanced across the table at her and noticed Levy had gotten over her shock and was ears deep in my letter home/recording of everything that had happened to me since my arrival, "Because odds are _extremely _good that I will never see any of them again and thus their opinion of me has exactly _zero _bearing upon me or my future. Besides," I added as I took another bite, "Da pasht id pasht. 'O use 'orryin' a'out it."

"But what if there had been someone like Mira just waiting for you to ask them out?!" Lucy exclaimed, "Wouldn't you be upset that you'd missed out on a chance to be with her?"

I finished chewing, swallowed, wiped my mouth and looked across the table at Lucy, "Lucy, I could beat myself black and blue for the rest of my life over stupid things I've done in the past that I regret. I'm not the least bit proud of the fool I was as a child, and most of my actions that I can remember from my childhood mortify me with their stupidity. I could spend my time wallowing in self-pity, loathing and guilt over what an absolute little piece of shit I used to be, or I can learn from it, move on, and never let myself be such a dumbass again. And before you ask, **_NO. I absolutely do not want to talk about it._**"

Judging by Lucy's expression and the way Levy was nervously glancing over the top of the papers at me, the don't-even-try-me glare that went with that statement must've been every bit as fierce as what I intended. I sighed and set my face in my hand as the old guilt welled in my stomach, massaging my forehead through the bandages trying to keep the memories at bay, "I'm sorry if I came off a little intense just now, but that's…probably the worst memories possible to bring up. I'm…I'm gonna go get some air."

I didn't bother to finish my food, but I did take a few paper napkins with me. I knew what was coming.

I walked out of the galley and straight to the rail as the guilt churned my gut for the first time in…how long had it been? _It's a real shame,_ I mused as I leaned over the rail, _that food was good…_

Then the memory slammed me like a freight train and about thirty seconds later, I got to see my food again.

A few moments into my vomiting, a hand started to rub my back. I wiped my mouth with the napkins clenched in my hand as I forced my stomach back under control and shot a glance over my shoulder, "Oh, hey Erza."

"Are you alright?" Erza asked even though she could clearly tell I wasn't, "Do I need to go get the captain for that seasickness magic?"

I shook my head, "No, it's…nothing like that." I turned my gaze out to the horizon and Erza asked if I had food poisoning or a stomach bug or if I had simply drank too much. I shook my head, "No, there's nothing that can fix this, and I'd honestly be a bit more worried if there _were_."

"What do you mean?"

I looked down at the water, "You ever make a mistake Erza? One that you can't fix but have wished ever since that you could?"

Erza flinched and after a moment confirmed what her flinch had told me, "Yes."

"Then you're probably familiar with how it feels to be sick with guilt about it," I said quietly, "It's a bit literal for me."

Erza was quiet for a moment and then, "I won't ask. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, but if you ever do, I'll be happy to listen."

I was quiet for a moment, "I don't…she…" I sighed, there were too many things I wanted to say, but none of them were right. I shook my head, "It's hard to talk about without you knowing the full story, and it's not one I can tell without hating myself…which is even more difficult when it's someone who I actually hold in very high regard, who also happens to be Mira's best friend."

"That bad huh?"

I nodded, "I just wish I could tell her…" I grimaced, "…but at this point, I don't think there are any words that could do what I need them to."

"You didn't kill her did you?" Erza asked with a small note of concern.

It wasn't meant as an accusation, but I still flinched like she had struck me, and it still sent chills down my spine as every shred of my self loathing over the matter started screaming in my head. I lurched away and the guilt that I know was in my eyes must've looked very suspicious but there was no helping it, "No, no! I…I _didn't…I __**wouldn't…I'd never…**_"

Erza clapped my head in between her hands and forced me to look her in the eyes, "Calm. Down." And damn but if the authority of the Fairy Queen didn't hold some weight! Have I mentioned how fitting that title is? The instant my eyes met hers, my screaming conscience piped straight down and clammed up, letting my pulse settle back to normal and my gut begin to unclench itself.

"I didn't kill her," I said quietly, feeling very emotionally drained all of a sudden, "But that doesn't stop me from blaming myself for not getting her out of the way of the sick psychotic fuck that did."

"Did you know it was going to happen?" Erza asked firmly, "Did you willingly and knowingly refuse to save her?"

"No! No!" I exclaimed, "I had no idea! I was just a little kid! A really, really _stupid_ kid!"

"Then it's not your fault. Don't beat yourself up about it," Erza said quietly, "If she could see how upset you are about it, I think she'd forgive you."

I don't know why, but for some reason those words that I'd heard from more than one therapist and friend that had never sunk in, for some reason they actually kind of stuck that time. I still couldn't stop the small watery smile as I pulled her into a hug, "She might forgive me Erza, but I don't think I'll ever forgive myself."

Erza was stiff with surprise for a moment and then she hugged me back, "Then you should do your best to live in a way she'd be proud of."

"I try."

"Good," Erza declared before stepping back with a smile. Then the smile turned to her serious face, "Now then! Something very important!" My ears perked up at once, if Erza said it was important, _it was important._

"I heard there was cake on the menu today, have you tried it? Was it strawberry?"

I blinked at the non-sequitur, "Um…I honestly didn't notice, Levy kind of tied me up as soon as I sat down and one thing led to another and then that came up and my stomach tied itself in a knot and…"

"Right!" Erza cut me off, "We must try the cake!"

So saying, she dragged me off back towards the galley with the determination and strength of a particularly stubborn bull. As we went, I couldn't help but wonder, _what even is my life anymore?_

I shot a glance at Erza and a small little smile spread over my face, _madness. Complete and utter madness._

* * *

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_Master nodded, "I see. Very well, I'll make sure everything's taken care of in your absence. Juvia's gone with Gray, Jet, Droy, Ur, Cana and Gildarts to retrieve Juvia and Gajeel's belongings from Oak Town. Is there anyone whose rent I need to see to?"_

_"Just mine and Levy's I believe," Erza replied._

_"Hey is that Jerry?" I heard Mira ask before she walked on screen behind Master Makarov._

_"Hi Mira!" I called happily. I knew the instant I saw her something was **wrong**. I felt the color drain from my face, "Mira?"_


	26. Ch22: Understanding

**AN: _There's nothing like having everything all put together, hitting the save button...and then the goddamn wifi bleeps out on ya. Pardon me if my answers are a little bit short._**

**_Reviewer Replies:_**

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**DarkDrawerJ: **_Glad you're enjoying._

**Raidentensho:** _I had actually never heard of Menace before, but ye__s, Serena looks exactly like that but with lighter skin and an actual dress instead of just the boob-cover/loincloth combo. (reads your comment about the knock up bomb and laughs)_

**Guest: **_Actually I'm rather pleased with myself. Glad you're enjoying._

* * *

_**Ok, now a bit of bad news. This is the last chapter I have complete. So while I'm pretty sure I'll be able to have next week's chapter done in time, I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep up the whole weekly updates thing. When it comes down to it, I may wind up taking a few months off to rebuild my backlog and then restart the weekly posts once I've got a few months worth of chapters built up again (This is such a difficult arc!). Alternatively I could push the update schedule out a bit to give myself more time, like updating every other week or once a month. **_

_**One thing I am NOT willing to do though is sacrifice quality for speed, so if I need to take a bit more time to make sure I'm putting out the best story possible then that's what's going to happen. It could be a moot point, I may be able to keep it up, but I didn't want this blindsiding everybody in the event I can't.**_

_**That's enough gloomy talk though, it's time for...**_

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Understanding**

* * *

"Jerry, what's the range of your projection?" Erza asked suddenly in the middle of her cake.

I thought about it for a moment, "Depends, but…" I pulled out my power gauge and saw that I was still at ninety-nine percent, "I think I can still reach the Guild Hall from here. Hang on." I reached into my pocket and pulled out the Calling Card Cana had showed me how to make at the party. I only had three, but one was plenty. I reached down the link with my magic to the card linked to Master Makarov.

A moment later he picked up, "Jerry? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, hang on a second I'm gonna see if I can use my Projection." I shot the magic in question through the link and a moment later a screen popped up over the table showing Master on the other end.

Master looked around through his screen, "Bit of a fancy place. Erza, you're not making Jerry blow all his money to buy you cake are you?" It was hard to tell whether he was teasing or not.

"Of course not!" Erza replied indignantly after swallowing her bite of cake, "We're on a cruise ship because it was the most rapidly available route to Minstrel. Our client, Dr. Whistler, made the arrangements. I was calling to let you know that we'll be gone for at least a month. I asked the captain and even if we made a top speed beeline for Minstrel, it would take another five days. As is, we have a slight detour to our one stop before we get there on the island of Marraca, so it'll be a full week since we'll be at Marraca for a day. Even if we found the city in a day, which is preposterous, we'd still be gone for a little over two weeks."

"Assuming the map we've been given is to scale and accurate," Levy chimed in from her seat where she still had her nose buried in my letter home, "Then if my calculations are correct, given Jerry's flight speed, at best we could make it to the city's estimated location and back in a week, but given that the map is over two centuries old, there's no telling how much has changed, and it wasn't made with a bird's eye view in mind, so we'll probably have to go by land which the map says took about a month when the map was made. Given the team we've got, I think we can probably shave at least a few days off that, but it'll probably still be at least a few weeks to get there, not to mention whatever time we need to actually find it if it's there, or find proof it _was _there if it's not anymore."

Master nodded, "I see. Very well, I'll make sure everything's taken care of in your absence. Juvia's gone with Gray, Jet, Droy, Ur, Cana and Gildarts to retrieve Juvia and Gajeel's belongings from Oak Town. Is there anyone whose rent I need to see to?"

"Just mine and Levy's I believe," Erza replied.

"Hey is that Jerry?" I heard Mira ask before she walked on screen behind Master Makarov.

"Hi Mira!" I called happily. I knew the instant I saw her something was **_wrong_**. I felt the color drain from my face, "Mira?"

"Master, Erza, would you mind if I take a few moments alone with Jerry?" Master looked up in surprise at the somber note in her voice and then immediately handed her the card, "Take as much time as you need."

Erza and Levy's eyes were both shooting from the screen to me and back. I felt like my heart was about to rip itself out of my chest, _oh-no-oh-no-oh-no…_ I teleported back to my cabin and locked the door. Mira made her way to what I recognized as the Archives and sat down on the couch at about the same time as I sat down on the bed. If this was even a quarter as bad as I was afraid it was going to be, then my legs weren't going to hold me. Judging by the fact that she was sitting down too, I had a very strong hunch it was. _Nononononono…_

Mira was quiet for a moment and then she took a deep breath, "Jerry, I, I don't know how to say this…" I quivered like the last autumn leaf in the first gale of winter, _that's not a good start._

"You, remember how we celebrated your birthday?" Mira asked quietly.

I took two seconds to register that, then every alarm bell in my head **SCREAMED** as my heart **STOPPED,** "You're pregnant?"

Mira flinched and her eyes went wide in surprise, then she looked down with a small smile, "There's that big brain of yours, cutting right to the heart of it. No, I'm not pregnant, but it was…_insanely _close. You remember we had to stop because it was my last safe day?"

I nodded and then it clicked, "…And then we did it again four days later. Shit. I'm sorry Mira, I should've thought about it."

Mira shook her head, "No, it's my fault. I'm the one who started it. I…I'm sorry Jerry." She sat back, "I've, really been having a lot of fun with you. You're, probably the nicest guy I've ever met…and you're definitely the best in bed, but…" she sighed, "That's kind of scaring me too. We're going so fast and it's so easy, I, I could fall in love with you so easily, and…I don't think I'm wrong in guessing that you've already fallen for me."

I took a deep breath. My heart had started beating again, but for all that it was a normal beat, it didn't feel like a healthy one. Must've been the imminent heartbreak I could tell was coming, "I'd be a liar if I said you didn't have me from hello."

Mira grimaced, "Yeah, I know. It's, not that I don't feel the same way…I honestly do. I've just, got some baggage I need to work out. You might not even be back by the time I sort it out, but, this…this scared me. I know you love kids and probably would've come rushing back here to beg me to marry you if I _had _been pregnant, but I'm just not ready for that yet."

I nodded, "I would have. I understand."

Mira's startled eyes snapped up to meet mine, "You do?"

"There aren't many things that can stay hidden from me for long," I declared gently, "If you need time to sort out your feelings for your ex, then I'll be happy to give you as much as you need." I took a deep breath, "I hate pushy people who rush others into things, so the absolute last thing I want to do is make you feel pressured to make a decision, especially a hasty one. I don't like the thought of you choosing him over me, I think that goes without saying, _but _if that's what you decide, then I'll respect that."

Mira's eyes watered, "Y-you would?"

"Tell Laxus if you get back together with him that I'll freakin' _kill him_ if he breaks your heart again, but other than that yeah," I replied dryly.

Mira's eyes went wide, "Who told you?!"

"Nobody. Erza tried to warn me off of hunting him down to kick his ass before I knew who he was," I explained, "She said that it was someone who I'd almost certainly lose against. I think she's underestimating me, but I've also never seen Laxus fight so I don't know. I knew it wasn't Mystogan, Gildarts or Master, and that only left Erza and Laxus. It definitely wasn't Erza, so logically it had to be Laxus. A few little tricks got them to inadvertently confirm it, and you just told me. Erza said he'd already be suffering if you wanted him to but that you had said there was nothing on his end to forgive and asked everybody to drop it."

Mira snorted a little half laugh, "There's not. It's my fault he broke up with me."

"May I ask what happened?" I asked gently.

Mira laughed lightly, "You're probably going to think it's silly. I wanted to have a threesome with Cana."

I blinked as my brain churned up, _ERROR. DOES NOT COMPUTE._ "Come again?"

Mira blushed, "Yeah, apparently he thought I meant a threesome with another _guy _and he flipped out and left. Not that that's not a hot idea, but I've never been able to tell him that's not what I meant. Honestly," she frowned, "After the way he acted, I'm not sure he _deserves_ to know. If it weren't for what we'd had prior to that, I'd say to hell with him and would've probably said screw it on this month's jelly. He was hurt because he thought I was betraying him," she explained softly, "and he's probably _still_ hurting. He _was _wonderful while we were together though, you're the first guy I've ever met who was even half as sweet as him that wasn't like a little brother to me, so I don't want to just let it end like that. I need to get some closure with him, and if…if it leads to us getting back together, I don't want you to just suddenly get blindsided by it when you get back."

I nodded, "I understand, thank you."

Mira laughed lightly, "Are you ever _not_ sweet and understanding?"

"I was utterly _horrible _as a child," I replied flatly, "I've been trying to make up for it ever since."

Mira smiled, "Hmph, something else we have in common. Well, I guess it only makes sense." She sighed, "Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. We take six months off from each other regardless of when you get back, and then if we're still feeling this way on Valentine's Day, we'll get back together and let the dice fall where they may. I can _definitely _corner Laxus before then, so you take this six months to get any womanizing you might need to do taken care of, because if I decide you're mine, You. Are. MINE. I've already told Erza she can play with you as much as she wants because I know you're into her and she's tied with Cana for my first pick to share with. Just try not to get anyone pregnant, okay?"

I blinked in surprise, _So she really DID say that?_

"And Cana wants some attention too when you get back. I totally don't mind, I still want to have a threesome with her sometime." she added, "Oh and if you want to fool around with Lucy, you should probably do that too. I know you've been holding back with her."

"I'll probably actually hold off on Lucy anyway," I replied, "Erza and I found out on the way to meet the client that the entire Galuna Island stunt was Natsu's idea of taking Lucy on a date."

Silence reigned for a FULL minute and then, "**_WHAT?!_**" I spent about the next hour explaining everything that had happened since we left Magnolia, and then another twenty minutes for Mira to explain the situation to Erza and make sure that I didn't get brutally eviscerated for whatever I might get up to in the next six months.

…

* * *

…

That night was karaoke night in the ballroom. We were each given songs upon entry and told that if our number was called it was our turn. Natsu was nowhere to be found, but everyone else was present. Between Erza and Gajeel it was hard to tell who was more excited. If what happened next had been anyone but Levy's doing, I think they both would've been quite upset that they didn't get to sing at all that night.

When her number was called, Levy had had two drinks. TWO. She then proceeded to take the whole stage and the rest of the night was entirely hers. She absolutely _owned_ every song they threw at her, no matter how off the wall it was. It hadn't occurred to me that she could use Transformation magic to alter her voice however she wanted, but the result was that she was able to sing in any key or tone she wanted. If Gajeel hadn't been crushing _hard _on her before that, he definitely was after that one hard rock number.

I might've paid more attention to their reactions, except Serena found me on Levy's third song and wanted to dance. Suffice to say that she was still every bit as good at it as she had been the night before, and the way she quietly sang along to any lines that she thought might be seductive only reinforced that.

After almost twenty minutes of dancing, Serena leaned in close while Levy got the band ready for the next song, "Want to get out of here?"

It took only a split second of consideration. The booze might've had something to do with it. "I'm unattached until at least Valentine's Day," I replied with a grin, "So for tonight at least, your wish is my command milady."

Serena's eyes widened with surprise and then faded into a seductive grin as she jerked her head towards the door, "You'll have to tell me about it. Come on, we'll be able to hear better on the deck." She tugged me towards the exit and I went along with my grin only spreading.

The upper deck was totally abandoned, but it was still lit by strings of lacrima lights here and there along with the light from the moon and stars overhead. Serena headed for the rail and propped against it to look out over the waves. I moved to stand next to her and she smiled over at me, "So, what's that you were saying about being suddenly unattached?"

I snorted lightly, "It's a little complicated." I took a second to think about it, "Basically Mira and I go together very well, but Mira's still got feelings for her ex which she wants time to sort out before she gets serious about our relationship. She told me point blank to sleep around and get any womanizing I might have in me out of my system over this next six months. She thinks there's a chance she'll get back together with her ex, so I think she's trying to make sure I've got something to fall back on if she does." I smiled, "She's thoughtful like that."

"And what about you?" Serena asked, "Are you thoughtful like that?"

I took a deep breath and let it out, "I try really hard to be, but no matter what anyone says, I'm not thoughtful enough."

"Oh?"

I leaned against the rail and shot a glance up at the stars, "I try hard to be nice. It's a mask that's all but grown to my face now, but I still don't like what's under it."

Serena reached out and scratched at my bandages with a teasing little grin, "So what _is _under here?"

"A lot less hair than I'm used to and some pretty good scratches, but they've healed enough that I'm just wearing this to keep my head warm," I admitted with a smile as I reached up and yanked the bandages loose and then off. I turned a smile on her and saw that her eyes had gone wide in shock. I knew it had left a hell of a mark, but I didn't think it was _that _bad, "Serena?"

Serena reached up to my face and traced a thumb over my eye where I was still scarred from the avalanche, "What happened here?" she asked quietly.

"I blew up a mountainside I was standing on by mistake," I answered simply, "I only got use of my right hand back a few days ago."

Serena gave me a politely disbelieving look, "A mountain. You blew up a _mountain _by mistake."

"Judging by the crater, it was only about ten percent of it," I admitted, "My Celestial Spirit partner is the only reason I survived. If she hadn't come through the gate on her own and blown a hole in the avalanche, or if she'd been even a second later, I would've been crushed like a bug. Is that a kraken?"

Serena's head snapped around to look at the tree trunk sized tentacle coming over the rail. I looked around and saw multiple similar tentacles slithering up, "Ohhh yeah, that's a kraken. Gimme a minute. I wanna try something before I call the others." I stepped over to one of the tentacles and raised a hand as I recalled Master Precht's words, _Safety can induce sheer all-consuming panic, which can turn even the most disciplined armies into a catastrophic rout due to sheer terror._ I charged my hand with what I judged to be almost ten percent of my full power and calmly ordered the tentacle, "_RUN._"

A blinding burst of light erupted from my hand and slammed into the tentacle. The tentacles _froze _immediately, and then nothing happened for a moment. A minute passed, then two, then the tentacles all but _leapt _off the sides of the ship and a massive wake suddenly ripped up through the waves as the kraken fled as fast as it could.

I grinned and almost glowed with pride as I laughed, "I just sent the Kraken _packin'!_" I gleefully fist pumped, "Oh man I'm gonna have so many good stories to tell when I get back!" I turned around and saw Serena giving me a very frightened look, "Serena?"

I noticed a faint tremble as she whispered, "Oh god you're serious…_an ENTIRE MOUNTAIN?!_" she demanded.

"No, a _tenth _of a mountain," I clarified before musing, "Although, I was a _lot _weaker when I did that… Ya know, I bet I _could _do a whole mountain now…"

"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE REASSURING?!"

I smiled, "Don't worry Serena, I actually have very good control. I did the mountain with a secondary magic that I was learning and I underestimated its strength. My primary magic isn't the 'blowing things up' kind of magic. Well, I mean it _can _be but that's an offshoot into the general area instead of my personal… You know what? You're still looking really scared and there's really no reason to be, so I have to wonder if I overdid it with the kraken and caught you in the back draft of my 'get scared and run away' spell?"

"Get scared and run away spell?" Serena echoed faintly.

I nodded, "That's literally all I did. My primary magic is mostly mental. I can make people happy or afraid, or hungry or sleepy, and I can make them not those things as well. I don't know why I'd want to inhibit the 'happy' feelings, but I probably could if I had to. The 'no sleepy' and 'no hungry' are much more obvious." I jerked my thumb in the direction the kraken had fled in, "That's the first time I've ever used the fear manipulation aspect."

"And you chased off a _kraken_ with it," Serena declared, "What kind of monster wizard are you?!"

"I like to think I'd be a dragon," I told her with a gently teasing smile, "I don't know how or why I'm strong, I just count my blessings and try to help as best I can. I actually think I'm pretty weak as far as the 'monster' category goes. I'm sure any of the S-Class could trounce me if I didn't have absolutely _everything _leveraged in my favor, and even then, I'm sure they'd put up one hell of a fight." Serena still looked absolutely terrified.

I sighed, glanced at the ground and scratched my head, "Ehm…that's not helping you calm down at all is it? Erm…" I charged a hand with the intent of conveying a sense of safety and security. It glowed faintly and I extended it to her palm up, "If you'd like, this magic in my palm will help you calm down. It's not my _happy-happy-happy!_ magic, but it should have a calming effect. I don't want to scare you, but I think I already have, so please," I smiled, "let me make that right."

Serena met my gaze for a moment and then tentatively reached out and touched her fingertips to the glow in my palm. All the tension went out of her immediately and I had to lunge forward to catch her as her knees gave out, "Serena!"

_Ohshitshitshitshitshit!_ I panicked as I started trying to use the sixth sense of material awareness my telekinesis granted to check for a pulse. I blinked in surprise as I found her heart beat to be slow, steady and strong, then she wrapped her arms around me and set her head on my shoulder.

"I don't care what we do or don't do," she told me quietly, "Hold me tonight."

And there went _MY _pulse into _boogedyboogedyboogedy!_ territory, "Come again?" I asked in as calm a voice as I could manage.

"I have chronic nightmares," she admitted softly, "My whole family does. It's a good night for me if I only wake up drenched in a cold sweat twice. I can't remember the last time I went a full night without a nightmare. Please, if you can let me sleep peacefully for even one night…I'll do anything. Money, my body, _anything_…just please, give me this."

My heart stopped hammering and just flat out _stopped _for a second in shock at what I was hearing. Then I gently hugged her to me, "No, I won't charge you anything. Of course I'll help you. I don't know much about enchantment, but my friend Levy knows a bit, and she's much more experienced with magic than I am. Between the two of us I'm sure we can make you something so that you won't have to have me every time you want to sleep. For right now though, let's get you to a bed. I promise I won't do anything but hold you tonight. Is that alright?"

Serena nodded and I gently picked her up in a bridal carry since she was still clinging to me like a life preserver, "Alright then, upsy daisy. You want to go to my room or yours?"

She told me quietly that it didn't matter, and I headed for my room since I didn't know where hers was. Before I had taken five steps, she was snoring softly in my arms.

…

* * *

…

The next morning Erza came to find me and let me know we'd made land. I was on the couch with Serena still asleep on my chest, so I motioned for Erza to not make too much noise. She stopped the instant she saw my face and froze like she'd seen a ghost. I could almost hear the gears screeching and grinding in her brain as she tried to comprehend the resemblance to my doppelganger. I'd been rather floored by it myself when I realized how strong the resemblance actually was, so for someone who had known him for so long, it wasn't surprising that she'd have a hard time with it. She came around the couch for a better look and I smiled, "Oh yeah, forgot this is the first time you've seen me without my face all bandaged up."

"I know Mira said you looked like him…" Erza said quietly, her eyes still locked on my face, "But this is insane…"

"Not really," I replied, "According to Mystogan, everybody's got a pretty exact double in the parallel world he's from called Edolas. I've already seen evidence of the same being true in my world since Gajeel and Juvia are all but carbon copies of my best friends back home. There are some key personality differences according to Mystogan, and I think I'm starting to cotton on to them. Like Gajeel being kinda antisocial as opposed to Gabe who's Mr. Popular back home. I haven't been around Juvia enough to spot the differences between her and Julie yet, but off hand I'm gonna guess it's the way Juvia acts all shy and emotionless at first." I snorted with a small grin, "You couldn't make Julie do 'shy' if you paid her."

"I guess you've already heard about your counterpart here then. Have you met him yet?" Erza mused quietly, "What are the differences between you and him?"

"Offhand, I'd say that I'm not as much of an out-and-out _dick,_" I replied with a small wry grin, "Other than that, I don't really know much about him other than the stuff that everybody knows, so I couldn't say."

"And, you're an evil genius, right?" Erza asked warily.

I sighed, "Erza are you still worried about that? I'm not evil! I'm too logical for that crap."

"What's logic got to do with it?" Erza asked as she slumped back on the couch, and was that _bitterness _in her tone?

"Don't be bitter Erza it doesn't suit you in the slightest," I told her bluntly. Erza flinched in surprise and I nodded, "As for the illogicality of evil, think about it. If you're evil, then nobody trusts you. Even the people who _should _trust you or you really _want _to trust you, won't because they know you're evil. If you're evil, then everyone will constantly be trying to hunt you down and thwart your plans. Everything becomes infinitely more difficult if you're evil or even just have a reputation for it. That and you have to either completely shut down all empathy for other people or become an out and out sadist. Only a fool or a monster could willingly be evil," I declared quietly, "There are those who get forced or tricked into doing evil things, but that's different. There are people like me who can get inside the minds of those who _are _evil and figure out their motives, goals and methods. That doesn't make either party evil, just different. No matter how much I joke about it, or how hard I beat myself up over that mistake that's tormented me ever since, I'm not evil. Never could be. Evil pisses me off too much."

Erza was quiet for a moment and then, "Well when you put it like that, I guess I'll just have to trust you."

I growled, "What, do you wanna look through my memories or something?"

Erza flinched and looked at me in surprise, "You would, let me do that?"

"Will it make you stop looking at me like I'm a bomb?"

Erza glanced towards the door, then she glanced at Serena and her nervousness was _very _obvious, "Is…isn't that kind of…insanely private? Not that I'm not flattered that you would trust me that much, and it would be very reassuring since that level of strength in evil hands would be nothing short of terrifying, but…"

I extended a hand with a bit of glow in my palm, "I don't have to show you everything, and you won't need to see much. Just my feelings about the closest thing to an evil act I've ever committed should be enough for you to understand exactly why I couldn't be evil if I wanted to."

Erza requipped her gauntlet off and tentatively reached out to touch my palm before flinching back at the last second, "This isn't going to make me vomit like you did is it?"

"It shouldn't," I answered. Erza nodded and took my hand. From the look of immediate pain that twisted her face and the way she suddenly clamped down on my hand with enough force that I'm certain it would've broken if I'd still been at one percent, I'd say she was getting the full blast of it. Then that awful memory erupted into the forefront of my mind and I realized what was happening. Erza must've caught a glimpse of it and now she was actively ripping the context for my feelings out of the depths of my mind. I hadn't realized it would rattle her that badly, but…I allowed the memories to flow. There'd be no doubt for anyone who saw them that there was no way I could be evil. I was slightly confused when she started digging through every scrap of information leading up to that most horrible day of my life, but I wasn't going to stop her. Erza's thorough and doesn't half-ass anything, so her determination to learn the whole story didn't surprise me.

A few minutes later, the memories stopped and Erza sat back. Going by the ragged breathing and the 'ghostly pale drenched in sweat because I just came out of a horrible nightmare' face she had on, I'd say her heart was hammering and that it had hit her just as hard as still hit me. It made sense, it wasn't the sort of thing any decent person could learn of, let alone experience, without being absolutely horrified. With Archive having rendered all my memories crystal clear, there was no doubt in my mind that she'd felt every emotion I had that day. That said though…

I sat up as much and quick as I could, reaching out to catch her hand back and flood her with 'Sense of Security' (as I had decided to dub it). Nobody should have to suffer like that.

Erza's trembling immediately stilled and the color started to come back to her face. "Are you alright Erza?"

Erza took a deep unsteady breath and then nodded. She was quiet for a moment and then, "I believe you. Those aren't the memories or feelings of an evil person." She got her poker face back on quick and stood up to leave, "We've made port at Puerta Samba, so if you want to see it then you should probably get a move on. If you're not too preoccupied of course," she added with a grin.

She left and closed the door behind her. The instant the door clicked closed, Serena opened her eyes and sat up, easily straddling me as she pushed me back down onto the couch with a grin, "You're preoccupied." And then I was!

That being said, I'll have to write this next chapter from third person because it bears recounting, but I heard about this next bit from the others.

...

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**...**

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_Erza paused as someone called, "Hey, are you Erza Scarlet?!" She turned and found herself confronted with a young woman with snow white hair, piercing green eyes and an extremely pretty face marred by two admittedly very impressive scars over her right eye and left cheek. She had on a black leather jacket over a matching leotard and boots, with what looked like an awful lot of long knives in sheaths at her waist._

_"Yes I am," Erza replied cautiously, that grin was way too similar to Natsu looking for a fight, "But you have the advantage of me. What may I call you?"_

_ "No need to be formal Erza," the white-haired girl replied, "You can call me Jack. I want to fight you._


	27. Ch23: Miguel

**AN: ****_Man oh man, THIS was a difficult chapter to get written and get right! I think I was stuck on this for like three or four months! But now it's here, and now, as always, it's time for Reviewer Replies! :D_**

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**_Raidentensho: _**_Ya know, I actually wasn't even thinking about that, but that is a good movie now that you mention it! Haven't seen those three, but I'm very glad you like the Fate reference, because that means you're gonna absolutely FLIP before this story's over._

**_DarkDrawerJ:_**_ Don't worry, the harem route has an 11 vote lead, and if it wins (which at this point, with less than a month left on the poll, I'd say it's extremely likely to) then I guarantee Miraxus ain't happenin' because Mira is of course Jerry's (SPOILERS) and currently dearest lover who in the case of the harem route (SPOILERS) and is quite open to sharing with Erza, Cana, etc., as well as (SPOILERS) which is going to be much more important overall in the long run should the harem route win. It wouldn't be AS important otherwise, but if it wins then it will be SUPER important. Honestly though, Mira x Laxus ain't one of my favorite ships either, and the odds of me letting it happen even if the harem route doesn't win and Mira's not Jerry's true end pairing (and no I'm not telling early whether she is or not) are growing slimmer with every new issue of 100 Year Quest. Why? Because Kyria's really starting to grow on me._

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_**As always, thanks for the comments, they really do make my day. If anyone has any questions they want to ask, please don't be shy! I'll answer anything that's not TOO spoilery, and it really and truly is fuel on the fire when I know people are enjoying my work.**_

_**And now, it's time for...**_

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**Chapter 23 – Miguel **

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In the middle of a sizable crowd near the docks were two men wearing sunglasses. One was blonde and had long dreadlocks pouring out from beneath his rainbow knit beanie. The other had short dark brown hair that stuck out wildly from beneath his black and blue beanie. Both had beards down to their chests. The two were currently dancing and singing as the one with the dark brown hair played a lute. "TONS OF GOLD FOR YOU HA! TONS OF GOLD FOR ME HA! TONS OF GOLD FOR _WE _HA!"

As their singing would imply, the two were on a hot streak gambling and had stacked up a considerable amount of Violas. Violas were the gold coin currency of Minstrel which were worth almost four to one what the Jewel was due to how vast Minstrel was by comparison. The two had amassed nearly a million jewel in the space of a few hours with their insane luck.

Of course, no such luck could last forever, and as an old woman with stark white hair and glasses stepped forward, the two gamblers' luck was about to run out. "I'll try a roll. Surely you wouldn't begrudge an old grandma a chance to double her money right?" she asked, her voice a wheezy creak.

The two young men immediately accepted her challenge, and in quick order the wager was decided. If the old woman won, the two men would give her double her money, but if she lost, she would give them all the money she had wagered. Just as the young blonde man was about to roll, the old woman raised her hand, "A moment sonny, I'd like to use _my _dice."

The two young men _froze_ for a brief instant and then, "Yeah, yeah, that's fine," said the blonde man, quickly scooping the dice from her outstretched hand. As he did so though, his own dice fell from his pocket. The old woman immediately snatched them up and rolled them, getting the same 12 the two young men had been rolling the whole afternoon. She lifted the dice, held them upside down so that 12 was facing the bottom and dropped them. Yet still, the dice landed on 12. "**_I KNEW IT!"_** she shrieked, "**_THESE DICE ARE LOADED!"_**

The two young men immediately froze as the mood of the entire crowd suddenly shifted into something bearing alarming resemblance to a lynch mob. The dark haired man intensified his lute strumming with an expression of exaggerated seriousness on his face until the blonde man's hand snapped out to still him, "Stop that."

Then the blonde man turned an angry expression on his partner, "You gave me _loaded dice?!_"

"Hell no I didn't give you no loaded dice!" the dark haired man snapped back, "Them yo dice!"

"You callin' me a thief?!" the blonde man barked.

"I call yo ass a thief and a liar too!" the dark haired man snapped, "You best give them peoples they money back afo I'ma hafta whoop yo ass!"

"You wanna go?!" The blonde man roared, "I'll _make_ you give that money back!"

The dark haired man's response was a punch straight to the blonde man's jaw. The blonde man staggered back and bumped into a guard. He snatched the guard's sword from its sheath and brandished it like he knew what he was doing, "En garde!"

"Oh you think you hot shit?!" the dark haired man snapped as he reached behind him to the sword of another guard, "I'll gut yo ass!"

Then he realized he was holding a dinky little four inch dagger, "But not with that," He added as he shoved the dagger back into its sheath at the guard's waist and yanked forth the sword he'd been reaching for.

The two leapt at each other and began a heated duel, their blades flashing out and around them in a whirlwind of steel that ensured nobody came close. They shouted insults back and forth at each other as their blades flew.

"You fight like my sister!"

"Yo sistah's a gorilla! That's a compliment!"

"What did you say about my sister?!"

"You heard me!"

The blonde haired man renewed his assault and forced the dark haired man up a nearby stack of crates. The two climbed the crates, all the while fiercely continuing their duel as the crowd watched with baited breath. In the midst of the show, nobody noticed the old woman scooping the two gamblers' winnings into a sack and sneaking away. They were all too busy watching as the blonde man leapt onto the roof to avoid the dark haired man's slash, sending the tower of crates tumbling as he did. For a moment it looked as though the dark haired man might win, then the blonde succeeded in disarming him with a flourish before holding the sword to his throat, "AHA!"

The crowd cheered, sure that justice had prevailed.

…Only for the two con-men to throw their arms over each other's shoulders and shoot them matching grins as they tossed the swords back. "We hope you enjoyed the show!" the blonde called with a massive grin.

"See ya suckas!" the dark haired man added as they jumped off the other side of the roof and right out of sight.

Unknown to any of the crowd, the two men were engulfed in a whirl of dark purple runes as they landed. The two who gave calm directions to the enraged mob that raced around the corner a second later looked nothing like they had a mere moment before. The blonde man with matted dreadlocks now had silky green hair which fell neatly over the shoulders of his red overcoat and oozed class and intelligence, the furthest possible cry from his disguise. Nobody would ever suspect _him_ of wearing a rainbow knit beanie, unless they knew it was tucked into his coat because he had knitted it himself. The dark-haired man's face was largely concealed behind the visor of his helmet which obscured nearly everything about him from the shoulders up. His whole body was covered in black armor with blue pinstripes and his grin stretched from one side of his face to the other as his tongue wagged free while he watched the angry mob chase down the wild geese he and his best friend had just sent them after.

"Excellent show boys!" the old woman declared as she strode up, her back no longer hunched and her white wig yanked off to reveal the dirty blonde beneath it as the rest of her disguise turned into a lime green fairy dress.

The green haired man smiled, "Thank you Ever. Though it is quite wrong to fleece the gullible, it does ensure our missions always come back profitable."

"How big of a haul did we get?" the helmeted man asked excitedly.

"Over nine hundred fifty thousand jewel if I'm doing the conversion correctly," Evergreen replied with a grin as she hefted the sack.

The green haired man nodded proudly, "Excellent. I'm sure Laxus will be most pleased with our haul."

"I don't know," declared a new voice that caused the three wizards to whip around to look at its source. Levy just grinned at them mischievously from her perch atop a nearby fence, "I think he might be a little disappointed if he knew how you got that money Freed."

"Levy?" Freed asked in shock, "What are you doing here?"

"It's good ta' see ya, but what brings ya all the way out ta' Marraca?" the helmeted man asked with a slightly smaller grin than usual.

"You surely wouldn't be considering reporting this to the Master would you?" Evergreen asked as her hand flew to her glasses, "We're friends right?"

Levy smiled with her eyes near shut as she noticed Evergreen's hand go up, "I don't know about friends since you guys are always keeping to yourselves so much. You don't act very friendly to everyone else, but we are still guildmates and you are still part of the family. So no, I won't report you," The three wizards breathed a sigh of relief which immediately turned to alarm as Levy rose to crouch atop the fence and added with a grimace, "That said though, I am _really _sorry about this…bye!" She turned and hopped off the other side of the fence.

The three wizards looked at each other. "What was that about?" Evergreen wondered. Then she and Freed realized their helmeted friend was looking straight past them and had gone alarmingly pale. "Bickslow?" Freed asked, "What's wrong?"

Bickslow pointed behind them and they turned in unison, immediately realizing _exactly _what was wrong, and what Levy had been apologizing for. Erza's eyes slowly opened, glowing with crimson magical power and fury as she stepped out of the shadows, "Let me see if I can put this to you three in terms that I am certain you will understand…_REQUIP._"

On the other side of the fence Levy and Lucy winced in unison as lightning flashed and thunder roared, nearly drowning out the screams of terror from the other side of the fence. Erza's wrath was _not _something to be trifled with, as anyone who had ever crossed her would attest. After that day, the wizard team known as the Thunder Legion counted themselves on that list.

…

* * *

…

Natsu, Gajeel and Happy were drawn by the tension in the air. The little orientally designed pub was crowded, but a large space had been cleared around a table in the middle of the room, where a blonde man with hair down past his shoulders and a thick beard that looked like it hadn't seen so much as a pair of scissors in years was cautiously eyeing the three very large and imposing men standing across from him. The air absolutely stank of an impending brawl.

"So, what's it gonna be?" the leader of the three men asked gruffly. "You gonna come quietly, or are we gonna have to drag ya back to the boss?"

"Again gentlemen," the blonde man replied, "I am _not _the man you are looking for."

"You're blonde, you've got a beard, you're not from around here, and you wear a rainbow colored hat," the large man on the left declared as he lifted and waved a colorful sombrero before throwing it back onto the table, "You expect us to believe there's more than one punk runnin' around this town that looks like that?"

"Clearly there is," the man at the table replied.

"You know what?" the man on the right declared, "I've had enough of this." He lunged and suddenly the man at the table slammed his fist onto his plate of dumplings and sent three of them flying into the air as he roared, "DAN!"

He erupted to his feet in the blink of an eye, one of his chopsticks in his hand poised like a needle to stab as he struck a combative stance with a fearsome expression, his voice dropping to an ominous rumbling growl, "**_GOOOOO…_**" The three men accosting him froze and braced for the attack they were sure was coming.

Then the dumplings began to fall and the blonde man's hand flashed out in a flurry of movement, _CHCHCH!_ neatly spearing the three dumplings into a stack on the chopstick. He hadn't taken his eyes off the three men and despite the fact that the last dumpling on the improvised kebab had been falling _behind _him, he had still speared it perfectly through the center.

"_Stick," _the blonde man declared sharply as he brought his arm around to bite a dumpling. His fearsome gaze was still locked onto the three men, keeping them at bay even as he calmly sat back down. The entire pub stared at him as he calmly finished chewing and swallowed, his terrifying glare still locked on the three men like a hawk daring a mouse to move. After he swallowed, he calmly set his improvised dango on his plate and sat forward, steepling his fingers to ask, "Will there be any _further _problems gentlemen?" His tone made it clear that a beating would ensue if there were.

A stunned moment later one of the three men regained his wits and started to get angry, "_You sneaky little..."_

The blonde man's gaze locked onto him with renewed ferocity as he erupted to his feet once more, his hand this time grasping his mug, "**CUP."**

The man who'd spoken stumbled back in terror at the sudden waves of killing intent radiating off the blonde man. Then the terrifying aura vanished as the blonde man sat back down, "of booze!" and promptly took a long drink.

Once again, the entire room could do nothing but stare in shock at the man's effortless cowing of the three thugs. The leader of the thugs opened his mouth to say something and the blonde man immediately slammed his cup down on the table, "**DINE!"**

He erupted to his feet, this time lifting his chair in one hand and holding it like a fencing saber ready to thrust, "**AAAAAND…**" The three men facing him immediately started trying to distance themselves, suddenly certain that this time he really meant to do them harm.

The blonde man let the tension build for almost a full minute, "**_DASH!_****" **He suddenly grabbed his sombrero, dropped his chair and dove out the open window into the street beyond.

Silence reigned for almost a full two minutes as the onlookers tried to process what just happened. Then the three men regained their wits as their leader leapt to his feet, "AFTER HIM!" They all immediately tried to follow the blonde man out the window, only for the first to trip and faceplant, the second to trip over the first, and the leader to slap a hand over his face in exasperation and embarrassment while the whole pub began to howl with laughter.

Suddenly the blonde man was standing next to Gajeel, Natsu and Happy, striking a pose as he strummed out a quick riff on a mandolin, gathering the pub's attention to him so he could yell, "Arrrriba!" Then he ran away laughing as the three men picked themselves up and raced off after him.

Natsu, Happy and Gajeel watched them go with a grin, only to nearly jump from their skins as the blonde man popped up seemingly out of nowhere next to them, "I say…those marks on your shoulders, might you be Fairy Tail wizards?"

"Yeah that's right," Gajeel replied.

"DUDE! That was hilarious!" Natsu exclaimed.

The blonde man smiled, "Yes I rather thought so as well. Would you care to join me? I do actually intend to pay," he added to the slightly less than amused waitress who was tapping her foot at him, "I just thought you might like me to avert a potential brawl."

The waitress sighed and then put on a smile, "Alrighty then! What can I get you two to drink?"

A few minutes later Natsu, Gajeel and Happy sat around the table with their new friend and he continued his earlier train of thought, "Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Dr. Miguel Whistler, I have a proposition for you, and I will pay you quite handsomely if you will take me up on it."

The name immediately got their attention, "Did you say Doc Whistler?!"

Before Miguel could answer, a girl with long unruly dark hair and an old, worn, black leather duster popped up next to them, "Hey, sorry to bother you, have any of you seen a ridiculously cute tiny blonde girl? She's about this big, green eyes, smells like burning ozone and she's wearing a red shirt," she declared as she held her hand at about waist height, "She ran off when I took my eyes off her for a second, but it kind of smelled like she came this way."

"Huh?" Gajeel asked eloquently, then the girl's scent hit him and his eyes went wide, "WAIT A MINUTE…"

"No? Okay sorry byebye!" the girl declared with a teasing grin before taking off as fast as she could.

"HEY YOU! GET BACK HERE!" Gajeel bellowed, "I GOT SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU!" The girl's only response was a laugh that prompted Gajeel to take off after her as fast as he could.

Miguel blinked at Gajeel's rapidly retreating form, "What was that all about?"

"Dunno," Natsu replied, "Don't worry about it. Gajeel can take care of himself. So you're Doc Whistler's grandson huh? I thought he said you were dead?"

Miguel flinched like Natsu had punched him, "No, I'm the only survivor of my team, and I came close a few times, but I'm not dead. I got lost in the desert on my way back and I had no money for a fare back to Fiore so I've been having to work to gather funds to go home. Since you said you talked to him, I suppose that means my grandfather is still alive?"

Natsu nodded, "Yeah, he's sad because he thinks you're dead but he's still getting around alright. I didn't know it was possible to be that old and put your foot on your head. I can't put my foot on my head."

Miguel breathed a sigh of relief and then tentatively asked, "That's good, and since you know him I guess you're here on your way to Minstrel already and have agreed to take on the Mattachu quest?"

"Yeah that's right," Natsu replied, "Me and my team. We've got six of us but I'm not sure where the others are right now. We just stopped here because this is where the ship was stopping. We're supposed to be heading for Minstrel tomorrow I think."

Miguel was quiet for a moment and then, "I suppose it's too much to ask for, but, do you by chance know anything of my fiancée Jean Darc?"

"You mean that pretty blonde girl that said she was Doc Whistler's assistant?"

Miguel caught Natsu by the shoulders, "You saw her?! Is she alright?! Does she think I'm dead too? Has she given up on me? Is she seeing someone else? Can I win her back? What does he look like?! Is he good to her?!_Is she happy?!_"

Natsu looked mildly annoyed, "Dude what are you getting so worked up about? She didn't have anybody else's scent on her and she looked like she was about to cry when you were brought up."

Miguel's grip clenched tight enough that it would've left finger shaped bruises on anyone less durable than Natsu as he whispered, "She's still waiting for me…" He lowered his gaze to try to conceal the tears threatening to overflow, "Thank you…thank you so much…"

"So did you actually find the city?" Natsu asked, "Our job was to find out whether it was real or not, but if you found it first then all we have to do is get you home."

Miguel's head snapped up, "No, we can't go back without proof! I had to abandon what little proof I had in order to make it back alive, but I can guide an expedition back to the city! I wouldn't have gotten lost in that desert if not for the sandstorm, I'm certain I can lead us back there! Prepared this time! I remember the dangers so I won't let another expedition fall prey to them the way mine did."

"Oh! Well that's good," Natsu declared although Miguel did note that he didn't actually seem too enthused about it, "Let's get something to eat and then I'll take you to meet the others."

Miguel nodded, "Yes, that sounds wonderful. Thank you so much…um…" he floundered for a moment, "I just realized I haven't even asked you your name yet."

"Natsu."

"NATSU DRAGNEEL THE SALAMANDER?!"

"Yep, that's me."

…

* * *

…

Erza paused as someone called, "Hey, are you Erza Scarlet?!" She turned and found herself confronted with a young woman with snow white hair, piercing green eyes and an extremely pretty face marred by two admittedly very impressive scars over her left eye and right cheek. She had on a black leather jacket over a matching leotard and boots, with what looked like an awful lot of long knives in sheaths at her waist.

"Yes I am," Erza replied cautiously, that grin was _way_ too similar to Natsu looking for a fight, "But you have the advantage of me. What may I call you?"

"No need to be formal Erza," the white-haired girl replied, "You can call me Jack. I want to fight you. Right now, while I've got a chance because I may never get another opportunity to fight you on even footing."

"What makes you say that?" Erza asked cautiously as she summoned a sword. Such a blatant challenger was unpredictable, and might not care about causing a ruckus in the middle of town. _I have to lure her out of the city…_

Jack just laughed as a long, wicked looking knife appeared seemingly out of nowhere in her hand, "Oh don't worry, you'll get it eventually. For now, let's hop over to that nice cliff overlooking the port, there aren't any civilians over there."

"I still haven't agreed to fight you," Erza pointed out warily.

Jack's sudden horrified and utterly gob smacked expression caught Erza completely off guard, "But you've _never…_" Jack suddenly clamped her mouth shut like she'd almost let slip a secret and then she shook her head and schooled her features into a determined glare as she pointed at Erza, "Look! I know you're a very busy woman, but I am a huge fan of yours and I've trained for years to be able to fight like you, so can you just humor me and let me go all out against you?! Just this once?!"

Erza blushed lightly and then, "I'm sorry, but I'm on a mission right now, I need to be in peak condition for the trials ahead!"

Jack frowned thoughtfully and then an idea visibly crossed her mind. Erza felt a creeping dread as Jack's frown turned to an utterly devious smirk. "Alright Erza," Jack declared in an extremely dangerous tone, "I'll make you a little _bet."_ Erza tensed, whatever this woman was about to say, it would almost certainly be some sort of threat to goad her into a fight.

"If you win, I will give you a _map _to the field where the legendary _Maximum Sweet Strawberries _can be found."

Erza's jaw dropped, "T-the _Maximum Sweet Strawberries?!_ YOU KNOW WHERE THOSE ARE?!" The Maximum Sweet Strawberry was a legend among dessert makers! Erza only knew of it from an old pastry chef who had once had the opportunity to buy and use one from a travelling wizard. They were a myth, a ghost story, a fanciful tale of ultimate bliss in the form of strawberry flavored purity and goodness!

Jack crossed her arms and chuckled, her smirk growing ever wider as she realized she had Erza hooked, "I know _exactly _where they grow. My daddy used to take me every year when I was a little girl and I know the route by heart. But if _you _want to know, then you have to fight me, _and!_" She added with a dare in her eye as she grinned out her challenge at Erza, "If you _refuse _to fight me, then I'll lay a curse on you so that you won't find them for at _least _seven years, if you ever do!"

"You're on," Erza declared.

Jack's grin grew, "Ahahah, I haven't told you what I get if _I _win."

Erza's breath caught and her heart skipped a beat, of course there was a catch! Such a magnificent reward would certainly carry a proportional risk! "Go on," Erza ordered, her whole mind suddenly screaming to proceed with caution.

Jack's grin turned absolutely predatory, "If I defeat you, then I will take something from you as proof of my victory. One day, I will return it to you. When I do, you must remember this day and tell my family that I defeated you."

Erza blinked, _that's…actually very reasonable, but… _"What will you take?"

Jack wagged her dagger nonchalantly, "Pfft, doesn't matter to me. Just gimme something that'll remind you of your defeat even if I don't return it for like, twenty years or something since it may actually take me that long! Come on, enough dawdling, you in? Maximum strawberries for you or ultimate validation for me?"

Erza brandished her sword, a confident smirk growing, "I accept."

…

* * *

…

A few blocks away, Bickslow groaned in the crater Erza's wrath had left his team in, "I don't care if it's Laxus saying it, next person I hear act like Erza's anything less than terrifying when she gets pissed off is getting smacked."

The lightning bolts had packed a lot more telekinetic punch than voltage. She hadn't been trying to kill them, but she hadn't been holding back much either. What little of their skin wasn't bright red and so sensitive that even the brush of fabric felt like sandpaper was rapidly bruising. Erza hadn't used the blade of her spear, but that hadn't made the sledgehammer like blows any less painful.

"Agreed," Freed grunted with his right eye swollen shut and purple from a collision with Erza's heel, "Truly we have been badly underestimating her. It would appear the S-Class is more evenly balanced than we had believed." He tried to push himself up into a sitting position but only managed to raise himself up onto shaky elbows.

"How can anyone mistake her for a fairy?" Evergreen grumbled as she slumped a little deeper into the crater, pulling off her glasses to try and rub the neon spots and starbursts from her eyes. Erza's lightning might not have been very high voltage, but it was _definitely _bright enough to blind them all and prevent them from using their magic. "You know, she went straight for debilitating our eye magic, do you think if I caught her with my Stone Eyes…"

"Ever, don't." Bickslow groaned as he rolled over, "Just… don't." Evergreen pouted at him through one squinty eye as she put her glasses back on.

"Bickslow is right," Freed groaned as he rolled and finally managed to push himself back to his feet, "Any fight with Erza is sure to get everyone involved badly injured." He winced as he took a breath and tried to straighten up, "That feels like cracked ribs OOF!"

Freed's ribs were not merely cracked, they were outright broken. This made the tiny blonde cannonball slamming into his gut and knocking him back flat while delightedly squealing, "UNCLE FREEEEED!" all the less welcome.

…

* * *

…

Lucy and Levy did a surprisingly well choreographed double-take as the two boys ran past them cackling. One had white hair, one had dark blue. A moment later there was a muted _pow_ and suddenly both boys were covered in pink goo. "I have _officially _had enough of your antics," declared the dark haired woman in the white cowboy hat as she holstered her pistol before striding down the street.

She tipped her hat as she strode down the street, "Miss Lucy, Miss Levy." She made it almost three steps before she froze. Lucy and Levy blinked at her in surprise as it registered that she knew their names and then the dark haired woman shot an utterly terrified glance over her shoulder at them. "Ohhh…" she groaned quietly under her breath before snapping, "_SHIT!"_ She immediately raced to catch the two wriggling boys trapped in pink gum, snatched them up and dragged them into an alley before poking her head back out to yell at Lucy and Levy, "_YOU SAW NOTHING!"_ Then she disappeared down the alleyway with her two new prisoners.

Levy and Lucy stared at the spot where she'd been for a moment. "Did those two look like Natsu and Gray to you?"

Then a girl about the same age as the two boys with dark hair and a leather duster popped up out of nowhere, hugged Levy tight, and ran off after the three laughing. "SHRIMP STOP THAT GIRL!" Gajeel bellowed as he erupted out of an alley.

"_SOLID SCRIPT MAGIC HOLE!"_ Levy snapped off reflexively, her fingers suddenly pointing at the quickly retreating girl. A gaping pit in the shape of the word 'HOLE' opened not two steps in front of the girl. The girl jumped, twisted sideways midair and snagged the top of the Solid Script Wall that erupted on the other side of the hole. Then she effortlessly flung herself over it, just narrowly ahead of Gajeel as he vaulted both in a running leap.

Levy and Lucy looked after them, "Do you think we should go after them?"

…

* * *

…

Jack paused as she and Erza reached the clifftop and pulled a buzzing card from her pocket, "Hey Snipes, what's up? Yeah. Uh-huh, didn't you? Well did you catch them? I'm over here on the cliff with Erza. What?" A highly unamused expression settled over her face, "Excuse me?" A very frustrated sigh escaped her, "She knows better than that. Can you handle it?" There was a very indignant reply and Jack answered flatly, "Did you hear who I'm standing next to? …Do you really have to ask me that?!"

Jack was quiet for a moment as the person on the other end said something, "She's _where?!_"

…

* * *

…

Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow felt as though they were in a bit of a daze. Freed idly wondered if he had a concussion as the tiny adorable blonde happily ate her ice cream on the stool next to him. There was absolutely no doubt who she was, although how someone as huge, intimidating and powerful as Laxus had managed to produce such a tiny and adorable child was utterly beyond him. Granted nothing was beyond Laxus and surely if he wanted a tiny, adorable child that's what he would've had, but aside from the hair and eyes there was absolutely no resemblance. She was honestly far too cute to be related to Laxus, but at the same time, there was absolutely no doubt who she was. It had to have been from her mother's side, Freed mused. Then an idea occurred to him.

"Mavis sweety," Freed asked with a small smile, "Can you tell me your mother's name?"

"Mommy!" Mavis replied happily.

Evergreen and Bickslow quietly facepalmed as Freed grimaced, _Yes, she is DEFINITELY Laxus's child._

…

* * *

…

Jack sighed irritably, "Of course she is. Fine, let her enjoy her ice cream. If there's anyone we can trust with her it's those three. Did they figure out who she is? Of course they did. How about the others? Did you find them yet?" The answer turned Jack's expression from irritable to cold fury, "_What do you mean you haven't found them?_"

Erza was about to ask if there was anything she could do to help and then another card started buzzing in Jack's other pocket. "Hang on," Jack grumbled, "That's them." She fished out the other card as she flipped the other one down to her waist to utterly _snarl_ into the card with an expression of fury that even Erza found impressive, "_WHERE. ARE. YOU?"_

She listened to the reply and then snapped, "_Don't you snark me you little shit! I don't care if it's apparently stable, __**we don't know for sure!**__"_

Jack heaved a furious breath as the person on the other end replied, "You are _VERY_ lucky I have something more important to do right now or I'd come over there _explicitly _to KICK. YOUR. ASS." Another reply earned a growl, "Rendezvous with the others as soon as possible, do _not _make me come and find you." She narrowed her eyes, at the reply, "Of course I know she's with them." She listened for a moment more, "You _what?_"

She was quiet for a moment and she exhaled a furious breath, "Fine. Just, do whatever you want! I'll see you when I'm done here, and you had _better _be back by then!" She took the card away from her ear and switched back to the other one, "Still there? Okay, Gil and the rest are going to go stretch their legs a bit. Yeah. Uh-huh. If I had kept talking to him I would've given into the urge to chase him down and beat him. Yeah, that would be great. Thanks babe, I'll be there soon."

She nodded and put the cards back into her pocket before turning a clearly forced smile on Erza, "Sorry about that, we're a little far from home and my little brother and sisters and their friends are an absolute nightmare to keep track of at the best of times." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and when she opened her eyes, her smile was genuine, "So, shall we get started?"

Erza nodded and summoned a sword, "Let's."

Before Erza could even realize Jack had moved, Jack was directly in front of her. Jack's knife slammed into Erza's sword like a freight train. If Erza weren't so prone to subconsciously strengthening her grip with telekinesis, her sword would've been pushed right out of her grip and back into her face. As was, Jack's strike hit hard enough to push _her _back instead since Erza's sword was immovable while reinforced by her magic. Jack sprang back before Erza could recover from the sudden drain on her magic that blocking the strike had incurred.

Erza's eyes went wide and she decided that offense would be the best defense. She rocketed forward, her sword primed for a thrust while her raised shoulder guard protected her neck. An instant before she connected, Jack jumped and a boot slammed into Erza's temple hard enough to send her flying. If Erza were less experienced, she wouldn't have landed on her feet, and she definitely wouldn't have managed to bring her sword around in an arc to stave off a follow up attack. Erza immediately summoned a second sword and was greeted with the feel of a hand lightly pressing down on her shoulder. Erza looked up in shock and found Jack directly above her, a fist coming down like a meteor to plant itself between her eyes.

Erza instinctively closed her eyes and then opened them back in surprise when she felt the hilt of Jack's knife gently press to her forehead right between her eyes. Jack grinned down at her and it was one of the brightest happiest smiles Erza had ever seen, "I win!"

She flipped down off of Erza and promptly hugged her, the knife back in its sheath as she lifted Erza up off the ground and spun with her cheering, "I won! I won! I won!"

She set Erza down and bounced in place gleefully clapping her hands, "Thank you thank you thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me!" She squealed with delight and hugged Erza again.

Erza tentatively hugged back and Jack just giggled delightedly. Jack pulled back and just beamed at Erza like a child expecting praise. Erza swallowed the lump of discomfort at her apparently effortless defeat, "That was…extremely impressive. If I may ask, how did you close the distance between us so quickly after your kick?"

Jack smiled, "My teacher is one of the greatest warriors in the world. She's mastered dozens of weapons and she's lightning fast with all of them. Between her training and my Daddy's, I'm one of the fastest fighters in the world even without my magic. _With _my magic? Only Sensei or someone of equal strength has even the slightest hope of fighting evenly with me."

Erza nodded, her speed had certainly backed up that claim, "I see. If I may ask, who is your sensei? I think I might like to train with her myself someday."

Jack just giggled as she turned to go, shedding her coat as she turned, "Isn't it obvious?" Erza tilted her head in confusion.

Then Jack raised a single finger to the sky as she shot a wink and grin over her shoulder, "I learned from the BEST." Erza's breath caught as she spotted the black guild mark on Jack's shoulder right before the white haired girl disappeared in a flash of golden light.

Erza stared in shock at the space where Jack had been, wondering incredulously if the white-haired girl had been who she now vaguely suspected she somehow impossibly was. Then the breeze picked up slightly and Erza was suddenly reminded of Jack's promise to take something as a proof of her victory. The immediate realization of what Jack took turned Erza's face as red as her hair in shocked embarrassment.

…

* * *

…

Gajeel furiously chased after the girl's scent. The _impossible _scent that he had definitely not been mistaken about. He rounded a corner and found her sitting on a steel folding chair cleaning her fingernails with a small steel knife. She glanced up to meet his gaze with a smirk, "Sorry about that."

Gajeel exhaled and steadied his racing heart before drawing himself up to his full height, "You oughta be! Now I've got questions, and I want answers!"

"You can ask," the girl replied nonchalantly, "But I can't guarantee any answers."

Gajeel growled, "First question!"

"Yes," the girl declared without waiting for him to ask, "You are correct."

Gajeel's breath left him in an instant. He'd known, but hearing it confirmed was still a shock, "So, do you know Metallicana?"

"I've never had a chance to meet him," she declared quietly, "Although I know quite a lot about him."

"Do you know where he is?!" Gajeel asked desperately, if she knew about him then just maybe…

"I do," the girl replied quietly, her head down so that her bangs shadowed her eyes, "but perhaps you should be asking why you don't."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" Gajeel demanded angrily. Then her words registered with him and his eyes went wide, "Wait, you're saying he's hiding from me?!"

"Not you," the girl replied quietly, "Don't worry, he'll reveal himself when the time is right. Before I go, I want to ask _you_ something."

"What?! You can't just up and leave! We ain't done!" Gajeel snapped.

The girl's eyes snapped up to meet his and Gajeel's heart skipped a beat as he recognized the glare he saw so often in the mirror, "I can, and in about two hundred seconds, **_I will_**. Before I do though…" She got to her feet and strode over to him, her eyes still locked on his as she glared up at him.

Gajeel refused to let the girl before him intimidate him, but he had to admit privately to himself that she _did _have that glare down pat. Then she extended her arms and asked in a very flat but insistent and demanding tone, "Can I have a hug? I don't get enough hugs."

Gajeel blinked and then her request registered. He immediately wrapped her in a hug, "You'll never have that problem again. I promise. Just be safe okay?" She nodded and hugged him back.

Sixty seconds later, she disappeared from Gajeel's grasp in a flash of golden light. Gajeel felt like he'd been hit with a mallet the size of a barrel when he realized she was gone and he would never admit that tears welled in his eyes as he muttered, "Be safe princess."

...

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME _on Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

* * *

_I'm not going to transcribe the extensive, and I do mean **EXTENSIVE** amount of swearing I was doing two weeks later. It would become very repetitive in short order as there are only so many times one can say the same thing in rapid succession._

_Why was I furiously swearing you ask? Because some punk with hair like a palm tree, sand magic that would make Gaara of the Freakin' Desert **raise an eyebrow, **and a best buddy whose tech was like something out of Star Wars **(F***IN' ****HEAT SEEKERS! OUT OF THIN AIR!****)**, plus the freaking **army** backing them up, had decided they didn't want competition, and as such he had punted our entire group in separate directions. **Several dozen miles each** in separate directions, all out into the gigantic, horrible, disgustingly bright desert._


	28. Ch24: Mildian by Morning

**AN: _Ok, seems there was a lot of confusion about last week's chapter! So I'll head off a lot of questions by explaining it now. The Mattachu Team has not time traveled, a few of Fairy Tail's next generation accidentally came back in time 20 years and happened to run into the Mattachu Team. The ones we saw were as follows:_**

**_Jack Granger_**

**_Asuka Connell_**

**_Emma Redfox _**_(Full props and credit to RuskyBoz on the name. Seriously if you haven't seen her work, go check her out because she is amazing. Rusky if you're reading this I am super delighted, hope you're enjoying and so so sorry I don't have tumblr twitter or any other way to ask for permission to borrow that name but I love your work so much that I can't even begin to picture that child having any other name. Please forgive me and enjoy the story.)_

**_Silver Fullbuster II_**

**_Neal Dragneel_**

**_Mavis Dreyar_**

**_The ones we did NOT see were Jack's younger siblings Gil, Mordred and Emily Granger, who were off getting up to some minor hijinks which may or may not have repercussions down the road. There was no particular reason for them to appear, I just felt like it and it was fun. Also that chapter was being an ungodly pain to write so I thought 'eh, why not?' and sure enough their appearance made it roll better. Honestly I'm a little surprised that nobody said a peep about the comedy in that chapter (I thought it was one of the funniest ones yet) or Jack stealing Erza's underwear as a trophy (Yes, Jack is a very VERY bad girl)._**

**_Anyway, they've all gone back to their own time now, it was an apparently stable time loop, so now it's time for..._**

**_REVIEWER REPLIES! :D_**

* * *

**_Raidentensho: _**_You're obviously familiar with Fate, so I find myself very curious, did you read the Merry Christmas Excerpts chapter? Given your familiarity with Fate, I'm surprised you didn't flip over the absolute BOMBSHELL hints I dropped in that chapter. Btw, did you enjoy Jack? There's more to her than meets the eye, but sadly further details about her are quite a ways off yet. Lumen Histoire? No, just some simple time travel shenanigans bouncing them all 20 years into the past (see above). As for little Mavis's mother, don't jump to conclusions. Have you been reading 100 Year Quest? Also I've never seen Gad Guard so no. If I had the time and know how to do a music video of Jerry being badass, then his theme music would be: _

_ www. youtube wa tch?v=9HYPaFlYxtI _

_ for reasons which you might be able to guess after reading the Merry Christmas Excerpts chapter, but which will be revealed sometime around mid-late April if I'm able to stick to my schedule._

**_Donumah: _**_He who? Basically now the story rolls on unimpeded, but with regard to the time travel, the following are now true:_  
_ -Gajeel knows that he will have a daughter who will inherit his magic, that he will find out where Metallicana is, and that Metallicana had a reason to disappear_  
_ -What Jack's brother and sisters did is now in effect_  
_ -Erza now wants to go find Maximum Sweet Strawberries because she now knows they exist and will be keeping an eye out for Jack_  
_ -Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow now know that Laxus will eventually have a tiny adorable daughter named Mavis who particularly loves her uncle Freed and likes ice cream_  
_Regarding the other events of the chapter:_  
_ -Dr. Whistler's missing grandson Miguel has now joined the team and they now know for sure that the city of gold exists_  
_ -The Thunder Legion are now scared almost as shitless of Erza as Natsu and Gray are, have had the stuffings kicked out of them, and will never do a swindle again_  
_ There was really no particular reason for the kids to show up, I just thought it would be fun._

**_Wori Hu: _**_I think that was his first guess for girls who could have a blonde daughter with Laxus since she's also blonde and Lucy probably doesn't seem likely.__ Glad you enjoyed! :D_

**_Carsonforgeel:_**_I'm very glad that you're enjoying so much that you can binge the whole thing in a day. :D I do hope the note up at the top there helped explain it. Yes things are quite radically different and AU due to Jerry's interference and accidental butterfly effect. Hope you continue to enjoy! :D_

...

**And now it's time for the other chapter which gave me writer's block for three months! _BACKSTORY TIME! :D_**

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**...**

**Chapter 24 – Mildian by Morning**

**…**

**…**

I'm not going to transcribe the extensive, and I do mean _EXTENSIVE_ amount of swearing I was doing two weeks later. It would become very repetitive in short order as there are only so many times one can say the same thing in rapid succession.

Why was I furiously swearing you ask? Because some punk with hair like a palm tree, sand magic that would make Gaara of the Freakin' Desert _raise an eyebrow, _and a best buddy whose tech was like something out of Star Wars (F***IN' _HEAT SEEKERS! OUT OF THIN AIR!_), plus the freaking _army_ backing them up, had decided they didn't want competition, and as such he had punted our entire group in separate directions. _Several dozen miles each_ in separate directions, all out into the gigantic, horrible, disgustingly bright desert.

I was snapped out of my ranting by Serena turning me around and slapping the taste of sand out of my mouth, "CALM DOWN."

I straightened my head back up with significant cracking of my neck that I was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be doing and ground out with a crinkledy grimace, "_Thank you,_ Serena. I'm sorry you had to see me like that." I really was. She'd dropped all her plans and dragged Elric along with her to join us the instant I'd told her about the job we were on, citing a complete faith in my abilities to keep them both safe when I brought up the possibility that it would be dangerous. That made the whole getting our butts kicked thing just that little bit much more difficult to swallow.

"None taken," she replied airily, "Now if you're quite through pitching a grade-A hissy fit over the fact that our party just got scattered like leaves on the breeze, not sure I've ever heard the word fuck used quite that many times consecutively before, do you have any way to contact the others?"

I thought about it for a moment and then fished around in my extra dimensional storage before pulling out a card with little pictures of the rest of the team on it, "Sound off, who's not dead?"

A chorus of groans echoed through it, I nodded, "Okay, anybody got eyes on Elric?"

"I'm here sir. May I assume from the fact that you asked after me first that Lady Serena and Master Miguel are with you?"

"That's right," I replied, "So next order of business now that all our clients are accounted for, who's with who?"

"Levy and Lucy are with me," Erza replied.

"If my calculations are right, then we're about thirty miles west of where we were when that sand prick launched us," Levy chimed in.

"Calculation formula please?" Levy quickly rattled off the formula to me and a moment later I was able to confirm, "And thirty miles east for my group. Natsu, Gajeel, Elric? You three together?"

"Yes, we all landed in a clump," Elric replied, "or rather, Masters Natsu, Gajeel and Happy landed awkwardly and rolled down a sand dune. They're currently trying to clean the sand from their clothes. I'm keeping my eyes averted, but if I heard the calculation formula right, then I believe we are approximately thirty miles north of our starting point."

"He heard right," Serena declared, "Elric _always _hears right."

I nodded, "Alright, now then, next point to consider, does anyone have the book?"

"I have it sir," Elric replied.

I nodded, "Alright, and Levy and I both have it memorized."

"Is there anywhere that we'll be able to regroup prior to arrival at Mattachu?" Erza asked, "I don't like the thought of those wizards from Alavarez getting ahead of us."

"We could meet up at Mildian. Mildian is between here and there," Miguel finally chimed in as he plucked a few experimental notes from his mandolin, "It's on the map at the bit of the river that looks like a gummy worm getting electrocuted."

"Gummy worm…getting…electrocuted…" Elric asked slowly.

Then Gajeel and Natsu piped up in unison, "Yeah I see it."

"So the city at the gummy worm?" Natsu asked, "Right, when do we need to be there?"

"I'll start makin' somethin' to get us there," Gajeel declared, "Still gotcher tinderbox Natsu?"

"Of course I've still got it!"

"Good, yer gonna need it."

"It appears the young masters have a way for us to catch up," Elric declared, "When should we arrive to rendezvous?"

"I can have my party there by sundown," I declared as I looked at the map on my archive screen and glanced at the sun heading for the horizon.

"We can make it by morning I think, but we're probably gonna be totally worn out when we get there unless me'n'Natsu eat through every bit of our reserve rations!" Gajeel called.

"It's a hundred and thirty seven miles from our location," Levy declared, "If we hurry, then on foot we might make it in four days. If anyone has any suggestions for how to make it faster, I am _so _all ears!"

"If you can make a boat then you can sail on the sand," Gajeel declared, "That's what we're doing. You'll have to propel it with magic, but I'm sure the three of you can come up with something."

There was silence for a moment and then Levy's palm audibly met her forehead, "I am such an idiot…_SOLID SCRIPT: __**TANK!**__"_ There was a sound like whirring gears and as Lucy squawked in amazement Levy declared, "Yeah we can be there by morning."

I nodded, "Good, we'll see you all there."

…

* * *

…

It was peaceful despite the gentle roar of the wind outside the Archive screens I was using to block it out. The moonlit desert raced by beneath us as we zipped along on one of my cards. I could've gotten us to Mildian by sundown, but with the others unlikely to arrive before morning, there was no need to hurry.

Serena had fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. I was leaned back on one of my cards as a seat back. It would've been incredibly easy to fall asleep if the magic powering my card car wasn't still active, easily holding my attention and keeping me awake.

…

Who am I kidding? I was still too furious to sleep! I had tamped it down for Serena's sake, but it was still there, eating at me like smoldering embers in the firepit. I was a badass Fairy Tail wizard. I had been a badass even at a single percent of my power! By all logic, I should be as close to unstoppable as humanly possible! I should at the very least be considered a threat by anyone who crossed me dammit!

And yet I, along with my entire team, had been summarily defeated out of hand by a smug pair of punks who popped up out of nowhere, declared we were in their way, and then played cat and mouse with us for fifteen minutes before turning the very dunes we were standing on into giant catapults and launching us over the horizon! It was humiliating! Infuriating! _Degrading, insulting and did I mention that it REALLY PISSED ME OFF?!_

I must've growled without meaning to because Miguel looked over at me. He was quiet for a moment and then, "So you're still angry I take it?"

"Of course I'm angry," I snarled quietly so as not to disturb Serena, "I've grown very proud of my power and that of my team. Being casually swatted aside like gnats and scattered to the wind on a whim is the gravest insult I can think of off the top of my head."

"I would imagine so," Miguel replied somberly as he swung his mandolin around to the front and began to gently pluck soothing notes from its strings, "May I play a song to attempt to soothe your frayed nerves?"

I nodded, "Yeah, it might help. Thank you Doctor."

The third Doctor Whistler laughed as he began to pick up the tempo, "Jerry please, I've told you. We are friends, call me Miguel." A few seconds later he burst into song…

_"__Look out new world, here we come!_

_Brave, intrepid, and then sooome!_

_Pioneers of maximum, audacity whose resumes,_

_Show that we are just the team, _

_to live where others, merely dream!_

_Building up a head of steeeam…_

_On the trail we blaze!"_

It was hard to not smile as Miguel let himself get swept up in his song. Clearly it brought back a lot of good memories for him, and I had to admit, it did me good too.

His song only lasted a few minutes, but it had its intended effect and the smoldering rage within me burned down to mere sparks of discontent that I could easily ignore. I smiled at him, "How'd you ever wind up an academic Miguel? You missed your calling as an entertainer!"

Miguel laughed lightly, "It's a family thing. I wanted to live up to my grandfather's legacy and his grandfather's as well. I couldn't just let his dream of bringing back the reality of Mattachu die with him. That's why I led my own expedition three years ago you know. I just wish I'd known what was waiting for us," he added with a small smile, "If I'd known then what I know now, more of my party might've survived. We could've saved half of them if we'd just brought bug spray and known not to drink the water!"

"You speak of it quite lightly," I observed quietly.

Miguel grimaced, "I could beat myself up over it." He gazed up at the stars, "I could beat myself black and blue over my failings and let their deaths destroy me. Or…" he grinned, "I can complete the mission we set out to accomplish. Now that all of you are here, we can make it to Mattachu and bring back proof! We can reconnect the lost city with the world! I promised Tulio and Chel I'd make it! That I'd tell our tale to the world!"

He shot me a watery smile, "I can't let them down Jerry. If my last words are to tell even a single person back in Fiore the story of our journey, the reality of the city of gold and the people still living there, then that is my duty to their memory! I will not fail."

I smiled as his words hit a chord in me, "Heh, you sound like me."

Miguel tilted his head, "Oh? Something you want to talk about?"

I shook my head, "Something I never wanted to even _think about_ again, but it got stirred up about two weeks ago and it's…not something that just fades back to obscurity quickly once it rears its head."

Miguel watched me with what seemed to me like an expectant light in his eye and I sighed, "Serena's out cold, and nobody else is here, or I'd never tell you this. I don't want any of them to think less of me for my past foolishness." I took a deep breath, "When I was a child, there was a girl who lived nearby. She wasn't popular because her appearance was strange and she was a timid girl, wholly lacking in confidence. I'm…ashamed to admit that I was in no way kind to her. Among our age group, I was undoubtedly the least pleasant, especially to her."

I sighed, "I didn't know that there was a reason for her to be that way. Being a child, it never even began to occur to me. My parents were kind and loving, I never could've imagined what hers were like behind closed doors." I grimaced, "I didn't realize how awful I was to her until it was too late. Her last day on earth was hell," I said quietly, "And it was all my fault."

I took a deep breath to still the old tremors of remorse, "Before I became a wizard, I was going to school to become a social worker. Someone who could hopefully stop things like what happened to her from ever happening to anyone else ever again. Nobody should have to live like that," I said quietly, "And I feel like a goddamned horrid piece of shit every time I think about her because I know that I was only doing it to try to atone for how awful I was to her. It wasn't what I wanted. I had, and still have, absolutely no passion for it at all. It makes me feel all dead inside and it pisses me off and all I can feel whenever I hear about something like that is hate _hate HATE _for the monsters that would do something like that…I feel so helpless and angry because I know that I can't save them all no matter how much I try… Every fiber of sense in my head screamed at me to stay the hell out of that entire field of work for my own mental health, and if I'm honest, I only did it to keep my guilt from drowning me… it was all just my way to try and convince myself that I wasn't a monster. Drown in guilt, or in fury with the little bit of help I can provide to those who need it to act as a life preserver…hell of a catch 22."

I sighed and looked up at the stars, "I didn't know what was happening behind closed doors. I didn't find out the details of what all went down until years later when I could get my parents to hurry up and spill the beans about what happened to her. There was no way I could've known. It wasn't my fault. I had nothing to do with it. I was a stupid brat who didn't know any better. I've told myself all that a thousand times and a hundred thousand more besides. Every time I do," I grimaced, "every one of those rings hollow as a worthless platitude. No matter how much I regret it and tell myself there was no way I could've known, it doesn't change what I did and it damn sure doesn't excuse it."

I smirked slightly, "A common question back home was what kind of magic you'd want if you could be a wizard. A lot of people said flight, or teleportation. Super strength was a popular one too, as were mind reading and invisibility and being able to see through people's clothes. If you could have one wish, what would it be? A fortune? The love of whoever you want? Rule the world?"

I quirked an eyebrow at the stars, "Me? Ever since then, I've only had one answer. Ever since then, every shooting star, every birthday candle, dandelion tuft and wishbone that's come my way," I raised a finger gun at the shooting star that flashed across the sky, "I wish I could have a chance to save her."

I turned the finger gun to my head and twitched my thumb with a small smile, "Click. This thing never works."

Miguel was quiet for a moment, and his expression made it clear that he'd been listening carefully, "Well um, yes, I, uh…" he gave me his very best smile, "…I don't know how to respond to that at all."

He scratched his head after a moment, even he could only hold a smile so long, "I, want to say something comforting but…I doubt I can say anything that you haven't heard before."

I laughed lightly, "Don't worry about it Miguel. I'm sorry for turning the mood somber like that. It's fine. Let's speak of happier things. What are you going to eat when we get back?"

Miguel's eyes watered as a huge grin spread across his face, "Belga caviar with saffron seasoned truffles on the side! That's just the appetizer! For the main course, a succulent Minstrelian steak with a bottle of Joyan single-malt whiskey. I don't care that it's the most expensive drink in Ishgar, I am drinking _the whole bottle!_ And then for desert…" It's a wonder there wasn't a line of drool eeking out the corner of his mouth, "_Chocolate mousse!"_

Then he raised a finger as his expression turned serious, "Before all that though!" He lifted his chest length hair with a pained grimace, "I _really _need a haircut…" he reached up and scratched his extra bushy golden beard, "You don't happen to have a razor do you? I've almost completely forgotten what my face _looks like_ under all this!"

I chuckled lightly, "When we catch up to Lucy, we'll see if she can summon her Celestial Spirit Cancer for you. He's an exceptional hair dresser."

"Oh really?!" Miguel asked excitedly, "That's wonderful! What about you? What are you going to have?"

I thought for a moment and then smiled, "It doesn't much matter to me what it is as long as Mira cooks it."

Miguel blinked at me, "Mira?"

I nodded, "My…well she insisted we weren't dating even though we have been. I suppose the simplest way to put it is that she's my lover but up until recently she's insisted love's got nothing to do with it and she only continued to see me because I humored her in that." I smiled at the image of her in my mind's eye, "She's been an absolute angel to me the whole time I've known her, and for all that she insisted we're not exclusive, I don't think she's been with anyone else in quite a long time, and certainly not since we became a not-an-item. She's a magnificent cook, and a wonderful friend. Whenever a job goes badly, she always manages to cheer me up, and more often than not, it doesn't even take so much as a kiss, although that certainly helps! Just being around her lifts my spirits. She's sweet and clever and just…everything I could ever have wanted in a woman."

"She sounds wonderful," Miguel declared with a smile, "Although, with that being said, um…" He glanced meaningfully at Serena, "…what's, what's going on here? With eh, you…and Miss Serena?"

I grimaced, "The day before Natsu and Gajeel ran into you, Mira and I had a pregnancy scare. I finally found out why Mira's been so reluctant to commit, and she's asked for six months to sort out some emotional baggage and find out whether or not she's going to be able to proceed with our relationship. She told me to get any womanizing out of my system before Valentine's Day because if she doesn't wind up getting back together with that ex, then she's made no bones about the fact that she'll probably latch onto me and never let go. That's a sentiment I'm all too happy to return, but until then, Mira wants me to, 'shop around' I think she put it, and make sure she's what _I _want. As if there could ever be any doubt," I snorted.

"Anyways," I continued, "Serena here was all too happy to jump on the opportunity for a romp, and when she found out about where we're going, she canceled all her plans immediately to be a part of it, so we've been, rather close this last two weeks or so. We thought it would be just a little booty call sort of thing, but…"

I smiled down at the headful of dark hair resting on my shoulder, "One small blessing about my magic's innate properties. You see light magic has a rather obscure branch that I'm fortunate enough to possess an aptitude for known as Desire. It allows the manipulation of one's basic needs. One of those needs is the desire for security. I found out the night after I met her, Serena here is prone to terrible nightmares; thrashing, screaming, god awful, wake-up-in-an-ice-cold-sweat nightmares. She won't tell me what about, but it's apparently a chronic problem that runs in her family. I don't think she's as happy as she pretends to be, and I get the feeling she's got some pretty severe issues behind that smile, way beyond what she lets on. I don't know what's wrong, and I won't ask. When she feels ready to talk about it, she will. In the meantime, my magic can grant her at least a little peace of mind."

"There are a lot of people I can't help," I declared quietly, "But if I can make Serena comfortable in her own skin for even a little while, then I will."

Miguel smiled, "You are a very kind person Jerry."

I smiled thinly, "I exercised more than enough cruelty for one lifetime before I was twelve." I shook my head and smacked the heel of my palm into it a few times, "_Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!"_

Miguel cleared his throat, "Yes. Ah, why don't you tell me how you wound up with those bandages? A wizard as tough as yourself doesn't get hurt easily, there must be quite an interesting story behind them!"

I laughed, "Hah! You're right about that!" So I proceeded to explain to him everything that had happened between my unlocking Crash Magic and Erza punching me through a wall in Thistleton. I ran a hand over my bandages as I finished nearly an hour later with a chuckle, "I'm actually healed now. I've just begun to wonder if I'm jinxed to get a head injury whenever I take my bandages off. That and the fact that they're keeping my head warm until my hair grows back!" I laughed, "Heck, even after it does, I may keep them on anyway! I've about grown used to them!"

…

* * *

…

We reached Mildian around midnight and I was struck by just how quiet it was as we landed at the gate. Nestled in a quiet valley that the mostly dried up river snaked through, Mildian was a walled but sprawling city built with copious amounts of marble and beautiful architecture not at all dissimilar to classic Greek style. Despite the architecture though, high above the center of the city rose an immense clock tower with an immense, ornate and _accurate_ clock. The desert had surrounded it, but did not intrude. If I'd been told about it before arriving, I would've expected it to be half buried beneath the sand, but it was still in pristine condition as though it had still had people living there the day before.

I gently lifted Serena as we stepped off my card, using my magic to ensure I didn't wake her and carried her through the gate, "Hey Miguel, where is everybody?" I couldn't hear a single mind in the city. Not a single one.

Miguel looked up at the gate as we passed through it, "They're all gone. This city is remembered as the site of the Black Wizard Zeref's first travesty, when he massacred everyone here. The legends tell that in a single day, the people of Mildian were wiped from the face of the earth. I was honestly as shocked to find it as I was Mattachu. This city is the birthplace of one of the world's greatest villains."

"Maybe we're lucky that there's nobody here then," I mused, "Anything we need to grab while we're here? If it's a legendary lost city, then wouldn't some proof of its existence be as archaeologically important as Mattachu?"

Miguel simply pointed and I turned my gaze to follow his finger. In the middle of the street was a stone etched with symbols I didn't know. "That says, 'You may rest here for one night, but leave in the morning and take nothing with you lest the ghosts of Mildian strike you down'," Miguel explained, "It's a bit more flowery than that, but that's what it boils down to. There's a temple further inside the city with another sign that says the curse can be staved off by leaving an offering of food for the gods."

"Did they take the food?" I asked curiously.

"Something did!" Miguel replied, "We camped outside the walls when my group was here. This place is spooky even in the day time!" A tumbleweed rolled past on a breeze that sounded like a low ghostly moan. Miguel immediately hid behind me and admittedly my hair stood on end as I suddenly felt hidden eyes upon us and a strange chill settled over me.

Then I realized there was magic laced into the chill and my nerves turned to irritation, "Somebody's screwing with us."

"You mean there's someone here?!" Miguel demanded.

"I can't detect them with my telepathy," I replied as I scanned the area with my eyes and telepathy, "But there's magic in this chill."

"Do you think it's a ghost?" Miguel asked nervously.

"As long as it's willing to abide by the one night rule, I don't think we have anything to worry about," I replied, "But we should keep alert just in case." I raised my voice, "We will abide by your rules! One night, and we will exit this gate in the morning! We will take nothing from your city and we will not harm the home of your people!" The chill faded and I knew the city's mysterious guardian(s?) had accepted my words, but the little surge of cold seemed to be their way of reminding us that they'd be watching.

"Which way to the temple?" I asked Miguel a moment later, "We should leave an offering, as a mark of respect for their beliefs if nothing else."

"Can we really spare that food?" Miguel asked, only to be suddenly assaulted by the chill again.

I smiled thinly, "Whether we can or not, it seems our host likes that idea. We should try to be gracious guests."

I thought about summoning Virgo or Leo, but a quick mental check of the date told me it was Sunday, which meant no Virgo, and it was also nighttime, which meant no Leo. I thought about trying to summon Sagittarius and contract with him, but I'd asked Virgo to check what days he would be available in advance before I summoned him for the first time so that I didn't accidentally summon him at a bad time out of ignorance, and Sunday and Monday were his two days off out of reverence for Artemis and Apollo. It would be the height of bad form to summon him in the night between his two days of rest, so instead I'd have to bring Serena and Miguel with me rather than let them rest under the protection of my spirits.

I knelt and gently lifted my sleep spell from Serena. She immediately shivered, it was quite cool out. A second later her eyes flicked open and as she realized where she was, a fierce blush colored her face quite adorably in the moonlight. She averted her gaze from mine and looked around, "Is this Mildian?"

I nodded, "We can only stay for one night, and we need to go to the temple to make a peace offering of food as thanks for being allowed to stay. I was going to let you sleep, but none of my spirits will be available to watch over you until morning. Besides," I added with a grin, "You wanted to see places nobody else ever gets to right? You might never pass this way again, it would be a shame to miss out don't you think?"

Serena got to her feet and we headed down the large main street. The streets were lined with stone pavers and shone a pale bluish white in the moonlight as we walked between the abandoned buildings. Miguel hadn't been wrong. The entire city had the unmistakable feel of a place which had been not just abandoned but abandoned for a _reason_, like there was something here which meant humans shouldn't be.

"I don't like this," Serena muttered, "It's too quiet."

"Kind of place you expect something out of a horror novel to happen in," Miguel muttered.

I just looked past him in a politely surprised way with a silly smile, "Zeref?! Is that you?"

"_WHERE?!"_ Miguel yelped as he immediately hid between me and Serena and peered out from behind me like I was a wall.

I don't think our observer realized I heard their narrowly restrained snicker over the sound of Serena looking at Miguel like he was an idiot, "Really? Really Doctor?"

Miguel stepped out from between us, "Um…"

I just grinned as I put a hand on Miguel's shoulder, "My dear Doctor Whistler, aren't you aware of the very best way to, _GREAT SCOTT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!_"

"_WHERE?!"_ Miguel yelped as he hid behind me again.

Serena trembled with narrowly constrained laughter as a smile twitched its way across her face. Unless I missed my guess, our mystery watcher was trying their level damnedest to hold a laugh in, if the sniggers, snorts and faint rustle of fabric were anything to go by. I looked around, the echo off the buildings was playing hell with my ability to pinpoint our watcher's location, but if I could make them laugh out loud...

I shrugged with a smile, "What I was saying Miguel, is that the best way to deal with spooky silence is to fill it with the sound of laughter. I've never seen an oppressive and creepy atmosphere yet that could stand being laughed at. They clear right out at the first show of good spirits. Now lemme tell ya about the time three wizards, two dragon slayers and a cat walked into a bar…"

…

* * *

…

It took us half an hour to make it to the temple. It would've been twenty-five, but my jokes slowed us down. As we climbed the wide stone steps, I finished my latest one, "And so she asks the parrot, 'have you learned your lesson?' '_Rrrak, yes ma'am I promise I'll be good, but, I have to ask…__**what did the turkey do?**_'"

Miguel chuckled, his nervousness having vanished in wake of his laughter, "Ah, yes, the poor turkey!"

Serena looked over at me with a knowing smile, "Don't you think you should stop beating around the bush?" I was quietly impressed that she'd apparently not only figured out what I was up to, but also spotted our watcher as well.

I shrugged with a smile, "If she wants to remain hidden, that's her business." I sat down at the top of the steps and started pulling out my cooking implements, "If on the other hand she wants to come out and get a hot meal that she doesn't have to cook herself, she is more than welcome."

Miguel blinked at us, "She?"

Before Serena or I could explain, a loud piercing whistle screamed through the city as a bright white light arced high overhead before bursting in an explosion that bathed the whole city harsh brightness. I narrowly caught a glimpse of our lone watcher as she turned and bolted for who knew where.

"Shit," I growled, "Looks like Alvarez caught up. You two get inside the temple and hide."

"What do you mean us two?!" Serena demanded, "Where are you going?!"

I grinned viciously and right before I teleported, "Time for a rematch."

...

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_"Hey Lector," A little boy with pale blonde hair mused as he looked south from his perch on the snow covered mountainside, "Do you think I could eat that?"_

_"What?" The small brown cat cuddled against his chest in the bundle of blankets asked blearily._

_The boy just pointed and the cat turned, his eyes immediately going wide as he saw an immense white light illuminate the southern sky so brightly that it blocked out the moon._

_…_

_…_

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMEONE'S FIRING AN ETHERION CANNON?!" Siegrain and Ultear roared in unison as the panicked toad messenger simply pointed a trembling finger out the window facing the southeast where the night sky was lit with unimaginably bright light from somewhere beyond the horizon as nearly a quarter of the southern sky turned white._


	29. Ch25: The Battle of Mildian

**AN: _Ok, as always before we begin, Reviewer Replies! :D I guess last week's chapter must not have left too many questions in its wake because I only got two reviews about it, although I DID get the immense joy of this story reaching 100 reviews/comments, which is a milestone for me, never had a story do that before. It's put me in a fantastic mood._**

_**Raidentensho: **Yes the little girl in his story DOES sound a bit like Sakura doesn't she? (mysterious eyebrow waggle) Will he use his Devouring Magic to omnomnom the Etherion? Read on and find out!_

**_Prometo: _**_(Christmas Special)__ Welcome back! (hugs you) And thank you for my 100th comment on this story! Yes the gods DO play a rather significant role in Earthland, but no, the legend of Gilgamesh was actually one Jerry knew before being yanked to Earthland. Since you posted 4 reviews, I shall give 4 replies!_

_**Prometo: **(Ch19&20) Yes I thought the comics references with Lucy and Levy's new outfits were pretty fun as well, and yes Lucy definitely fills out that new battle suit rather enticingly. If you recall, Gajeel's counterpart in Jerry's home dimension was actually Jerry's best friend, so it's only natural that they'd hit it right off. I'm glad the fight scene came out well. Yes Gajevy quite surprised me becoming something bordering on an OTP for Fairy Tail after I stumbled onto the outstanding work of that fine artist by name of RuskyBoz. _

_**Prometo: **(Ch21&22) I'm glad you enjoyed Jerry's ability to open up to Erza and the reveal of Jerry's backstory, I feel like it wouldn't be a proper Fairy Tail arc if somebody's backstory didn't rear its head for explanation. Yeah, the Mira surprise actually caught me a little off guard too, but I'm glad it hit me when it did because it turned out perfect. DOES Jerry look like that? Or is it an ingenious red herring since there's another monstrously powerful wizard with an actual interestingly shaped scar over one eye who Jerry has been confirmed to consider a dick who an exact look a like of with better manners would be more than enough to stun Erza and get Mira's immediate attention, as well as be enough to frighten Erza if said look a like were to be just as strong and an evil genius?Does he actually look like none of the above and I'm just throwing all these fun little maybe hints out to screw with my fans? Am I a complete **freaking** **TROLL** who will definitely not tell one way or the other until time for the big reveal because I enjoy keeping everyone guessing? You betcha! XD_

_**Prometo: **(Ch23&24) Glad you enjoyed! Yeah I was particularly pleased when Jack occurred to me, and I sincerely hope that when she shows up in the future she will be as much of a fan favorite as she is mine. Of course they're funny, they're the next generation of FAIRY TAIL, there'd be something terribly wrong if they WEREN'T little bundles of mischief. No, they're not in Alvarez, they actually went the opposite direction, east to the land of Minstrel which was never really even touched upon in canon which gives me a great big sandbox to play in. A military force FROM Alvarez is there for reasons unknown, but they're definitely not on their home turf. Can Sting eat Etherion? In a small dose when it's in zappy mode since that's a blinding white light, but the full throttle satellite cannon? Nah, he'd go into lethal overload in about two seconds and get incinerated unless he discharged, which on its own would strain his magic circuits to their absolute limit and probably beyond. As for an Etherion crystal, it would have to be white or it wouldn't work at all. Very glad you're still enjoying!_

**_And now..._**

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**Chapter 25 – The Battle of Mildian**

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I materialized about fifty feet above Mildian's outer wall, and in a glance Archive had counted the exact number arrayed against me. I landed with my vicious grin growing, "Now five hundred to one ain't no fair fight…" I drew my cards and grew them into a volley of table sized blades, "But when that one's _me_, that makes it just about right! _Absolute Void!_"

The seething darkness enveloped my massive card blades, making them that much harder to spot and rendering them capable of turning any magic, no, anything _period_ used against me into fuel to keep me going indefinitely. Master Precht's reveal of the true nature of my magic had granted me an incredible shield, it was time to use it. I was embarrassed that I'd forgotten I could use it the day before during the ambush, it would've made rebuffing the ambush simple, but perhaps it was better this way. _Now, I don't have clients right here to protect. I can go all out!_

I felt the surge of energy and calculated the amount I could afford to spend on my first shot without leaving myself dangerously weakened. I grinned and a blazing orb of Bullet Magic the size of a small car manifested at my fingertip as I aimed my finger gun, "_BOOM."_ It was the biggest version of the spell I'd ever unleashed, easily six feet in diameter as it shot forth in a blinding ray of destruction too fast to be traced by anything other than its after image. The ensuing explosion ripped through the front rank of the approaching army and lit the night sky as brightly as the flare a moment before had.

In less than a second I was back to full power as a result of having Absolute Void active, sucking power from the air and faint moonlight. Another shot, another explosion the size of a city block. Again! _Again! AGAIN!_ Explosion after explosion ripped across the sand until the sand itself rose to block my attacks. I grinned as the sand roared towards me like a semi-solid tsunami and moved one of my cards between me and the tsunami, growing it to be so vast that I couldn't even see the enormous wall of sand anymore. I grinned as I felt the sand fall inert upon crashing into my all-consuming shield and opened a portal to high in the sky above it.

I spread my fingers and a volley of softball sized bolts of Bullet Magic flashed into existence before roaring through the portal to detonate in the midst of the army I could see scrambling for cover on the other side. I raised an eyebrow as the mechanical-magic user intercepted my Light Bolts and then glanced to either side as I heard the sand come roaring around my shield towards me. Two of my tower shield sized cards shot out towards the rushing sand and the instant they came into contact with the power animating the sand, I knew I had to discharge or be overwhelmed.

I didn't go for a single shot that time, this time it was something similar to Natsu's Fire Dragon Roar, only I think Natsu's was typically smaller. The roaring river of light I unleashed through my portal would've obliterated the city behind me in a single sweeping second. It was like focusing the sun into a beam of pure undiluted '_Go-To-Hell_'. It was _my _magic and even I couldn't look in the direction of it without squinting so much that my eyes were nearly shut. I didn't know where the sand wizard had gone, but I knew I'd missed him because his power didn't stop roaring into my system through the open flood gates that my card provided until I'd been firing steadily for almost a solid three minutes. By my calculations, the amount of power expended in that three minutes was over half my full capacity, and not a single scrap of it was mine.

I launched myself skyward and sent my great wall of a card bulldozing forward, instantly shivering as I felt the overwhelming amount of power contained in the sand I was absorbing, _Is that still active magic?! Am I absorbing the natural energy of the sand? This CAN'T be just the residual traces of his magic!_ I raised my hands and opened a dozen portals, easily conjuring a dozen great torrents of light comparable to the one I'd unleashed a moment earlier.

Despite unleashing enough destructive force to level a city a dozen times over like an almighty broadside from on high, the sand just kept roaring with power. I grimaced as I realized that for all that the army those two had brought with them had to be nothing but ashes on the wind at this point, at least one of the two big guns must've not even been _singed _yet. _This is gonna be a long night…_

Then the sky lit up overhead.

…

* * *

==ELSEWHERE==

* * *

…

"Hey Lector," A little boy with pale blonde hair mused as he looked south from his perch on the snow covered mountainside, "Do you think I could eat that?"

"What?" The small brown cat cuddled against his chest in the bundle of blankets asked blearily.

The boy just pointed and the cat turned, his eyes immediately going wide as he saw an immense white light illuminate the southern sky so brightly that it blocked out the moon.

…

* * *

…

"_**WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOMEONE'S FIRING AN ETHERION CANNON?!**_" Siegrain and Ultear roared in unison as the panicked toad messenger simply pointed a trembling finger out the window facing the southeast where the night sky was lit with unimaginably bright light from somewhere beyond the horizon as nearly a quarter of the southern sky turned white.

…

* * *

…

Master Makarov stared in shock as the light simply continued to shine. The Etherion Cannon was supposed to be able to wipe out entire _nations _in seconds! What could possibly merit maintaining that kind of attack for nearly five minutes?!

Then the light faded and a moment later as Master Makarov, and indeed the whole world, saw what I had done, Master started laughing.

…

* * *

…

"Do you think he even needs help right now?" Lucy asked Erza and Levy as they gaped in unison at our guild's emblem burned onto the face of the moon with the power of a redirected Etherion. They'd seen the lights from my battle, and were hurrying as fast as Levy's tank could go, but that made them stop to wonder.

"We should hurry even _more _now," Erza declared after a moment, "Deflecting something as cataclysmic as the Etherion must've taken every shred of power Jerry had and then some. I can't believe he blocked that! Even the strongest defensive spells I know all together wouldn't be enough to stop the Etherion! The whole _point_ of that weapon is that there's not supposed to be _anything_ that can withstand it!"

…

* * *

…

_**"HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!"**_ the weapon summoner screamed at me, _**"THAT WAS FREAKING ETHERION! I CAN LEVEL ENTIRE NATIONS WITH THAT!"**_

I just grinned shakily as I lowered my hand from where I'd thrown up the portals to redirect the ungodly torrent of pure magic destruction that had threatened to shake apart the boundaries of my portals just by coming into contact with them. A single portal would've done the job of saving my bacon, but since it was a do-or-die gambit anyway, I went all in and summoned over a dozen portals to form our guild mark and make absolutely sure these two knew who they were dealing with. I couldn't turn my back to them to look at my handiwork, but I was pretty sure it had worked.

"I can do this all night!" I told them with the most absolute _bullshit _of bravado. Holding my portals together in the face of that assault (especially for that long!) had taken nearly sixty percent of my full power. If he fired again in the thirty seconds left I needed to get back to full power, I was almost certainly going to die.

The machine user narrowed his eyes at me and then pointed at me through the portal I'd been using to open fire on their position, rather baffling me as to how they'd managed to survive _my _attacks this long, "**_YOU'RE DAMN LUCKY I CAN'T FIRE THAT AGAIN BEFORE YOU FINISH RECHARGING! I CAN SEE YOUR POWER LEVELS! YOU COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER HIT LIKE THAT!_**"

I tilted my head, a grin forming as I felt myself nearing full charge again, "Lucky me!"

"Or not…" declared the sand guy from right behind me.

He should've kept his mouth shut, might've landed that hit that I portal blocked. Instead he got his hand portal chopped right off and caught my full body right (with explosion!) right in the jaw through a fresh portal that knocked him through _another _portal right back over by his friend. He picked himself up with a grin that looked way too much like Natsu picking a fight, and my brain kicked into overdrive as I saw his hand and face reform in whirls of sand.

"Logia body huh?" I mused, a counter tactic rapidly forming in my head, "Good to know. That would've been a nasty surprise otherwise."

"So you're as analytical as Wall huh? And you've got the power to absorb our magic and turn it back against us on top of being a skilled Spatial Mage to turn any attack you can't absorb," Sand guy asked, his grin growing steadily, "_Nice. _You're not the sort of opponent we can afford to play around with! I thought this was gonna be a boring mission, but you're making things interesting!_"_ Then he knelt and slammed his hands to the ground and what happened next wasn't like any magic I'd ever seen.

The closest thing in sheer scale and complexity was Master Precht's Earth Make Arena, but that was nowhere near this. Even the sand tsunami had been somewhat comprehensible, but now in an instant what seemed like half the desert had collected itself into three titanic golems that towered over me even though I was sixty feet in the air, and as I looked closer, I saw dozens of what looked an awful lot like miniature sand _dragons_ flocking around them. "BUT HOW ARE YOU GONNA DEAL WITH OPPONENTS THAT CAN'T BE BURNED OR BLASTED OR BEATEN?! I'VE FIGURED OUT YOUR LIMIT! I KNOW YOU CAN'T ABSORB ENOUGH POWER AT ONCE TO STOP THESE FROM CRUSHING YOU!"

I opened a portal to the ocean (thank god it was still in range!) big enough to block that giant satellite cannon again and slammed it down on top of the golems, dragons and whatever was unfortunate enough to be standing under them. Then I closed it. "Like that!" I declared simply, my grin returning as I picked out the utterly _floored_ expression on the sand guy's face, "You said it yourself! Anything I can't absorb, I can simply send away!"

Sand guy's face twitched for a moment and then twisted into a very ugly expression, "Oh _can you now?"_

In a split second, the calm clear desert night was gone. In its place was what felt like being buried alive despite the fact that I was still in midair. If it hadn't been for the sudden crush of magical energy around me and the roar of the howling sand, I'd have worried I'd been teleported underground. I took about ten seconds to realize he'd summoned a sandstorm, and that was apparently all he needed to drive his fist into my gut hard enough to drive the wind out of me and send any thoughts I might've had at that instant fluttering away. Over two dozen more blows landed in the space of a minute. With his sand body having merged with the storm, he could strike from any angle, at any time with no need for even drawing back since his blows were only limited by his awareness and titanic magic reserves. There was no way to defend because his body was effectively everywhere.

I felt ribs crack and burning pain as they were jammed into places where sharp broken bone really shouldn't be. My face lit up with a hundred paper cuts and my eyes were caked over and screaming with sand in them. Even worse was that they were swelling shut so I couldn't even try to blink them clear. He twisted my arm out of socket and I almost shouted as I felt the horrible _pop_ and my arm went limp and numb. If my nose wasn't broken it certainly felt like it was and that tasted an awful lot like powdered teeth in my mouth mixing with the blood and sand.

_Then _he messed up. He stilled the sand around us, caught me by the hair and yanked me up to look at him. I'm not sure what he was saying, my ears were ringing so bad that I couldn't hear him, but he was definitely gloating. He summoned an axe out of sand to finish me and I managed to crook a grin at him as the five seconds he'd given me to think gave me my way out. I made like I was going to spit in his face and as he gave me a look of pure disgust and hate, I opened my mouth, and in it, an inch-wide portal to a ten _meter_ wide portal at the bottom of the sea.

Sand-guy didn't have a prayer of dodging as the nearly four million psi water jet erupted right in his face. I grinned as I saw the look of horror and pain on his face and then I expanded and folded the water spewing portal to encompass me like an egg as I expanded the corresponding portal in the ocean even further. I shook my head as my aquatic eruption bought me time, and the instant my ears quit ringing and I could think properly, I started flexing my telekinesis in ways that would make Porlyusica either love me or hate me, and probably chase me with a broom either way.

The sand flew out of my eyes and my shoulder shoved itself back into place. I roared in pain and clutched it, before snarling as I forced my broken and severed veins back into proper alignment and shape, jamming the dislocated cells back into formation. It was something Master Precht had encouraged me to try the instant I'd suggested it, using telekinesis to force the very fibers of my being back together as a form of emergency healing magic. I'd done a couple of experiment cuts and bruises, but this was the first thing of this magnitude I'd done. If it weren't for my Archive giving me the layout and precision I needed, I wouldn't have dared attempt anything beyond shoving my shoulder back into place.

With it though? I quite literally pulled myself back together in the next two minutes and popped my neck irritably. I rolled my head and then my shoulder to make sure they were going to work right, cracked my knuckles and directed a glare at where I could sense the Sand-guy's mental signature, "_Payback time."_

I closed the portals and shoved out with my telekinesis, snatching control of the thousands of gallons of water I'd summoned, absolutely ready to turn them into a super weapon… and then the water froze. _All of it._ **FROZE.**

I sensed the Sand-guy's mind flailing for a solution to suddenly being encased in ice and just smirked as I calmly teleported out and above the bounds of the giant iceberg I could sense around us. What I saw shocked me more than anything else had that night. Where before had been glistening silver sand, was now a deep carpet of shimmering white _snow, _illuminated by the world shaking magic power I could feel behind me. The moon was gone, hidden behind a ceiling of storm clouds that had arrived from nowhere and rumbled with ominous greenish lightning and thunder as the wind roared around me menacingly.

I stared in shock, how had a blizzard arrived and dumped who knew how much snow on the ground in the five minutes I'd been trapped in that sand storm?!

Then suddenly the entire world flashed greenish white, a split second later the thunder nearly knocked me out of the air from the sheer force of the earth-shattering **BOOM**. It wasn't a "rattle the windows" thunderclap, it was a "blow them straight out" thunderclap, and as I careened through the air, my whole body felt like I had been slapped from the sky like a mosquito. The ringing in my ears and burning in my lungs certainly lent credence to the idea that some sky god had decided he didn't like me in his domain. My first half formed thought as I saw the ground hurtling toward me and filling my vision was, _Oh shi…_

Then something like steel bars connected to my ribs and thigh and snatched me sideways out of my free fall. A second later I found myself blinking up at Erza wearing a very cute pair of leopard ears and a very concerned expression. She was saying something, but I couldn't hear through the ringing in my ears. I raised my hands to my chest and grunted, "Thanks…" I forced my telekinesis to start piecing me back together and was mildly horrified as I felt the extent of the damage. Apparently I'd been way too close to the origin point of that lightning, because my ear drums were shredded, several of my internal organs were bleeding and by Archive's calculation, I had less than two minutes to fix it or I'd be dead, and fixing it would require even more power than the portal I'd deflected the satellite cannon with.

Between needing an immediate refuel or a casket, the answer was obvious. The magic roared through me and then the world erupted back into noise. I became aware that Erza had set me down and was shouting. I grimaced and clapped her on the back as I went to force myself back upright, "I can hear you now Erza. Thanks for the save. I'll owe you a dozen hero kisses if we survive this."

Erza reached out to stop me, "What are you thinking?! You can't fight like this! How did you even do that?! Your whole body was a giant purple bruise a second ago!"

I snapped up a hand and threw open a portal to deflect the heat seeker heading straight for us into the ground half a mile away. I grimaced as the effort gave me the start of a headache, "I can and if we want to survive this I have to! That weapon summoner from Alvarez has access to a friggin' satellite cannon, and I don't know how long it takes him to charge it but it takes over half my total power to deflect it! If he fires again, I don't know that anything else can stop it!"

"He can fire the Etherion _again?!_" Erza demanded, with a look of budding panic in her eye.

"He said he could and I'm not going to test him to see if he's-oh fuck…" The sky was glowing again. I inhaled the biggest gulp of magic power I could and prayed it was enough as I flung open the massive portal.

No fancy designs this time, in one hole and out the other back up into the sky. It shouldn't have been as hard to do a single simpler portal, but because I was so much weaker and more tired than I'd been on the first attempt, I still felt like my blood had turned to boiling pickle juice. Thankfully apparently Weapons-guy was tired too, because the power petered off a second later. Then, before I could even close the portal, the world started to roar as though the world's most insanely huge fireworks show were going on overhead. Off towards where I was pretty sure Weapons-guy was, there was nothing but blinding, flickering light for almost a solid minute.

Erza shielded her eyes and moved to get between me and whatever was causing that light. It was a small gesture, but one I greatly appreciated. Then everything went as quiet as the cool desert night had been before Alvarez arrived. "Did it get him?" Erza asked quietly.

Then my blood ran cold as I heard a voice that was way too mechanical to exist in this world of high fantasy and magic, "Odds of success with personality setting: Prankster, 3.42%. Unnacceptable. Personality setting change: Cold-Hearted. Target all non-allied living things within one mile of current location as well as Mildian Defense Network. Enhanced Exoskeleton Assault Mode. Magic Fusion Reactor ignite. Estimated time to target elimination: Fifteen minutes."

"Did we just piss off…" I was cut short by the need to deflect an incoming ball of plasma that lit the sky up with a brilliant orange explosion that rivaled any of the lightning a few minutes earlier. If Erza hadn't gotten between me and the light show that tried to incinerate him, I wouldn't have been able to see the bomb to deflect it.

"The fucking _Terminator…"_ I hissed angrily as I caught a glimpse of the orange and black, heavily armored cyborg giving us a glowing orange stare of merciless elimination with one glowing hand raised in our direction.

"Assault Wall, _on._" Then he was two feet from us and his fist crashed into my jaw like a meteor.

It knocked me out for a second, but Erza catching me jarred me back to consciousness. I briefly registered that I was upside down and then Erza had to drop me on my head to dual wield at speeds that made her swords and the cyborg's arms appear as nothing but a blur of metal. The cyborg shouldn't have gotten in close. Granted, it was the logical way to bypass my portals, but life doesn't work on logic.

I took a giant chomp of magic from the now extremely ethernano heavy air and tilted my hand. My telekinesis latched onto the metal comprising the cyborg's armored shoulders and…_CRUNCH!_ The cyborg bellowed in pain and leapt away, narrowly dodging the thrust that would've gone through his throat. I started chomping again as I pulled myself back to my feet, and a minute later wiped the blood off my chin. Even as I did, a flurry of bullets came screaming towards us again, only to be deflected by a barrage of portals. I didn't take my eyes off him to tell Erza, "I can handle his long range attacks if you can keep him off me, and I want you to swing as hard as you can in three, two, one."

I said it levelly so as not to alert the cyborg to the fact that I'd just opened a portal right behind his neck for Erza's blade to pass through. It didn't work, but it was worth a try. Then I had to slam the portal closed as a tank shell came screaming down. The cyborg dodged again, but then the fireball disappeared in what looked like a tangle of flaming spaghetti. I grinned broadly, "Cavalry's here!"

Then the cyborg went skipping and tumbling across the sand. Gajeel was right behind him and unless my eyes deceived me, he'd somehow turned his hands into really, _really _big chainsaws as he chased the cyborg right into the line of Natsu's Fire Dragon Roar.

I'm certain I wasn't the only one who blinked as Natsu's unstoppable inferno suddenly winked out and then my eyes widened as I saw the tell tale pale blue glow of ice magic, followed by a dull brownish-orange glow that made Gajeel's chainsaws crumble as he swung them closed on the cyborg's guard. The cyborg lashed out with a punch and knocked Gajeel flying. Natsu shot forward on a burst of flames and got clotheslined by a rock-solid punch right in his face as the cyborg calmly sidestepped his wild charge. Erza's decapitating strike to the back of the cyborg's head was dodged just as calmly and the cyborg used jets in his feet to pull and impossible horizontal spin and axe kick to Erza's back. I only narrowly managed to snap a portal open and use it to snare the cyborg's foot before the kick could connect.

It would've worked a lot better if his foot hadn't simply disconnected and been regrown just in time to plant a kick in Natsu's gut as that brown crumbling magic disintegrated Erza's swords to leave her open for a punch that sent her flying. Another tank shell came down as Erza and Natsu flew clear and the ensuing fireball was instantly canceled out by that ice magic again. Then the cyborg was suddenly _encased_ in ice. There was a split second of shock before he burst free in a burst of heat that I could feel even from two hundred feet away.

That was when it hit me, "HE'S USING WEAKNESS TARGETING MAGIC! NATSU! FIRE STORM!"

Natsu may not be the best at thinking, but one thing nobody can deny is that he trusts his friends. Anyone else would've protested that the cyborg had already proven he had a perfect counter for that. Not Natsu. He immediately broke out a full throttle Fire Dragon Roar.

Once again, the cyborg unleashed a wave of cold magic to cancel it out, only this time, I threw my portal to the sea floor back open and dumped a torrent on him. What or whoever was controlling the storm had apparently caught on, because in less than a second, the cyborg was encased in ice again.

The cyborg unleashed another wave of intense heat to burn out of the ice as I snapped my portal closed, and just as the ice evaporated, Erza, Natsu and Gajeel came at him in a three directional scissor from his front back and left while I threw open a portal to the ground to act as a wall to his right and above. The cyborg managed to block Natsu's punch and Gajeel's chainsaw, but Erza's crimson sword went right through its chest.

Then Natsu and Gajeel got their hands on the cyborg and helped Erza tear it to pieces. We looked around warily and then that horrible mechanical voice declared, "Error. Situation exceeds expected parameters." We turned and saw the damn thing had somehow conjured a _second body for itself at the last second._ The cyborg regarded us coolly from next to the giant iceberg its partner was trapped in and then it reached out and casually melted the ice. A second later as the frozen sand turned into mud, the sand guy reformed himself, clutching the gaping chest wound I had given him and hanging onto the cyborg for support.

The cyborg looked at Sand-guy and his eyes glowed for a second, then, "Analysis complete. Odds of success in current condition: 29.59%. Odds of Ajeel Raml surviving without immediate medical attention: 2.95%." His face twisted into a scowl, "Suggested course of action: Tactical Retreat."

He lifted the sand-guy, whose name I guessed was Ajeel, in a bridal carry and sand-guy raised a hand (it was his right hand, I was surprised he could move it given what I'd done to that side of his chest) to force out, "Hold it Wall…" He turned a pained gaze on me, "You, portal wizard. What is your name?"

"I am Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail," I answered firmly, "And yours?"

"I am Ajeel Raml, Prince of Habarga and Shield of Spriggan," he replied with a proud grin as he gently clapped a fist over his heart, "I look forward to doing battle with you again someday."

I nodded and returned the salute with a nod, "I'll be waiting."

Ajeel grinned and clapped the cyborg on the shoulder, "Hit it Wall!" The cyborg's jet pack (_and when did he summon a jet pack?!_) flared and he took off, flying away so fast that a minute later they were nothing but a faint light on the horizon.

I watched them go and then, "Oh good, guess that means we won…"

My vision went dim and then, _WHUMP._ Face, meet dirt.

It probably would've hurt if I hadn't been out cold when I hit. I might not have been at Magic Exhaustion, but that didn't mean for one second that my body wasn't well past the limits of _physical _exhaustion.

...

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**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

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**_Valentine's Day Special: What if Jerry HADN'T been sent to Earthland to join Fairy Tail?_**

_*Clears throat* Yes, you read that right. Next week is an AU where I'll show what would've become of Jerry if he'd never been sent to Earthland. It's a bit slice-of-life, very down to earth, and definitely a romance. _

_If you're not interested in seeing the pairing with arguably the best chemistry of any of Jerry's potential matches play out as it canonically WOULD HAVE if Jerry hadn't gotten isekai'd to Earthland, as well as find out what the counterparts of FIVE MORE beloved characters are like in Jerry's world, then you've been warned._

_YES. YOU READ THAT RIGHT._

_Next week's special is what Jerry's true final pairing would've been if he'd never been sent to Earthland._

_..._

**_That being said, even if you don't read it, I still strongly encourage you to check it out to see the results of the poll over whether or not this story will be following a harem route._**

**_Yes, that poll ends next Thursday night._**

**_If you haven't voted yet and want your opinion known, you'd better hurry!_**

_You can leave a comment with your vote or if you don't like comments, then you can pop over to my profile page and the poll is at the top so you can vote anonymously._

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...

For those of you **sticks in the mud** who skip my holiday specials, here's a sneak peak at _Chapter 26: Onward,_ which will be out February 21st and among a few other hints and surprises will offer a MAJOR hint to Jerry's backstory.

_..._

* * *

_ I'm not sure when it was that I woke up. A part of my brain knew that I should by all means feel like a hammered pile of shit from that beating Ajeel had given me, but there was no pain. I felt weak, like my whole body had gone limp, but it didn't hurt. It wasn't as though my body were heavy and required too much effort to move, I honestly felt like I had become a cloud. I was vaguely aware of someone gently stroking my hair (which hadn't grown back anything like in full although that didn't register with me until later) and I opened my eyes. _

_The light through the leaves should've blinded me, but it was soft and welcoming. My eyes immediately met a pair of the most heart stoppingly beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen gazing down at me from beneath golden blonde hair, and the smile that accompanied them would've taken my breath away if there'd been any in me to begin with._

_ "So you're awake," She chuckled, "Are you really in that much of a hurry to come back to me?"_

_ My confusion must've been evident on my face because she laughed lightly, "Don't worry about it too much. Just live for now, you're almost there. Try to be a little less reckless from now on okay? If your body wasn't chock full of magic making you tougher through that fight, you would've died when your wounds opened back up after you passed out. You came close enough to come visit_ _me__ anyway!"_


	30. Valentine's Day! Poll result and omake!

**AN: _Okeydokey! It's Valentine's Day, and as promised, first thing's first! Here are the results of the poll on whether or not this story should be a harem story or not!_**

**_"No I wanna know who the final pairing is gonna be!" : 11_**

**_"Yes harem ending!" : 25 _**

**_As you all can see, harem ending wins with over double the amount of votes, so multi-pairings are definitely now a thing and Jerry will be having children and stable ongoing relationships with multiple women._**

**_Honestly I'm very pleased with these results because I really didn't want to write the scene where Jack's mother dies. It's always been my intent for this to be a lighthearted and fun story, but that would've been unquestionably a horrific tragedy. I would've done it if that's what the votes had said, but the poll's closed now and closed on a very happy note._**

**_For those of you who wanted to know what the final pairing was going to be, take heart, Jerry still gets with her, and I WILL be calling it out when it hits him. I can't tell you who it is right now because it would spoil a hell of a lot of surprises that I've been working very hard to keep under wraps and trust me, you don't want me spoiling this one._**

**_..._**

**_Anyway! This week's special as promised last week, reveals who Jerry's final pairing would've been if he'd never been sent to Earthland. Without further ado... Drum roll please! (drums)_**

**_..._**

**_And the winner would have beeeeen..._**

**CANA**

**_(her counterpart anyway)_**

_**This week is the story of how that would've happened and features the counterparts to Gajeel, Juvia, Levy, Gray and Gildarts (mentioned).**_

(Please note that this is not necessarily indicative of who Jerry's final pairing would've been since he HAS been sent to Earthland and has a chance to meet a lot of people he otherwise wouldn't have. I will go ahead and confirm that Cana would NOT have been Jack's mother regardless of how the poll fell.)

_**Before we get started though, Reviewer Replies!**_

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**_DarkDrawerJ: _**_(grins cheekily) __As always glad you're enjoying and happy to keep the hype train rolling! Please enjoy the special!_

**_Prometo:_**_ Glad you enjoyed! I honestly worried it would be a little too short, but that's just how it played out. Yes, it was Wall Icht (Varu if you prefer, I know him as Wall) of the Spriggan 12, and yes anytime Jerry uses Portal Magic, it's what he learned from Virgo. You're looking forward to the special? Hooray! Here ya go! :D_

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…

_**==Two Weeks After Jerry Would've Been Sent To Earthland==**_

…

I stepped out of the meeting, a thirst for travel reignited that I hadn't even realized I had let burn nearly out. I stopped and pulled my phone from my pocket, quickly selecting the number. "Hey Mom? I think I'd like to try this study abroad thing. Brazil sounds interesting."

I didn't even have to see her to know she was grinning smugly, "Oh? Just yesterday I was having to threaten to cut you off to make you attend. I guess the meeting went well?"

I nodded, "Mmm, Doc seems like a fun guy, and even if it's a total flop it's only a week. Regardless of how bad it is, I'm sure I can stand it for a week. It _is _a few thousand dollars though."

"Don't worry, we can make it happen. You might never get another chance like this, it's best to take it while you can!"

I smiled, "Thanks Mom."

"Did you get an itinerary?"

"Yeah, I'll bring and show it to you next weekend."

"You're coming home next weekend?"

"Thought I might."

"Be sure to bring your laundry!"

"I already did my laundry!"

* * *

…

==Six Months Later==

…

* * *

Rather than drive five hours to the airport, I rode with the professor in charge of the trip along with an older woman who was also on the trip and a beautiful girl with long dark hair, stunningly beautiful dark blue eyes and a body that would make a succubus feel mildly inadequate, who I belatedly realized I had met before. "Hey, weren't you in that 10:00 Public Speaking I had last semester? Ana right?"

She looked over at me in surprise and then recognition lit her face, "Oh yeah! Jerry right?"

I nodded, "Yeah, that's me! Jerry Granger. You excited?"

She nodded, "Yeah, my dad flies all over the world, but I've never been overseas by myself before. You?"

I grinned, "I've been a few places. My Mom works for a museum, so she's had a few trips to London to help with exhibits and stuff at the British Museum. That's the only place I've been except for that one trip to Japan when I was a kid. Kinda wanna go back there some time, but I've never been to a jungle before, so this little jaunt down the Amazon ought to be interesting. What's your dad do?"

"Funny thing, my dad actually works for a museum too. He's an archaeologist."

"Oh do tell, do tell!"

Doc grinned at us as he walked up from where he'd just finished checking in on the last arrivals, "Alright, ready to go?" He had already checked to make sure we had our passports and everything. We nodded and climbed into the backseat.

As Doc started the car, he grinned over his shoulder at us, "No making out in the backseat you two! Do that in your own car!"

I took a second to register that and then swapped a glance with Ana. She blushed and immediately looked away, going from 'obscenely hot' to 'ridiculously adorable' in the space of two seconds. _Thanks Doc, _I thought to myself as the thought of making out with Ana incited the natural reaction and I had to shift around in my seat a bit, _now I'm gonna think about it every time I look in her direction._

Doc proceeded to regale us with tales of his days as a DJ at a gay nightclub while blasting, '_I want a Mexican radio!'_ and _Queen_ all the way to Atlanta. It did help cut down on the awkwardness though, even if I couldn't stop myself from shooting glances across the seat every once in a while.

…

* * *

...

I was quietly rather ecstatic that Ana got the seat next to me on the flight down. Then it got even better as she groaned, "Ugh, I wish I had brought a pillow. I really wanna take a nap."

I angled my chest towards her, spread my arms and patted my right shoulder. She blinked and then a large grin spread across her face and she proceeded to use me for a pillow for the rest of the flight. Then a voice from behind me mused, "Smooooth bro!"

My head whipped around so hard I almost popped my neck, "GABE?!"

Gabe just grinned at me as Julie leaned around him, "Long time no see Jerry!"

Ana looked over at them in surprise, "Friends of yours?"

"Best friends!" I exclaimed excitedly.

"Do I need to move?" Ana asked politely.

Just then the 'Fasten Seatbelts' light clicked on and I raised an eyebrow, "Guess that answers that." Ana just grinned and made herself comfortable.

"So ya finally found yerself a girlfriend eh Jerry?" Gabe grinned, "'Bout time."

I looked back over at him, "Eh? No, she's not my girlfriend." _Yet, _I mouthed to Julie's narrowly suppressed squeal of delight. "What about you? You settled on one yet?"

Gabe grinned and motioned for me to look two rows ahead as Julie giggled. I tilted my head and caught a glimpse of sunny blonde hair two rows up which quickly revealed a _very _cute face to go with it when she turned to look at something her friend across the aisle was showing her. "My Spanish tutor," Gabe declared with a grin.

"Pero porque necesitas un tutor?" I asked. Gabe was better at Spanish than me and my grandpa on my mom's side actually _was _Spanish.

"No necesita for _español_…" Julie teased with a grin.

Gabe shrugged with a grin, "Tarea es caca."

"Siii…" I mused with a sagely nod. Homework was indeed bullshit.

Normally I'd sleep for at least a good portion of the flight, but this time I wound up happily catching up with my two best friends. A year and a half without them had left a horrible hole in my life and it lifted my spirits no end to see them again.

…

* * *

…

We stayed in a hotel in downtown Manaus the first night there, and the only impression it left on me was 'don't wander around in downtown Manaus'. Of course, it was around midnight when we arrived, so even the airport, which I got the impression doubled as a thriving flea market during the day, was all but abandoned and more than a little off putting. I honestly remember nothing else that happened that night other than me and Gabe finding out we were roommates.

Very early the next morning, we were shuffled off onto a bus and driven out through countryside which Gabe said reminded him of Arkansas but with palm trees. I was quite disappointed that nobody but me saw that sloth on the side of the road. It may seem like a small detail and an odd thing to remember and mention, but I was very excited to see a sloth. If you ever get the opportunity, do not attempt to hug a sloth, because they are _not_ excited to see you.

We arrived at our…I'm not sure what the word for it is. It was a collection of simple small white houses that acted like a hotel with a central building that had a large outdoor dining area next to a small pool.

Gabe and I wound up bunking with a third fellow named Ray Fulton. Ray seemed like a pleasant enough guy, although I did have to question the sanity of a guy who never wore anything but shorts, flip flops, and button down shirts that he kept open at every possible opportunity, including quite a lot when he probably shouldn't. For example, hiking through the rain forest. _That's not a good plan in the rainforest! _(And we told him so!)

His answer to that was bug spray, which he used like cologne for the majority of the trip. Not that it helped him any, but we'll get to that soon enough. Suffice to say that Julie was not the only one questioning if he was bonkers.

We dropped off our belongings in our assigned rooms and then we were bundled back onto our buses for a jaunt out to a nice little nature reserve about an hour away. We were led along a trail through the jungle and shown many plants. We wound up making our way down to a rather short but wide waterfall which was apparently a popular date spot if the young local couple we saw trying and failing to be subtle about what they were doing a little ways down stream was anything to go by. In a river in the jungle is _not _the place to be doing that…

Anyway, we were also shown a nice cave, which had an oddly sandy floor and was home to some small bats. I got a picture of one particular bat who I swear looked like he was smiling and screaming, "HIIII TOURISTS!" I showed him to Ana and she found him adorable.

We also saw a small green snake slithering along near the ceiling of that cave that we made a point not to disturb. The bats didn't care, they were just hanging out.

We went a ways further down the trail and passed way too close to an entire cliffside covered in cobwebs. Cobwebs with bulges the size of basketballs in them that I don't even want to think about what might have been in them although I have a pretty good idea. Again, more on that later.

We were going to go even further downstream, but another tour group was coming back up the trail and told us that the bridge was out and we couldn't go the rest of the way down the trail. We turned around and went back the way we came, once again giving the cobweb cliff as wide a berth as we could on the not even five foot wide path that took us right along the base of it. That was a truly terrible place for a path. Gives me shivers just thinking about it.

We were then driven to a restaurant by a different river, thankfully devoid of spiders. I notably got to ride shotgun on the way there, so I had a fantastic view. Brazil really is a beautiful country. Bit of a shame that there's so much of it that scares the crap out of me, but overall it's very beautiful.

Anyway, the food at the restaurant was local cuisine which I recall not really taking to that much. They offered us something called 'Jaguar Milk' which they told us was an aphrodisiac.

"You think we should try it?" Ana asked as we observed the little cups full of well…milk.

"Worst case scenario, food poisoning," I mused, "Best case scenario, we immediately want to jump each other's bones and go at it like bunnies for a while. Most _likely_ scenario, we have a nice drink and tease each other about it for a while."

Ana looked at me like I'd started speaking gibberish and then smirked and gently swatted me on the shoulder, "Pervert."

"That is the definition of an aphrodisiac coupled with the observation that you are an incredibly desirable woman," I replied dryly, "There's nothing perverted about i…wow just going straight for it huh?" Ana just threw hers back like a shot glass and drained it all in one go.

Ana mused over the flavor and then smirked at me, "Nope, no increased urge to jump your bones. We'll have to wait and see about the food poisoning."

"The food poisoning is less likely than the actual hypothetical aphrodisiac effects," I declared, "How's the taste?"

"Try it and find out," she told me with a grin.

I calmly drained my cup and glanced at the ceiling before turning my gaze on Ana. An utterly shocked expression spread across my face as my eyes went wide. Ana recoiled slightly, "What?"

"Nothing!" I told her with a grin, "I just wanted to tease you a little."

Ana swatted me gently and called me a dork, but she was also smiling when she said it.

…

* * *

…

You'd think things would be tame and calm that night. Nope. Gabe's Spanish tutor who's name I learned to be Levy and the significantly older lady who'd ridden over to Atlanta with me, Doc and Ana came over to check out our little apartment, house..._thing._ Ray and I had the front room, and Gabe had the back which was between our bedroom and the bathroom. Ana and Julie showed up as well, but they left not long after arriving, declaring that they'd be at the main dining area.

It is worth noting that all four of them had been drinking. If Ray and I had had any indication of this, we would've followed Ana and Julie to the dining pavilion immediately.

Ray was going to try to sleep. I was going to try to read the nice book I'd picked up at the airport and managed to get about ten chapters into while waiting for our plane. Next thing I know, the older lady and Levy are discussing very private things in the next room and sound an alarming lot like they're taking off their clothes. The standout comment of that exchange was, "Oh you shave yours?"

In Levy's case that situation was not a bad thing, I'm sure Gabe was delighted. In the case of the older woman whose name I have thoroughly forgotten in an attempt to expunge the visuals associated with this memory, it was considerably less of a good thing.

I buried my nose in my book, and I'm certain that I was blushing utterly crimson as I tried to ignore what was going on in the room next door. I succeeded enough that I actually didn't notice the older lady coming out butt naked to inform Ray that they were 'ready for him.' I had my eyes glued to the page and had quite thoroughly tuned the world out.

Ray got my attention though by immediately bolting out the door in his boxers the instant she went back into the back room with a hastily grabbed shirt flapping in the breeze behind him. I looked up just in time for her to poke her entire top half (still completely nude mind you!) back out the door and ask, "Where'd he go?"

"Same place I'm going," I declared as I immediately averted my eyes, set my book down and reached for my boots, "Over to the dining pavilion. Have fun, we'll be back later." The rest of the group found it utterly hilarious. We found it considerably less so.

Ray and I didn't go back for over an hour until we were sure that the woman who we had come to realize was a cougar was gone. We then consulted Gabe about what the exact hell had gone down. Gabe declared that nothing had happened except for him getting a surprise show of mixed quality. "At least you got to see Levy naked," I mused.

"Yeah, that was definitely the good part," Gabe declared, "That _never _gets old."

Ray and I did a small double take, "You've seen it before?"

Gabe just grinned all smug, "Let's just say the tutorin' is very thorough."

Ray and I immediately congratulated him because Levy was indeed an excellent catch, and we politely kept quiet about Levy sneaking in to, ah, _bunk _with him every night for the rest of the trip.

…

* * *

…

The next morning, we were led down the hill from where we were staying to a much more impressive waterfall which we all agreed rendered the one from the day before completely moot. We wouldn't have wanted to go to the other one if we'd known that that much better waterfall was right down the hill from us. There was a zipline at this one, although they weren't able to get it set up in time for any of us to try it.

Afterwards, it was back onto the bus and back to Manaus for our departure up the Amazon river. We'd been told prior to arrival that we'd be going in basically glorified rowboats and would have to leave the majority of our luggage in a storage locker. This was proven completely false to even Doc's surprise, and we were delighted to find a full size and very nice double decker ferry waiting for us at the dock.

We spent a fair part of the day sailing up the Amazon and then the Rio Negro after passing the famous 'Meeting of the Waters'. Julie described it rather aptly as looking like chunks of peanut butter floating in grape juice. Among other things, we saw two floating gas stations and the end of the rainbow. If we hadn't been acutely aware of what was probably living in that water, we might have been tempted to dive down and find out about that pot of gold. As was, we decided that none of us needed the money _that _badly.

We wound up spending the next two nights in thatched huts a little ways uphill from the river banks. There was no hot water beyond what the sun heated during the day, and there was only an hour or so's worth of electricity anywhere except the bar. When we got back to our thatched hut that first night, I nearly had a heart attack as I picked up my suitcase to set it off my cot and saw something alive and nearly as long as my forearm under it.

My first thought? SPIDER.

My second thought upon noticing the scales? SNAKE.

My third thought after I was already halfway into a bellow of abject terror? "Oh thank god it's only a gecko…"

I spent the _entirety _of those nights in the rainforest sitting bolt upright, facing the wall as far away as I could get from it in case something decided to come down it. Ray, Gabe and Levy slept normally, but _they_ had not come within an inch of a heart attack on the first night.

We wound up spending a _lot _of time in the bar since that was the only place with any light after dark. In addition to the gecko which we never saw again, there were also spiders. Not little spiders, _tarantulas,_ big hairy ones the size of rats with glowing eyes and foamy fangs that apparently made their home _in the straw roofs of our huts_.

Doc laughed his ass off at us because we had scoffed at the notion of his 'bug tent' which he'd brought to sleep in. Turned out he was completely right to bring it! We all apologized quite profusely for doubting him.

It wasn't all bad though, most of that time we spent at the bar was with Ana, Julie, and Doc, (Gabe and Levy were rather busy) so it was all spent in extremely good company. There was also plenty of booze to help calm our nerves over the spiders, that one fist sized scorpion that Ray and I spotted, the small but poisonous snake our tour guide nonchalantly tied in a knot as he was putting it out of the guest area, and the sounds of what we're pretty sure was a capybara being brutally murdered and eaten just beyond the glow of the electric lights.

Among other things, I am now not nearly so scared of spiders as I was before the trip. It's rather difficult to be scared of something I can crush with one hand when I've seen its cousin which I'd probably be hard pressed to kill with a Brazilian flyswatter (better known as a square point shovel). Why? Because the damn things are the size of fully grown and well-fed _cats_. Apparently, they are called 'bird spiders' because _that's what they eat_.

I also got to have a nice hour long chat with Ana between jungle tours about books and we discovered that we have similar tastes in literature. Said chat took place in a hammock which I got to share with her, and that made it just that much better.

Other highlights of that part of the trip include fishing for piranha which were much too good at getting the bait off the hooks, visiting a local farm, and getting within about ten feet of a couple of sloths who wanted absolutely nothing to do with us. That was a bad day for the camera batteries to die. We also managed to spot the fabled neon rainbow acting as a halo around some clouds thanks to an odd quirk of my sunglasses. It looked a bit like an oily puddle in the sky.

…

* * *

…

After two days in the jungle, we got back on the ferry and headed back to Manaus. On the way, we were afforded a rare sight: Freshwater river dolphins. They were unfortunately very good at dodging camera shots. That, or I am just very bad at taking pictures.

We spent the afternoon taking a brief tour around Manaus's more historical district and went to a very famous opera house. We didn't get to go in the president's box, because that was apparently not allowed. Ana was a bit disappointed by that because she wanted the best view in the house for a picture. As I pointed out, it doesn't do much good to make the box off limits if the box next to it is less than a foot away from it. A little bit of stretching on my part and Ana got her picture. I don't know if the tour guide noticed, and the way Ana was smiling, I really don't care either.

After the tour, and that's sadly about all I remember from the tour, we went to the airport and sat around for a while waiting on our plane. While we were sitting there, I noticed that my feet were itching like mad. Upon pulling down my boot and sock I discovered that my feet had turned a lovely mottled mix of _purple and yellow._ To this day, I still don't know what the hell it was. I'm pretty sure it was the fact that my boots and socks were very tight and I was in a very hot and humid environment, but it cleared up after a getting a bit of air at the hotel in Rio where I wasn't worried about jungle parasites burrowing into my skin. (Thanks for the horror stories that made me nervous to even pee in the toilets there Doc.)

I rolled up my socks, pulled my boot back up and pretended nothing had happened. Julie was the one to realize I looked like I was trying really hard not to freak out and when I showed it to her she suggested a foot medicine to get and letting it get some air once we got to Rio. The joys of having a med student for a best friend! Don't know if it was the air or the medicine, but whatever it was it worked.

…

* * *

…

The first day in Rio, jet lag hit me like a truck. It's notable because that's the only time I've ever had jet lag. I don't even remember checking into our hotel that morning (granted it was very early…I think).

We were having a meeting with some executive from a Brazilian oil company around mid-morning, and while we waited, I wound up dozing off in the lobby. Ana woke me up when it was time to go in and as cheesy as it may sound, I realized right then and there that I actually wanted her to be the first thing I saw when I woke up a _lot _more often. That white blouse and black skirt may be a common look, but I've never seen anyone rock it as well as she does. For an emotionally stunted stick in the mud like I had been for the preceding year and a half, that was quite the earth-shaking realization.

The meeting basically boiled down to a presentation and an okay breakfast. I remember the gist of it, but that's about all I got. I'm not sure how awake I was given the whole nodding off in the lobby thing, but nobody had to poke me awake, and Gabe would definitely have thrown a bagel at me if he'd thought he could land that hit. Ray would too, but he didn't know us quite well enough yet to be in on the running gag that was '_The Eternal, Great and Glorious BREAKFAST WAAAR!'_.

After that we got on a bus and at some point we wound up at a mall. Ana and I had ice cream from a McDonalds stand which sold nothing but McDonalds ice cream. We were rather confused by that, but it was America food so we were happy to see it anyway. You never realize how much you miss home until you've been completely away from everything that even remotely resembles it for a while and then you find something that reminds you of it.

We actually didn't buy anything, we weren't there long. Afterwards we wound up heading out to a popular board walk, which turned into something approximating a date with Ana since we wound up dancing together to the music of the little band that was there. It was night time, so I couldn't see worth a shit, but Ana wanted to dance and that was plenty of information for me.

We were then bundled up onto our bus and taken to a nearby neighborhood for samba lessons. I learned I am halfway passable with a drum, but Jerry's booty do not shake like dat. _Ana's _booty on the other hand shakes very much like that, and I like that very much.

The next day we went to see Cristo Redentor. For those of you who don't know, that's a freaking huge statue of Jesus on top of a mountain overlooking all of Rio de Janeiro. It's very impressive and the view is simply astounding, especially on such a clear and beautiful day.

On the way up the mountain, we took a rail car that was almost vertical most of the way up. I could not have given a hoot less about which way the car was going, because Ana was deeply afraid of that hornet on the ceiling and clinging to me like a security blanket. That is the only time I had ever liked anything that stings, but with Ana looking extra gorgeous in that little orange sundress, I could not even begin to bring myself to dislike that minding-his-own-business little bug.

I got several pictures at the top, including a fantastic selfie with Ana which is, needless to say, my favorite of the bunch.

That afternoon we went and strolled down Copacobana beach with Gabe, Julie, Levy, Ray and Doc. Doc bought a hat from a man with twenty hats balanced on his head, and then we found our way over to this fancy little Italian restaurant for dinner. I'm not sure if they were annoyed by us taking three of their very small tables, but Doc shared one with Ray and Julie, Gabe and Levy had one, and I got to share one with Ana.

They had a live band of guys in suits going around serenading the tables. They spent fifteen minutes serenading our three tables. The food was excellent, still some of the best Italian food I've ever had, and the company was of course amazing.

This we later agreed was our first date. I got a goodnight kiss when we got back to our hotel! Over the moon does not _begin _to describe my elation, and completely smitten doesn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. In retrospect, it makes me even more grateful that she liked me too because she could've smashed my heart like an egg right then.

The next day was our last in Brazil, and we spent it hunting a doctor's office because Levy had a large spider bite that she'd noticed the night before, and given what we'd seen in the jungle, caution seemed the wiser path. So our little group of seven found our way to a doctor, and were in and out in less than half an hour.

On the way there, Ray brought up the odd red marks all over his forearms which had popped up after our stay in the jungle and also resembled bug bites. It took me about five seconds to remember that he'd slept with his arms under his pillow and realize, "Dude, _it was in your pillow._" Ray went pale as a sheet and then also wound up speaking with the doctor, but the doctor told them both quite bluntly, that if it were going to do anything, it would've done it by then. So our worries alleviated, off we went.

Perhaps we were walking through a bad part of town? I think we must've been because as we were walking back, Doc suddenly yanked all six of us at a dead run down the block to the opposite corner where there was a crowded store. "Did you guys see those guys trying to box us in?!"

I'm not sure about the others, but I about shit bricks as I realized what he meant. Another half a block in that direction and we would've gotten mugged. Between me, Julie and Gabe, we could've probably taken the three we saw, guns or not. We were all very well trained and had trained rather extensively _explicitly for_ beating the crap out of people with guns and not getting killed in the process. That doesn't mean any of us wanted to find out just how sharp our skills still were, especially with Doc, Ray, Levy and Ana there, so we were all very glad Doc had been paying attention.

We were rattled a little bit worse when we realized that we were only a block from our hotel, but since we were so close we just went around the other side of the block and slipped back into our hotel to wait for the bus.

We popped in at one more mall to burn time until our flight home. I got a new coat, and bought Ana a pink stuffed dolphin because she had been so excited about the ones we saw on our way back down the Amazon. I got a kiss on the cheek that had me grinning like an idiot the entire way home.

…

* * *

…

After we got back to the States, Ana and I started dating, and over the course of the next three years we fell in love. We had two more trips abroad, and got to reunite with Gabe, Levy, Ray and Julie both times. Ray and Julie had what Ana and I later learned to be their first kiss in a night club in Madrid.

Gabe and Levy beat us all to the punch on getting married. Gabe actually proposed to Levy _at the top of the Eiffel Tower._

Ana and Julie swatted and scolded me and Ray both for not letting them in on it when we immediately started snapping pictures for our friend because we'd subtly gotten in position ahead of time, but they were both much too excited to be _too _upset. I would've made it a double, Ana and I were _more _than sufficiently attached, and we'd been banging like bunnies in heat for six months. My family loves her, consider her the best thing to ever happen to me (I agree), and her dad likes me and approves of our relationship (thank god because Ana loves her daddy), but Ana had promised her dad to not get married until after college.

Gabe and Levy had a lovely wedding that next spring, and the following year's trip to Peru wound up doubling as the second half of Gabe and Levy's honeymoon (they'd gone skiing for the first half). Going by when their baby girl Emma was born, Levy was _definitely _pregnant by the end of it.

There is one more very important trip to mention though, and that was the trip down to the coast of the Gulf of Mexico to visit Ana's father and family. I booked us a room at a _very _fancy casino for a Ron White show (Ana has an exceptionally raunchy sense of humor and I love it).

After the show…

…

* * *

…

Ana kissed me on the cheek, "You go try the slots, I'm gonna go play some Blackjack." Have I mentioned that Ana's amazing at cards? I swear she counts 'em but I can't do it myself so I can't prove it. Doesn't change the fact that she never loses except when we're playing strip poker.

I gently pulled her to me and kissed her before giving her a grin, "Don't worry about the time if you get on a hot streak, we've got the whole weekend."

Ana grinned, "Oh don't worry, I know." She kissed me again and headed for the Blackjack tables. I took a second to watch her go like the lovestruck fool I am for her, because god she looked sexy in that black dress. Then I turned my attention to the bright lights and flashing screens of the slot machines as my brain kicked into analytical overdrive. I'm not nearly as good with numbers as Ana, but I'm _very _good at paying attention.

This was actually part of the reason I'd booked the whole weekend. Ana deserved the best of everything, and I was no millionaire. Neither was she although I was pretty sure her dad was, and with her being an only child, I knew she'd inherit. I'd known her family had money after about a month of dating her, but I hadn't realized just exactly how utterly _loaded_ she was until she took me home with her to meet him and 'home' turned out to be a mansion with a couple of acres and I shit you not a _butler_.

I'd taken an experimental practice run a few weeks earlier to a nearby local casino and managed to rack up almost enough to retire cheaply by playing incredibly carefully and paying hawk like attention. I hadn't told her because I wanted to surprise her, but with that extra five grand in my pocket to attempt to multiply, I had enough cushion to try again. It gave me no small surge of confidence that the first attempt had yielded enough for me to consider _five thousand dollars _an acceptable loss.

After half an hour of careful watching, I selected my target and sat down to play.

…

* * *

…

I'm not sure how much time went by, but I know it was a lot. I was in the _zone_ and my method was working like sheer madness. My pocket was filled with a wad of payout receipts the size of my fist, not small ones either!

I was yanked from my focus right as I was about to hit a jackpot by Ana wrapping her arms around me from behind, "Having fun?"

I grinned over my shoulder at her, "Making bank." I reached over, hit the button, and the machine lit up like Times Square. Ana's eyes went wide and I grinned devilishly as I plucked the payout receipt from the machine. I handed it to her, "I think I'm okay to cash out now."

Ana's jaw dropped as she read the receipt and then a big smile spread across her face, "Yeah, I think that'll work." I fished out the wad of receipts from my pocket and waved them at her, "I had one heck of a night, this may take a little while."

Ana smirked and held up a stack of gold colored poker chips to wave them at me, "You and me both handsome!"

My eyes bugged out a little, "How much are those?"

"Ten thousand, _each, _and I've got more in my purse,_"_ she told me with a grin that made that simple fact sound like the most perfect an inviting invitation to bed I'd ever heard. If I haven't mentioned it yet, I am pretty convinced that Ana could talk about gastrointestinal distress and make it sound sexy as hell if she wanted to. Yes, she is _that good_ at dirty talk.

We cashed out _half _of my winnings and it was so much that the cashier wired it to my bank account rather than make me lug around that much cash. We wound up getting royal treatment with much fanfare, and wound up extending our stay as the casino offered us an upgrade to an exceptionally lavish suite for _free_. We didn't cash Ana's in just yet because there was something I wanted to do first.

"Sex on a pile of gold?" she teased as we made our way to our room, "What are you a dragon?"

"I have the most beautiful and amazing princess in the world," I told her with a smile as I leaned in for a kiss, "Can you blame me for wanting to ravish her in the most ostentatious of ways?"

Ana smiled, "Well, when you put it like that…how about you let me go get changed so that we can get right on that, Mr. Dragon?"

I grinned and my hand went for what I'd had in my _other _pocket all night, "Before we do that, there's one more thing I want to do first…" I gave her the very best long, slow 'I-love-you' kiss I could, "I've already asked your dad, and I wanted to surprise you. I actually did that thing with the slot machines a few weeks ago, I won enough that we can both retire before we ever even have to get a job. This tonight was over twice that much. I've got quite a lot of life left to live, and I can't think of anyone in the world I could ever even conceive of spending it with except you. So my beautiful princess…"

I dropped to one knee and pulled the ring out, "Ana Clive, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"YES!" I don't think Ana had ever pounced me quite that excitedly before. I know that was about the hottest sex we'd ever had, and yes, we did do it on our pile of gold, a pile of hundred dollar bills, and pretty much every surface in that hotel room except the ceiling.

Julie, Doctor Julia Fulton by then, helped deliver our baby girl Rin (happy, healthy and absolutely perfect) less than two years later, and like something straight out of a fairy tale, we lived happily ever after.

**THE END**

**...**

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

_We found Happy near a river and almost didn't recognize him. He more closely resembled a flailing silver mass of scales than his usual irritating self. It wasn't until Natsu all but **nuked** Happy's assailants off him and left him quivering in a fine coat of charcoal that we realized what had been on him while Natsu lifted him into his arms and called frantically, _

_"**HAPPY! HAPPY! SAY SOMETHING BUDDY!**"_

_Happy was so traumatized he wasn't even doing his usual tears and whining. Instead he simply collapsed into unconsciousness, "Natsu…the fish…"_

_I picked up one of the charred fish and shot a glance at the river, "Oh hell…" I tossed the fish back into the river and the instant it sank beneath the surface, the water suddenly came alive like it was being furiously boiled. I'm sure I wasn't the only one staring in horror, "Piranha. Natsu, **boil that river**."_


	31. Ch26: Onward

**AN: _Aaand we're back! Honestly kinda bummed out that the Valentine's Special only got two comments, but hey, it's two more than I had! With that in mind, Reviewer Replies!_**

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_**LucasVAMP: **As always, glad you enjoyed and yeah I totally feel ya. It's always cool to see one's home brought up. Yep, harem won by a landslide._

**_Raidentensho:_**_ Shouldn't be surprised you caught the Clock Tower reference, but I am a little surprised you've never commented on the fact that he's admitted TWICE NOW to actually having BEEN to Fuyuki. However, I feel I should point out: Wrong generation. Whatever you're thinking as you read this chapter, if you're thinking StayNight, wrong generation. Make of that what you will but no matter what you make of it, I bet it'll still floor you when the reveal hits._

* * *

_**For those of you sticks in the mud who skipped the special here's the results of the poll on whether or not this is gonna be a harem story or not.**_

**_"No I wanna know who the final pairing is gonna be!" : 11_**

**_"Yes harem ending!" : 25_**

**_As you all can see, harem ending wins with over double the amount of votes, so multi-pairings are definitely now a thing and Jerry will be having children and stable ongoing relationships with multiple women._**

**_Honestly I'm very pleased with these results because I really didn't want to write the scene where Jack's mother dies. It's always been my intent for this to be a lighthearted and fun story, but that would've been unquestionably a horrific tragedy. I would've done it if that's what the votes had said, but the poll's closed now and closed on a very happy note._**

**_For those of you who wanted to know what the final pairing was going to be, take heart, Jerry still gets with her, and I WILL be calling it out when it hits him. I can't tell you who it is right now because it would spoil a hell of a lot of surprises that I've been working very hard to keep under wraps and trust me, you don't want me spoiling this one._**

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_**That went a lot quicker than I would've expected after a special like that, but now for the longest chapter to date...**_

**_..._**

* * *

**Chapter 26 – Onward**

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**…**

**…**

I'm not sure when it was that I woke up. A part of my brain knew that I should by all means feel like a hammered pile of shit from that beating Ajeel had given me, but there was no pain. I felt weak, like my whole body had gone limp, but it didn't hurt. It wasn't as though my body were heavy and required too much effort to move, I honestly felt like I had become a cloud. I was vaguely aware of someone gently stroking my hair (which hadn't grown back anything like in full although that didn't register with me until later) and I opened my eyes.

The light through the leaves should've blinded me, but it was soft and welcoming. My eyes immediately met a pair of the most heart stoppingly beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen gazing down at me from beneath golden blonde hair, and the smile that accompanied them would've taken my breath away if there'd been any in me to begin with.

"So you're awake," She chuckled, "Are you really in that much of a hurry to come back to me?"

My confusion must've been evident on my face because she laughed lightly, "Don't worry about it too much. Just live for now, you're almost there. Try to be a little less reckless from now on okay? If your body wasn't chock full of magic making you tougher through that fight, you would've died when your wounds opened back up after you passed out. You came close enough to come visit _me_ anyway!"

I wanted to ask what she meant because everything felt so hazy, but it was all I could do to open my mouth, let alone make sound come out of it. She just laughed, "Yeah I know, _me _talking about being reckless, but you know," she added in a kind but firm tone, "That just means you should pay that much more attention." Her eyes took a sharp glint, "You had better make it Jerry, I definitely won't forgive you if you don't."

My brow furrowed in confusion and she sighed, "Oh yeah, that stupid memory spell…" she shot a furtive glance off to the side, "I really wasn't supposed to bring you in here…" Then a broad grin that made my heart skip a beat spread across her face, "But who would I be if I didn't say screw the rules every once in a while?" She leaned down and gave me a quick kiss was every bit as familiar as Mira's and made the hole in my memory scream and strain against the magic restraining its contents while my very soul seemed to relax in contentment and comfort. I could've stayed there in her arms for the rest of eternity without ever even the slightest impulse to move.

Then she came up for air and grinned at me, and the spark of excitement in her eyes fully reversed the contentment, stirring every wayward spark of adventurousness I'd ever had. In an instant she had stoked the embers to a roaring bonfire as she declared, "That was for luck. Now get back over there and make me proud!"

She somehow managed to shove me and the whole world shifted like I'd been shot from a cannon. I twisted as I flew away and caught one final glimpse of her smile in a patch of sunflowers before…

**…**

* * *

**...**

I slammed back into wakefulness like a ton of bricks and was immediately aware that whatever pain I'd been missing out on was _definitely _waiting for me in the realm of consciousness. My ears were ringing and everything ached. Every spot where Ajeel and Wall had connected felt like I'd been slammed with a steel mace. My entire front and right side felt like I'd been caught in an explosion point blank. Can you really blame me for immediately flying wide awake and all but roaring in discomfort?

My pillow suddenly shot out from under me and I banged my head on the ground which led to a bit of swearing as I rolled onto my left and clutched my head.

Then the chills started. It felt like a wave of ice rolling down my body and I shook like I'd been thrown into the snow naked and soaked as what felt like a chill breeze tickled every nerve I had. My skin itched like mad where Ajeel's sand had scoured away the top layer of flesh and I couldn't even scratch it because my muscles were spasming and clenching too hard. I felt a couple of sets of hands latch onto me a minute into my writhing as they tried to still my thrashing. That didn't make it feel any better and their voices got steadily louder as the weird ringing in my ears was steadily drowned out.

Then, it all suddenly stopped. The oddly shaped scar around my eye flared for a moment and one final shudder ran through me. I scrunched my eyes shut and tried to slow my hammering heart through sheer willpower because I couldn't control my breathing right away. My head still itched a bit, but a moment later, I was able to open my eyes and look around.

Gajeel had one leg, Natsu had the other. Lucy and Levy were holding one of my arms and Miguel, Elric and Serena had the other. Erza had me by the shoulders. "Are you alright?" Gajeel asked warily.

I took a moment to consider that, "Ya know? I actually feel like I'm back to a hundred percent physically."

"You…_look _like you're back to a hundred percent physically," Levy declared.

I blinked, "Eh?"

"I didn't know you had healing magic," Natsu mused, "Why didn't you ever use that before? It's like that fight two days ago didn't even happen!"

I looked at him in shock, "_EHH?!"_ I tugged my hands free and felt my face as I checked the teeth that I was pretty sure Ajeel had dislodged a few of with my tongue. Everything was back in place, even, "Holy shit, is my hair back?!" I ran my hands through it, "My hair's back!"

"You mean that wasn't supposed to happen?" Erza asked.

I looked up at her, "What do you mean supposed to? I'm still not even sure what happened. Last thing I remember is passing out right after Ajeel and Wall took off. Where are we anyway?" We weren't still at Mildian, the slightly damp grass I could feel under me proved that.

"We're a few hundred miles east of Mildian," Levy declared, "We used my tank to get as far from those Alvarez guys as possible once we found Miguel and Serena."

Then Lucy frowned, "Hey what's this?" She reached out and gently wiped the corner of my mouth with her thumb. When her hand came away there was a shining silvery stain on her thumb. She examined it curiously, "Is it some sort of medicine?" She sniffed it, "It kind of smells like snow…"

Then she stuck the thumb in her mouth and looked almost like she'd been dunked in ice water as she immediately started shivering, "SO COLD!"

The rest of us just looked at her flatly. "Unknown mystery fluid found on the guy who just recovered from five broken ribs, a completely demolished face, a dislocated shoulder, his entire front being pulverized by what looks like the results of a pointblank explosion and near _baldness_ in the space of a few minutes…" Levy ticked off dryly, "And your first impulse is to _try it?_"

"Makes sense to me," Natsu mused.

"Which should be all the proof you need that it's a bad idea," Gajeel added.

"You wanna go?!" Natsu demanded.

"Not until we figure out whose scent that is!" Gajeel snapped, "Because I've got a pretty good idea of all nine of your scents and there's a tenth one here that probably has something to do with whatever that mystery potion is!"

The rest of us froze and looked at him. "And you didn't mention this sooner why?" Erza asked.

"Because we were busy holding our friend down in the midst of what looked like a seizure," Gajeel replied flatly, "And you, me and Natsu are about the only ones here strong enough to even consider holding him. Now why don't _you _whip out one of those swords you're so fond of and keep an eye out while Natsu and I try to track that scent?"

"What's it smell like?" I asked as Natsu immediately put his nose to the ground like a bloodhound and started sniffing around us.

"Lucy… Wendy… Laxus… Gray's sister… dust… old fabric…" Natsu ticked off as he started crawling along what I guess was a scent trail.

"So a blonde girl in her late teens in good health with wind magic who's been hanging out in a museum or an old library?" Gajeel asked.

"Lightning and ice too," Natsu declared.

I scratched my head through my hair, "Hey Serena, wasn't that girl we saw in Mildian blonde?"

Serena looked at me in surprise, "Do you think it could be her? How could she possibly have followed us?"

I nodded, "The magic that defended Mildian was almost entirely storm and ice based. Wind, Lightning and Ice, if she can fly with that Wind magic like Erigor, and on the scale of power that storm displayed I think she probably could, then she could almost certainly keep up with us."

"That would also explain why the trail ends right here," Natsu added as he sat back in a crouch, "So she can fly and she's got healing magic like Wendy? That's cool." Then he and Gajeel went stiff, swapped a glance and immediately leapt to their feet, "WEEEEEEENDDDDDDDDY!"

They started running around like headless chickens, running all over the place screaming for Wendy at the top of their lungs. We all watched them in stunned silence for a few minutes and then Erza sighed irritably. She got to her feet, stalked off and managed to intercept them just as their paths were about to cross. She calmly reached out, snagged them both by the collar… and slammed their heads together hard enough to lay them both out backwards when she let go.

Our guests stared in shock and Elric quietly asked, "Is this normal for you people?"

"This is _tame _for Fairy Tail," Levy replied, earning severe 'WTF?' looks from Serena, Elric and Miguel as Lucy and I nodded in agreement.

"WHAT THE HELL WOMAN?!" Gajeel demanded as he sat up rubbing his forehead.

"If it were your little sister, then she would've stuck around," Erza declared sharply, "And if she didn't, then you need to assume that she had a good reason not to. Besides, from what you two have told me, Wendy doesn't _use _Ice magic right?"

"Yeah, Wendy's a Sky Dragon Slayer, not a Storm Dragon," Natsu mused before adding, "But her uncle Notus was a Storm Dragon!"

"And her uncle _Boreas_ was a Snow Dragon," Gajeel added.

Erza crossed her arms, "And is it possible to be all three?"

Natsu and Gajeel swapped a glance. "Is it?" Natsu asked.

"Never heard of a dragon with multiple elements," Gajeel admitted, "Can you imagine how overpowered that would be? Could a body even withstand that kind of power?"

"Pretty nuts," Natsu agreed, "It's part of what makes Jerry's magic so scary. If I didn't know he has an upper limit on how much power he can handle before he has to discharge, he'd be scarier than Erza. That and he's not immune to what he can eat the way a Dragon Slayer is. He'd be unstoppable if he was."

Erza cleared her throat, "Getting back on topic, you said the girl you were tracking was _blonde _right? Didn't you say that Wendy's hair is _blue _like Levy's?"

Gajeel and Natsu swapped a glance and then looked away. "A bit darker but yeah," Gajeel admitted, "We're just worried about her you know? Sting and Lyos too."

Serena looked over at us, "What are they talking about?"

"Natsu and Gajeel had magic induced memory blocks in their heads, they'd forgotten their little sister and brothers as well as each other," I explained, "I was able to find and remove them a couple of days before we set out on this quest. Gajeel took off to find their three younger siblings immediately, and we had to go retrieve Natsu from his most recent boneheaded stunt, after which one thing led to another which led to this quest."

"That must be awful," Serena mused, "I can't imagine forgetting my little sister."

"You have a little sister?" I asked curiously.

She nodded, "Eight years younger than me. She's the sweetest most adorable child I've ever met."

Then we heard Happy scream like he was being murdered and took off running.

**…**

* * *

**…**

We found Happy near a river and almost didn't recognize him. He more closely resembled a flailing silver mass of scales than his usual irritating self. It wasn't until Natsu all but _nuked_ Happy's assailants off him and left him quivering in a fine coat of charcoal that we realized what had been on him while Natsu lifted him into his arms and called frantically, "HAPPY! HAPPY! SAY SOMETHING BUDDY!"

Happy was so traumatized he wasn't even doing his usual tears and whining. Instead he simply collapsed into unconsciousness, "Natsu…the fish…"

I picked up one of the charred fish and shot a glance at the river, "Oh hell…" I tossed the fish back into the river and the instant it sank beneath the surface, the water suddenly came alive like it was being furiously boiled. I'm sure I wasn't the only one staring in horror, "Piranha. Natsu, _boil that river._"

Natsu shot the river the most murderous glare I'd ever seen on him, "_With pleasure._" He inhaled and then, "**FIRE DRAGON…ROOOOOOOOOOOAR!**" I had throw an Archive screen between him and the rest of us to keep us from getting burned simply from being close to him. Normally Natsu's roar only has a white hot core for the first foot or so. This time, that core of merciless heat was probably six feet long, and Natsu kept it up for a good five minutes.

As steam billowed around us when Natsu finally let up, I dropped the screen and winced as the heat hit us like a hot towel. "Today's Tuesday right?" I asked although I was already sure it was as I popped Virgo's key out of my extradimensional pocket, "Open! Gate of the Maiden!"

That familiar golden light and bell chime shone through the night and a moment later Virgo was in front of me, looking shocked as she stared at me. "Jerry?" she asked, "How are you…" She reached out to touch my face, "You're healed…you were on death's doorstep less than an hour ago…"

I nodded, "Somebody knows healing magic, unfortunately they're gone now. Can you check on Happy for us? He just got attacked by a school of piranha."

Virgo's head snapped around and her gaze zeroed in on Happy, "Oh my stars! Quick let me see him!"

A brief flash of reluctance to let Happy out of his arms flashed across Natsu's face but then he gently handed Happy to Virgo. Virgo knelt and rested Happy on her knees, quickly and efficiently checking every inch of him, confusion growing on her face. "That's incredible," she declared after a moment, "A school of piranha can strip an animal twice Happy's size down to nothing but a skeleton in minutes, but the only sign of Happy having been attacked is that he's missing a lot of fur!"

"So he's alright?!" Natsu demanded.

Virgo pried one of Happy's eyes open and looked at it, "He's out cold, and probably very traumatized by his favorite food trying to eat _him,_ but yes, he appears to be completely unharmed aside from his fur being mostly torn off. He's probably going to be sensitive to the touch for a few days, but it looks like none of the bites actually managed to penetrate his skin. Basically, all they managed to do was pull all his fur out and pinch him really hard on basically every inch of skin he has. He's very lucky, I've seen things far bigger than he is killed by piranha in minutes."

"Happy's tougher than that," Natsu declared.

Virgo nodded, "Yes, he's certainly durable to be walking away from this unscathed." Then she looked around, "I take it nobody else stepped in?"

We did a quick head count just to make sure. Virgo nodded, "That's good. Please try to be careful, if nothing's changed since the last time I was here, the lands you're venturing into only get more dangerous from here."

"You've been this way before?" I asked in surprise.

Virgo nodded, "It was several hundred years ago, but one of my previous masters once came this way to retrieve Leo's key. Mattachu is the city of the Sun God Apollo, so Leo decided it was a great place to let his key land. A word of advice, don't summon any Celestial Spirits in Mattachu unless you're _looking _for a fight. They're probably still a bit angry at us after what happened last time."

All of us looked at her in surprise. Serena asked warily, "What, happened last time?"

Virgo chuckled, "Oh, you'll see what _I _did when you get there. Trust me, you can't miss it once you reach the city proper. I think they've managed to rebuild everything the others except for Aquarius did. It's really quite impressive what they did with Scorpio's sand. We didn't even realize it had that high a gold content."

Miguel spoke up after looking like he was racking his brains for a minute, "Wait, what do you mean _they? _The city was abandoned and in ruins!"

Virgo's only answer was a laugh, then she disappeared in a shower of gold dust.

I looked over at Miguel, "I think she means you missed something." It occurred to me that my personality might be rubbing off on Virgo, but then again maybe she was just enjoying herself?

**…**

* * *

**…**

That morning we took off again, only this time we went using my Card Car since Levy had actually admitted that maintaining her tank was severely taxing even with Blackout Mode. It was also pointed out that my Card Car was able to fly over unfavorable terrain instead of having to go around on top of being just plain faster. This led to the revelation that they'd actually gotten stuck in quicksand the day before and only managed to get out because Natsu had burned the slop dry and Gajeel had used his Iron Dragon Logs to push them out. I actually kinda hated that I'd missed that.

My Card Car had no such issues and we were able to simply glide along a few feet above the ground with my telepathy bulldozing any obstructions. Still though, "Sorry you all had to pick up my slack while I was out." I had to wonder, _How many delays were they not telling me about?_

"What are you talking about?" Lucy asked, "You took on _both _those guys from Alvarez, deflected the _Etherion, _TWICE, and from what Erza's told us you literally forced your body back together with magic after taking that awful beating to keep fighting. Don't forget, your wounds all opened back up after you passed out, we know _exactly _how bad you got pummeled."

"Not to mention coming up with the winning strategy against Wall and injuring Ajeel badly enough before we arrived to force their retreat," Erza mused, "His Rust magic is an absolute counter to virtually every weapon in my arsenal and all of Gajeel's magic, and it's doubtful that Natsu could've countered his Cold magic. Even with the Mildian Defense System assisting us, Wall would quite likely have killed us all if he hadn't had to retreat to save his partner's life."

"Wait a minute," Levy interrupted, "Did you just say _Wall and Ajeel? As in Wall Icht the Machias and Ajeel Raml of Habarga? THAT'S WHO YOU WERE FIGHTING?!_"

Erza and I nodded, "That's them."

Levy went ghostly pale as her soul did that little 'frightened circling' thing Juvia's had done on Galuna, "That explains so much…"

"It does?" Natsu asked curiously.

"_Do you seriously mean that I am the only one who knows who those two are?!"_ Levy demanded as her color flashed back into her, "_They're two of Alakitasia's __**WIZARD SAINTS!**__"_

"You mean like Gramps?!" Natsu exclaimed.

"Like him but _stronger!_" Levy snapped, "Alakitasia's way bigger than Ishgar and their Wizard Saints are all supposed to be at least as strong as God Serena of the Ishgar Four!"

"Who's that?" Gajeel asked.

"How can you not know the strongest wizard on the continent?!" Serena demanded, "Even I know who that guy is!"

"_GILDARTS?!"_ Natsu exclaimed in horror.

"No, not Gildarts," Erza replied, "Although Gildarts is probably on an equal footing with him."

"_You know a guy who's as strong as God Serena?!"_ Serena demanded.

Erza nodded, "Gildarts isn't a Wizard Saint because he's too nomadic and well known for causing massive destruction by accident. That and his womanizing kind of put him out of the running, but if not for those he'd certainly be acknowledged as a Wizard Saint, and possibly the strongest of them all. I'm not sure if his power exceeds Master Makarov's, but even the Master admits that Gildarts is on _at least_ equal footing with him."

"Master Jose would never have even considered pickin' a fight with Fairy Tail if he thought he'd have to go up against Gildarts," Gajeel added as he chewed on a piece of iron that he'd pulled from I had no idea where, "The only reason he considered it at all was because Gildarts had been MIA for three years. Even if we won, Gildarts going on a rampage would make it a pyrrhic victory at best. _Nobody's_ dumb enough to try fighting that guy head on."

Levy and Erza both immediately shot glances at Natsu who looked like he was having trouble processing what Gajeel had just said. Then he exclaimed, "But I pick fights with Gildarts all the time!"

The rest of us looked at him in surprise, and then Gajeel, Lucy and I face palmed and muttered in unison, "Why does that not surprise me?"

"STOP THE CARD!" Miguel suddenly shouted. The card stopped. Everyone _on it_ was a different matter. If I hadn't had an Archive screen across the front, we would've been eating dirt.

As is, "Whose face is buried in my ass?" I asked flatly from where I was stuck halfway through my Archive screen, not really wanting to look but morbidly curious.

"Wasn't my idea," Lucy replied as she pulled her face back blushing furiously.

I nodded, _Could've been worse,_ and pulled myself back through the screen, "Now Miguel, what's got you so worked up? Miguel?"

"Under here," Miguel declared from the bottom of our pile of friends.

I sighed and started pulling people out of the pile, "Okay, _everybody _off the client! Off the client!" I levitated them with my telekinesis, leaving them hanging in whatever funny position I caught them in midair and was surprised when I found Happy actually looking at me blearily. He'd been unconscious since his run in with the piranha, "Hey Happy, you awake little guy?"

"I had the most horrible dream that the fishies were eating me," he declared.

"Wasn't a dream, that's why you have no fur. Use it as an excuse to cuddle up to Natsu until your fluff grows back," I replied bluntly. He'd have figured it out sooner or later.

Happy's eyes went wide and he immediately looked down at himself, "AAAH! DON'T LOOK!" With rather remarkable speed for someone who'd just recovered from a minor coma, he twisted free of my hands and shot under the back of Natsu's vest.

I sighed, "At least he's alright."

"What do you mean alright?!" Happy demanded, "I nearly got eaten by _fish! _Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?! I'm a CAT! I'm supposed to eat fish, not the other way around! And to add insult to injury, now I'm naked until my fur grows back!"

"You _survived_ an attack from a swarm of some of the most vicious predators nature's ever created," Serena replied dryly as she poked the Happy shaped lump under Natsu's vest, "And walked away from it with nothing but a scare and a haircut. In numbers like what was in that river, those little monsters can strip a human body down to nothing but bones in minutes. Most things _do not survive _encounters with those little monsters."

"As bad as they are though," Miguel interrupted, "They're _nothing _compared to what's over that next ridge."

**…**

* * *

**…**

It stretched on for miles, the abnormally verdant field of what looked an awful lot like daffodils. Regularly scattered across it were towering structures of red and black, the only sound that of faintly buzzing insect wings. The eerie stillness set my instinct blaring warnings. We'd been cruising through young trees for a while, but this was different.

Natsu sniffed, "What's that smell? It smells like matches."

"You see those towers? They're made of solid phosphorous and ash," Miguel explained quietly, "Those are Phosphor-mite hives."

"Phosphor-mites?"

"They're like termites except completely fire proof and they spit white phosphorous," Miguel explained, "Basically a cross between termites and fire dragons. If disturbed, they'll swarm and set the entire area on fire. The animals know not to intrude here because of the smell, so the Phosphor-mites are the only link in the food chain on this prairie aside from the grass and flowers, and it's allowed them to build those massive hives which go off like bombs if disturbed. When one goes, _they all go._"

"This marsh being the only place they live due to their dependence on those fire proof yellow flowers down there is probably the _only _reason they haven't quite literally burned half the world down," Miguel scowled, "I lost half my expedition party here because we didn't realize what those were until we'd drawn the ire of one of the hives. It was like the whole world was on fire. Just, _fire. _Fire, EVERYWHERE."

He paused for a second, his eyes a million miles away. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I can't express enough the sheer _danger_ this area represents. We should definitely go far, _far _aroun…where's Natsu?"

…

…

…

In retrospect, we should've seen it coming.

…

…

…

"**I'M GONNA EAT YOOOOOOU!**"

This incredibly moronic shout was our cue to _RUN_. I opened a portal to a mile back in the direction we'd come and we raced through, realizing as I slammed the portal shut that _it wasn't far enough because it felt like the flames were still only six inches behind us_.

Three portals later and over a dozen miles later, we were clear of the heat, all panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Elric spoke first in an uncharacteristically rough voice, "I'll kill him. I'll _fuckin' kill him_."

"_GET IN LINE,_" the rest of us snarled. Normally I'd have been shocked at hearing the generally mild mannered and dapper old man swear, but the situation _more_ than merited it.

Lucy toppled over backwards to sit down and groaned, "I need a new partner… Natsu's gonna get me killed before I've been in Fairy Tail a full year at this rate…"

"How has he gotten _dumber_ since we were kids?" Gajeel panted.

"Aye…" Happy agreed from where he'd caught onto Miguel.

"Now I remember why Natsu always works alone except for Happy," Levy declared, "Nobody but Happy can survive his screwups!"

"His heart's in the right place," Erza protested half-heartedly.

"His _brain _isn't," Serena snapped.

"Apparently _that _resides in his stomach," Miguel mused from where he had flopped down onto his front.

"Acid. That explains _entirely_ too much about his behavior," I grumbled as I wiped the sweat off my brow, "We're over a dozen miles from that damn firestorm and it's _still _twenty degrees hotter than it was when we came through here half an hour ago."

"Can you do anything to put that fire out?" Erza asked.

I shook my head, "Ocean's out of range and that's about how much water I'd need to put that out. Anything else I could do would almost certainly kill Natsu in the process. Only thing we can do now is wait for it to die down or Natsu to finish eating all of it." I closed my eyes and reached out with my telepathy before shaking my head, "And he's running around too much for me to have any chance of not hitting him."

I sighed, "We can't leave without him, we portal jumped here, he won't be able to track us." I ignored Elric growling that that might be a good thing as he took a long drink from a hip flask that he'd pulled from I had no idea where, and turned my attention to more productive thoughts, "Hey Levy, you think you can help me set up a heat reducing perimeter spell? Just because we have to wait for that moron doesn't mean we have to roast while we do it."

Levy thought for a moment and then pulled a book out of her extradimensional pocket, "Yeah, gimme a second. Wanna make sure we draw these symbols right or we might end up making it worse."

**…**

* * *

**…**

Who makes a badass house of cards? _I_ make a badass house of cards! Using magic cards helps of course, but still! Between that and Levy figuring out how to use the excess heat from outside to maintain the Solid Script furniture she made, it was almost like spending the night in a hotel. There was one fly in the ointment though. Everyone had headed up to bed on the second and third floors after dinner. Everyone except for Erza who was on the Solid Script: Couch waiting for Serena to get out of the shower that my portals and Levy's enchantments had managed to produce.

"What the hell?" I asked of nobody in particular as I looked around at my cards, my fifty-_one _cards, "Where's number fifty-two?" I didn't use my original fifty two for anything but weapons and transport, and now building a house of cards. I was too worried about messing up the enchantment on them, so I knew I hadn't given one away. What was possibly even more concerning though was that I couldn't sense it. I could sense every one of my cards, where they were, what size they were and how sturdy I'd made them, and I was growing increasingly sure that one was missing.

My head swiveled as I heard a muffled 'dammit!' from behind me and I found Erza trying way too hard to look innocent. It was kind of hilarious in its own way, seeing her fail so hard at looking innocent. It was like watching Monkey D. Luffy try to lie.

A twitchy thing that couldn't quite be called a grin squiggled its way across my face, "Erza, do you know what happened to number 52?"

Erza blushed as red as her hair, "Um…"

"Is it in your Requip Space?"

Erza's blush deepened, "M-maybe…"

I sighed, "Erza, why is my card in your Requip Space?"

"Well, um…" Erza twiddled her fingers and oh my god it was adorable to see the guild's disciplinarian looking like a little kid with her hand caught in the cookie jar. "Y-you have to promise not to be mad at me!" she demanded a moment later.

My expression fell into _distinct _unamusement, "Erza, did you disenchant my card?"

Erza's eyes went wide, "HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"

My breath caught. That had been a complete shot in the dark. "WHY?!"

"Do you have any idea how cool those are?!" Erza exclaimed, "You can control them telekinetically and change their size and strength and channel your magic through them and do you _know _how hard it is to find weapons with enchantments that complex and it's better than anything in my arsenal for such a tiny power cost and I'm really sorry but I wanted to know how it works and I just wanted a peek so I took it while you were unconscious and I started looking at it and I pulled the enchantment out to look at it and it came off by accident but I learned how to do it and I was going to try it on one of my swords to make sure it worked before I put it back so that you wouldn't realize I had taken it and I'm really really sorry and you can hit me if you want to and I promise I'll put it back and I'm so so sorry I didn't ask first and…"

I leaned over her and looked her in the eye, "_Erza._" Erza's nervous geek-out babbling stopped mid-stream and I was surprised that she actually looked _scared_. I let the silence hang for a second and then, "There's a lot of interesting stuff in what you just said, and a lot of interesting things in your body language just now that honestly kind of worry me a little, but I'm going to preface these questions by telling you that while I am a _little _annoyed, I'm not angry."

All the tension went out of Erza, "You're not?"

"As for hitting you," I continued, "Not unless you're just _into that, _and even then, I'd much rather have a nice apology kiss. Unless you want to do both," I added, "in which case I can make another room and we can do all kinds of kinky stuff and Mira's going to be utterly _delight.._.ed…" I trailed off as I remembered my hiatus with Mira, "Shit." My gaze slid off to the side, "Well that's a mood killer."

I sighed and sat down on the couch next to Erza, "Moving o…eh?" I once again found myself being pushed back onto my back and Erza straddling me. This time she went straight for Bunny Girl. Part of me wondered if maybe I shouldn't have told her how much I liked that. The rest of me screamed at that part to _shut the hell up and enjoy_.

"Well, I guess I owe you two apology kisses now don't I?" Erza murmured as she laid herself down on top of me and her hair blocked out the rest of the world behind scarlet curtains. Her lips met mine and I discovered that Erza had a gentle side, which was honestly the most shocking part of this aside from just how incredibly _good she was at it_. The fierce kiss on the train was obvious, anyone could guess that Erza would have a hot fierce kiss that would melt a man's brain. This slow gentle kiss? No, I don't think _anybody _who knew her would expect it.

We came up for air a moment or two later and Erza actually looked about as surprised as I felt. "We should stop," Erza declared after a moment, "We should stop right now…" _Or we won't be able to, _was the unspoken truth and we both knew it.

…

…

"Nah, by all means, keep going!" Serena instructed playfully from where she was leaning over the back of the couch grinning at us wrapped in nothing but a towel. We both blushed crimson as our gaze snapped to her, Erza immediately sitting up and inadvertently grinding our crotches together. "Or at least," Serena continued with her teasing grin only growing, "As long as I get to join in. I don't mind having _two _teddy bears to cuddle tonight."

I knew Serena was bold, but _damn!_ That was Mirajane-level right there. Erza was so stunned that she couldn't come up with a response. Serena looked down at me with her teasing grin turning to a teasing _pout,_ "Jerryyy, am I not enough for you? You're going to hurt my feelings."

"I was about to ask you the same question!" I retorted with a grin growing, "But the _real _question, is can both of us at the same time satisfy Erza?"

"Or can Erza satisfy both of _us?" _Serena corrected, "Or can _you _satisfy both of _us?_ Can _I _possibly stack up to two amazing wizards?" Then she swung herself over the back of the couch and straddled my face, "Let's find out!"

I wasn't sure what she did, but Erza leaned (or more likely was _yanked)_ forward and then scrabbled back, "M-MISS SERENA?!"

Erza didn't scrabble far enough back because a giggling Serena was able to pull her back so that she was almost in my lap again, "Come ooon…there's enough of both of us to go around!"

I think Erza _backflipped _off the end of the couch, "N-no, that's quite alrigh…_how long have you all been watching?!"_

Eh?!

Serena just started cackling as she sat back, and I'm still not sure if the results of that movement on my face were intentional or not, but right that particular instant I was a little more curious about who Erza was talking to.

"LEVY GIVE ME THAT CAMERA!"

"NEVAHHH!" Levy crowed as she took off up the stairs.

"TAKE COVER SHRIMP I'LL HOLD HER!" _CLANG! WHAM! _"_What just happened?!"_

"You just got clocked across the room by a redhead with a club as big as you are," Elric declared from somewhere off to the left, "More tea Lucy? Miguel?"

"Sure!" Lucy replied, "How's your snack Happy?"

"Not nearly as good as the show, which is saying something because this is _delicious,_" Happy declared.

I'm honestly not sure what had me blushing more. The fact that apparently the entire team aside from Natsu had seen who knew how much of that very private moment with Erza, or the fact that they were all just sitting there while Serena was still just calmly sitting on my face wearing nothing but a towel which was _not _between her and my face. Then the sheer hilarity of it all hit me and I started grinning.

I stuck my tongue out and Serena was so surprised that she jumped off my face and landed in my lap. I sat up and pulled her into a hug as the others looked at us in surprise. I just laid my head on Serena's shoulder and laughed as she got comfortable.

I don't say it enough. _I love my life._

**…**

* * *

**…**

After things had settled down a little and Erza got the camera away from Levy, apparently having completely forgotten that Levy knows Archive and can project images with crystal clarity as much as any camera, we all found ourselves sitting around in the 'living room' and an odd silence had fallen over us.

Serena had put some clothes on, which was good because I would've had a very tough time focusing on anything else if she hadn't, but now as the silence dragged out, I kinda wished I had something to focus on. Then an idea occurred to me, "I've got an idea. Something special that Lucy tells me none of you have ever gotten to see before."

Everyone turned to look at me and I grinned, "You know how lacrima-visions can record or broadcast things to be used for security systems, messages and things right?"

Levy perked up immediately, "Oh yeah! You're talking about movies right? Did you find a recording of one?"

"Movies?" Serena asked.

I nodded, "Where I'm from we use an equivalent of lacrima-visions to record plays, except we're not limited by the confines of a stage since we can carry the lacrima anywhere. So the play and actors can do a lot more because the only limits it has are where they can get and what they can pull off at least once. We can also make pictures that move and record _that_ with voice over so we're not even limited by what the actors look like, just what they can sound like. It's a pretty huge industry back home because it blows traditional plays out of the water. No, I didn't find a recording, but thanks to Archive I basically _am _a recording. So, anybody wanna watch a movie?"

"How long is it?" Gajeel asked.

"Varies from movie to movie, but generally an hour and a half to two."

"I'm in!" Levy declared, "I wanna see this!"

"Well one interested party's enough for me," I replied, extending one hand towards the wall and conjuring an Archive Screen with a snap. A flick of my hand and something like a selection screen popped up with over a dozen titles.

Almost as soon as they showed up, Levy absolutely _squealed _with delight, "_YOU HAVE A MOVIE OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?! THAT ONE! THAT ONE!"_

I blinked in surprise and then smiled, "I guess some stories are universal. Alright, any objections?"

Gajeel grunted, "Eh, I like that story alright."

I looked at them, Levy leaned up against Gajeel, and a mischievous smirk shot across my face, "Alright, hang on just a second." I closed my eyes and immediately began rearranging the necessary colors, lines and vocal patterns before popping my eyes back open with a grin, "Okay! Here we go!"

I dimmed the lights I had conjured throughout the house of cards and began projecting my modified version of the Disney classic.

It was almost odd hearing my own voice narrating the opening, but I knew what was coming was going to be _so _worth it. Then, right after the title screen dropped and faded off screen, as 'Belle' was revealed, I snapped the lights on for just an instant to catch Levy's expression.

Levy gawked at the screen, "H-b-b-wh-_how?_"

I chuckled, "Turns out it's not that hard to edit something within the confines of my own mind. That's not the original, but I figured since you were so excited about it…I can change it back if you'd…"

"NO! NO! This is amazing!" Levy exclaimed with her eyes riveted to her own image pasted onto the screen in the role of Belle.

I chuckled, "Alrighty then, on with the show!"

Everyone nearly flipped when they heard Natsu's voice coming out of Lumiere and Gray as Cogsworth, and I thought Gajeel was going to absolutely lose his mind when he saw himself edited in as The Beast. That merited another picture.

After the show ended, Erza looked over at me out the corner of her eye, "Was that me as the enchantress in the opening? And Mira as Mrs. Potts?"

I shrugged with a small smile, "Any objections?"

Erza blushed slightly, "No. I'm fine with that. Ah, in future versions, you might consider having Laxus as Gaston, that would be another perfect casting."

"Ah! And Freed could be LeFou!" Levy exclaimed, "He would totally sing like that if Laxus was feeling down!"

I made a mental note of the recommendations, along with another note to find out who Freed was.

"And Maurice looked kinda like Master," Lucy mused.

"YES," Levy declared, "If I'm playing Belle then Master should _definitely_ be Maurice."

I nodded, "Anyone object to me showing this in public? I think it could make quite a fair bit of money and I'd be happy to distribute any proceeds to all featured. Proportional to their roles of course," I added.

"Did you make all this yourself?" Erza asked thoughtfully.

I shook my head, "No, but the company that _did _doesn't exist in this dimension or you'd have all known this movie the instant you saw the title."

"I suppose that is a good point," Erza mused, "It can't really be counted as stealing if it's someone who doesn't exist in this world."

I nodded, "Exactly. As far as I can tell, this dimension never had the opportunity to produce these songs and script, so it's free for the taking."

It was then that Miguel spoke up, "If you do decide to go public with this after we get back Jerry, please let me know. I'm certain I can book a theater."

I grinned, "You got it Miguel!" _Just you wait Mira, this bad boy's gonna make good on his big talk yet!_

**…**

* * *

**…**

Two days later, Natsu still wasn't back. Erza had woken up that morning very impatient to move on, and by mid morning she switched into a suit of red and orange armor that had nominal wings coming out of its back and was clearly modeled after a fire dragon. Her hair was instantly done up in pig tails and there was a very nice few inches of her thighs on display through the gaps in the armor that also nicely left her shoulders and a fair deal of her back open.

"Jerry, you come with me. Lucy, Levy, Gajeel, stay here and protect the clients," Erza instructed brusquely before heading out the door.

As we walked back towards where Natsu had ignited the Phosphor-mite fields, I had to ask, "Hey Erza, why's that armor leave your back and shoulders open like that? I mean, it looks really good on you, but isn't that kind of a glaring vulnerable point?"

Erza blinked and reached up to feel her shoulder as she glanced over it, "I suppose it is, but I try very hard to never turn my back on an opponent, and for an opponent who is significantly faster, I have my Flight Armor which increases my speed drastically. Besides, I reinforce my body with magic so that my skin is about as hard as steel. Only an opponent imbuing their weapon with magical power strong enough to surpass that can hurt me, and even then, it takes quite a blow to give me more than a scratch. Even most swords can't do much more than give me a bit of a knock. If I encounter a foe like that, then I have other armors I'd switch into much quicker than this Flame Empress armor which provide much more thorough protection. This is specialized for dealing with fire users, more specifically," her face fell into irritation, "_Natsu._"

Then she shook her head, "You're probably also wondering why I wanted to walk rather than fly or use your portals."

"I honestly figured it was so that you could have a level head when you found him or work yourself into a fury on the way," I admitted, "Whichever floats your boat more."

Erza looked at me in surprise, "Yes actually, that was my intent." Her eyes narrowed slightly, "You're not reading my mind are you?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Erza, it doesn't take a mind reader to guess what a friend is thinking. Even before I had magic, I could get inside people's heads and figure out what they were going to say or do. It's just part of who I am. Besides, it's exactly what I'd do in this situation." I looked ahead towards where we were heading, "Thank god we're not a military outfit. He'd be guilty of probably half a dozen charges over that stunt if we were. It would _definitely _be the last straw on getting him kicked out. Of course," I added, "He'd also probably have been stuck doing nothing but peeling potatoes in the brig or something for six months if he wasn't drummed out or chucked in jail after Galuna."

Erza looked at me in mild horror and then she was quiet for a moment, "Yes, I suppose you're right. I don't _want _this to be something that gets him kicked out of Fairy Tail, he's like a little brother to me, but…that stunt with the Galuna Island job almost _did _get him kicked out. If he hadn't been with the guild so long, it definitely would have, and now I'm supposed to be supervising his punishment but so far it's been completely smooth sailing and hasn't been like a normal S-Class job at all, let alone what I would've expected a _decade quest _to be like! Then he goes off and pulls a stunt like this and nearly gets our clients killed and all of us badly hurt just by being a reckless idiot. I…" she took a deep breath, "I can't ask Levy about this, or Gajeel, they're both biased in his favor because they both see him as a brother like I do. Serena, Elric and Miguel don't know how the Guild works, so I can't ask them. Lucy is still absolutely _furious_ with him for conning her into being his accomplice on the Galuna Island job and would probably advocate for the harshest punishment I could dish out. I know Natsu absolutely _adores _her, I haven't seen him act like this around a girl since Lisanna died, but I don't think Lucy sees him in even remotely the same light and I think he's setting himself up for failure. _Especially _after Galuna, so you're the only person I can talk to about this. I'm, going to bank on your reaction to the Galuna stunt and hope that you can be objective about this."

I sighed, "Don't let me forget to ask who the heck Lisanna is because this is the first I've heard about her," Erza looked at me in surprise as I pulled the brim of my hat down with a thoughtful frown, "But as for Natsu…" I took a deep breath, "Honestly, I wanna kick his ass. I…he's my friend, the second one I made in Earthland. He's a member of my team even if he hasn't been acting like it recently."

I sighed, "He's also a reckless dumbass whose actions nearly got Gray killed, nearly got Serena, Lucy, Miguel, Elric and possibly even Levy, you, me and Gajeel killed. I think Happy might've been alright given that from what I've heard he's nearly indestructible, but it still has to be considered that he's recovering from a piranha attack and I don't know how much his fur contributes to his apparent resilience, so it might've hurt Happy too."

I thought for a moment, "His actions also _directly_ led to us being able to save Ms. Ur, averted a guild war with Phantom Lord, got Juvia and Gajeel to join Fairy Tail, and led to Master Precht coming to visit the guild for the first time in who knows how long, along with all the benefits resultant of that." I sighed again, "It's also true that if he hadn't done what he did, we wouldn't _be _on this quest right now standing to gain an utterly _obscene _amount of money depending on what we bring home with us from Mattachu. If we're talking strictly about results, then Natsu's complete and utter boneheaded actions are netting us nothing but gains. I don't know if he's some kind of good luck magnet or what, but thus far none of his actions that have led us to this point have actually gotten anyone hurt or set us back in anyway. He's come horrifyingly close, but if we go by no harm no foul, then he's actually _completely_ in the clear."

I scratched my head, "That said, clearly the Master was _not _thinking 'no harm no foul' when he assigned this punishment. If we look at it the same way as him putting Gray directly at risk of drowning, then this would be the stunt that got him kicked out of Fairy Tail, because without my portals we would've all fried." Then something popped into my head and dread filled my gut, "Although, there is one thing to consider that I just remembered."

"What's that?" Erza asked in an emotionally worn out voice.

"This one may have blown up in his face pretty hard on its own," I declared as I started jogging, "And I don't mean combustively!"

"What are you talking about?!" Erza demanded as my jog turned into a dead run, "Is he in danger?!"

"I just remembered! _White Phosporous is deadly poison!"_

**…**

* * *

**…**

"Oh god Natsu…" I groaned as I looked him over, "What the hell did you do to yourself?!"

Natsu was _not _in good condition. He had apparently managed to get out of the Phosphor-mite field, but he'd found out about the phosphorus the hard way. He was passed out, he had what looked an awful lot like blood and stool stains all over his pants, his skin was covered in sick yellow chemical burns, he had quite a bit of blood on his chest and chin, and his lips were still a bit blue from what I suspected was oxygen deprivation.

I immediately dropped to one knee and started searching for a pulse, _Shit, shit, shit…come on Natsu, don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead…_ I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt his pulse going slow but steady. "He's alive, we need to get him back to the others. Maybe Levy knows something that can help with this."

"Let's go," Erza declared with her voice sharpened by worry.

**…**

* * *

**…**

It was almost four hours before we got Natsu pulled back from death's doorstep, and it took every shred of Levy, Elric and Virgo's medical knowledge and some of my improvised telekinetic 'healing' to do it. (Turns out Elric's a very well-trained medic. Who knew?) Even once he was stable, things didn't look good for him.

"He's got chemical burns on every bit of him that was exposed, including his eyes. His kidneys and liver almost shut completely down. If his mouth and what I can see of his throat are anything to go by, he's probably got those same burns all the way through his digestive tract and it probably looks like a cattle stampede went through it," Elric listed as he sat down and reached for the water, "On top of that, his airways are for lack of a better term scorched, his sinuses are full of blood, and it looks like he almost suffocated. I don't know who dragged him out of there, but beyond any shadow of a doubt he owes them his life."

The rest of us looked up in surprise. "Someone dragged him out?" Erza asked.

Elric nodded, "He's got faint bruises under his armpits where their fingers dug in dragging him. Like I said, whoever his guardian angel is, he owes them a _big _thank you. I don't know the range of your teleportation Jerry, but if you _can _send him back to Fiore for medical attention, he's not out of the woods yet. I'm pretty good, and Virgo's as good as anybody I've ever met, but Natsu belongs in a doctor's intensive and constant care right now. I'm amazed he's still alive at all. Any normal person, even most _wizards _would've been-"

He was interrupted by a howl of wind and cold erupting out of the room where Natsu was. It was like some sort of _reverse _Natsu had woken up. Elric's head snapped up and around, "What the hell just happened to my patient?" He leapt to his feet and ran for the room where Natsu was still laid out on the table.

Or at least, he was _supposed _to still be laid out on the table. Instead he was sitting up with his burns drastically reduced, his eyes healed and apparently well enough to look severely freaked out. He still looked like he'd been dunked in acid, but he looked worlds better than he had. It's worth noting that he also had a _very _impressive pair of handprints emblazoned on either side of his face.

He looked at us and then, "Does anyone else feel like they just got slapped a bunch and called a dumbass like fifty times in a row?"

Erza punched him across the room and proceeded to jump on him screaming, crying and smacking the hell out of him while calling him a dumbass a _hundred _more times in a row and demanding that he never ever do something so reckless and stupid again.

I didn't stick around for it, seeing Erza like that was _not _easy, and I had something I needed to say. I stepped outside and threw my telepathy as far as I could to try and find her. Healing me had been one thing, I hadn't been in nearly as bad a shape as Natsu. This could not go without thanks. It took me a second, but I found her. She was a few miles away on top of a ridge. I guess she had underestimated my range.

I opened a portal and flicked a Calling Card through at her before picking up its counterpart as I felt her pick up the card, "I don't know who you are, why you're helping us, or why you're hiding, but thank you. Thank you so much. If you ever get tired of hiding and want to join us, or even if you just want to talk, you will be more than welcome. You've saved my friend's life and mine as well. If you ever need help, please don't hesitate to ask."

There was no reply, but given the lengths she'd been going to in order to avoid being seen, I wasn't expecting any.

**...**

* * *

**...**

**Next Time _on Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_"Hey Jerry? You still awake?"_

_I almost didn't recognize Natsu's voice. He was actually being quiet and he sounded…sad? I sat up and gently pulsed my sleeping magic to make sure everyone else was asleep, "Yeah, what's up?"_

_ Natsu was quiet for a moment and then, "Is everyone else asleep?"_

_I nodded, "Yeah, I just zonked 'em all. What's up?" He wouldn't have checked to see if everyone else was asleep if he just needed to pee._

_ "I really fucked up didn't I?" Natsu asked quietly._


	32. Ch27: Base Camp

**AN: _Ok, as always, Reviewer Replies!_**

**_DarkDrawerJ: _**_As always, very glad you enjoyed! Now get ready because the gentle climb on the roller coaster is about to turn into that **HOLY SHIT!** drop that everybody came for._

_**Raidentensho: **Again, Jerry has seen none of those, so no. And no, actually the toxic element would only make Natsu's magic even MORE dangerous for his friends, and that's the last thing Natsu wants, so even if it DID work like that (it doesn't) Natsu would still never use it. Epic action you say? Wait til you get to the end of this chapter!_

**_Prometo:_**_ (cackles) Who is she you ask? Which 'she' I ask? The one Jerry saw in his little trip to the doorstep of heaven? The one who healed him? Serena? So many mysterious identities! Ah yes Natsu, perhaps he will learn. One would certainly hope so, his dumbass moments can be a little more dangerous than most._

**_And now rather than drag it out any longer, I'm actually really excited for you all to read this one since it's the start of the second half of The Road to Mattachu! Hang on to your seats boys and girls, THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS REAL._**

_..._

* * *

_**Chapter 27 – Base Camp**_

* * *

…

…

Natsu spent the next day utterly _cocooned _in chains and bandages. He was…much less recalcitrant and whiny about it than I would've expected. It wasn't until that night that I found out why.

"Hey Jerry? You still awake?"

I almost didn't recognize Natsu's voice. He was actually being quiet and he sounded…sad? I sat up and gently pulsed my sleeping magic to make sure everyone else was asleep, "Yeah, what's up?"

Natsu was quiet for a moment and then, "Is everyone else asleep?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I just zonked 'em all. What's up?" He wouldn't have checked to see if everyone else was asleep if he just needed to pee.

"I really fucked up didn't I?" Natsu asked quietly.

"Which time?" I asked bluntly, noting the pained flinch before continuing, "Yeah Natsu, you fucked up pretty bad. The only reason you're in even a fraction this good a shape is because you were fire proof to begin with. That firestorm you kicked off would've killed anybody and _everybody _but you in a matter of mintues, toxic fumes or not. Levy, Erza, Gajeel, me, _Lucy…_" Natsu looked like he might be sick.

"And most of all," I continued, "_You._"

Natsu looked at me, "I what?"

"You think we want you dead?" I asked flatly, "You're my friend dumbass. You're Levy and Gajeel and Erza's brother. You're Happy's…whatever you and Happy are. Even if she's _ROYALLY _pissed at you, and you better not doubt for a second that she is, Lucy still considers you a very dear friend. That's _why _we're upset with you. We don't want you dying, especially not over something stupid like running off into a toxic minefield screaming your head off like an idiot because you thought you saw a piece of candy. How do you think I felt when I realized I had let you run headlong into a death trap?"

Natsu shot me a downtrodden look, "How?"

"Imagine if you could've warned Mira and Elfman about what was going to happen to Lisanna and didn't _because you forgot to_." Natsu flinched like I had punched him square in the face.

"Your current condition is almost entirely your fault," I declared quietly, "I'd say about ninety percent. Maybe one of us could've stopped you, but we all know you're fire proof so we thought you'd be alright. The biggest share of the blame is yours, but the next biggest chunk is mine for not remembering about phosphorus being poison. With Archive I'm supposed to never forget anything, and to an extent, I don't, but if I don't think about it, I can make little slip ups. This time, my little slip up nearly got you killed because I didn't think to stop you."

I pulled up an image of him when Erza and I found him, "This is what you looked like when Erza and I found you Natsu." Natsu's eyes widened and he looked at me in horror. I nodded grimly, "Make no mistake, we were _all _ready to beat you senseless when you set those hives off. None of us wanted _this_, and honestly, this is probably going to haunt me for a while."

I let that hang in the air for a second before continuing, "You were unconscious, but right before your mystery savior healed you, I was about to fire up my cards and portals to jet you back to Fiore at a rate that would make Happy's top speed look slower than a half frozen snail because you were seriously about to die if we couldn't get you to immediate medical attention, and maybe even if we did. I'm not kidding. Anyone but you would've been dead in minutes, and we're still not sure how the hell _you _survived. If any of us had been caught up in that, there's no doubt. We'd be dead, and on the off chance you survived, it would've been _entirely _your fault."

Natsu looked like he might be sick as I let that hang in the air for a moment. _3…2…1… _"You want to know a little secret though?"

"What's that?" Natsu asked glumly.

"None of it matters."

Natsu took a second to process that and after a couple of blinks he looked up at me with confusion all over his face like blue on Happy, "What?"

"Lemme explain to ya a little concept that got me through something arguably worse than what happened with you and Lisanna," I grinned, "The multiverse theory, which I know beyond any shadow of a doubt to be true."

"Multiverse?"

"Multiverse," I nodded, "For every decision that's ever made, for every possibility, there is a different branch of reality where the other choice was made, where the other possibility happened. There's a world out there where all of us died back there. There are worlds where some of us lived and some didn't, every possible combination exists. There's a world where you never took the Galuna job. There's one where you made S-Class years ago, and one where you're an ice wizard and quite a few where you're not a wizard at all. Every possibility that can be possibly conceived of happened, _is_ happening and playing out, _right now_. Somewhere in the multiverse, there's a world where you got the optimal outcome from the Galuna job, Gramps made you S-Class on the spot and Lucy fell madly in love with you as a result. Somewhere, there's a world where you never joined Fairy Tail and never will. There are worlds where you were never born. Where _none of us_ were ever born."

"But, what's that got to do with anything?" Natsu asked after a few quiet minutes of contemplation.

"Everything… and nothing at all," I added with a grin, "Do you know what guilt is Natsu? It's wondering if you should've made a different choice, whether you should've acted differently and what would've happened if you had. The existence of the multiverse makes that a completely pointless waste of time because in another world, you _did _make the other choice. You _did _act differently. On the other hand, there are also worlds where you made the worst choices possible and would be utterly disgusted with the twisted reflection of yourself those worlds host. What it all boils down to Natsu, is that everything we do, every choice we make, it's all completely pointless because at the exact moment we made our choice, we also made the opposite choice."

"You know what that means right Natsu?"

"It kinda sounds like you're telling me to give up, but I don't think that's what you're saying," Natsu declared a moment later.

I nodded, "That's right. It's precisely _because _life and everything we do is pointless that it is _beautiful._ The only meaning we have is what we ascribe to ourselves, and in the end even that'll fade away. There's no point in worrying over the past or what might've been or even what might come in the future. Hold your head high and forge ahead. There's a saying back home, 'You only live once,' and it's true! So by golly make the most of it! If you don't like how your life's going, then change it! If you think everyone's looking at you like you're an idiot, then start using your head for something other than keeping your ears apart! If you think Lucy doesn't like you, _then find out_ and decide if it's worth changing how you act to get with her. Or you can just bull on through life like you always have and see how it turns out! _There are no wrong answers when it comes to living your life Natsu._"

I clapped Natsu on the shoulder, "Did you fuck up Natsu? Yes. Did you commit some grave crime that you'll never recover from? No. Do any of us think less of you? _Probably._" I admitted before adding, "Not me, I already _knew_ you're a moron." Natsu gave me a sour look and I smirked at him, "Ya know what though? You're _our _moron, and that's that. So in the future, maybe try not to get us all blown up eh?"

Natsu stared at me for a moment and then a small grin formed, "Hah, yeah. Thanks Jerry. I do feel a little better now."

I nodded, "Good, now go to sleep. We should reach that Base Camp Miguel told us about tomorrow, you'll need your rest." So saying I gently bopped him over the head with a rhino's dosage of Sleep magic and grinned as he flopped over backwards.

I patted my sleeping bag back into shape and slithered back into it before rolling over to face away from the others as confusion furrowed my brow, _Who taught me all that? And why am I just now remembering it?_

…

…

As we grew closer, the sky grew overcast. The further towards the mountains we flew, the darker the clouds got. I eventually had to manifest spotlights on top of keeping the Card Car afloat.

"Hey Miguel," I asked, "Is the weather always like this around here?"

"No, last time I was here it was sunny, most all day every day," Miguel replied, "It would rain for about an hour every afternoon, but the sun would always poke its head back out afterwards. There must be quite a storm coming, I hope we make it to Base Camp before it hits."

"Doesn't smell like rain," Gajeel declared after poking his head through a small 'window' in the side of the Card Car, "Juvia's my best friend, trust me, I know what rain smells like. _That ain't rain comin'._"

"Just overcast?" I asked hopefully, not liking what his tone was implying at all.

"No," Gajeel declared grimly, "Something's _wrong_ with these clouds. I don't know what, but I've got a feelin' we're gonna find out before this is over."

"FINALLY!" Erza suddenly crowed. Then she turned neon pink when we all turned to look at her in surprise. A small triumphant smile split her features, "This has been way too easy thus far! S-Class quests are supposed to be challenging! FINALLY we're getting to the good part!"

We all swapped glances and then, "I kinda enjoyed the cruise myself actually," I declared.

Serena gently punched my shoulder with a grin, "You _better have _since we were shagging for two thirds of it." Elric made a funny little strangled squawking sound and I just had to grin.

…

…

'Base Camp' turned out to be a small town nestled in a valley between some of the abnormally steep mountains that characterized the region beside a lake that dropped off into a waterfall that fell into a deep valley that looked almost as deep as the mountains were high above the town. No matter which way you went in from here, you'd be scaling a cliff. If you couldn't fly, this would almost certainly be the end of the road unless you were equipped and ready to scale a hundred meters or more either straight up or straight down. There was little doubt that most would be neither after the journey here.

The town was built out of the gray stone from the surrounding cliffs and jungle timbers. It was actually surprisingly large, nice and modern considering its location.

"Base Camp was built by all the people who got this far and refused to leave, as well as their mostly disillusioned descendants," Miguel told us grimly, "It's a truly sad place, and Mattachu is _not _a good subject to bring up unless you just _want _to start a brawl. The ones who believe do so with all their hearts, and the ones who don't are willing to punch the teeth out of anyone who talks about it because they blame it for them being stuck out here and the deaths of nearly everyone who's ever set foot in this town." He sighed sadly, "So many people come through here and never return, or do so as corpses carried in by the ones who do. You see that cleared area over there?"

He nodded his head towards the falls, and for a second we didn't realize what we were seeing. Then we realized what the carved stones were. "Every one of those stones is someone who ventured into the jungle and never came back," Miguel confirmed quietly before nodding towards the west side of town, "That one over there is for those who left and never returned. To the best of my knowledge, I am the first to ever come back. The one on the south side is for those who died here."

He snorted, "What was left of my team didn't even get into the city proper before we turned and _ran _back here with everything we could carry, determined to tell everyone and bring them to see." He grimaced, "We wanted to give them some hope, but even when we showed them the little bit of gold we'd managed to carry back, they didn't believe us. Their hope is so broken that they couldn't believe even when we showed them proof."

He sighed, "That's when we decided to come back to Fiore and get more help." He smiled, "If you'd be so kind Jerry, let's head down. I wonder if any of them remember me?"

…

…

The entire street _froze _when they saw Miguel. There was a somewhat intense stare down for almost three minutes, and then the crowd surged forward. There was a lot of shouting. It seemed like quite a celebration was cooking, not too dissimilar to what Fairy Tail was like when something even vaguely party worthy happened. Miguel was the center of attention, but we were getting a lot of interest as well. I guess our entrance would tend to have that effect.

I was vaguely embarrassed when I was the only one immediately picked out as a wizard since the others were all much more experienced than me. It faded pretty quickly though once the others started introducing themselves and it became clear that Lucy, Levy and me were the only ones of our group who weren't big enough names that even those outside the wizarding community knew who we were immediately. Anyone who'd arrived in the last five years knew Natsu, Gajeel and Erza. Erza got recognition from people who weren't even _from _Fiore.

I felt kinda bad for Serena and Elric, the attention glossed right over them the instant they revealed they were tourists instead of wizards. Then Serena caught my eye and tapped the side of her head. I took the hint and established a link.

_We're going to look around, Elric says there'll probably be a feast or a party or whatever since everyone's so excited. We'll see you then._ She signed off with a cheerful grin, wink and offhanded salute. Then she disappeared into the crowd.

Then my attention was drawn to the fact that someone had convinced Natsu to do tricks and Erza was gesturing frantically for me to get over there and stop him before he burned somebody or something.

…

…

A party was indeed arranged and the townsfolk had lots of questions about what was happening in Fiore recently. I didn't know much about it being new and all, so a lot of the questions for me turned into asking about what kind of wizard I was. In the course of questioning about my capabilities as a wizard, one thing led to another and I wound up volunteering to do a little building. This led to me being shown to the edge of the considerable cleared area the town occupied where the jungle had been forced back. "We use mostly timber for our buildings," Allan the architect and head of most construction projects in town informed me, "They hold up pretty good, but I'm kinda curious to see how a wizard would handle it."

I looked up at the towering trees and reached under my hat to scratch my head, "Whatcha want built?"

"Ehm…well the town hall's kinda small," he admitted, "We threw it up as an afterthought once the town started growin' proper."

I nodded, "And where are you wanting the new one?"

"Um…Right behind the old one?" Allan supplied cautiously, "You're not planning to stay here long enough to build it all yourself though, right?"

I popped a card out of each sleeve, "Why wait? You want wood floors right?"

"Um…sure?"

"Cool." SWTHU-THU-THU-THUNK! _POW!_ Four trees collapsed into boards after being chopped up by my telekinesis and landed neatly in my telekinetic grip.

"What's the stone around here like?" I asked as Allan and his crew gaped at the stack of sixteen and eight foot two by fours as I ferried it out away from the tree line and set it on a couple of stack sticks I'd carved from the leftovers. Before he could answer, I split four more trees and ran a quick count as I caught them, "That should be enough for a start."

I tossed my two cards under the stacks of lumber and inflated them before politely gesturing back towards town, "Lead the way."

"I need to learn magic…" Allan mumbled before heading off towards town.

A few minutes later I used another of my cards as a giant shovel to clear out a massive plot of ground down to bare raw earth. It was surprising how little dirt was actually there before I hit rock, but I shrugged it off. "Well guess I won't be needing concrete for this phase of construction after all," I mused, "Which is good because I friggin' _hate dealing with concrete_. Let's go look at that stone over there!" I set the lumber down and headed for the nearest rock face.

I grinned when I got over to it, "Granite! _Nice._" I chewed down a quick burst of light and set my hand on the rough stone face with a grin, _"Polish._" A second later I regretted my spell as a massive burst of stone dust erupted and I had to immediately catch every bit of it and crush it into a ball. It did make a very pretty marble sphere (that only narrowly missed crushing my foot as it dropped from my outstretched hand), but I still needed a bath as I staggered back to find out just exactly how much I'd overdone it this time.

I had to gape in shock, "HOLY _CRAP _I OVERDID IT!" I'd been intending to use Decomposition to blast smooth about a meter-wide window half an inch deep to get a good look at the stone I was going to be working with. Just enough to knock all the roughness down. Ah-ah. I did what seemed like half the cliff.

On the upside, the stone revealed was _gorgeous._ The glassy smooth midnight blue was flecked with specks and whorls of white that made it look like the night sky. It took my breath away once I got back far enough to get a good look at it.

"What the hell are you?" Allan breathed as he stared in awe.

"Fairy Tail wizard," I replied, "We eat impossible for breakfast and shit it out on improbability." After a moment I recovered my composure, "Ya know, it'd about be a shame to break it. It's too pretty. Ya got a quarry anywhere I can mine out of?"

I took another bite of light to recover the full percent of my power that had required.

"Uh, no we don't have a quarry," Allan stammered, "but isn't the stone just like right there below the surface?"

I thought about it for a moment, "Good point. One fresh meeting hall," I knelt and laid my hand to the ground as a grin spread across my face, "_coming up._"

"What do you…_OH SHIT!"_

I don't mind the ground shaking when _I'm_ the one doing it!

…

…

I was _thoroughly _wiped out by that evening. Simply building a new meeting hall nearly as big as the Guild Hall would've been just plain too easy. No, I just _had_ to go and show off like the absolute _dumbass_ I am. On the upside, Master Precht had managed to teach me the basics of Earth-Make magic during his visit, so I had quite possibly the best tool imaginable for bending the stone around town to my will. For some reason everything I made came out a bit pyramid shaped, but I could still do walls and pillars easily enough.

Gajeel handled all the more intricate stuff since he'd actually already _known_ Iron Make Magic. "I usually stick to simple stuff when I'm fightin'," he'd explained, "a good club or at most a sword is plenty for most fights, and I don't really like fighting at a distance. Punching people in the face is more satisfying, so even though I probably _could _make something like Shrimp's tank pretty, I don't usually like to. Of course," he'd added as he'd nonchalantly churned out half a dozen more complex parts already assembled in a little wave of green light, "Just because I don' particular like doin' somethin' doesn't mean I ain't good at it."

The dirt streets? Paved with polished granite pavers on top of the dirt that had previously covered them.

The roaring waterfall? Bridged and harnessed with a dozen water wheels across its width as its water rocketed through the gaps in the exceptionally wide new dam. Honestly the new dam was large enough to count as an entire new district to the town, and we'd erected several buildings along the top of it. The joys of being able to manipulate matter with one's mind!

I hadn't gone for _ordinary _waterwheels either, I'd stretched my imagination a little and made them so that they could be lifted out of the water easily for repairs and the water flow to them could be shut off by immense iron shutters on rollers (thank you Gajeel). With a little design help from Levy, the village now had a powerful and well-made mill, an incredibly stout bellows and mechanical hammer for ironwork in their new smithy, and nine more waterwheels for whatever they happened to devise that might need that kind of power.

The buildings? All stepped up from timber cottages to concrete and stone _houses_ with timber framing and indoor plumbing. The water to that plumbing was courtesy of the rather sizable tower that Gajeel, Natsu and I had designed and put together as an add-on to the mill and running off the same waterwheel. I decided to run all the pipes overhead down the streets because I'd had quite enough of crawling around _under _houses when my family back home had decided to fix things themselves, and if the pipes were up in the open, then they were much easier to get to, and much easier to spot any problems with.

I'd also put together a compendium of designs used and possible future ones. By that point, we'd taken most of the day and I'd recharged from less than five percent almost a dozen times. This was the bit where Erza told me in that way she normally reserves for Natsu to stop and that I'd done enough. When I tried to protest, being too tired to really think better of it, I was promptly knocked out.

So now I woke up in what I recognized as one of the guest rooms in the town hall I had built earlier. I glanced around, idly musing over what I could still improve in the design, then my thoughts were derailed by a smile.

"You're awake," she declared with a smile before sitting forward and setting a tray of food from the very simple nightstand onto the bed next to me as I pushed myself upright. She was wearing a simple dark red and white dress, rather conservative but it still looked exceptionally good on her. She was perhaps not _quite _so heart shatteringly gorgeous as Mira, but if not then she was damn sure a _very_ close second. She was definitely as beautiful as Erza, Cana or Lucy. She had wavy blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail that was a little more honey gold than Lucy's, and her eyes were a warmer shade of brown, more like molten amber than Lucy's chocolatey brown. They were the sort of eyes that could yank a man's heart and soul out to wrap around her little finger in passing without even realizing it.

I couldn't help but draw immediate comparisons to Lucy, because aside from those slight differences, the accent, slight tan, and about three cup sizes in Lucy's favor, they could've easily been sisters. There was something else familiar about her, the shape of her face and that hair reminded me of somebody, but I couldn't for the life of me remember who.

I brushed it off mentally and snorted lightly with a smile, "Yeah, I probably should've thought better than arguing with Erza. How long was I out?"

"A few hours," she answered with a smile, "Everyone else is downstairs at the party. I came up here because I wanted to talk to you."

I sat up a little more with a smile, "Ah, well in that case before we begin, may I ask the lovely young lady her name?"

She blinked and then looked around in confusion before pointing at herself. I raised an eyebrow as my grin went the friendliest crooked it could, "Yes you. You're clearly the most beautiful person in the room, and I'd very much like to know your name."

She immediately blushed pinker than Natsu's hair and started having trouble making eye contact, "Oh, um…I…you can call me Mary."

"That's a cute accent you've got," I declared as I leaned around to try to meet her gaze with a smile, "Where are you from Mary?"

"Oh, I'm… actually local," she admitted after a moment, "Um, what about you? Where are you from? I've, never even imagined magic like yours. It's, I'm honestly fascinated."

I nodded, "I'm flattered you think so highly of my abilities. I'm from the wizard guild Fairy Tail, situated in the town of Magnolia up in Fiore. It's a few thousand miles northwest of here. To tell ya the truth though…" I added, "I'm actually not from there. I was yanked into this world from a different one a few months ago, and I've been strolling along ever since. I've gathered that my different perspective is a lot of what makes my magic so versatile and formidable since I'm pretty sure at least three members of my team are significantly stronger than I am as far as raw power goes."

She looked up at me in surprise and then glanced down, "And modest too. I don't believe that they're stronger than you for a second. Look at how much you've done in just a day! This was a town barely scratched out of the jungle and now it looks like it's the home of an army of craftsmen and geniuses…" She actually _did _meet my gaze then and dammit why was my heart skipping and stuttering like a scratched up record… "Because you showed up for _one day._"

**DAMN.** There was so much earnest and heartfelt admiration in her voice and gaze that I _immediately _felt like a complete shit stain. Why did I feel like a shit stain? Because nobody in the world could match up to the image of perfection I could see reflecting in her eyes, and even the greatest heroes would be petty lowlifes by comparison. Naturally, that made me _lower _than scum since I was no hero, let alone a great one.

I levitated the tray back to the table and swung my legs out so that I could face her properly, "Mary…" She looked wholly taken aback by my sudden somber tone and I continued in a quiet but deadly serious tone, "You shouldn't look up at me like that."

She looked slightly hurt and confused, it had come rather out of nowhere I supposed, so I reached out and gently took her hand, "You shouldn't look up at me or anyone else like they're perfect, because _nobody's_ perfect. So, if you look up at somebody and idolize them as being a perfect hero, then they're bound to let you down eventually because they can never measure up to some idealized perfection in your head."

I smiled at her earnestly, "If you must look up to someone, don't let it blind you. Respecting and caring for someone means acknowledging their flaws too. If you only see what you want to in somebody, then you'll leave yourself open for a lot of pain and heartbreak when that person isn't who you thought they were. I've seen it happen and it's absolutely awful. I don't want to see you hurt like that, and I especially don't want to be the _reason_ for you to hurt like that. After all," I added with a grin as she looked at me in surprise, "there's not so much about me to admire!"

"I'm just a scruffy wizard in a nice hat," I declared, "I admit I'm quite clever, but much of my apparent cleverness stems from my different origin and perspective, beyond that I use magic to make sure I don't forget things. As far as I'm concerned, that's completely and utterly _cheating._ I assure you, Levy is _far _more intelligent than I am. I'm pretty strong as a wizard, but again, I'm actually probably the third _weakest _of my team at best."

I couldn't meet her gaze as I started to list off all the things that I _still _couldn't believe Mira overlooked to consider me an acceptable romantic partner, "I'm too lazy to bother with proper hygiene, I just cheat and use magic. I'm a complete and utter glutton, and an adrenaline junkie who actively _enjoys_ pummeling people. I'm a clutz and overdo it with my magic all the time until I either drive myself to the edge or someone like Erza knocks me out. I'm totally oblivious to a lot of things and prone to overthinking what I'm not oblivious to. Most of all though," I looked her in the eye then, "I have someone back home waiting for me. It's a little complicated right now," I admitted, "But please don't go developing a crush on me. I can't stand the thought of breaking hearts."

Mary flinched and for a second I thought I had convinced her. Then she smiled, and I knew I had _completely _failed to sway her opinion of me. "You say all that," she told me softly, "But for all that you tell me you're not worth admiring…" she looked me dead in the eye, "…_I know I'm right._"

I opened my mouth to protest but before I could there was a second tongue in my mouth. It was a quick kiss, and Mary was to the door in the time it took my brain to reboot, but that didn't make it any less effective. She shot a grin over her shoulder at me, "See you around handsome."

_The eyes are off but otherwise she's a dead ringer for… _the thought cut itself off as my brain finished rebooting. Unfortunately, even as my eyes went wide and I started frantically trying to catch the trailing threads of that string of thought, an immense roar erupted like thunder as a massive impact shook the whole town.

…

…

I teleported outside and was confronted with a dragon sized…_thing. _It was vaguely humanoid but wreathed entirely in darkness. All except for the eyes, _those _glowed with a purple light that set off every danger signal my instincts knew. It was like the moment in a nightmare where you realize the thing that's there to kill you is going to succeed, _that _is how instinctively terrifying the giant's eyes were. Then, its eyes locked onto me. It opened its mouth and roared and somehow that existential terror somehow got _WORSE._

I'm not sure if my heart shut down for a second, but I _know _my mind did. For a brief instant, I was absolutely convinced that I was about to die.

Then my keys started burning from where I kept them in the special pockets I'd made for them in my sleeve as though they were screaming for me to summon them. I raised my hand and the words erupted almost of their own accord, "OPEN! GATE OF THE MAIDEN!"

The drain on my magic was _immediate._ Summoning Virgo or Leo would normally take approximately half a percent of my power. For some reason, this time? Nearly a full _fifth_ of my power, _INSTANTLY._

The shock of the drain was enough that it broke my stride. I had been about to summon all three of my spirits. Then Virgo appeared next to me with an uncharacteristically grim and serious expression on her face. She didn't meet my gaze, her eyes locked on the immense purple pits that had locked on to her in return, "Master, I need to borrow a _lot _of your power. I can fight him, but I'm going to have to do something I haven't done in over four hundred years. We'll have to reforge our contract afterwards and I may not be able to fight for a while, but will you allow me to fight at my _FULL _power?"

I nodded, the unintelligible terror faded from my mind in the wake of Virgo's natural glow, "Go all out."

Virgo clasped her hands together as though in prayer and her eyes closed,

_"Watcher in the Heavens, grant me this night. _

_Restore to me my full might, _

_entrusted to you long ago. _

_Tonight I, Celestial Maiden Virgo, _

_will once more do battle in the world of men…"_

The giant swung, his building sized fist hurtling forward as Virgo finished her chant and light erupted around her like a miniature sun…

"_**Return me now, TO MY ORIGIN!**"_

_..._

* * *

...

_**No teaser this time. If that didn't get you hyped for next week nothing will.**_


	33. Ch28: PANIC

**AN: _Welcome back one and all! Before we continue, a word for our reviewers!_**

**_AnimeMyWorld:_ **_And so it begins!_

**_Arclight001:_**_ You're not wrong to wonder about Jerry's power level. One thing that I guess I haven't spelled out yet even though I've been trying to make it clear since at least Chapter 8, is that Jerry actually has some borderline crippling self-esteem issues. That's what's been holding his magic back: the simple fact that he actually kinda hates himself and is walking down the edge of some serious depression. For all that he IS incredibly formidable, his magic is still somewhat unresponsive compared to what Natsu, Erza and Gajeel can do with theirs. The other thing to consider is that his success against Wall and Ajeel was mostly due to his knowledge, determination and luck. If Ajeel hadn't stopped to gloat, he would've killed Jerry easily before Jerry could pull that trick with the portal to the seafloor. If Jerry had tried to take the Etherion instead of redirecting it, or if Ajeel or Wall either one hadn't been so stunned he did, then they would've killed him immediately afterwards. If Jerry's magic wasn't absurdly versatile and custom tailored to beating the stuffings out of other wizards, he would've lost BADLY in about a minute. Ajeel and Wall went into that fight cocky and it cost them the battle, but only because Wall chose to try thawing Ajeel to end it quicker rather than going balls to the wall and finish them himself. If Wall had continued that fight himself, he had a 1 in 3 chance of victory, 100% guaranteed if he managed to take out Jerry for even a moment, which he could've very easily done. Make no mistake, Jerry and the whole team were hitting WAY above their weight class and only even SURVIVED because of pure dumb luck and some poor choices on Wall and Ajeel's part. If even the tiniest thing had gone differently, they would've lost. That was a 1 in 100 win right there. _

**_Me (Guest):_**_ Welcome back! Glad you're still enjoying, glad you like it since it's a rather important element of this final third of the Road to Mattachu. There's actually going to be a small little detour on the way back to Fairy Tail, so you'll have to wait just a liiittle bit longer to see the Guild Hall again after the end of this arc. Don't worry, it's just a little 3-4 chapter arc to mark our return to the normal flow of the story._

**_And now, without further ado..._**

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**Chapter 28 – PANIC**

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For an instant I couldn't see the dark behemoth at all through the miniature sunburst, as the drain on my power almost quadrupled, then it faded and my eyes went wide, "Virgo?"

Where my beloved partner had stood only a second before was an entirely different woman. Her hair was long and gently curled near her shoulders and a golden laurel wreath was nestled in the silky pink locks. The black militaristic uniform had been swapped out for a flowing white dress with a golden belt wrapped around her waist and a sheathed sword at her side. Then she turned her eyes to me for a brief moment and smiled gently, "Fear not, Justice has arrived."

I did fear though, because the instant I saw that smile, I knew that wasn't Virgo. My eyes widened, "You're Astraea…"

Her smile widened ever so slightly, "Correct." Her smile should've been a thing of beauty, and it was, but for all that her looks honestly surpassed Mira, there was an eerie calm about her that tore my heart, because I was terrified that one of my dearest friends had just given her existence to bring this one back into the world.

Then she turned her attention back to the shadow monster that I had almost forgotten was there in my fear for Virgo. Astraea's voice rang out with more authority than Erza or even Master Makarov could ever have hoped to achieve, "You have grown slow and weak Titan of Shadows, so much so that I almost wonder if your presence was worth mine. Has your confinement taken such a toll upon your strength?"

"No matter though," she continued coldly, "Now that I am here, your slumber will be made eternal. _Properly _this time." She swept her hand to the side and I suddenly realized what had happened to the Shadow Titan's fist that had been plummeting towards us: Astraea had caught it in a portal. Now as she swept her hand to the side, the Shadow Titan was yanked sideways as glowing pink portals opened all over its body. Astraea waved her hand over her head and spun the Titan overhead like a flail before casually flinging it down the valley like a doll.

Then Astraea was gone in an instant and I recognized my own teleportation magic at work. I didn't have time to ponder it though, because just then, distant points of light marked the Shadow Titan's location as Astraea proceeded to go to town on it. I almost felt bad for the Titan, because judging by the way those portals were moving, Astraea was as out of its weight class as Natsu was for most of the criminals we rounded up. Then Astraea sent the Titan shooting down the cliff face towards the town, grinding its face into the stone while it flailed.

She appeared next to me again as it passed and with a simple motion of her hands flipped the Titan on its back, flattening dozens of trees in the process. Astraea made a few quick little motions with her hands, those and the slight furrow of concentration on her brow being the only sign of any disturbance to her ethereal serenity. Meanwhile, her portals were forcing the Shadow Titan into a kneeling position.

It roared in protest and struggled, but Astraea's portals had it bound as thoroughly as any chains. Astraea stepped towards it and then teleported, reappearing atop a portal in front of its face. A moment later, she unsheathed her sword. The ensuing…_attack_, was something like a nuclear bomb loaded into a sword slash. When I finished blinking the spots from my eyes, the Shadow Titan was gone and there was a glowing red line of molten stone in the cliffs. With an almighty _WHOOSH!_ The forest suddenly ignited from the heat of the attack.

I was honestly about to get worried. Then Astraea casually mimicked the attack I'd used to finally wound Ajeel on a scale comparable to Niagra Falls…and used it as a giant fire hose to put out the fire now raging below.

When the fire was out, she reappeared next to me. I could only stare at her for a second and then, "Lady Astraea, what happened to Virgo?"

She tilted her head in confusion, "Who?"

My heart felt like it was suddenly _encased _in ice that would make even Gray shiver, "Virgo, my partner! She's a Celestial Spirit, one of my best friends! She did some kind of spell to turn into you! Something about her origin? She said we'd have to renew our contract and she wouldn't be able to fight for a while after. _Tell me you can bring her back!_"

Astraea studied my face for a moment, "Your words ring true, but I am sorry. I do not know of this Virgo who you speak of." As my mind stopped in sheer horror, she mused, "From what I can understand of your words, she is a future version of myself. I can sense that your magic has mingled with mine, and…" She laid a hand on my chest over my heart, "…yes I see. You are my anchor to this realm, that explains it." She raised her hands to either side of my face and looked me in the eye, "This may feel strange."

Suddenly every memory I had of Virgo flashed through my mind in an instant and then Astraea was gone and Virgo was in front of me, looking utterly exhausted. "Jerry…" she breathed a small smile spreading across her face, "You saved me…"

Then she collapsed and I only narrowly caught her, "VIRGO!"

She laughed weakly as I knelt with her and cradled her close to my chest, "Sorry for the scare… You're…going to…" she yawned and _that _was terrifying because I didn't know Virgo even _could _get tired, "You're going to need to be careful. If he was here, then that means the others are waking up. We should've known when the darkness obscured this region…" She was barely able to keep her eyes open at this point, "Stop the…tree…"

I nodded, "I will. Now you go home and get some rest, let me take care of things down here." I clutched her to me and the tears that had been threatening to fall since Astraea appeared came down from sheer relief, "Don't ever scare me like that again."

Virgo laughed as she dissolved in familiar golden light, _I'll try…_

A moment later, she was gone, but I knew she was safe. Which led to the next order of business, _Why is there a sleep spell down there?_

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I teleported down to the Town Hall and my eyes narrowed as I spotted some sort of tentacle rising up from the center of the room. It looked like it was nearly a meter thick and there were numerous smaller tendrils spreading rapidly across the room like the branches of a tree. Every single tendril was sticking to a person and spreading across them like roots. A quick glance turned up none of my team, Serena, Miguel, Elric or Mary among the unconscious victims of the quickly spreading tendrils. I reached out with my magic and frowned, every person the tendrils were touching was being shielded from my magic by them.

I snapped my fingers and teleported all those I could outside. Then eyes started opening. My eyes widened as the townspeople started getting to their feet with slow jerky movements and glowing pale blue eyes. I growled, "Because of _course _the alien looking tentacle can do mind control."

I reached into my pocket and drew the knife that had been in my pocket since I'd arrived in Hargeon (couldn't believe I'd never used it before), and grinned as I flicked the blade open, "Let's see what happens when I cut that tentacle off."

Just because I couldn't teleport the now remote controlled townsfolk didn't mean I couldn't teleport _me._ A split second later I was next to the central tentacle, and my arm shot out like a striking snake, carving a wide rent in the tentacle. My eyes narrowed at the inky black contents and then widened in horror as more tentacles suddenly surged out and tried to grab me. I only narrowly managed to teleport back to the door in time, and just in time for the tentacles' victims to prove they had gotten a lot, and I do mean a _LOT_ faster under its influence.

They weren't as fast as Jet, but anyone who hadn't scrapped with him on a regular basis wouldn't stand a chance. Thankfully ever since I'd stuffed him in the trunk of my Card Car on our first mission together, he'd always taken any opportunity he could get during the Guild Hall Brawls to get a cheap shot in with his High Speed magic. It made dodging the empowered townsfolk actually not that difficult. The _difficult _part was lining up a shot at those tentacles controlling them without hurting them.

I spent what felt like an eternity ducking dodging and teleporting around the lunging zombified townsfolk, shooting my cards at the central tendril through any opening I could get. Unfortunately, even with my cards hitting as hard and sharp as they could, they were just bouncing off. After a few minutes, I realized I was getting nowhere, so I teleported into the air and hovered there with my telekinesis to catch my breath and assess the situation. I grinned slightly, "Can't get me up here."

The tentacle _immediately _proved me wrong by flinging Alan the architect at me. I dodged Alan by a hairs breadth and then he just hovered there for a second. If it hadn't been for the sixth sense of spatial awareness my telekinesis gave me, I would've been snatched out of the air by the three more people the tentacle launched at me. I teleported out of the way and then it was a mad whirlwind of motion as the tentacle started using the people like flails, wildly thrashing them about as fast as it could and trying to hit me. It was absolute pandemonium.

I had to teleport outside immediately because I realized pretty quickly that whatever the tentacle was, it wasn't concerned with the wellbeing of its puppets. It had smashed over half a dozen people into the walls in less than a minute trying to hit me. Then a solution occurred to me as I looked at the tendril pointedly _not _extending outside the confines of the town hall.

I grinned and chomped down a bit of air to recharge. Thank whatever gods there were that Master Precht's visit had revealed that I wasn't limited to light. Light was still my primary element and I got the most boost from it, but anything else worked too. Astraea's presence had really drained me, so it took me a minute of munching, but when I was done, I had more than enough power to rip the town hall and the ground it was sitting on up into the air.

My eyes bugged out as I saw the damn tentacle stretch but not break. I put my hands together and _unloaded_ on that thing. It wasn't as big as the beams I'd been firing at Ajeel and Wall, but it should've been enough to obliterate basically anything.

The tentacle was barely singed, and in a disgusting boiling bubbling instant it was whole again. I grit my teeth and teleported the people I'd managed to save from the tentacle as far away as I could. _If that's the tree Virgo was talking about,_ I mused, _Then it looks like I'm gonna have to find the root and rip it out, because that thing's not giving._ I set the town hall back down flew down the valley, my Archive radar stretching to try and find my team because I honestly couldn't see them wising up and backing off from that tentacle without dragging everybody out with them. _Which means something must've lured them away._

I pulled up short in horror not a second later, _What the hell?!_

The tentacles invoked a barrier against my magic on everything they touched. On its own, that was terrifying. What I realized now as I attempted to scan the jungle below me for any sign of my friends catapulted that thing to the same level of existential dread as the Shadow Titan, _"**IT'S TAINTED THE ENTIRE JUGNLE?!**"_

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**MEANWHILE**

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"GO!" Erza shouted as she leapt to dodge the massive blow that nearly crushed her and left a crater in the jungle floor, "I'LL HANDLE THIS ONE AND CATCH UP TO YOU! GO GET LUCY AND LEVY BACK!"

Natsu wanted to argue, but Gajeel tossed him over his shoulder and took off, shouting over his shoulder, "YOU HAD BETTER! IF YOU DIE, _I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ERZA!_"

"KEEP DREAMING!" Erza shot back with a grin as she requipped in a burst of light.

A split second later, she was gone among the trees, even the sounds of her titanic battle with the giant Shadow Monkey thing fading quickly as Gajeel raced forward at top speed, Happy and Miguel flying alongside him. "I know you don't like leaving her Natsu!" Gajeel shouted, "But she's Erza, and Lucy and Levy are helpless until that sleep spell wears off! So we gotta help where we're most needed! Jerry'll figure out where we've gone soon and catch up, and you know he won't let anything happen to Erza!"

"I do?!" Natsu asked in surprise.

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THAT OBLIVIOUS?!" Gajeel demanded, "THOSE TWO CAN'T KEEP THEIR EYES OFF EACH OTHER!"

"_WHAT?!_"

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If Erza'd had any idea what Gajeel was saying, she would likely have decked him to shut him up. Right then though, she had much bigger concerns in the form of a shadow beast as big as anything she'd ever fought. It had apparently barely even felt her Heaven's Wheel Blumenbatt, the hail of swords serving only to get its attention as they bounced off like rubber balls on a great iron wall.

The monstrous monkey had returned fire with a fist the size of a wagon that she'd only managed to dodge by a hair's breadth after requipping into her Flight Armor. It was great for speed, but it had a serious lack of striking power compared to some of her more heavy duty armors. _Conventional weapons won't work,_ she mused, _Which means it's an elemental weakness because it HAS to have a weakness._ She chanced a glance at it as she dashed through the trees, _It's all covered in darkness, so… _"MORNINGSTAR!"

She changed as she leapt over a fallen tree and landed in a white orange and yellow ensemble, with two fresh swords in her hands. She sprang into the air and attempted to land on top of the Shadow Beast's arm as it threw another world wrecking punch at her. Instead she fell straight through it and felt as though she'd been soaked in pure, cold _fear_.

It ate into her like acid, the literally bone chilling dread doing its level best to consume her as she crumpled onto the ground, her graceful landing completely ruined by the lack of anything to land on and the sudden direct attack on her mind. An instant later, the Shadow Beast slammed its massive and alarmingly solid fist down on top of her and drove her almost a foot into the ground. Then another, and another and another. The immense impacts drove the wind out of her and Erza felt bones cracking and then breaking with every fresh hit. She wanted to move, to use her telekinesis to force the earth to shield her, but the earth wouldn't respond and instead only served to trap her more thoroughly beneath the Beast's furious hits.

After what seemed like an eternity of pummeling, Erza saw the Shadow Beast peer down at her now still and nigh unconscious form with those terrible green eyes. Apparently satisfied that she wasn't getting up any time soon, it turned and left.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that Erza felt the tickling begin. It started on her left leg and quickly started wriggling across her skin. In a fit of instinctual terror, Erza flung herself out of the ground and hung in the air with her telekinesis, her heart hammering as all her injuries screamed at the sudden movement. As she saw the blue slimy tentacle probing the bottom of the crater where she'd been a split second earlier though, she realized she'd dodged a bullet. Without a second's hesitation, she aimed her swords, "_PHOTON SLICER!"_

A massive stream of light erupted from the points of her swords and slammed into the ground where the tentacle was, and for a brief second Erza felt some slight vindication in the assumption that her attack had vaporized the offending tentacle. _I've read enough racy novels to know where **that** was going,_ she mused.

Then she hurled herself skyward with a shriek of "**_CRAP!_**" as the ground suddenly erupted in a forest of tentacles, shooting skyward in an attempt to snatch her.

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"What the heck Miguel?!" Gajeel yelled as they suddenly broke free of the tree line and raced into a city covered in cobwebs, "I thought it was a city of gold, not spiders!"

"This is new!" Miguel called back, "Trust me I would _not _have come back if it looked like _SPIDERS! PULL UP! PULL UP!_

Gajeel didn't even break his stride, "NATSU!"

"FIRE DRAGON…ROOOOOOOOOAR!" Natsu's burning breath flooded the street and forced the encroaching black carpet of arachnids back.

Gajeel suddenly flipped him around off his shoulder and held him like a rifle, "EAT FIRE YOU LITTLE BASTAAARDS!" he yelled while Natsu continued to spew flames like mad, running on unimpeded, "DON'T MAKE ME USE THE OTHER END!"

"GIVE US BACK LUCY AND LEVY!" Happy yelled from where he'd shot twenty feet into the air with Miguel.

Gajeel and Natsu charged ahead, the flames easily clearing their path to follow the glowy-eyed bastards that had kidnapped an unconscious Lucy and Levy. The glowy bastards were fast, but not fast enough to completely escape the sharp eyes of the dragon slayers. Combined with the fact that even the fastest things left a scent trail, Gajeel and Natsu had no trouble weaving through the city in flaming hot pursuit.

It wasn't until they rounded a blind corner that they learned where the kidnappers were going. The giant mass of shadows with eight holes of horrible white light turned to look at them from where it was crouched over the street, lines of darkness connecting it to the blanket of webbing that covered the surrounding buildings. "_NATSU THROW ME!"_ Gajeel yelled without a moment's hesitation as he dropped Natsu.

"_FIRE DRAGON IRON FIST!"_ Natsu roared as his hand erupted in flames to catch Gajeel's foot as he jumped and give him a rocket powered boost. Gajeel's hands suddenly became massive chainsaw like blades and as Natsu launched him, he whirled through the air like a tornado of flaming bladed death, ramming into the immense black spider with a roar of, "**_FIRE IRON DRAGON SWOOORD HOOORN!"_**

Then he disappeared into the shadows, popping out the other side and crashing headlong and extinguished into side of the building the kidnappers had run into. Natsu stared in horror for a split second before his hands ignited like miniature suns and he ran on, "HAPPY! GET MIGUEL TO SAFETY!"

He charged forward as Happy banked away, "Fire Dragooon _ROOOOOAR!"_ The spider shied away from the whirlwind of flames, but only enough to shield its eyes. The instant Natsu's attack petered out, the Spider returned fire with a blast of jet black webbing that slammed the Dragon Slayer to the ground with the force of a train crashing into him and glued him there, smothering his flames in an instant. Then Natsu's entire world became itching, searing pain and terror as the carpet of spiders his flames had been keeping at bay surged forward, covering him and biting him mercilessly while he struggled against the webbing that poured fear into his soul every second it touched him.

As Natsu's vision began to fade, he saw the Shadow Spider peering down at him, _I'm sorry, everybody…_

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**LATER**

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Let it be known that I normally _like _hummingbirds. They're tiny, adorable and I like their colors, plus their ability to hover is very neat. I also normally like _most _birds. Birds had never done anything bad to me.

_I was now being subjected to a very thorough attempt to change my mind on the subject._

Not enough that there was _another _one of those huge Shadow Monsters which came after me. Nope, _ONE _wasn't enough. I was now being chased by _three _dragon sized birds, one of which was clearly supposed to be a humming bird with glowing blue green eyes that had wings that sounded like a helicopter and could fly and maneuver like one to boot. That was the first one to arrive.

The second one was acting like a pelican…a pelican capable of biting the tops off mountains and spitting them at me like artillery fire. Thankfully its rounds _were _susceptible to my portals, I guess the tentacles hadn't made it to the mountain tops yet. The _bad _part was that even when I redirected them to smack these monster birds in the face _point blank_, it didn't help, and unlike the boulders or the Shadow Giant, they _were _immune to my portals. They just went right through them like the hole in space time wasn't there, so I couldn't even try portal cuts or binding.

The real bugger though was that damn heron. It was perched on a mountaintop and didn't fly around, but the thing's neck had to be a mile long, and it could shoot its beak out like a sky scraper sized arrow. I'd almost gotten knocked out of the air the first time it did it, and it had a better success rate for trying to hit me than either of the other two. It got a lot closer and was a _lot _better at predicting my movements.

As I swooped and dove and rocketed around through the sky trying to dodge around the mammoth avian horrors, trying desperately to come up with a plan, I could only hope that the others were having a better time than I was.

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"What do we do now?" Happy asked in a very small voice as he and Miguel sat atop a mountain overlooking the city of gold, now all but covered in the spider's webs and writhing darkness. Only the city center was still visible beneath the stormy sky, and it hung in mid-air over a massive gaping pit with cobwebs slung between the massive chains that anchored it to the surrounding earth. Waterfalls poured into the massive void that led to who knew where from the surrounding mountaintops, and from the center of the floating island rose a massive parody of a tree, wreathed in darkness and glowing with lines of charcoal gray that seemed bright compared to the roiling darkness that comprised it. Its branches reached skyward like gnarled fingers, spewing virulent darkness into the sky like the thick, choking smoke from a mighty bonfire.

It was obvious now what had been causing the cloud bank that covered the entire region, and it was horrifying. "I'm not sure even Gildarts could break that…" Happy muttered fearfully, "And we haven't seen or heard anything from Erza or Jerry. I don't know where those guys took Natsu and Gajeel and I don't know where Lucy and Levy are."

"Well Happy," Miguel declared in a surprisingly upbeat voice, "It may not be much, but I do have _one _idea."

Happy looked up at him, "You do?"

Miguel smiled politely as he nodded, "Yeees, _how about we run away from this fuck off huge bird looking at us like we're dinner?!"_

It was at this point as Miguel frantically pointed it out that Happy noticed the immense red eyes staring at them and turned almost as white as his wings in terror. In the blink of an eye, he had snatched Miguel up and flown out from beneath the beak of the titanic Shadow Bird that had somehow gotten right behind them to tower over them menacingly, almost like it was waiting for them to notice it before it attacked.

Its head snapped up, and with a scream like a million nails on a giant chalkboard that almost knocked Happy from the air, it spread its wings and took to the air after them with a flap like a thunderclap. "_WE'RE SO SCREEEWED!"_ Happy screamed.

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"_NONONONONONONO!" _Erza shouted as she shot through the sky like a comet on the enchanted wings of her Black Wing Armor, "_NO TENTACLES UNLESS THEY'RE ATTACHED TO SOMEBODY I LIKE! AND PROBABLY NOT EVEN THEN!"_

The writhing mass of tentacles shooting up from the jungle floor like a hail of javelins attempting to snatch her from the air paid her protests no heed, if anything trying even harder to catch her as they sensed her fear of what they'd do to her. For every tentacle she cut down with her holy-element imbued sword which had proven the most effective weapon in her considerable arsenal by far, a dozen more surged forward from the stumps.

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Lucy stirred for a moment before her eyes flickered open in the dark gray not-light and writhing pale blue glow. She attempted to make sense of what she was seeing as the strange tickling sensation all over her legs and arms continued. There was some sort of wall in front of her made of varying shades of darkness, with even the poorly lit ground seeming bright next to it. There was a glowing blue…was that a jellyfish?... next to it, and a woman standing before her.

The voice that reached her ears a moment later as the woman in the headdress noticed she was awake was like the sensation of spiders crawling down her spine as Lucy heard, "Sssooo you're finally awake little star witch…" Then the woman laughed and Lucy knew beyond any shadow of a doubt she was in trouble.

Then the woman raised her hand with a malicious grin and dangled something that glowed faintly golden and silver in the dim light. Lucy's eyes went wide, "MY KEYS! GIVE THOSE BACK!"

The woman's grin only grew as she threw them into the air, and a sound like rocks crashing together erupted overhead, drawing Lucy's attention to the mammoth dog shaped monstrosity wreathed in shadows as it snapped up the keys. Its horrible orange eyes bored pure fear into Lucy's soul as it met her gaze and growled while the woman laughed, "Whoops! Cluuumsy meee…"

Then Lucy jumped as she heard Levy scream. Her head whipped around and she saw Levy wrapped in tentacles and held off the floor just like she was, only the tentacles had covered considerably more of Levy's body.

The woman chuckled, "Oh yes, your connection to the star demons is making your body much tougher to overtake for my darling beasty, but your friend had no such defense. She'll cave soon, and then she'll be my puppet, just like aaall the others."

She surged upwards on a tentacle that erupted out of the ground to ferry her up right into Lucy's face, and as she did, Lucy got her first good look at the decrepit _corpse _of a woman. The woman's breath was like rancid carrion and her pallid skin was more wrinkled than any prune. Bones jutted and blood vessels bulged against the skin stretched over her ancient frame, but her eyes were still alive and full of madness and hate as she ran a bony hand over Lucy's cheek purring, "But don't feel left out, soon you'll be my slave too little star witch. By all means though," her horrid prune of a face split in something that had to be her version of a smile, "_Struggle and scream all you like, because nobody's coming to help you this time._"

And as terror seized Lucy's heart while the tentacles surged across her skin and began to sting and burn like ribbons of hornets, she did scream. She screamed a _LOT._

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**The stage is now set, the villain's revealed.**

**Who can say now what next week will yield?**


	34. Ch29: Paradise Lost

**AN: _Hey everybody! Welcome back, sorry it's a little bit of a short chapter this week, but I think it's epic enough to make up for it since I managed to get both the scenes that inspired this entire arc into it._**

_**Before we get to that though, as always...Reviewer Replies!**_

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_**Raidentensho: **What makes you think there's only ONE trump card?_

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**_Well that was quick...ONWARD!_**

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**Chapter 29: Paradise Lost**

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"Hey! Gajeel! Wake up!" Gajeel came to with his head feeling full of cotton. He tried to blink away the unusually stubborn fog over his eyes and only after a good eye rub did the pink blob solidify into Natsu.

Then he looked around and had to ask, "Uh, Natsu, where are we?"

"It's a party Gajeel!" Natsu exclaimed happily as he bit a chunk of flames off one of the torches he was holding. "I don't know what they're saying but they're super happy to see us! All the fire I can eat! I told 'em you like iron so they went and got some!"

Gajeel looked down at the pile of iron tools, chains, plates, goblets and everything else he could think of, "I see that!"

Then a pretty girl with dusky brown skin and coal black hair whose hair made her look a bit like Levy popped up over the edge of the raised platform they were on, "Is their anything else their holiness requires?"

Gajeel sat up and noted her shockingly blue eyes, "Yeah, an explanation would be good. Where are we and what's this holiness business?"

She looked at him in surprise, "Didn't Lord Natsu tell you? You are in Mattachu my lord! It is only right and proper that we give our gods praise! Would you like more wine? Meat? Lord Natsu says you like iron? Me?" She blushed and covered her mouth, clearly surprised with herself that she let that last one slip.

Gajeel took a second to process that. He felt like there was something he should be remembering, but food was food, and he _was _hungry so… He laughed, "Sure! Bring the food and the wine, I got iron right here!"

The girl beamed, "Right away my lord!"

She disappeared and Gajeel pulled himself to his feet, walking over to the edge of the platform as Natsu declared, "Take a look bro, I've never seen anything like it!"

"Whoa…" Gajeel breathed as he took in the sight of the City of Gold. The name was no lie, every surface gleamed with gold reflecting moon and fire light in the city cradled between the mountains. The sky was clear overhead and the stars shone like diamonds as the moon smiled down. There were a dozen large buildings scattered around the city made of consecutively smaller layers as they went up, not quite pyramids, more like immense layered cakes. Smaller, blocky buildings in neat rows composed the rest of the city, all except for the city center, and shining electric blue garlands were draped over every edge.

In the center of the city was a massive gaping void, perfectly round with a dozen shimmering silver waterfalls pouring into it. Even at this distance, Gajeel could easily hear the steady roar of the falls. Floating in midair over the void was a large platform of glowing white stone, tethered to the earth surrounding it by immense golden chains. Unless Gajeel missed his guess, every single link of the chains was as thick as a hundred year old tree. Growing from the center of the stone and surrounded by a gleaming golden palace, grew a massive tree.

The tree was bigger than anything Gajeel had ever seen, and looked as though a fully grown dragon could easily roost in it. The whole thing seemed to glow with a light all its own, and its presence was such that Gajeel almost missed the immense crimson bird flying away in the distance.

Then Natsu spoke up, "So what did she say?"

Gajeel looked over his shoulder, "Huh? Weren't you listening? She said they think we're gods and they're throwin' a party for us."

Natsu froze and then started laughing, "US? GO-MMMPH?"

Gajeel had lunged across the platform to slap his hand over Natsu's mouth. He raised a finger to his lips, and then in a voice so quiet that none but a dragon slayer would hear, "Shut yer gob an' think fer a second. If they think we're gods then they'll give us good stuff. They might even give us enough o' this gold ta pay off yer debts!" Natsu's eyes went wide and a mischievous light entered them as Gajeel continued, "But if they find out we ain't, then they prob'ly ain't gonna take it too well are they?"

Natsu thought about it for a moment and then winced as Gajeel nodded, "That's right, so keep yer gob shut and help me sell this. If nothin' else, we gotta find out where Levy and Lucy are remember?"

Natsu's eyes went wide and all the color drained out of his face. Gajeel scoffed lightly in mild disgust, "No wonder Blondie don' like ya. Are ya this careless on regular missions too? How did ya completely ferget yer partner's missin? We still dunno what that big damn spider out front was, and we still dunno where those guys with the freaky eyes went. Erza, Jerry, Miguel and that cat o' yers are still out there dealin' with who knows what. We gotta ham it up with these locals until we can find out where Levy and Lucy are and save 'em, then we gotta go find the others an' make sure they're okay too. Understand?" Natsu nodded, his face still clearly contorted with terror for his friends and shame at having so obviously completely forgotten them in face of the luxury and splendor around them.

Gajeel nodded, pulled his hand back and stuffed a torch into Natsu's mouth, "Good. Now eat this and get your God face on. Act like nothing's wrong and everything's great. We just gotta go along with whatever comes up until we can find the girls. If it helps, think of it as a giant prank to save our friends."

A few minutes later, the dark haired girl was back, still smiling broadly, "My lords?"

"Yeah what's up?" Natsu asked brightly, his previous cheerful demeanor seemingly returned as Gajeel breathed a sigh of relief in his head.

"The High Priestess is holding a great festival in the plaza at the foot of the Great Tree," the girl explained, "We would be deeply honored if you would attend!"

"Sure! I like parties!" Natsu exclaimed delightedly.

"Great!" the girl clapped her hands with her smile grown even bigger and brighter, "I'll go get the procession lined up!"

A few minutes later, Natsu and Gajeel strolled down the steps from the high altar they'd been seated on top of as music, cheers and smiling faces greeted them. Gajeel knew it was probably a trap, but as the cheerful music washed over him, he felt a familiar urge. He lifted a hand to his chin and grinned, "I hardly think I'm qualified, to come across all sanctified, I just don't cut it with the cherubiiim…"

Natsu laughed, "Gajeel bro what are you talking about?!"

Gajeel grinned as he knew Natsu had caught on, "There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze, which rather suits us in the interiiim…

"The interim, the interim, it's me and him! Oh my goood…." Natsu sang along before he and Gajeel threw their arms over each others shoulders…

_"IT'S TOUGH TO BE A GOD!_

_Tread where mortals have not trod!_

_Be deified, when really, you're a sham…_

_Be an object of devotion, be the subject of psaaalms…_

_It's a rather touching notion, all those prayers and those salaams!_

_And who am I to bridle, if I'm forced to be an idol?_

_If they say that I'm a god, that's what I aaam!_

And off they went through the city, singing and dancing along as the parade wound its way through the city, unwittingly leading them to the site of something truly horrific.

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* * *

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TEN MINUTES EARLIER

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* * *

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"WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" Lucy screamed as her skin crawled and burned.

Almost immediately the stinging stopped and Lucy warily opened her eyes to see a look of absolute _joy_ spread itself across the old crone's face. _There is something profoundly weird about seeing someone who looks like they should be several hundred years old light up with excitement like a child on Christmas morning,_ Lucy thought.

"I'M! SO! GLAD! YOU! ASKED!" the hag squealed delightedly, actually bouncing in place a little before turning and _sprinting _off into the shadows with a speed and agility that someone in that shape should not have had. There was a fair bit of shuffling, the sound of something very heavy being shoved into place, and then the glowing jellyfish lifted itself high into the air, with a curtain wrapped around its tentacles to keep the light low. Lucy's eyes narrowly picked out the shape of two shadowy figures with faintly glowing eyes riding up on the jellyfish as the glow around her and Levy faded considerably.

Then, just as darkness was rushing into fill the room, a soft string of notes from a piano cut through the darkness and the Jellyfish's glow was allowed to shine down on the crone like a spotlight. With her clearly flower inspired headdress and dark green robes now easily visible, she spoke in a soft voice that carried easily through the silence. Lucy couldn't help but stare at how different the hag's voice suddenly was as she began…

_"When a woman acquires a certain age,_

_And the men who adored you no longer swoon…_

_It pays to avoid the sunlit days,_

_And live by the light of the kindly moon._

Even at a distance, Lucy could pick out the mournful expression on the hag's face and a part of her knew beyond any shadow of a doubt: This woman had once been a great beauty. The old woman sighed regretfully and cast her gaze up at the cloud covered sky,

_"But the moon grows old, just like us all,_

_And her beautiful years are done,_

_So now she praaays, through endless days…_

The woman's expression twisted into something cold and sinister that sent shivers down Lucy's spine as her tone suddenly changed,

_To take, **her revenge, ON THE SUN.**_

The piano suddenly kicked up the pace as an unseen band began to play a surprisingly upbeat jazzy tune and the tentacles of the Jellyfish lit up to bathe the plaza in eerie blue light, revealing dozens of men with glowing eyes waiting in position around the hag as the lights came up to act out the scene as she sang.

_When I was a girl at my daddy's side,_

_Papa the royal mortician,_

_Revealed to me in secret signs,_

_The mark of a magician!_

_And daddy was no dummy!_

_Did OUTRAGEOUS things with a mummyyy…_

Lucy couldn't help but cringe and hold back an urge to vomit at the implications the dancers were making about just exactly what those outrageous things had been.

_And often the stiffs that he would thrive,_

**_Would look better dead than they did alive!_**

The hag didn't care though and kept on singing, obviously enjoying herself immensely as she began to dance and strut across the plaza like it was the grandest stage.

_I studied well, I learned the trade,_

_I thought my looks would never fade!_

Her dance brought her to a large stone table lined with vials and mixing implements which she began to pour and mix with a theatrical flair to the point that she was all but juggling the vials and beakers as she danced and sang.

_If I could find that recipe,_

_To give eternal youth to me!_

_It was always my ambition,_

_To use Papa's tuition,_

_And gain some small remission_

_From the vagaries of time!_

She slammed her fist down on the table and her face looked like she wanted to snarl,

_But every little ray of sunshine…_

**_Robbed me of my youth!_**

_Who to blame, who the one,_

_Who to **curse?**_

Her head snapped up with a maniacal glint evident in her eyes even from across the plaza,

_You know the only one to blame would have to be my enemy_

**_THE SUN._**

The dancers suddenly began dancing towards a large stone pit full of dark liquid that Lucy hadn't noticed in the low light and the hag danced along with them, an ominously foaming vial in one hand and a stone knife in the other as several of the dancers drew what looked like massive jagged stone swords and formed a line at the raised end of the pool.

_SNUUUFF OUT THE LIGHT!_

_Claim your right,_

**_To a WORLD OF DARKNESS!_**

_Snuuuff out the light!_

_Neophytes,_

_Of a **WORLD OF DARKNESS!**_

Lucy's eyes went wide and she went to scream as the first of the dancers knelt before the line of swordsmen. The hag dumped the beaker into the pool and that was the signal for the swords to fall.

A tentacle shoved its way into Lucy's open mouth to gag her and silenced her scream as the first wave of brainwashed dancers was decapitated and shoved into the pool which suddenly took on a reddish hue. Lucy could only watch in horror as the dancers flowed across the plaza in droves to be slaughtered like sheep a dozen at a time. The pool glowed brighter with every fresh wave of bodies, but for all the corpses falling into it, the surface of the pool remained completely still and smooth like a piece of glass.

All the while the song played on and the hag sang at the edge of the pool dancing along with her puppets in a horrifically coordinated choreography…

_Supai baby turn me on,_

_Every wrinkle soon be gone!_

_I could squeeeeze myself with glee,_

_The promises you've made to me!_

_I've really stopped at nothing,_

**_Murder treachery and LYING!_**

**_WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP MY LOOKS!_**

_You really can't blame a girl for trying…_

And it was evident even from across the plaza as the crone struck a pose that she truly believed the horrific slaughter she was conducting was indeed not only justified but perfectly understandable. Lucy silently swore to herself as she watched the sickening display that she would NEVER obsess or even worry overly much about her looks ever again. Meanwhile, the awful chorus just sang on.

**_SNUUUFF OUT THE LIGHT!_**

_Claim your right,_

**_To a WORLD OF DARKNESS!_**

_Snuuuff out the light!_

_Neophytes,_

_Of a **WORLD OF DARKNESS!**_

_Oh god, is she…she's NOT…_ Lucy thought as the hag began to shimmy in a very distinct way. Then she scrunched her eyes tight as the hag's robe fell away, _She is._

**_SNUUUFF OUT THE LIGHT!_**

_Claim your right,_

**_To a WORLD OF DARKNESS!_**

**_SNUUUUUFF OUT THE LIGHT,_**

**_HERE TONIIIIIGHT!_**

Lucy opened her eyes as she heard a splash and the glowing eyed backup singers and executioners took the final verse, the hag disappeared except for the ripples in the otherwise eerily still and now glowing crimson lake,

_Apparitions of eternal darkness_

_Spiraling in circles through the night_

_Creatures of beguiling blackness_

_No more squinting in the light!_

_Bats and owls and coiled dark dragons,_

_Crocodiiile and carrion beast!_

_Swirling in the growing darkness,_

_JOIN US IN THE COMING FEAST!_

_SPECTRE WRAITH AND APPARITION,_

_SPIRIT, DEMON, PHANTOM, SHADE!_

_SALAMANDER, SERPENT, DOG FACED DEVIL!_

Lucy's eyes went wide as she suddenly spotted Natsu and Gajeel dancing towards the pool and she began to scream their names as best she could around the tentacle in her mouth. Then a figure erupted out of the pool and Lucy saw that the hag had been transformed by the glowing red liquid. When she entered, she had been a vile wreck of time ravaged flesh. Now as she emerged, wearing the glowing crimson liquid like a long evening gown and conducting the final verse of the song with a huge grin, she was young and limber once more. Her frazzled white hair was now dark and silky as it cascaded down around her glowing red eyes and gorgeous face, and her limbs and figure were as full and healthy as Lucy or even Mirajane's.

**_DANCE AND WATCH THE DYING SUNLIGHT FADE!_**

Then, just before Natsu and Gajeel could make it to the line of executioners, in desperation, Lucy bit off the tentacle gagging her, spat it out and screamed with every ounce of air she had, "**_NAAAAAATSUUUUUUUU!_**"

Natsu suddenly jerked like he had been slapped as the illusion shattered around him, and then he looked around frantically until his eyes lit on Lucy. For an instant, Natsu looked afraid. Then he smacked Gajeel with a flaming fist, "FOUND 'EM!" and dove into action, charging the tentacles holding Lucy and Levy in the air, igniting his entire body as he went.

In a blazing flash, he reached the base of the tentacles and wrapped them in a massive bear hug. Lucy felt the heat immediately begin to scorch her even from thirty feet in the air as no matter how horribly the tentacles stung him, Natsu burned white hot and his roar filled her ears, "**_LET! THEM! GOOOOO!_**"

Lucy felt the tentacles go slack and just as she was starting to fall, what felt like a massive iron bar slammed into her gut and snatched her backwards.

It drove the wind out of her, but then she caught her breath and realized it had been Gajeel snatching her and Levy clear before the tentacles could recover their grip as they landed on a terrace and Gajeel turned and yelled, "NATSU! COME ON! WE NEED TO REGROUP!"

Even as Lucy turned her gaze back to where she knew Natsu was, a massive serpent made of the bloody substance in the pool shot into the air and slammed down on the howling fireball. Steam filled the area and then the serpent shot back, dragging its flaming mouthful with it as Natsu tried to beat his way loose. Before Lucy could even cry out, Natsu had been dragged under.

The witch laughed as she strode across the surface of the blood pool, her eyes locked on the three wizards atop the terrace, "A valiant effort Iron Dragon, but too little, too late. Soon your friend will dissolve and become fuel for my power. Don't worry though, soon you'll be…"

"**_I KNEW IT!"_** Levy shrieked in pure unbridled fury. Everyone turned and Gajeel and Lucy blinked as they saw her holding a multicolored puzzle cube, her eyes locked on it as she trembled with absolute fury. Levy's face was ghostly pale with rage and as she looked up, Lucy was suddenly one hundred percent certain that Levy did indeed not have a single mean bone in her body. She had _murderous ones._

"I just lost a tenth of an IQ point…" Levy declared quietly, but in the surprised silence that had fallen in wake of her furious shriek, she might as well have shouted it. Then her gaze snapped up, her hand snapped back and in a blaze of blinding white light, "**_SOLID SCRIPT SHINE!"_ **formed and became a javelin in her hand. A flash of movement later, the shining spear shot across the plaza and slammed into the Jellyfish where it hung overhead.

The Jellyfish promptly exploded.

Everyone gawked for a second, then the witch turned back to her and started laughing, "Blow up the center as many times as you like, as long as even a shred of the Mind Reaver's tentacles remain, it will always regener-_ATE?!"_ She was cut off by the tentacles suddenly exploding as well.

Levy's grin right then was something truly frightening as her hands started to glow, "I'm sorry, were you saying something? I couldn't hear you over the sound of…" **BOOM!** "Oh come on!" Levy snapped, "Let me have my badass moment!"

The gate to the plaza on the right, which nobody had really been paying attention to, had just been knocked off its hinges by the giant Shadow Wolf that had devoured Lucy's keys. Said wolf had just been thrown _through _the gate. The Shadow Wolf landed in a heap with a whimper as people with their eyes now clear of the blue glow that had indicated their enslavement to the Jellyfish scattered clear of it. The Shadow Wolf skidded right to the edge of the pool, suddenly dissolving into a flurry of fleeing shadows as a heavily armored blonde figure strode through the gate, seven glowing lacrima circling behind her and a massive sword in hand.

"I believe these are yours Ms. Heartfilia!" Her free hand snapped out and something whizzed through the air towards Lucy.

Lucy only narrowly managed to catch, "MY KEYS!" she exclaimed delightedly.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" the witch demanded, a twinge of fear starting to show on her face.

The blonde lifted her sword and pointed it at the witch, "I am Dimaria Yesta, last Paladin of Mildian and Caretaker of the Seven Great Gods who watch over it. More importantly though," she grinned viciously, "_I'm the reinforcements._"

A moment passed and then the witch's face split in a fearsome grin, "Well then, as High Priestess of Mattachu, let me formally welcome you Final Paladin of Mildian. Here, allow me to bequeath you a parting gift in the form of an opponent you will never defeat!" She suddenly leapt into the air and hung there over the pool of blood, "Now that I have the power of over a thousand souls, I can resummon the Guardians of Apollo at will! Even if you could defeat them now, no matter how many times you defeat them, they will always return anew, and on top of that…" She thrust her hand towards the blood pool, "**_RISE! RISE YOU FALLEN BONES OF MATTACHU! DEFEND YOUR MISTRESS!"_**

The bloody pool suddenly erupted, hundreds of blood drenched skeletons flying into the air to land on their feet around the plaza and start shambling forward at alarming speeds with their hands outstretched. Gajeel, Levy and Dimaria immediately began fighting and Lucy's summoning was drowned out by the suddenly thunderous voice of the witch as she began to invoke her summoning…

_"I call upon thee O Champion of Apollo_

_Charge in headlong and fearless against all my foes!_

_Heed my call now for the battle begins,_

_Your power tonight the battle shall win,_

_Carve into history so they will never forget,_

_Glory is waiting! The stage is now set!_

_Heed my call now for the battle begins,_

_I call now thy name!_

_LEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOY…"_

**_JEN! KINS!_**

Thundered the massive shadow giant that had assaulted Base Camp as it ripped its way free of the shadows surrounding the Tree, now almost twice the size and bulk it had been at Base Camp.

Lucy didn't hear it though, she had fainted from the sudden and titannic drain on her magic to summon…

"**MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **with an earth shaking sound like mountains being ripped in half, a mighty wind began to roar…

The Bull of Heaven Gugalanna walked the earth once more.

.

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_**NEXT TIME! on Mad Little Slice of Heaven...**_

_**...**_

_"My parents?" Erza asked curiously, "Absolutely nothing, I'm an orphan." __Then her eyes went wide with shock, "Wait! Are you saying you know something?!"_

_Master Precht nodded and patted the bench he had just conjured, "I believe so. Sit down child."_

_Her heart in her throat, Erza sat, wondering what secrets the Second Guild Master might be about to reveal._


	35. Chapter 30: Heritage

**AN: _Hey everybody, guess nobody felt an urge to comment on last week's chapter. I'm going to hope that was because you wanted this week's opening to be short and not because you're too sick to read. Stay safe and healthy everybody!_**

**_But for now, enjoy the chapter! :D_**

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**...**

**Chapter 30: Heritage**

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==ONE MONTH EARLIER==

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* * *

Erza stood still while Master Precht laid his hand on her head to examine her the way he had Jerry. It was still such complete and utter madness to think that Jerry had been operating on the verge of Magic Deficiency Syndrome. It was absurd to think that someone so strong had actually been so weak, but Master Precht had proven it by enabling him to access a level of power that had made her hair stand on end just being near him. Now Master Precht's lone eye was growing wider and wider as it seemed to peer into her very soul. Erza couldn't help but wonder as the silence grew, Is my magic that restrained as well?

Master Precht lifted his hand away and conjured a stone bench to sit down, leaning his staff onto his shoulder as he sat and putting one hand on his chin to think. Erza stood, patiently and expectantly waiting for his verdict. After a moment, Master Precht looked up at her, "Erza, tell me, what do you know of your parents?"

"My parents?" Erza asked curiously, "Absolutely nothing, I'm an orphan." Then her eyes went wide with shock, "Wait! Are you saying you know something?!"

Master Precht nodded and patted the bench he had just conjured, "I believe so. Sit down child." Her heart in her throat, Erza sat, wondering what secrets the Second Guild Master might be about to reveal.

Master Precht turned his gaze up to the sky, "You may or may not know, but the reason I left the guild was to go out and search on my own for the origins of magic, to strip away all pretext and impurity and see it for what it truly is. In the process I studied and learned many forms of magic, searching for a common point to act as a key for my study. My search has led me all over the world. I've spoken with the greatest minds I could seek out and poured over tomes of magic so ancient that I had to reinforce the pages with magic to keep them from crumbling at the slightest touch."

He took a breath, "One of the magics I took a particular interest in even before I left on my journey was that of Dragon Slaying Magic. At its core, it is a shockingly simple enchantment, to change the nature of a human to that of a dragon. It's been applied to other beings as well, gods and demons and who knows what else. I actually once read a tome on God Slaying magic that I later entrusted to the current head of the Magic Council. It's a fascinating form of magic and I have discovered that it is the key to virtually limitless magic power."

Erza started slightly at the revelation, "Limitless…?"

Master Precht nodded, "Yes. It's the key to revolutionizing the entire magic world as we know it should it be used properly. Your friends Jerry Granger and Levy McGarden have already begun working on a way to turn Jerry's ability to consume light into a virtually infinite source of magic."

"That's incredible! Why haven't they told anyone?!" Erza demanded, _with infinite power I could save everyone!_

"Likely for the same reason I haven't," Master Precht responded quietly, "While there are certainly many good things that could be done with infinite power, there are also many who would use such a power for ill. Such a power source could and very likely _would _spark a war the likes of which hasn't been seen in centuries to control it."

Erza flinched and suddenly nightmarish images of what any dark wizard would do with unlimited power, what manner of horrors they could cook up, the mountains of bodies they might produce... She went slightly pale, "You make a very good point."

Master Precht nodded, "But rather off topic nevertheless." Erza looked up at him in surprise and he continued, "In my search for the workings of dragon slayer magic and its offshoots, I found a centuries old text detailing the origins of dragon slaying magic. I was able to learn much from it, and it eventually led to my discovery of the tome on God Slaying Magic and everything I've learned on the matter since." He suddenly pulled the book from an extradimensional pocket, "This is that book."

He gently handed it to her, "My apprentice Ultear was able to restore it to peak condition with her magic, so it won't crumble at a touch, but please do still treat it with care. It's one of my most treasured possessions."

Erza gingerly accepted the priceless tome and read the title, "A History of Dragnof?"

Master Precht nodded and with a gentle flick of his hand, the book flipped itself open to reveal, "Specifically, I'm referring to its last queen and her lifelong advisor, the dragon Belserion. It was through their efforts that Dragon Slaying magic was brought into existence to aid their nation in the great dragon war now known as the Dragon King Festival."

Erza stared at the portrait and all the color started draining from her face as suspicion started growing, the puzzle pieces clicking together in her head rapid fire, "M-master…what are you implying?"

"Shortly after the war ended," Master Precht told her quietly, "Queen Irene, the woman you see there, was overtaken by one of the horrific side effects of prototypical Dragon Slayer magic, which can still plague modern Slayers of any sort. Due to her vast overuse of her Dragon attribute during the war, she _became _a dragon herself."

Erza's head snapped up to meet his forlorn gaze. He nodded, "Before her transformation was complete, the whole kingdom turned on her in fear wrought by the dragon slayer who singlehandedly ended the war and pushed dragon kind to the brink of extinction. They were afraid she would become an unstoppable rampaging monster like him, and after three years of horrific persecution which I am temporarily blotting out of this book for the sake of your mental health, refusing the whole time to lash out against her people and insisting that she was human," The book suddenly glowed in Erza's hands as Master Precht continued, "she transformed fully when informed of her pending execution. As a fully grown dragoness, she obliterated the entire capitol city in a single attack and flew away to parts unknown, still desperately screaming that she was human."

Erza felt slightly ill as she looked back down at the happily smiling woman and dragon in the picture. Master Precht let his words hang in the air for a moment and then continued, "There's…one other oddity about her tale which I'm afraid is _very _relevant."

"That's my mother, isn't it?" Erza asked quietly.

Master Precht took a deep breath, "Your body is under an immensely powerful enchantment, almost a _reverse _Dragon Slaying enchantment by the look of it. What's…under it…" he trailed off.

"Are you saying that I'm actually a dragon?" Erza asked quietly.

"Half," Precht answered quietly, "Queen Irene swore up and down that she was pregnant, that she was holding her unborn child in stasis with magic to protect them. Her husband through political marriage who she claimed was the father swore equally fervently that they had never consummated their union. It bears noting that the dragon Belserion was not only her closest companion but also an _immensely _skilled user of magic in his own right. Judging by the resemblance you bear to Her Majesty, what I just found out, and the strength of the enchantment suppressing your draconic traits…" He trailed off and a decidedly heavy and uncomfortable silence filled the air.

Master Precht cleared his throat after a moment, "You actually have an _immense _latent potential for enchantment magic, I'd even go so far as to say you are naturally a _High _Enchantress, which is one of the most feared, versatile and formidable abilities in-"

"Do you think she's alive?" Erza asked quietly.

"Almost certainly," Master Precht answered quietly, "Very few things can even hurt a dragon, and Irene was by all accounts a master mage of titanic strength even before that. There are only a very small number of things I can think of which could even _hope _to hurt someone of her abilities."

"Then why…? Why would she abandon me?"

Master Precht thought his next words over very carefully as he noted the faint tremble in Erza's arms, "If I were to guess, she may still be stuck in draconic form. If she is, then she may have wanted you to be able to live a happy and normal life without the knowledge of her tragic tale or the burden of having to hide a fully grown dragon to mar it."

Erza was quiet for a moment and then, "The enchantment suppressing my draconic traits… do you think it could change her back if she's still stuck in dragon form? Can you teach it to me?"

Master Precht took a deep breath, held it for a moment while he thought and then, "It might. I would have to lift it partially to look at its underlying mechanics and discern its workings. Doing so will definitely grant me the insight I need to replicate it and teach you how to as well, but doing so might partially or even completely unravel it, and there is no way to know what effects that might have on you."

"Do it." Erza ordered firmly.

"But…"

"**_DO. IT._**" Erza repeated, the light in the gaze that rose to meet Precht's leaving no room for doubt that the young woman before him was a natural born royal.

Precht nodded and rose to his feet. There was no arguing with that tone, "Very well, please lie down here so that I may examine you."

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==THREE DAYS EARLIER==

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"It's as good as new," Jerry marveled as he put the card Erza had accidentally stripped of its enchantment through a number of trials and tested every function he could think of. Erza was sitting at the bar in the living room of the Card House while Jerry stood behind it to work on dinner.

Erza beamed, utterly delighted that her first attempt at enchanting something had worked perfectly. A moment later Jerry shuffled the card back into his deck and looked at her, "You said you can put that enchantment on _anything _now?"

Erza nodded proudly with a large smile, "Yep! Absolutely anything!"

"You do realize you could destroy the world with that right?" Jerry asked bluntly.

Erza's pride vanished in an instant as his words registered and she went suddenly very pale as she almost squeaked, "_What?!_"

Jerry blinked at her for a second, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as he muttered, "God you're cute…" then he shook his head and looked away, his blush even redder in wake of what had slipped out, "What I mean is that my cards can turn into iron hard shields or blades big enough to casually knock down entire buildings given enough momentum. I could _very easily _destroy a city with them and probably do it pretty quick. If you apply this enchantment to say, a pile of rocks? Then all of a sudden, you've got an entire _meteor storm _at your command. Not just that, a meteor storm which you can reuse as many times as you want because the rocks will jump at your command no matter how many times you slam them into the ground as fast as bullets the size of entire buildings. Even _one _shot like that would pack enough force to level a town if it hit."

Erza twitched slightly as her mind played out images of such an attack, "Your mind is a _very _frightening place Jerry…"

Jerry nodded with a small smile, "Thank you. I take that as a compliment."

"Why?" Erza asked warily. _Does he like it when people are afraid of him?_

"My mind is frightening to you, correct?" Jerry asked as he leaned over the bar and poked the side of his head. At Erza's careful nod, he pointed to her, "That means that my mind is formidable enough to frighten one of the most powerful wizards I've ever met. Basically, you just said that you think I'd be a formidable adversary because of my mental capabilities, which constitutes a very high compliment coming from someone as accomplished as yourself."

Erza's musing on that was cut short by Jerry asking, "Can you pull and replicate any enchantment like that?"

Alarm bells went off in Erza's head as he unwittingly trod very close to the truth of what her brief time with Master Precht had yielded, "In theory. It's something I learned from Master Precht."

Jerry laughed slightly as he turned back to his skillet, "That doesn't surprise me. That guy's amazing ain't he? Wish he had been able to stick around a bit longer," he mused, "If I had met him before joining the guild proper, I probably would've followed after him like a lost puppy begging him to teach me everything I could learn."

Erza's gaze snapped up to look at the back of his head as he offhandedly added, "I never could now though."

"Why's that?" Erza asked curiously.

"Mira." Jerry could've said a lot more, but the sheer affection he put into her name said everything he needed to.

Erza slid off the barstool, "I'm going to go lie down for a moment, please call me when dinner's done."

Jerry shot a glance over his shoulder, "You alright?"

Erza's back was to him, so he didn't see the look of absolute shame on her face, "Yeah. I'm fine. Just, going to go…practice my enchantments! Yeah, that's it! I wanna try adding an element to the enchantment I got from your cards!"

"Well…good luck, I guess. If you need me to send your dinner up to you, let me know."

"Thank you, I will."

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==A FEW HOURS EARLIER==

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_Really wishing now that I had actually been doing that!_ Erza thought angrily as she rocketed through the air, swerving and spinning desperately as the forest of tentacles stretched into the air with seemingly limitless reach. She'd tried flying out of reach, but even when almost at the ceiling of unnatural clouds, the tentacles had still been hot on her heels. Refusing to lose her sight while being pursued, she'd had to swoop back down and continue to try evading.

_If I live through this, I am enchanting the shit out of every single weapon and piece of armor I own! There will not be a single piece in my armory that hasn't got at least three enchantments on it! _Erza thought angrily as she realized upon sorting through her mental catalogue that the weapon in her hand was the only one she had that was actually imbued with Holy magic.

_Come on Erza THINK!_ She berated herself, screwing up her face in concentration, _How do I kill these things?!_

Then Jerry's words echoed in her mind, _You could destroy the world with that._

Erza's eyes widened and she raised her sword in front of her, a grin quickly growing on her face. She raised her free hand, _"Enchant!"_ The magic flowed out of her palm and quickly bound itself to the blade. It was still a strange sensation, almost like peeling away tape from her skin and feeling it as it stuck to the new surface, but as she felt it stick and the sword registered suddenly with her senses almost like a spare limb, she found that it was quickly becoming one of her favorite sensations.

She loosened her grip and willed the sword to fly along just out of her grip. It raised and hovered an inch from her now outspread palm, easily keeping pace with her. Erza was so focused that she was almost batted from the air as something suddenly flew through the air at her. She barrel rolled out of the way and upon a quick look around realized that she'd made it back to Base Camp. Base Camp was now overrun with the tentacles, and more pressingly, the people were standing in the street staring up at her with glowing blue eyes. Erza's gaze snapped back over her shoulder and she realized with horror that the thing that had just nearly knocked her from the air was a _person._

Said person was a heavyset old man that landed on a tentacle with agility far beyond what he should've been capable of. The tentacle immediately flexed and shot him back at her like an arrow from a bow. _SHIT! _Erza dropped and narrowly dodged the flying person as a fresh but shorter forest of tentacles erupted all across Base Camp. What seemed like half the town was perched on top of them and before Erza could try to come up with a solution, the glowing eyed puppets were suddenly all flung at her, hands outstretched and grabbing.

Erza shot upward and they slammed together, falling from the air with their gazes still locked on her despite their obvious injuries from the impact. They fell only a few meters before the tentacles lunged and caught them, starting to juggle them through the air with alarmingly good aim and a complete disregard for their victims in an attempt to hit her. _I have to get out of here before somebody gets killed!_

Then she realized that the entire valley was now writhing ahead of her with the tentacles. Fear streaked through her, and she hurled herself skyward, _I have to get high enough that they can't reach me! If I can get even a moment to breath I can win! They've put up this cloud cover, light must hurt them! If I can just break through the clouds…_

"_GYAAAAAAAAAAH!"_ she screamed as she flew face first into a wall of what felt like the same mind consuming terror as she'd felt when fighting the Shadow Monkey. In that single instant of shock, the telekinesis she'd been holding herself together with flickered, and all her wounds from the Monkey's attack returned with a vengeance, further shattering her concentration.

She plummeted back towards the ground and just as she spread the wings of her armor and caught herself, a tentacle slammed into her like an entire tree trunk. Erza shot through the air like a fly smacked out of the air.

It was hard to think, everything hurt. She could tell the wings on her armor had been broken by the skid on her back along the ground. She tried to focus through the pain, make her body move with her magic, but every fresh twitch was a new lance of pain jabbing through her. As she felt the tentacles start slithering across her skin, she desperately lashed out with her magic, "**_NO!_**"

The tentacles faltered for a moment and then continued their advance. Panic surged through Erza's mind as the tentacles began to probe the cracks in her armor, quickly taking advantage of the fact that it left much of her stomach bare to slide between her and the protective armor. The tentacles fizzled and hissed, burning against Erza's skin as they forced themselves on against the holy magic imbued in her armor. Then they suddenly turned rigid and Erza's breath hitched as she realized with horror that they were about to… _EEEEEECLANG!_

With the sound of tearing metal, the torso of the Black Wing Armor was torn apart at the joints and flung out of sight. Then the tentacles began attacking her armor in earnest, every touch stinging Erza and keeping her from concentrating as she felt her armor being made short work of. In what seemed like less than a minute, she had been stripped naked and the tentacles were starting to bind her in a vicious stinging grip. "_NONONONONO!"_

"GET THE HELL OFF HER!" A voice suddenly shouted. An instant later there was a burst of light and Erza's form was decidedly tentacle free. Erza forced her eyes open and tried to focus on the odd white blob hovering over her, "ERZA! ARE YOU OKAY?!"

Erza blinked, her brow furrowed in confusion. The color was wrong but that voice, "Serena?"

Serena breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh thank god, I was worried that they had gotten you too. Come on, Elric and I have set up a…" **_EEEEEEEEEEEK!_**

The whole world seemed to rattle as the Shadow Monkey suddenly leapt from the trees with an ear rending screech, its eyes blazing like green infernos of hate. The whole world seemed to rattle as it landed, towering over them like doom incarnate as the ringing in Erza's ears drowned out everything else.

"Oh I do _not _have the patience for you right now…" Serena snapped although Erza couldn't hear her as she had turned to stand between Erza and the Monkey. Serena raised her hand and shouted something Erza didn't catch and then… A flash of golden light later, there was an explosion and the whole world turned white.

Her ears ringing, her eyes suddenly blinded by light and her whole body racked with pain, Erza's mind finally declared it had had enough and shut down.

* * *

…

==PRESENT==

…

* * *

Erza jerked awake as an almighty explosion roared through the air. "Hey hey hey, easy now." Elric soothed as he laid a cool hand on her shoulder, "Take it easy, that's just Serena venting some frustrations."

Erza tried to sit up and briefly caught sight of a seemingly solid white figure with something very large and metallic in its hand arguing with a pink haired one. Her eyes were severely blurry and her ears were still ringing faintly. Elric gently pushed her back down, "Calm down. Miguel and Happy are almost to Jerry, and the others are together and it sounds like they're about to go apeshit on the person responsible for all this." He winced and shot a glance off to the side, "Oh yeah, Levy at least is _definitely _about to go apeshit."

"You're wizards…?" Erza managed to force out.

"We're undercover, don't ask me anything else about it," Elric told her sharply. Confusion still filled Erza's mind, but she let it drop.

The next order of business was, "Is everyone else alright?"

Elric nodded, "You've taken the worst beating by far. Every one of your ribs is at least fractured along with your nose being broken and several of your joints have been nearly forced out of socket. Your entire body is basically one gigantic bruise right now. You need to take it easy."

"Like hell I'll take it easy!" Erza snapped as she tried to sit up again, only for Elric to shove her right back flat with one hand.

"_Perhaps you didn't hear me,_" Elric mused icily, "Allow me to repeat myself. I said, _you just got fucking wrecked. STAY YOUR ASS DOWN AND TAKE A BREATHER BEFORE I SEDATE YOU WITH SOMETHING THAT WOULD KNOCK A DRAGON ON ITS ASS,_" he snarled.

Erza immediately stopped trying to get up. That tone and glare were much too similar to Porlyusica for her to consider arguing a good plan.

"What about my armor?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," Serena declared as she walked over and sat down on Erza's other side, "It was a choice between carrying you to safety or stopping to gather up the shredded pieces of your armor that had been scattered all over the place."

Erza grimaced, _That was one of my favorite sets…_ "It's alright, I can put it back into my Requip Space no matter where it is. Am I allowed to use magic?"

Elric crossed his arms and nodded, "As long as you hold still. With your ribs in that condition, you don't need to be moving around."

Erza nodded, "Alright." She reached out with her magic and exhaled as she felt the pieces of her Black Wing Armor flash back into her Requip Space. Then she furrowed her brows slightly and with a clattering crash of metal, the broken pieces tumbled to the ground in a pile nearby. "This may seem like a strange request," Erza declared, "But I need you to hand me a piece of that."

"Why?" Elric asked cautiously.

"Speed up my recovery and help us fight those things if there are anymore of them," Erza declared, "I need to replicate the enchantment that grants that armor Holy properties and see if I can amplify them. If I can, then I'll be able to make short work of those tentacles."

Serena smirked, "No need to worry about those," she declared, "I got rid of them."

"But there are more of those big shadow monsters like the monkey," Elric declared as he got up and went to select a piece of the ruined armor, "So any advantage we can get is a good thing."

A moment later, he handed Erza her gauntlet and Erza got to work, ignoring the confused looks from Elric and Serena as she angrily bit the gauntlet and felt an understanding of the enchantment flow into her along with the surge of magic that flooded her exhausted body with strength. _Next time, _she thought grimly, _I won't lose. Hang on everyone, I'll be there soon._

_..._

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_Gajeel's eyes went wide as the massive shadow took form, "Ohhh crap..."_

_The Shadow Dragon's glowing silver eyes locked onto him and Gajeel realized he was about to have to EARN his title as a Dragon Slayer._


	36. Ch31: The Battle of Mattachu

**AN: _Hmmm...once again, no comments for me to reply to this week. :^/_**

**_I hope it's not because this is getting too boring to comment on..._**

**_Oh well. In other news, as you can tell we are racing to the conclusion of this arc, and we'll be getting back to our regularly scheduled Fairy Tail mayhem just in time for Easter. We're even getting there a week earlier than planned, so Happy Easter in advance! (unless you don't celebrate Easter in which case have a chocolate bunny anyway because they are tasty. If you can't eat chocolate...you poor soul...{sympathetically pats you on back})_**

**_As always, I hope everyone is staying healthy (or home if not) and enjoy the chapter! _**

**_IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL!_**

**...**

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**...**

**Chapter 31: The Battle of Mattachu**

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* * *

…

==MEANWHILE…==

…

"Look!" Miguel shouted, "Up there! Those lights! That must be Jerry!" His words were almost lost in the wind screaming past them as he and Happy rocketed through the air, but Happy's ears narrowly caught them. Even if they hadn't, he would've drawn the same conclusion about the streak of golden light writhing through the air with bolts of the same light shooting off from it every second or two and the ensuing explosions.

"YEAH WITH TWO MORE OF THOSE MONSTER BIRDS!" Happy screamed back as he saw the massive shadows whirling through the explosions. Suddenly the world shifted around them and Miguel threw his feet down as the ground appeared a few feet below them, Happy immediately pulling up to a stop in confusion.

"Both of you stay down and stay quiet," I ordered under my breath from where I was meditating, "They haven't noticed you yet, but if they do before I finish then we're going to have to run again. Catch your breath while you can."

"What are you doing? Do you have a way to stop them?" Miguel asked quietly.

"I said _shush_. I'm trying to find that out myself," I snapped as I cracked one eye open to glare, "Whoever put this memory block in my head knew what they were doing. If I hadn't been to the other side a few days ago I'd never have had a chance of cracking it. _Now shush so I can concentrate._"

Happy and Miguel shushed, which was a relief. Bad enough they'd brought another of those damn shadow monsters with them, but they were here themselves as well, which meant now I had even more riding on whatever was behind my mental block since their safety was now directly hinging upon my ability to beat those birds.

Thanks to Archive, I was able to visualize the inside of my mind. It wasn't an ability I'd used often, especially not to this extent since I'd never had a reason to. It was like standing on a vast tapestry of my memories. Maybe it would be better described as a film strip, a carpet? I could see everything that had ever happened to me, and I could, it wasn't quite like scrolling over it on a computer screen because I felt like I was walking down it, but that's very close. This also gave me a much better means to find and grapple with the block on my memories since now I could quite literally fight with its metaphysical manifestation.

The block was infinitely better than the ones on Gajeel and Natsu. Those had been like a piece of barely sticky tape on a wall, easy to simply reach and rip off. This was like someone had taken a tangled steel cord and stitched it into the fabric of the memories around it to make an ungodly tangled quilt of concealment. Even more disturbingly, now that I had found it and was able to observe it properly, there were strands of it obscuring things all the way back to the very beginning of my memories. Judging by the sheer scale of the block, someone had actually managed to completely conceal what looked like over _ten percent of my life before age twelve_.

The only clues I had were where it ended, which was the trip to Fuyuki that was almost completely hidden, and the blonde girl I'd seen. I was catching glimpses of her more frequently than anything else as I shoved and pulled at the block. Whoever she was, she'd been…_Mo…_ the name echoed through my mind as I heaved against one particularly stubborn cord of the tangled web that I'd caught a glimpse of her under. It startled me so much that I almost lost my grip on the cord.

I immediately hooked my elbow under it and then slid it up to my shoulder, wrapping my arms around the cord and straining with my legs and back to pull it loose. "Archive!" I growled through the exertion, and a glowing golden screen suddenly popped up to help hold the cable up. I panted slightly as the weight was lifted from my shoulder and then I manifested two more, one above the cable and one below. I grinned and made a sharp chopping motion. The screens scissored closed on the cable and after floating up above them to jump up and down on it, I finally managed to force my makeshift blades through the cable.

The instant I did, I was overwhelmed as memories erupted from the new hole in the block as a plethora of its fibers snapped loose like rubber bands breaking, blasting me like a firehose as massive amounts of the block suddenly unraveled. I was slammed out of my mind space and crashed back into my body. My eyes flew open as I remembered her, along with everything I'd learned from her, everything we'd done together, and all the longing to see her again. Tears sprung to my eyes as my heart hammered from the shock. Her words in the brief moment I'd been able to see her again suddenly made sense as I remembered the promise I'd made right before she disappeared.

"Are you alright?" Miguel whispered.

"Just remembered my first love," I replied as I scrubbed tears from my eyes with a sleeve and a grin. Even as the loss I'd felt when she left tore my heart anew, I couldn't help but smile as the hole she'd left quickly filled with memories and the knowledge that she was still waiting for me. "That was less than a fifth of the block. Hang on, I'm going back in." _Don't worry Mo-chan, I'll catch up soon._

**…**

* * *

**...**

**==TEN MINUTES LATER==**

**...**

* * *

**…**

The world shaking bellow shook me out of my mind space just as I managed to sever another cable and pulled the whole block unraveled. The ensuing flood of information into my mind that shook my very soul and altered my entire self-image combined with the surprise of the mountain sized "MOO!" was enough to make me furiously demand of nobody in particular to know exactly what the fuck.

Unfortunately, it also startled me bad enough that my autopiloted illusion fighting the Shadow Birds dissipated. Combined with my sudden shout, there was really only one logical outcome: Four giant shadow beaks immediately looking right straight at me, Miguel and Happy.

I climbed back to my feet and stepped in front of Miguel and Happy, my hands held out to my sides, "Who wants fried chicken?"

"You found a way to beat them?!" Miguel asked hopefully.

"Dunno but I've got a hunch. _Trace, ON._" I grinned as I felt my Archive and Earth Make fuse to extract steel from the surrounding earth and form two blades that were now familiar. I grinned as the twin short swords settled into my hands and a memory of another of my teachers flashed through my mind…

_There is a verse in Ecclesiastes which I believe mirrors what His Majesty taught you, _the white haired priest declared as he flipped open his bible to the verse in question, _In the future when you need to use a purification rite, you can use this as an incantation._ _Given the resonance it has with you, it should prove quite effective._

I grinned as I channeled my light magic down the blades, "This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: the same destiny overtakes all." I charged forward, spinning and deflecting the beak of the heron as it slammed into the ground where I'd been a split second before, then I opened portals to the ground to act as stepping stones as I raced up the side of its neck, dragging my blades through it and carving massive swaths of silver through the darkness with the Holy element I was channeling down my blades. I kept reciting as I ran, "The hearts of people moreover are full of evil! There is madness in there hearts while they live… And afterwards they join the dead! Anyone who is among the living has hope! Even a live dog is better than a dead lion!"

I reached the end of my sprint and leapt, momentarily concealing my blades within my sleeves so that I could plunge right into the heart of the shadows, "FOR THE LIVING KNOW THAT THEY SHALL DIE!" I dove into the inky darkness and if I hadn't been armored by my faith in myself and what I was fighting for, that would've been the end of it. This things was made of pure _fear, _but as it sought to overwhelm me, I unsheathed my blades and lashed out with the power I'd stored in my sleeves. In a flash of light, the shadows and fear surrounding me were blown away like a bad memory.

I hovered in the air for a moment as I sized up the remaining three birds, now all eyeing me warily, "But the dead know nothing. They have no further reward and even their name is forgotten."

I teleported to the Pelican and shot forward, carving its wing right off with my left blade, "THEIR LOVE!" I spun and carved a huge swath through it with my right, "THEIR HATE AND THEIR JEALOUSY!" I teleported again and scissored my blades shut on its neck, neatly severing its head. It burst into fleeing streamers of shadow as it fell from the air and I teleported back to where I'd started in front of Happy and Miguel, sheathing my swords as I continued, "Never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun."

I clapped my hands together as though in prayer and began to charge the magic roaring into them with all the love I had for my life, "Go, eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do," my friends…

"Always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil," this wonderful second lease on life I'd been given…

"Enjoy life with your wife whom you love," I'd expected Mira, but images of all the other girls I'd quietly come to love flashed through my mind unbidden, Erza, Cana, Lucy, Serena…

"All the days of this meaningless life God has given you under the sun," two months had passed so quickly and yet it felt like I'd been with Fairy Tail my whole life…

"ALL YOUR MEANINGLESS DAYS!" I roared as I pulled my hands apart shining with a light beyond anything I'd ever summoned before as the faces of my teachers flew through my mind, _and of course everyone who helped me get here…_

"FOR THIS IS YOUR LOT IN LIFE AND IN YOUR TOILSOME LABOR UNDER THE SUN, WHATEVER YOUR HANDS FIND TO DO…" the birds were turning to flee. It wouldn't help them.

"DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!" It was like standing in the middle of the sun as I slid into a stance and prepared for the absolute biggest attack I'd ever unleashed. I could almost feel Mordred's arms wrapping around my shoulders from behind…

I told the birds calmly, "For in the realm of the dead? Where you're going? There is neither working _nor planning NOR KNOWLEDGE **NOR WISDOM!"**_ I released the built up energy, and the world went white for a moment. Two moments… THREE moments, _Holy shit how much power did I just cut loose?!_

When the blast finally flickered out, even I had to stare in shock for a moment. Almost halfway to the horizon in all directions in front of me, the dark gray ceiling of clouds had been evaporated and the morning sun streamed down to bathe the mountains in warmth for the first time in who knew how long. The Shadow Birds were gone, burned away by my attack or the morning sun, I didn't know or care as I staggered back in awe. Then I had to laugh lightly as I finished, "I have seen something else under the sun…"

Miguel and Happy looked at me in shock as I finished, "For all my sins and mistakes, _I am neither._" A fierce grin spread across my face, "So, who wants to go save our friends?"

…

* * *

**...**

**MEANWHILE**

**...**

* * *

…

"WHAT THE HELL WAS BLONDIE PACKIN' IN THOSE KEYS?!" Gajeel roared in shock as the titanic bull furiously rammed the shadow giant into the tree and started to push.

"THAT MUST BE TAURUS!" Levy called back, "Less gawking more fighting! The skeletons are targeting the civilians!"

Gajeel's eyes snapped back to what he now realized was a melee of bloody skeletons grappling with fleeing people. His eyes narrowed, "Like hell they are!" He pulled back his arm and as he threw his punch, it elongated into a massive iron club that bulged and branched as it rocketed across the plaza, "IRON DRAGON FOREST!" In less than a minute, iron pillars had slammed down between dozens of civilians and the skeletons pursuing them.

Suddenly the blonde knight, Dimaria? yelled, "GAJEEL! DISCONNECT FROM THAT IRON! I'M ABOUT TO LIGHT THESE BASTARDS UP!"

Gajeel disconnected not a moment too soon as suddenly every civilian in the plaza was cleared and a panting Dimaria raised her sword. The circle of lacrimas floating behind her spun so that instead of the yellow orb at the top it was the green one, "STORM GOD DRAGON'S LIGHTNING FANG!" Green lightning suddenly roared out from around her and leapt into the veritable jungle gym of iron that Gajeel had littered the plaza with. In a blaze of green lightning, the skeletons were one and all blown to pieces in an instant by the heat of the lightning.

For an instant everything was quiet and then the High Priestess called, "Struggle all you want, the result will be the same!" She raised her hand and suddenly the lightning and iron alike were absorbed by a massive vacuum as the red blood from the pool rose and formed a funnel.

Gajeel and Levy gaped in horror as the pool sparked momentarily and the High Priestess cackled, "No matter what magic you throw at me, I have a thousand lives worth of power! I'll take everything you can throw at me and tear you apart in the mean time! You will feed my immortality!"

Levy blinked rapidly and then a vicious grin spread across her face, "You hear that Gajeel? She's got a finite number of times she can negate our attacks. By my count she managed to accumulate one thousand two hundred and sixty souls before we stopped her. I don't know how many summoning that giant took, but I'm going to guess he wasn't cheap since she needed over a thousand to be able to 'summon them at will'."

Gajeel took a second to register that and then his face twisted into an equally vicious grin, "So all we gotta do is keep beating her until she stays down…"

"And there's one more thing…" Dimaria called with an excited grin in a sing song voice, "Three! Two! One…"

**_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**

The whole plaza shook with the titanic roar as the blood pool began to boil, steam curling out of it in a thick reddish fog as its surface began to jump and buck wildly, somehow not splashing out despite the undoubtedly titanic impacts rocking it from within. The odds of Gajeel ever admitting it startled him so badly that he jumped into Levy's arms and stayed there for a moment are slim to none, but the look Levy gave him would be forever more etched into his and Dimaria's memory. As Gajeel leapt back to his feet and awkwardly tried to pretend nothing happened, Dimaria held back her giggles to sing, "_He's awaaa~ake!"_

The High Priestess went remarkably pale as she stared at the pool in horror, no doubt watching as her counts of invincibility were literally boiled away. Then an ear rending _CRACK!_ echoed through the city and the whole island started to shake. Everyone turned as Gugalanna, somehow almost forgotten overhead, bellowed in triumph as the Great Tree of Apollo began to be uprooted. The High Priestess went even paler, "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" She clapped her hands together, "ARISE GUARDIANS OF APOLLO! _ALL OF YOU! GET OUT HERE AND DEFEND THE GREAT TREE! **STOP THAT BULL!**_"

Eleven vast shadows erupted out of the tree. One came out of the side and took the shape of the Spider, which immediately leapt upon Gugalanna and began biting furiously. The Giant called Leeroy Jenkins and the Monkey that had fought Erza erupted forth from the tree's trunk and caught Gugalanna by the horns, immediately shoving with all their strength and as the giant Dog sank its fangs into Gugalanna's flank and began to pull, with golden blood streaming from around its muzzle Gugalanna's horns actually began to be separated with alarmingly rapid speed from the tree. Then the birds set upon him, and his hooves began to give way as their shadowy talons and ripping beaks actually drew golden blood from his back. The Jellyfish bubbled forth and started trying to not only act as a mighty winch to further force Gugalanna back and down, but also cinching the Tree back into place with tentacles that burst forth from the ground.

It was the final two that immediately drew Gajeel's attention though. They were each over triple the size of the other two and as they began to take shape, Gajeel's eyes went wide, "Ohhh crap…" On one side was something that looked like a massive flying whale with glowing yellow eyes and a mouth that was gaping wide open and charging what looked an awful lot like a dragon's breath weapon.

On the other side, slamming down and crushing buildings beneath its weight as it immediately noticed Gajeel, was the far more pressing concern. The Shadow Dragon's glowing silver eyes locked onto him and Gajeel realized he was about to have to EARN his title as a Dragon Slayer.

Right about then a hailstorm of swords glowing white with Holy Magic came streaming down from the sky in a torrent of divine steel. They bored through the Whale and then the river of light and blades twisted like a serpent and shot towards the tree. "BLUMEN…" A streak of silver flashed down the side of the tree and rent the Monkey, the Giant, the Dog and especially the Jellyfish to shreds, "**BLATT!"** Erza roared as she skidded to a halt and requipped, her swords continuing to fly and move according to her will even as she switched out of her Heaven's Wheel into a bulky white armor covered with spikes. The Whale had only just finished disintegrating when her feet hit the ground.

Erza slammed a massive club into the ground and grinned, "Purgatory Armor, or as it will now be known…" She leapt and knocked the Spider off Gugalanna's back as the massive horns slammed back into the tree and knocked it almost further out of the ground than it had been, "_HEAVEN'S JUDGMENT!_"

Even as the Monkey attempted to lunge out of the tree at her, Erza leapt and caved its skull in with a single swing. The Spider attempted to leap back and hooking it on the massive spikes of her club, Erza spun and hurled it into the Condor as it swooped to try and knock her from Gugalanna's back. The Heron's beak shot down like a missile and was effortlessly batted off course into the Giant as it emerged from the Tree. Then in a whirlwind of steel, Erza's blades rent all four to shreds of fleeing shadow.

Without warning, two of Erza's blades slammed down in front of Gajeel and Levy as she shouted, "THEY'RE VULNERABLE TO HOLY MAGIC!"

Levy didn't even hesitate, snatching the sword on the left up as she took off, "RIGHT! DIBS ON THE WITCH! SOLID SCRIPT LIGHTNING!" With a swipe of her hand, a bolt of lightning leapt away to slam into a hastily erected wave of blood as the High Priestess realized she suddenly had an extremely irate wizard after her armed with a holy sword.

Levy shot across the plaza on a burst of Solid Script Fast and after bouncing off a Solid Scrip Trampoline over the wave of blood, a burst of Solid Script Shine obscured the massive slash that carved the High Priestess open from shoulder to hip. Levy spun, the High Priestess's words about having a thousand lives on tap fresh in her ears as she bisected the vile sorceress again. A lightning quick reversal of her blade's angle and the High Priestess's head bounced away. Levy didn't even hesitate as she pulled back and jammed her sword through the Priestess's black heart. She would've kept going if a wave of blood hadn't erupted between them and forced her back.

The blood cocooned the High Priestess and Levy discharged a Solid Script Lightning bolt into it, smiling in grim satisfaction as she heard the Sorceress shriek within. Unfortunately, Levy mused, I've only got a few more of those before I run out, and I don't know if there's enough light here for Blackout Mode to even help…

The blood cocoon fell and the High Priestess directed a furious glare at Levy, "ImpressIVE! _Let me finish talking!_" Levy had attempted to cut her off halfway through by coming within six inches of chopping her head off again, "As I was saying…" the High Priestess continued as she shot backward on a cushion of blood, "Can you attack me so furiously and still defend your friends?!"

Suddenly a wave erupted out of the pool behind her and arched high overhead, splitting into a hailstorm of javelins that rocketed down towards the other side of the plaza. Levy's eyes widened as she realized exactly who the High Priestess was aiming for. Lucy was still out cold and defenseless from the strain of summoning Gugalanna. And if she kills Lucy then our ace is toast! Raced through Levy's head as she opened her mouth to scream out a warning that even as she said it she knew wouldn't help.

The javelins came down…

And were promptly all vaporized by a wall of blinding light. Dimaria became visible standing in front of Lucy, her blade now jagged like the blades of the High Priestess's puppet executioners and a white lacrima now hovering at the top of her circle. Dimaria grinned, "No tiros baratos bruja! Patear su culo Levy!"

A delighted smile spread across Levy's face as she recognized one of the first foreign languages she'd ever learned, "SI! Gracias hermana! Te debemos una!" She turned her attention back to the High Priestess just in time to deflect a razor sharp tendril of hardened blood shooting towards her like a spear. Levy effortlessly deflected it and charged forward, weaving through and batting aside the seemingly infinite number of blood spears flying at her while Dimaria did the same, albeit cursing furiously in Minstrelian the whole time about 'brujas engañandas'.

…

Gajeel had a rather different reaction to a holy sword landing in front of him. He picked up the sword with a vicious grin and bit into it like a kebab as he turned a very excited expression on the Shadow Dragon. Never tried ENCHANTED steel before…

As Gajeel's teeth sank into the sword's tempered steel, power flowed through him like a raging tsunami. Gajeel's scales sprang into being across his entire body as his normally inky black hair turned glowing white and magic power started to leak from beneath his scales. Gajeel's eyes went wide as he realized the answer to the question Erza had posed him and Natsu a few days earlier. Yes, dual-element Dragon Slaying magic WAS possible, and even better, yes. He could handle it.

Gajeel's face twisted back into that vicious grin as he immediately clamped down on his control of the hurricane of power roaring within him, "DIVINE STEEL DRAGON…" he took a breath and the Shadow Dragon before him had just an instant to look worried, "**ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!"**

Instead of the usual pale green, a hurricane of blinding white magic loaded with shrapnel erupted forth, slamming into the Shadow Dragon and flinging it across the city to slam into a mountainside with a pained roar. Gajeel frowned as he saw that while the Shadow Dragon was definitely injured and leaking shadows, it was far from beaten. Then it turned back to him and spread its wings, launching itself into the air…only to be immediately snatched and slammed back to the ground as Gajeel grinned, "Iron Make: Chains!"

Gajeel charged across the city, his arm growing a massive and faintly glowing chainsaw blade as he ran, "_DIVINE STEEL DRAGON SWORD: ARONDIGHT!_" The Shadow Dragon opened its mouth and suddenly the entire world before Gajeel was nothing but a vast wall of darkness. Gajeel pointed his sword ahead and charged on, the blade on his arm spinning and shedding light until he was encased in a glowing white vortex of energy, "_DIVINE STEEL DRAGON LANCE: **RHONGOMYNIAAAD!**_" He shot forward even faster on a pillar of iron that grew with lightning speed, propelling him forward like a bullet.

The Shadow Dragon exploded as Gajeel blew straight through its head. It exploded out of the branches of the now precariously leaning tree twice as big and seething with fury a moment later, but Gajeel met its return with a confident grin, "Come and get it!"

Then his confidence vanished as Gugalanna suddenly disappeared with a very panicked sounding "**MOO?!**"

Dimaria looked down in shock and horror at the red blade of solidified blood poking out of the center of her breastplate. She looked over her shoulder in horror and saw that the blade had erupted out of a pool that had crept through the cracks in the cobblestones and formed right behind her…a puddle that Lucy's unconscious form was now lying in and adding to.

The entire city seemed to go quiet for a moment as all eyes suddenly landed on Lucy and Dimaria. The bloody javelin retracted and Dimaria fell forward onto one knee, only barely keeping herself upright by propping on her sword. Then a dozen more erupted from the ground and stabbed through her. Dimaria gasped in agony and then collapsed as the javelins retracted, her seven lacrima falling to the ground beside her.

Levy, Erza and Gajeel stared in horror as the High Priestess started to laugh…

Then the blood pool exploded in a pillar of furious crimson flames that roared higher than the Great Tree, and that roar consisted of one very clear message, "**I'LL KIIIIIILL YOOOOOOOU!****"**

The High Priestess backed away from the raging inferno as the giant Spider materialized and tried to suppress the flames in a tidal wave of webbing. Then she stopped cold as something jammed itself through her chest from behind, "Me first," Elric declared quietly as the toxic aura his hand was encased in began to burn through the torso he'd just thrust it through. "A thousand lives huh?" he asked the High Priestess quietly as she shot a stunned glance over her shoulder at him, "That was enough poison for a million. Oh, and just for good measure, may the sound of your own voice destroy you!" he snapped his bloody, talon tipped fingers.

The High Priestess suddenly exploded as though a bomb had gone off in her chest. She quickly began to reform, but even as she did, the poison was clearly taking effect. Elric grinned as his hair faded from white to dark red, "Since she's taking cheap shots Levy, I hope you don't mind if I join you."

Levy stared at him in shock, "Elric? You're a wizard?!"

The man we'd thought we knew cracked his knuckles, "Hehehe… You ain't seen nothin' yet." Then he threw his hand to the sky and yelled, "LIGHT 'EM UP NATSU!"

Natsu was a frightfully powerful mage to be sure, everyone knew that. He could easily burn entire towns to the ground entirely by accident and he had no concept of 'overkill' or his own immense physical strength and durability. For all that though, he was a usually a kind, friendly (if slightly mischievous) soul who genuinely meant no harm, and Levy had never been the slightest bit scared of him.

The raging beast in the flames that erupted through the shadow web out of the now burned dry pool screaming in fury with blazing eyes full of hate? _HE _was another story altogether.

Meanwhile, unnoticed by anyone, a young woman with stark white hair and a pocket full of Celestial Gate Keys knelt over Lucy and Dimaria…

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**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**...**

**"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"**

"I am..._A DRAGON SLAYER."_

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_Also yes, shameless plug for anyone wondering, there will eventually be a Fate:Zero prequel fic detailing Jerry's Holy Grail War._

_For those of you who don't know what that means, don't worry he'll explain it to everybody in Chapter 33: Aftermath._

_It's a long ways off yet but I do have a general idea of what all happens._

_For now, I'm calling it **Archer's Wild**._


	37. Ch32: Return of the King

**AN: _IT'S FINALLY TIME! THE EPIC CLIMAX HAS ARRIVED! THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE ROAD TO MATTACHU!_**

**_but before we get to that, Reviewer Replies because I was friggin' stoked to get so many after that dry spell._**

**_RavenCarver: _**_Yep, it made a lot of sense to me that Gajeel would be able to access a form like that sense iron is traditionally thought of as a celestial metal good for purging demons and cleansing evil due to the fact that one of the earliest sources of it was meteorites. Yes, Levy could generate Holy Steel but she'd have to generate steel first and then imbue it with a Holy enchantment, so it would take a minute. And yes, she can do rune magic like Freed, she just doesn't use it as much as he does because it's not her natural magic affinity._

**_Beruit:_**_ Ah, sorry yes it has been jumping around a bit, so at the end of Reviewer Replies I'm posting a quick recap of how it's all gone down since things started to go crazy back at the end of Chapter 27. There've been a lot of viewpoints juggled around across a couple of different locations, so I'm not surprised it might've been a bit difficult to keep track of. This chapter should be significantly easier to keep track of since it's all in one spot._

**_dxq987:_**_ Thank YOU for the comment! :D_

**_Raidentensho:_**_ Fun fact the Nazca Lines are actually very real, Yugioh didn't make them up (I'm sure you knew that though), and yes I did indeed base the Guardians on them. The dragon is the unidentified 'hands' looking glyph, which if you turn it upside down looks like the head of an antlered dragon, and the High Priestess actually represents the Flower. Haven't seen '_Marksman and Vanadis'_ so no, no cameos or references to that. Did I hear something about an all powerful unstoppable dragon showing up this chapter? (cackles)_

**_Zeak106:_**_ I'm delighted you're enjoying it enough to binge the whole thing in a day. Super glad you like my portrayals of these characters since I quite like all of them. There was originally supposed to be some Atlantis the Lost Empire in here as well, but things just didn't work out that way. This has been by far the most difficult arc to write even though it's also the one I was personally the most hyped for. Making something big enough to make up for butterflying away half of Galuna Island and the entire Phantom Lord arc was a lot harder than I'd expected. This arc alone has been as long as the entire rest of the story combined. There's been a lot of important stuff happen, and it was a great way to make it happen, but it has been very difficult. Thankfully though we've reached the final chapter of The Road to Mattachu, and so hopefully everything after this will come as easily as the first 16 chapters did. Sorry these last few chapters have been a bit short, this one is too, but there's only so much I can pump up a fight scene before it gets bloated and boring, and the last thing I want is to bore you, so for these last few chapters, short and sweet it's had to be. Don't worry though, I've got a LOT to cover in next week's chapter, and at least one more really big one coming right after that. Enjoy! :D_

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**Before we get started, a quick recap for anyone who's been confused by the events of the last few chapters. I know it's been jumping around a lot so a quick reminder of what all's happened. ****Feel free to skip down past it if you don't need a recap.**

-Base Camp is attacked by the Shadow Giant

-Jerry goes outside to fight it, summons Virgo. Virgo reverts to her Origin, curbstomps Shadow Giant

-While Virgo is fighting Shadow Giant, a sleep spell is cast on the townsfolk at the party

-Levy and Lucy are kidnapped by mysterious men with glowing blue eyes and immense speed, forcing Natsu, Gajeel, Erza, Miguel and Happy to give chase (Elric and Serena are nowhere to be seen)

-Natsu, Gajeel, Erza, Miguel and Happy are intercepted by a giant Shadow Monkey

-Erza stays behind to fight the Shadow Monkey, loses because Shadow Beasts are invulnerable to normal attacks, is then attacked by tentacles and has to flee

-Jerry is also fighting tentacles back at Base Camp and forced to retreat, opting instead to go find the others and get back up

-Natsu, Gajeel, Happy and Miguel follow the kidnappers to Mattachu where they are attacked by a giant Shadow Spider, which defeats Natsu and Gajeel while Happy flies Miguel to safety

-Jerry is attacked by three giant Shadow Birds (a Hummingbird, a Pelican and a Heron)

-Happy and Miguel are attacked by a fourth Shadow Bird

-Lucy and Levy are being tortured in the villain's lair, and Lucy's keys are fed to a giant Shadow Wolf

-Meanwhile Gajeel and Natsu wake up in an illusion. They decide to play along until they can find Lucy and Levy

-Lucy and Levy are given a break from being tortured to be subjected to a song and dance number organized by the villain using her hypnotic control over the city to feed a magic pool of blood which restores her youth and gives her counts of invulnerability equal to the number of people killed and thrown into the pool

-Gajeel and Natsu break free of the illusion just before they dance their way into the pool. Natsu frees Levy and Lucy but is caught and tossed into the blood pool while Gajeel carries the girls to safety

-Levy is outraged to discover that she'd lost part of an IQ point due to the torture and attempted mind rape

-Erza is caught by the tentacles after a long running battle, but saved at the last second by Serena, who electrocutes the Tentacles to oblivion and proceeds to also dispatch the Shadow Monkey when it shows up. Erza wakes up quickly and is being tended to by Elric. She proceeds to pull the magic and enchantments from her Black Wing Armor to speed her recovery and enchant her Purgatory Armor as well as dozens of her swords with Holy Element

-At the other end of the valley, Miguel and Happy take shelter from the Shadow Birds with Jerry. Jerry unravels part of his memory block and recovers some of his most cherished memories

-The door to the plaza where Levy, Gajeel and Lucy are confronting the villain is knocked down by the Shadow Dog that ate Lucy's keys getting hurled through it and immediately dying. Dimaria walks in with seven powerful lacrima on hand, one of which allows her to use Storm Dragon God magic, declares herself to be the reinforcements, and throws Lucy her keys

-The villain resummons the Shadow Giant and animates the army's worth of skeletons that are now all that's left of her victims

-Lucy summons Taurus, who immediately reverts to his Origin, which is Gugalanna the unstoppable Bull of Heaven. Taurus/Gugalanna proceeds to ram the Tree the Shadow Beasts are spawning from, crushing the Shadow Giant in the process. Lucy faints from the titanic drain on her magic from summoning Taurus/Gugalanna.

-Jerry manages to unravel the last of the memory block and recovers his training in how to access Holy Magic along with a great deal of forgotten personal growth. He proceeds to obliterate all four Shadow Birds in short order

-In the plaza, the skeletons are attacking the people of Mattachu who were freed from the villain's control when the Tentacles were obliterated. Gajeel and Dimaria use a combo attack to destroy the skeletons

-The villain accidentally reveals their weakness to Levy who explains it to the others, and in stopping Gajeel and Dimaria's combo attack, the villain accidentally wakes up Natsu who immediately begins trying to escape the Blood Pool which is powering the villain

-Taurus/Gugalanna makes visible headway in shoving the Shadow Beast spawning tree down. All the Shadow Beasts respawn and attempt to stop him, including two new ones: a flying whale and a shadow dragon

-Erza arrives just in time and shreds four of them before proceeding to keep the rest off Taurus/Gugalanna since she's now properly equipped to fight them. She also throws Levy and Gajeel holy magic imbued swords so they can fight

-Levy charges the villain and immediately starts whittling down their thousand plus lives. The villain tries to attack Lucy as a distraction since Lucy's unconscious and can't defend herself. Dimaria intervenes and defends Lucy so Levy can fight

-Gajeel eats his Holy sword and accesses Divine Steel Dragon Mode, which he then uses to beat down the Shadow Dragon

-The villain manages a sneak attack on Lucy and Dimaria which mortally injures both of them and dispels Taurus/Gugalanna.

-Natsu realizes somebody just sent Lucy to death's doorstep because of his dragon slayer senses and immediately blows his top

-Elric appears behind the villain and rams his hand through her chest, revealing himself to be much younger than he has thus far appeared as well as a Poison wizard with scaly forearms, claws and dark red hair

-Natsu finally gets loose and is in the middle of an utterly demonic looking berserk flaming fury

-Serena is revealed to be a Celestial wizard with white hair and is seen crouching over the fallen Lucy and Dimaria

...

**And that brings us up to the present.**

**Now get ready, **

**EARTHLAND'S GREATEST HERO HAS ARRIVED!**

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**...**

**Chapter 32: Return of the King**

**…**

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Elric picked up Levy, tossed her over his shoulder and bolted, knowing what was about to happen. With an almighty leap, he cleared the side of the plaza to land next to Serena, Dimaria and Lucy. He set Levy down and immediately knelt to begin examining Lucy and Dimaria, paying no heed to the ungodly blood red firestorm that suddenly filled the plaza and made it look like the gates of Hell.

Erza blinked in confusion as her swing connected with nothing but air, trying to figure out what just happened as I appeared with her next to them, "Well, this is about to be over very quickly. Sorry I'm late. Had to deal with some very large birds."

Erza looked over at me and then turned her gaze back to the utterly evil looking inferno that contained our howling, screaming and utterly berserk Dragon Slayer, "No, I'd say you arrived just in time." She wasn't wrong. If I had been a split second slower on the teleport, Erza would've been as charred over as most things Natsu got angry at.

Then she noticed Lucy and Dimaria, "OH MY GOD! ARE THEY OKAY?!"

Elric looked up at her and replied flatly, "Well, no. They've kinda just been stabbed." Erza twitched with narrowly restrained fury at the snark.

I blinked as I processed the sight in front of me, paying no heed to the shadow creatures getting flung out of the flames left and right while Gajeel used a Shadow Dragon as a punching bag. "Is that Mari? What's she doing here?"

Levy and Erza looked at me in surprise, "You know her?!"

I frowned as I felt something tugging faintly at my conscience and then I knelt down and reached into the pouch at her waist. A moment later I pulled out one of my Calling Cards, my eyes wide, "Yeah, _this is the woman who saved Natsu_ _from the Phosphor-Mites_." I glanced up at Elric who was a lot younger than I'd gotten used to him being, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Elric nodded, "Yeah, help me pull the wounds back closed with your telekinesis so I can do some stitching. No matter what happens we _have _to keep these wounds closed as tightly as possible for the next ten minutes at bare minimum. The longer we can hold them together the better."

Erza nodded, "We'll keep you covered."

After that, there wasn't much talking as Elric and I hurried to patch up Mari and then Lucy. My hands quickly began to ache from holding them clenched so tightly to keep my telekinetic hold locking their wounds closed absolutely as tight as I could, but I held on as Elric stitched furiously. Thankfully the only sounds were Natsu and Gajeel going to town on their respective opponents, but even that sounded like a city getting torn down. (Probably because it _was _the sound of a city getting torn down.)

Full props to Elric, he knows his stuff. He finished the sutures on Mari's numerous and honestly gaping wounds and moved to Lucy in a matter of minutes. It's a good thing too since right about then half the city was blocked out by a massive wall of pitch black with a sound like the howl of a hurricane. The Shadow Beast rocketed into the clouds and then dipped back down a moment later at the other end of the city, glowing magic seals erupting all over its body as I asked worriedly, "Iiis that a flying whale with over a dozen magical artillery seals heading this way?"

Erza tightened her grip on her giant spiked club and her arsenal of flying swords aimed themselves, "Yep."

"Well how about _don't draw it's attention over here?_" Elric asked icily as he finished stitching Lucy up. Before anyone could answer, the Shadow Whale's magical artillery opened fire, and rivers of darkness erupted forth, sweeping back and forth across the city, pulverizing everything they hit like giant steamrollers.

Erza's eyes weren't the only ones going wide as she admitted, "I'll try to buy some time, but if those two can be moved, they _really really need to be!_"

"Better yet, Erza, _swap with me."_ I declared, "I wanna try something."

Erza looked at me in surprise, "You've got something that can stop that thing?!"

"I think so but I can't concentrate on this and direct the Mesektet at the same time." Erza immediately knelt next to me, "What do I do?"

Elric and I quickly directed her and then as I felt her magic slide in to reinforce mine, I gently withdrew and then, when I was sure my friends weren't about to have gushing wounds if I stepped away for a minute, I rose to my feet. I raised my hands, closed my eyes and called out, "_MESEKTET!"_

Things became almost blindingly bright immediately as what looked like a solar flare suddenly burst down from the clouds, burning away the entire shroud covering the city in an instant. The heat was blistering even from across the city, and if I hadn't closed my eyes I would've been blinded for a few minutes. The reason it looked like a solar flare is because it basically _was _a solar flare.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Levy demanded as she furiously scrubbed her eyes.

I grinned before opening my eyes, "A little something I inherited from the King of Kings." Then I opened my eyes and felt my gut clench, "It's the boat of the sun which fires watered down solar flares as artillery from space. It can lay waste to entire countries in a matter of hours and that really begs the question of _why is that damn whale looking at me like it's unimpressed when I just hit it with the wrath of a literal god?!"_

Then I blinked as I realized something was different about the whale. "And why does it look different?" The whale was still covered in shadow despite the sunlight now shining down on it, but as I watched, the shadows began to fade and reveal… "Yellow? Why is the whale yellow?!" _and why did I feel a sudden urge to hug it?! _Things the size and combat capacity of battleships _should not be that absurdly cute!_

It responded with what I can only describe as a happy whale noise as it shone faintly with golden light. Across the city, the Shadow Dragon was now shining silver and calmly batted Gajeel's latest attack aside with its tail. _"Calm down, fight's over,_" it declared as Gajeel flipped midair and skidded a landing. Then it flapped its wings and for lack of a better word _hopped_ over to the edge of the plaza. It landed next to a large green monkey and poked it with its tail, _"**Wake up.**_"

The monkey sat up and rubbed its head with a questioning chitter before looking around. It spotted the tree and went almost mint green instead of the verdant emerald it had been when the shadows faded. I didn't have to speak monkey to understand the ensuing screech meant "**OH _SHIT!_**"

"**_Exactly,_**" the dragon agreed, "**_Now help me wake up the others as that fire demon kicks them out of the plaza._**" The whale floated over and bugled an agreement.

"DOES SOMEONE WANNA TELL ME WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!" Gajeel demanded as he landed next to us, Happy and Miguel touching down a moment later (They'd been a little bit slower than me since I'd teleported the last mile to grab Erza before Natsu turned the plaza into a firepit). I had to stare for a moment at Gajeel's stark white hair and glowing aura of green tinged white magical energy, that was new.

The dragon turned to look at us, **_"We are the Guardians of The Sun God. We were enslaved by the seeping corruption that poisoned the Great Tree with the aid of the former High Priestess. When the darkness was burned away, the sunlight was able to free us. Now we just have to free the others and then we can purge the Great Tree of its corruption. Once the Tree has been restored, all will be well once more."_**

He promptly snatched the Shadow Giant in his talons and pinned him down, the Green Monkey snatching his feet to keep him from flailing. **_"LEEROY! WAKE UP!"_** the dragon thundered.

The sunlight quickly burned away the shadows enveloping the giant and he was revealed to be a vibrant shade of purple all over as he sat up, "**_What happened? Why do I feel like I threw down with Astraea and Gugalanna back to back?"_**

"You DID throw down with Astraea and ya got whooped!" I shouted, "And I'm still very upset that ya nearly got her killed!"

The giant called Leeroy looked utterly poleaxed by the revelation, but he didn't have time to respond because a giant shadow spider suddenly collided with his chest. I recoiled in horror as I saw the thing, and then Leeroy the Giant wrapped the spider in a full nelson and glowed so brightly that it obscured both of them for a moment. When the glow faded, the spider was a giant white ball of confused and inexcusably adorable fluff looking around with a very confused expression.

And so it went on. While the cauldron of hellish flames boiled and shook from the fight within it, Natsu punched out a massive dog and a glowing blue jellyfish that I recognized as the source of the tentacles I'd seen at Base Camp. The Jellyfish turned pink and the dog turned out to be reddish orange.

The four birds erupted out of the Corrupted Tree to try and swoop in and attack Natsu, but they were purified by the sun's rays the instant they took to the air. It looked like it was about to be a complete victory. The turn around was so quick that even as it was happening I was having a hard time understanding what was going on.

Yet still the flames roared on around the base of the Tree and the Silver Dragon looked at them, "**What is he doing in there?"** Then the Tree collapsed over sideways as Natsu unleashed a roar that rocked the city and the Guardians had just an instant to cry out in horror before they disappeared.

Everything was still for a brief instant and then everything went dark as a voice that shook the souls of everyone who heard it roared, "**FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!"**

The flames went out, and the sudden darkness became absolute until I started glowing with everything I had to try and force the oppressive darkness back as I felt the unnatural terror trying to force its way into my head. The dark was like an oppressive smothering weight, pushing in from all sides and seeping cold into every inch of my being. The light I could force out only narrowly kept it at bay at the edge of the very small circle, and I could still feel its effects as it sought to force its way in.

I glanced around and saw that everyone else was out cold, expressions of pure terror on their face. No, Erza was awake, hanging on by a thread as she crouched protectively between Lucy and Mari. I ran to kneel over her, laid my hand on her shoulder and flooded her with Sense of Security, "Keep it together Erza. I'm right here, we're going to be okay. Everything's going to be alright. Can you hold on for a little while longer?"

Erza was ghostly pale in the faint light that was all I could muster against the oppressive darkness. Sense of Security was only just barely holding her back from a full on panic attack, but she nodded. I exhaled lightly as a faint smile crossed my face, "I know you can do it. Don't worry, I'll be back in just a moment. Keep them safe, alright?" Erza nodded again, her hands still firmly pressed down over Mari and Lucy's wounds as her magic held them tight. "_Hurry…_" she forced out.

I nodded and rose to my feet, turning to face the source of the darkness and terror, drawing my blade and stepping between the beast and my friends as best I could, "Hello Apophis."

The Serpent of Oblivion wasn't easy to spot. His form faded in and out of visibility and even at its clearest was only discernible by the absolute darkness that formed it. It was like trying to spot blotches of ink on charcoal in a dark room. The one thing that was constantly obvious about it was its size. Laid out in a straight line, I think it would've reached all the way back to Fiore easily. It was mostly coiled in the sky above us, but even wadded up and overlapping itself like a plate of spaghetti, its coils still reached well beyond the edges of the valley, and its head alone had to be as big as the entire city.

It hissed out a sound that brought to mind a million blades being drawn and lethal gas leaks and every poisonous snake in the world rearing their heads and a dozen other horrible things besides, "**SSSSSSSSSUN KING…IT HASSS BEEN A LONG TIME. I THOUGHT SSSURELY YOUR LIGHT WOULD'VE FADED ENTIRELY AFTER SSSO MANY SSSCENTURIESSS… YET SSSTILL YOU SSSTAND BEFORE ME…" **It hissed out what had to be its version of a laugh, **"ARE YOU READY TO SSSUBMIT AND DIE?**"

I raised my blade and spoke its true name, revealing the sword of my namesake for what it was, "I am not the Sun King you did battle with then. I am merely one of his descendants, but I will stand no less firmly in your way Serpent of the End."

Apophis laughed again, "**SSSO BE IT. IT WOULDN'T BE NEARLY ASSSS SSSATISSSFYING TO CRUSSSH YOU OTHERWISSSE. COME ON, I'LL LET YOU HAVE THE FIRSSST SSSHOT."**

I raised the massive sword and grinned as I tapped into its power and merged it with my own, "A lethal mistake, but one I'm happy to see you make…" then I began the incantation as a river of blinding light erupted skyward from the blade in my hands.

_"Die böse Schlange wird vom Himmel getroffen und alles ist in Licht und Schatten sortiert._

_Diese Welt erreicht die Dämmerung._

_JETZT FALLEN._

**_BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALMUUUUUUUUNG!"_**

The river of blinding light, possessed of extremely potent Holy Magic by itself, and further amplified by my direct connection to Mesektet and the power of Ra with its full might flowing through the blade to strengthen its attack, was equal to nothing less than a full throttle solar flare. It was a blast strong enough to scour a planet's surface to down ash that even the Etherion paled in comparison to.

In the space of a minute, the sheer strain of executing the attack had driven me to my knee. It was far above and beyond Balmung's normal capabilities, but it handled the power quite well. The exhaustion wasn't quite as bad as what I'd felt when the Lullaby's curse hit me, but it wasn't far off. By my reckoning as sweat erupted all over my body, I was at less than half a percent of my magic capacity and I could feel my pulse thundering in my head. My limbs felt like rolls of wet felt and everything hurt, but if it had taken out Apophis, then the price of the attack was well worth it to ensure the Serpent didn't achieve its goal and bring about the end of the world.

It _had _to have worked. There was nobody else around who could even think of fighting that thing, and there was no way in hell I could pull off an attack like that again before Apophis struck back if it had survived. My breath came only in ragged heavy pants as I held onto Balmung with both hands and stuck its tip into the ground to try and force myself to remain upright. I'd normally never use such a legendary weapon as a walking stick, but the sun was going to burst through the clouds any second, and dammit I wanted to be on my feet when it did!

I shot a glance over my shoulder, "Erz…" I was cut off by a light coughing fit and then tried again, "Erza! Are you okay back there?!"

She couldn't force the words out, but her expression and her screaming thoughts as she looked up at the sky said everything. I felt myself pale as I turned my gaze skyward, _NONONONONONO… "**SHIT!"**_

"**ISSSS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?" **Apophis rumbled as it loomed closer, apparently completely unscathed by my very most unprecedentedly best shot. Then I noticed the line of shadow leaking out the side of its face like an oil spill.

_Oh, _I thought, _So I did hurt it. I managed to take out its eye._

Then it hit me, _MY BEST SHOT ONLY GAVE IT A BLACK EYE?!_

"**THISSS WILL BE EASSSIER THAN I EXSSSSPECTED. DON'T WORRY, YOUR WORLD WILL SSSOON FOLLOW YOU." **

My light started to sputter and fade as the existential terror started to force its way into my mind through the cracks in my confidence. I could barely keep myself upright, let alone fire off enough attacks of that scale to take this thing down! _NONONONONONO…_

Apophis opened its mouth and I saw Hell writhing within it, a seething hideous dark void from which there'd be no return, _NONONONONONO…_

Apophis pulled back to strike like a meteor that would end the world, **_NONONONONONONO!_**

Then, Apophis struck. I admit, I closed my eyes and fully believed, that we were all about to die. I couldn't even teleport my friends to safety, because there was no minimum safe distance from this. _I'm sorry everybody…_

The world shook like an earthquake passing through while a bomb went off and then…

I opened my eyes and in the dim flickering light, I saw a man in a dark cape with long tangled silver blue hair glaring at Apophis with his fists clenched at his side.

Apophis roared furiously as it yanked its head from the rubble of the mountain it had been knocked into and back up into the sky to demand, "**_HOW DARE YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE?!" _**

I blinked in shock at the Serpent's words and then realized what had happened. I stared at the man next to me, my jaw hitting the floor as I realized he had stopped Apophis's strike _with a punch!_

**_"HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!"_** Apophis ranted,**_ "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I AM?! I AM THE SERPENT OF CHAOS! I AM THE END OF THIS ABHORRENT THING YOU CALL REALITY! I FIGHT THE ARMIES OF THE GODS ALONE EVERY NIGHT AND PUSH THEM TO THEIR LIMITS EVERY TIME! _**

**_I!_**

**_AM!_**

**_APOPHIS!_**

**_YOU ARE NOT A GOD! WHO ARE YOU TO DEFY ME?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"_**

I knew the answer. I'd never seen more than a picture of him, but I'd recognized the owner of the sword in my hand immediately as he glared up defiantly at the Serpent of Chaos, "_Siegfried?!_"

He glanced at me out the corner of his eye for just an instant, and then turned back to Apophis, "I am a Dragon Slayer, _and this is over._"

He crouched and as Apophis lunged to strike once more, he jumped, glowing like a mighty blue star, streaking through the sky like a comet to confront the monster threatening his world. With a battle cry that shook me to my core, the two titans collided in a sky blue supernova.

For just an instant, it looked like the darkness would overcome him, the edges of the supernova shrinking quickly as it looked like it was petering out while the darkness held strong. Then a roar that sounded like the end of the world thundered out and shook the city, and the darkness was suddenly pierced by a river of light that looked to be over twice the size of the attack I'd unleashed with Balmung.

For an instant, all was quiet and still.

Then the explosion hit.

In an instant the inky black ceiling of darkness was blown away and the sun streamed down unhindered, blindingly bright as it gleefully lit the world once more. The world shook like an earthquake rolling through as the decapitated corpse of Apophis began crashing to the earth. Then a shadow fell over us and I realized with horror that part of the damn snake was falling _straight towards us!_

It was too, which made Erza's magic defense seal all the more welcome a sight as she yelled, "ADAMANTINE BARRIER!" I shot a glance over my shoulder at her as I realized that she'd managed to cover the whole city and was visibly straining to hold the weight of the massive corpse.

"I could use some help over here!" she declared tensely as her arms and legs shook slightly. I immediately chomped down as much light as I quickly could and with a massive sweep of my arms, I shoved the corpse of Apophis with every scrap of power I had left. Apparently I shoved it enough, because as I staggered, Erza let her seal drop and the body crashed down around the city, but not one bit in it.

Erza requipped back to her normal armor and dropped to one knee, clearly badly winded by the effort. I gulped down some more of the much sweeter tasting than usual sunlight and staggered over to her, tugging Balmung out of the ground and sticking it back into its sheath which had appeared on my back beneath my cape. Dang sword was so long I had to use my telekinesis to sheathe it. I dropped to my knee and then sat down facing her as I started steadily chewing down light to maintain my power so I wouldn't pass out. I slid my magic in next Erza's to keep Mari and Lucy stable, "You okay Erza?"

Erza nodded as she released her telekinetic hold, "Yeah, I'll, I'll be fine. Do you know who that was that saved us?"

I looked over at the spot in the sky where the final clash had occurred, "Siegfried, or at least Earthland's counterpart to him. He's one of history's most famous dragonslayers. This sword, Balmung," I jerked my head towards it, "Once belonged to him. It was given to me by the King of Heroes a couple of years back. I guess he knew I'd need it some day." I smiled lightly as I imagined His Majesty's gleefully proud grin, "He and the others trained me to be a hero who could live up to that kind of legacy, but," I shook my head, "I've still got a long way to go."

I laughed lightly as I remembered the feel of the swat to the head Mordred would've given me for saying that. _Dumbass, how many times have I gotta tell you to quit being so hard on yourself?_

"King of Heroes?" Erza asked curiously.

I nodded, "I'll tell you about it sometime. For now though, can you stand? I can't see Natsu but we need to make sure he's alright too. I've got these two."

Erza nodded and got to her feet, "Yes, I see him. Hang on, I'll go get him."

As soon as she was gone, Elric let out a small sigh and grumbled, "I guess you two aren't going to conveniently pass out so we can slip away unnoticed anytime soon are you?"

My head snapped around, "You're awake?! How long have you been awake?!"

"About a minute," he replied as he sat up and pulled himself to his feet. He quickly stepped over to Serena and lifted her, tossing her over his shoulder easily before turning to me, "It's best if we never cross paths again. Tell Erza we said thank you. We owe her our lives."

"You're quite welcome even if I'm not sure what you mean," Erza declared as she sprang up to the terrace with Natsu under her arm.

Elric flinched and then stepped over to her, whispering something that I couldn't hear. Erza went ghostly pale and dropped Natsu in shock, "You…"

Elric nodded, "My name is Eric. This is Sorano. On behalf of our brothers, ourselves and everyone else there, thank you. Please, make sure we never cross paths again." He turned and walked to the edge of the terrace before raising a hand to his temple, "Oy, Midnight! _Pick up!_"

Reality seemed to twist for a second and then they were both gone. Erza and I stared at the spot where they'd been for a moment and then I looked at Erza, "Are you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Erza shook herself and then looked at me, "I'm sorry Jerry, I'm not at liberty to share that."

I raised an eyebrow but didn't press the matter, instead glancing at Natsu, "Is he okay?"

Erza nodded, "He's a lot better off than he was after the Phosphor-mites, but he'll still probably be unconscious for a while."

I breathed a small sigh of relief, "That's good."

Erza sat down behind me and leaned her back against mine, "Yeah, it really is."

Silence reigned for a few minutes and then, "Hey Erza?"

"Hmm?"

"We found the City of Gold."

"Yep," she agreed as we looked around at the unerring splendor around us.

"Helped save the world."

"Just a little," she mused with a smile.

"Made some friends."

"Definitely."

"Didn't lose anybody along the way…"

"We did have a few close calls though," she pointed out.

"And we didn't even knock down any buildings in a way that'll get us sued!"

"Seriously?!" Erza exclaimed as she lurched off me for a second. I could hear her racing through her memories of the entire trip and then she laughed as she leaned back against me again, "Hah, we sure didn't! I guess we can chalk this up as a total success!"

Then she threw her hands over her head and cheered, "WE FINISHED A DECADE QUEST!"

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**And that's a wrap folks!**

**There'll be a transition chapter next week, but as it overlaps with the start of the next arc, I consider this the final chapter of _The Road to Mattachu_.**

**I hope you all enjoyed my replacement for the _Phantom Lord War _arc, we'll be getting back to our regularly scheduled mayhem next week, along with Jerry's backstory now that he's remembered it, and the final sting in the end that makes this mission truly a punishment for Natsu, Happy and Lucy.**

**I hope you're ready. **_(pops umbrella open and grins evilly)_

_**Things are about to get UGLY.**_


	38. Ch33: Aftermath

**AN: First of all, Happy Easter, Passover, whatever holiday you celebrate this month, or if you don't have one, then happy Thursday!**

**(_Cackles maniacally) Let's get this show on the road! Reviewer Replies! _**

**_Zeak106: _**_Fret not, all will be revealed in this chapter. I've actually been building up to the reveal of where Jerry's from since the beginning of the story. He's going to lay out all the hints and explain the whole thing in the first part of this chapter though, so don't worry. Like I said, all will soon be clear. As always, delighted you enjoyed! Now just sit back and relax, this is the second longest chapter yet but hopefully it's a nice soothing...(cackles) I can't even pretend to type that with a straight face! THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST WHAM EPISODES OF THE WHOLE STORY! (rolls around laughing my ass off)_

**_Raidentensho:_**_ (cackles like a maniac) Ohohoho, you have DRASTICALLY underestimated how hard a hit they are about to take._

_**Boggie445: **[answering your reviews for chapters 4, 15 and 17] R__egarding Gruvia, no it just means that I'm not taking that particular relationship down the same unbearably annoying path as canon. I quite like Juvia, and Gray's constant rejection bs really grated on me. I like the explanation given in 100 Year Quest of him feeling like he's not good enough for her, but I say the same thing about Gruvia as Jerza: If you think you're not good enough for her and she disagrees then SHUT UP AND TRY TO PROVE HER RIGHT. Regarding Lucy's key collecting... (rolls around cackling like a maniac) _

_..._

_And now..._

**_PREPARE THE "OOF!" CANNON!_**

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...

**CHAPTER 33: AFTERMATH**

**...**

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…

Erza turned slightly to look over her shoulder at me, "Oh by the way, what was that the giant snake called you? Sun King?"

I laughed lightly, "I guess that's as good a place to start as any. Yeah, I'm a descendant of the ancient pharaoh Ozymandias, better known in his time as the Sun King. He's one of the most famous of all the pharaohs and the most powerful. His magic is directly responsible for the way mine manifests."

"So you inherited his magic?"

"Not directly," I admitted, "It was dormant until a few years ago, and then promptly sealed away with my memories of it a few weeks after I'd gotten it."

"Why was it sealed? It's not going to go out of control is it?" Erza asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

I shook my head, "Nah, no danger. You remember that horrible mistake I made that I told you about?"

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Well I was incredibly depressed after that, so my parents took me on a trip halfway around the world to get my mind off it," I explained, "They hoped that going and seeing an entirely different country would distract me, and they figured Japan wouldn't have anything to remind me of what happened. We were going to spend two weeks touring the country, seeing everything we possibly could. I didn't really care, I couldn't have cared less about anything at that point. Then there was a mix up at the baggage claim…"

"You lost your luggage?" Erza asked, "I hate it when my suitcases get mislaid."

I tilted my head and grinned, "Hah. This had to have been the luckiest mix up in history! The bag I picked up and took with me belonged to an immensely powerful mage by the name of Tokiomi Tohsaka."

Erza started and turned to look at me, "I thought you said there wasn't any magic in your world!"

"Memory. BLOCK." I reminded her sharply, _so many interruptions!_ "I'm getting there! Will ya let me tell the story?"

Erza settled back against me and grumbled, "'Kay fine, but Mira's gonna flip if you lied to her."

"Oh she's gonna flip alright," I mused, "Of all the things that I'd been made to forget, the existence of magic was probably the _least _impactful on my life." Erza actually whipped around and would've knocked me over if I hadn't been sitting cross legged, "_Caaareful! _Careful Erza! We don't need to jostle Mari and Lucy!"

"Oh…sorry." Erza got up and walked around to sit in front of me, "Better?"

I sighed, "Are you going to let me tell the story now?"

Erza frowned, "I thought you _were_ telling the story?"

"Are you going to let me tell the story without so many interruptions?" I clarified before reddening slightly, "What's so funny?!" She was _giggling _at me and it was making it really hard to stay irritated because _goddammit she was cute!_

"I'm sorry," she laughed as my irritation finished evaporating, "You just reminded me of someone I used to know. He hated being interrupted too. I'm sorry, I'll be quiet." She folded her hands and smiled like she was going to behave and all I could do was just give her the _look._

"You're totally not going to be able to keep that up for more than a few seconds are you?" I asked dryly. She just started sniggering and a pang of longing shot through me as I mused, "You're actually reminding _me _of somebody _I _love very dearly, so I'll let it slide."

Apparently, that caught Erza off guard enough to still her giggles and I continued the story, "Anyway, in the suitcase was a bunch of books and a glass case containing the fossil of the very first snake to ever shed its skin. _I know it's the first because that's what the label said_," I added hastily to forestall the question I saw forming on Erza's lips, "And in the books were details on a magical wish granting ritual, which is known as the Holy Grail War."

Erza gave me a look which conveyed every shred of her doubt, "Okay, now I _know _you're screwing with me."

"As much fun as screwing you would undoubtedly be, that is definitely not what I'm doing right now!" I snapped, "I couldn't make this up if I tried! The Holy Grail War was held every sixty years using a magical device ostensibly called the Holy Grail to charge up one spell with enough juice to do quite literally _anything._ It could end the world easily if misused, and in the over two centuries since its creation _nobody _had ever managed to activate the damn thing as it was meant to be used because the ritual to activate it is so damn hard."

Erza politely quieted down and asked, "So what's the ritual?"

I sighed, "The reason it's called the Holy Grail _WAR_ is because the ritual is to have seven powerful mages summon the ghosts of seven legendary heroes. Each mage is the anchor for the hero they summon, and each pair fights to be the last ones standing. Once only a single pair is left, the Grail is able to manifest and can be activated to grant a wish. It wasn't originally supposed to be a wish granting device, it was supposed to unlock god like magic for the last mage standing, but the wish granting thing is what pulls everybody in."

"And this, Tokiomi Tohsaka, was one of the mages set to participate in the Holy Grail War?" Erza asked.

I nodded, "Yes, he had acquired the fossil of the first snake to ever shed its skin to summon the ghost of humanity's first and mightiest hero, King Gilgamesh of Uruk."

"But _you _got a hold of the fossil to summon him," Erza mused, "So you summoned him and entered the Holy Grail War?"

I nodded, "That's right. King Gilgamesh was an _immensely _powerful wizard, easily as powerful as Master Precht and probably a lot stronger. Thanks to his clairvoyance, he knew the entire situation as soon as he materialized back into the world. He knew why I had summoned him, who the other mages were, what spirits they summoned, and the real kicker, which was that the Grail had been corrupted in the previous war and would turn any wish made with it into the end of the world with the full power of _two _rituals to make it happen."

I laughed lightly, "His Majesty was having absolutely none of it. He set me straight in less than twenty minutes and set about preparing to put an end to the Holy Grail Wars once and for all. Thanks to his power, he was able to summon even _more _heroic spirits to aid us. The first one he called was the ghost of Shirou Amakusa Tosada, a Japanese saint. Because Amakusa-sensei was a Japanese spirit, he was much more powerful on Japanese soil, and he wasn't exactly a slouch to begin with. He was summoned into the unused Ruler space, a spirit meant to oversee the Holy Grail War and ensure that nothing messed with the Grail to do something like corrupt it so that it would destroy the entire world if activated."

"Ruler space?" Erza asked.

I nodded, "There were seven classes for the seven spirits to be summoned. King Gilgamesh was summoned into the Caster class, which is wizards like us, although I think you'd probably be a Saber given how much you dig swords. Anyway, the seven classes were Caster, Saber, Archer, Lancer, Rider, Assassin and Berserker, those were the ones supposed to fight for the Grail. There were two more though, Avenger and Ruler. Avengers were spirits so tormented by their lives that their entire existence was devoted to exacting vengeance upon who or whatever wronged them in life. What corrupted the Grail was an Avenger spirit whose grudge was against _the entire world_. Since Amakusa-sensei was a Ruler class, he was able to fix what that Avenger did with some help from King Gilgamesh."

"So, were you able to get your wish?" Erza asked.

I shook my head, "Like I said, King Gilgamesh set me straight. I didn't need my wish anymore in order to be happy again. He did the same thing for Amakusa-sensei, which is why Amakusa-sensei kept helping us even though he _really_ wasn't supposed to. So anyway..."

"Just like that?" Erza demanded, "You gave up on your deepest most heartfelt wish just like that?! What was it?!"

My grin vanished as the memory kicked me in the face. I took a deep breath, "Simply put, I wanted to undo my mistake. King Gilgamesh produced a magic mirror which allowed one to look into another world, and he was able to show me a world where I never made my mistake. Where I got her out of the way and saved her, she was living happily with me and my family. It was everything I wanted my wish to be, but King Gilgamesh explained to me that in order for that world where she was alive and healthy and happy to exist, another had to exist where she wasn't because that's just how the multiverse _works_. Even if we won and I made my wish, the instant I did, another world would branch into existence where I didn't, or it didn't work, or something went horribly wrong. So put simply, I _did _make my wish, and at the same time I didn't. I am the me that bore the burden of not so the other me's could. Does that make sense Erza?"

Erza thought hard about it for a minute, and then exhaled, "So you let a different you make the wish by not making the wish? But does that mean you gave up on trying to save her?"

"It means I realized the wish was pointless and to use it like that would be selfish in the extreme," I explained a little heatedly, "I wanted to save her yes. I still want _very badly _to be part of a world where she's alive and happy, but to use such world shaking power on something so small would've been the same as damning everyone else in the world. I _did _make a wish, but that wasn't it. Be patient Erza, we'll get there."

Erza pouted at me but was quiet, so I continued, "After we fixed the Grail, His Majesty started summoning more spirits to aid us in the coming battles, specifically picking spirits he knew would be a good team and make for good match ups against our opponents. The first one he summoned was Queen Semiramis, an ancient sorceress queen known for poisoning the king who murdered her husband to force her to marry him. She was immensely intelligent and an extremely powerful sorceress, but because she was more famous for murdering the king, she was summoned as an Assassin instead of a Caster. She maintained every bit of her magical power though, so she was kind of a hybrid. His Majesty summoned her for her ability to summon the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, a massive flying fortress armed to the teeth and able to spawn an army of powerful skeletal warriors as needed along with several other nifty features. Even now I'm not entirely sure what all it could do, but I know she was borderline invincible in there."

"She sounds…frightening," Erza declared.

I smiled, "She could be, but once she warmed up to you, she was actually very kind. She wound up being the Team Mom, especially once she made friendly with Mo-chan."

"Mo-chan?" Erza asked curiously.

I nodded, "Mordred Pendragon, rightful heir to the throne of Camelot, and our Saber."

I popped up a picture of her with Archive and Erza immediately looked at Mari before pointing to her, "Same person different world?"

I laughed and shook my head, "No, Mo-chan's eyes were green, but you're right, other than that, Mari here's a dead ringer for Mordred. Mordred was the last spirit King Gilgamesh summoned since he figured she'd be the most difficult to convince to be a team player. When he explained that he needed her to take on Lancelot and Artoria, she nearly lost it. It took a _lot _of praise, reassurances and cajolery to get her on board with it, and even then it took her some time to get used to us."

Levy suddenly piped up and startled me, "DID YOU JUST SAY MORDRED AND LANCELOT?!"

I jumped slightly, "Gah! When did you wake up?!"

"About the time you started talking about that queen," Gajeel declared from where he was propped up on his elbow digging in his ear, "I've been awake since you mentioned summoning that Amakusa guy. Where'd Elric and Serena disappear to?"

I shrugged, "Hell if I know. Apparently they had a friend with spatial magic powerful enough to teleport them home on standby and never bothered to mention it."

Gajeel raised an eyebrow and honestly looked kinda bored by the revelation, "Seriously? That's nuts. Where'd ya get the sword? What happened while I was out?"

"Natsu knocked down that big tree and unleashed the end of the world," I replied equally calmly, "I broke out my secret weapon here, tried to stop it, failed. The greatest dragon slayer in the world showed up and took care of it. I've had the sword the whole time but it was transformed into a pocket knife. Did you get the bit about me finally getting rid of that memory block?"

"The impossible one you mentioned to me, Jet and Droy on July 16th?" Levy asked, "So it _was _an actual memory block?"

I nodded, "Erased about ten percent of my life before age 12 and almost the entirety of the event that led to it being put on me. Specifically, it made me forget everything I knew about magic, especially the fact that it existed. I was actually a pretty talented little fucker! Boggles the mind, I know. Long recap short, I went halfway around the world and got mixed up in a battle royal between mages and the ghosts of heroes over the rights to a wish granting device."

"Nah, pull the other one, it plays Jingle Bells," Gajeel replied dryly.

"Give me a better explanation for the _orbital artillery cannon and magic sword_," I replied sharply.

Gajeel opened his mouth to reply and then closed it back, "Carry on."

I nodded, "Thank you. Anyway, yes Levy. The ghost of King Arthur, or rather Artoria because of some genderbender nonsense Merlin dropped on her to help shut up the questions from the people who had reservations about a lady king, was one of the seven ghosts summoned to fight over a wish. Lancelot was another. My ghost, King Gilgamesh…"

"SO YOU DID MEET KING GILGAMESH!" Levy exclaimed.

I smiled, "Yes, I was his apprentice for a short while."

"SO COOL!" Levy squealed.

Gajeel just looked at her, "Seriously?"

Levy swatted him lightly, "Shut up, that's amazing!" Then she turned back to me and waved with a huge excited grin, "Continue!"

I smiled, "So anyway, since His Majesty knew we were up against Artoria and Lancelot, he summoned Mordred," I popped up the picture again, "Yes also a girl because she was literally a clone of Artoria, artificially aged up by her mother Morgan le Fey."

Levy and Gajeel both looked at the picture for a moment and then Levy leaned over to look past me at Mari, "Is that…?"

I snorted with a small smile, "Apparently I'm not the only one who saw the resemblance. Erza asked the same thing. No, that's not her. Mari there has brown eyes, Mo-chan had green."

"Oho, _Mo-chan _is it?" Levy asked with a teasing grin. I blinked at her flatly, of course the resident polyglot knew Japanese honorifics.

"I'm getting there," I replied, "Be patient." Levy pouted at me a little before scooting back over to her seat and waiting impatiently. I smirked lightly, "So anyway, after Queen Semiramis," I expanded the screen to include pictures of her, King Gilgamesh and Amakusa-sensei, all labeled, "King Gilgamesh summoned the ghost of the demigod Karna to act as our heavy hitter. Karna was the son of the Sun god of India, and his raw power easily rivaled King Gilgamesh at his strongest. The only way anyone ever beat him in life was by tricking him into giving up his invincible armor. Even then he was such a good guy that the _god_ who tricked him felt like crap and gave him a divine spear that could blow up a planet if he went all out with it as an apology. Karna never used it, but he had it, and he was a world class badass even without it, so Karna was our backup in case His Majesty's other plans didn't work out." The screen expanded to include Karna.

"Next up was the huntress Atalanta," my screen expanded to show her, "She wasn't summoned to fight in the Holy Grail War, but rather to hunt down and exterminate a serial killer who was loose in the city and had made a habit of killing entire families. She didn't take much persuading, the hard part was getting her to stay put long enough to hear the plan, but once we had her, the next member of our team was a piece of cake to convince." The screen expanded again, "The son of her friend Peleus…"

"OH MY GOD YOU TRAINED WITH ACHILLES?!" Levy exclaimed excitedly.

The rest of us blinked at her in surprise. "I'm honestly a little surprised you know who he is," I admitted, "but yes, Achilles himself was our next recruit. He had looked up to Atalanta quite a lot in his childhood, so when presented with a chance to work alongside her and a chance to face down a king who had never been defeated in battle, he couldn't say "_HELL YES!"_ fast enough."

"Did he win?" Gajeel asked as he munched on a mouthful of nails that he'd pulled from a bag.

I blinked at him and then, "I'm getting there. You people are not good at this whole 'patience' thing are you?"

"What was your first clue?" they chorused.

I sighed, "Anyway, next up was Crazy Uncle Willy, better known as the famous playwright William Shakespeare. Biggest damn _ham _you've ever seen, but brilliant at screwing with people's heads. That was actually the core of his magical abilities. He couldn't do anything but mess with people's heads, but he could do it well enough as a Heroic Spirit to bring down anybody we pointed him at with nothing but words." The smug, trolling-ass grin my memory of Uncle Willy painted across the screen should've been all the proof anyone needed that he was a grandmaster of mind fucks.

"And then finally Mordred," I explained as her image popped up to complete the roster, "Like I said, she took a little convincing, but due to some certain requirements of our ah, _playstyle_, she was definitely crucial."

"What requirements?" Erza asked.

I blushed, "Well, to put it simply the spirit-mage contract wasn't _made _for one mage to be able to maintain eight spirits at once, it only pulls enough power from the mage for _one. _So since all eight were linked and drawing from _me, _we needed a way to draw the power out faster. The best way to do that is through bodily fluids." I let that hang in the air for a moment, really hoping I wasn't going to have to explain.

"You mean like blood?" Erza asked curiously.

"Blood…" I agreed before adding, "or spit…" _Deep breath Jerry, you can do this,_ "…or semen."

Silence reigned for a full minute and then…

"DUUUUUDE! THAT'S SO MESSED UP!" Gajeel cackled as he promptly started rolling around on the ground laughing his ass off while I blushed as crimson as Erza's hair. Levy looked like I had slapped her with a wet fish out of nowhere and I couldn't even bear to look at Erza. "NO WONDER THAT KING SUMMONED A PRINCESS FOR YOU TO FUCK! IT WAS THAT OR TAKE IT UP THE ASS! GIHIHIHIHIIII!" He rolled around on the ground giggling for about a minute before he realized, "Oh shit wait _you fucked a princess?!_"

I still couldn't bear to look up as I admitted, "Mo-chan and I had an intensely intimate and physical relationship, yes."

If it were possible to actually die from laughing too hard, Gajeel would've been dead two or three times over as he pounded the ground. "_An int…An intensely intimate and physical relationship?!_" he wheezed, "_OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A DORK! HOHOHOLY SHIT! KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD! HAHAHAHA!"_

"SO IN BETWEEN THE FIGHTING I GOT MY SPIRIT MERGED WITH THE GHOST OF THE MOST POWERFUL PHARAOH WHO EVER LIVED, LEARNED HOW TO FIGHT AND GOT A MAGIC SWORD. We kicked ass. We won. We used the wish make sure no child would ever suffer again. _THE END._" I declared loudly, my face slightly less crimson but not by much.

A moment later as Gajeel finally got control of himself, I exhaled, "The spirit merging thing is also why my magic manifests the way it does. I'd have a much stronger affinity for star magic than sun magic if I hadn't had my spirit merged with my far distant ancestor Ozymandias the Sun King. However since I was, my magic now manifests as sunlight with the explosive properties of Ozymandias's Dendera Light, and because he had over a hundred kids and ushered in an era of peace and economic prosperity, I also have an affinity for mental magic which is why I got the rare Desire branch of Light magic instead of just generic make stuff go boom magic. Oh, and I've ever since felt a strange love of card games that I don't really get, but I enjoy it so I'm not questioning it. Any further questions?"

"So, did you know your spirit had merged with the ghost of an ancient pharaoh when we went to that costume party?" Levy asked curiously.

I shook my head, "At some subconscious level I did, but I only chose that costume because I was already covered in bandages."

"What's the sword got to do with it though?" Gajeel asked.

"I was dating one of the strongest knights who ever lived while half a dozen legendary warriors were scouring the city with intent to kill me," I replied dryly, "Do you really think I could've gone through that _without _learning how to use a sword? They only merged me with Ozymandias because of how tough the opposition was. It kicked my magic levels up to ten times what they naturally were, which is about what I had when I arrived at Fairy Tail. The increased flow to my magic circuits caused them to permanently manifest, which is why this mark is here." I tapped the oddly shaped scar around my eye, "It's not a scar like we thought, it's actually my magic circuits. I wouldn't be surprised if they manifested across my whole body when I hit a hundred percent."

"I thought it was a tattoo," Gajeel declared offhandedly.

"If they went to all that trouble to help you and make you stronger though," Levy mused, "And you were as tough as you were when you arrived at Fairy Tail, then how'd you get a memory block?"

I smiled thinly, "After we won, right before he headed back to the afterlife, King Gilgamesh erased all record of me being a mage and buried my memories to protect me from the Mage's Association. If word had gotten back to them about me having inherited the power of a mage from the Age of Gods, then they would've slapped me with a Sealing Designation in a heartbeat, twelve year old kid or not. I'd have been _damn_ lucky to be married off to someone I didn't even know to start a powerful bloodline, and more probably I'd have been stuffed in a padded cell and used as a lab rat while they tried to figure out how to replicate the procedure." I sat back and snorted lightly, "Did I mention that the world is run by _assholes_ back home?"

"But, what about your wish?" Erza asked after a moment, "Didn't you say that you had used your wish to ensure no child could ever be hurt again?"

I exhaled angrily, "If only it were that simple. We couldn't just wish for children to be impossible to harm, that would lead to children being used as soldiers because they'd be invincible. Every other blanket simple wish like that would lead to something similar. The best we could do was place a protective enchantment over the children of the world so that nobody could ever turn upon them with angry or harmful intentions, except in self defense to keep any psycho kids from abusing it, or involve them in things that would harm them. That saved a lot of them, but at most, I'm certain it wasn't more than ninety percent, and it didn't do anything for the children who were sick or starving. Something like a Sealing Designation technically isn't harmful intentions, if anything it's a horribly thorough attempt to _preserve_ the person in question, like some gods forsaken _museum specimen_," I spat, "That's no way to live."

"We did a great thing," I declared quietly, "but it wasn't enough."

Then King Gilgamesh's words echoed back to me and I smiled, "So I'll keep the truth of that one world where we _could_ do enough tucked close to my heart, and help however I can."

Then a thought occurred to me, "By the way Gajeel, did we ever have that rematch?"

Gajeel blinked at the non-sequitur, then he sat up, "No we didn't! You wanna go?"

I shook my head, "Not right now, I have to keep these two stable or their wounds could open back up, but yes sometime soon we should do that. What was that you were doing earlier that turned your hair white?"

Gajeel immediately puffed up proudly, "Divine Steel Dragon Mode! Erza gave me a holy sword and I was able to amp my power to ten, no, a _hundred _times what it ever was before!" Then he ran a hand through his hair, "Seems like it's worn off now though." Then his face snapped back to a grin as he raised an excited fist of challenge, "Whatever, I'll still kick your ass!"

I snorted, "I'll look forward to our rematch then. I'm eager to see how I stack up now that I'm at full power and have all my memories ba-easy there Mari. I know it hurts but don't squirm."

Mari had just come awake with a gasp of pain and was trying to curl up around the massive (if well stitched) wound in her gut. Mari looked at me, clearly trying not to scream and cry in pain and I looked around, "Anybody got any anesthetic?"

"I got a fist," Gajeel supplied bluntly as he raised the fist in question.

Levy swatted him and pulled out a medical kit from her extradimensional pocket, "Right here." She set it down, opened it and quickly tossed me a small bottle of grayish brown powder, "About a teaspoon of that should do it." I caught the bottle and extracted the recommended amount with my telekinesis before hovering it over to Mari's mouth, "Say ah."

"Ah?" She asked and then flinched in surprise as the powder dropped into her mouth. I could've just dropped it, but that would've triggered a coughing fit, so instead I made it stick to her tongue. She promptly stuck her tongue out a little with an expression of pure disgust, "'At's sfo nafty…"

"Nasty but effective. It's gotten me through a few gunshot wounds. Nothing as nasty as what happened to you, but it's all we've got," Levy declared as she walked over and uncorked a canteen, quickly kneeling to give Mari a drink, "Here, this'll help get the taste out of your mouth."

Mari sipped a bit of the water as best she could and when she was done she looked around at us, "So…I'm guessing since the sun's shining we won?"

I nodded and Levy declared brightly, "Largely thanks to you. If you hadn't burst in when you did, Lucy wouldn't have been able to summon Taurus and we would've all been dead before help could arrive!" Then a thought visibly crossed her mind and she looked up at me, "We didn't drop Lucy's keys anywhere did we?"

I shook my head, "She hasn't moved from where she dropped, they should be right here in her…" I blinked as I realized both of Lucy's hands were empty, "…hand?"

A look of horror crossed Erza's face and she immediately started patting Lucy down, searching for the keys and going steadily paler. I felt my chest tighten, "Erza, why do you look like you just realized something really _really_ bad and I'm really _really_ hoping you didn't because if you just thought what it sounded like you did and oh fuck…"

Erza looked up at me with a look of absolute horror on her face and I went pale, "Oh shit…Don't tell me…"

"Serena was a Celestial Wizard…" Erza whispered in horror, "from one of the most infamous _dark guilds_ in Ishgar…"

"**_WHAT?!" _**Levy and Gajeel chorused as something like a ball of ice settled into my gut.

…

* * *

...

A Few Hours Later

...

* * *

…

The locals woke up before Lucy did, and it took everything we had to not stop them from throwing a party. Instead we just asked for a quiet place and quickly explained what had happened. The man we learned later to be the highest ranking noble after the young king had been killed by the High Priestess a few years earlier had been very gracious and understanding, so we were quickly escorted to a room in the royal palace with very soft beds for Lucy and Mari to rest in. I took turns with Erza sitting cross legged between them to keep their wounds held tightly shut since we had the best telekinesis of the group.

Natsu, Happy and Miguel all woke up around the same time, and we were surprised to learn that Natsu had absolutely no memory of what had happened after he was yanked into the blood pool. When we told him about Lucy's keys, it took me and Gajeel both to stop him from charging off to go find Serena and Elric and talk sense into him. He'd stayed put, but he was visibly not pleased about it.

The news hit Miguel so hard that he couldn't even get excited about seeing the city, but we sent him out with Gajeel and Leo to guard him anyway. "You're our client Miguel, but I believe this is an internal matter," Erza informed him rather sternly, "And for the sake of Lucy's pride and dignity as a wizard, I'd rather not leave you with the memory of what she's going to be like when she finds out. Please, go with Gajeel and Loke and see the city. We'll be here when you get back, and Jerry will give you a calling card if you need any assistance. This is your dream Miguel," she added quietly, "You shouldn't spend this time in here brooding with us."

Miguel didn't particularly like it, but since Gajeel and Leo picked him up under the armpits and carried him out the door, he really didn't have much say in the matter. That left just me, Erza, Levy, Natsu, Happy and Dimaria, grimly waiting for Lucy to wake up in one of the grimmest silences I'd ever experienced.

We had kind of hoped that Lucy wouldn't notice right away when she woke up. Of course she did, and I knew as I heard the sheer horror and fear and rage and sorrow screaming through every fiber of her being that the only thing I could do to calm her down was knock her out, which would only delay the inevitable, or wait it out.

I had honestly been fully expecting her to lash out the instant she understood that nobody would pull such a horrid prank on her. It was a reasonable expectation for someone who had just lost several family heirlooms, a slew of friends and the only magic she knew all in one fell swoop.

That didn't make it any easier to endure as I firmly held her down with my telekinesis to keep her from ripping her wound open and bleeding out in her fury.

Her lip trembled for a moment and I couldn't even look at her as it sank in. Then I all but heard her snap as she scrunched her eyes shut suddenly and demanded in a very ugly and cold voice, "Let me up Jerry."

"No," I replied quietly.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?" Lucy demanded as she started struggling against my telekinetic hold, her magic bucking and straining trying to break her loose, "I SAID _LET ME UP! GET YOUR GODDAMN HAND OFF ME RIGHT NOW AND LET ME UP!"_

"I heard you perfectly," I declared sharply, "And my answer stands: You. Are staying. PUT. If you get up right now, your wound _will_ open and you _WILL_ _DIE._"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT!" Lucy shouted, "I'M GOING TO GET MY KEYS!"

"And how exactly are you going to do that Lucy?" Erza asked in a stony voice from where she was propped against the wall, with her arms crossed and her fingers squeezing her armor so hard I thought it might leave dents. She raised her gaze to meet Lucy's and said, "Serena is one of the most talented and formidable dark wizards on the continent. She and Elric are each strong enough to take down _entire guilds_ by themselves, and there are four more of equal or greater strength with them. Even if you _could _catch up to them and confront them as you are now, you would beyond any shadow of a doubt die. You are very lucky Serena did not slit your throat when she had the chance."

Lucy went still and Levy picked up quietly, "Loke checked with the other spirits as soon as we found out. Serena's killed over a _dozen_ other Celestial Wizards for their keys, including two Zodiac holders. If you had been conscious and tried to resist, she probably would've killed you too. We were up to our necks in monsters, there's no way we could've stopped her if she'd decided to hurt you."

Lucy would've been trembling with impotent fury if I hadn't been restraining her. Then Natsu spoke up, "You're alive and that's…"

Lucy promptly broke my telekinetic hold enough to twist her head and glare at Natsu. "_Don't you dare even speak to me," _she hissed.

The rest of us looked at her in growing worry as Natsu and Happy recoiled in shock. "Wha…?" Natsu tried to force a smile and held his hands up in a peaceful gesture, "L-lucy, c-calm down, w-we're friends right?"

"HELL NO WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!" Lucy shrieked, "I BLAME YOU ENTIRELY FOR THIS! IF YOU AND THAT DAMN CAT HADN'T LURED ME INTO THAT STUPID S-CLASS QUEST I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE RIGHT NOW, I'D STILL HAVE MY KEYS, AND-"

"_And the world would've ended this morning," _Dimaria interjected sharply, her expression clearly conveying that she'd had enough of Lucy's rant.

Lucy turned her head over and went to snap at her, and Dimaria promptly had her by the throat, earning stunned and worried looks from all of us. "Allow me to introduce myself," she declared as Lucy went bug eyed with fear at the calm steely gaze meeting hers, "I am Dimaria Yesta. My entire city, and everyone in it, including every friend and family member I ever had, **_is dead_**. I was given one mission when my mother died right in front of me: Protect our sacred relics and our city's knowledge. I came out of hiding to join your team because this handsome man keeping you and me alive right now stuck his neck out and faced down an army to keep them from ransacking my city. I got stabbed _fifteen times in the gut this morning trying to protect you,_" she continued with a falsely serene smile masking her own steely fury, "And when I woke up, two of the seven sacred artifacts entrusted to me which mean more to me than my life and _certainly _more than yours, were stitched into my gut _and yours."_

All of us were knocked reeling by the revelation as Dimaria's eyes snapped wide open and her expression went from false serenity to utterly incandescent fury, "_So, _if you're going to go haring off half-cocked after one of the most dangerous wizards on the continent, with no plan, no training, no leads and no chance of winning, then I'll be taking my family's lacrima back before you go to ensure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, _by ripping it out of you any way I can_. And rest assured," she added as she raised a hand and a small bubble of whirling dark air and crackling lightning manifested around her fist, "_I am a LOT more practiced and in tune with this magic than you are._"

Silence reigned and Lucy was frozen stiff with fear. I added another thing to the list of stuff Mari had in common with Mordred: _killer _glare.

Dimaria turned her head back to face the ceiling with a sigh and lowered her hand as the miniature storm flickered out, calmly retracting her other hand from around Lucy's throat and folding both hands gently over the one I had resting just above her wounds, "So, I recommend you rest up, heal and when you can move without killing yourself, learn to use the magic Serena stole from me to give you in exchange for those keys you're so worried about. Then, when you're actually strong enough to _do _something about it, we'll all help you find her and take your keys back. Until then, you have no leads, and you are in no shape to go get any. So lie still and heal for now. Your spirits aren't dead like my family. They've just been taken, but you'll never get their keys back if you go and get _yourself_ killed because you were too impatient to let your nearly lethal gut wound heal."

She exhaled slowly and gave me a gorgeous sunny smile that under normal circumstances probably would've knocked me flat, "Jerry? Can you help me sleep? I'm feeling a little worn out right now."

I smiled, "Of course." A gentle wave of sleep magic washed over her and a few moments later she was snoring lightly. I looked at Lucy, "You should rest too. I'm not sure if you need to be eating, but I'll try to stave off any hunger you're feeling with my magic."

Lucy gave me a glare like she wanted to break down in tears, to protest and rant and scream, but instead she just glanced away and muttered, "Fine." A quick pulse of sleep magic and she was out, which freed me up to pay attention to Levy trying to console Natsu and Happy who were both crouched in the corner with dark clouds over their heads.

She tried to assure them that Lucy hadn't meant it, but the thing I was more concerned about hoping she didn't mean was the last bitter thought I'd heard run through her mind before I zonked her: _I wish I'd never joined this stupid guild._

…

* * *

...

Later

...

* * *

…

The citizens of Mattachu were immensely grateful. Apparently they had known what rested beneath their great tree, so they knew how close the world had come to oblivion when it fell. We made sure not to mention Natsu was the one who had finished knocking it over and were very pleasantly surprised when we learned it had survived and was growing again as it was meant to.

We were offered vast riches as thanks, so many gold bowls and cups and swords and trinkets that I couldn't even begin to count them. We wound up only accepting one unique item each though, as once we'd explained to them that the gold itself was very valuable in Fiore but that we'd feel awful selling anything they gave us as a reward, they started prying up the golden bricks that paved the plaza around the Great Tree and loaded them onto my card cart for us! It was enough gold that I had to let Erza take over maintaining Mari and Lucy's wounds while Levy and I tried to calculate how much would actually be beneficial without completely flooding the market and driving prices down, because by our very quick calculations, there was almost _twelve thousand tons_ of gold just in those pavers because they were _solid._

Eventually we settled on ten bricks each, which totaled out to about 1.25 tons of gold _each_. After a quick telepathic conversation, Levy and I tacked an extra brick on to cover Natsu's debts because not doing so when we could would've been just plain too damn mean. We sealed it all into Card Dimensions for safe keeping and then tucked the cards into our extra dimensional pockets, each quite firmly aware that we'd just become billionaires.

After that, the tricky bit became convincing Miguel to wait a month after our return to publicize Mattachu's existence so that we could actually convert our haul to cash before the inevitable price plummet the city's existence would trigger. He didn't like it, but he agreed. He liked it slightly better when we floated the notion that it would take time to round up the press and all the Archaeological big wigs and everyone else, as well as pointing out that if we gave it a month then we'd have time to set up communications and a trade route to Mattachu. We floated the idea of building a rail road to Mattachu, and Miguel nearly fainted with glee when he realized we actually could. The people of Base Camp were equally overjoyed and joined in the party with the people of Mattachu as soon as we hooked them up with a good road.

We spent the next week heading back the way we'd come, Gajeel and I using Earth and Iron Make to construct an elevated railroad all the way back to the port we'd landed at in Minstrel. Levy's assistance proved immensely valuable since she could use Blackout Mode with the desert sun to give her enough power to create ton after ton of iron for Gajeel to eat so that he could keep going, and the light itself was all I needed.

Even though Lucy sulked and spent most of the trip not speaking to anyone, she grudgingly admitted that our progress was amazing and that her father would give probably half his fortune to have a building crew like us. The way we were literally flying along with railroad seemingly springing into existence of its own accord behind us was something to behold. "Even if there hadn't been any gold, we could be the richest guys in the kingdom in a year just doing work like this!" Gajeel laughed as we ran along with iron rails popping into existence behind us as stone rose to form a perfect road in front of us.

…

* * *

...

Dimaria revealed after a few days of inexplicably quick healing that the lacrima that had been implanted in her and Lucy both possessed powerful healing magic, which was actually what she'd used to heal Natsu after his run in with the Phosphor-mites. "I was a little leery of using it at first since it feels a lot more intwined with my body than it did before," she admitted, "But once I was sure it was still working like it used to, I decided to start trying to speed the healing up. It'll still take about two weeks or so before I'm fully recovered, but Lucy should be done in about a week and a half. We'll still need to take it easy, but if I'm able to keep this up for a few more days, then we won't be _absolutely_ screwed if we have to run or fight."

"What kind of magic is that?" Levy asked, "It whips up storms _and_ heals you?"

Mari smiled, "Oh it's the magic of our Storm God, the dragon Notus. The one in Lucy is from his brother the Snow God Dragon Boreas." Natsu and Gajeel's heads both immediately whipped around and we all stared at her in shock as her words registered. Silence reigned for a second and Mari asked nervously, "Is…something wrong?"

"Do you know the Sky Dragon Grandeeny?" Gajeel asked quickly.

"The sister of Lords Notus and Boreas?" Mari asked, "I know _of _her, but I never had the chance to actually _meet _any of them. Um, why do you ask?"

"Our little sister Wendy is Grandeeny's daughter," Natsu explained, "We thought if you knew Notus and Boreas then maybe you'd have some idea where Grandeeny and Wendy are."

Dimaria's jaw dropped, "Wait, _who are you two again?!_"

"Natsu Dragneel, son of the Fire Dragon Igneel!"

"Gajeel Redfox, son of Metallicana!

Dimaria nearly fainted, "I'm friends with the sons of the Fire Dragon King and the Iron Dragon Lord?"

Natsu and Gajeel both looked at each other in confusion and revealed that they hadn't actually known of their fathers' respective titles. This led to Dimaria telling them several legends about Igneel and Metallicana's exploits and by the end of the evening, Dimaria was dubbed their sister. Dimaria was absolutely adorable with how completely flustered by the notion that she should count as Notus's daughter, but Natsu and Gajeel were adamant that her having his magic and being the last of a family he favored so heavily meant she was effectively his daughter the way they were Igneel and Metallicana's sons.

"Does that mean Lucy is Lord Boreas's daughter?" Dimaria asked, clearly having trouble with the whole notion still.

Natsu and Gajeel looked at Lucy, who was pretending to not listen and still sullenly pouting, then they chorused, "Nah." Lucy made a face and Natsu declared, "She's some relative of Anna-sensei's, so while she _is _a Dragon Slayer now, she's not a dragon's kid the way we are. Besides, it would be totally weird if she was my sister."

"Why would it be any weirder than me?" Dimaria asked curiously.

"'Cause Flame-brain here's had a crush on Lucy since the moment they met," Gajeel answered with a crooked grin.

Lucy and Natsu both looked like they'd been slapped. "DUDE! NOT COOL!" Natsu shouted, "SHE'S ALREADY PISSED AT ME, DON'T MAKE IT WORSE!"

"Don't worry Natsu," Lucy said quietly, "Nothing can make this worse."

Suffice to say _that_ killed the mood straight away.

…

* * *

...

The next day, we paused our construction around midmorning and asked Dimaria if she wanted to run the railroad by Mildian, but she revealed that her final act upon leaving was to conceal the entire city in a time stop using a spell left to them by the god of time.

"Nobody will ever hurt my home," she'd declared quietly, "I brought all the books and everything, but the city itself has been lifted from the time stream. I know it might not be what my family wanted, but I think they all knew it was the only way I'd ever be able to leave." She was quiet for a little while after that, but I could tell it was weighing heavy on her, so I gave her a gentle hug. Then she nearly gave me a stroke as she promptly fainted.

It didn't even occur to me that she'd fainted because she was happy. Then I saw the giddy grin on her face and Levy and Erza started giggling. Lucy just huffed and looked away in disgust. I suddenly remembered the kiss she'd given me right before the Shadow Giant attacked and then I was blushing too. Gajeel, Natsu and Miguel making little "Whoowhoowhoo!" noises and pumping their fists didn't help, especially with Happy singing gleefully, "_She liiiiikes yooooou!"_

Dimaria was horribly embarrassed when she woke up, but thankfully Erza was able to settle the teasing down rather quickly, so we just spent the rest of the day trying hard not to give them any more ammunition. It wasn't too hard since I was on the ground building railroad with Gajeel and she was on the Card Car with everyone else resting.

The government of Minstrel was quite pleased to say the least when we made it back to the port we'd arrived at and explained it to them that we'd connected a lost city in the mountains to the port. We didn't tell them it was Mattachu on the other end since we didn't want the word to spread too soon, but we were sure they'd find it a pleasant surprise. Going by foot or wagon, even with the paved path, would take several weeks, and it would also probably take a few weeks to get a train set up. Even once that happened, it would still take time for word to make it across the sea, and even more for it to be believed. We cashed out a few pounds of the gold we'd gotten from Mattachu to fund a trip back across the sea to Fiore and a week later we were stepping off the boat at Hargeon.

…

* * *

...

We made it back to Hargeon on September 26th and immediately contacted Master with Archive to let him know that we'd made it back, the mission was a total success and we were taking Miguel home before heading back to the Guild Hall.

"YOU FINISHED THE DECADE QUEST IN A MONTH AND A HALF?!" he exclaimed and all the noise behind him _stopped_.

Then we heard what sounded like the entire guild roar, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"And we got a new recruit!" I declared brightly as I gently guided Dimaria into view, "This is Dimaria! She's a Storm Dragon Slayer." I left off the bit about the five _other _insanely powerful lacrima in her possession. There was no telling who might be listening, and one set of powerful magic items getting stolen out from under my nose was _plenty_ for one lifetime, and judging by what Mari had told us, her lacrima were a _lot _more powerful than Lucy's keys.

Master blinked and then a look of dread settled over his face, "Oh gods, how much debt are we in?"

Dimaria blinked in confusion and Erza smiled smugly, "Not a single jewel more than we were when we left, and we got enough of a haul to pay off the _entire guild's _debt."

I think Master's brain broke a little right then if the way his mouth flapped mutely and his face went as pale as his hair in shock was anything to go by. "Is he alright?" Dimaria asked me quietly.

Master suddenly snapped back to a healthy complexion, "Let me get all this straight. You finished a decade quest in a month and a half. You found another dragon slayer who wants to join us. One of you, I'm guessing either Jerry or Erza, bounced the Etherion into the moon and branded our guild mark onto it. And to top it all off, you got enough money from this mission to pay off the _entire guild's debts?!_"

"And enough left over to make everyone who went on this quest a billionaire," Levy added with a grin.

Master looked like a fish out of water for almost a full minute and then he leapt to his feet, threw his hands in the air and shouted at the top of his lungs, "**_FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYBODY! LET'S PAAARTYYY! WE ARE FAIRY TAIL!" _**he bellowed as he pumped his fist,**_ "WE EAT IMPOSSIBLE FOR BREAKFAAAST!_**"

"**AND SHIT IT OUT ON IMPROBABILITY!"** the whole guild cheered back.

I blinked, "Is that our new motto?"

"YER DAMN RIGHT IT IS!" Master cheered, "CANA! GILDARTS! GET THE BOOZE!" He looked at us, "IF WE'RE NOT STILL GOING WHEN YOU ALL GET BACK THEN WE'LL START FRESH WHEN YOU GET HERE! SEE YOU SOON! WAAAHAHAHAHA! PAAARTYYY!"

So saying, he dove off out of sight and we all started trading high fives. We'd had our victory for two weeks now, but the news about Lucy's keys and the worry of her and Mari's wounds had made it feel a little bit hollow. Hearing Master start the celebration party made it really hit us that we'd won.

Victory is sweet.

…

* * *

...

The Next Day

...

* * *

…

Jean Darc was sitting on a bench at the train station with an umbrella, the same way she'd been when we arrived in Thistleton the first time. Just like then, it was raining. She looked up and her eyes went wide as she saw us come in for a landing. She immediately ran over to us, "You're back already?"

I smiled, "Well, we _are _wizards after all. Before you get too excited though, there's someone who wants to see you."

Gajeel and Natsu stepped out of the way, and Miguel stepped down onto the platform, his eyes going wide as he realized who was there, "Jean?"

Jean's eyes went wide, "Miguel?"

"JEAN!"

"MIGUEL!"

It was something right off the silver screen as the two long lost lovers all but flew into each other's arms. I'm not sure who was more excited by the extremely romantic reunion, Erza, Levy or Mari. I had another round of high fives with Gajeel, Natsu and Happy with a huge grin on my face.

I'd known old Doc Whistler was limber, but it still surprised the hell out of me when he jumped three feet in the air and ran to hug his grandson, the years of worry and pain seeming to melt away as he sobbed into Miguel's shirt.

It put a smile on my face that lasted for hours. We didn't accept the reward, given how much we'd brought home from Mattachu, it would've been barely pocket change anyway. "Put it towards the wedding," Erza'd instructed them with a smile.

…

* * *

...

**==QUEST COMPLETE==**

...

* * *

…

We could've flown back, but I'd been awake for twelve hours and keeping us in the air for four. Flying us back after that would've been risky, and it wasn't like we _couldn't_ afford to book an entire train car. Hell, we could've bought the whole train if we'd wanted to!

Natsu wasn't pleased about it, but then Mari put an anti-seasickness spell on him like what the captain on the cruise ship had used and he was ready to go. Lucy had been quiet all day and went straight to the private sleeper compartment we'd booked for her before locking the door without a word. The rest of us headed down to the dining car, and we were very pleased to find Risley working the bar. A few hours of celebratory feasting and regaling Risley with the tale of our quest to Mattachu later, we were all fat, happy and in the cases of everyone but Erza, more than a little bit tipsy.

So even though it should have set every alarm bell in our heads screaming, nobody noticed the man in white enter the car until he was standing right next to us. Erza looked up at the sound of her name and as her face went ghostly pale in horrified shock, the alarm bells started ringing. My head snapped around, I was still sober enough to understand that if Erza looked scared, something really bad was about to happen.

"I hope you've had fun," the blue haired man with the alarmingly familiar face declared with a bright smile, "but I'm afraid the party's over."

...

* * *

_..._

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

* * *

_..._

_Superstition, fear, and jealousy…_

"You really threw my plans for quite a loop leaving the country like that Erza…"

**_THE WOUNDS OF THE PAST SCREAM INTO THE PRESENT…_**

_…_

_Dead I am the one, exterminating son!_

**"GET AWAY FROM HER!"**

**_HEARTS BLAZE AS THE NIGHT TURNS WHITE…_**

_…_

_Slippin' through the trees, stranglin' the breeze…_

"I'M NOT LOSING ANYONE ELSE!"

**_WISHES AND REGRETS COLLIDE ON THIS CURSED ISLAND…_**

…

_Dead I am the sky, watchin' angels cry…_

"There's a magic that can revive the dead?!"

**_ONE LAST CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT…_**

…

_As they slowly turn, conquering the worm…_

"If you could go back in time, with the power you have now, what would you do?"

**_IT'S A RACE TO THE TOP BEFORE THE GLASS RUNS OUT OF SAND…_**

…

_DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES, I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULA!_

The shadowy figure's eyes glowed with hatred and rage as it reached for its mask, "**_Allow me to introduce myself…_"**

**_UNSTOPPABLE FURY TAKES THE STAGE AS FAIRY TAIL RACES TO STOP…_**

**_._**

**_THE TOWER OF HEAVEN_**

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**_See you in Hell._**


	39. Ch34: Simple Plan

**AN: _Before we get started on this short little arc, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

**_The watcher earth C-137:_**_ (Bows with supreme smug face) Thank you! Thank you! Honestly I'd be more hyped for this one since its planned formula is 40% badass, 15% curveballs, 10% funny, 15% "OH SHIT!" moments, and 100% over the top. I'm trying to wrap this one up in 3 chapters, so hopefully it's gonna be one helluva ride! :D_

**_Raidentensho:_**_ Nope, no Celestial Magic for Lucy until after she gets her Snow Dragon Slayer Magic under control._

**_dxq897:_**_ Thank you very much, glad you're enjoying! :D_

**_Guest (anon):_**_ If you've made it this far, then you have undoubtedly realized by now that no, this is not a crack fic and yes I do actually take it rather seriously. I just happen to love comedy and as for the concept of TOO MUCH humor in entertainment, "blasphemy!" says I, although as I'm sure everyone's figured out by now, I don't shy away from badassery, romance or emotional moments either. They're all important elements of story telling, and I like my stories absolutely zany and as over the top as possible._

**_Now that that's out of the way, Tower of Heaven Arc, Chapter 1! :D_**

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**Chapter 34 – Simple Plan**

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Before I could get over the shock of the evil twin Mystogan had warned me about sneaking up on me like that, he raised his hand and I had just enough time to think _Oh shit!_ Then he blasted me backwards through the bar, the wine rack and the wall behind it, right out of the train.

I was stunned enough by the impact, the dozens of scratches and splinters digging into my back, and the way my face felt like it was on fire that I couldn't catch myself with my telekinesis. If I hadn't been at nearly ten percent of my magic capacity, the attack and resulting quarter mile crash into the side of a cliff (because of course he did it as we were going over a bridge) and dropping straight down the last twenty feet would certainly have killed me. As was, I got away with nothing but a bloody face and some bruising. It felt like I might've cracked some bones, but it was nothing compared to what Ajeel had done to me.

I peeled myself off the ground and used my telekinesis to force myself upright as well as forcing everything back into place to hopefully minimize the damage. I got myself upright just in time to see a _second _train rocket over the gorge, and realized that whatever Mr. Evil Twin wanted, he had back up. I shot into the air and lit my hands like a pair of searchlights, fully prepared to blow the pursuing train to bits.

Then I realized with horror that the train was completely loaded with hostages. Then something slammed into me from above and drove me into the ground at the speed of a bullet. If I hadn't already been holding myself together with telekinesis, the bastard would've ground my face into hamburger as he grabbed the back of my head and drug me through the dirt over what felt like a three mile skid. As was, all that did was make my face sting and _really _piss me off. I unleashed a full body explosion and ungracefully somersaulted about ten times to kill my momentum, land in a crouch and face my opponent as his grip turned loose.

I was surprised to see that it was Mr. Evil Twin again, glowing with golden light and clapping down at me with the smuggest damn look on his face that I couldn't wait to beat in. "Well, you're quite sturdy aren't you?" he called, "My name is Jellal Fernandes. I'd ask you to stay out of my way and let me take Erza Scarlet, but I have a feeling you're not going to do that are you?"

My response was to attempt to shoot him out of the air, "_I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE. WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ERZA?"_

He slid to the side like it was nothing as my light bolt shot harmlessly past him, "I am going to create a world of true freedom, a paradise. For that to happen, Erza must die."

Ohohoho that was _SO NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER._

If I had been slightly more rational, I would've gone for a precision strike and splattered his brain all over the inside of his skull with my telekinesis or ripped his internal organs out with a portal. As was, his words unexpectedly painted my half-drunk vision blood red, and then I painted the whole area white with a blast comparable to what I'd been throwing at Ajeel and Wall. I don't think I've ever been that angry before, and I don't think I've ever been that angry since. I was so lost in my fury that I honestly can't remember what happened next, so I'm going to have to tell this next bit based on what I was able to gather from Levy and the others.

…

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**Meanwhile**

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The projection of Jellal in the car dug a little wax out of his ear with a bored expression as Natsu, Gajeel and Erza all swung at him. Their blows hit nothing but air and Erza immediately realized, "SHIT! He's using projection magic!"

"That's riiight!" Jellal sang as he casually threw a punch that knocked Gajeel flying backwards and then spun and backhanded Natsu into the bar.

"So how is he still hitting like a wagon of bricks?!" Natsu demanded, "And why's a member of the Magic Council attacking us?!"

"He's _not _a member of the Magic Council!" Erza declared as she drew a blade meant for dealing with ghosts and swung it through the projection's head to no avail, "He's Siegrain's quite literal _evil twin!_"

"SERIOUSLY?!" everyone else in the car shouted.

"Oh your words cut me to the quick Erza," Jellal mocked as he placed a hand over his heart feigning hurt, "All I want is to use you as a human sacrifice to revive Lord Zeref! That's not so evil is it?"

"YES! IT! IS!" Erza shrieked as she flashed through over a dozen different weapons trying to somehow at least disperse the projection which made a great show of making faces and dramatic gestures to mock her with every useless swing. Then she leapt back and Natsu and Gajeel blew the side of the train car out with a combined dragon roar.

Jellal put his thumbs in his ears, wiggled his fingers, stuck out his tongue and crossed his eyes at Natsu, "Nannynannybooboo!"

"WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?! AN IDIOT?!" Natsu roared as he launched a flaming fist at the projection's face.

"Yep!" Jellal declared as his projection spun and put a boot in Natsu's back to send him careening into Gajeel. Then he sprang and planted a kick in Levy's jaw, "This one on the other hand is smart, so nightynight Ms. McGarden!"

"LEVY!" Erza and Dimaria shouted in unison as they lunged to try to protect their friend. Right about then, Jellal's projection took on a very startled look, "Uh-oh…" and disappeared. Erza and Dimaria crashed into each other right as an earth shaking roar of absolute fury rattled the windows and the night sky suddenly burned as bright as day.

Dimaria rubbed her head and grinned, "Whoever that dirtbag was, it sounds like Jerry's about to beat his ass."

She picked herself up and dragged herself over to the window to watch the light show as two streaks of light, one gold and one white, raced through the night sky, slamming into each other and flying apart. So many bolts and beams of energy and pure force flew wildly from the racing lights that the effects of their passing were similar to that of a hurricane. Dimaria allowed herself a small somewhat dreamy smile before turning back to the others with a carefree grin, "Well, I guess that's sorted! Now that Jerry's after him, it shouldn't be any problem no matter who that guy was!"

"Don't be so sure," Erza declared with a concerned frown, "You didn't get a good look at his face did you?"

Dimaria blinked and then went pale, "Wait…you don't mean…"

"MOMENT OF DARKNESS!" "BAD KITTY RESTRAINT TUBE!" "CARD DIMENSION!"

In the space of an instant, all five of them were blinded, bound and sucked through portals. When the darkness cleared a moment later, they realized they had been stuffed into Card Dimensions and Erza went pale as she recognized the young blonde man smiling down at her, "Hi Erza!"

"Sho?" she asked in horror. Then two more very familiar faces leaned into view of her little window to the outside world, "Milliana?! Simon?!"

"Long time no see Erzy-werzy!" "It's good to see you well."

"YOU KNOW THESE GUYS ERZA?!" Natsu and Gajeel demanded in unison.

"Yes, don't harm them!" Erza replied quickly, "They're my friends, Jellal's tricking them!"

"He's not tricking us," Milliana pouted, "_You're _the one that abandoned us."

"ERZA WOULD NEVER ABANDON A FRIEND!" Natsu shouted.

"He's right," Jellal mused as his projection reappeared behind his three unwitting henchmen. Then all three of them collapsed, heavily unconscious with expressions of surprise and pain on their faces, "But you three have served your purposes very well, so I'm afraid I don't need you anymore."

He gathered up the cards containing the Fairy Tail wizards and shuffled through them, perusing his new captives thoughtfully as he casually ignored their shouts of outrage. After a moment he smiled and folded them together before stepping over to the now completely demolished side of the train car.

Just before taking off, he paused and stepped back over to the bar. He leaned over the countertop and snagged a surprisingly still intact bottle from the wine rack. He quickly checked the vintage, "Ooh, Boscan Red! My favorite!"

Then he shot a cheery grin at Risley's cowering form, "If you don't want to die, I suggest you get off this train. It's going to crash in about five minutes. Tata!" Then he took off, leaving his three so called friends and one very frightened bartender to die, along with everyone in the train he'd hijacked to act as a distraction.

They would likely all have died too if a young woman with a katana and a white ribbon in the long dark hair framing her exceedingly furious expression hadn't thrown the door open right that second.

Jellal didn't care, he was flying through the air gleefully singing in an ear gratingly poor voice. He casually swooped by my thoroughly pummeled, scorched and faintly smoking body to show it off in the bottom of the crater he'd left me in. "And it only took one giant meteor and an Abyss Break!" he crowed as horror sank into my friends' guts.

Then he zipped away in a streak of light.

He was long gone by the time I sat up, thoroughly knocked back to my senses and absolutely _furious_. I had almost been cooked and pulverized in the same instant by that spell he shot at me behind the _freakin' METEOR _he threw at me. Master Precht had tried it on me during our testing of my limits though, and while it was difficult, I _was _able to eat it. It still scorched me pretty good and slammed me into the ground before I could devour the last ninety-five or so percent of it.

I wanted nothing more than to go after him, but right about then I realized that someone was trying to stop the two trains with an extremely impressive amount of magic. I shot into the air and it only took me about two seconds to see why: Someone had ripped the tracks up a few miles ahead. They looked like a massive claw had just casually reached under and torn straight through them.

I admit, I was torn for all of five seconds. Chase after the rapidly disappearing speck of light that was my friends being kidnapped, or help whoever that was trying to stop those trains?

It hurt, but I went to stop the trains. Which left me with a very interesting conundrum: _HOW THE HELL DO YOU STOP TWO RUNAWAY TRAINS IN LESS THAN TEN MILES?!_

The smartass answer was immediately obvious to me: _You don't. _

For a moment I was furiously hating my own sarcastic inner monologue, and then I realized that the sarcastic answer actually _was _the right answer. I smacked myself in the forehead, "Duh Jerry…" I snapped my fingers and manifested a portal big enough for the trains to shoot right past the broken tracks. The two trains shot by and I shot down to fly alongside the engines, reaching in with my Devouring magic and absorbing all the heat to extinguish the fires fueling the two runaway trains. A few moments later as I applied my own telekinesis, the wizard in the first train and I were able to haul the trains to a stop. I flew back up high enough to spot the broken tracks and shoved them back into shape with my telekinesis before flying down to find out who was still left.

If I confronted that son of a bitch again, I was _definitely _going to need some kind of back up to get Erza to safety, because I didn't doubt for a second he'd have magic sealing stone on her in an instant. He'd probably drug her too in order to keep her from fighting back, and I fully intended to use everything I had to beat him in the rematch, so I wasn't going to be able to get Erza to safety myself. _Or I could just snipe the son of a bitch from a mile away and be done with it…_ I mused as I floated down to the ripped open dining car, "Sound off, who's not dea-WHOA SHIT!"

I was not expecting the flurry of very pissed off magic flying straight at me, but thankfully it was all much slower than anything that smug rat bastard and I had been throwing at each other, so dodging wasn't much of a problem.

…

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**Meanwhile**

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Levy opened her eyes in her mind space, which she'd manifested as a library, with Erza, Natsu, Happy, Gajeel, Dimaria and Lucy inside on couches and chairs.

"So," Lucy drawled irritably, "Who wants to explain why I just got kidnapped _on top _of everything else that's happened on this trip?"

"Apparently Erza knows the guy," Gajeel declared as he turned his gaze to her, "So Erza, care to share?"

Erza looked like a nervous wreck in the brief instant before she buried her face in her hands, "I am so sorry…I never wanted any of you to get mixed up in this…"

"Mixed up in what?" Lucy demanded, "What kind of bullshit are you and this stupid guild dragging me off into n-" _POW!_

Levy calmly dusted her hands off from where she'd just backhanded Lucy with a wave of mental force hard enough to flip her chair. Everyone else gaped and even Lucy was stunned into silence as she stared at the seemingly calm Solid Script Mage. Levy turned and tilted her head slightly as a _much _too friendly smile appeared on her face, "Lucy, I don't know if you've figured this out yet or not, but I'm going to say it anyway…"

Her eyes snapped open and the entire mindscape suddenly started roiling with flames as Levy's manifestation of herself suddenly turned into something like a blazing demon, "**Yes, you lost your keys. Those were your oldest friends. WE GET IT. _THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE YOU ACTING LIKE A ROYAL _BITCH_ TO ALL YOUR OTHER FRIENDS WHO WERE TRYING THEIR LEVEL BEST TO KEEP YOU ALIVE THE WHOLE TIME. IT _CERTAINLY_ DOES NOT EXCUSE YOU BADMOUTHING OUR GUILD, ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL THE TIMES NATSU AND JERRY HAVE SAVED YOUR LIFE! AND IF YOU THINK THOSE TIMES ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU JOINED US, THEN LET ME REMIND YOU THAT THE FIRST TIME YOU MET A FAIRY TAIL WIZARD WAS NATSU AND HAPPY HELPING JERRY PUT DOWN A GANG OF SLAVERS WHO HAD THEIR EYE ON KIDNAPPING YOU!"_** Lucy looked like Levy had slapped her again with the reminder.

Nobody could do anything but stare in shock as Levy continued, **_"WE CONSIDER YOU OUR FAMILY, AND I _REALLY DON'T CARE_ IF YOUR HOME LIFE SUCKED SO BAD THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU RIGHT NOW THAT IT MEANS YOU'RE EFFECTIVELY MY SISTER AND THAT MEANS THAT I CAN AND _WILL_ BEAT SOME SENSE INTO YOU IF YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BRAT THAT'S ALL SULLED UP BECAUSE SHE JUST GOT SPANKED!" _**

**_"WE ARE IN A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION WITH THE EVIL TWIN OF ONE OF THE TEN WIZARD SAINTS AS OUR OPPONENT,"_** the giant scary fire demon Levy ranted,**_ "OUR BIG GUN JUST GOT KO'ED BY A _GODDAMN METEOR_ AND HIT WITH THE FUCKING _ABYSS BREAK,_ WHICH IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW IS STRONG ENOUGH TO LEVEL ENTIRE TOWNS IN ONE SHOT, SO HE MAY VERY WELL BE DEAD, WE ALL JUST GOT OUR ASSES _HANDED TO US ON A SILVER PLATTER, _AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, OUR LEADER'S ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN! _WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOW YOUR FUCKING BAGGAGE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LET US FIGURE A WAY OUT OF THIS ALIVE OR DO I HAVE TO GET UGLY ABOUT IT?!"**

"'Kay…" Lucy squeaked in terror.

Levy suddenly deflated back to her normal size, albeit still a little red in the face as she exhaled slowly and the flames went out. Everyone else was still staring, but Levy ignored it to turn to Erza, "Erza, can you tell us anything about what's going on?"

Erza shook herself and then took a deep breath before sitting back in her chair, "When I was a little girl, I was kidnapped and the village I called home was burned to the ground. I was taken to an island and made a slave by a cult who sought to resurrect the Black Wizard Zeref by building a massive device known as the R-system."

Erza paused for a moment and mulled over her words, "To make a very long and painful story short because we don't have much time, Jellal was my best friend there, and the three other wizards who apprehended us on the train were our cellmates. We tried to escape, and I was pinned as the mastermind. The cultists took me away to torture me for twenty four hours and before that time was up, my right eye had been gouged out." She raised her hand to cover the eye in question, "This one I have now is a magic prosthetic made by Porlyusica. Jellal broke loose and fought his way to the torture chamber to save me."

She shuddered slightly as she exhaled, "We started a slave revolt intent on gaining our freedom while we still had the strength to fight, but Jellal was captured early on. We fought like our lives depended on it, but they had several wizards who summoned monsters to back them up, and our only magic user was Grandpa Rob, a former teammate of Master Makarov. He gave his life to save mine," Erza declared quietly.

She was quiet for a moment before continuing, "That was the first time I ever used magic, and once I did, we were able to finish the rest of the cult off quickly. By then though, it was too late for Jellal."

She sat back and shot her gaze up at the ceiling, "I don't know what they did to him in there, but by the time I reached the torture chamber, he had gone completely insane. He advocated the exact same plan the cultists had, except he intended to win the loyalty of the slaves by pretending to be their savior and treating them like actual people rather than beating and working them to death. I tried to talk him down, but he had unlocked his own magic as well. He murdered the last two cultists standing, the ring leaders, and when I refused to join him, he threw me off the island, but not before blowing up the boats we had all been planning to use to get back to the mainland."

She grimaced, "I don't doubt for a second that he blamed me for it to win over the others and ensure nobody would try to follow me or ask where I'd gone."

Everyone was by now staring at her in horror as she continued quietly, "I'm sure you're wondering why I never told anyone."

"Seems pretty obvious to me," Gajeel replied bluntly, "He was usin' yer friends as hostages to make sure ya didn't bring the entire country down on him right?"

Erza's head snapped up to look at him in surprise and Gajeel shrugged, "Pretty standard for psychos like him. Juvia and I've had to take down a _lot _of cults and psychos. It was kinda Phantom's specialty, but it sounds like this one you're talkin' about was the biggest and most vicious one I've ever heard of. So," he continued, "I s'pose he's takin' us to that island now?"

Erza nodded grimly, "The R-System requires a human sacrifice to activate."

"And 'cause he had a crush on you, his psychosis has led him to single mindedly obsess over you in your absence and determine you the only person worthy to be the sacrifice that brings about his goal," Gajeel deduced.

Erza's face was torn between blushing and going pale as she and everyone else gaped at him. Gajeel crossed his arms, "When I said 'a lot of cults and psychos', I meant a _LOT_ of cults and psychos."

Erza picked her jaw up off the ground and cleared her throat, "Um, yes, those are probably very accurate deductions. There's more to it though. His twin brother is, as I'm sure you've all realized, Siegrain of the Magic Council."

"And he packs the same kind of magic," Gajeel nodded, "I s'pose yer gonna tell me next that Siegrain's in on it?"

Erza blinked and then raised an eyebrow, "That many huh?"

Gajeel nodded, "_That many, _which means I don't buy this 'twin brother' business for a second. That projection back there was able to physically fight by using remote telekinesis while the real deal was outside scrappin' with Jerry, which means Siegrain probably doesn't exist except as an alias for this nutjob."

Erza froze and then buried her face in her hands as she groaned, "_That explains so much._"

Gajeel nodded, "Yep. Anything else you can tell me about this R-System business?"

Erza lifted her head with a sour expression, "Yes, it's _insane._ The amount of magical energy needed to trigger the spell is over two and a half _billion _Edeas. You could gather every wizard on the continent and you _still_ wouldn't have enough power!"

Gajeel was quiet for a moment and then, "No, you'd only need nine."

Erza's eyes went wide as that sank in and then Levy all but shrieked, "THE ETHERION?! HE'S PLANNING TO USE THE ETHERION TO POWER THAT THING?!"

Natsu, Lucy and Happy stared at her in shock.

Dimaria threw her finger to the sky with a look of mild panic, "That giant ass magic death ray that Jerry bounced into the moon?!"

Gajeel looked at Levy with a raised eyebrow, "Honestly surprised you didn't put that together before I did."

Levy blushed slightly and then, "You are telling me _so many _detective stories when we get out of this."

Natsu had been quiet for several minutes, trying his best to listen carefully. Now he lit his fist and smacked it into his hand with a big grin, "So all we gotta do is bust out of these cards, smash this R-System thing to rubble, beat up Erza's crazy ex-boyfriend, and get the hell off the island right? We've got four dragon slayers, Erza, Levy and Happy! And you _know_ Jerry's gonna be hot on this bastard's tail as soon as he stops that train! THIS IS GONNA BE A PIECE OF CAKE!"

Gajeel pointed at Natsu, "Give this man a prize, he has deduced the best course of action."

"AYE SIR!" Happy cheered.

Gajeel grinned, "Ok, so Shrimp coordinates and broadcasts our location and updates to Jerry, the rest of us wreck house. If Erza's crazy ex tries to stop us, we all gang up on him and kick his ass. That's assumin' Jerry doesn't catch up to us first because I'm pretty sure he's going to want first crack at the bastard, and he _definitely _won't lose now that the element of surprise has worn off. Nobody let Erza near him, he'll definitely try to play with her emotions and use it to sucker punch her."

He stuck his hand out with a broad grin, "Everybody ready for Operation: Flip the Goddamn Table?"

"HELL YEAH!/AYE SIR!" Natsu and Happy exclaimed as they put their hands on top of Gajeel's.

"I'm in!" Levy declared.

"Count me in," Dimaria grinned, "I just got this family, I'm not losing a single one of you to anybody."

Lucy stuck her hand into the stack with a wry little grin, "I think I could get into a little venting my frustrations tonight."

Everybody turned to look at Erza who was staring at them in awe. "Erza?" Levy asked, "You in?"

Tears started to leak from Erza's eyes as a broad smile split her face, "You've all just taken my worst nightmare, ripped all the fear off it and declared your intentions to burn it to the ground…" She promptly grabbed them all up in a giant hug, "YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

…

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**Meanwhile**

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After straightening out the four wizards in the train, they proved surprisingly cooperative. I blinked as the raven haired girl with the katana who I learned was the one that helped me stop the trains flipped out, "ERZA SCARLET WAS ON THIS TRAIN?!"

The rest of us looked at her, "Yeah. So?"

She blushed and couldn't meet our gaze, "Well um, would've liked an autograph…" Then she shook herself and turned back to us with a look that could've given Erza's intensity a run for its money, "So, what's the situation?"

The massive man in the turban who she'd latched onto like a koala going for a piggy back ride blinked and then laughed, "It seems thinking Erza's amazing runs in the family…"

The raven haired girl's face twitched and then she headbutted the back of his head, "_Shut it._" She shook her head afterwards with a red spot already forming on her forehead, "Your head's harder than it used to be."

The big guy just laughed, "That's because there's a steel plate in there little sis. It's a long story, but," he sobered up quickly, "The real issue is that Jellal has Erza and if we don't catch up, he'll activate the R-System."

"What's the R-System?" I asked impatiently, "I'm all for happy family reunions, but my friends are in danger and I want to know what I'm flying into before I go beat that fucker's ass." The brunette girl with cat ears and the scrawny blonde guy sniggered and I shot them a death glare, "_Something funny?_"

They both immediately sat up straight with looks of terror on their faces, "No!"

The big guy cleared his throat, "The R-System is a huge tower designed by the Black Wizard Zeref to perform resurrection magic."

"_There's a magic that can revive the dead?!" _I demanded.

Simon nodded, "Not easily but yes. It requires a human sacrifice of immense magical power on top of a massive amount of external power as well. Jellal claimed he had a plan for the external power, and the person he's planning to sacrifice is Erza. The person he intends to resurrect is the Black Wizard Zeref himself."

"_You were helping that nut?!"_ his little sister demanded in shock.

"Didn't have much of a choice given that he could've killed all of us at the drop of a hat," the big guy retorted, "Anyway, that's the basics of it. He's probably kidnapped your other friends to use as hostages to force Erza to behave."

I scratched my head, "You said he's the twin of one of the Magic Council?"

The big guy nodded and the cat girl chimed in, "That's right, Siegrain the Wizard Saint."

I tapped my foot, "Well we know _that's _a load of crap. Siegrain's an alias, so why's he need to be on the…" Something the big guy had said echoed through my mind, "You said he needs a shit load of power for the R-System right?"

"That's right," the big guy agreed, "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Ya ever hear of the _Etherion Cannon?_" I asked dryly as I started rummaging in my pocket.

While the other four started asking questions a mile a minute demanding answers, I called Master Makarov. The screen popped up and I saw Master passed out in a pile of beer barrels with Gildarts and Cana in the same pile. "MASTER MAKAROV WAKE UP! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"

Master made some sleeping grumbles and rolled over. My eyes widened with irritation and I thought for a second, "MASTER WE'RE OUT OF BOOZE!"

Master sat bolt upright along with Cana and Gildarts, "WHAT?!"

Then he realized my screen was hovering in front of him and rubbed his eye grumpily, "Jerry? What's wrong with you, sounding a false alarm like that?"

"MY WHOLE FUCKING TEAM HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!" I roared, my patience thoroughly gone in wake of the past half hour's events, "SIEGRAIN OF THE MAGIC COUNCIL IS AN IMPOSTER AND HE'S PLANNING TO FIRE THE ETHERION _TONIGHT_ TO POWER A SPELL THAT'LL REVIVE MOTHERFUCKING _ZEREF! _I AM STONE COLD GODDAMN SOBER, AND I NEED YOU TO GET ON THE HORN TO THE COUNCIL AND MAKE SURE THAT THAT GODDAMN CANNON _DOES! NOT! **FIRE!**_"

Master went ghostly pale as my words registered and he gripped the screen, "Are you sure?!"

"Deadly," I replied icily, "I'm going after the others. There's a chance I can stop the Etherion again if I absolutely have to, but there's a _damn_ good chance I'm going to be busy duking it out with that piece of shit, so I need you to make sure that bastard does _not _get a chance to fire the Etherion! Tell them that there are four dragons slayers, an Erza, a Levy and _me _handling it. That's enough to destroy an entire fucking _city_. Trust me, we did that at Mattachu less than a month ago without even trying. We can _handle_ one puny little tower."

Master nodded, "I'm on it. Send coordinates as soon as you can catch up to them, and I'll get on the horn to Yajima to warn the Council."

I nodded curtly, "Thank _you. _I'll send coordinates as soon as I get them." I hung up and turned to the other four in the train car, "You lot stay here and make sure the passengers are safe. I'm going after my friends."

"Wait, don't you need one of us to show you the way?" the big guy asked quickly.

I wiggled the card at them, "Every member of my team has one of these on them which means I can _track them._ I distributed them after we got separated on the last mission. That fucker could run halfway across the continent and I'd be able to find him."

"You can't just leave us!" the cat girl protested, "Erza's our friend and this whole mess is our fault! This is our fight, you can't just leave us out of it!"

I turned the death glare on her again and told her coldly as she shrank back in fear, "_I agree. It **is** your fault that_ _they were all captured so easily._" The big guy, the cat girl and the scrawny blonde all three flinched like I had slapped them and I continued, "More to the point, if you're here not there, then I don't have to worry so much about _collateral damage_. In case you missed it, this is a _demolition mission_, and we're _all_ going _all out._ Do any of you have magic that can knock down a building in one shot?"

They all four froze as I nodded sharply, "That's what I thought. Every member of **my** team does. So, unless you want to get caught in the crossfire, which will distract us and might give that son of a bitch an opening, I suggest you don't try to follow me. Any questions?"

"You're kind of an asshole," the dark haired girl told me bluntly.

"I'm also kind of _royally fucking pissed off right now!_" I retorted sharply, "Getting sucker punched in the middle of a victory party and having all my friends kidnapped right out from under my nose will do that!"

As I turned to leave, I heard the cat girl mutter, "Ya know, maybe it's not so funny to see him lose his cool like this…"

A vicious grin spread across my face, "Oh what's going to be _funny _is when that son of a bitch finds out that I was fighting at _ten percent and drunk off my ass_ earlier."

I left them with that little tidbit, taking off like a bullet towards where my cards had stopped moving horizontally and were now relatively stationary almost three hundred and fifty miles away. I thought it was a pretty badass little line to leave on. I ran the positions through Archive and quickly relayed the coordinates back to Master Makarov.

…

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**Meanwhile**

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My team were swiftly ejected from their card prisons, popping up at various points up the length of the tower. Only Natsu and Happy were together because they had been right next to each other. Erza was released inside a cage with a magic sealing enchantment on it just in time for the door to slam shut and the sealing enchantment to take effect.

Erza popped out of the card sitting cross legged with a surprisingly nonchalant expression. Jellal blinked as he noticed it and then passed it off as bravado. He cleared his throat as he climbed the steps to his throne and turned to sit on it, "Well, I hope everybody enjoyed their trip." His voice echoed throughout the tower, "Allow me to welcome you to the Tower of Heaven. Since I have you all here, we're going to play a little game."

"YEAH! IT'S CALLED _JENGA!_" Erza crowed with a huge grin on her face as explosions suddenly started to shake the tower. Jellal's face went pale immediately as his eyes bugged out and Erza took full advantage of the horrified expression to laugh at him.

A man with very long black hair looked at Jellal flatly as the tower shook like it was under a full artillery bombardment, "Um, excuse my asking but, _what the hell did you just turn loose in here with us?" _His two companions, a pale woman in a kimono with long pink hair and a katana, and a bare chested mountain of a man with an owl's head sitting on his shoulders, both looked highly unamused as well.

"Five Fairy Tail wizards including four _dragon slayers,_ who are _very_ excited to burn this tower to the ground. I'm sure you've heard of Natsu Dragneel the Salamander and Black Steel Gajeel Redfox" Erza told him with an incredibly smug grin.

The long haired man was still for a moment and then he and his two friends turned a _veeery _dry glare on Jellal, "Give me one good reason why we don't leave right now."

"You haven't been paid yet and your Guild Master assured me you three could handle that pyro!" Jellal snapped, "Are you willing to make a liar out of _him?_"

The long haired man swapped a glance with his two companions and then shrugged, "Whatever, we'll kill 'em." He turned and led his companions out the door, "We'd better get one heck of a bonus though! We were told to expect _one _dragon slayer, not _four!_"

The owl headed man paused and cast a glance over his shoulder as he strode out the door, "I believe double our initial estimate will be just compensation."

Jellal grit his teeth and the pink haired woman bowed slightly with a condescending smile, "Of course, all debts are void if you're dead before we finish. Have fun with your girlfriend!" she sang mockingly as she turned and strode out.

Jellal grit his teeth as he watched them go, utterly pop-eyed with rage as he growled, "Stupid _assassins…_"

Erza just snickered at him, "You're just as much fun to tease as you used to be!"

Jellal turned a glare on her, "Excuse me?"

Erza stuck her tongue out with a _very _smug grin, "You can't kill me or you'll lose your sacrifice _riiight? _So I'm going to take this time to razz you _mercilessly._"

"Oh really?" Jellal snarled as he raised his fingers poised to snap, "Well maybe you'll remember my little friend…" He snapped his fingers and the cage was suddenly electrified. He took a certain vindictive pleasure as he clarified, "The same shock modules they used on us when we were slaves."

Erza grit her teeth through the searing pain racing up and down her body. Every instinct and sensation she had lent itself to an agonized scream, but as soon as the voltage let up, she instead forced out a throaty moan, "Ooooh _yeeeah_…"

Jellal's jaw dropped as Erza shot him a seductive look, "_More…_" Then she snickered again, "Oh? Didn't you know? I like it _rough._"

Jellal's face matched Erza's hair as he boggled and somewhat resembled a fish dropped off in the middle of the desert.

Erza's laughter pealed out as he tried to pick his jaw up off the floor. Unknown to Jellal, there was an extremely vindictive undercurrent in that laugh, _Go right ahead and try to hurt me you son of a bitch. The worse a shape I'm in when the others get here the worse it's going to be for you._

_..._

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**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

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_Levy nodded, "You see why I came to get you to break it. If it's got iron mesh, beams and rebar networked into it, which I think it kinda has to in order to be this big, do you think you can convert and eat the entire web in one go once you unearth it? If you can, then the pillar's own weight coupled with the sudden voids inside it may crush the whole thing and bring down everything it's attached to as well."_

_Gajeel blinked at her and then a downright evil looking grin spread over his face, "I bet I can. Stand back, I'm about to make a mess."_

_Levy nodded, "I'll guard the…" She paused and Gajeel heard it. The scream of an electric guitar echoed down the hallway. "That's, not one of ours is it?" Levy asked as the screaming guitar grew closer._

_ Gajeel settled into a boxing stance as he heard the insane laugh mix in with the guitar, "Nope."_

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**Rare Post Chapter AN: **

**_(clears throat) Little confession, I actually don't like Simon, Sho and Wally that much. They had their place in this arc, but I honestly don't like 'em that much, so this'll be the last we'll see of them for a while. I find it rather ironic that my dislike of Simon is actually saving his life here... Kagura I like, Milliana's ok, but I was not sad when those other three never showed up again beyond a few passing mentions, so I hope nobody was wanting to see too much more of them. They won't just out and out disappear, they'll get their little appearances here and there, but they're not joining Fairy Tail or the main cast, so don't ask._**

**_And some of you may be thinking that they figured out Jellal's plan a little too easily, but I distinctly remember seeing through his plan the instant the Etherion was introduced, and that was before the reveal that he and Siegrain were the same shmuck. It really is a blindingly obvious plan if you stop to think about it for even a minute. I'm going to blame the stress and panic going through everyone's minds them not figuring it out this quickly in canon. Seriously, even a psycho isn't going to just up and have an energy cannon fired at his base unless he's got a reason, and the obvious answer is that he's either going to use it to get rid of somebody in his base who he needs gone, or he's using it to power something. Given what we already knew of the scenario and the R-system's hype as basically a doomsday device, it's pretty obviously the second one._**

**_Hope you all enjoyed! See ya next week! :D_**


	40. Ch35: Jenga

**AN: _Before we begin, Reviewer Replies! _**

_**Raidentensho: **__It won't happen for a while certainly, armor takes time to manufacture after all, but yes Erza would be jaw-droppingly sexy in Karna's armor. Yes there will be music, and lemme tell ya it was a right bitch to find the perfect song for this. WILL Lucy get the hang of Snow Dragon Magic, or now that she's been stripped of her usual Holder magic will a latent Caster magic never seen in canon manifest? Hmmm I wonder... XD_

**_Beruit:_**_ Something may happen regarding Wizard Saints and something will DEFINITELY happen before this is all over involving the Council._

**_Arclight001:_** _Yeah, Levy's about had it with Lucy at this point since Levy is Lucy's best friend and has been trying since they left Mattachu to help her through her heartbreak over losing her keys, only for Lucy to completely ignore or rudely brush off all Levy's attempts to cheer her up. Everyone else had been keeping their distance as much as possible, but Levy tried to help and got burned a LOT, so Lucy had that coming. Yeah, Gajeel's got a MASSIVE crush on Levy, has since Chapter 19 and it's been growing steadily._

**_dxq897:_**_ Hoohoo if that shocked you, then you better hang onto your hat! Those paying attention to the Reviewer Replies would notice that the formula I gave 'the watcher earth C-137' was 20% short of 100%. The two elements comprising that missing 20%? Suspense and SURPRISE!_

_**CitricBlueWolf: **Yes, very much so! Can't say too much without spoilers but I think the appropriate phrase is "HOLY **SHIT**... O.O"_

**_Also, I've decided to include timestamps since this chapter jumps around from place to place a fair bit._**

**_And now, ON WITH THE SHOW!_**

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**Chapter 35 – Jenga**

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_11:37 PM, Over the Ocean_

…

_Jerry? You there?_ Levy's voice echoing through my head had never been more welcome.

_LEVY! Are you guys okay? I'm tracking your cards, I'll be there soon._

_Yeah, we're fine, except maybe Erza._ Levy clarified, _Apparently Jellal, the guy who attacked us, is her psychotic cult leading ex-boyfriend. He must have her in some kind of magic sealing field because I can't contact her._

_Three more reasons for me to fucking KILL HIM, _I scowled, _Anything else I need to know about this son of a bitch before I get there?_

_Download incoming_.

I paused and hung midair for a second as the little golden bar slid across to blue and the conversation the team had in Levy's mind space played through in my head.

I blinked in confusion as something struck me as off. I couldn't put my finger on it for a moment, then it dawned on me and I went ghostly pale, _Erza has a glass eye?_

_I don't think it's glass, but yeah, _Levy replied, _I had never found out what happened to her eye, she never wanted to talk about it, but I could never have imagined it was something this bad._

My pulse started speeding up, _Levy, how long have you known Erza?_

_Since she arrived at Fairy Tail, _Levy declared, _Why what's up?_

_ Can you show me what she looked like when she arrived?_

The picture popped into my head a moment later and I felt like I might start hyperventilating, and possibly have a heart attack, a stroke and an aneurysm all in the same go. I actually almost fell out of the air before I caught myself, _No…_

Then I took off like a shot from a gun, _NONONONONONONONO!_

…

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_11:38, In the Middle of the Tower_

…

Natsu and Happy raced through the corridors, setting fire to everything in their wake as Natsu's nose led the way. In the five minutes since they'd been freed from their card prison, they'd set fire to everything along nearly three miles of corridor and rooms. They'd have done more, but Happy was having to go very slow to maneuver in the tight passageways. That said, they were still moving faster than most horses could gallop and everything behind them was swiftly crumbling in the face of the raging inferno left in their wake.

"Left up here Happy!" Natsu yelled, "She's close!"

"She might not be happy to see us!" Happy replied.

"That's why we gotta help her!" Natsu shot back, "How are we ever gonna prove we care about her if we avoid her?!"

"Alright but OH SHIT!" Happy squawked as they turned a corner right into a blizzard and got blown down the hallway like leaves in a whirlwind.

Normally Natsu would've been furious and hunting for Gray to pound his skull in if he'd been blindsided by a wall of snow and cold. Now though, he sat up out of the snow with a grin, "HEY LUCY! YOU FIGURED OUT YOUR ROAR?!"

Lucy blinked in shock at the meter thick carpet of snow and the pink and blue heads poking up out of it. She'd swapped into her battle suit figuring she might at least get some use out of it and hoping that it would protect her from whatever absurd destruction the others were wreaking. She'd then begun trying to summon the dragon slaying magic that blonde girl from Mildian had said she had now. After five minutes of nothing, she'd become so frustrated that she simply screamed. Then she opened her eyes and Natsu and Happy were popping up out of a two foot thick carpet of snow.

A wicked grin spread across her face as Natsu's words registered, "_Let's find out._" Her expression twisted into pure _fury _and she shouted, "SNOW DRAGON ROOOOOOAR!"

If Natsu and Happy hadn't ducked back under the snow, they would've been knocked flat as a fresh wall of wind and snow roared down the hall towards them. It was rather short lived as far as such attacks went, but it wasn't bad at all for a second attempt.

Lucy took a moment of satisfaction at her handy work and then Natsu popped up out of the snow, "THAT WAS AWESOME LUCY!"

Lucy's expression fell back into cold disdain and she sniffed and turned her back on him with her arms crossed, "Whatever. Let's finish tearing this place down so I can go home."

She started to stalk off down the hall and suddenly a scorching hot pair of thoroughly muscled arms wrapped around her from behind. Lucy froze in surprise and then she scowled, "Natsu, _let. GO."_

Natsu actually did and he stepped back, but he kept one of her hands gripped firmly in his as he looked her dead in the eye, "Lucy, I'm sorry."

Lucy's face twitched, "Oh you're _sorry? _Well I suppose that totally makes up for the fact that I just lost the friends I've had since I was a child who got me through years of parental neglect and loneliness _all because of your stupid plan to try and be S-Class!_"

Natsu blinked and averted his gaze, scratching the back of his head, "Um, yeah…about that…I actually didn't care very much about the reward when I came to talk to you about that."

Lucy's eyes narrowed, "Excuse me? Then why did you do it?"

Natsu blushed the color of his hair and looked for all the world like a scolded puppy, "Well, I couldn't afford to buy you dinner, and I heard beach vacations were a popular da…" Lucy's eyes narrowed as he caught himself a syllable too late, "…uh, popular thing! Popular thing to do! With girls! Um, with guys too, um I mean it's a popular thing to do with friends. Ah, yeah, and we're friends and I heard it was a good thing to do with girlfriends… NO! NO! NO! Not what I meant! Not what I meant!"

Lucy was staring now, "I meant, uh… girls who are friends! Yeah that's right, and um, and I heard I should try to make things exciting and fun and missions are exciting and lots of fun, and I couldn't find any flowers and I couldn't afford chocolates and they melt if I get near 'em anyway and when Happy found that poster with the key for the reward I knew you like those so I thought it might be better than fl…?"

Lucy cut his babbling off with a finger to his lips and a dry glare, "Natsu, are you trying to say that that entire mess with Galuna Island was your idea of trying to take me on a _date?_"

Natsu gulped and nodded cautiously.

**_POW!_** Lucy left an almost glowing crimson handprint on his cheek, "_IDIOT."_

Natsu nodded, "Yeah, that's what everybody's said."

Lucy froze halfway into considering the revelation, "Wait, _what do you mean everybody?"_

Natsu's eyes went wide as he realized maybe he shouldn't have told her that, "Um, Jerry kinda figured it out on the train right after it happened and Erza punched the hell out of me because she was sitting there next to me, and when Gajeel found out he said I was a dumbass, and Levy was upset and said I screwed it up really bad and even _Mira _was mad at me and Gramps and Gildarts both looked like they wanted to smack me and…"

Lucy raised a hand again, "Natsu, _how many people know you were trying to take me on a date?_"

"Probably the whole town at this point," Happy mused, "It was kinda big news. Natsu hasn't even _looked _at a girl that way since…" he trailed off as Natsu flinched.

"Since what?" Lucy asked, torn between irritation, nervousness and curiosity.

"Lisanna," Natsu said quietly, "She was Mira and Elfman's little sister, my best friend aside from Happy."

Lucy's eyes widened slightly at the tone, "You're not talking about her like it was just a bad break up…"

"She died," Happy explained quietly, "It was an S-Class quest with Mira and Elfman. Mira lost her magic and stopped fighting with Erza, Elfman turned into a muscle head so he'd never be too weak again and Lisanna..."

"Lisanna never came back," Natsu finished quietly.

Lucy stared at them in horror, but before she could respond…

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Wailed the massive and heavily muscled man with the owl face, "THAT'S SO SA-A-A-AAAD! YOUR POOR GIRLFRI-I-IEEEND! AND HER FA-A-AMILY!" He hiccupped a few sobs and the tears looked like waterfalls pouring from his eyes as the three Fairy Tail wizards gawked at him in confusion, wondering how the hell someone so big had gotten within arm's reach of them.

It was suddenly very much not lost on Lucy that Natsu's immediate instinct was to get between her and the owl man immediately as he demanded, "Who are you?!"

The owl man blinked as the tears suddenly stopped. Then he struck a pose, "I AM FUKURO, A KNIGHT OF TRUE JUSTICE!" Then he raised a finger with what seemed like it might've been a smile, "That said…_ CAPTURE!"_ His jaw suddenly unhinged and he slammed his face to the ground, completely enveloping Natsu in his mouth with one enormous chomp.

Lucy and Happy sprang back and the owl man straightened up, a tuft of disturbingly familiar looking pink hair now jutting from his forehead as he crowed, "NOW HIS FLAMES ARE MINE!" He slid into a stance and his fists ignited, "SO FEEL MY FIREY JUST- where'd they go?"

One had to give Happy credit, he knew when to book it in a hurry.

_…_

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_11:41 PM, The Top of the Tower_

_…_

"You really threw my plans for quite a loop leaving the country like that Erza," Jellal mused from his throne to the faintly smoking armored form in the anti-magic cage. He'd only lasted through about ten repetitions of '_The Song That Never Ends_' before he'd elected to silence the gleefully irritating Fairy Queen, "And now your friends are here trying to destroy the Tower as well. Maybe I should've just cut your tongue out and kept you here all those years ago. It would've made things simpler don't you think?"

Erza stirred slightly, and Jellal sighed with a small smile, "Oh well. It hardly matters, the final preparations for the R-System to activate are in place, and the Trinity Raven assassins of Death's Head Caucus are on their way to eliminate your friends. I'm sure they'll manage to stop them before they can do _too _much damage to the Tower. It's actually a little bit bigger than it needs to be. I had originally planned to have you here a little bit earlier and figured you'd try to make a mess of it, so I made sure it could handle a bit of damage without impairing its overall function."

Erza didn't answer and Jellal cast his gaze to the ceiling, "You know, I kind of wish you had stayed all those years ago. You would've made a fine queen when Lord Zeref makes me a king among men. It's too bad you couldn't see the beauty of my plans."

Erza snorted and Jellal's gaze flicked down to her, "Something to say?"

Erza cracked open her left eye, her prosthetic right had been shut down by the cage's magic sealing properties. There was no telling if it would reactivate once she was out. "Tell me something Jellal…If you could go back in time…" she winced as she forced herself upright into a sitting position, "with the power you have now, what would you do? Would you have still saved me? Would you have saved _anyone?_"

Jellal was quiet for a moment and then he snorted, "I'd rip those idiot cultists limb from limb so that I could take control of the island sooner."

Erza sighed, "That's what I figured you'd say. You know, I never lost faith in you for even a second while they were torturing me. The thought that you were coming to save me was the only thing that let me hang on."

Jellal winced ever so slightly as Erza continued, "I was so relieved when I opened my eye and you were there. You may think it sounds silly, but for just an instant, I felt like a princess out of a fairy tale."

"Which makes it somewhat ironic that you grew up to be called the queen of Fairy Tail," Jellal noted.

Erza snorted and closed her eyes, "I have no idea who started that or why, but it's rather beside the point. I always believed that if you were there, everything would be alright. I guess that's why it hurt so much for you to turn on me like that." She sighed lightly and Jellal's eyes went wide as he noted that she actually sounded _relieved _before asking, "So now I have one more question."

"Go on," Jellal replied, suddenly nervous at the calm assurance in her voice.

"What would you do to the men torturing me, if you walked in on them while it was happening, and you had the power you had now? If it were me saving you," she added, "I'd have put so many swords through them that there'd be nothing left but some scattered chunks of meat."

Jellal blinked in surprise, "Well that's violent. Did you really care about me that much?"

Erza cracked her eye open and gave him an _extremely _dirty look, "If you honestly have to ask me that, then you don't deserve to know."

Jellal flinched like she had punched him and then thought quietly for a moment, "I'd crush every bone in their bodies with my bare hands and keep beating them until there was nothing left but a pile of jelly, then I'd set the jelly on fire and listen to it scream." He paused for a moment, "I'd probably put the fire out before they could die, then throw alcohol on them. When they woke up, I'd roll them in broken glass and light them again. I'd keep coming up with ways to hurt them until they stopped waking up and then I'd feed whatever was left of them to the crows. Oh, maybe set hungry rats on them while they were helpless blobs of broken bones. No, no," he mused, "I'd cut them open and stitch a sedated rat up in their stomachs. Let the rat chew its way out."

…

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_11:42 PM, Magic Council Headquarters…_

…

Master Makarov's old teammate Mr. Yajima, now a member of the Magic Council, nodded grimly as Master explained the situation to him, "I see. Yes, Siegrain just called for the emergency meeting a few minutes ago. I'll see what he says, don't worry, once the others know that there's a team from Fairy Tail involved, I'm sure they won't fire it. If Siegrain turns out to be as you say, then we may be in for some trouble here. I don't like to admit it, but the little prick's surprisingly powerful. If he decides to make a mess, he stands a pretty good chance of succeeding."

Makarov nodded, "I'll send reinforcements that way in case things get hairy."

Yajima shot a glance in the direction of the meeting room, "Alright Maky, I'll let you know how it turns out. Call me as soon as you get word that the kids are finished, I'll try to keep you updated on the situation here. Be ready to tell your kids to evacuate if the others are idiots about this."

"Good luck Yaji," Makarov said as he shut down the screen.

Mr. Yajima quickly turned and strode past the toadie worker, pausing to shoot a glare at her utterly flabbergasted expression, "Not one word of this to _anyone_, understand?" Without waiting for an answer he took off towards the meeting room.

The toad faced receptionist gulped and nodded, quickly hurrying along behind him, "Yessir Mr. Yajima, but do you really think it could be true? A member of the Council involved in something like this?"

"We'll know in a few minutes," Mr. Yajima declared before shoving open the door and stepping onto the magic stairs that led him to the Meeting Circle. The Meeting Circle was a magical platform suspended high up a shaft in the center of the Magic Council's Headquarters at Era. Aside from being twenty feet in the air and stabilizing the projections of those Council members who couldn't be there in person for whatever reason, the glowing platform had several privacy seals woven into its matrix, making sure that nothing the Council said could be eavesdropped upon.

Mr. Yajima huffed lightly as he reached the top of the stair and stepped onto his circle. "Now that we're all here," the chairman Crawford Seam mused, "What's this about Sieg?"

"I have just received a report that a tower has been found in the Ka Elm Sea not far off the coast," Siegrain declared, "Our local investigators have discovered that this tower is home to the forbidden magic known as the R-System."

"YOU'RE SAYING THAT THE R-SYSTEM STILL EXISTS IN THIS WORLD?!" Councilman Org demanded in horrified shock, "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Eight years ago a religious sect that worshipped black magic gathered a vast amount of money, their intention was to build the R-System," Siegrain explained.

"You're talking about those seven towers right?" Councilman Leiji asked, "The Council destroyed those, not even their rubble should remain."

"It would appear there was an eighth tower," Councilwoman Belno declared grimly, the report from the investigators in her hand.

Org looked at her in shock and horror, "They couldn't have built it already could they?"

"The investigators in that area aren't prone to joking," Belno declared firmly as she held up a picture of the tower in question.

"So it has been built?" Ultear asked warily.

"But why would anybody be working on the R-System now?" Chairman Seam asked in frustration.

"The Tower of Heaven," Siegrain corrected, prompting everyone to look at him. He glanced around, "It isn't called the R-system. It's the Tower of Heaven, right?"

Mr. Yajima's eyes narrowed as Org erupted, "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT'S CALLED SIEG! THE R-SYSTEM IS FORBIDDEN MAGIC! IT HAS FAR TOO DISRUPTIVE AN EFFECT ON THE PUBLIC, IT'S USE COULD CAUSE MASS PANIC! WE HAVE TO DEPLOY THE MILITARY RIGHT NOW AND GET THIS UNDER CONTROL!"

"However until we know who we're dealing with," Councilman Leiji mused as he perused the report.

Chairman Seam shot a glance at him, "We don't know who we're up against?!"

Leiji shook his head, "The force in control of the R-System doesn't seem to be the old religious cult, according to the report it's some mystery man calling himself Jellal."

"Jellal?" Org asked in confusion.

"I've never heard of him," Belno declared as she looked over at Leiji.

Leiji looked up from his copy of the report, "We don't have any information on him other than the name."

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_11:49 PM, Near The Bottom of the Tower_

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Gajeel raced through the tower, his arms encased in enormous iron pillars tipped with colossal sledge hammer heads. Every swing crashed through metal, wood and stone like a runaway freight train as Gajeel put his full strength and momentum into every move. Less like a charging bull and more like a tornado of iron, he tore through the tower like it was made of matchsticks. He was spinning, running and jumping in such a way that if he hadn't been demolishing everything that got within six feet of him, you might've thought he was doing ballet.

Silly though it might've looked out of context, the hammers and destruction left in their wake lent plenty of credibility to the logic of Gajeel's movements. When he reached the end of a corridor, he inhaled and unleashed his Iron Dragon Roar, the hurricane of iron shards and raw force bulldozing the weakened corridor and blowing out both sides of it. The ceiling of the corridor collapsed as its support was blown away.

Gajeel turned, his face split with a grin like kid in a candy store, and immediately jumped in surprise as he realized Levy was standing almost close enough to reach out and touch him with a bemused grin. Gajeel blushed slightly, fully aware of how his 'charge' must've looked. _Ah crap she's gonna laugh at me ain't she…_

"Having fun Gajeel?" Levy asked with that crooked little grin.

"Um, yeah actually," Gajeel admitted, surprised by the lack of apparent teasing.

Levy nodded, "Good, come on. I think I found one of the support pillars. We break it and there's no telling how much of this place'll come down!"

A minute later Gajeel's jaw dropped as he took in the size of the pillar in question. The pillar was a massive thing, big enough to qualify as a tower in its own right, and it rose through a massive shaft that soared higher than the top of several castles Gajeel could think of. Gajeel could tell at a glance that it was bound to be thoroughly reinforced and mostly made of concrete. That this was a mere _support _column spoke volumes about the size of the R-system. All of that really begged the question, "HOW DAMN BIG IS THIS PLACE?!"

Levy nodded, "You see why I came to get you to break it. If it's got iron mesh and rebar networked into it, which I think it kinda has to in order to be this big, do you think you can convert and eat the entire web in one go once you unearth it? If you can, then the pillar's own weight coupled with the sudden voids inside it may crush the whole thing and bring down everything it's attached to as well."

Gajeel blinked at her and then a downright _evil _looking grin spread over his face, "I bet I can. Stand back, I'm about to make a mess."

Levy nodded, "I'll guard the…" She paused and Gajeel heard it. The scream of an electric guitar echoed down the hallway. "That's, not one of ours is it?" Levy asked as the screaming guitar grew closer.

Gajeel settled into a boxing stance as he heard the insane laugh mix in with the guitar, "Nope."

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_11:51, Upper Part of the Tower_

…

Dimaria actually stopped obliterating rooms the instant she was through them as she stepped into the large garden room. She had to stop and blink in confusion as she took in the trees and large red wooden bridge across the pond. The ceiling and walls were painted to resemble a beautiful mountain landscape and Dimaria took a moment to inhale the scent of the pink flowering trees and clear cool water.

"What kind of evil Zeref-worshipping lunatic makes such a pretty garden in the middle of his doomsday device?" she asked the empty room as she ran her hand over the smooth and beautifully carved handrail.

She looked around and tapped her foot as she mused, _I really hate to destroy something this nice, but it'll get wrecked anyway when the tower comes down. I shouldn't waste magic to preserve it and even if I could I'd need my material and Lord Kronos's magic…_ She sighed, "And since I've only got a finite amount of that I can't waste it on this. Mmm…" she eyed the beautiful trees longingly, "I wish I knew what kind of trees these are so I could plant one when I get ho…when I _find _a new home," she corrected herself a little bitterly.

"Oh, you like the cherry blossoms? If you're planning to join Fairy Tail, I'm told the area around their Guild Hall is home to the most fascinating cherry blossoms which turn iridescent rainbow colors when in bloom rather than such a simple pink." Dimaria whirled and saw a woman with long pink hair and a white kimono standing at the other end of the bridge, her hand on the hilt of a sword at her waist as she gave Dimaria a very cold smile, "It's a shame you will never get to see them."

Dimaria's eyes widened and then the blade of magic slammed into her gut and tore her wounds open a new in a very credible bid to cleave her in two…

_…_

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_11:54 PM, Near The Tower's Main Support Pillar_

_…_

The long haired assassin strutted into the room wearing an outfit like he was auditioning for KISS while playing a riff on his guitar and screamed, "AAALRIIIGHT! VIDALDUS TAKA IS IN THE HOUSE! LEMME HEAR YOU SCREEE-_KAK!"_ He was promptly met with an Iron Dragon Log right to the face that he only narrowly dodged. "Well aaalriiight! This is getting interesting! Looks like I have the honor of confronting the one and only Black Steel Gajeel!"

Gajeel narrowly dodged the thirty foot long tentacle of hair that shattered the stone where he had been standing. "What's it to ya?!" he shouted as he grew his Iron Dragon Swords and charged, carving through the maelstrom of hair tentacles flying at him like a whirlwind of weed whackers.

Vidaldus danced back as he felt his hair being cut at an alarming rate, "Oh nothing much…" Then his gaze landed on Levy, "But since your little girlfriend's here, why don't we make this fight a little more interesting?" He pulled back all his hair and sprang into the air as he dragged sparks from his strings with his pick, "ROCK OF SUCCUBUS!" His guitar's mechanical elements suddenly proved they weren't just for show as they roared to life and unleashed a wave of sound magic that made Gajeel freeze as the name of the spell registered with him.

Vidaldus landed and laughed, "Whoever wins gets to keep that fine little groupie o' yours!"

Gajeel's expression was like a stone carving for a moment and then he pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and put them on, "Oh _hell no _you did not just challenge me to a rock off for the Shrimp's soul."

Levy, completely unaffected by Vidaldus's spell because she'd put on her Absolute Silence Earphones that she normally reserved for reading in the Guild Hall the instant she'd heard Vidaldus coming, rolled her eyes. _Oh joy, now they're going to have a dick measuring contest with their guitars instead of their fists, _she sighed. Then she looked at the immense support pillar and an idea flashed into her mind, splitting her face in a massive mischievous grin. She looked at the two guitarists, "Rock on!"

That was all the incentive Gajeel needed as he snapped his fingers and all the lights in the room went out. _Dammit Gajeel! _Levy thought as she pulled out a small Shine spell to act as a flashlight so she could start quickly scribbling runes around the base of the pillar.

She spared a glance as a spotlight came on over Vidaldus who exclaimed, "Oh you're letting me go first? Your funeral but fine!" He closed his eyes and started plucking out a melody, "_Oh I can be nice…but don't test me…I CAN GET WIIIIIII-IIICKED!"_

Meanwhile, unseen by Vidaldus or Levy, Gajeel was quietly running around completely unhindered by the dark, stealthily setting up his own performance to blow Vidaldus out of the water.

_…_

* * *

_..._

_11:54 PM, The Tower's Sakura Garden_

_…_

The pink haired assassin's sword was back in its sheath before her attack even landed. Dimaria was hurled back by the force of the blow, slamming into the door frame and crumpling to the floor. Dimaria's breath was gone and wouldn't come back as her mind shorted out from pain. _What…WHAT THE HELL?!_

The assassin said something Dimaria couldn't hear through the ringing in her ears and a moment later another arc of pain slammed into her. Dimaria screamed as she was cut open from shoulder to hip. _Lord Notus…_she thought weakly, _please…I don't…I can't die yet…everyone's…everyone's counting on me… _she scrunched her face up and strained to call on her magic to heal her wounds, but then a shadow fell over her.

"Still alive?" The assassin asked, "You are very strong. My strikes normally carve through steel and flesh as easily as the air itself. You should have been cut cleanly in half, but I didn't even get halfway through you. It's quite embarrassing for someone like me who prides herself on killing her victims before they realize she's struck. I apologize for my sloppiness." Dimaria's eyes went wide with horror as the assassin's hand went to the hilt of her katana,

"Don't worry, I'll make

sure to finish you this time,

with these two haiku.

May your afterlife

have many such beautiful

sakura blossoms."

Time seemed to slow down as the assassin shifted her stance to draw and finish it. Dimaria closed her eyes, bitterly resigning herself to the fact that she was about to die.

"**GET AWAY FROM HER!**" In a blur of black, white, and blue, Lucy and Happy erupted out of the hall behind Dimaria. Dimaria saw the assassin's eyes go wide as Lucy shrieked, "**_SNOW DRAGON IRON FIST!_**"

The world suddenly went white before them as Happy pulled up short and Lucy's white wrapped punch slammed square into the assassin's face. The instant it did, what seemed like a concentrated avalanche exploded forth from her hand and sent the assassin flying across the room like a cannonball. Dimaria could only stare in shock as the wall shattered from the force of the impact and the river of snow collapsed to the ground.

Lucy and Happy were both equally stunned as Lucy exclaimed, "HOLY CRAP!" She looked at her hands in shock for a moment, then remembered Dimaria, "ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"Well…no," Dimaria breathed, "…been stabbed." She smiled for a brief moment at her joke and then began coughing. _That's definitely blood, _she thought as something hot and sticky welled up her throat and made her start to gag, _Oh shit…_ she leaned forward to vomit and saw red staining the bridge in front of her. "Help?" she panted as she flopped back against the door post.

"I THINK NOT!" shouted someone from behind her, and Lucy shot whoever it was a murderous glare. Once again time seemed to slow down and Dimaria had just enough time to register that a massive man with a huge mouth and flaming metal barrels on his back was shooting out of the hallway, "CAAAAAPTUUUUUUURE!"

The man with the huge mouth looked like he was in slow motion, but Lucy moved at normal speed as she snapped, "I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU! _SNOW DRAGON IRON FIST!_" Lucy slammed the massive man to the floor with a tremendous punch and jammed her fist into his gaping maw as the flood of snow erupted forth.

The massive man flailed but Lucy screamed with almost primal fury as she drove her heel down on his throat and jammed her other hand into his snow filled mouth. "_YOU ARE GOING TO SPIT HIM OUT RIGHT NOW!"_

Dimaria side eyed the massive man's flailing form as it began to swell rapidly, "Um Lucy, I think he's about to-" **BOOM!**

"FREEEEEDOOOM!" Natsu roared as the man Lucy had pinned exploded and disturbingly red snow went everywhere.

Happy and Dimaria stared in horror as Natsu looked around, "Whoa, what's with all this bloo-_HOLY SHIT! DID I JUST KILL THIS GUY?!" _he exclaimed in horror as he realized he was standing in the middle of a corpse.

"No kill stealing!" Lucy snapped from where she'd landed upside down in a snowdrift halfway down the bridge.

Natsu turned to look at her in shock as she rolled back to her feet and crossed her arms with a huff. If her battle suit and face weren't splattered with blood, the pout and cat ears would've actually looked very cute on her Natsu's shock addled brain mused.

"Lucy's scary…" Happy muttered, "Natsu's worn off on her way too much…"

Dimaria's eyes went wide with horror as she spotted something the others hadn't. She hacked and spat so that she could scream as best she could, "BEHIND YOU!" Once again, time seemed to slow down as the sword wielding assassin seemed to materialize out of the snow drift Lucy was in front of while a sound that Dimaria would only realize later to be a guitar riff began to shake the tower.

…

* * *

...

11:53 PM, Magic Council Headquarters

…

Org growled, "The R-System ignores the rules of life and death. It's forbidden magic that gives rise to dangerous thinking! No matter who is controlling it, we must consider them an enemy and destroy it! _We must send out the military at once!_"

A chorus of murmuring broke out as the Council members started to argue and mull the idea over, then Siegrain snapped, "_You bleeding heart doves."_ All conversation in the room ceased immediately as everyone turned to glare at him, but his own face was screwed up in fury of its own, "Only doves would send out a peacekeeping force! We need _hawks! _That thing is dangerous! TOO dangerous! You people have no idea what you're talking about! There's only one way left to eliminate the Tower of Heaven now right?!" He threw his hands wide, "_The Satellite Square Etherion."_

"WHAT?!" Org demanded.

"You're wanting to use cross dimensional destruction magic?!" Councilman Michello shouted.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Belno snapped.

"Have you even begun to think of the cost in lives and property damage?!" Leiji asked furiously.

"The Etherion is our weapon of last resort! It's even more dangerous than the R-System!" Chairman Seam declared, "It can take out an entire country in its blast radius!"

"The Satellite Square can affect any target on Earth," Siegrain argued, "There's no other weapon aside from Etherion that can take out a structure as large as the tower!"

Ultear raised her hand and opened her mouth, but Mr. Yajima cut her off with a loud piercing whistle that silenced all conversation and turned all eyes on him. Mr. Yajima smiled thinly, "Everyone calm down, the situation's already under control."

"WHAT?!"

"Are you out of your mind?!" Siegrain demanded.

Mr. Yajima turned his grin on Siegrain, "Not at all. Just perhaps a little bit better informed on the doings of my old guildmates."

Every eye in the room went wide as the implications hit them, all except Siegrain and Ultear who were too young to remember that Mr. Yajima was a former Fairy Tail mage. His grin grew as Siegrain's expression fell into uncertainty, "I actually just got off the horn with Makarov. A team consisting of Natsu Dragneel, Gajeel Redfox, two of their newest recruits who are also dragon slayers of approximately equal strength, Levy McGarden, and Erza Scarlet were abducted less than an hour ago by Jellal. They are already at the tower and have broken loose. Erza Scarlet knows Jellal and has been being blackmailed into keeping quiet about his plans since before she rose to prominence as a wizard with the lives hundreds of hostages on the line. Now her team is loose in the R-System and they are all hell bent on turning it into the biggest pile of property damage Fairy Tail's ever created."

Everyone stared at him for a moment and then Org burst out laughing, "OH THE LOOK ON THAT JELLAL GUY'S FACE MUST BE PRICELESS RIGHT NOW! FINALLY FAIRY TAIL'S DESTRUCTIVE HABITS ARE BEING PUT TO GOOD USE!"

Belno chuckled as well, "If Gajeel's there, then that Tower is as good as rubble already."

"And Salamander is no slouch either," Ultear mused, "Throw in Erza Scarlet on top of that along with two more dragon slayers? I believe Mr. Yajima is correct. Whoever this Jellal fellow is," she added as she shot a small coy grin at Siegrain, "he must be an **IDIOT** to have actually _taken THEM_ to his tower."

Siegrain's face was indeed a sight to behold for a moment before he protested, "Well that's great and all, but we can't just trust half a dozen wizards with something this big! We need to tell them to get out of there and use the Etherion!"

Everyone looked at him and then Mr. Yajima sighed, "Well Siegrain, I hate to dash your hopes, I know you want to see the big pretty lights," he added with a smirk before continuing as Siegrain's face twitched with narrowly restrained fury, "but according to the Fairy Tail team, the entire tower is one giant absorption lacrima. An interesting little tidbit Erza found when researching it to find out the best way to stop it, is that it requires approximately two and a half _billion_ Edeas to activate. The only source of magic _that _strong is the Etherion, which the entire tower appears to have been designed to use as a power source. Long story short, it can't activate _unless _we fire the Etherion at it."

"And that makes _me _wonder why _you're_ so invested in firing it," Ultear declared with a look of concern at Siegrain.

Mr. Yajima nodded, "Once again, Fairy Tail's got an answer for that. Or did you not want us to know that Jellal's your twin brother?"

Siegrain flinched like Mr. Yajima had punched him, and as his eyes were going wide with horror, Mr. Yajima continued, the hand behind his back subtly flattening itself into a razor edge, "Or even better, did you not want us to realize that _your real name is Jellal?"_

Jellal, for now it was revealed to all and sundry, went pale and then crimson very quickly, "YOU LITTLE…WHAT THE- _BELNO!_"

Belno eyed him coldly from the other end of the magic chains extending from her hand that had instantly shot straight through his projection to reveal it as the illusion it was, "So we have a traitor in our midst. If Fairy Tail brings you in alive, then I will _personally_ ensure you receive maximum punishment."

Jellal's eyes darted around and because everyone was focused on him, nobody else noticed the lightning quick and very subtle wink that made his eyes go wide. Before he could say anything, Mr. Yajima spoke up, "Oh I wouldn't worry about that Belno. You see, Jellal here miscounted. There aren't _six _wizards from Fairy Tail. Jerry Granger is on his way as well."

"The one who wrote us that odious letter after the Lullaby Incident?" Org asked in surprise.

"Yep," Mr. Yajima grinned, "But you might know him better as 'that wizard who bounced the Etherion into the moon a few weeks ago to brand Fairy Tail's guild mark into it'."

Jellal went ghostly pale as the others gaped in shock. Yajima continued, his grin growing ever larger, "You actually already met him Jellal, and as you can imagine, he's rather upset with you."

"What happened?" Ultear asked curiously as what little color was left in Jellal's face evacuated it immediately.

"Apparently Jellal there sucker punched him while he was drunk and tired, and proceeded to hit him with a meteor and the Abyss Break," Mr. Yajima explained smugly, "It knocked Jerry out for a few minutes, but now that he's stopped the two trains that Jellal set to crash as a distraction, he's in route to the Tower as fast as he can go for a rematch. Maky says he's never seen the man so furious."

"HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?!" Jellal demanded, "HE WAS NOTHING BUT A SMOLDERING CORPSE IN THE GROUND!"

Mr. Yajima frowned as Chairman Seam asked coldly, "So you admit it then."

Jellal flinched as he realized he had inadvertently just confessed, "Fine. Yes, everything Yajima has said is true." Then his face twisted into a psychotic grin as his Projection flickered out, "_Not that it's going to help any of you._"

Then an explosion rocked the building.

_…_

* * *

_..._

_11:58 PM, At the Top of the Tower_

_…_

Erza gave Jellal a look of dry disgust as he finished detailing the horrors he would inflict on their old tormentors and then she asked quietly, "You really have turned into a monster haven't you?" Jellal started to protest and Erza's sudden smirk cut him off, "At least you know how completely and utterly _screwed _you are."

"And why's that?" Jellal asked nervously. That smirk couldn't mean anything good.

"Because of a man named Gerard Sieg Granger, and a little girl named Erica Walker," Erza replied with a knowing smile that made Jellal's gut feel like it was encased in ice.

Then every mental signature in the building except his, Erza's, Trinity Raven and our team suddenly disappeared right as Mr. Yajiima revealed…

"HE'S STILL ALIVE?!" Jellal bellowed in horror right before I came through the wall like a bullet, completely cloaked in Blackout Mode, and _beyond_ ready to kill something as a drum and guitar beat that I at first thought to be my imagination began to rock the tower.

...

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

...

**GRIMOIRE HEART**


	41. Ch36: All Laid Bare

**AN: _As always before we begin, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

_**Raidentensho: **(looks back at the Mattachu arc in confusion before snapping back around to look at you) Eh, have ya not noticed all the teasing and flirting between those two? Yeah bro, she's totally into him. The only reason they aren't already bangin' like bunnies is because Erza knows he's datin' Mira and thinks they're actually great together. As for MAR, no idea what that is, so no, a shout out is quite unlikely. As always, glad you're enjoying!_

**_Beruit:_** _Glad you enjoyed! Here's the fights this whole arc has been building towards!_

**_ZBHunter: _**_Wooooo indeed my friend, wooooo indeed._

**_Zeak106:_**_ What shall we do with him? Applaud of course! Here is your ticket, please proceed down the screen to your front row seat!_

**_WarWolfsaga:_**_ Yes I really wanted the big reveal to be the closing line of the chapter to get everyone absolutely as hype as possible for this week._

**_Boggie445: _**_(In response to your review to Ch21)__ If you've made it this far then I'm sure you've realized by now that there is no relation between Serena and God Serena. Hope you're still enjoying! :D_

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**Small side note, did anyone catch the significance of what Erza said at the end of the last chapter? Ah well, if you didn't get it then, you DEFINITELY will by the end of this chapter.**

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**Also, hip hip hooray, we passed 200,000 words today! (Reviewer Replies not counting towards the total) To celebrate, ask me anything! If the answer isn't TOO spoilery then I shall gleefully answer in next week's Reviewer Replies!**

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**_And now, ON TO THE MAIN EVENT! HANG ON CAUSE THIS RIDE'S ABOUT TO GET ROUGH!_**

**...**

* * *

**...**

**Chapter 36: All Laid Bare**

**…**

**12:00 AM, Near The Tower's Main Support Pillar**

**…**

"Step up and get it, 'cause I get wicked!" Vidaldus finished as his song reached its end. Before he could even gloat over what had in his opinion been an epic performance, the spotlight suddenly went out and eerie green light revealed a metal stage had been erected in the dark as mist began to roll out of the dark. "What the…?"

Then the sound of a wavering guitar echoed from seemingly everywhere as a voice that sent chills down Vidaldus's spine whispered, "_Superstition, fear, and jealousy…"_

Then invisible drums began to thump, the wavering turned to the sound of what couldn't be just one guitar shredding a heavy beat. Vidaldus's eyes flitted around, there wasn't anyone on the stage yet so where…? Then he saw movement and his heart seized in irrational terror as a massive figure covered in spikes with evil glowing green eyes loomed out of the fog and with a stomp that shook the stage began to sing,

"DEAD I AM THE ONE, EXTERMINATING SON!

SLIPPIN' THROUGH THE TREES,

STRANGLIN' THE BREEZE!"

It wasn't completely lost on Vidaldus that the ground and walls were shaking, but the figure on the stage had his attention as it took a brief instrumental break before,

"DEAD I AM THE SKY, WATCHIN' ANGELS CRY,

WHILE THEY SLOWLY TURN, _CONQUERING THE WORM._

**DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES **

**AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES!**

**I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULA!**

**DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES**

**AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES!**

**I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULAAA!**

_DO IT BABY, DO IT BABY,_

_I'LL BURN LIKE AN ANIMAAAL…_

Unnoticed by Gajeel or Vidaldus, while her enchantment forced the whole tower to vibrate at the same frequency as Gajeel's music and thus shake itself apart, Levy was in the edge of the fog dancing with a massive grin on her face while her Archive recorded the whole show.

**…**

**12:00 AM, The Tower's Sakura Garden**

**…**

Lucy didn't even have time to turn before the pink haired assassin's blade crashed into the side of her hood. The suit's instant hardening was the only thing that kept her head attached as she was sent flying across the room into a wall. Unlike the pink haired assassin, Lucy didn't make a crater. Instead she bounced off and landed in a heap at the base of the wall as a voice sang, _"Dead I am the one, exterminating son…"_

"LUCY!" Natsu shouted only for the pink haired assassin's blade to flash out again and a blade of magical energy to slam into him, flinging him back down the hall as blood flew.

_"Slippin' through the trees, stranglin' the breeze!"_

Dimaria shoved herself off the side of the bridge, _Have to get to cover!_ Before she could hit the water, a blade of energy roared through the bridge like it wasn't there and slammed into her thigh as she realized it was a much further drop than she'd anticipated. Dimaria cried out in pain and only the sudden avalanche of snow kept the next slash and the fall from killing her.

"_Dead I am the sky watchin' angels cry!" _

Dimaria scrunched her eyes shut as she heard Lucy yelp and then start to scream as what sounded like a hailstorm of magical sword strokes rained down on her. Dimaria forced all the magic she could muster through the lacrima she could sense imbedded in her gut, _COME ON! HEAL DAMN IT! I HAVE TO HELP!_

_"As they slowly turn, conquering the worm!"_

"LEAVE HER ALO-GAH!" Natsu roared as he erupted back into the room only to catch another slash right across, "GYAH! MY EYES!" A rapid staccato of impacts signaled the sound of another flurry of blades slamming into him as Lucy shrieked, "NATSU!"

Dimaria's heart seized in terror as she realized that no matter how fast she healed, she wasn't going to be done in time.

"Don't think I've forgotten about you," the pink haired assassin declared coldly, "_Mugetsu Style, GARUDA FLAME!"_ A wave of fire rocketed towards Lucy, and a split second later, the pink haired assassin cried out in surprise as the flames suddenly disappeared.

_"Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches, I slam in the back of my Dragulaaa!"_

"NOW I'VE GOT A FIRE IN MY BELLY!" Natsu roared, "FIRE DRAGOOON…"

"_Mugetsu Style!"_ Natsu's half formed attack was knocked wide as a fresh blade of magic slammed into his shoulder.

Right then a small blue figure with large white wings landed in Dimaria's vision, "Dimaria! Are you ok?!"

Dimaria's eyes weren't focused on Happy though, they were focused on the freshly ignited cherry tree overhead, she snapped a hand out and caught Happy, "Happy! You're fireproof right?"

"WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" Happy demanded, "We need to get you out of here! Natsu and Lucy's kitty suit are holding up, but you're hurt really bad!"

Dimaria caught Happy in both hands, "Happy _listen to me. _Those two cannot beat her alone. If you can stir Natsu's flames in that tree into a fire _storm _with your wings, then I can eat it and use it to beat that witch!"

Happy's eyes went wide and his gaze snapped up as his jaw dropped in awe. He shook his head and gave her a dead serious look, "I hope you're right!" With that he was suddenly gone and in the less than a minute, Dimaria was lying at the base of a tornado of fire ringed by a blur of blue and white.

_"Dead I am the pool spreading from the fool, weak and want you need nowhere as you bleed…"_

"I'M NOT LOSING ANYONE ELSE!" Dimaria shouted as she thrust herself towards the flames and began to searing pain filled her body, but she scrunched her eyes shut and kept chugging the flames like water.

Natsu and Lucy saw what she was trying to do and sprang across the space between them and the pink haired assassin, fire and snow flying in tandem as they unleashed their breath attacks. A split second later, magic blades slammed them to the ground from above. The pink haired assassin landed atop one of the arches over the bridge and observed them coldly, "If you had not killed Fukuro, you might have walked away from this."

_"Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat! Tender is the fur, dying as you purr!"_

The pink haired assassin casually struck Happy from the air with another magical slash that actually drew a line of blood across his wings and back. Happy had never been afraid of heights, but now as he fell, his panicked mind found _falling_ to be utterly terrifying. Then all of a sudden someone caught him.

"_DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES, I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULA!"_

**…**

**12:00 AM, Magic Council Headquarters**

**…**

The building shook and the Council's meeting circle was suddenly under a rain of debris as stone started to crumble and collapse. Ultear staggered and then swiftly waved her hand, "_Restore!"_ The stone all stopped midair and hurled itself back into place. "The entire base of the building's been compromised!" she shouted, "We need to get outside before the whole place goes!"

Then it was a mad rush down the stairs and out the door as the building started to shake again. Then without a shred of warning, black flames flooded the hallway in front of them. The searing heat slapped them like a wall of pain, but that was nothing on the screams of pain that could be faintly heard over the roar of the fire.

The flames lasted only a minute, and then the hallway was clear again, just in time for a young man with blonde hair to go sprinting down it and running right past the horrified councilmembers. They blinked in shock and then the young man jogged backwards back into view to look at them in surprise. He pulled out a stack of papers and looked at them, looked at the council, back at the papers, and then he bunched them up in one hand as the other shot out to dramatically point at them, "FOUND YOU! **_FLAME GOD…_**"

"ICE MAKE WALL!" "**BELLOOOOOOW!"** Ice and fire collided as the council turned tail and bolted back the way they had came. It wasn't until a moment later that Yajima shouted, "Where's Ultear?!"

"_ICE MAKE ROSEN KRONE!"_ Ultear suddenly appeared behind them riding on massive animate thorn vines made of ice, "GO! I'LL KEEP HIM BUSY!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!" the blonde man shouted from down the hallway, "FIRE GOD'S SCYTHE!" A massive blade of black flames suddenly swung through the walls and ceiling, leaving those absurdly hot flames and melting stone in its wake as it turned Ultear's ice roses to blistering steam.

Ultear only narrowly managed to jump over the blade as steam filled the hallway, "GO!"

Councilman Michelo spared her a glance before nodding, "Let's go!"

The others shot him looks of horror and outrage. "Are you seriously suggesting we leave her to that maniac?!" Org demanded.

"Do you seriously think he's here alone?!" Michelo shot back over his shoulder as he hightailed it down the hall away from the magical brawl that was rapidly destroying the building as Ultear led the black flame wizard away, "Ultear's at least as strong as Siegrain! She can handle herself, but most people aren't that strong!"

Belno scowled, "You're just trying to save your own skin…" Then she shot past him, snatching him up in the process, "But in this case you're probably right! COME ON!" The others shot one final look at the boiling cloud of steam hiding Ultear and her opponent from view and then hurried after them.

A moment later as they followed the trail of carnage the fire wizard had left through the building, they found his friends as they burst into the Etherion control center and found it bustling with activity. "WHY ARE THEY PREPARING THE ETHERION TO FIRE?!" Michelo shouted.

"Ah, just the people I wanted to see," a voice drawled from next to the door they had just come through. "_Kneel._" Half the remaining councilmembers suddenly found their knees giving out beneath them. Only Org, Belno and Mr. Yajima were able to keep their feet, and they were shaking as they fought to stand.

"This is…Human Enslavement Magic?!" Org exclaimed in horror as the calm actions of the toad workers suddenly made sense.

"It is indeed!" The wizard controlling the toad workers declared proudly as he stepped forward, revealing himself to be covered in white fur and have the head of a goat, "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Caprico of Grimoire Heart's Seven Kin of Purgatory. We are here to borrow your Etherion for a brief little ritual and then kill you all."

"You're behind the R-System?" Belno demanded.

"And my comrade is behind you," Caprico replied cheerfully.

Belno looked over her shoulder and saw a man in a ski jacket with a silver pompadour and sunglasses, "This club comes from a piece of bodock, it's sole intended purpose is your head to knock!" **WHAP!** **WHAM!** **THUD! **Belno and Org were suddenly slammed to the floor by a piece of wood the size of a horse's leg that felt like it was made iron. Then the silver haired man spoke, "Oh my, it appears your magic cannot fell this old man Caprico! What a will of iron he must have to resist this much!"

Yajima shot him a death glare from between the two halves of the club he'd just sheared through by turning his entire body into a perfectly two dimensional plane. It had taken all his strength to use magic while maintaining his feet, now it was all he could do to stand, but still he ground out, "Fairy… Tail…"

"Ah, _that_ explains it," the silver haired man mused, "Truly the unquenchable spirit of the wizards from Fiore's greatest wild card knows no bounds. The fires of such a rebellious spirit burn bright even in the face of imminent doom."

"Don't give them _all _the credit," Chairman Seam drawled, drawing the silver haired man and Caprico's attention just in time for the floor to light up beneath them. **_BOOM!_** The two glowing Archive screens the Chairman had manifested beneath their feet exploded, sending both of them flying and breaking the hold of Caprico's Human Enslavement Magic.

"The rest of us aren't exactly slouches either!" Chairman Seam declared as he hefted his massive form to his feet and grinned viciously, "That magic of yours is pretty nasty, Caprico was it? Too bad for you, my Super Archive can override any mental magic! You want the Etherion?" A dozen glowing screens suddenly appeared around the Chairman as another lifted him off the ground, "COME AND TAKE IT!" The screens glowed brightly and then unleashed beams of light that the goat faced wizard only narrowly managed to flip out of the way of.

Meanwhile the toad workers were piloting their hovering workstations to the balconies and fleeing as fast as they could. The silver haired wizard suddenly found himself faced with an entire board of extremely irate magic councilmembers, Belno and Org in particular were utterly incandescent with fury.

Org's face was ominously lit by the lightning crackling around him. Belno was much less patient. "IRON MAKE MACHINE GUN!" she snapped as her hands glowed green and a massive multi barreled gun appeared in her hands. She didn't give the silver haired wizard even an instant to recover, immediately strangling the trigger and unloading a hailstorm of fire and bullets.

She snarled as she saw her bullets ricocheting away, effortlessly bounced away by an immense golden shield as the silver haired wizard called, "That which dwells in my left hand is a golden shield that pushes back everything, and from the depths of the underworld this blade cuts through everything with a deep black blade!" A massive tentacle tipped with vicious points suddenly erupted skyward over his shield, arcing over his shield and shooting towards Belno like a javelin.

Belno didn't even flinch as she sidestepped and Org discharged a lightning bolt into the tentacle. The silver haired wizard yelped and Councilman Hogg snatched the tentacle before it could disappear, snatching with all his immense strength and flinging the silver haired wizard into the air, Belno's line of fire easily following him as he was hurled out from behind his shield. Then the silver haired wizard took off on a streak of white, "And upon the wings of the Pegasus I take to the air! Hahaha-_HRK!_"

His laugh was cut short as Mr. Yajima swung a hand and a blade of magical energy shot into his gut. The silver haired magician fell from the air, his shield and the white feathers on his boots disappearing as his focus was shattered by the sudden pain. Before Belno could riddle him with holes though, Caprico shot across the room and snatched the silver haired wizard from the air, "Get your act together Rusty!"

"Rusty_rose_ you insufferable goat faced heathen," the now named Rustyrose groaned before raising his hand as Caprico clung to the wall like a lizard, "He comes forth from the lightning and his voice shakes the ground! Arise Sacred Guardian Beast, Belcusa the Thunderclap!"

A flash and boom later, a massive beast that looked like all the worst bits of a flayed man, a demon and a convoluted stone carving erupted into existence, roaring its challenge to the Council.

Said beast lasted all of five seconds as Mr. Yajima's hand blurred and a hurricane of magical blades shot forth, rending the massive magical construct to ribbons in an instant. Grimoire Heart and Magic Council alike stared in shock as Mr. Yajima straightened his hat with a crooked grin, "Oh yeah, I've still got it."

Chairman Seam and Org took this opportunity to blast the flabbergasted dark wizards with a volley of lasers and lightning bolts that sent them both flying. The instant they hit the ground, Belno had them wrapped in chains and bound to the ground. Just that quick, it was over.

Chairman Seam descended to the ground and stepped off, stroking his beard with one immense paw as he mused, "Aren't the Seven Kin of Purgatory supposed to be Grimoire Heart's strongest?"

"Perhaps we've been overestimating them if that's all they've got," Org mused.

Then a voice echoed from all around them, "I agree, Rustyrose and Caprico are indeed the weakest of the Seven."

Then the roof was ripped off and the floor suddenly erupted in vines. The council was immediately snared, bound and lifted high into the air, all the way up to the roof to ensure that even if they broke free they would fall to their deaths. Atop the wall where the now discarded roof had sat was a man in green and brown with dark skin and hair that looked like splintered bark. "Allow me to introduce myself," the man declared, "I am Azuma, the strongest of the Seven. I believe you will find defeating _me_ to be a bit more of a challenge."

A cloud of mist suddenly appeared on the top of the wall a little ways away and quickly coalesced into a masked figure clad in a dark cloak with a number of staves on his back and another in his hand, "I suppose that makes my timing rather lucky then doesn't it?"

Azuma turned to face the newcomer, "And who are you?"

The shadowy figure's eyes glowed with hatred and rage as he reached for his mask, "**_Allow me to introduce myself…_" **

The mask flew away and Azuma's eyes went wide in shock, "JELLAL?!"

"My name is Mystogan," the Jellal-look-a-like declared coldly as the Councilmembers gaped at him in shock, "But just for today, since I hear my brother's fresh out of hostages to force my silence, you can call me _Siegrain._"

**…**

**12:02, The Tower's Sakura Garden**

**…**

Dimaria looked like a demon straight out of hell, her eyes were blazing and flames licked through her hair like a crown of fire as she glared with absolute fury at the pink haired assassin who actually stepped back in surprise at the sudden hurricane of magical power emanating from her.

_"DO IT BABY! DO IT BABY!"_

_"THIS ENDS **NOW!**" _Dimaria shouted, "**FIRESTORM DRAGON ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!" **The ensuing maelstrom of white hot flames was above and beyond anything Natsu had ever started as it engulfed the bridge and bathed the whole room in a tsunami of blistering heat. Dimaria emptied every shred of the insane blazing power she had taken from the firestorm and then added everything she could to it just to be sure it would stick.

Even still, the pink haired assassin managed to dodge, only to suddenly be caught midair falling in slow motion, turning just barely fast enough to discover to her absolute horror that even if it was a bigger fire than Natsu had ever started, that didn't mean it was too big for him to _eat_.

"_Now burn like an animaaal…"_

Natsu's eyes looked like they had been replaced with miniature suns as he inhaled the massive firestorm in one gargantuan gulp and then in an attack that actually somehow dwarfed the intensity of the blaze a moment before… "**_FIRE DRAGOOON ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!_**_" _The flames raged for almost a full minute, roaring like thunder and bathing the room in blinding light as though the sun itself had popped in for a visit.

_"DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES I SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULAAAAA!"_

Whether or not there was even anything left of the pink haired assassin when the raging river of flames stopped may never be known, but what is certain is that the wall on the other side of her was completely obliterated. A hundred foot wide hole clear out the side of the tower was left smoldering in its wake as everything in the surrounding rooms ignited from the heat.

Dimaria stood for a moment with Happy, staring at the space where the pink haired assassin had been and the giant blazing hole now merrily burning away the tower around it. A small smile flicked across her face, "Huh, that was cool…" Then her knees gave out.

She stopped halfway to the ground as Lucy appeared to catch her, "Don't worry, I gotcha."

"Thanks," Dimaria muttered blearily, suddenly acutely aware that all the power she'd poured into that one last attack had been power that was pointedly _not _healing her massive wounds. Suddenly a cool sensation flowed across her torso and she cracked her eyes to see Lucy's hand wreathed in a chilly bluish white aura pressed over her wounds. She blinked, "You're catching on, really quickly…"

Lucy nodded, "Yeah, I've never used Caster magic before, but this lacrima's responding pretty well so far."

Dimaria smiled weakly, "Lord Boreas was the nice one…Lord Notus was grumpy…"

"I thought you said you never met them," Lucy mused as she pulled Dimaria's arm up over her shoulder, "Come on, let's try to get out of here. Can you walk?" Without waiting for an answer, she looked up at the bridge, "Hey Natsu! Get down here! Dimaria's hurt and so's Happy!"

Natsu suddenly appeared at the rail, "When did you get down there?!" He vaulted the rail and landed, hurrying over to crouch down, "Here, I'll carry you."

"I can…walk…" Dimaria forced out as she took an unsteady step and nearly fell, only for Natsu and Lucy to catch her.

"Uh-huh, sure you can," Lucy replied dryly, "And Happy and I are gonna switch hair colors any second now."

"Ha…ha…" Dimaria grumbled a little sourly as Lucy and Natsu got an arm each over their shoulders.

Lucy inhaled and a blur of white later there was a mound of snow leading back up to the bridge, "Up we go!"

It wasn't until a few minutes later that she mused, "So, if you ate Natsu's breath attack, and he ate yours, is that like the Dragon Slayer version of swapping spit?"

Natsu turned and started to complain about Lucy making it weird and gross, but then Dimaria raised her hand to Lucy's jaw, pushed it over towards her and kissed Lucy full on the mouth. Lucy blushed as pink as Natsu's hair as Natsu and Happy's jaws dropped. Dimaria smirked lightly at Lucy's utterly stunned expression, "There. Now I've kissed both of you, so don't get jealous."

Right about then they were teleported upstairs.

**…**

**Meanwhile, Magic Council Headquarters**

**...**

The staff in Mytogan's hand whirled and he shot forward, jabbing with it like a spear as its sharp fan shaped head spun like a drill bit before erupting in light as Azuma dodged to the side and exploding, sending the dark wizard flying. Azuma didn't fly far as a massive tree sprang into existence just in time to catch him. Azuma sprang back unhindered and torqued a roundhouse kick into Mystogan, only for his leg to impact Mystogan's staff, which glowed and transformed into a large scythe.

Mystogan whirled his staff and flung Azuma's leg high over their heads, forcing Azuma to land on his hands, off guard and completely vulnerable to Mystogan's follow-up slash as his scythe became a massive two handed sword. Azuma only avoided being cut in half by dropping into the vine like it was water, and he popped back out a moment later, surging out of the bark to deliver a massive uppercut to Mystogan's jaw.

Mystogan should've been sent flying, but instead his entire head dissolved in a puff of mist and Azuma had to spring back as Mystogan reversed his grip on his sword, still apparently headless as he thrust at Azuma's torso. The sword missed Azuma by a hair's breadth and was revealed to be an illusion as Mystogan appeared behind him, the haft of his scythe slamming into Azuma's head and batting him off the vine with the immense momentum that huge blade built up.

Once again Azuma landed on a tree that erupted into being for the soul purpose of catching him, but this time rather than simply land on it, he dropped into the wood like water and reappeared again, this time surging out of the ground behind Mystogan as he roared, "BLEVE!" A sizeable explosion erupted from his hand and engulfed Mystogan, the Fairy Tail wizard disappearing in the flames.

Azuma materialized fully and narrowed his eyes at the spot where Mystogan had been, then he threw out a much larger explosion behind him, "Stop playing around! Your strength is admirable but these games will not win you this battle!"

"What makes you think I'm playing?" Mystogan asked calmly from just outside of the first explosion's reach as he reappeared in another coalescing of mist, "Two Layer Magic Circle, _Drought._"

Azuma's eyes widened in horror as two magical circles stacked on top of each other erupted around Mystogan, suddenly unleashing a wall of heat that boiled all the wood it came into contact dry, unleashing a massive cloud of steam as the wood withered in a rapidly advancing wave that Azuma had to fling himself off the building to dodge. Azuma caught himself on another tree that he grew out of the side of the building, noting how all of his plants within a fifty meter radius had been instantly reduced to kindling, including the ones holding Magic Council members who were now floating down to the ground atop one of Chairman Seam's Archive Screens.

Azuma grit his teeth feeling quite torn. The mission was rapidly falling apart, but apparently Mystogan was still just playing with him, which meant he had to be _absurdly _strong. The big grin that spread across his face made it quite obvious the instant Azuma decided _Screw the mission, this is more fun._

"Your use of your staves is quite admirable," Azuma called as his tree lifted him closer, "You have truly attained quite a level of mastery with them! Now that the Council is out of the way, will you show me your true strength? I do not believe for an instant that the magic of your Sea Fin Scythe, Desert Skull Stave and Windcatcher are the extent of your power!"

"You are correct," Mystogan replied with a small smile, "I have a Mind's Eye Scepter and a Grand Witching Prongs as well. Speaking of which," he pointed upwards as Azuma's expression fell into confusion, "_Skyscraper._"

Azuma didn't look up until the ground exploded beneath him and hurled him skyward. Irrational terror suddenly besieged his mind as he flew higher, higher, _higher _until a glance over his shoulder provided him with a view of the world's full circle. He hung there for a brief second before black tendrils erupted from nothing and began to bind him. Azuma struggled against them, the terror increasing every second and then growing exponentially as a massive hole erupted in the darkness, "WHAT MANNER OF MAGIC IS THIS?!"

Then something stirred in the darkness and Azuma froze, the unmistakable feeling of being hopelessly outmatched overwhelming him and triggering a primal instinct to hold still and pray the danger would pass. His hopes were dashed a moment later as the darkness erupted in the shape of a demon larger than anything he'd ever seen, covered in green scales with massive teeth and a form that was a mockery of a giant's. Horns and eyes and a slimy tongue a mile long drove Azuma to panic as a hand the size of a mountain's base reached out to snatch him. Knowing that nothing less than the strongest attack he had would stop this monstrosity, Azuma bellowed in terror, "TERRA CLAMARE!"

The ensuing explosion shattered the illusion and nearly destroyed what was left of the Magic Council's Headquarters, but Azuma didn't care. As the terror faded and he realized it had been an illusion, his face twisted into an expression of absolute outrage. His eyes snapped up in a glare and he roared, "**_DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL?!_**"

"Nope. Five Layer Magic Circle, Sacred Song."

Azuma's eyes went wide as he realized he was standing directly under a stack of massive magic circles which were now shining a pillar of light down around him, "Oh…" **BOOM!** If Azuma hadn't been so rattled by the illusion a moment before, or maybe if he'd had a bit more magic power on tap, he would've been able to muster enough vines to block the attack. Instead, the focused eruption of magic power that slammed him through the tree he was standing on over fifty feet to the ground pummeled him with the force of an avalanche, searing and scratching and freezing all at once as his mind fought to retain his grip on consciousness.

A lesser foe would've been taken out immediately, but Azuma actually managed to force himself back to his feet. He was bruised, bleeding and slightly unsteady on his feet, but he was still grinning like he was having the time of his life as Mystogan reappeared before him. "Truly impressive!" Azuma declared as he wiped some of the blood from his chin, "To think that you would be able to drive me this far with nothing but common Holder Magic! You haven't even begun to fight yet have you? Truly you are a foe like no other Mystogan of Fairy Tail!"

Mystogan smiled at the praise, "Actually believe it or not, I'm a Holder _Type._ I haven't actually got a shred of magic of my own. If I did I'd have used it by now. You're not the type of man I can afford to hold back against, Azuma of the Seven Kin."

Azuma laughed even though doing so clearly hurt him, "Surely you jest! But I shall take no offense, clearly I must grow stronger so that when next we face each other I will be able to bear witness to your full strength! For now though, my mission has failed and I must retrieve my comrades." He forced himself upright, "So allow me to leave you with this parting gift! _Farewell!_" He threw his hands wide, "TERRA…" He slammed them together as though in prayer, "**CLAMARE!**"

"Three Layer Magic Circle: Mirror Water," Mystogan replied, and as Azuma's eyes went wide in horror, his massive attack promptly switched positions from beneath Mystogan's feet, to beneath his own.

Azuma's face was a portrait of pure shock, and then it twitched into a weary grin right before the explosion erupted beneath him, "Truly I have much to learn." **_BOOOOOOOOOOM!_**

As Mystogan watched Azuma's charred, battered and thoroughly unconscious form fall to the ground a minute later, he wondered aloud, "Why does everyone always have such a hard time believing I'm a Holder Type?" He smiled faintly as he tied his mask back on, "Honestly Azuma I hope you don't get any stronger, that was actually really really hard!"

**…**

**12:00 AM, Top of the Tower**

**…**

Erza jumped slightly as the pitch black void erupted through the wall. Jellal didn't even have time to try to move before the void slammed into him and dragged him across the room to slam his head into the wall in a blur of motion with such force that the wall cracked. Jellal tried to activate his Meteor spell, but the light was immediately drawn into the void where it was holding him. As if spurred on by the sudden influx of power, the void took off like a shot around the perimeter of the room. Erza wasn't sure how many times the void shot around the room with Jellal's body trailing along the surface of the wall like a streamer.

Jellal tried to put his hands out to stop his face first skid across the surface of the wall and the void suddenly stopped and hurled him across the room. Jellal's Meteor finally activated, but the void was on top of him again in an instant, savagely driving into his gut and doubling him up before twisting and slamming him into the ground with his Meteor extinguished. The void shrank slightly and caught Jellal by the back of the head, raising him up and slamming his face into the ground with an explosion of light from just above where it was holding Jellal. As Jellal's face slammed into the floor without a single shred of magic to reinforce it, Erza realized what, or rather _who_ the void was.

"JERRY IS THAT YOU?!" Erza shouted, but I didn't answer. I snatched his head back up from the floor and saw that most of his face had been reduced to a bloody wreck. The entire left side of his face had been ground away. That looked kind of like it might be the corner of his eye socket poking out. His nose was a mashed in mess and he had numerous scrapes and cuts from being rocket slammed into the floor. I gave him another blast powered punch in the teeth anyway. Then two more for good measure.

I portal tripped him as he was staggering back and put a blast powered pile driver into his face. I also summoned a portal to the top of his damn throne under his back right before I slammed his head down. Since I'd already caught his foot in a portal, I was rewarded with a piercing crack and my punching bag cried out in pain. He started to go limp and I snarled, "No, _you don't get to pass out._"

One burst of reverse-Sleep magic and he was wide awake for the continuation of what I was hell bent on making his execution. I grabbed him by the shoulders and hurled him across the room to slam into his throne. A thrice be damned _throne, _WHO DID THIS PIECE OF SHIT THINK HE WAS?! I shot across the room on a blast and drove my fist home with enough power to pulp his innards, which made it even more frustrating that he managed to throw himself out of the way as his throne broke into countless pieces. In retrospect I'm sure he used magic, but at the time my only thought was: _Must've missed his spine. I'll have to fix that._

"Wha ah 'ou 'oin?!" Gore-face slurred through a mouth full of shattered teeth and blood as he scrambled back, "'Oo ah ou?!"

"My name is Gerard Sieg Granger. The friends I don't deserve call me Jerry," I let Blackout Mode fade from around my head, "I'm the you that _didn't save her_."

His still functioning eye went wide as he saw my face, only different from his in that mine was still intact, "'Uh a 'ell?!"

In retrospect, given that he blasted me out of the train car almost as soon as he walked in, I suppose he hadn't really had time to get a good look at me in our earlier encounter before I got slammed into a cliff and three miles of dirt face first. The wounds had stopped bleeding and I'd gotten the blood and dirt off now, so now he could get the full effect of having someone who looked exactly like him hell bent on killing him.

But rather than give it time to sink in and possibly let him think of a way to fight back, I teleported and drove a blast powered stomp into the floor that he only narrowly managed to roll out of the way of. I glared at him and knelt, snatching him by the collar and draining his fledgling flight spell to nothing before sending him flying the painful way with another blast powered punch to the jaw. There would be no fighting back, there would be no room for thoughts that might get him out of this, and even on the very slim chance he somehow survived this, there would _for damn sure be no more looking like me when I was done with him!_

"So now we are presented with a _veeery_ rare and unique opportunity!" I snarled before shooting forward to punt him the rest of the way across the room into the wall, "I get to _beat myself up_ and work through some of the soul crushing self-loathing I've had ever since the day I saw her die…" A teleport and a full body uppercut drove him into the ceiling before gravity could peel him off the wall, "_because I was too much of a GODDAMN COWARD to draw that bastard's attention," _he bounced off the ceiling and started to fall,_ "and too much of a little FUCKING **PRIIICK!**_" I roared as I drove him into the ground again,_ "to invite her over to play that afternoon!"_

The floor cracked and blood flew, but I didn't care. I grabbed him by his feet, spun and slammed him face first into the wall like a bat as hard as I could before adjusting my grip to hurl him across the room again. "I went through the woods to invite her over to play because Simon and Milly and Katie and Wally and Ricky and Joey ALL agreed that I had been too mean that day," I ranted as I stormed across the room to the barely twitching form of my punching bag. I grabbed him by lapel and pulled what was left of his face up to mine, "_And what do you think I saw when I made it to the hedge?"_

"Uh?" He mumbled.

"HER OWN FUCKING DAD WITH A GUN TO HER BACK!" I roared as I slammed my fist into his face with every shred of fury and muscle I could muster. I twisted and hurled him off the wall, "_I COULD'VE SAID SOMETHING! I COULD'VE SHOUTED! I COULD'VE GIVEN HER A CHANCE TO RUN! SHE WAS IN **TEARS** YOU SON OF A BITCH!" _As he was about to regain his balance, I drove another full body uppercut into his jaw hard enough to pick his feet up well over a foot off the ground.

"SHE **_DIED_** BECAUSE I WAS TOO MUCH OF A GODDAMNED COWARD TO YELL AT HIM! ONE WORD AND I COULD'VE SAVED HER! IT MIGHT'VE GOTTEN ME KILLED, BUT I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN HEAR HER CRYING FOR HIM TO STOP AND LET HER GO EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HER!" I thundered as he fell to the ground and caught another full body right hook to his gut that flung him across the room.

"That worthless bastard went back inside afterwards, and I ran to get her out of there," I panted, "I picked her up, and tried to get her through the woods to someone who could help, _anyone _who could help…" I strode across the room trembling with fury as I caught him by the throat, "Do you know what her last words were? Can your _wretched **black LUMP**_ of a heart even _begin_ to imagine, what that sweet, innocent little girl said to me as I lugged her across the woods while she was steadily bleeding out?"

There was no response, and the way his functioning eye was half lidded and looking kind of out of focus I wasn't sure he could even understand me, but I didn't care. I was almost blind with fury at this point as I hissed, "_She_ _thanked her Prince Charming for saving her."_

The amazingly unbloodied and un-blackened eye widened in horror and a hateful grimace twisted my features as I furiously wheezed, "_I see you understand **exactly** what I'm talking about! So I'm sure you understand…_" I hauled back and drove my fist into his face again as I bellowed, "_WHY I'M NOT LETTING **YOU** HARM ONE SINGLE HAIR ON HER HEAD!"_

"OF ALL THE CRUEL IRONIES I CAN THINK OF…" I roared as I hurled him halfway across the room again, "I CAN'T THINK OF _ANYTHING MORE OFFENSIVE_ THAN TO BE CONFRONTED WITH A ME, WHO MADE THE _RIGHT CHOICE_, WHO ACTUALLY _EARNED _THAT LITTLE GIRL'S AFFECTION AND SAVED HER, AND THEN **_THREW IT AWAY!"_**

He got the full rocket punch this time. I jumped and blasted myself into him like the meteor he'd thrown at me earlier, driving my fist into him with everything I had. Then I hit him again. Then again and again and again until my shoulders started to ache from repetition. As his bones started to cave beneath my fists, my rage and regret shook me like a leaf in a gale. With my chest too tight for me draw anything like a proper breath I panted, "You have no idea… no idea how much I hate myself… how much I've hated myself every damn minute since then… and _YOU…_ YOU are _everything I hate,_ about me, _times ten!_ So I'm sorry, but you _really, REALLY _have to go. But don't worry," I grinned with weary savageness and not even caring that he wasn't even twitching anymore, "we'll do this again one day…"

I pulled back for the blow that would splatter his skull like an egg and looked him square in the glazed over, bloody and out of focus eye, "_When I see you in Hell…_"

…

…

…

I paused as I felt someone grab my bicep and fist before I could end it, then Erza said quietly, "Don't."

"Why not?" I asked in a voice as emotionally dead as I felt.

Erza was quiet for a moment, "Do you really think she'd want you to?"

I let my fist uncurl and my arm untensed, but Erza held onto my hand anyway. Then she drew my eye by guiding my hand to her face, and I saw she was giving me the softest most forgiving smile I'd ever seen, "I'm right here."

The tears started leaking out then as all the fear and rage and pain caught up to me. I couldn't have the massive breakdown I wanted to have right then, I was too exhausted to even do that, but that didn't stop the waterworks as I forced myself to stand up off what was left of my doppelganger. I staggered slightly and Erza caught me. I wanted to just fall to my knees and have a good cry, but, "We should go find the others…Blow this place to smithereens…Evacuated everyone but the team when I arrived…Simon and Katie and Milly and Joe and Risley are alright. Sent the evacuees to them. Oh…one more thing before we go…hope there's enough left…"

"Left?" Erza asked curiously as I stepped back, "Left of what?"

"Brain," I answered simply as I stretched my hand towards my doppelganger. Bars popped into existence around me and quickly started fading from gold to blue as all the information on magic in my doppelganger's thoroughly concussed head started downloading into mine. I took a deep breath, the flood of knowledge had somewhat buried my emotions and a quick burst of my own calming magic was able to stabilize my thoughts from the completely incoherent hurricane of screaming emotions they had been since I'd realized who Erza was.

One more deep breath and I was okay again. I looked at Erza feeling still very tired, "After we finish demolishing this place, I'd like to find somewhere quiet and just hold onto you and maybe cry my eyes out for a bit. I apologize if that sounds weird but, oh…" she suddenly wrapped me in a hug.

"It's not weird at all," Erza told me quietly, "If it is, then I'm weird too because I feel the same way."

I nodded and hugged her back, "Then we'll do that sometime." I might've had part of a handle on it right then, but there was a lot of healing that still needed to happen between me and her and I was certain she felt the same. We'd probably never get the chance with each others' respective counterparts, but I couldn't help hoping that maybe we didn't need to.

I nodded and hugged her a little tighter before stepping back, "Hang on a second, I'll get the others and then we can blast this place to oblivion." I stepped back slightly, snapped my fingers and all six of our friends were suddenly right in front of us and my brain kicked over from emotionally dead exhaustion to absolute alarm, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU THREE?!"

.

.

.

* * *

...

**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE GUILD HALL?!"_


	42. Ch37: Home At Last

**AN: _Okay as always, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

**Zeak106**: _Yep, I originally thought about going serious - fun - epic, but then I decided the more natural progression was fun - epic - serious. My apologies if it caught you flat footed, but it wouldn't be much of a WHAM episode if it didn't come as a surprise. Glad you enjoyed, here's this week's chapter!_

**Beruit:** _Yes indeed, Jerry is from a Nasuverse world and a distant descendant of not only Ozymandias, but also Cu Chulainn on his father's side. If he hadn't had the catalyst for Gilgamesh, he would've summoned Caster Cu. He did indeed use mage craft, although he was very young he was also very talented and had a special gift for fire element magic. He lost all his memory of the existence of magic at the end of the Holy Grail War when Gilgamesh erased his memories and suppressed his new powers as a demi-Servant (yes he's like Mash) to protect him from the Mage's Association, but now he has regained his memories and powers in full. How the Tower Arc ends? Wait no longer for the end is nigh!_

**Arclight001: **_TROLOLOLOLOL... You might possibly have come to that conclusion due to the red herring I threw out in the Reviewer Replies of Ch25: the battle of Mildian to trick people off the scent of who Jerry is pointing out that there was another very powerful mage with a scar over his eye running around who would produce similar results to what Jerry has if possessed of Jerry's personality and quirks. I do apologize for misleading you, but I believe the last chapter had much more impact thanks to it. I was honestly surprised, I thought Erza revealing his full name and thus giving it away at the end of Chapter 35 would be the wham episode. It quite surprised me that apparently nobody actually caught on until Jerry was in the middle of spelling it out to Jellal. Oh well, it strengthened the impact of that scene and that was fully intended to be the heaviest hitting scene until at least some chapter in the vicinity of... (goes to look at schedule) ...somewhere around __seventy._

**Wori Hu:** _(bows) To quote the God of Mischief: Tadaaa!_

**Raidentensho:** _Oh no, she's already known for a while. Mira made it very clear to her back in chapter 22 so she didn't eviscerate Jerry for 'shopping around'. Erza's just been keeping her distance because of the whole 'uncanny resemblance to Jellal' and accompanying mental/emotional baggage that went with finding out who Jerry was. Yes Jerry will now be Erza's go-to partner for missions (*coughDATEScough*) and as for armor, the kitsune thing is an interesting idea, yes some armor modification is on the way, but no, that's not the one I had in mind. 'Week they halt the trip'... I'm sorry are we talking about the same story here? Trip's over! They make it home this chapter. Would've made it home three chapters ago if Jellal hadn't interrupted. Also, no, this chapter actually takes place starting on the morning of September 30th. It's well past beach season._

**Eluvian Camaris:** _(bows) To quote the God of Mischief: Tadaaa! And yes, thank you very much for the high praise. It took some doing to make such a gut wrenching backstory, so I'm glad it had the intended effects. Don't worry, that's far and away the most horrible thing I've got lined up to spring on everybody until sometime around Thanksgiving, maybe a little after. Honestly, even that's going to be more of an epic "OH **SHIT!**" moment than a Feels Buster. The next one of THOSE isn't scheduled until sometime next year, and if I do ANYTHING right with the characters involved between now and then, then it is going to be nothing short of completely and utterly heartbreaking._

_..._

**_Also, since only two people asked questions, but I got six comments, here's four fun pieces of trivia regarding the Tower Arc:_**

**_1) In canon, Crawford Seam wasn't present when the Council voted to fire the Etherion as he was taking a week of vacation. The difference here is that the Tower Arc took place a few weeks later than it did in canon due to Erza and the team being out of the country._**

**_2) We actually got to see Lucy's surprise Caster Magic be used for the first time last chapter, and I'm not talking about the Snow Dragon lacrima. If you didn't catch it, go back and reread the fight scenes she's in, see if you can figure it out before she does! :D_**

**_3) In canon, only Ikaruga of Trinity Raven was ever confirmed dead. I will now confirm that Vidaldus was the last one standing, and he got squashed when the tower came down._**

**_4) In canon Mystogan's staves were never given any name or classification. Here they are common Holder Magic weapons related to five elements, The Sea Fin Scythe (Water), Desert Skull Stave (Fire), Windcatcher (Wind), Grand Witching Forks (Earth) and Mind's Eye Scepter (Mind). They are not considered particularly powerful on their own, but Mystogan has mastered dozens of different ways to combine their abilities making him actually the most versatile and unpredictable of Fairy Tail's current S-Class despite being from Edolas and thus having no innate magic of his own._**

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**I feel I've blabbered enough now, so on with the show! :D**

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**Ch37: Home At Last**

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_12:37 AM, Magic Council HQ_

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I punted Jellal through the portal to Magic Council Headquarters and the rest of us followed him through. I could've dragged him, I could've thrown him or shoved him. Those would've been slightly more polite, but I was still feeling _decidedly_ uncivil towards my thoroughly battered doppelganger. I'd told Erza I wouldn't kill him, that didn't mean I was going to stop hammering home my intense hatred of him every chance I got.

The rib cracking punt that hurled him through the portal to land at the Magic Council's feet felt pretty damn good on my end!

I waved with a plastered on smile as I led the team through the portal, "Aloha! Jerry Granger and Fairy Tail's best with good news and a special delivery of one severely evil, freshly _tenderized_ **scumbag** for processing!"

Erza elbowed me gently as she stepped forward and gestured to the limp form of my doppelganger, "Esteemed Councilmembers, this man is Jellal Fernandes. He is responsible for the enslavement of hundreds and attempted activation of the forbidden magic known as the R-System. We would like to turn him in."

"We've been informed," Chairman Seam declared flatly before pointing over our heads.

We turned and my eyes were far from the only pair that bugged out, "The hell happened here?"

"Jellal had friends in low places," Ultear declared from where she was holding a clump of ice over a nasty looking welt on her cheek, "Apparently he was one of Grimoire Heart's Seven Kin of Purgatory. They sent four more of the Seven Kin to take the Etherion by force."

I turned to look at her in horror, "Is everyone okay?!"

"Seventy three confirmed dead, another ninety eight in critical condition and nearly that many again with less severe injuries," Mr. Yajima declared somberly, "They had a Fire _God_ Slayer who was very enthusiastic about torching everything and every_body _he came across."

Everyone was quiet for a moment and then Belno spoke up, "It's good to see you looking well Gajeel. Have you been behaving yourself?"

"A model teammate," Erza answered smoothly before Gajeel could get a word out. Gajeel's jaw dropped and he actually blushed a little as Erza continued, "He's been immensely helpful and a tremendous asset. We were very glad to have him on this last mission."

Belno nodded, "I'm glad to hear it. So, would you like to explain what happened? Mystogan and Makarov have already explained what they knew of the situation, but I would like to hear it from you."

My grin got twitchy, "Erza, I'm gonna let you answer this one."

"Probably wise since I doubt you'd be able to keep your manners through an explanation," Erza replied dryly.

My twitchy grin grew a little twitchier as I declared through clenched teeth, "You have no idea." I'd be cursing a streak bluer than my hair in short order if I started trying to recount the evening's events.

Org looked at us in surprise, "He _has _manners?"

I shot him a twitchy look and Erza gently elbowed me again, "He does actually, but he's had a very trying evening. We all have."

Right about then Jellal came to with a groan and my gaze snapped to him, "**_NOPE!_**_"_ **BOOM!** My fist slammed into his head at what Archive clocked as around a hundred and twenty miles per hour. I mentally noted that this new 'Meteor' business was some powerful stuff. If I hadn't pulled the punch when it made contact, it would've splattered his magicless head like an egg. As was, I think I still broke the back of his skull like a rock into a window.

I was acutely aware that everyone was staring at me, so I looked up, "Allow me to clarify, I'm not his brother or cousin or clone. I'm _him_ from the other side of Edolas if you understand what that means. I'm the 'foul mouthed but actually a good guy' version. As you can imagine, I didn't like this slimy scum bag having my face." I lifted him by the top of his head and showed them what was left of said face, "So I fixed it."

Ultear actually looked like she might vomit and the rest of the Council were looking at me like I might go crazy and attack them at any moment. Erza promptly slugged me in the top of the head, "Are you _trying _to get in trouble?!"

I rubbed my head and shot a mild glare at her, "I don't see why _any of them_ should be upset given what this rancid pile of mold and manure was trying to do! He deserved every bit of that beating! None of them have done anything to us, _they've_ got nothing to be worried about!"

"Would we if we did?" Chairman Seam asked cautiously.

"No!" Erza answered quickly.

"Are you going to try to murder my friends and resurrect Zeref?" I asked bluntly.

Erza punched me in the head again, "SHUT! UP!"

I pouted at her for a moment as her hand rested on my shoulder and then, "Fine, but if he tries to get up, I'm picking back up where I left off!"

Erza sighed, and then without the slightest warning swept my feet out from under me, spun me around before I could hit the ground and sat on my head. "I am _really_ sorry about him," she told the Council, "He's still _extremely_ worked up from earlier no matter how much he tries to pretend he's calm."

I would normally have retaliated to having my face sat on in some small way. This particular time though? I was much too happy about Erza simply being alive to actually be upset with her, so instead I simply crossed my arms, huffed in light annoyance and folded one leg over the other. I couldn't see anything, but I could still hear perfectly as Mr. Yajima asked, "_That's_ pretending to be calm?"

"Oh he's _vastly _calmer right now than he was half an hour ago," Erza reassured him, "He was so enraged that I was honestly surprised he could speak coherently. I think Jellal managed to push every single berserk button he has."

_More like slammed them with a twenty pound sledgehammer,_ I thought to myself, but I stayed quiet and tried to calm myself back down. After a moment it occurred to me to focus on something happy, and something happy was quite literally right on top of me. _She's okay… _It was the most comforting idea I'd been wanting to be true for the better part of a decade, and it actually did serve to calm me down a lot as Erza and the others proceeded to explain the evening's events to the Council. With the magic reinforcing my body, I didn't even really feel any pressure from her full body weight pressing down on me. It was about like having a pillow on my forehead. I'm not sure when I dozed off, but between the massive guilt that had been hanging over me like a cloud since the day it happened finally having a hole punched through it, and the knowledge that all my friends were safe, doze off I did.

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_The Next Morning_

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Have you ever woken up and not known where the hell you were? It's actually scary as shit, especially if you don't recognize the place within about the first minute at the outside. The last time it happened to me, I was waking up in Hargeon. Needless to say, I went to jump out of bed immediately, only for a slim but ridiculously strong hand to snap out and snatch me right back face first into something very soft that smelled like strawberries and metal. A pair of legs wrapped around me and I felt a face bury itself in my hair as my surprise bedmate made a noise in the negative.

It took me a second before I realized who it was, _Erza?!_ The events of the previous night crashed back into my conscious like a tidal wave and I went stiff as a board for a moment before smiling and letting myself slump into her most likely unconscious embrace. _I could get used to this… _my mind churned up instinctively as my body did what any man's would. My face furrowed a little, _Better check on the others…_

I reached out with my telepathy and quickly located them. I exhaled in relief as I found them all sleeping safe and sound. A stretch of my telekinesis was all it took to check on them, simply checking the matter that comprised them revealed that Lucy and Mari had managed to heal Mari, Natsu and Happy's wounds. It seemed like they'd have some rather impressive new scars, Natsu shockingly less than the others to such a degree that I had to seriously wonder just exactly how much magic _was _pumping through reinforcing his hide, but they were all alive and healthy, and that's what was important. Mari and Lucy were cuddled up next to each other and Natsu was crashed out on the couch in their room with Happy on his lap. I puzzled for a moment over Gajeel and Levy being cuddled up every bit as amiably as Erza was to me in the next room…except with considerably less clothes on. Then I grinned, _Good for you Gajeel._ _You too Levy!_

I also sensed multiple guards and minds bustling about throughout the rest of what I could sense to be a very sizable building. A few minutes of eavesdropping later I figured out that we were in Magic Council HQ as guests. _Well, nothing to do except enjoy the warmth while it lasts, _I thought to myself before sighing contentedly and smiling into Erza's bosom, _I hope she's not angry when she-_

"You're awake," Erza noted quietly. _Shit._ _So much for happy happy snuggle time…_

"I was going to let you sleep a bit longer," I replied, "This is a very nice place to be."

"Mmm…" Erza agreed, "We probably shouldn't be like this though. What would Mira think?"

"Mira'd be overjoyed and climbing into join us," I replied with a smile.

Erza was quiet for a moment and then, "If you keep flirting with me like that, I might have to start questioning whether or not you actually love her."

I scowled and shoved myself up to eye level with her, "Don't. You. _Ever. _Imply that I do not love Mira," I growled. Erza looked very startled and I let the fire in me cool quickly because I knew that she hadn't really meant it, "Mira happens to absolutely _adore _you and considers you and Cana her very dearest friends. I know for a fact she wants to have a romp with you two just as wild as anything she does with me. It's what her break up with Laxus was over."

Erza's eyes went wide, "_What?! Mira never told us anything about it!"_

I nodded, "Mira wanted to have a threesome. Laxus thought she meant with another guy and flipped out and stormed off before she could explain. That's why she wanted to wait six months before we picked up again, was so that she could have time to _corner_ that stupid shock jockey and figure out if there's anything still there."

Erza laid her head back and closed her eyes to groan, "Oh _god Mira…_"

I nodded, "Mmhmm. Imagine how _I _felt about it. _I _almost had a child on the way."

Erza jumped like I had tasered her, _"WHAT?!"_

I raised an eyebrow, "Remember how I showed up to the train station?"

Erza thought for a moment and then frowned, "Not everyone uses Archive for a flawless memory."

"I had just come straight from a not-so-quicky with Mira," I reminded her, "and neither of us thought about the fact that it was _not _a safe day. She remembered that night and took her contraceptive jelly, so she's not pregnant," I added, "But she flat out told me that she would've said the hell with it and let the chips fall where they may if not for that big what if with Laxus." I took a breath, "She told me she doesn't feel like she's ready for that yet, and I agree. That would be very rush rush and as great as we are together, I can't deny that things go wrong and we may wind up falling apart before that happens." I sighed, "It doesn't change the fact that it's one of the two things I want most in the world."

"What's the other one?" Erza asked after a moment.

"The closest I'm ever going to get is currently wrapped around me like a snake," I told her quietly.

"…Me?" Erza asked quietly.

"You saw the memory on the boat," I remembered quietly, "You know how much of an impact she had. I guess now it makes perfect sense why you latched onto it and everything else about her so hard. Did you know then?"

Erza nodded slowly and reached up to gently rub the side of my face that my circuits had seemingly permanently manifested on, "I've known since the instant I saw your face. How could I not?"

I grimaced, "I guess that makes sense. I'm, sorry I didn't recognize you as quickly."

Erza smiled, "It's not your fault. My eye's a lot different from a glass one."

I looked at the eye that I now knew to be a magical prosthetic, "Even knowing it's fake, I can't tell any difference between it and the real one."

We were quiet for a moment and then Erza asked, "Do you think that anything would've happened between you and her if she had lived?"

I smiled sadly, "You might remember that King Gilgamesh showed me the other worlds where she survived, the worlds I couldn't bear to sacrifice to bring her back in my own. In _most _of them, yes Erza. She became either my adopted and very overprotected sister, or my first, and last, girlfriend, and the me's of those timelines love her every bit as much as I do Mira."

"…So, do you think, if Jellal…" she bit her lip and wouldn't meet my gaze.

"If he hadn't been tortured into insanity would he have been the fairy tale prince you deserve?" I finished quietly. Erza nodded and I thought for a second, "As much as I hate him, I hate him because he is still very much _me._ He thinks the same way I do, and if not for the obsession with reviving Zeref, going by what I saw of his mind when I ripped all his knowledge of magic out last night, he'd be exactly like me in every way, except even more hopelessly smitten with you."

Erza _did _meet my gaze then, "Hopelessly smitten?"

Now it was my turn to avert my gaze from hers, with an added blush, "I'm not going to lie Erza. Even before I knew who you were, you're like a magnet to me. You're powerful, beautiful, smart, strong willed, kind and actually very fun to be around. If I wasn't already so caught up with Mira, I think I'd honestly have fallen just as hard for you on this mission. You're amazing," I admitted quietly, "And honestly, I think I may wind up falling for you yet. If I'd met you first, nobody else would've stood a chance. This six months, four and a half now," I corrected myself, "may put paid to my relationship with Mira if I keep hanging around you like we have for the last month."

Then I had to smirk lightly, "Except for the fact that she'd probably jump in bed with both of us at a moment's notice. I'm not sure how she feels about three way relationships, but I know it _can _be done. Either of you would be a dream come true, _both_ of you?" I snorted lightly, "I'd go ahead and thank my lucky stars that I _did _somehow get into Heaven."

Erza smiled lightly, "Do you really think you could handle both of us at once?"

I grinned, "I think you'd help me with each other and we'd balance out." Erza contemplated that for a second and in the quiet I added, "No matter what though, I'm always going to do whatever I can to protect you."

Erza's gaze snapped back into focus as I explained, "Even if Erica wasn't you, she was close enough that all the emotions I had regarding her are likely to stick themselves to you now. You're not her stand in. You're not her ghost. I know that, but I'm still going to protect you like I should have protected her, and like _he_ should've protected you."

Erza started slightly as she realized what I was implying, "That's not your fault! His actions are his! You beat yourself up too much already! Don't go taking responsibility for the actions of someone else as well!"

I smiled, "Erza if I accepted the guilt for _his _actions, I'd have killed him no matter what you said and then blown _my own_ head off immediately after. I'm going to protect you because I think you deserve protecting whether you need it or not. I'll protect everybody," I added quietly, "but you're just a little bit special to me now ya know?"

Erza cupped my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes for what seemed like a long time and then she smiled, "What am I going to do with you? Saying things like that and being all romantic even when you insist you're not…you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers, "I'd say let's experiment and find out, but I think we both know what's going to happen if we start in this position, and I'm pretty sure even a kiss from you right now would drive me to madness with you wrapped around me like this."

Even so close and out of focus, I could tell Erza was blushing the color of her hair.

Then an alarm clock suddenly went off on the night stand next to us and was promptly cut in half as Erza shot a reflexive glare down the length of her sword at it. You'd expect that to be a total mood killer right?

Then she glanced at me and started to blush in embarrassment and looked so damn cute that I couldn't help it, I swooped in for a kiss. It was a quick kiss, I didn't give it time to start a fire, but damn if that starstruck expression on her face didn't come close to igniting the inferno anyway!

I teleported onto the couch before I could cave to my instincts and stared at the ceiling, "Hoooly crap, can_not_ be that close to you…"

I looked at her and realized the top four buttons of her pajamas were undone. I got a brief glimpse of almost half a breast and blushed as red as the tousled hair framing that magnificently aroused blush. "I'ma-go-get-breakfast-see-you-soon-when-I-can-maybe-possibly-resist-the-urge-to-jump-your-bones-like-a-rabbit-in-heat-bye!"

I teleported to the roof and rolled around with my face in my hands, dying of embarrassment and wishing so much that I could delete the memory, _OH MY GOD I AM SUCH A HOPELESS FUCKING HORNDOG DORK! GODDAMMIT HOW IS SHE SO **PERFECT?!**_

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_Later_

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Erza and I hadn't been able to meet each other's gaze since that morning without immediately blushing and averting our eyes.

Gajeel of course had cottoned on to it immediately and asked me quite bluntly if we banged. Cue both of us blushing as red as Erza's hair and a very interesting half choked squawk from Dimaria that I didn't comment on as Erza and I chorused, "Of course not!" Then we glanced at each other and back away, our blushes intensifying.

I swear I think Gajeel's grin was about to split his head in two, "Ahhh…finished too quick?"

"NO!" Erza and I chorused again.

"So you had fun then?" he asked Erza.

"Nothing happened!" She protested.

"Ahhh so you fell out of bed and were too embarrassed to finish?"

"NO!"

Finally Levy came to the rescue, "Gajeel, just because all of the above and then some happened to us last night doesn't mean it happened to anyone else. Now stop teasing them and we'll have some more fun later."

Gajeel looked like a chalk statue with his face a caricature of shock and horror as Natsu and Lucy doubled up laughing. Dimaria and Happy looked utterly _floored _and I could hear Erza snickering along with me.

We were able to piece together from what the Council told us that Mystogan had taken over Jellal's alias Siegrain and was as such now considered a Wizard Saint. They thanked us for our actions and congratulated us on our victory. We thought about hopping on my Card Car, but as I took my cards out to form it, I paused, "Nah. You know what? Too slow." I slipped my cards back up my sleeve and snapped my fingers. A portal popped open on the street leading to the Guild Hall. I gestured with a smile, "Shall we?"

"Why didn't you just do this to get us here once we hit Hargeon?" Dimaria asked curiously as we stepped through into Magnolia, "I mean clearly you didn't from Minstrel because of the distance, but if you can jump us this far, why not use it as soon as we got back into the country?"

I looked at her in surprise and everyone else looked at me in surprise. It occurred to me that we could've dodged the whole Tower incident if we _had _just teleported. It also occurred to me that Jellal would've just ambushed us later at a date when we would probably be in a lot worse shape to deal with him if the previous night's events hadn't happened then. "I like flying! I'm just kind of impatient to be home right now. Speaking of," I added with a grin as I headed for the corner that would bring the Guild Hall into view, "I hope you're ready! Welcome to-_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE GUILD HALL?!"_

I could've teleported, I could've flown. Instead I took off at a dead run as panic filled my mind too much for either of those non reflexive actions to occur, "_SHITSHITSHIT!"_

It wasn't until I all but flew over the top of the steps that I saw that whatever had happened hadn't happened recently. The building was already well on its way to being rebuilt. Cana laughed at me from where she was sitting on a pile of lumber with a bottle in her hand, "Welcome back Handsome!" Cue Gildarts looming over me and giving me a death glare that earned a look of confusion from me as Cana just laughed even harder.

"Quit glarin' at me unless this is somehow my fault!" I snapped, "And given that I didn't leave anything here which should've gone _boom, _I feel pretty sure it wasn't me this time! So what the hell happened to the Guild Hall?"

Gildarts actually stopped looming to look at me in surprise, "Nobody's told you yet?"

"Told me what?!" I demanded.

"Mira lost her temper for the first time in years," Cana declared dryly before taking another drink as I whipped around to look at her, "Turns out she's just as strong as she ever was. Did all that…" she tilted her head towards the halfway rebuilt Guild Hall, "In _one shot. _Dunno what Laxus said to piss her off that much, but she pretty much hasn't come out of her room in six weeks and we _still_ haven't figured out where she blasted Laxus off to, or if he's even alive. Mira's okay, she lets me in to talk to her and I've been by to check on her every day," she added, "She's just really torn up about it. You should really be ashamed of yourself, making me run like this to keep up a conversation while I'm drinking. I'll let it go this time though because it's actually really sweet that you're so concerned about her."

I had made it up to 'hasn't come out of her room in six weeks' before I took off like a shot from a gun, Erza quickly falling in step behind me as Cana easily loped along beside me. We reached Mira and Elfman's house right as Elfman was coming out the front door. I teleported past him because I could hear Mira's mental signature upstairs, "Hi Elfman! 'Scuse me Elfman! Sorry Elfman!"

I bounded up the stairs three at a time, tripped on the twelfth step and scrabbled my way up the remaining three before scrambling back to my feet and shooting down the hallway to Mira's room. I took a second to catch my breath and just as I was raising my hand to knock, Mira opened the door.

She looked at me in surprise and I could tell that Cana had been right. Mira's hair was down and highly disheveled, not in the glorious way a romp would make it either. Her cheeks and eyes were red and puffy from crying, her scent was decidedly off in a 'haven't fooled with personal hygiene in a while' way, and her pajamas were beyond rumpled and dirty. "Jerry?!"

I immediately hugged her and got a surprised noise, "J-Jerry, why are you here?! I thought you were going to be gone for months!" That didn't change the fact that she was immediately hanging onto me like a lifeline though.

I held her a little tighter, "Finished the quest, we're all back. Heard you were upset as soon as I got to the Guild Hall and came over as fast as I could. Would've been here a hell of a lot sooner if I'd known."

On came the waterworks. I held onto her and stroked her hair as I tried to console her and it was approximately as horrible as the feeling I'd gotten when I realized who Erza was. A different brand of horrible, but just as bad nonetheless. There is something inherently _wrong _about Mira being sad, and this was not mere 'sad', this was heartbroken, gut wrenching, body wracking _sobs_.

There was also a very small little chunk of my mind formulating a plan to beat down Laxus just as hard as I had Jellal for making Mira cry, but that's beside the point.

I stood there with Mira for what seemed like forever and then when Mira's bawling had faded to sniffling, Erza and Cana stepped up. "Mira," Erza didn't seem to know what to say, but the hand on her shoulder and concern was enough to make Mira reach out and tug Erza and then Cana as well into the hug. A little bit of quiet coaxing later they convinced Mira to let them help her get a shower, and I went with Elfman to help fix something to eat.

"I hate to see her cry, but I think she's been holding that in since it happened," Elfman told me quietly as we started fixing the food. My gut (possibly my magic) was telling me that Mira needed breakfast, so breakfast it was. Elfman was fixing waffles and I was on bacon and omelets.

"Any idea what happened?" I asked, not taking my eyes off my work and trying hard to quell the murderous impulses screaming for me to go hunt Laxus down.

"Not a clue," Elfman replied, "The first thing anybody knew about it was Mira's magic activating full power right before the Guild Hall exploded. Nobody's seen or heard from Laxus since, and all we really know is what Cana's been able to coax out of her. Master says she told him what happened and he won't punish her for demolishing the Guild Hall, but he won't tell anyone what it was."

"Which is?"

"Entirely Laxus's fault," Elfman declared, "Apparently Mira cornered him in the basement to get some closure on their former relationship. She won't tell anyone what he said, but it was bad enough that she went full Satan Soul and cut loose an attack that would've vaporized most people if they got caught in it. Soul Extinction is one of her biggest attacks, and that's definitely what that was. I've seen her take out monsters strong enough to level entire towns in one shot with that spell. Laxus is pretty absurdly tough, but there's no way that didn't do a number on him. Judging by the fact that he hasn't made it back yet, I'd say he's either smart enough to not dare show his face around here, or she hit him with it point blank and he's probably still too injured to even think about crawling back."

"If Mira gives me even the _slightest _go ahead, he's going to wish that attack had killed him," I growled darkly.

Elfman looked at me in shock, "Wait, you're seriously thinking about taking on _Laxus?_"

"I don't care if he's stronger than _Master Precht,_" I snarled as I smashed a particularly crinkly piece of bacon back flat with my telekinesis, "Making Mira cry even _once_ is unacceptable. This makes _two_, which is two more reasons than I need to be out for _blood_. If it weren't for the fact that bringing it up would probably make Mira even more upset, and that I'd much rather be here trying to make her happy again, I'd already be hunting him down to rip him into as many teeny tiny pieces as I can, _and SCREW fighting fair,_" I growled, "I never want to see Mira hurting like this ever again. If I ever fight that fucker I'm going _straight _for the kill."

"As glad as I am that Mira has such a devoted lover," Master drawled from behind me where he was perched on the table, "_Don't."_

My head snapped around, _when did he get here?! _"Kaaay…_why?"_

"Number one he's my grandson, so idiot who _thoroughly_ deserves a pummeling though he may be, I still don't ever want to see him dead," Master declared, "And number _two_, he's also a member of this guild, which means killing him or even an earnest attempt would get you kicked out, and that would make Mira just as upset as she is now."

"Still a valid existence to people I care about, fine, I won't kill him," I grumbled as I turned back to my cooking, "Still angry."

"And rightly so," Master agreed, "But violence is not the answer. Even if it were, it'd be Mira's place to issue it, and she's already done so quite thoroughly. As Elfman pointed out, Laxus is most likely still feeling the results of his brash words quite clearly even now. Mira did indeed blast him point blank and he has numerous broken bones, his entire front was one massive bruise with blood leaking out of pretty much everywhere, and his back was thoroughly shredded by the blast driving him through the floor, three walls and part of the roof. His landing over ten miles away wasn't anything like soft either. Even though he'll make a full recovery, Mira's attack came _extremely _close to killing him. I'm not sure she realizes just _how _close," he added before explaining, "I sent his closest friends, the Thunder Legion, to make sure he wasn't dead which is how I know how he's doing, and they are under strict orders to keep him away from the Guild Hall until at least the Harvest Festival two weeks from now, at which point I hope everyone will be calmed down. _Especially the people who weren't even here at the time,_" he added sharply.

I grimaced and made some noncommittal noises before growling, "Fine, I'll calm down." I smiled thinly, "Hearing that Mira gave him an ass kicking on the scale I would have actually helps a lot."

"Speaking of ass kickings," Master mused as he tried to change the subject, "How'd things go last night with that Jellal guy? Mystogan's already reported about the battle at Era, but he didn't know anything about what happened with all of you."

"I beat him as hard as I could until I couldn't beat him anymore, and the only reason I didn't splatter his skull like an egg is because Erza stopped me at the last second," I told him quietly as I flipped an omelet, "I ripped out all his knowledge of magic and probably gave him some rather extensive brain damage since I drained him so hard he went into Magic Deficiency Syndrome for the majority of his beating. Even if he wasn't likely to spend the rest of his life in prison, I doubt he'd ever be able to lead a normal life again. I'm honestly surprised he's still alive," I mused, "that was _definitely _not my intention when I started. If Erza hadn't been there, there wouldn't even have been a body left."

"I wasn't aware you could drain magic from a person while it was still in them," Master noted.

"I can't," I admitted, "He was trying so hard to get away that he burned through nearly all of his magic trying to break free of my draining abilities."

"What did he do?" Elfman asked curiously before clarifying, "I haven't heard anything about it yet."

"Jerry's counterpart from Earthland was a very dear childhood friend of mine prior to going insane and blackmailing me for years with the lives of my friends on the line to keep quiet about his evil plan," Erza declared, prompting me to whip around to see her wearing a white blouse, her blue skirt and a towel as she dried her hair, "Needless to say, Jerry took a rather exceptional degree of offense to him trying to use me as a sacrifice to revive Zeref and proceeded to beat him to within a hair's breadth of killing him."

"Counterpart? So what, you mean like Jerry's got an evil twin or something?" Elfman asked curiously.

"Triplets," I declared as I set the freshly finished omelet on a plate with the others, "Mystogan's the third one."

Elfman and Erza both looked at me in shock and Master nodded, "Do you know if he's going to stop putting sleep spells on everybody now that he's not going to be confused for his evil twin?"

"He's taken over Jellal's alias Siegrain and his title as a Wizard Saint, so I expect he'll be a little bit less reluctant to show his face," I replied, "Doesn't change the fact that he's actually pretty shy. Jellal was me but completely insane, Mystogan's me but almost cripplingly shy. Or, I suppose I'm Mystogan but foul tempered and not a Holder Mage."

"But, you have a _great _temper," Mira noted as she came into the kitchen with Cana.

"I have a great temper around _you _because I don't want you to see me as a raging asshole," I declared, "My temper's gotten the better of me and reduced me to a screaming raging _nut_, hell bent on beating the shit out of somebody at least twice in the last month and a half. Was almost three times this morning," I added.

"And those times were?" Cana asked as she and Erza sat down at the table.

"When the team got our asses handed to us and scattered across the desert, when Jellal hit me in the face with the Abyss Break and kidnapped the whole team except for me, really sorry about yelling at you last night by the way," I added to Master, "and this morning when I found out someone made you cry," I finished as I set a plate down in front of Mira and gave her a kiss on the cheek that got me a small soft smile that made me want to hold her close and kiss her and tell her exactly how much I love her. Unfortunately, I still had to put down the other plates and Mira needed to eat, so my desire for Mira cuddles would have to wait.

"Sooo basically you only get angry when people you care about are in danger or hurt, or when somebody messes with your girlfriend," Cana mused as I set down her plate, "Cause the only other time I've ever seen you _mad_ is that one time Gray iced you from behind, and even then you were just joining in an ongoing brawl."

I paused, "Well when you put it like _that_…"

"Honestly I'd be more worried if that _wasn't _your reaction in those situations," Master mused as he picked up his knife and fork and started eating, "It's perfectly normal to be furious when your loved ones are threatened. And don't worry about last night, I understand entirely."

I set the last plate down in front of Elfman and then realized, "Did I forget one?" I looked around and realized, "Forgot to make one for myself. Making one for myself!" I declared as I whirled and resumed cooking.

Everyone ate quietly for a moment and then Master asked, "So, how'd the quest go, aside from the obvious success?"

Erza and I spent the next hour trying to recount as much as we could of the journey. After we were done Mira looked across the table at me, "So you _did _have a girlfriend before me? I thought you said I was your first everything!"

I gulped down what was left of the bite in my mouth, "My memory of Mordred was completely suppressed by His Majesty's memory block, as far as I knew up until I broke through the block, it never happened, and it was something I couldn't even conceive of happening let alone _forgetting_. Yes though, I did technically tell you an untruth, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. On the upside though," I added with a grin, "Along with those memories came my memory of everything I'd forgotten about how to be good in the sack, so I'm looking forward to brushing the dust off some old tricks with you at the very first opportunity."

Mira blushed and leaned against me, smiling a little shyly, "Well ah…since I'm definitely not getting back together with Laxus…you remember that thing I wanted to do that made him dump me?"

_Threesome with Erza or Cana? _I asked her telepathically.

_And Erza says you and her have got some insane chemistry…_ Mira added as she grinned up at me mischievously before glancing over at Erza who suddenly blushed as red as her hair. It didn't take a genius to guess that she'd figured out what Mira was suggesting.

Master and Elfman were looking at us in confusion and curiosity, neither of them had noticed Erza's utterly crimson blush. Cana on the other hand _noticed._ She looked at Erza, looked at us, back at Erza and then she gave me and Mira a very flat look, "If you two are about to have a threesome with Erza then you had better not even _think_ about leaving me out of it."

Mira and I both blushed just as red as Erza while Master and Elfman's jaws hit the table. "CANA!" Erza protested, "T-that's ridiculous! They weren't thinking that! T-tell them you two!"

Mira smiled slightly as her blush receded, "Um…actually… yeah I kinda was, if you're up for it. Of course you're very welcome to join too Cana."

Master, Elfman and _especially _Erza looked like their brains had broken. Cana for her part just started cracking up and waved her hands at Elfman and Master, "Alright you two! Shoo shoo! It's party time!" she added before leaning over to give Mira an _extremely_ hot tongue kiss.

Erza stood up immediately, her blush back in full force, "Okay, time to go! Glad to see you're feeling better Mira, ah, we'll just be going now." Mira shot her a thumbs up without breaking off her lip lock with Cana, "Um…have fun!" She immediately grabbed Master and hauled Elfman along by the back of his shirt as she quickly headed for the door. Elfman looked like he might be going into shock, and Master just acted very blasé about the whole thing. Even as Erza grabbed him up and carried him off, he caught his plate, fork and glass of juice to take along with him, acting like he'd seen it all before to the point where it held no interest to him (except for the fact that the kooky old perv's eyes were the size of saucers and locked on Mira and Cana until he was all the way out the door, not that I can blame him).

When she heard the front door slam behind them, Cana came up for air and looked up at me with a grin, "I am _very _sober right now." A quick telepathic check revealed that yes indeed she was, and so I returned the ensuing kiss with much enthusiasm.

...

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Thirty Minutes Later

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"_Wow_ you two are intense," Cana panted as she rolled off Mira to land on me instead since I had just laid down next to her. The feel of her bare bottom coming to rest on my equally bare lap elicited the natural reaction despite how hard we'd all just finished. Cana immediately sat up and rubbed experimentally, "What the hell even are you?! How are you ready to go again already?!"

I tugged Mira over to me with my right arm and she happily snuggled into my side as I grinned, "Quite probably the happiest man in the world right now."

Cana blinked at me and then smiled, "Geez you two are mushy, alright, lemme see if I can't make you a little happier then, Mr. Happiest man in the world." She turned around and in about three minutes of bouncing glorious heaven slammed her hips to mine a final time and let out a low heart pounding moan as she finished, sending me over the edge as well in the process.

She didn't quite _fall _forward, but that one had clearly rattled most of the strength out of her if the way she flopped on my chest panting was any indication. I took this particular moment to try to focus on the ceiling and not on the unbelievably gorgeous women I had just made love to. _They're tired, they're exhausted, do not think about it. Do not think about it. DO. NOT. THINK. ABOUT. THE BOOBS. Oh god boobs…such great boobs…Cana's…Mira's…both of them! At the same ti…NONONO! Bad Jerry! BAD!_

"Holy crap it's going up again…" Cana mused in a slightly drunk tone before giggling, "Miraaa…how are you not pregnant yet dating this…_machine?_ _God…"_ She put her hands on my chest and pushed herself upright, giving me the most excited and pleased smile and for just an instant in the low light looked just like Mordred and…

"Oh god…" _BOOM._

When I came to a minute later, Mira and Cana were both looking at me in surprise. I couldn't catch my breath, my heart was hammering and honestly my dick hurt a little from that one. As soon as they were sure I was awake, Mira started circling her fingernail over my heart, "So…Mordred huh?"

I went a bit pale, _Oh shit, did I say that out loud? _"Um…yeah. That look Cana just gave me was the exact same one Mo-chan used to."

"Must've been one hell of a look," Cana mused, "That was _definitely _the hardest orgasm you've had today."

"It _was_ hot," Mira clarified before looking at me, "Although I'm a little bit concerned over you going off like that groaning the name of a girl who's not even here."

I grimaced, "One thing ya gotta understand, Mordred's a _ghost._" That got a pair of raised eyebrows so I smiled and pushed myself a little more upright, "That's right, I still haven't told you what all was behind that memory block have I?" So I spent the next hour or so explaining the Holy Grail War and what all had happened in it.

Cana and Mira were much better listeners than the team had been. They only interrupted once to ask if I had pictures (I did) and when I was done, they asked if there was any way I could summon Mordred again.

I blinked at the question, "I…don't think so. I mean, there _might _be a way, but it would be extremely difficult. If I ever get back home and can observe the Grail's systems, then I might be able to replicate and modify it, allowing it to generate permanent, independent manifestations rather than temporary contracted servants. The sky high amounts of ethernano here would make powering it a breeze, but I'd have to go home for that and I might not be able to come back if I do. Besides, that would make it basically a perfected R-System, which I'm pretty sure would _not _go over well."

"Well that's completely out of the question then. Do you think she'd like us?" Mira asked curiously.

"Like you?" I laughed, "She'd be in this bed with us right now wearing all three of us out! I'm an insatiable horndog yeah, but I've got absolutely _nothing _on Mordred's stamina. She could probably finish off three of me one after the other and _still_ be ready for another round! If we hadn't had other pressing issues like the War, I don't think she would've let me out of the bed for the entire three weeks we were together."

Cana sighed and ran a hand through her hair, incidentally giving us a great view, "Speaking of being together, since you two clearly are back together now, should…we talk about where I fit in? 'Cause, this has been…_fun, _and I'd kinda like to do it more often. Should we…I dunno, set up some kind of rules or something or…?"

"Nope," I replied immediately, "Rules are made to be broken and creating some sort of system is simply asking for it to break down." I smiled, "It's very simple." I kissed Mira, "I love you…" I pushed us both upright with my telekinesis so I could kiss Cana, "And I'm well on my way to loving you if that's what you want. And you two are best friends right?"

Mira smiled at me a little crookedly, "So basically you think we should just proceed with a relationship the same way we did with sex?"

I nodded and Cana grinned, "So I can jump either of your bones whenever huh?"

"And we'll return the favor sometimes," Mira added as she drew Cana into a kiss that made her shiver in my lap. Given that I hadn't pulled out yet…

Cana's eyes went wide and she looked at me in surprise, "_Again?"_

I grinned crookedly, "It _has _been an hour…"

Cana stared for a second and then huffed lightly with a grin, "Hey Mira, you don't mind if I get pregnant right? I have a feeling he's gonna knock us both up before too long."

Mira shrugged with a small smile, "Eh. Goes with the territory. I'm sure Mr. Billionaire here can handle it." It registered briefly with me that she knew about our insane haul from Mattachu and then she completely derailed that train of thought by pressing against me with a grin, "How many kids did that pharaoh have again? Over a hundred? I don't think I can stand having _that _many by myself."

Cana grinned and started to gyrate her hips eeever so tantalizingly slowly, "A hundred? We need to get Erza in on this sooner rather than later then. She's a billionaire too now, right?"

A sudden terror briefly overrode the building pleasure as it occurred to me that I might be in bed with two gold diggers looking for lockdown babies. I didn't want to even consider the possibility. Mira wasn't like that… Cana wasn't like that…They _couldn't _be like that… I knew the instant the possibility occurred to me that it would absolutely _destroy _me. Losing Erica had been awful, it had come within an inch of killing me no matter whether I'd ever admit those instances of considering those knives so enticing an alternative to dealing with the guilt or not. Losing Mira? And now Cana as well? _Especially _like that? I'd be nothing but a husk, a shambling corpse a thousand times worse than I was between Erica's death and meeting His Majesty! If losing Enkidu had almost killed _Gilgamesh_, and he openly admitted it had, then I knew that if I lost Mira and Cana to something like _that?_ Forget killing me, there wouldn't be enough _left of me_ to kill.

Suddenly acutely aware that it might as well be my very soul on the line (I knew Lancelot's story _entirely _too well), there was only one thing to do.

"Mira, Cana, I'm sorry, _I gotta look._" They both looked very surprised and then very _offended_ as I jumped into their minds one after the other without a single further word of warning to determine their intentions.

To my overwhelming relief and delight, neither of them had the slightest intention of that sort. They were…actually doing this because they _liked me_. They legitimately thought that highly of me! They thought I was good husband material! Good _dad _potential! Mira thought I'd make adorable babies! They'd both thought that even before I was obscenely wealthy! The compliment inherent in all that was praise higher than anything I could've ever hoped for, and I immediately felt like an absolute _heel _for doubting them for even a second.

I'm not gonna lie, it brought tears to my eyes. I grabbed them both into a hug, "_Oh my god I am so sorry!_ I should never have doubted you! So sorry so sorry so sorry…"

It took them a second and then Cana demanded, "Wait a minute, did you think we were doing this just for the _money?"_

I looked her right in the eye and downloaded a few statistics and a bit of mainstream 'culture' (I use that term in the loosest sense with the maximum degree of contempt) from home into her and Mira's heads that explained _exactly _why I had been worried.

They both looked at me in shock and horror, and Mira found her voice first, "A _forty percent divorce rate?_"

"Your world. Is messed. _UP."_ Cana declared firmly. I nodded silently and hung my head, still very ashamed that I had doubted them. Then Cana lifted my chin, looked me in the eye and smiled at me more than a little seductively, "So it's a good thing you're not there anymore, right?"

Mira whispered in my ear, "You're here, and you're _ours._" DINGDINGDING AND WE'RE OFF!

Our earlier lovemaking _thoroughly_ paled in comparison to the intensity of what followed that absolute affirmation of trust and affection. There was absolutely _nothing _that either of them could've said or done to wrap my heart more firmly around their fingers. I vaguely wonder if they knew that at the time, but at the same time, I really don't care because I know now that they'd never use our relationship to hurt me.

I am the luckiest man I knew right then to be an absolute _FACT, _and nobody is ever going to dissuade me of that fact_._ I was even sure that I had not somehow died and gone to Heaven because I now knew that Mordred would've been there waiting for me if I had. Which also brought to mind the definite need to find a way to get her back, somehow. _Not just Mo-chan,_ I added to myself that night as I lay awake in bed with my two angels on either side of my chest, _Everybody._

_._

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**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

**_..._**

_Cana sputtered for a moment in surprise and then as Gildarts let go and was about to run away, she grabbed him and hugged him back, "Come back safe okay?"_

_Gildarts hugged her and it was a very sweet moment._

_ Said sweet moment was interrupted by a sound like a thunderclap swiftly followed by Gray's naked butt flying through the air and only missing the two of them because I threw up an Archive screen in between them and him. Gray slumped to the ground and I realized he had a bloody nose and looked like he'd stuck his finger in an electrical outlet. Then his balled up pants collided with his face. _

_"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU PERVERT!" Dimaria roared across the construction site._


	43. Ch38: Party

**AN: _As always before we get started, Reviewer Replies! :D_**

**_Raidentensho:_**_ No he won't be using 'light make' as that is basically just using telekinesis to make his illusions seem solid. It would be a waste of power, so he won't do it. Also no, there are currently no plans for anything to be under the mountain._

**_Eluvian Camaris:_**_ Ah the sweet imagined sound of laughter. I'm certainly glad you got a lol out of it, and I'm truly delighted that you enjoyed The Road to Mattachu arc. That's been by far the hardest part of this story to write since it was entirely new stuff, so it's very nice to hear that it was well received. Eventually, far far into the future, yes, his ethernano absorption rate will go up, but it will still be a lot lower than anyone from Earthland, so he'll still regularly chow down on ambient light to speed up the process. Also yes, Decomposition will see further use. It'll never be his go-to magic, but I guarantee it's going to play a critical role in at least one major event down the road._

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_ As always, glad you're enjoying! Yes funnily enough the fluff scenes are often also the easiest to write! Here's the next chapter! :D_

**_Condescension:_**_ I'm glad you enjoyed. Yes Azuma was about that surprised by Mystogan's magic._

**_NightBlood5404:_**_ I don't think anyone deserves that kind of childhood. Whether or not Jerry will get the chance to save Minerva remains to be seen, but don't doubt for a second that he would if given the opportunity. Child abuse is his absolute number one berserk button, tied with messing with his loved ones. So yeah, abandoning a little kid in the forest butt naked after beating the crap out of them is pretty much complete and utter suicide if Jerry catches wind of it. Even immortality wouldn't be enough to save someone who did that, it would just be a means for him to ensure that his disposal of them really REALLY hurt, because to quote Jafar, 'You'd be amazed what you can live through...'._

_**And now, on with the show! :D**_

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**Chapter 38: Party**

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==The Next Day==

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In retrospect, I almost regret not sticking around to introduce Dimaria to everybody when we got back, but comforting Mira took priority. Besides, between Natsu, Lucy, Gajeel and Levy, she was fitting right in by the time Mira, Cana and I reached the being quickly rebuilt Guild Hall the next day, and there were still a few people she hadn't met yet.

I didn't spot her right away. Gildarts seemed to teleport over to **_LOOM_** at me, his magic power manifesting in a foot thick aura of blinding white around him that obscured his form to nothing but a red eyed silhouette. I also noticed his magic was steadily and _rapidly_ reducing the ground beneath him to powder. I looked him right in the eye and downloaded knowledge of the sincerity and magnitude of my affection for Cana and Mira straight into his head. He snuffed out the disintegrator aura but still grumbled, "Alright, fine. You can go ahead for now, but if you ever make my baby girl cry…"

"Then you have my full permission to **stomp me** while I'm down and reduce me to a smear on the ground, because if I ever lose her _or_ Mira then I'm going to have one foot in the grave anyway," I replied flatly. I got a kiss on the cheek for that before Mira headed across to the bar.

Gildarts opened his mouth to say something, closed it back and decided he was ok with that answer. Cana had let me in on it the night before that she had been periodically talking me up to Gildarts while my team was in Minstrel and getting him used to the idea of me dating her. He'd given his consent but held firm on his right to be an overprotective dad. I didn't begrudge him that in the least, Cana was very much worth protecting and even _over_ protecting.

Gildarts regarded me with a critical eye for a moment anyway, then he told me, "Well don't make me a grandfather too soon. I'm not old enough for grandkids yet."

"Do you want my kids to call grandpa, pawpaw or old bones?" Cana asked teasingly.

Gildarts didn't have an answer for that one right away and Cana grinned as she smacked him on the shoulder, "Relax, Mira'll have kids _way_ before I do. I'd have to stop drinking for nine months, and I think you understand the likelihood of that."

Gildarts's eyes bugged out for a second and then, "Oh come on! I didn't say I _never _wanted grandkids!"

Cana smirked, "You'll get 'em, just not soon. Now since you brought it up, shouldn't you be running around all over the countryside making sure you don't already _have _grandkids?"

Gildarts blinked, blinked a few more times as that processed, and then his face went ghostly pale. Cana looked at him and then laughed, "Oh my god Dad, don't tell me that's just now occurring to you!"

Gildarts wrapped her in a hug, "I love you sweetie gotta go! I promise I'll be back sooner this time!"

Cana sputtered for a moment in surprise and then as Gildarts let go and was about to run away, she grabbed him and hugged him back, "Come back safe okay?"

Gildarts hugged her and it was a very sweet moment.

Said sweet moment was interrupted by a sound like a thunderclap swiftly followed by Gray's naked butt flying through the air and only missing the two of them because I threw up an Archive screen in between them and him. Gray slumped to the ground and I realized he had a bloody nose and looked like he'd been hit with a taser. Then his balled up pants collided with his face.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU PERVERT!" Dimaria roared across the construction site before turning back to her breakfast.

I sniggered and grinned down at him, "I see you've met Dimaria!"

"She hits like _Laxus!_" Gray declared as he pulled his pants back on, "Where the hell did you find her?"

"Ancient city in the middle of the desert," I replied with a smile, "I'm surprised you haven't heard about it yet."

"Just got back from a job last night," Gray told me as he got up, "Oh, by the way we got Juvia moved into the second floor apartment on the right at your place, Gajeel's on the bottom left. Master said you probably hadn't even been by yet."

"He hasn't," Cana declared with a smile as she stepped past me, "Mira and I kept him busy all night."

Gray's eyes grew to the size of saucers and then he looked at me, "Dude, _what is your secret?_"

"Complete and utter forthright honesty," I replied with a smile, "If I say something, I mean it, and I don't beat around the bush. Beyond that, _unbelievable_ luck."

"Honesty huh?"

I nodded, "Yep, and insane amounts of luck. Don't know what to tell you beyond that, you'd have to ask Mira or Cana."

"So how'd the job go? I know nobody was expecting you guys back that quick," Gray declared as he pulled his pants back on. A shirt dropped onto his head a moment later and he pulled it off to look at it in surprise. Then he called to Dimaria, "Where was it?!"

"Chair by the bar!" Dimaria called back before noticing me. Her face lit up and she waved at me, "Hi Jerry! I found a pervert!"

I grinned, "Come on, I'll introduce ya." We made our way across the barroom floor, obviously the first part of the Guild Hall that had been rebuilt and I noticed that there were now floor drains periodically spaced across the bar. The second floor had been poured and the roof was under construction, so the walls had mostly only been framed in. Some of the original Guild Hall had evidently survived Mira's fury. The kitchen and store rooms in the back were all still standing apparently completely untouched and a small temporary roof had been built over them while the rest of the ground and second floor were rebuilt. The bar was also standing, now it was an outside bar though.

Master was sitting on the bar when we made it over there and he raised an eyebrow at me, "Did you sleep well?"

I smiled, "Amazingly well if not very much."

Master took a drink, "Well, if Gildarts didn't pulverize you then I suppose I don't need to worry about you being in a three way relationship with those two."

Dimaria's head whipped around and I smiled at the question inherent in her startled gaze, "Mira's best friend is apparently also now her girlfriend, and mine as well. I'm sure you'll be quite welcome as well if you'd like to join us sometime." Dimaria's mouth worked mutely for a moment as she tried to process that and I grinned as I leaned back to give her a view of Gray, "In the meantime though, allow me to introduce you to our guild's resident streaker and ice wizard extraordinaire, good buddy of mine, Gray Fullbuster."

"Streaker?" Dimaria asked in a slightly concerned voice.

"His training involved stripping naked and learning his magic in the snow so that he could become one with the cold," I explained, "He claims he's been randomly losing his clothes ever since."

Dimaria raised an eyebrow, "Do all ice wizards do that?"

"Don't let them lie and say they don't," Gray told her with a nod, "It was part of the training and I'm certain they do it too."

"Even the girls?" Dimaria asked in concern.

Gray nodded, "The wizard who taught me everything I know is a woman."

"Does that mean Lucy's going to start stripping in public all the time now that she's a Snow Dragon Slayer?" Dimaria asked, the source of her concern now clear.

I don't think hitting Gray with a taser would've made him jump that much. He almost fell off his barstool, "LUCY'S A WHAT NOW?!"

"Lucy lost her spirit keys on the mission. She's still very upset about it, _DON'T _bring it up," I told him quickly and quietly.

Gray looked at me in horror, "Oh shit…what happened?"

I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him over a little closer, "We met a couple of dark wizards, didn't _know_ they were wizards, let alone infamous dark wizards, traveled with 'em majority of the quest. They saved Erza's bacon and helped us out at the final showdown, found out after they teleported away that one of 'em stole Lucy's keys while she was out cold and injured," I explained in a low voice, "Found out from _my_ spirits that the wizard in question's notorious for killing Celestial Spirit mages. Said wizard also saved Lucy's life and Dimaria's too, and the other one was the doctor that made sure they'd live long enough for the million to one gamble to save them. Now they're both Dragon Slayers. Lucy's snow and Dimaria's storm."

"Well that explains why she hits like Laxus," Gray muttered before pulling back and continuing in a normal voice, "Well even if I can't do anything else about it, now I know that I definitely need to invite Lucy to Master Ur's Ice-Make lessons."

"Ice-Make _lessons?_" I asked with interest.

"Juvia now knows exactly why Gray is a pervert," Juvia declared as she sat down on the stool next to him with a small smile, "But Gray is also a very good tutor, so Juvia will forgive him." Then she directed her smile past him at me, Dimaria and Master, "Good morning everyone. Welcome back Jerry! Juvia's all moved in and has her first month's rent ready whenever you want it."

Juvia's gotten a hair cut and now had a short bob cut that looked very good on her, and she'd traded out her dark blue overcoat and hat for a white and blue dress with a matching hat. If Julie hadn't once sported a similar look in high school, there's a strong chance I wouldn't even have recognized Juvia had she not spoken.

I blinked a few times and then remembered that Juvia now had the upstairs apartment on the right and grinned, "Oh yeah! Forgot about that. Don't worry about rent, were you here when we called in to report yesterday afternoon?"

Juvia tilted her head, "No, Gray and I didn't get back from Mt. Ivor until last night. Did something happen?"

I grinned, "Well first of all, allow me to introduce our newest member, Dimaria Yesta the Storm Dragon Slayer."

Juvia nodded with a smile, "It's very nice to meet you Dimaria. I'm Juvia Lockser. If your magic is Storm based then we should definitely swap pointers sometime since I'm a Rain Woman."

"Rain Woman?" Dimaria asked curiously.

Juvia nodded, "My emotions directly affect the weather. When I'm happy, the weather's fine, but if I'm sad then it rains and if I'm angry then storms pop up. I've recently come off a years long streak of depression where I made it rain all the time and then nobody wanted to be around me because of it which just made me sadder and the sadder I was the more it rained. That's why I'm called the Rain Woman."

Dimaria's eyes lit up, "That's so cool! Terrible about the depression," she clarified, "_but still really cool!_ Can you do it without the emotional triggers?"

Juvia nodded, "It's a little bit more difficult but…" her face suddenly lit up, "Mira! You're back!"

Mira nodded as she stepped up behind the bar with a smile, "Nothing like some good loving to fix a bit of heartbreak. Can I get you anything?"

Dimaria looked at Mira in surprise and then back at me. She glanced at Mira again and then asked me, "So, that's your girlfriend you were telling me about?"

I nodded with a smile, "I certainly don't deserve her, but yes, by some miracle she is. Mira, let me introduce you to Dimaria. She's a Storm Dragon Slayer."

Mira looked at Dimaria with interest and then furrowed her brows slightly, "Jerry, is this…"

I smiled, "No, Mordred's eyes were green. Dimaria's got a lot in common with her though." Four sets of eyes were suddenly switching back and forth from me to Mira and back in confusion as Dimaria, Master, Gray and Juvia visibly puzzled over who Mira and I were talking about.

Mira nodded, "Ah, Lucy's sister then?"

Dimaria jerked in surprise, "Huh?!"

"You look just like her aside from the hairstyle," Mira noted, "I guess you're not then?"

"Um, no," Dimaria replied as she blushed a little, "I'm Dimaria Yesta, last survivor of the city of Mildian."

Mira, Gray, Juvia and Master all four froze. Dimaria seemed to shrink in on herself a little nervously, "Um, did I say something wrong?"

"You didn't tell me you were from Mildian," Master noted as he recovered his composure, "I suppose it shouldn't come as much of a surprise given that we just found out the City of Gold is real, but I'd heard Mildian was wiped out completely by Zeref centuries ago. Many believe it to be just a legend." Gray and Juvia's heads snapped up in surprise at that.

Dimaria's expression darkened a little and she glanced down at her plate, "Yes, all except for a few of my ancestors were killed in Zeref's first rampage. My parents and I were the very last ones, and… now it's just me," she added quietly. Everyone was quiet for a moment as the somber truth of that statement sunk in.

Then Mira suddenly hopped over the bar with ease that even I didn't realize she was capable of and pulled Dimaria into a hug. Dimaria looked utterly stunned and then Mira told her quietly, "No. You're one of us now, you're never going to be alone again."

Dimaria took a few seconds to register that and then suddenly she absolutely _broke._ It caught me completely off guard, but I immediately stepped over and joined the hug, with Gray right behind me and Master extending his arm with magic to lay a hand on her shoulder. Juvia slid over as a small flow of water and rematerialized to hug Mari's fourth side.

I gently glowed out a wave of Sense of Security and Mari only hugged tighter as her sobs intensified. Gray, Mira and Master looked on sympathetically as Mira tried to console her, and it suddenly dawned on me how many orphans there really were in Fairy Tail. This was almost certainly far from the first time they'd welcomed someone who'd had no family into ours.

About the time Mari calmed down from bawling to quietly hanging on while the last few tears trickled down her face Lucy asked from right next to us, "Why don't I get a group hug?"

Without even looking Mira and I reached out and tugged her into the middle next to Dimaria and I suddenly felt three more bodies pile on, including one who took the opportunity to cop a feel of my ass. I looked up and around and saw that it was not _three _bodies, it was _seven_. Erza, Cana, Natsu, Levy, Gajeel, Jet and Droy had all joined in the hug. Gajeel was the only one who surprised me. Levy is very naturally a hugger and Jet and Droy will follow her anywhere. Cana was the one with her hand on my ass. She just winked at me with a cheeky grin.

"While I am always up for a group hug, may I ask the occasion?" Erza asked.

"We're welcoming Dimaria to the family," Master explained.

Natsu's head suddenly popped up from the other side of Lucy, "Wait a minute, we haven't thrown Dimaria a welcome party yet?"

The whole group froze and then Master jumped up on the bar, "EVERYONE! WE FORGOT TO THROW OUR NEWEST MEMBER A WELCOME PARTY!" He thrust his fist into the air and yelled, "PAAARTYYY!"

"PAAAARTYYY!"

"Oh boy, here we go…" Mira groaned quietly, "Okay, watch out everybody. Head cook, coming through!" Mira quickly waded back out of the group hug, hopped over the bar again and headed towards the kitchen. A moment later magic started roaring through the kitchen and I did a bit of a double take as I could've sworn I heard Mira singing Bibbidibobbidiboo.

"Didn't we just have a party yesterday?!" Dimaria asked in confusion.

"That was the 'we made it back alive and finished a decade quest' party," Erza explained, "This is going to be your Welcome Party."

"So does that mean that I haven't gotten a welcome party either?" Gajeel asked.

Everyone looked at him in surprise and then Master yelled, "EVERYBODY! WE'VE BEEN SLACKING! WE FORGOT TO THROW GAJEEL A WELCOME PARTY TOO! JUVIA TOO NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

"**PARTY!"** the whole guild roared back.

"YER DAMN RIGHT!" Master shouted, "WE'RE GONNA PARTY FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT!"

And we did too!

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…

"Hey Jerry, you don't mind Dimaria staying with me for a bit right?" Lucy asked as the second day of partying started to wind down. I had stepped out back to the lake shore and thrown out one of my cards as a comfy spot to watch the sunset. Lucy had only followed me out a few minutes later.

I nodded, "Mmm…that's fine."

Lucy sighed in relief, "Okay good, that'll definitely help with the rent."

I turned and looked at her dryly, "Lucy, I've already told ya, _you don't have to worry about rent._ I'm a bloody _billionaire_, paying me rent is like pouring a cup of water into the lake over there. Besides, if it bothers you _that _much," I winked at her with a crooked grin, "you _could_ still take me up on the payin' me off in kisses idea."

Lucy blushed as pink as Natsu's hair, "Kisses?"

I blinked and remembered that I'd told Mira about that idea and Lucy had actually already bolted by the time I'd voiced it that day I bought the building, "Oh yeah, forgot you chickened out of my teasing before I could even suggest it that day. You remember when we were discussing what your rent would be, you tried to argue with me about it because you didn't feel comfortable about such a cheap rate and I offered to make it super awkward if you wanted to argue about it? I was going to offer to let you pay me off in kisses at a thousand jewel off whatever debt you'd stacked up per kiss." I snorted with a grin, "I'd never enforce a deal like that th…oh?"

Lucy had without the slightest warning straddled my lap, "So I owe you twenty kisses for last month and another twenty in case I can't come up with twenty thousand jewel by this evening? Which I probably can't?" she added with a very seductive grin as she pressed her admittedly _very _exceptional chest against mine and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

I wanted to. I really, _really _wanted to. Under different circumstances I almost certainly would have. I shook my head with a frown, "No. No you don't, and you don't owe me forty thousand jewel either. Now get off me before Natsu looks out here and sees us like this."

Lucy pouted and got off, "Is this about Galuna being Natsu's idea of trying to ask me out? There's nothing there! There's nothing going on between me and him!"

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Lucy, have you actually _talked _to Natsu about it? Honestly I'm surprised you even know about that. Everyone I've heard told about it has been all but sworn to secrecy."

Lucy blushed and then glared out at the lake, "Natsu told me about it when we found each other in the Tower. Happy says I'm the first girl he's taken an interest in since his previous girlfriend died. Normally I'd be super flattered, but with the way everything's turned out…"

It didn't take a genius or a mind reader to figure out she was thinking about her keys, "That and the fact that he's an immature blockhead. I mean yeah, he's hot, and not in the 'constantly setting things on fire' sense. If he'd actually just asked me out instead of that stunt with Galuna and everything that happened, I'd probably have said sure just for the hell of trying it with him."

"He's an idiot," she declared quietly as she pulled her knees up to her chin, "He's got no sense of what's actually dangerous for someone normal like me and a lot of his antics honestly annoy the hell out of me." She took a deep breath and sighed, "For all that though, he is still actually one of the nicest people I know. I know he'd protect me like I was a princess and he was my dragon, and I think a lot of what's not jiving between us is just the fact that we're from completely different backgrounds. I'm a sheltered heiress who never had any friends aside from my spirits until I met you, him and Happy, and he's been a rough and tumble Fairy Tail wizard since he was a little kid. I'm still getting used to everything about this being a guild wizard thing and he's like a solid manifestation of everything about Fairy Tail that's hard to get used to."

Then she added quietly, "But he's also a pretty good representation of everything I love about this place."

"I guess, you just seem a little bit more approachable," she continued, "Natsu's a Fairy Tail wizard through and through, but you're like a fairy tale p…"

"_Don't," _I interrupted, "Don't call me a prince." Lucy looked over at me in surprise and I shot her a wan smile, "You and Natsu aren't the only ones with emotional baggage. I went a long way towards sorting mine out at the Tower, but that wound's still deep even if it's starting to heal. So you gravitate towards me more than Natsu because I seem like a good midway between the life you had and the life you've always wanted eh?"

Lucy blinked and then nodded before glancing out at the reflection of the sunset on the water, "Yeah. You're…honestly, I think my parents would _both _be jumping up and down with excitement if I dated a guy like you. You're honest, good looking, thoughtful, caring, responsible, smart and absurdly wealthy. Daddy'd like that last one," she added with a wry little smile.

"And Natsu?" I asked quietly.

Lucy sighed, "Reckless. He's reckless and wild, but I know he means well. Even with how much I still totally blame him for the Galuna Incident and losing my keys, I know, I know. We saved the world and would probably all be dead right now if things hadn't played out the way they did. It still hurts though, and I…I guess I need somebody to blame."

I gently knocked my shoulder into hers, "Then how about ya blame the guy who brought Sorano and Erik along in the first place?"

Lucy froze like I'd doused her in ice water and looked at me in shock. I raised an eyebrow, "What, did you forget that they were only with our group because I was banging Sorano like a drum for two thirds of the cruise?"

Lucy's brain was trying like mad to process that and her expression was an interesting mix of shock and horror and confusion. Then I looked back out at the lake, "Something I think you should consider though, is that even though Sorano took your keys, she also saved your life."

Lucy jerked slightly, "_What?_"

I glanced over at her, "Who did you think put that lacrima in your gut? It wasn't Dimaria, she got stabbed like a dozen times right after you did, and none of the rest of us would've come up with that. Heck the rest of us were busy fighting trying to save the world. There's no way we would've made it to you in time. I couldn't even have sent Virgo to help you because of how badly returning to her origin drained her. You and Dimaria would both have bled out if Sorano hadn't been there. "

"Something else to consider," I added quietly, "Sorano's infamous for _killing _Celestial Wizards to get their keys. She's the one who offed Leo's previous wizard, and she's killed several more besides. We never realized it because I didn't summon Leo the whole trip, but the instant I showed him a picture, he nearly had a heart attack at the thought of her being that close to us."

Lucy was staring at me in horror now and I nodded, "Mmhmm, but when she had a chance to leave _you_ for dead, she actually did everything she could to _save _you. She saved Erza too. We won't know what she was thinking until we find her, but Leo says she hasn't even tried to contract with any of your spirits yet. Honestly Lucy? I think Sorano might consider you a friend."

"A _friend?"_ Lucy asked in shock, the word sounding like it felt completely foreign in her mouth.

"You two _were _getting along pretty well on the way to Mattachu if I recall right," I noted, "She's one of the most wanted dark wizards on the continent, who if I recall a certain offhanded comment right very badly misses her little sister, and judging by Erik's farewell, considers her handful of guildmates to be her brothers. We're probably the first actual chance those two have had to make friends in years. There's something seriously not matching up between the Sorano we traveled with and the dark wizard who's been offing Celestial Wizards for years," I mused.

"I don't believe she could've faked her persona around us, _especially _how she acted around me, and given that we're apparently some of the first people to ever see those two and live to talk about it, I don't think she'd feel the need to, especially given that her entire disguise consisted of dying her hair. Something is very much up with those two, and my gut's tellin' me that it's somethin' we're not gonna like, but we're not gonna know until we find them, and we _will _find them Lucy," I added, "Don't doubt that for a second. On what I believe to be the very slim chance they were playin' us for saps, I'm gonna take the opportunity to beat the hell out of both of them, fantastic romp in the sack or not."

I frowned, "But if that was the real them we were travelling with, then they may actually be friends in very dire need of help. Matter of fact, given that she hasn't even _tried _contracting with your spirits," I mused aloud as the thought occurred to me, "Taking your keys might've been Sorano's way of asking us to find her again."

Erza suddenly plopped down and leaned against my back, "That actually seems likely. Disturbing, but likely. Erik and Sorano were two of the slaves at the Tower before the man who's now their Guild Master came and got them out. Erik told me right before they teleported away that that's why they felt indebted to me."

I went ramrod stiff as the memory of my first night with Sorano flashed vivid in my mind, "And it explains why Sorano had the same reaction you did when she saw my face."

"So we've got two friends backed into some kind of corner who need our help," Erza declared quietly.

I cracked my knuckles as a very grim expression settled across my face, "Then somebody's going to _die._"

Lucy looked like her entire world had just been turned upside down, "She was…calling for help?"

There was a sudden camera flash and a voice muttered, _"Uh-oh! Not cool!"_

I snapped a hand out and snatched the person holding the camera with my telekinesis before yanking him out into the open. I held him upside down and gave him the flattest, driest glare I could muster, "Care to explain why you're sneaking around in the bushes taking pictures of me and my friends before I get irritated and fling you into the lake?"

The blonde cameraman looked like he couldn't decide whether to hyperventilate or have a freaking _orgasm_, "_So COOL! _I'm Jason, a reporter for Sorcerer Weekly! I heard, that Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel, Gajeel Redfox, and the _secret twin brother of MYSTOGAN who is actually SIEGRAIN THE WIZARD SAINT _had just come back from a super top secret quest and taken out an evil cult that was working for one of the most infamous dark guilds on the continent in passing! _And now the secret twin brother is holding me upside down with magic interrogating me! SO COOOOOL!"_

"You heard correctly even if you clearly haven't heard the whole story," I replied dryly, "But you should bloody well _ask _before you start taking pictures. It's friggin' rude to be sneakin' around like that, not to mention a good way to get hurt. You're lucky I didn't chuck first and ask later or you'd be swimming back to shore right now." I spun my finger and turned him back right side up before setting him down.

Then a thought struck me and I lifted him back into the air, turned him upside down again and pulled him over a little bit closer, "More importantly though," My glare would've ignited an ice cube, "_How much of our conversation just now did you hear?_"

I felt more than saw Erza stiffen with worry behind me and Jason the reporter blinked at me in confusion which I could tell to be genuine, "Um, nothing? Was it something I wasn't supposed to hear?"

I set him back upright and put him down because I could tell he was being honest and actually hadn't heard anything. I love my telepathy. "_Good._ That was a private conversation you just interrupted. I'd have erased the memory from your head by blunt force trauma if I'd had to."

"SO COOL!" Jason exclaimed, "YOU'RE SO INTENSE! THAT'S SUCH A FAIRY TAIL THING TO DO! _SO COOL!_"

I reached out and gently bopped him on the head with a light chop that was loaded with Sense of Security, "_Calm down._"

Instead of calming down he somehow got even _more _excited, but he did try to hold it in…for about ten seconds. "SOCOOLSOCOOLSOCOOLSOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Was that calming magic?! I've never seen calming magic! What does it do?! Is that your magic, calming people down?! That's so cool!"

Thankfully Erza was there or I might've teleported either me or Jason somewhere considerably far away. It was getting _seriously _awkward. "Are we to understand that you would like an interview?" Erza asked over my shoulder.

"**YES!**" Jason was suddenly totally still and attentive, his pencil and pad at the ready.

Erza moved up to sit next to me, "What would you like to know?"

"So, what was the quest?!" Jason asked excitedly, "All I've heard is that it was a decade quest! Nobody's been able to tell me which one it was though!"

I swapped a glance with Erza, "Sorry bro, we're keepin' that under wraps for now. What I _can_ tell ya is to be absolutely sure you do not miss Dr. Miguel Whistler's address to the Royal Archaeological Society."

Jason's eyes went wide, then his gaze riveted itself to his pad as he muttered, "Dr. Miguel Whistler, address, Royal Archaeological Society. DO. NOT. MISS." He glanced up, "When's that going to be?"

I shrugged, "Dunno, we only just got back into the country a few days ago. I doubt Doc's had time to set it up yet, but it'll be soon I'm sure."

Jason nodded, "Right, I'll keep my eyes peeled and my ears open! Alright, next question, this is the one everyone's been asking about for weeks but _nobody _can tell me what happened." He looked like he might legitimately wet himself with excitement as he pointed to the darkening sky, "The moon?"

"We had a run in with two of the Alvarez's Spriggan Twelve," Erza explained, "They caught us off guard in our first encounter and we were scattered across the desert. When they arrived unexpected at our team's rendezvous point, Jerry engaged them and held them off until the rest of us could arrive. That's when the first Etherion blast was fired. The second one was a few minutes later after I arrived to assist him."

"So…who stopped it?" Jason asked as his glance bounced from Erza to me and back.

I smirked lightly as I raised my hand, "That'd be me."

"SO COOL! I'd expect nothing less from the twin of a Wizard Saint though!" Jason declared excitedly as he scribbled that down, completely missing my grimace at the mention of the Wizard Saint thing, then he looked up, "So, did you win?"

I swapped a glance with Erza and Erza shook her head, "Regrettably we only managed a draw, and very narrowly at that."

"Ajeel had me on the ropes until he got cocky at the last minute, and Wall would've probably killed the lot of us if he hadn't prioritized getting Ajeel some help over kicking our asses," I explained, "We got _very _lucky. I'm gonna have to get a _lot _stronger before Ajeel comes back for a rematch."

Jason's considerable cowlick stood straight up on end, "_REMATCH?!_"

"He put up one hell of a fight. Came within an inch of killin' me, but he was cool about it when they had to retreat because of the great big hole in his chest. Definitely a worthy opponent and one whose strength I can legitimately respect," I nodded, "I hope he's alright. That fight was nothing personal, and I bear him no grudge, so I'd hate to hear he died from that wound."

"So, you actually beat him?" Jason asked with wide eyes.

I snorted, "No, not even close. He beat _me_ into hamburger and was one more hit from killin' me. I got one good shot in that saved my ass at the very last second, but our fight was interrupted when our allies intervened. I definitely _did not win _that fight, _and_ it was interrupted, so yes. I very much expect him to come back for a rematch one day. Not too soon I hope, like I said, I've got a hell of a lot of training to do before I can even begin to consider myself an equal combatant to him."

"So, how strong is he?" Jason asked in a tone of reverential awe.

"Every bit as strong as Wall, and Wall can fire that Etherion cannon of his by himself if you give him about two minutes," I replied, "If Alvarez has got ten more like those two, then it's little wonder their empire is that big. Even one of them would probably be enough to wreck a small country."

"Can you give a play by play?" Jason asked hopefully.

I snorted, "I could but I won't. Those two have clearly worked hard to get that strong, I'll not go tellin' the secrets of their combat styles to all and sundry for their enemies to exploit."

Jason looked like he wanted to press for more but he swallowed his curiosity and nodded, "Ok, so do you know anything about the way the sky suddenly went dark across the country a few days ago?"

I blinked and swapped a surprised glance with Erza, then I looked back at Jason, "Ancient evil giant flying snake, living embodiment of chaos and primordial darkness, would've caused the end of the world." I replied nonchalantly, "Guy who I _sincerely hope_ was the strongest dragon slayer in the world showed up and blew its head off. Dunno who that guy was, but he saved the world."

"GOD SERENA SAVED THE WORLD?!" Jason exclaimed in shock.

"Dunno, what's he look like?" I asked. Jason immediately dove into his bag and pulled out a stack of pictures before shuffling through them to fish one out. I took one look at the goofy looking man posing for the camera and shook my head, "No, that's _definitely_ not him."

I manifested a life size hologram of the guy who'd taken down Apophis, "_That's _him."

"So cool…" Jason muttered reverentially as he snapped a picture, "Do you know who he is?"

I shook my head, "He didn't give his name. He showed up, saved our team, stared down the end of the world and then when the monster demanded to know who he was because he had just punched its face into a mountain hard enough to _break the mountain_, he just said," I cleared my throat and used Transformation magic to alter my voice into a perfect mimicry of his, "_I am a dragon slayer, **and this is over." **_I switched back to my voice, "Then he jumped all the way up there into the sky and blew its head off in one shot that made the Etherion look like a _water pistol_."

"_A WATER PISTOL?!"_ Jason squeaked in awe.

Erza nodded, "He was by far the most powerful wizard I've ever seen."

"SO COOL!" Jason exclaimed as his pencil flew across his pad.

Erza and I waited for him to finish writing and then he looked up, "So, is there any way I could talk to the other members of the team?"

"Sure," I replied nonchalantly as I gently tugged Lucy over and gestured to her, "This is Lucy Heartfilia, Snow Dragon Slayer. The others are inside."

"I'll go get them," Erza declared, narrowly beating Lucy to the punch. Lucy watched her go looking a little put out. I couldn't blame her, Jason's over enthusiasm was rather difficult to get used to, and she had his full and immediate attention.

"Snow Dragon Slayer?" he asked excitedly.

"I…don't know that I really count," Lucy deflected, "I've got Snow Dragon Slayer magic, but I've always been a Celestial Wizard prior to this mission."

"So, you learned it while you were on the quest?" Jason asked curiously.

"It was part of a procedure to save her life," I interceded before Lucy could accidentally spill the beans about Dimaria's lacrima, "It was a one time thing, extremely high risk and a desperate last resort. _That's all we need to say about it,_" I added as I shot a meaningful glance at Lucy. Honestly bringing up the Snow Dragon Slayer thing might not have been the best idea.

Thankfully though, Jason understood that when a wizard says 'no comment' they mean it and he immediately changed topics, "So, you must be pretty new, right? I haven't heard about any insane escapades like what I usually hear about Natsu and the others."

Lucy grimaced, "Yeah, I've only been a Fairy Tail wizard for…Jerry, how long has it been since we joined?"

"It'll be three months the day after tomorrow," I replied, "And yeah, you actually probably _have _heard about us before since we've been Natsu's team since Hargeon."

"_HARGEON?! That giant fight was you guys?!"_ Jason exclaimed in shock.

Lucy gave me an annoyed glare and I chuckled, "No, _that _was all Natsu, but we're the ones who tipped him off about the slavers and while he was handling their only wizard, we were beating down the rest of them at the docks. After that we followed Natsu back here and joined the guild. Then a few days later the three of us formed a team."

"We've only been on a handful of jobs together, but we work together pretty well," Lucy added.

Jason thought for a moment and then, "Wait! So you guys were a team when Natsu took out that counterfeiting operation in Tulipville?! And when he took out the Red Raven's Rogue's guild?!"

"What are you talking about?" Lucy demanded, "Jerry's the one who came up with the plan for the Red Ravens job _and _he's the reason we were able to clean up those counterfeiters! I've been on a few jobs with Natsu and Happy since then and any time Jerry doesn't come along it's complete chaos!"

"SO COOL!" Jason exclaimed and then something clicked with him, "WAIT! YOU TWO WERE AT OSHIBANA WEREN'T YOU?!" He quickly checked through the roster on his fingers and then looked up at me, "Does that mean you're the masked wizard who took out the entire Eisenwald Guild?!"

I grinned, "Guilty as charged, I can't take all the credit though. Gray's the one who iced 'em after I blew 'em up, and Lucy here's the one who got me out from under that demon's feet."

"So, why were you wearing a mask?" Jason asked.

"He wasn't," Lucy clarified before gesturing to me with a thumb and a catty little grin, "Genius here blew up a mountain just outside of town by mistake and got caught in his own avalanche. He was covered in _bandages_ not a mask. It's how he got this scar," she added as she reached over and tickled the side of my face over my scar with one finger, "He honestly had me worried, insisting on joining the team for that when he'd only gotten to where he could even walk a few days earlier. Then he goes and uses the _exact _magic Ms. Porlyusica told him not to like a complete dumbass trying to impress Erza by taking care of the whole thing by himself."

"Erza smacked me for it when I woke up," I grimaced as I rubbed the back of my head, "And I don't know what Ms. Porlyusica put on me to light my nerves up like that, but I don't want her doing it again!"

Jason was looking at me in awe, "Whoa, you're dating _Erza?!_"

I blinked and then smirked lightly, "No, I'm actually in a very happy relationship with Mira and Cana. Erza and I just…I guess you could say we've got a bit of history with each other. It's a very long story and not one I'd feel comfortable sharing right now, especially in light of recent events."

Jason was quiet for a second and then, "You mean that cult you guys took out a few days ago?"

I went slightly stiff before forcing myself to relax, "Yeah. That was some… really _REALLY_ nasty business. Before you even ask, _no. _I don't want to talk about it."

"Nasty's an understatement," Lucy grumbled as she rubbed the back of her neck, "I think that woman with the sword was as strong as Erza. She hit like a freaking _train. _Don't even get me started on that stupid owl guy that ate Natsu."

"_ATE NATSU?!"_

"The Trinity Raven team from the Death's Head Caucus Assassin's Guild," Erza explained as she walked up with Dimaria and Natsu, "The leader of the cult hired them to ensure his plans weren't foiled."

"He wasn't expecting four Dragon Slayers," Dimaria grinned and I saw Jason's eyes nearly pop out of his skull as he noticed her scars.

"WHOA! Are you alright?!" he asked, "Those look seriously new!"

Dimaria blinked in surprise and then looked down at her admittedly _very _ravaged looking torso, a lot of which was on display since she was wearing a white tube top and had a jacket tied around her waist. She looked up at him in confusion, "Well, this one is, and so's this one," she pointed to a particularly vicious looking red line across the patchwork of scar tissue across her stomach and then again to the side of her leg, "the others happened…" she thought about it for a second, "Has it really been less than a month?"

Jason's jaw dropped, "_That recent?!"_

Dimaria nodded, "I'm a Storm Dragon Slayer. Part of my abilities include healing magic, so I've recovered a lot more than natural."

"What did all that? If you don't mind me asking?"

Dimaria thought about it for a second and then looked at her stomach and started pointing, "Uh, let's see…spear from behind, spear, spear, spear, spear, spear, spear, basically a _lot _of spears, and this one," she drew her finger across the angry red line across the pink patchwork of scars, "was a sword the other day."

"_Someone stabbed you that many times?!" _Jason exclaimed in horror.

Dimaria crossed her arms and pouted, "Hey! I _deflected _the other six hundred or so. Stupid witch targeting my friend while she was unconscious…" she muttered, "Glad we got rid of all the skeletons before that…"

"_Skeletons?!"_ Jason asked excitedly.

Erza cleared her throat, "We're trying to keep the details under wraps."

Dimaria flinched, "Oh right! Ah, yeah, can't really say too much more about it yet."

Jason nodded, "Right, so you said you're a Storm Dragon Slayer, can you tell me anything about that?"

Dimaria nodded, "Yes, I use magic I inherited from Lord Notus the Storm God Dragon of Mildian. I can generate rain, wind, lightning, and thunder, and I also have healing magic that I can use to heal myself or my friends."

The interview went on for over an hour, but I wound up wandering off not much later since Jason was about out of questions for me. I did wind up posing for a picture before that though, I wasn't sure how it turned out, but Jason assured me it was going to be 'seriously COOOOOOOOOOOOL!'

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**NEXT TIME on _Mad Little Slice of Heaven..._**

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_"No, I swear to god, we are ACTUALLY GOING FISHING THIS TIME!"_


	44. Ch39: Fishing and Hunting

**AN: Ok, before we begin, Reviewer Replies and a rather unfortunate announcement.**

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_**Raidentensho:** You just had to guess it didn't you? I couldn't possibly put out a chapter with so obvious a plot that you'd be able to guess it from a single sentence. Had to completely toss my plans for this chapter and come up with something new._

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**_Now a rather unfortunate announcement: Due to work related circumstances I will almost certainly be moving within the next few weeks, so my odds of missing my weekly updates just skyrocketed. _**

**_Also, given that I have no idea where I'll even be moving TO or what's waiting for me when I get there, my writing time may be getting severely reduced for the next few months until I get settled in and things start to smooth out. _**

**_I'm out of backlogged chapters, and as I've said before, I've no interest in sacrificing quality to keep to such a killer schedule, so if I have to go to biweekly or even (shudders) monthly updates in order to continue churning out a quality story, then that's what I'll do._**

**_I will of course still try to make my weekly updates, but I want to warn everyone in advance, my odds of being able to keep to the schedule are probably about to plummet._**

**_To make up for that gloomy announcement, Happy Memorial Day! Here's a whopper that even surprised ME._**

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**Chapter 39: Fishing and Hunting**

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**Two Days Later, October 4th**

**…**

Master gave us the most incredibly _dry _look then he looked over his shoulder, "Mira, would you make sure none of the S-Class jobs are missing?" Mira looked at him in surprise and then pulled a stack of papers from under the bar to start flipping through them.

Cana almost snorted booze out her nose and only narrowly managed to swallow her drink without choking on it. Elfman looked confused and Natsu, Happy, Gray and I all flushed in embarrassment at the implication.

I raised my hands in an X, "No, I swear to god, _THIS TIME _we are _actually going fishing._"

"FISHING IS MANLY!" Elfman declared loudly.

Natsu and Gray nodded in unison, the sight of them actually agreeing on the matter was apparently shocking enough for Master to consider that we might be telling the truth. Unfortunately, the smug grins on their faces at what I could hear them thinking to be Elfman's impeccable logic made them look guilty as all get out.

Master nodded with his eyes closed thoughtfully, "Yes, I quite agree. So, to ensure that your overwhelming aura of manliness doesn't cause absurd amounts of damage that will incur fresh debts after we've so recently paid them all off, I'm sending Erza along with you." The others started to protest and then Master cracked one eye and raised an eyebrow, "_That won't be a problem will it?"_

"Nope!" Gray, Natsu and Happy chorused. Elfman was too busy all but weeping with joy over Master's declaration of our 'overwhelming aura of manliness', the sarcasm of which had been completely and utterly lost on him.

Mira finished checking the job fliers, "Nope, they're all here."

Master glanced over at her, "Hmm…I'm still sending Erza to keep an eye on you lot. ERZA!" Across what would be the main assembly hall when the building was finished, Erza looked up from her cake. "I need you to go with these wackos and make sure they actually go fishing and don't destroy anything!"

"Will there be a picnic?" Erza demanded.

"We can arrange something," I called back.

"I'M IN!"

**…**

* * *

**...**

**That Afternoon**

**...**

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**…**

Honestly, I didn't give a hoot about fishing. I had only agreed to tag along for the exact same reason Master had sent Erza: To keep Gray and Natsu from killing each other.

Now though as Erza and I sat on the shore with Gray in one boat at one end of the cove, Elfman in another at the other end, and Natsu and Happy in the middle on the little stone jetty I'd conjured, it seemed like there was actually… nothing to worry about!

Between Natsu and Gray both sitting stiller than I'd ever seen them except to yank fish out of the water and Elfman being unusually still and quiet as well, I was able to sit down on the blanket and stretch out like a cat before slumping and enjoying the sun on my front as I pulled the brim of my hat over my eyes.

"I didn't expect things to go this peacefully," Erza mused, "But I'm very glad they are! Now we can enjoy this wonderful picnic!"

"It probably helps that I've been quietly bathing everyone with calming magic since we stepped out of the Guild Hall," I noted quietly, "They couldn't get worked up right now if they wanted to."

Erza looked over at me in surprise and then smiled, "Oh? How very sneaky of you."

I grinned, "The only thing we have to watch for now is to make sure they don't fall in. In the meantime, we can enjoy ourselves."

We sat in silence for a while and then Erza asked, "Is there anything we're supposed to do on a picnic?"

"Eat, enjoy the company, maybe a game if we're in a gaming mood," I listed quietly, "Never really went on many picnics, was more of an indoor guy. The other thing is that when I was a kid, they never cleaned the outside tables at my school, so since the tables were under a bunch of trees, there was always bird crap all over the tables and benches, and the shade meant the bugs loved it. It was quite enough to put me off eating outside at a very early age."

Erza grimaced, "So, games huh? What should we play?" I could tell she was very excited by the idea when she said it, "Ooh! How about Spin the Bottle? Master won't let us play in the Guild Hall because of how many fights it starts, but out here there's nothing around to destroy so we can play as much as we like!"

I lifted the brim of my hat and then sat up to look at her, "Erza, there's only two of us."

Erza pouted, "Oh poo, you're right. It wouldn't be much fun with only two of us…" She took a bite of her sandwich and started chewing in annoyance as she tried to think of another game.

I raised an eyebrow, "Actually I think that would just mean we take the bottle out of the equation and start making out."

Erza flushed as red as her hair and almost choked on her sandwich. I teleported the food clogging her airway out and tossed it into the lake as I laid a concerned hand on her back, "You alright Erza?"

"Wh-WHAT DOES MAKING OUT HAVE TO DO WITH SPIN THE BOTTLE?!" Erza demanded.

I raised an eyebrow, "Where I'm from Spin the Bottle is a game where whoever spins the bottle has to kiss whoever it lands on, or whoever they've got a crush on depending on who's playing. Either way, it ends with us making out."

Erza blushed a little bit redder, "O-oh…here you have to either answer a question or take a dare!"

I nodded, "Ah so here they've mixed 'Spin the Bottle' with 'Truth or Dare', I get it. Well yes, truth or dare can certainly be played with only two people. So, I'll go with truth. Ask away."

Erza took a moment to recompose herself and then she took another to think of a question, "Ok…um…do you pick your nose?"

"Only when I'm alone," I replied, "there are some obstructions that mere blowing can't clear, but I'd rather not embarrass or gross out Mira or Cana, or any other ladies I might be around." Erza considered that and I told her, "Okay, your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Mmm…dare!" Erza declared confidently, "I'm not afraid!"

"Dare you to take off your armor and not put any on for the rest of the game," I replied without missing a beat.

Erza's eyes popped wide open and she immediately went pale and her mind immediately screamed panic, "Um, I uh…"

I immediately scooted over and wrapped her in a hug, "You use your armor as a security blanket huh? Well I guess that counts as a truth, so we'll move onto my turn. Dare."

Erza's pulse settled down as she realized she wasn't going to have to take her armor off. Then she blushed lightly, "Um…take off your shirt."

I blinked, "Eh? Ah well, turn about's fair play I suppose." Off went the shirt and I folded my cape closed around myself so that only my head was poking out of my tent of a cape with a grin, "Your turn!"

"I think I should go with truth this time," Erza declared, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

"What was your first date like?"

Erza blushed and then glanced off to the side, "I've…never actually been on a date."

I tilted my head to the side, "Eh? But you're amazing, how have…" then it hit me, "Ohhh never found a guy you like huh?"

Erza closed her eyes and shook her head, "No, I've…had one since I was a child."

It hit me like a mallet as I realized who she was talking about, "Oh…um…shit. I'm just asking all the wrong questions today ain't I?"

Erza exhaled, "It's not your fault. It _is _your turn though."

I thought for a second, "Dare."

"I dare you to pick me a bouquet!" I blinked in surprise at the dare and then closed my eyes and stretched out a hand, my magic quickly scanning the forest behind us. I snapped my fingers as Archive located over a dozen flowers and little screens appeared to neatly sever the stems before they were yanked to my hand with telekinesis. I curled my fingers around them and presented them to Erza, "For you."

Erza accepted the bundle of blue aster and red dianthus with a blush, "That didn't buy me nearly as much time as I'd hoped," she muttered into the flowers before taking a deep breath, "I believe it's my turn again. Dare."

I thought for a moment, "I dare you to…drink." I offered her a bottle I pulled from inside my cape. Erza's blush immediately deepened, "W-why do you have that?"

"Fishing and drinking go hand in hand," I replied with a smile, "I didn't realize when me and the guys decided to come fishing that we'd have you along. We were planning to drink while we fished, but Natsu and Gray are scared you'll kick both their asses if they get drunk and start fighting. Mira and Cana say you're an incredibly violent drunk when you're not alone, but since right now it's just you and me…" I wagged the bottle at her, "Care to see what happens?"

Erza blushed a little pinker and then accepted the bottle, quickly taking a sip before handing it back with a grimace, "Your turn."

I thought for a second, "Truth."

"Do you actually like me or is it just your guilt over Erica?"

_That _was kind of a punch in the gut. I thought for a second, "Yes Erza, I like you very much. I liked you from the day we met, and certainly well before I figured out the connection between you and her." Erza blushed a bit more and hid her face in her flowers. I couldn't help but smile at how cute this sudden shyness was, "Your turn."

"Truth!" Erza declared.

I thought for a moment, "What's your favorite armor?"

Light suddenly flashed around Erza and she was suddenly wearing a set of pink armor that was very knightly and covered her whole body aside from a small gap between the light pink skirt and the armored boots that came up over her knees. She had on a pale lavender cape and two pink feather like decorations in her suddenly braided hair. The whole thing had a feathery feel to it that belied the nature of the enchanted steel that comprised it.

"Armadura Fairy," she explained quietly, "I had it made to represent my pride as a Fairy Tail wizard. It's my strongest armor and I only take it out for really desperate situations because it's my favorite and I don't want it getting messed up."

I smiled, "It looks great on you, I see why you like it."

"Your turn," Erza told me.

"I'll go with truth again," I decided after a moment.

"Why did you leave when we woke up in each other's arms at the Magic Council building?"

Mallet. Face. That one knocked me for a loop for a second. I exhaled, "Honestly Erza? The exact reason I gave you then. If I hadn't left when I did, I would've done everything in my power to be making love to you right then and there, sense and restraint and decency be damned."

"What have those got to do with anything?!" Erza pouted.

I blinked in surprise and then I snorted, "You were fresh out of an extremely traumatizing experience and it would be rude and cruel to take advantage of your desire to latch onto something familiar in search of comfort. I point blank _refuse_ to betray your trust like that." Erza looked very surprised and then tried to hide her blush behind her flowers. I took a second to enjoy how absolutely _adorable _she was and then smiled, "Your turn again."

"Dare."

I thought for a moment, "I dare you to close your eyes until I say you can open them, hold perfectly still, and trust me." Erza closed her eyes and in the blink of an eye I teleported back across the lake to Magnolia, specifically the bakery. I quickly shelled out two thousand jewel (about twenty bucks) for a strawberry cake I'd seen in the window on our way out of town and then teleported back, pleased to see that Erza's eyes were still closed. I set the cake down between us and smiled, "You can open your eyes now."

Erza's eyes popped open and immediately riveted themselves to the cake, "How long have you had that?"

"About sixty seconds," I grinned, "Teleportation's pretty useful."

"Can I…eat that?" Erza asked tentatively.

I smiled and offered her a fork, "As much as you like."

Erza accepted the fork and delicately selected her first bite. She raised it to her lips and if the expression of pure bliss hadn't convinced me she liked it, the near orgasmic little moan that found its way to my ears certainly did. I'm vaguely surprised my hat didn't fall off from the way every hair on my body stood on end in response to that moan. Some part of my brain churned out that this must be what animals felt like when they heard a _really_ good mating call. I know that's not how she intended that but holy _hell _did it kick my baser instincts into overdrive.

Erza noticed me blushing and fidgeting a few moments later, "Is something wrong?"

"I didn't realize it was possible to be turned on by someone eating strawberry cake," I admitted, "I think that was the happiest sound I've ever heard _not _in a bedroom."

Erza blushed as she took her next bite and then a thought visibly crossed her mind. She swallowed and then, "Oh, I just remembered. There's something I want your help with next time you get an opportunity."

My ears pricked up, "Go ahead."

"There is a certain breed of strawberry that are known as Maximum Sweet Strawberries," Erza explained, "They're legendary among bakers for how good they are. I've never had a chance to taste one and I've only heard about it as a passing rumor from a baker who once had an opportunity to use one he bought from a passing wizard. I thought they were just a myth, but while we were docked that day at Puerta Samba, I met a young woman named Jack who challenged me to a fight with a map to the location where those legendary berries grow as the prize if I won. She claimed she knew the route by heart and that her father used to take her every year. Unfortunately I lost, so I wasn't able to, what's that look?"

"You _lost?"_ I asked in shock.

Erza pouted at me, "Yes. It does happen sometimes. She was extremely fast and a teleporter like you. I think she may have been from the future."

I tilted my head, "The future? Interesting theory, some would say crazy. I on the other hand have been yanked across the dimensional barrier and I know that time magic is a thing. That said, may I ask how you arrived at that conclusion?"

"I'm pretty sure that she was yours and Mira's daughter," Erza replied bluntly as she took another bite of cake.

It's a damn good thing I wasn't drinking or eating anything. I would've spewed it, choked or both, "COME AGAIN?!"

"She had snow white hair like Mira, cut like a cuter version of yours, her eyes were the same color as yours and she used what I'm pretty sure was _your_ brand of teleportation magic," Erza ticked off nonchalantly, "Add to that the fact that she was talking to her younger brother about something that I now realize to be a time loop being apparently stable, the fact that she was from Fairy Tail even though I've never seen her before, and I'd say it adds up."

Then she added, "Oh and Lucy and Levy spotted two boys who looked _disturbingly _similar to Natsu and Gray, who were apprehended by a woman who looked a lot like the daughter Alzack and Bisca don't have yet that knew Levy and Lucy on sight, along with Gajeel chasing after a young girl with black hair like his who hugged Levy for no reason before running away from him laughing that he all but refuses to talk about, aaand given that at least Jack disappeared in a flash of golden light that didn't look like an ordinary teleport and I'd wager the others did too.._._"

She took another bite, "Oh, and she mentioned that her brother's name was _Gil_, which if my theory is right would probably be short for…"

"Gilgamesh," I finished in shock, "Exactly what I'd name my firstborn son. Erza, why, why didn't you tell me?" Then something hit me, "Wait, Jack?"

Erza nodded, "That's the name she gave me."

"I would've named my first born daughter either Mordred or Artoria," I mused, then I shrugged, "Might've been a false name, or maybe her middle name. Can you show her to me?"

Erza closed her eyes and thought about the girl she'd claimed to be my daughter. I closed my eyes and gently touched her consciousness to look at the memory and felt my breath hitch as I saw her gleefully victorious grin, "I think you're right. That's _exactly_ who that is…" I pressed my palms to my eyes as I felt tears of pride start forming, "My baby girl…she's so beautiful…she, you said she _beat _you?"

Erza showed me the incredibly quick fight and the conversation leading up to it. I started laughing out of pride as I watched her display so may of what I recognized as my own mannerisms and then kick Erza's ass like an absolute little _boss_, "She's amazing!" I folded my hands in my lap and sat there for a moment, crying my eyes out and grinning from ear to ear as my heart tried to swell its way out of my chest with pride, "My little girl…I can't wait to meet her…She's not even here yet and I'm already so proud…"

"She also stole my underwear as a trophy," Erza noted a moment later.

The water works cut off immediately as that hit me. I snorted with laughter, then I started rolling around cackling, "HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S MY GIRL! HAHAHAHAHA! HOHOHOLY SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD THAT'S AMAZING! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

**…**

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**The Next Night**

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**…**

I hadn't wasted any time in throwing myself into research about the Maximum Sweet Strawberry when we got back from fishing, and the results told me that if there were any handy then the forest Vulcans would almost certainly know where they were since they were all possessed of a near obsessive love of berries. I'd immediately resolved to hunt down as many Vulcans as I needed to and keep scouring as many of their minds as I needed to in order to find those berries. My baby girl was _getting_ her strawberry picking trips.

That thought was quickly pushed to the back of my mind though as I started researching the Vulcans more so I could find one, and my almost bloodthirsty eagerness quickly curdled into a stone cold murderous _vendetta_ as I learned more about the beasts called Vulcans.

They were basically spirits who possessed travelers and civilians to enjoy the sensations of physical bodies. Interestingly, their possession abilities were basically the same as what Mira and Elfman described their Take Over magic as being, except with the rather disturbing distinction of being geared towards _humans _instead of beasts or demons.

They were apparently extremely dangerous with it, even Macao, who I knew to be at least a decently formidable wizard even by Fairy Tail's admittedly high standards, had been possessed and gone missing for over a week around the time Lucy and I joined the guild. Apparently Natsu and Lucy had gone and rescued him while I was on the Everlue case with Team Shadowgear, or he might _still _be missing. I'd learned that Vulcans had to be basically beaten out of bodies they'd possessed, which while unfortunate, meant the only chance of freeing their hosts came with a significant chance of hurting them. I needed information, but there was no way in hell I was leaving innocent people trapped like this.

I'd find some other way to find the Maximum Sweet Strawberries. _Not one more person is going to go missing because of these brutes, _I glowered on the high branch I'd come to rest on as I raised a finger gun. Then I grinned as white light manifested around my fingertips illuminating the night, _BOOM._

Not even a blink later, the clearing erupted with light as my first shot struck home, dispersing the first and biggest of the bunch instantly along with the three nearest him. The rest immediately tried to scatter only to find themselves being lifted off the ground. I flew into the air over the clearing and lit it up, my arms crossed and blazing like a searchlight as I hovered over the four victims who had been freed, "Oh no, you're turning those bodies loose. **_NOW._"** **BOOM.**

The Vulcans only had an instant to be horrified before I slammed them into the ground like shots from cannons. My eyes darted about as I confirmed, all seventeen hosts had been freed. I was then presented with another problem, seventeen _very_ angry mental signatures forming up as shadows of malicious magical energy. That was okay though, I had a _perfect _counter to that. "**_Blackout Stream._"**

The ribbon of Devouring ripped through the Vulcan's spirit forms and ground them to magic chuck, their magic and thus their consciousness were eradicated and consumed in an instant. Most wizards had to settle for just freeing Vulcans' hosts and driving them off, normally only people armed with Exorcism magic could hope to truly slay them because of their nature as malignant spirits. I was glad my hunch about my Devouring magic was right, it would make eradicating them just that much easier.

Once the malignant energy signatures had been completely eradicated, I toned down the glow and floated down, "Is everyone alright?"

No answer was immediately forthcoming, so I pulsed Sense of Security and almost immediately jumped back into the air as the tears and sobs started all at once. Then my telepathy picked up on the overwhelming relief and joy of the poor souls I had just set free for the first time in who knew how long. I smiled and raised a card to my lips, "Hey Master? First batch is heading your way."

"ALREADY?!"

I smiled, "Get those blankets ready and maybe some hot cocoa. I'm sending them to you in three, two, one…" I snapped my fingers and the newly freed hosts disappeared, reappearing over at the Guild Hall nearly ten miles away. "They all there? There should be seventeen."

"Yes they've all arrived," Master replied a second later, "Are you sure about this? Vulcan hunting is dangerous."

My expression hardened, "Take one look at those people in front of you Master. Who knows how many more victims like that there are? I may not be able to clear the entire country tonight, but with Meteor, Archive and my Devouring magic which can actually kill them instead of just scaring them off? I can _damn sure_ put a dent in it."

Master was quiet for a moment and then, "Good luck boy, and god speed."

**…**

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**The Next Morning**

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**…**

One night of hunting and about three metric shit tons of dead Vulcans later, just as the sun was coming up, I came in for a landing on the street leading up to the Guild Hall, noting that the entire town seemed like a refugee camp. I guess technically it was. It would've warmed my heart no end to see my guild mates out helping comfort and try to set up rides home for the Vulcans' victims, but right then, I was too tired to do much more than force one foot in front of the other. If I'd tried to fly any further, I'd have crashed into something.

There was a lot of commotion and then suddenly two people caught me under either arm and helped me down the street as I stumbled. My momentum hadn't worn off and my just knees weren't doing the whole 'hold me up' thing right then. I'd pushed myself way too hard, I could barely pick my head up and if that was rain I was hearing, _I_ _couldn't feel it._ "Thanks…" I mumbled to the two guys all but carrying me down the street, "really…" I yawned and shook my head, "…really tired. Can you guys…help me to the Guild Hall? Need…need ta report…six thousand six hundred and twenty one…didn't…didn't get whole country…might be more…northwest…found…" another yawn, "…found strawberries…big ones…"

Given that I can't remember anything else, I think I must've passed out pretty quickly thereafter.

**…**

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**That Afternoon**

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**…**

"HA?! WHAT?!" I sat bolt upright, suddenly wide awake and alert as something crashed into something else. It took me a second to get my bearings and I found myself in the Guild Archive with a very embarrassed Elfman sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, "Oh shit! Elfman are you alright?!"

"I'm fine," he grumbled as he straightened up and waved off the hand I offered him as I teleported over. He glanced up at me, "So you're finally awake huh? That was a pretty manly stunt you pulled last night. How many Vulcans did you kill? The rumor mill's going crazy, some folks are saying six hundred and others are saying sixty _thousand._"

"Six thousand six hundred and twenty one," I replied as the number popped into my head, "How are the victims? Is everyone alright?"

"A lot of them are pretty shaken up, and they're having to get used to having control of their bodies again, but they're all alive," Elfman told me as he stood up before musing, "Man, I never realized those things were such a menace. That one really big batch you sent around midnight was an entire village, even the little kids!"

I scowled as the horror of seeing children where Vulcans had been flashed fresh in my mind, "_Damn ghost monkeys…_" I turned and started up the stairs, "As soon as I eat I'm going out again!"

"Uh, actually, the Council's kinda here to see you?" Elfman declared tentatively, "That's why I came down to get you. We'd have let you sleep as long as you needed to otherwise."

I looked over my shoulder at him, "What do they want?"

Elfman shrugged, "Dunno, but Mystogan's here too so…"

I raised an eyebrow, "He is? Huh. Well, guess I'd better go see what's…" GROAAAAOOGH "…cookin' because I am very hungry. _Then_ I'll see what the Council wants. Thanks for wakin' me up. You good?"

Elfman scratched his head and shuffled something behind his feet, "Oh ah, yeah yeah. I'm good." I elected not to mention the bits of shattered plate I had just noticed he was trying to hide. He wasn't bleeding and clearly wanted to pretend nothing had happened.

I grinned, "Thanks bro. Guess I better get up there." I turned and bounced up the rest of the stairs, striding down the hallway to the main meeting hall and teleporting from the doorway to my usual stool at the bar. I immediately started looking around and felt myself start instinctively sweating as I noticed the _absurd _number of uniformed Rune Knights in the Guild Hall. Then the 'oh shit' feeling got a hundred times worse as everyone in the room suddenly looked _right at me._

I sat forward and spread my hands with a friendly smile in the direction of the Magic Council, "Ah, am I in trouble? Cause, just me, this seems like a pretty silly thing to get in trouble for."

Everyone started looking around at each other and I could _feel _the confusion in the air. Then Chairman Seam laughed, "No, no! Quite the opposite actually! According to my scans, you've hunted one of the most common and dangerous threats to the citizens of this kingdom to the brink of extinction in a single night, saving all their victims and doing everything within your power to get them home and back to living their lives! We have not come to scold. We have come to congratulate!"

I tilted my head in curiosity, "Oh? Well ah, thanks, I guess. If you really want to thank me though, all these guys you brought with you would be a big help in getting everybody home safe. I'm sure y'all have already thought of that though since you brought so many. I can start firing up portals once I know where everyone needs to go."

Chairman Seam looked at me in surprise for a moment and then turned a smug little grin on Org who looked utterly stunned. Then Org crossed his arms and looked away with a small pout, "_Fine._ I change my vote."

Belno cleared her throat with a small smile, "I too believe I have heard what I needed to. I shall vote in favor."

I furrowed my brow in confusion that was only compounded by Master's head whipping around so fast I was worried he might actually give himself whiplash. "Ah, vote in favor of what?" I asked a tad nervously.

Chairman Seam grinned, "Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail, in light of your defeat of the man known as Jellal, a seat has opened among the Ten Wizard Saints. In light of your efforts last night and previously over the course of the last few months, we have elected you to take the title Jellal once wrongfully held. Congratulations Mr. Granger, I, Crawford Seam, chairman of the Magic Council, hereby declare you a member of the Ten Wizard Saints."

If my eyes had gone any wider, I think they would've popped out of my head, and Mira picked up my jaw off the floor with a kiss on the cheek right before she stuck the little medal on me. My only thought on the matter?

_"HUH?!"_

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**No preview this week. Keep your fingers crossed everybody, hope to see you all next week! :)**


	45. Ch40: Laxus

**AN: _Ok, apologies for the delay everybody. I just got word today, I'm set to start work in a new town on Monday, so I should really be packing like crazy right now. The hours are probably going to be very long, so I don't know how well I'll be able to stick to even a bi-weekly schedule for the next few months since from what I've heard everyone on this new job site has been going balls to the wall, seventy hours a week or more for months and it shows no signs of letting up anytime soon. I'll still try to update with some regularity, but please bear with me if I can't._**

**_With that out of the way, let's get to the fun stuff! Reviewer Replies!_**

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_**Raidentensho: **Nope, no meeting of the Saints this week._ _I think you'll enjoy what I've got cooked up though. Glad you're still enjoying! :D_

**_Beruit:_**_ Yeah, Vulcans are definitely a case of extreme fridge horror. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing Jerry get rewarded for his heroics. It honestly caught me quite off guard. I'd initially intended for Mystogan to get that spot, but since it's canon that Erza would've been made a posthumous member if she had died to stop the R-System and Jerry put that on ice, sounded the alarm to get reinforcements to the Magic Council and stop the Etherion, helped save two train loads of civilians and then went and exterminated the Vulcans, it seemed quite appropriate for him to get it. As always very glad you're enjoying, and thank you for the well wishes._

**_AnimeMyWorld:_**_ So glad you like, more fluff you say? Hmmm...not much this chapter, probably not next chapter, but maybe the chapter after that...(goes to check schedule) Yep! Chapter after next is slated to have a pretty fair bit of fluffy heartwarming goodness._

**_Ask-if-I-like-lemons:_**_ In response to your review on Chapter 3, if you've made it this far then you've surely realized by now that what he had access to then was really only the very most basic functions of his magic, and his cards are as Erza pointed out, rather more on the side of HOLY SHIT HOW DID YOU GET THOSE?! than not. And since I really can't just let a username like that go without asking, DO you like lemons?_

**_And now, on with the show!_**

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**Chapter 40: Laxus**

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**==8 Days Later, October 14th==**

**…**

It was a normal day like any other, except not. It was in fact the day before a rather important day for the Fairy Tail Guild. Tomorrow was Magnolia's annual Harvest Festival, which meant Fairy Tail's Fantasia Parade that evening. It was a massive event which would normally take weeks of planning. Thanks to that wonderful little every day miracle we call magic, we were able to whip it up the day before with only a little bit of effort and collaboration.

Floats would normally take a lot of time, but for a guild of wizards and with the colorful variety of characters that inhabited it (that is the politest way I know to say 'insane asylum for the magically gifted'), dozens of floats were produced in the span of a few hours. They came in numerous shapes and sizes, but all would fit down Magnolia's streets along the route.

Costumes were a piece of cake with transformation magic and propulsion was no issue either. We had numerous telekinetic wizards and propelling well made wheels with it required barely a touch.

Many float themes were hammered out with ease and many of the teams easily put their heads together to come up with show routines for the floats. Cana was teaming up with Macao and Wakaba for a circus themed float, Mira and Elfman were going to have a castle themed float to themselves with Elfman as a fearsome beast guarding the beautiful princess Mira. I'd gotten a special sneak peak of the dresses Mira and Cana were wearing, and they'd managed to reduce me to a stammering stuttering wreck in seconds. They'd been quite pleased with themselves over that.

There was also the _Miss Fairy Tail Contest_ going on, which I had elected quite firmly to keep my nose way the hell out and away from since Mira, Cana _and _Erza were competing. Mira pouted at me ever so slightly when I told her that, and I pointed out that I couldn't root for any of them without hurting the others' feelings or having my cheers be rendered largely invalid by cheering for all of them. "Besides," I added with a grin, "You win every year right?"

Mira huffed lightly with a small smile, "This would be three years running, yes. I think I might actually throw it this year though."

I looked at her in surprise and she just grinned, "Normally I just swap into whichever bikini I think is the cutest and let the star power and practice do the work. I think everyone else has cottoned onto that trick now though, so I bet everyone's going to be doing it. Unless you just _want_ me to be strutting my stuff for the entire town to see," she added with a teasing grin.

I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to me as I guided her jaw up for a kiss and grinned, "If showing off will make you happy, then I want the entire _world _drooling over you…" I kissed her and when we came up with a grin, "And if anyone comes within a _mile_ of laying a hand on you, I hope you understand that _I will beat them into a stain on the floor._" I let that hang in the air for a second and then amended, "Unless it's Cana or Erza or some other girl you want to have fun with. That I don't mind."

Mira teasingly pouted at me, "Oh, but what if I want a guy to touch me?"

My eye twitched and I'll admit, I _almost_ got upset even though I knew she didn't mean it. Then I got it under control and transformed through a dozen different faces in rapid succession before settling back on my usual form as I pulled her a little closer to whisper in her ear, "Tell me. I can be _anybody._" I used my telekinesis to mimic the feeling of arms wrapping around her from behind as I used a tiny Archive speaker to add quietly in her other ear, "I can even be _everybody_ if that's what you want_._ If you need an army to satisfy you, I can be that. Just please," I added as I laid my forehead to hers, "let _me _and not somebody else okay? I don't think my poor old heart could take being replaced."

Mira's eyes went wide in shock and then she started laughing as she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss that made me want to teleport us to a bed, mine, hers, _any bed, _and get. It. ON. When she finally let me breathe, she cupped my face in her hands and gave me the most loving smile I could've ever hoped for, "I have the best boyfriend in the world, why would I ever want anyone else?"

Cana cleared her throat a moment into the rather extensive tongue kissing that followed, "Not that that's not hot as fuck, but we _are _still in the middle of the Guild Hall you know." She casually took a drink as Mira and I looked around and blushed faintly as we realized that people were starting to stare.

I shrugged and then declared loudly with a grin, "I regret _absolutely nothing_ about this. Carry on everybody." I went right back to kissing Mira as she giggled, but we did break it up a moment or two later so Mira could get back to serving drinks.

The happy buzz lasted a few minutes and then my overwhelming social anxiety crashed back over me like a wave and I slumped over the bar, "What. The hell. Am I gonna do for the parade?"

Cana snickered at me, "Better come up with something soon, _your holiness._"

"_Don't bring that up!_" I hissed. The whole Wizard Saint thing still had me wanting to curl up into a ball and roll around in a ball of screaming panic, freaking straight the hell out because I was _so _not ready for that! I _damn sure _wasn't anyone fit to be called a saint! _Where the hell was Amakusa-sensei when I needed him?!_

Master had noticed the dazed look I'd been sporting for most of the rest of that day and just chuckled, patted me on the back and told me I'd do fine. Mira was absolutely overjoyed and outright gushing with pride. Everyone else was congratulating me. Everyone except for Cana, Gajeel and Juvia. Gajeel and Juvia both actually cottoned on to my discomfort after we'd gotten all the Vulcans' victims home safely and tried to reassure me, which helped. They didn't know me quite as well as Gabe and Julie had, but they were still close enough to be very comforting presences.

When Cana noticed it, she just smirked and dragged me to the wine cellar to ah, _distract me_ and get my mind off of it. It had worked very effectively, but sadly it hadn't really _solved_ the problem so much as postponed it. Now she just mercilessly teased me over it, which I knew was her own way of trying to help me get used to the idea, but didn't make it any more pleasant.

The reason it was valid at this particular moment was because Master had informed me pretty nonchalantly that since I was more than a bit of a celebrity now, I'd be expected to do something like a float for the parade. The problem? I had _absolutely no idea what to do._

I sat back and looked up at the sky, noting with no small amount of displeasure that it was already late afternoon and I'd still come up with exactly _jack._ I growled discontentedly, _Why couldn't this just be as easy as building a friggin' village? That wasn't hard at…_ My eyes went wide and I sat bolt upright, "The parade route ends at the Guild Hall right?"

Cana looked at me in surprise, "Yeah, you figured something out?"

I grinned, "Maybe. Where's Master?"

**…**

* * *

**...**

**==That Night==**

**...**

* * *

**…**

It was nearly midnight and I was rather exhausted as I dragged myself home, it hadn't been easy preparations. Getting it ready was one thing, getting it ready _in secret_ was another matter altogether. I'd had to wait until everyone had gone home to prepare it.

"Dude, hurry up before someone sees us!"

I froze and turned invisible, immediately flattening myself against the corner before peering around it and then teleporting back a few blocks when I felt the power of two wizards in front of my apartment. I listened in via portal and _felt _the color leave my face. Then it came back in force and I'm certain I turned as red as Erza's hair.

One truly EPIC curb stomping later, the two Phantom Lord members who had been trying to set up flashbangs to disrupt the parade were trying to mumble apologies through thoroughly broken faces as they scrubbed the runes off the street. The instant I was sure it was gone and had checked with Archive to make sure they hadn't prepared any _other _surprises for us, I punted them through a portal slam into the middle of their Guild Hall.

I brushed my hands off, crossed my arms and snorted, "_Douchebags._" I turned to head home and…

Then I felt it. Malice so strong and vicious that at first I thought there was a monster heading for town. I turned towards it and my eyes went wide, _No…no animal packs THAT MUCH hate…_

I reached out with my telepathy and scanned the area, _Who is that?_

I flew up high, turned invisible and teleported over close enough to see who that was standing on the cliff overlooking the west side of town. I was surprised to see Laxus and three other wizards waiting for me. I frowned as I sensed the magic power collected in that spot, the four of them together added up to _my_ whole team. More pressingly though, the instant I reappeared, one of them looked _straight at me._

"You might as well show yerself buddy!" The helmeted wizard called, "I can see your soul and my babies are lookin' fer some fun!"

My heart skipped a beat, "_COUSIN RICK?!"_ I floated down, dropping my invisibility as the helmeted wizard paused in surprise and Laxus and the other two looked up in surprise.

The helmeted wizard pointed to himself, "Me? Uh, my name's Bickslow. Have you got me confused for someone else?"

My heart skipped another beat and I grinned, "Take off the helmet! Lemme see your face!"

"Uh dude, that's not a good idea," Bickslow protested, "If you look me in the eye then…"

"What color is your hair?" I asked as I snatched off my hat and pointed at my head, "Blue? Like mine?!"

Bickslow paused in surprise, "Uh, yeah actually…"

"And were your parents names any variation of John Lowe and Mary Lowe?" I asked excitedly.

Bickslow's face went slack and he yanked his helmet off to glare at me prompting Laxus and the other two to gape in shock, "Ok, _who the hell are you?_"

I threw my hands in the air in excitement as my hunch was confirmed, "IT IS YOU! HAHAAA!" I lunged forward and caught him in a hug, "I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN YOU CRAZY PYRO!" I picked him up with a little help from my telekinesis and spun him around laughing excitedly, "I'M YOUR AUNT SOPHIA'S SON!"

"WAIT! SERIOUSLY?!" Bickslow demanded, "AND PUT ME DOWN!"

I put him down and grinned as he looked at me in confusion. He looked at Laxus and the other two pointing to me and himself and back, "Guys? Do you see any resemblance?" I let my grin spread as wide as it could go and they all stared at us.

"Oh gods there's two of him…" Freed whispered in horror.

"What the hell?" Laxus breathed.

Bickslow's jaw dropped, "THAT MUCH?!"

"Technically I'm the alternate dimension version of your cousin," I clarified, "But yeah, _that much._ Until he hit his growth spurt, people used to think we were twins any time we were in the same place."

Bickslow turned to me jerkily and asked me in an utterly _haunted _voice, "J-Jelly?"

"Again, parallel universe version. I'm _Jerry _not Jelly," I shrugged, "The one you're referring to is currently languishing in a maximum security prison cell probably not recovering very well if at all from the absolute _ass kicking of a lifetime_ for trying to revive Zeref."

"WHAT?!" Bickslow demanded and I snapped my eyes closed as I sensed power flooding his eyes.

"You heard me," I replied evenly, "I'm about the closest available unless you wanna go talk to Mystogan. How have you not heard about this?"

"Yer tellin' me, that my cousin, who was like a brother to me, went crazy, and tried to revive motherfuckin' _Zeref,_ and _you're _his alternate universe counterpart?!" Bickslow demanded.

"Yep," I replied calmly, waiting for the undoubtedly furiously disbelieving reaction.

"THAT'S AWESOME!" Bickslow exclaimed excitedly before grabbing me up in a hug every bit as enthusiastic as the one I'd had him in a moment earlier, "THAT TOTALLY EXPLAINS WHY YOUR SOUL LOOKS SO FAMILIAR! YA GOTTA TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT! YOU SAID YOU'RE FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE? WHAT WAS IT LIKE? WHAT WAS I LIKE?! COME ON MAN DON'T LEAVE ME HANGIN!"

As he set me down I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "I'll tell ya all about it! But first," I cracked an eye, "There was somebody over here giving off an aura of hate so strong I could feel it from halfway across town. I don't know who, I don't know who at, but I gotta find 'em and find out what the hell's up."

"Oh, that was me," Laxus replied nonchalantly.

"The hell crawled up _your_ ass and died?" I asked flatly. Bickslow tried his damnedest not to laugh, the other two face faulted and Laxus looked at me like nobody had ever dared speak to him that way before.

Silence reigned for what seemed like a long time and then Laxus asked quietly, "You mean nobody's told you?"

"Unless it's about what happened with Mira, _no,_" I replied flatly, "And if that was directed at _her,"_ My eyes started glowing, "Then we are about to have a VERY serious problem."

Laxus flinched like I'd punched him, "WHAT?! NO! HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK I'D HATE HER?!" Then he all but choked as a horrified look crossed his face, "Oh god, she told you?"

"She didn't tell me _jack shit,_" I growled, still keeping one arm around Bickslow in case he needed to restrain me. I didn't trust myself a hundred percent right then, "The only thing that kept me from _hunting you down_ when I got back from that quest and found out she'd locked herself in her room crying for a month and a half was Master telling me how hard she blasted ya."

Laxus flinched like I'd punched him again as a look of horror crossed his face, "S-she what?!"

"_You heard me,_" I hissed, "_I don't know what you did, I don't know what you said. _All I know is that you made Mira cry for a _month and a half straight_. She wouldn't even let anyone in to talk to her except for Cana and Master! I don't really care what you said, breaking her heart once was enough to boil my blood, _you did it twice._" Laxus looked like he was feeling appropriately horrified and guilty as I rolled on, "_The only reason I didn't portal snipe you on sight for it is because Master asked me not to."_

Laxus twitched, "Portal…snipe?"

"I can _blow your brain out_ from half a country away," I told him flatly, "I try not to resort to lethal measures like that except in extreme circumstances. Like people making Mira cry. _That's when the friendly face comes off. _But yes," I added, "I remember your mental signature well enough to find you _anywhere, anytime._ And if I can _find you, _I can _kill you._"

"Oh you can huh?!" Laxus demanded as lightning started flickering around him. Then the lightning snuffed itself out and a queasy look of pain crossed his face. I kept a glare on him as my fingers squeezed tighter and he groaned as he doubled up, "Oh god, what did you just do to me?"

"Right now, I've got your entire digestive tract in a light grip," I replied, "I squeeze a bit harder and your lunch comes out whichever exit is most readily available like squeezing a tube of toothpaste. Alternatively, I can squeeze _really _hard or force it to expand and rupture, in which case you get a lovely and extreme case of internal bleeding and go into septic shock. That's a very slow and painful way to go. I can do your _heart and brain_ the same way. Or I could just put you in a coma, or drive you insane, or splatter you like an egg by setting off a building sized explosion inside your chest cavity…"

Bickslow had actually stepped away now and all four of them were looking at me in horror. "What sort of black magic is this?" the guy with the long green hair asked as fear roared through his mind and his hand went to his rapier.

"Right now it's simple garden variety telekinesis," I replied nonchalantly, "Really the number of things I can do to a human body with even the most _basic _magic is astounding. You can relax, I promised Master I won't kill you. Bickslow I am actively excited to see, and you other two I've got no quarrel with. The only reason I'm even putting _you_ in a squeeze Laxus, is because you just admitted to putting out enough murderous intent for an entire city. So, I'm going to ask again: What. Is. Your. _PROBLEM?"_

Laxus didn't have to answer, the question brought his grievances right to the forefront of his mind loud and clear. I riveted everyone else to the ground with my telekinesis while I listened to the memory like a radio show.

A grimace rippled across my face as the scene that was the root of it all finished and knowledge of its impact on the wizard before me nestled into my conscious, "Complete bloody _Viking_ aren't you Laxus?"

He looked up at me in surprise as I released my hold on his intestines, "Huh?"

"Only the strong can belong," I mused, "I read that slogan in a book once, wasn't any good there either." I sighed, "Dumbass. Even the simplest and weakest magic can be overwhelmingly destructive if its user knows what they're doing, but that's not the point of Fairy Tail is it? You shouldn't worry so much about what other people think. Look around you, you have good friends here. You're one of the top members of the most respected wizard guilds in the country, and if the rewards for S-Class quests I've seen are anything to go by, then you're _definitely _not hurting for money. You have a place to come back to and an entire army's worth of people who consider you family, and the only thing you could ever do to fuck that up is try to kill them. You have a _great life._"

I was quiet for a moment as I looked out over Magnolia and a smile quirked up across my face, "I don't think any of you understand just how beautiful this world is. You asked what things were like where I'm from Bickslow? In a word, _HELL._ All magic hidden from the public eye, only one child per wizarding family able to inherit magic and any other children cast aside like trash…The government turns anyone truly exceptional into a lab rat and there's more backstabbing in general wizard society than in _any _royal court. I met a little girl whose father _gave her away _to another wizard whose bloodline was running out of magic as part of a deal for her to be _breeding stock_. She was a _child._ Just a little girl, and her father handed her off to a horrible psycho because he thought she'd be happy to be able to inherit _some _magic. If not for a legitimate _miracle, _then that little girl would've grown up being horribly _raped,_ _on a daily basis,_ by someone who was supposed to be her new **_family!_**"

"And _do you want to know what the central underlying motto of that entire fucking society is?!"_ I asked of nobody in particular as I threw my hands wide. Without even looking, "**We can be stronger! **Our magic can be improved! _Power is the only thing that matters!_"

I folded my hands back behind my back, letting the horror I could hear flooding their minds sink in for a moment before I continued, "You lose a hell of a lot, pursuing power. Morality is usually one of the first things to go. When one person does it, it's bad. When a whole society does it? It's Hell." I kicked my toes into the ground in agitation. I didn't even like _thinking _about what things were like back home, I certainly didn't want to confront the same sort of thinking from _within Fairy Tail_.

I put a hand on my hip, "Honestly Laxus, if you and me were to scrap, I'd about _have_ to kill you to win, that or maim you so viciously it would be only a hair's breadth shy. You'd probably be crippled for life if you survived. You're not someone I can afford to even consider holding back against. As far as raw power goes, I only know of three people on this continent who are as strong as you. It goes up to five and possibly fifteen if we include Alakitasia. Lightning magic is very difficult to counter effectively after all. Of course," I added with a small smile, "Master Precht would _still_ stomp you like a bug. He's on another level altogether."

"Master Precht?" Laxus asked in confusion, "What's the second Master got to do with anything?"

I turned to look at him in surprise, "Weren't you here when we got back from Galuna?"

"No, I left right after I found out Natsu had taken off with an S-Class quest!" Laxus exclaimed, "Are you telling me _Master Precht_ is still alive?! He'd have to be over a hundred years old!"

"A hundred and eighteen and _still_ the strongest wizard I've ever met. Second strongest I've seen," I replied with a small grin, "We also found Gray's adopted brother, sister, niece and mother. You've really been out of the loop haven't you? Did you even hear about Phantom?"

"Phantom?!" Laxus asked in alarm, "You mean Phantom Lord? What about 'em?!"

"_How did you not hear that they tried to start a Guild War?" _I demanded, "We converted two of their top five and humiliated two more! Master beat written confessions out of both of them to use as blackmail material on Phantom and Gray's sister is _Ultear from the Magic Council_. She heard Jose confess the whole thing! I'm surprised Phantom hasn't been forcibly disbanded! Did you even hear that we've got another Wizard Saint now?!"

Laxus's head snapped up, "_WHAT?!"_

I jerked a thumb at my head, "I beat Siegrain's rotten carcass to a pulp, revealed him to be a cult leading psycho when he kidnapped Erza and tried to use her as a virgin sacrifice to revive fucking _Zeref,_ and then I hunted the country's Vulcan population to extinction. I didn't just kick them out of their bodies, I actually _killed them._ They'll never hurt anyone again. Then the whole Council showed up a week ago and said they were givin' me Siegrain's title. I thought for sure Mystogan was gonna get it since he actually saved the council from one of Grimoire Heart's strongest, but apparently the Vulcan thing and beating down Siegrain took the cake on that one," I mused.

Laxus, Bickslow and those other two all looked like I had completely turned the world upside down on them. I shrugged with a grin, "Anyone who thinks we're anything less than the strongest guild on the continent has my full permission to look at what I did to the moon when one of the strongest wizards in the world shot an Etherion cannon at me, and politely _shut the fuck up_."

"THAT WAS YOU?!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Of course it was me!" I replied, "The only other person on hand who could've done that is Erza and she didn't get there until after it happened." Then I smacked my fist into my palm, "Oh! Did you hear that Gildarts is back and turns out Cana is his daughter?"

"**_WHAT?!_**"

I waved a finger at them with a raised eyebrow and an unimpressed look, "Dude, you seriously need to hang out at the Guild more often. This is all _seriously _old news! Did you even hear about our new dragon slayers and us paying off the entire guild's debt?!"

They all four deadpanned at me and Laxus declared flatly, "Ok, now I _know _you're screwing with me."

"I AM NOT!" I protested, "We got an unbelievable haul on that decade quest and used it to pay off the guild's debts!"

Laxus suddenly froze and his eyes went wide, "Decade quest?" He was quiet for a second and then he shot to his feet, "YOU FOUND THE CITY OF GOLD?!"

"EHHHHH?!" Bickslow and the other two exclaimed in surprise.

I made a face, "Seriously, how did you _not _hear about this?" I teleported the morning newspaper from three days ago that I was keeping on my coffee table until I could get it framed to my hand and held it up so he could see the headline: **CITY OF GOLD FOUND!**

I handed it to him and told him flatly, "I want that back when you're done reading, it's my only copy and I _fully _intend to have it framed." I smiled as Laxus sat down to read with his friends immediately looking over his shoulder, all thoughts of causing an upset at the festival completely driven from their minds as they tried to process the arsenal of bombshells I'd just dropped on them. _Well, that's ONE crisis averted._

**…**

* * *

**...**

**The Next Day**

**...**

* * *

**…**

We'd finished putting the stage together and between Gajeel and Laki, the trappings for a curtain at the back of it had been raised. What looked like half the men in Magnolia were crowded into the open area which would be the main hall, all eagerly awaiting the start of the contest. Natsu, Happy, Gray, Gajeel, Elfman, Gildarts and Dimaria were sitting with me on a large card I'd set hovering over the crowd. Technically we could've all just muscled our way to one of the tables, but with such a crowd we'd certainly have had to stand on it to get a good view. At a signal from Max with the broom, who was wearing a purple suit with a red bow tie like a gameshow host, I threw up a dimmer spell over the ceiling and where the walls would be, leaving only a single hole to act as a spotlight as Max whooshed onto the stage in a localized sandstorm.

He was apparently the guild's go to announcer, and with his complete lack of stage fright it was clear why as he declared into his microphone, "The long wait is finally over ladies and gentlemen! _WELCOME_ to the Miss Fairy Tail Contest, where your favorite fairies fight in a battle of beauty! I'm Max Alors, sand wizard extraordinaire, and I'll be your host for this exciting event! Now let's meet contestant number one! The exotic beauty who will drink you under the table any day of the week, the daughter of our ace in the hole… _Cana Clive!_"

Cana stepped onto the stage and I adjusted the spotlight to fall on her as Max cheered, "Now bust out some magic and show us your stuff!" Cana smirked and drew her deck of cards. A simple flick of her wrist sent them flying in a storm that obscured her from view as Max narrated, "She's sent her deck spinning! What could she be doing behind all those cards?"

A burst of white light later and Cana was striking a pose in a green and brown bikini with a look that set my pulse hammering (along with every other man in the room except for Gildarts I'm sure). She grinned in the most sultry sexy way that would've turned me into a pile of mush as Max cheered, "She changed into a swimsuit!"

"The prize money can cover my tab," she explained before strutting off the stage, only pausing to shoot either me or Gildarts a look and blow a kiss in our direction with a wink. I think it was aimed at me because Gildarts felt the need to reach over and snatch it out of the air. I know Cana saw that and the slightly annoyed look I shot him because she was laughing as she left the stage. I directed my gaze back to her and as my gaze was drawn where any man's would, I was reminded of a song, _Hate to see her go, BUT LORD TO WATCH HER LEAVE…_

Then Max exclaimed, "On to Entry Number Two! She may be new to the guild but her magic is S-Class! A radiant beauty in rain or shine, _Juvia Lockser!"_

I snapped open the spotlight on her and almost jumped off the card in surprise as Gray suddenly cheered at the top of his lungs, "JUVIAAA!" Everyone else on the card looked at him like he was out of his mind as Juvia giggled and suddenly dissolved into a wave of water, conveniently missing the way Natsu and Gajeel promptly shoved him off the card with matching evil grins.

The wall of water evaporated before it could reach the edge of the stage and, "And the lovely lady is all set for a fabulous day at the beach!"

I didn't get to see Juvia strut off because I was busy trying to hold Gray still with my telekinesis to keep him from starting a fight while Gajeel and Natsu sniggered at him. I hauled him back up and set him back in his seat as I hissed, _"Fight later, for now enjoy the show!"_

Gray fumed and made several violent little gestures at Gajeel and Natsu but kept his peace for the moment as Max announced, "And next up is Entry Number 3, Fairy Tail's famous centerfold! Her beauty has captured the hearts of men and women across the land! _MIRAJANE!_" He sprang out of the way to reveal Mira smiling and waving in her usual floor length pink dress. No matter how many times I saw her in it, she still had me instantly.

I clearly wasn't the only one if the way the crowd was _immediately _raising the roof was anything to go by. It was only my absolute surety in her affection that kept me from wanting to start busting heads and _keep _busting heads until none of them ever again _dared _look at her with the lecherous thoughts I knew were filling their heads. I was suddenly _very _glad we'd talked about it ahead of time, because that was the only thing keeping my head level right then.

Max prompted her to demonstrate her magic and she told the crowd with a smile, "My specialty is transformation magic, so I'm going to let you all see a new side of me, or rather…an old one." She added with a wink before folding her hands in front of her and closing her eyes. Every hair on my body stood on end as an absolute _eruption _of magic power surged forth and a HUGE dark purple magic seal formed over her head. A voice that I knew was Mira's but at the same time _sooo _much more…just sinful, decadent, and _so _erotic echoed around the room like an ice cube down my spine, "_Satan Soul…"_

A burst of light later and I wasn't quite sure who or maybe _what _I was seeing in the suddenly purple light and roiling mist. It took me a second to realize that the gorgeous woman, no _the succubus_ on stage was my sweet Mira. Her hair was defying gravity and her pink dress had turned into a skin tight red one piece with a high jagged collar that was open all the way down to her navel. Her hands were clad in fearsome looking clawed gauntlets and she had on high heeled boots that went all the way up to her thigh, hugging every inch of those long perfect legs. What looked like a crack but might've been a jagged scar of some sort marred the side of her face, but it didn't hinder her looks in the slightest. No, as she drew a heart in the air with her index fingers of flickering darkness and pinkish purple flames, I wasn't sure if I had ever been more aroused in my life.

Then she turned to leave the stage, she looked over her shoulder and made eye contact with me. She smiled the most seductive '_follow me, bed's this way_' grin I could ever have hoped to see and then she shot me a kiss right through the center of the heart she'd drawn. It bowled me over so thoroughly that it's a wonder I didn't go off the card backwards. The only reason I didn't is because Gajeel and Dimaria caught me before I could _completely _faint with hearts in my eyes.

I was snapped out of it by Max laughing, "Ohhh my! It appears the She-devil's snatched at least one soul today if the hearts are anything to go by!" I was suddenly _acutely _aware that I'd accidentally manifested over a dozen glowing pink hearts that were floating in the air around us. Very, very _big _glowing pink hearts, and the entire crowd was laughing at me. I promptly snuffed them out and turned myself invisible to hide the way I was glowing as red as Erza's hair in embarrassment. The fainting thing was bad enough, _power incontinence manifesting holograms based on my emotions?! THIS WAS TOO MUCH!_

Max chuckled as I moved the spotlight back over, "Moving on to Entry Number Four! The Fairy Queen herself who needs no introduction…" Erza promptly leapt onto the stage to land in her own spotlight, pulling off two very impressive midair somersaults before landing with that firm imperious look that was honestly _very _fetching, "…ERZA SCARLET!"

The crowd went almost as nuts as they had for Mira and Erza grinned, "Let me show you a Requip you don't get to see every day…" A whirlwind of pink energy later and her standard armor and skirt had been swapped out for a _very _cute black dress and leggings that highlighted her breasts by means of exposing the white button down beneath the dress. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and if you didn't _know _she could beat an entire army's collective ass by herself, that sweet innocent smile would _not _give it away. Then she flashed a grin almost as hot as Mira's and a wink to the crowd, which prompted an utterly thunderous roar of approval before she left the stage.

I looked over in surprise as I heard Dimaria cheering too. She blushed when she realized I was smiling and then looked back at the stage, "Well, um…it's right to cheer for my friends isn't it?" I nodded and turned my attention back to the stage as well.

"And now, Entry Number 5! Petite and cute, this fairy is as smart as she is charming! Let's hear it for Levy McGarden!" Jet and Droy immediately cheered at the top of their lungs from the front row and I grinned as Gajeel sat forward in immediate interest. Levy struck a cute pose like she wanted to give everybody a hug, which was quite fitting. She is definitely a hugger.

"Lemme show you my Solid Script!" Levy swept her hands up and out with that huge grin and half a dozen words materialized around her, Snow, Butterfly, Metal, Flower, Fire and Shine. Jet and Droy were once again audible as they cheered along with Dimaria and much of the crowd. Meanwhile, Gajeel actually looked slightly put out. I elbowed him gently, "She's probably savin' the bikini for you."

Gajeel looked at me in surprise and then grinned, "Gihihi, ya think?" I grinned back, "Go get 'em lover boy." Gajeel could _not_ have looked prouder of himself if you'd inflated his ego with a pump.

"Entry Number Six! The sniper with her sights set on your heart, the one and only Bisca Mulan!" Bisca was a very well built woman with long wavy green hair. She hadn't bothered with a pre-bikini outfit and had instead simply strutted out in her purple bikini. She gave a smug little smile and raised a hand to show four coins. She grinned and threw them into the air, "And now it's Requip time! _The Gunner._"

A freaking _rifle _appeared in her hand and in an instant, she'd aimed and fired, blasting a hole dead through the center of all four coins. She caught them as they fell neatly back into her hand and spread her fingers to show the four freshly shot through coins with a huge grin and pride oozing off every inch of her, "Yeehaw!"

My jaw dropped at the sheer _skill _displayed in that instant, "Holy crap!" I didn't even hesitate to clap as she strutted off the stage with her gun over her shoulder, "Never seen anybody that could shoot like that. I don't think I could do that with Archive!"

"Entry Number Seven! Fairy Tail's rising star, _Lucy!_" In between blinks, Lucy suddenly appeared on the stage in the spotlight and I feel certain my eyes were _not _the only ones that bugged straight the hell out of their sockets. She was wearing her combat suit, so that alone was worth looking at, but I'd be buggered sideways if I hadn't just seen some space-time fuckery at work! _"When the hell did she learn how to teleport?!"_

Dimaria leaned over as Lucy blew out a cloud of snow like a kiss that drifted down on top of the audience, "It was at the Tower, she started doing it when we were fighting that pink haired woman. She's not actually teleporting, she says it's almost like time is slowing to a crawl around her. Honestly, I'm kinda jealous. That kind of gift naturally? If I wasn't sure we were meant to be friends before, I _definitely _am now that I know Lord Kronos favors her like that."

I raised an eyebrow, "Come again? Kronos?"

Dimaria nodded, "The God of Time. Lucy's magic messes with the flow of time, so she's clearly favored by him."

I nodded, "I see. That's…very interesting!" Interesting nothing, that was _incredible! _Lucy had _TIME MAGIC?!_

Entry number eight was that girl that had been with Laxus and Bickslow. Evergreen, I think Max said her name was. She wasn't bad looking. If you were into the hot librarian look, she was actually even rather attractive. Objectively I can acknowledge that she's good looking, but she just presses _none _of my buttons. Oh well, I'm sure nobody minds. Especially if that faint blush on Elfman when she swapped into a zebra striped bikini and let her hair down was anything to go by. To each their own!

She made a storm of what looked like basically glitter and flew out over the crowd to shower them in it before floating back down to the stage before strolling off back behind the curtain.

"Let's have a big hand for 'em everybody!" Max cheered, "Now, while the votes are cast and tallied, a special announcement from Master Makarov!" He slid to the side and presented the microphone to Master as Master stepped into the spotlight.

Master cleared his throat and smiled, "Good morning everyone! I hope you're enjoying the show. Now this year we're having two special surprise shows! First, this evening, in response to the numerous questions we've fielded regarding the Decade Quest to find Mattachu, the City of Gold, the team which undertook that quest has put together a special little something which they call a motion picture. Between the end of our other show and the parade, we will be showing this motion picture which is a near perfect recording of the events that transpired on that quest, woven together seamlessly to deliver the maximum amount of enjoyment for our beloved fans, and will feature a look at the city of gold itself, as well as the great battle that unfolded on their way home!"

That got an excited wave of muttering and exclamations as it sank in, then Master continued, "And our second event, a little more rooted in the here and now, I now turn over the microphone to my grandson our infamous S-Class wizard, Laxus."

He handed the mic up to Laxus as Laxus stepped into the spotlight with a grin. I sat forward, my interest immediately piqued. The movie of the Mattachu job had been my idea, but I hadn't heard anything about Laxus having a plan for something. Other than whatever harebrained nonsense he'd had in his head last night, but I was pretty sure the thought of having his intestines obliterated and the reveal of everything he'd apparently had his head up his ass for had shaken that out of him.

Laxus smiled as he looked out at the crowd, "For a long time now, I've been, _overly concerned_ you could say, with maintaining our guild's reputation as the best and strongest. I admit, I've been a jerk about it. Now I'd like to offer my congratulations to the entire guild, you've all proven that I was worried about nothing. Fairy Tail is the greatest guild in Fiore and I think anyone who tries to dispute now that is a complete and utter idiot."

The audience applauded and I heard several guild members cheer the notion. Laxus let the applause die down and then, "Now something our guild is pretty famous for is our fighting chops, and we prove it on a daily basis with our Guild Hall Brawls. I don't think you can say you've visited Fairy Tail until you've gotten caught up in one, but since I'm sure you good people don't feel like fighting us or getting caught in the cross fire, today we're having a very special event! Sixteen wizards, handpicked by myself and Master Makarov, are going to have a tournament of strength and magic in one on one fights. Since we need a pretty good prize for such a show, and since I'll be competing as well, whoever wins gets a _guaranteed spot in this year's S-Class trials!_ **_How's that sound to ya huh?!_**"

There was an eruption of excitement at that and I admit, I was rarin' to go myself since I had just a teensy little sneaking suspicion that Laxus had gotten my name into that bracket. Then Laxus cleared his throat, "For anyone wondering, we're not including any female wizards in this because over half the guys would go down without a fight…" A pretty generous wave of laughter answered that and Laxus continued, "And for the safety of the audience, _no_ we are not including Gildarts or Master Makarov in this. Also, the Guild Hall is halfway rebuilt and we don't want it getting knocked back completely flat by Gildarts going overboard."

The whole crowd laughed and I shot Gildarts a grin as he pouted. Laxus raised his hand and purple light erupted in the middle of the crowd outlining a ring, "Now if everyone will please clear the ring...

_**IT'S TIME FOR THE BATTLE OF FAIRY TAIL!"**_

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**NEXT TIME **_**on Mad Little Slice of Heaven...**_

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_I grinned at Gajeel, "Looks like we're getting that rematch huh?"_

_Gajeel just grinned, "Gihi. Count on it."_

_"DON'T JUST ACT LIKE WE'RE NOT HERE!" the half dozen other wizards on our side of the bracket who we'd have to beat to meet in the semifinals roared._


	46. Ch41: The Battle of Fairy Tail

AN: _Ok everybody, update time!_

_Due to work constraints at my new job, updating is going to monthly rather than the biweekly schedule I had been hoping for._

_I sincerely despise having to make this decision, but given that I'll be working 12 hour days most days for at least the next few months and have hardly been able to write at all this last two weeks, I feel it is probably the right one._

**_Honestly given how July has been going and how August is shaping up, I may not be able to get enough time or energy to have a post ready for next month. I'm going to apologize in advance because I know it's very likely that I won't have another chapter ready until September at the earliest._**

_..._

**_For those of you thinking this sounds familiar, you're right. I'm removing Chapter 40.5 and rolling it into the beginning of this chapter as it was originally meant to be. For those of you who already read Chapter 40.5, scroll down to the section break and pick up from there._**

_..._

_And now Reviewer Replies!_

**Beruit:** _No, Laxus legitimately had NO IDEA about what had happened over the preceding two months. He's been nowhere near Fairy Tail since Mira kicked his ass and he hasn't been paying attention to the news. On top of that, the Thunder Legion were going out of their way to keep him away from anything that might make him think about the guild and set him off. Even prior to that, he wasn't really paying attention to what the 'losers' were up to. He knew about the moon thing, but he thought Gildarts did it. He hadn't seen Gildarts when he came back in after the Galuna Incident, and Mira confronted him almost immediately, so he was gone flying on Air Fist before he had time to realize Gildarts was back or hear any of the latest news. Basically he hasn't properly interacted with the guild since right before the Galuna Incident and thus was actually COMPLETELY clueless about recent events. You might be thinking that the Thunder Legion would've updated him, but they took off to find him the instant they found out Mira blasted him. As for the job, it's going quite well but there is quite a lot to be done. I got off early today, but that's because I'd already worked 50 hours this week, and this may well be the last weekend I have off until sometime around Halloween._

**NightBlood5404:** _Yep, Laxus has had sense talked into him. The knowledge that he'd be facing off against a ROYALLY pissed off Gildarts if he tried to cause trouble helps as well. Thank you for the well wishes, I hope to have a chapter that'll blow EVERYONE'S minds ready for next month's update._

**Guest:** _Erza Jerry and Ultear have a threesome you say? Why yes, I DO think that's an exceptionally distinct possibility! Oh you meant Natsu Lucy and Lisanna? Mmm...yeah, my answer's still the same._

**itsme**: _Glad you like! I've only got the first half of round one done right now, but it only gets better from here!_

**Donumah: **_Glad you're enjoying!_

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**Chapter 41: The Battle of Fairy Tail**

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My eyes quickly scanned the bracket as it appeared on all four sides of the ring and with a snap of my fingers I teleported all fifteen of us down to the stage next to Laxus. I grinned at Gajeel, "Looks like we're gettin' that rematch huh?"

Gajeel just grinned, "Gihi. Count on it."

"DON'T JUST ACT LIKE WE'RE NOT HERE!" the other half dozen wizards on our side of the bracket who we'd have to beat to meet in the semifinals roared.

Gajeel and I looked over at them and I quirked an eyebrow up with and then an evil grin slid across my face, "Oh yeah. _Forgot about you._" The minor aura of Terror I was bathing them in probably had something to do with the way they looked like they were all suddenly about to shit themselves. Bickslow had a bit of an advantage over the others since his visor covered half his face. Points to the guy with the long green hair and rapier who I'd learned was Levy's friend Freed, he had one heck of a poker face. The only indication of his terror was the fact that he was white as a sheet.

Laxus laughed, "C'mon guys, man up! All ya gotta do is beat 'em! Now then, first match! Bickslow vs Warren! Into the ring you two!"

Bickslow and Warren quickly leapt off the stage and headed for the ring through the wide berth the crowd immediately parted to give them.

In a purely physical fight, or even most magical fights, I would've put my money on Bickslow. Bickslow is actually a little bit _bigger _than Gajeel, and I could tell at a glance that the magic reinforcing that massive form was top notch. On top of that, if he was anything like Cousin Rick, then he was _stupidly_ quick and agile on top of that immense reach. Add to that his eye magic and whatever those miniature floating tiki heads of his were, and it was clearly a winning combination.

If he'd been fighting anyone other than Warren, I'd have considered it an obviously lopsided fight and might have even accused Laxus of a little bit of favoritism. It had to be considered though that Warren's a more skilled telepath than I am, and he's extremely adept at using that in combat. In all the times I'd seen him involved in the Guild Hall brawls, I don't think I'd ever actually seen him take a direct hit. There was that one time he got brained from behind with a random bottle, and he'd gotten caught in Natsu's explosions more than once, but one on one? In a fist fight? Even by Fairy Tail's admittedly absurd standard, he was no slouch.

Master stepped into the ring between then to act as referee, I'm not sure where he got the black and white striped shirt, but I'm guessing Requip. Master extended his hand with his magic, "Readyyy…?" Bickslow had his totems arrayed in a row above his head, and Warren settled into a low stance, angled forward.

I nodded, Bickslow's totems were best at long range. Warren's telepathy was more useful at close range, and Bickslow's totems would have a harder time firing at him if he was right on top of Bickslow. Getting close was the best option available to Warren unless he had some kind of long distance magic, which to the best of my knowledge he didn't.

Master's hand snapped back, "FIGHT!"

Warren took off like a shot, darting straight forward and twisting around the volley of lasers that blazed out to intercept him. Bickslow lashed out with his right and Warren turned his headlong charge into a homerun skid that took him right under Bickslow's punch. Warren spun and swept Bickslow's feet out from under him, only for Bickslow to catch a boost from one of his totems which immediately launched him clear as the other four opened fire on the suddenly wide open Warren. A blaze of green light later Master blew a whistle, "Bickslow is the winner!"

The next fight was Gajeel against a particularly immense and muscular guy with blue hair and no shirt named Joey Fullborn. I'd never seen him display any particular magic during the brawls, but I knew he wound up wrestling Elfman a lot. So given the obvious raw strength that implied and the brass knuckles, I actually thought he might give Gajeel a good match.

And he did!

…at first.

The fists flew hard and fast, Gajeel was clearly holding his magic in reserve for our match and was going purely hand to hand. That's the only reason the fight dragged out for almost five minutes. As far as hand to hand purely went, Joey was actually Gajeel's approximate equal. He favored a boxing approach, but damn if he didn't have the hand speed to back it up! I raised an eyebrow as I saw Gajeel actually blocking and dodging almost as many shots as he threw with none of his own seemingly making contact.

Then Joey actually landed a direct hit to Gajeel's face. It wasn't a light hit either, he actually had the full telegraphed wind up, but he'd actually managed to force a hole in Gajeel's guard big enough for it to connect. On anyone else, it probably would've been a knock out blow, especially given the way he suddenly _doubled _in sheer bulk and muscle mass when he hauled back. His technique was extremely good, it was perfectly timed and distanced, and it should've knocked Gajeel flying. The impact was packing enough force and magic to actually generate a (relatively) minor shockwave.

If Gajeel wasn't Gajeel, it probably would've knocked him staggering and then an absolute beat down would've ensued.

Unfortunately for Joey though, Gajeel is _Gajeel_, and Gajeel weighs about double what even a big guy like him should (and he _looks _like he should weigh almost three hundred pounds of pure muscle), with durability comparable to the metal he eats. It would be easier to punch down a building than Gajeel.

Props to Joey though, Gajeel actually _was_ scooted back into a defensive stance, which means that even though Gajeel's guard didn't falter for an instant, that punch Joey threw probably _would _have knocked down a building. Joey laid into him anyway, actually kicking up a fairly decent wind as he hammered away at Gajeel's guard, those monster grade punches firing like pistons for almost thirty seconds straight at what Archive clocked as five punches a second.

Then as his barrage ended, Joey sprang back, suddenly looking _extremely _nervous as Gajeel wrinkled his nose in irritation. Gajeel straightened up, dropped his guard, pushed one nostril closed and blew out a wad of blood. Then he did the same thing for the other side. He wiggled his nose experimentally with his fingers to make sure it wasn't broken and then nodded.

Everyone was staring as he looked up at Joey and then before anyone could realize he was moving, he sprang across the ring and planted his boot in Joey's gut. Time seemed to slow down as Joey crumpled like a tin can around Gajeel's kick. His feet came off the ground, his eyes went wide… and then time switched back to normal and he slammed into the magical wall of the ring so hard he bounced back at Gajeel, colliding face first with Gajeel's fist.

Poor Joey's feet kept going. His momentum was enough that he actually did a complete vertical one eighty and landed sprawled on his face, completely unconscious. Gajeel raised his fist with a grin and I'm _certain _that was Levy and Juvia I heard all but screaming with delight as the crowd went nuts and Makarov declared him the winner.

I noticed Elfman's eyes bugging slam out next to me, "MAN THAT WAS MANLY!"

I patted him on the shoulder with a grin, "Don't worry bro, he's on the wrong side of the bracket to fight you."

"_I'M NOT SCARED!"_ Elfman protested.

I grinned and waved his protest away, "I know, I know. I was pointing out that you have to worry about beating _Laxus_ first."

Elfman immediately went pale, "Oh yeah…"

I laughed and Gray grinned, "Don't worry Elfman, I'll make sure Laxus doesn't kick your ass."

"Oh yeah?" Elfman asked, "How's that?"

Gray just pointed to the bracket with a shit eating grin, "I'll kick your ass before Laxus can."

Elfman's head whipped around and he remembered that Gray was his first opponent, "WHY YOU LITTLE…"

I stopped paying attention at that point because the next fight was starting. Alzack against Laxus and Bickslow's buddy Freed. I'd heard good things about Freed from Levy, and his magic was the strongest of Laxus's three sidekicks, so I was quite interested to see what he could do.

Then Alzack whipped out a revolver. My eyes went wide as I saw the hammer fall.

Then I blinked, _No blood? What…_ Then my gaze zeroed in on the purple symbols snaked up Freed's forearm, _Some kind of defense spell?_

Alzack looked nervous. Freed said something I couldn't hear and calmly drew his sword. He didn't bother to raise it, he just let its tip drag along the ground behind him throwing up crackles of dark purple energy as he advanced. Alzack fired as fast as he could, but Freed's defensive shield just deflected everything in little bursts of dark purple. Alzack kept shooting, but Freed was steadily advancing, and I couldn't help but grimace as I realized he was steadily backing Alzack into a corner. Alzack noticed too and got out of the corner, but that only delayed the inevitable as Freed menacingly stalked around the arena behind him.

It was probably the longest fight of the entire tournament, but only because Freed wasn't bothering to put on the speed and was just _slooowly_ following Alzack around the ring, calmly letting his shield do all the work. Then we found out why Freed was letting the tip of his sword drag across the ground as a trap of purple symbols erupted and paralyzed Alzack when he backed into it. Freed calmly laid his sword on Alzack's shoulder with a grin and Master declared him the winner.

As I headed for the ring, I couldn't help but note that Freed had won apparently effortlessly while not displaying _anything _of his abilities beyond the shield and trap laying. I guess he'd gathered enough about my reputation to know that giving me any sort of advance warning about his abilities was a bad idea. _Unfortunately,_ I mused, _a lot of my abilities are **very **well known._ I grinned as I squared up against Jet, _Oh well, it'll make for a good challenge._

Master yanked his hand from between us, "FIGHT!" and Jet's fists bounced off my face forty times in the next five seconds. Then he sprang back as I realized he had been punching me. Jet looked like he was about to soil himself as he realized that his punches were _waaay _too light to hurt me.

I raised my eyebrow at him with a supremely unimpressed look, "_Please_ tell me you can hit harder than that."

Jet looked horrified for a second, then he got angry. "YOU WANT HARD?! FINE! HERE COMES MY SUPERSONIC BULLET KICK! TRY TO SHRUG THIS OFF YOU LEVY STEALING BASTARD!" He started glowing with all the power he had and I could tell, he was giving this next shot everything he had.

That was _completely_ irrelevant to me though, because his words had just registered with me and I couldn't help it.

I laughed my _ass off._

I was actually doubled up laughing over the sheer _absurdity _of it. Levy is adorable and while very sweet and attractive, she is still very much like a sister to me. I was laughing so hard I almost missed Jet flying by straight over my head and unintentionally turning himself into a human pinball. The sight of him flying around bouncing off the walls screaming in a panic from _his own blundered ultimate move_ only made me laugh harder.

I kinda feel bad about it in retrospect, but at the same time, no I don't because it was the most hilarious victory I've ever enjoyed. Finally I managed to catch my breath, and I stood up and caught him out of the air by the collar. "Okay, okay," I panted, still grinning from ear to ear, "Listen Jet, I'm dating Mira and Cana, I'm not looking at Levy. Bro code and all that. Now then, thank you for the entertainment, that was the hardest I've laughed in quite a while. That said," I grinned as I raised my fingers to snap in front of him, "_Good night."_ ZONK! went the Sleep Magic.

I grinned as I dragged Jet out of the arena, "We hope you enjoyed the comedy portion of our show!"

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After that came a one sided…it couldn't really be called a fight…between Laxus and Droy. Poor Droy never stood a chance. Laxus blasted him right out of the gate so hard he wet himself when he lost consciousness.

Someone started to laugh, then Laxus proved he really did care about even our comparatively weaker members by sparking up an aura of lightning and throwing a death glare that would've knocked a dragon stone cold dead into the audience, "Did I hear something just now?" There was absolutely _no_ laughter as Laxus picked Droy up and carried him out of the ring to lay next to Jet.

Then Laxus straightened up and turned around as Max announced the next fight. "Our most experienced fire mage versus our most infamous, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the battle of the blaze! MACAO CONBOLT VERSUS NATSU DRAGNEEL!"

I swapped a glance with Gajeel, then we both looked at Laxus. "I thought you said these were supposed to be _fights?_" Gajeel asked, "The closest thing I've seen to one was _my _match, and I wasn't using any magic at all."

Laxus didn't take his eyes from the ring, "If you think Macao's going to go down that easily, then you've clearly never worked with him. This is actually one of the fights I've been looking forward to."

Gajeel and I swapped a glance again and then our gazes were riveted to the ring as Natsu and Macao stepped in. Natsu looked about as confident in his victory as Gajeel and I had been until we asked Laxus. It was a no brainer right? Macao's magic was fire and Natsu was completely _immune _to fire, hell, it makes him _stronger._ On top of that, Natsu's physically an absolute _monster._ The guy throws around monsters twenty times his size and weight like they're pillows! A single serious punch from him would be enough to hospitalize or outright _kill_ an ordinary person.

Then Master raised his hand and Natsu got _immediately_ smacked into the edge of the ring. I'm sure Gajeel's eyes bugged out, I _know _mine did.

It took me a second to realize Macao had broken the floor apart with his flames and was using the stone to fight with.

Macao twitched a finger and another chunk of the stone floor ripped free of the ground on a tendril of Macao's weird purple flames to smack Natsu again as Natsu came flying back. Natsu stammered for a second and then Macao crouched and laid a hand to the floor with a grin. The entire guild hall shook lightly as suddenly the entire floor around him erupted with purple fire, then Natsu was bombarded with what looked like several tons of stone flying at him like a barrage of cannonballs.

As ridiculously impressive as it was, Natsu's own flames ignited and burned bright as his fists flew. I couldn't see Natsu through the flames as he beat the stone barrage to pieces, but in seconds he'd reduced Macao's bombardment to pebbles and dust. Before he could press his advantage, Macao snatched him up by the foot with a tendril of purple flame by the scruff of his neck and whirled him around the ring, slamming him into the rune wall again and again, bouncing him off the floor every fourth or fifth impact.

I kept waiting for Natsu to eat the flames and go after Macao, but a few seconds into the rag dolling, I realized something. Natsu might be able to eat fire and become stronger, but in order to eat _anything_, **he had to get his mouth to it first.** With Macao having him by the back of the neck, the only way Natsu would be able to devour the flames flinging him around like it was nothing would be to turn his own head around a hundred and eighty degrees. Something about that tactic rang a bell, but I couldn't pin it down right away and wasn't too worried about it.

Within a minute, Macao had beaten Natsu black and blue and was yanking stone into the air with his purple flames to encase Natsu in a solid prison of stone held together by purple flames that didn't go anywhere near Natsu's face. The entire crowd stared in stunned silent shock as Macao finished.

"**IIIIIIINCREDIBLE!"** Max howled, "MACAO HAS BEATEN AND CAPTURED NATSU WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO TAKE A SINGLE STEP!"

As Master raised his hand to call the fight, Macao took his eyes off Natsu, turned to raise his fists to the crowd with a victorious grin…and that saved his life.

**BOOM!** With a sound like cannon fire, Natsu erupted in blinding flames that made me _profoundly _glad Laxus had the foresight to make a magic wall for the ring. If he hadn't, the heat and stone shrapnel from Natsu breaking loose would almost certainly have killed someone.

Macao went ghostly pale as the sound of a drain unclogging followed the deafening explosion. If he hadn't been turned away from it, he would've been blinded, stunned and unable to dodge. As was, he took off into the air like a rocket just barely avoided Natsu's fist as it crashed through the space where he'd been a moment earlier blazing white hot. My eyes went wide, _If that had connected it would've gone right through him!_

"WHITE FLAMES?!" Macao demanded, "SINCE WHEN COULD YOU DO THAT?!"

Natsu's only reply was a roar as he turned and shot upward on a burst of fire. Macao narrowly dodged and I felt my heart seize in terror as I realized something was very, _very _wrong. That wasn't Natsu's battle cry, and that wasn't how Natsu moves when he fights.

I don't know when my feet started moving, but a split second later Gajeel and I were barreling towards the ring, and some part of me registered Lucy charging towards the ring too. The others were behind us, I think Laxus was yelling at us. Something along the lines of don't interfere with the fight? I don't know and didn't care. One thing I did know, and the instant I caught sight of Natsu's face as he bounced off the ceiling back down at Macao like a meteor, was that Natsu _was completely unconscious._

He wasn't fighting anymore, Macao had somehow managed to completely KO him, and he was still fighting. The only thought on my mind? _Berserker._

Suddenly the battle at Mattachu made terrible sense. I should've realized it then, Natsu was a natural born berserker. Tough as nails to begin with, but the instant he was pushed past his breaking point, insane fury took over and drove him to absolutely _destroy _the enemy no matter what… and with that insane drive came ridiculous amounts of power. _Mad Enhancement, _I thought, some part in the back of my mind trying to calculate the degree of difference between his usual strength and the out of control monster on display now, because that would also tell me just how hard it was going to be to get our fire munching idiot back, _D… C… no…that's at least B rank. _

Then I passed through the arena wall and felt the heat coming off Natsu. My gut immediately clenched in horror, _Oh shit…EX…_ Normally even the strongest Berserkers would only get about a ten percent boost. Whatever Natsu's current power was, it was _so far _beyond a measly hundred and ten percent of his usual. I activated Meteor and time slowed down enough that I could get a good look at Natsu through the flames. His eyes were seeing, but it couldn't have been any clearer that Natsu wasn't home. _Are those scales?_

Rather than waste time wondering what the hell was going on, I torqued a full body punch into Natsu's face that stopped his forward motion. I felt myself go pale as I saw that it had only stopped him, and only just barely at that! A punch at that speed should've either cut him a flip around it or sent him flying backwards!

I shoved with my telekinesis and hurled him backwards. Gajeel tried to bind him with iron as he seemed to slow down even beyond what Meteor usually did to my perception of time. It took me a second to realize that Lucy was trying to restrain him with her time magic, but by the time that clicked, Natsu flared almost blindingly bright, reduced Gajeel's chains to molten slag and was suddenly in motion again and _RIGHT IN MY FACE OH SHIT!_

I teleported and narrowly dodged the punch that would've caved my face in. I moved only a second before the others got to him and I was profoundly glad I had. Gray, Juvia, Lucy and Dimaria all four _unloaded _on him with snow and ice and water and the entire ring was filled with steam. For a moment, everything was still, then Gray asked, "Did it work?"

Natsu's reply was another feral _roar _of fury as his entire body erupted in white hot flames that blew away the steam in a superheated rush of air…

I instinctively activated Blackout Mode as the overwhelming rush of magic power radiating off Natsu at the same rate as the heat beat at my senses, _Holy **crap** when did he get as strong as Ajeel?!_

I teleported everyone back behind me and braced for impact…

Then with a loud **_THUMP_**, Natsu collapsed forward, toppling to the ground and faceplanting, properly unconscious this time. Gildarts was standing behind him with one steaming fist extended from where he'd just bopped Natsu into submission and a confused and stunned look on his face.

Silence reigned for a moment and then Gildarts looked up at us, "Ok, I know I've been gone for a while, but since when could Natsu do _that?_"

It took Archive approximately sixty seconds to calculate the amount of power required to knock out a berserk Natsu that easily. I didn't even have to consciously think about it. Archive did it automatically. _I _automatically wished it hadn't because the answer was more terrifying than the thought of a berserk Natsu in a room full of civilians.

Gajeel was the one to notice my expression and immediately demanded with a look of growing panic, "What's that face?! He's not about to get up again is he?!"

I blinked at him in shock and it honestly took a second for his question to process, then I blinked again and turned my gaze on Natsu. "No, he's out cold. I won't even have to sedate him. What scared me was that I just figured out how much power Gildarts is actually _packing._"

Gajeel blinked at me in surprise and then he went pale as he realized what my reaction said about it, "Oh shit…"

"How much?" Gray asked curiously.

"Siegfried," I stated simply.

Everyone who understood that recoiled in horror, "THAT MUCH?!" Lucy demanded.

"Yep_…_" I whispered as I looked at the…_titan_ in the ring with us. I turned and strode out of the ring rubbing my temples as Archive strained to answer the question that I should've asked the instant I saw Siegfried: _How can a human body withstand that insane amount of power?!_

I completely zoned out through the next two fights trying to figure it out. I know, I should pay more attention, but watching a guy who can turn into smoke beat the stuffings out of a guy who can turn his hand into a metal dog sculpture and seeing round number who cares of Elfman vs Gray just really weren't that interesting to me anymore. Figuring out how to replicate the strength of one of the strongest people I'd met since the Holy Grail War? _Vastly _more interesting.

I didn't zone back in until the ring started roaring with explosions. My gaze snapped to the ring and I saw Bickslow absolutely _unloading _on Gajeel. I couldn't actually see Gajeel through the flashing lights and dust flying everywhere, but I could sense him right in the middle of where those lasers were landing. "Are you even gonna try to fight back or just stand there?!" Bickslow demanded.

Then suddenly the ring erupted with mist to the point that nobody could possibly have seen into it. "You think a smoke screen's gonna help you?" Bickslow laughed as the explosions kept flying, "Sorry buddy, but that don't work on me!"

"Yeah, I know," Gajeel replied, "That's ta keep that freaky Eye Magic of yers from hurtin' anybody while I kick yer ass." Then he started moving forward, casually just outright _ignoring_ the explosions as he strode across the ring.

Bickslow could clearly still see him, because he started backpedaling immediately as he realized his lasers and explosions were having absolutely _zero _effect on Gajeel, "Oh shit!"

"Ya can take it like a man or I can light this entire ring up!" Gajeel declared as he turned to effortlessly follow Bickslow through the fog. An impact rang out and Gajeel was clearly grinning, "That's more like it!" I couldn't see the blow that bounced Bickslow off the wall about ten feet up, but going by the way he just kind of _slumped _off it and fell flat face first on the ground? I'd say it was an instant KO.

Gajeel cleared his fog away and Master confirmed it, "The winner is Gajeel!"

Gajeel hauled Bickslow out of the ring as Master announced, "The next fight will be Jerry vs Freed! Come on down boys! Try to make this one a little bit less lopsided!"

"I'll try," Freed and I chorused before swapping a glance and grinning as we made our way to the ring.

Master quickly extracted his hand from between us and Freed drew his rapier. His eye blazed purple from behind his hair, "Dark Ecriture.._._" I teleported to the side and the arc of dark purple magic sailed harmlessly past me. _"…Haste!"_ Then I felt the tip of Freed's rapier jam itself into my gut at a speed way faster than it should've been. If it weren't for the magic reinforcing my body, that would've been a _lot _worse than the teeny little nick he left me with as the force of his full body magic accelerated thrust knocked me back.

Luckily for me, that bought me the split second I needed to activate Meteor. With my own acceleration spell in effect, Freed seemed to be moving almost in slow motion as he ran towards me, mouthing another spell. I sprang to the side and bounced off my right foot as I landed, aiming a full throttle reverse punch right at his face that would hopefully at least rattle him enough for me to keep him from using too much more magic.

Then, just as my light wreathed fist was about to connect, he suddenly blurred forward and I was only barely able to get one of my cards grown to shield size in time to deflect his rapier as it crashed into my hasty guard and knocked me skidding away. I grinned savagely as I saw Freed's energy wings, "Oh _this _just got **interesting.**"

I sprang back and used my new weightlessness to flip and shoot through the portal I threw open at the last second to slam a kick through the space where Freed had been a second earlier. Having anticipated that he might dodge, I discharged a full body explosion to force him back. Even as I discharged, I had located him and I spun into a teleport. I reappeared in front of him and threw a round house into his face with the full power of my explosion forcing him into it just that much harder for the instant I was there. Then as the shockwave of my explosion passed I reappeared behind him, grabbing his feet with my telekinesis and yanking him the rest of the way horizontal for my pile driver to his gut. He slammed into the floor and I spun, using my telekinesis to fling him across the ring.

Full props to Freed, he righted himself at the last second and landed in a crouch on the side of the arena wall before using its bounce back property to hurl himself at me full speed, another spell already primed and ready on his blade, "Dark Ecriture, SLASH!" Even with my card shield between me and it, Freed's attack knocked me skidding back almost to the edge of the ring. In an instant he was on top of me again, his rapier aimed straight for my ribs.

Unfortunately for him, I'd seen that coming and his rapier vanished into a portal as another one straight to the floor opened right in front of his face. He couldn't have been stopped colder if I'd conjured a stone wall for him to crash into. Honestly I kind of had. As the portal disappeared I noticed his nose was bleeding, didn't look broken though. I immediately threw a punch with the intention to fix that. Freed was too dazed from his collision to dodge, so the punch knocked him flying.

Then he surprised me by discharging another one of those dark energy blasts even before his feet touched the ground, and another the instant they did. I opened a portal to deflect them, and then immediately hit the ground as I felt something bind my ability to make portals and my Meteor shut down. The two waves flew over me harmlessly, but if I'd been even a tenth of a second slower, I'd have gotten nailed.

"I'm impressed you can still move," Freed mused, "Although I suppose it did shut down your flight spell."

I shot glances around the ring and noticed the sigils glowing in the corners. I grinned, "You sneaky son of a bitch. That's impressive. Some kind of boundary spell that lets you set the rules however you like?"

Freed nodded, "Very perceptive of you. Yes, this is a Jutsu Shiki barrier, the same as what's forming the walls separating our battle from the audience. Now that you've been trapped within it, you cannot use spatial, explosive or flying magic of any sort. Even your Celestial Spirit Keys cannot activate within the confines of this arena now."

I crossed my arms and nodded, "Very impressive indeed Freed. It would appear you have me dead to rights. Of course," I smirked, "Appearances can be deceiving." I opened my mouth and inhaled, almost instantly ripping the sigils off the floor and chomping them down. I grinned as I felt the restrictions on my abilities lift with the metallic taste in my mouth. I swallowed, and then my eyes went wide as my stomach howled in pain.

I doubled up and one hand flew to my gut. It was like the worst acid reflux I'd never wanted mixed with an urge to vomit and a stomach cramp and getting stabbed all at once as my magic suddenly sputtered down to the fizzle it had been when I arrived in Earthland. I grimaced, "Mmmm… OWWwww… _Free-eed…_" I groaned, "I feel like now would be a good time to ask…what exactly IS your magic?"

Freed went from utterly stunned to absolutely losing his mind in an instant, "_ARE YOU INSANE?! THOSE WERE ANTI-MAGIC BARRIER PARTICLES!"_

"Oh well that explains the gut cramp!"

"_GUT CRAMP?! YOU SHOULD BE VOMITING BLOOD FROM EATING THOSE!"_

I forced myself to straighten up as much as I could even though it hurt like a sonuvabitch and twisted my face into a grin when I'd gotten as upright as I could, "Well then, let's see if I can win before that happens."

Freed's jaw dropped and he stared at me in shock for a moment, "Do you have some kind of death wish?"

I actually was able to grin at that, "Nah, got over that not long after I joined. Now come on." Freed just stared at me and my grin took on a savage tint as I channeled the little bit of magic I had left to forcing Archive to block out the pain, "Oh you're not coming? Fine, _I'll come to you._"

In an instant I sprang across the ring and hammered a kick into Freed's gut. Freed doubled up and in an instant I had his wrist and shoulder and spun him around, slamming him face first into what I now realized was his own barrier. I hooked my heel behind his, adjusted my grip and slammed him into the ground. A quick rabbit punch to the face and I flipped him over, immediately wrapping his arm behind his back and pinning his sword hand to the ground with my boot.

Freed tried to summon magic to force me back and I released his arm to hammer half a dozen punches into the back of his head as fast and hard as I could. I jumped and dropped an elbow into his back with my full body weight behind it before springing to my feet in a low crouch and swinging a low sweeping punch right into his ribs to flip him over onto his back. Then I grabbed him by his foot as it flew up and spun, diverting some of the power away from Archive and into my telekinesis so that I could hurl him across the ring. He bounced and as he was flying back, I finished him the same way Gajeel had his first opponent: A massive clothesline punch to the face, only mine had the benefit of an explosion powered jump for power rather than a literally iron fist.

My punch cut Freed a flip and when he hit the ground, he was already unconscious. I raised my hands in victory, "YEAH!" Then the coughing and bloody vomit started, the migraine flared up like a knife to the brain, and Freed wasn't the only one who had to be carried out of the ring.

The ringing in my ears was quite frustrating as my vision swam in and out. It was as bad as getting whacked with the Lullaby again! _So this is why people freak out over Anti-magic barrier particles…_

The sole benefit of this horrific pain was that it thankfully drowned out the ass chewing I was almost certainly getting from Mira and Cana as they fussed over me while I slumped in the chair they'd put me in. Then Mira bit me. It wasn't a little love bite either, it was a full on _bite_ and I quickly felt hot liquid running down onto my shoulder as Cana placed her hands over my heart and Dimaria got my head and other shoulder. It was one hell of a sensation, like a furnace igniting in my chest and a tornado roaring through my veins. Through it all, I was acutely aware of Mira's lips red hot on my neck and blazing around the torrent of agony screaming out through the side.

My hearing came back as the pain faded. Mira straightened up and I saw that she was in her Satan Soul form looking a bit tired. Cana leaned back against the table and Dimaria flopped back into a chair. All this happened just in time for me to hear the announcement that the next fight was my rematch with Gajeel. I perked up immediately, "Oh, looks like I'm up!"

Have you ever had the sensation of being a mouse that's just fallen into a bed of rattlesnakes? That instinctive knowledge that you're one wrong move from something really _really _bad? As Mira, Cana and Dimaria trained laser like glares on me, I got that feeling.

"I'm gonna sit this one out!" I called, "Sorry Gajeel, another day!"

"Yeah I'm not surprised!" Gajeel shot back as the three killer auras winked out around me.

"Alright, winner by default is Gajeel," Master declared, "Moving on to the other match of the semifinals, Laxus vs Gray!" Less than a minute later there was a thunderclap and Gray was down for the count. Cana pushed herself up to sit on the table to watch the final round. One more echoed out a few minutes later and Laxus was declared the winner.

The crowd applauded although it was quite a bit more subdued than it could have been. With me having to sit out my rematch with Gajeel, the other semifinal matches had both involved Laxus, and he had about the same approach to combat I do. Hit 'em hard, hit 'em fast, and make sure both are done well enough that only a single hit is needed. It would honestly make me wonder about his stamina over prolonged periods of combat, but given the absurd amount of power and muscle on him? I doubted very seriously that he'd have even a shred of difficulty holding up in that department.

A watered down result it might have been, but it was still a wave of applause and just as the barrier was coming down and Max was ramping everyone back up for the announcement of Miss Fairy Tail…

Everyone froze.

Not in a scared stiff way, not in a 'Gray-went-overboard' way, in the 'time suddenly _stopped'_ way. Honestly? I'd have preferred the other two.

Mira was the only one besides me still moving as I got to my feet, "Jerry? What just happened?"

A chuckle rang out and our gazes snapped to Cana, whose eyes were alarmingly smug as she spoke in a voice that wasn't her own, "Isn't it…"

"…obvious?" Dimaria picked up in the same voice, "…I'm in control."

"It's quite fascinating that you two can resist," Master declared only for Laxus to muse, "I suppose it makes sense that Ms. Strauss can given her demon abilities…"

"And I know Archive grants some resistance to things like this," Natsu, _thoroughly unconscious Natsu, _added before an equally unconscious Gray continued, "Really though Mr. Granger, I haven't even tried to exercise my ability on you yet."

"You see," Evergreen declared from near the stage, "I want you to get the _full _impact of what's about to happen."

"You've completely derailed several of my stories," Lucy informed us, "And many of them right before the climax."

"Plots I've spent _years_ meticulously planning, cultivating and nurturing, **RUINED** in a matter of hours," Bickslow snarled from where he was frozen with an ice pack pressed to his jaw.

"I am the Author of Woe," Levy declared.

"And you are about to learn the price for interfering with my work," Gildarts declared from where he'd suddenly appeared behind us to clamp those giant bear hands down on mine and Mira's shoulders with a grip that threatened to crush our bones like a vice.

"Since you've ruined so many of my stories…" an alarmingly crispy looking Gajeel grinned as he suddenly moved to bind me and Mira in chains that we couldn't get out of Gildarts' grip in time to evade.

"I have concocted a very special tragedy which I'm sure will break your heart," Freed finished as his unconscious body jerkily walked over to us like a marionette, yanking out his sword to etch runes onto us that I felt curling into my flesh like ice and binding my movement even more than the chains.

"You being awake just makes this that much more perfect…" declared a voice that made my blood turn to ice as my head whipped around to see Sorano drape herself over Mira's shoulders, that same awful voice coming out of her mouth, "You see now, I can _really _rub it in."

Sorano leaned up on her toes to purr in Mira's ear, "This woman is the one who slept with your precious Jerry all the way to Minstrel." She stepped around so Mira could see her better, "Do you suppose he likes this form better? Clearly he has a type…" She did a little pirouette before curtsying with a mocking grin to Mira before turning that cheerfully baleful gaze on me, "This woman's story is actually one of the ones you ruined for me Mr. Granger. Stolen from her home as a child, her hope for freedom snatched away by another of my puppets and forced into a life that makes her violate everything she ever believed in…you can't imagine how furious I was when you deprived me of the opportunity to revisit her nightmares upon her," The Author of Woe told me frigidly before that awful smile returned, "And then you went and ruined the Tragedy of the Tower for me, beating my puppet until he broke like that and having that sickeningly sweet reunion with my favorite little heroine to torment…"

If my heart had been beating any faster it would've flatlined as the import of this _thing's_ words registered. Whoever this thing was, they had been responsible for every ill that had befallen Serena, Erza, Elric and who knew how many more!

"I was _sooo _furious," the Author drawled before giving me such an excited grin that I felt my heart seize in terror as she sang, "and then I found out what _this_ little wretch was hiiidiiing!"

"So I brought her all the way here and now," the Author purred as she made Sorano lean in close, "Right before my puppet Jose discharges Phantom Lord's Jupiter Cannon into this building to kill you and all your friends…" My mind stopped in horror as that registered and Sorano sprang back, a knife appearing in her hand as she landed on the stage, "_I'm going to make you watch as the mother of your unborn child slits her own throat!"_

The deranged cackle that followed as the back wall of the guild hall collapsed to reveal a massive mechanical giant with a massive magic cannon aimed right at us couldn't have belonged to anything but a **demon.**

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**AN: _Ladies and gentlemen, THE BIG BAD HAS ENTERED THE CHAT._**

**_Oh, and for anyone who thought I was seriously going to skip the Phantom Lord War or that Mira was Jack's mother...SURPRISE!_**

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**No preview this time, that diabolical cliffhanger's just too good.**


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